“I found this note on my car after two days of parking in a certain (unmarked) spot on the street bordering my school,” says Shane in North Dakota. “Tomorrow, I’m so parking there.”
related: Can you dig it?
Old habits die…with a pout.
March 19th, 2010 · 187 comments
FILED UNDER: cry me a freaking river · parking
187 responses so far ↓
#1
Canthz_B
My family has owned this spot since we parked our wagon there in 1878. Of course, we had to kill a Sioux family to get it, but we paid our dues! Have some respect for tradition, and don’t park in my spot.
Mar 19, 2010 at 10:43 am rating: 90
#2
jaywalke
The connection is more than simply traditional.
My grandfather invented blacktop. Unfortunately, he was a workaholic. So, when he passed on, we had him added to the mix.
He always tried to spread himself too thin.
Mar 19, 2010 at 10:46 am rating: 48
#3
kalieris
I really can’t see the other people in the row giving a rat’s fuzzy behind one way or the other. Although, I can in fact imagine the note leaver leaving notes on everyone else’s car saying “SHUN THE INTERLOPER!!!!eleventy”
Mar 19, 2010 at 10:50 am rating: 29
#4
Vin¢
That space is now clearly marked with a “Socially Handicapped” symbol, and this note writer is the only one with a valid sticker.
Mar 19, 2010 at 10:52 am rating: 67
#5
Janice
i just wanted to let you know i’m not threatening you, but you better not do that again
Mar 19, 2010 at 10:56 am rating: 42
#6
Woman on the Verge
I urinated on it. Didn’t you realize I had marked my territory?
Mar 19, 2010 at 10:56 am rating: 23
#7
Woman on the Verge
What does everybody in the row have against Shane’s car? What the hell is he driving? A Yugo?
Mar 19, 2010 at 10:57 am rating: 11
#8
Edwina the Defrocked Nun
Was that really the nicest possible way?
I think taking you to lunch and asking if a resolution could be worked out, would be much nicer.
Mar 19, 2010 at 10:58 am rating: 22
#9
Will
I would leave a note on my own car for that person to find that says “I don’t see your name on it”
Mar 19, 2010 at 11:00 am rating: 38
#10
loves.sugar
Oh, how I wish I could be there when the person who wrote this note goes to park there and sees her car in HIS spot. I can only smile when I think of how angry he will be.
Mar 19, 2010 at 11:04 am rating: 6
#11
Cletus B Rough
I’ll have you know that myself, my father and his father before him (and our dogs) were conceived in this parking space.
Three generations of local skanks getting knocked up in the back of a Oldsmobile here gives me rights, I tell you!
Cough.
Mar 19, 2010 at 11:06 am rating: 21
#12
claw71
For not being a threat, the handwriting was awfully scary.
Mar 19, 2010 at 11:10 am rating: 39
#13
LAB
I got a more confrontational version of this once. I was parking in an open spot on a residential city street when a yuppie/gentrifier came running out to say, “Can you move your car? That’s where my husband likes to park.”
Mar 19, 2010 at 11:11 am rating: 33
#14
Jon
call a tow truck and have one of them towed? You’ll get your spot back and they certainly won’t park in that spot again if their laziness costs them a few hundred bucks
Mar 19, 2010 at 11:23 am rating: 12
#15
splint chesthair
You know what’s awesome? I used to live on a private street. Everyone that lived there paid for the street and its maintenance. The streets were included in the lot map. One time some punk tried to park in my spot and used the line “You don’t own it!”
Best set-up of my entire life. End result was him moving his car.
Mar 19, 2010 at 11:32 am rating: 48
#16
splint chesthair
That’s why I always own a beater car. Nothing better than an old Buick Century or Dodge Reliant that’s not even worth scrap value. I always win in chicken and I can easily push other cars out of my parking spot since I don’t care about wrecking my car.
Mar 19, 2010 at 11:34 am rating: 8
#17
RegkinsOrDie
Fekket, making your own ‘reserved’ sign and putting it on a chair kinda makes you a complete douche. Why don’t you just take the free shuttle service?
Mar 19, 2010 at 11:38 am rating: 30
#18
infant tyrone
Dear Half-sheet to the Prairie Wind,
No colon after “way”. -10
No period after “threat”. -10
Not promising what your gonna do if I park in you’re spot again. -1093
-1093 = The 3 years minus the 2 days that you did and didn’t park here.
BTW, your handwriting looks like late-stage Dr. Jekyll.
North Dakota’s a wide open state…get lost in it.
Mr. Hyde
Mar 19, 2010 at 11:39 am rating: 11
#19
infant tyrone
Dear Half-sheet to the Prairie Wind,
No colon after “way”. -10
No period after “threat”. -10
Not promising what yer gonna do if I park in yer spot again. -1093
-1093 = The 3 years minus the 2 days that you did and didn’t park here.
BTW, your handwriting looks like late-stage Dr. Jekyll.
North Dakota’s a big state…get lost in it.
Mr. Hyde
Mar 19, 2010 at 11:39 am rating: 0
#20
reading for comprehension
There’s a world of difference between an unmarked spot on a public road and a private car park. Get a grip.
Mar 19, 2010 at 11:43 am rating: 41
#21
felix
Hey Feckett,
Thanks for the hilarious parody of a complete douche who thinks their unique situation can be transposed onto everyone else’s despite clear indications to the contrary.
It was spot on.
Mar 19, 2010 at 11:47 am rating: 59
#22
CoCo
There was no mention of a sign that forbade the poster from parking in that particular spot. It mentions that the spot is in the street, which is generally open public.
This sense of entitlement people seem to have is ridiculous. I live in NYC, and the street parking around my place is a nightmare. I have driven around for over an hour trying to park, only to have to walk 6 or so blocks to my apartment. Yet, I don’t feel entitled to any particular spot; and wouldn’t dream of blocking one off with a chair, garbage can, etc. It’s laughable. If the spot is on a public street, it doesn’t matter if someone thinks that is “their spot”…anyone has the right to park there.
If you have a problem parking in a lot that is marked and designated for your building, you should contact the building supervisor and have them tow the cars that don’t belong. No offense, but if I saw a chair claiming to be reserved parking, I would have ran over it too…and left a PAN.
Mar 19, 2010 at 11:51 am rating: 27
#23
Fiona
Re: #13
I think the idea is that the note-writer is just claiming the ‘spot’ as theirs because they parked there for 3 years. If you have a numbered port that is directly associated with your residence, then I can see being annoyed…. but not hostile.
If it’s a place you enjoy parking for work, then get there earlier, take public transportation, or bike. I work at a university, you can imagine how full the lots get around 8am. My coworkers either carpool, bike to work, or arrive earlier. I take the bus. Sure, it annoys them… but it comes with the territory.
Mar 19, 2010 at 11:51 am rating: 12
#24
aaa
So, are “the other people in this row” North Dakota’s version of the bitchy high school clique or something? Are they all talking about “that bitch that has the gall to park in Dave’s spot, even though he’s been parking there for years, which totally makes it his spot for serious”? Are they going to tell everyone how much of a parking slut Shane is and openly question whether or not his car has fender gonorrhea or something?
Mar 19, 2010 at 11:52 am rating: 18
#25
aaa
Hey, spot’s mine, you bitch!
Ownership is subjective
Fuck! Effort to park….
Mar 19, 2010 at 11:58 am rating: 6
#26
aaa
CoCo, your suggestion for running over the chair and leaving a PAN is good, but incomplete. What would truly finish it off would be leaving a steaming pile of “Fuck you, entitled douche!” directly in the middle of the broken chair.
Mar 19, 2010 at 12:09 pm rating: 12
#27
FekketCantenel
I actually called the property owner once to try to get a pickup truck towed, since I could prove that the driver had gone to the courthouse for an hours-long trial. The owner responded that they’re basically too lazy to enforce towing because it causes all kinds of paperwork and trouble. They also won’t let us designate spaces. The most they’ll bother to do is what they’ve already done: put up signs forbidding parking. So, no, I have no official fallback.
I actually drive a beater car (if a ’92 Blazer counts), but as I said, I don’t have the figurative balls to actually destroy someone else’s car. I fantasize, though.
Not going to respond to Felix, since I don’t feed the trolls.
CoCo, I do take offense at your disrespect for a Chicago custom. You’re apparently just as much of a jackass as the OP.
And as for the suggestions that I take the bus (which wastes 90 minutes of my day for an average of three hours of paid work) or use the shuttle service, you’re missing the point.
All I’m asking is that people be nice to each other. Never deliberately use someone else’s space, not for fear of towing, but because you’ll set their day into turmoil. If you deliberately take someone’s space after they’ve either left a marker or a note asking you not to, you are a jackass.
Keep insulting me for saying so, but I’ve got an entire office building of workers who can almost never park and would applaud me if I could email this page to them. And I can nearly guarantee that someday, you’ll be in my situation. Think about that before you say something stupid.
Mar 19, 2010 at 12:16 pm rating: 4
#28
FekketCantenel
Oh, also, for those calling me an ‘entitled douche’: I’m twenty-one, make about $600 a month, live in what amounts to a ghetto, and drive a ’92 Blazer that needs monthly repairs. I’ve never had education beyond a GED, will probably never get to live any of my dreams, but still do all I can to support my family.
If I’m entitled, I’d sure as @#$% like to see my @#$%ing entitlement already.
Mar 19, 2010 at 12:18 pm rating: 5
#29
pony girl
@13,
According to Shane, it is an unmarked parking space on a public street.
What does that have to do with reserved parking in a lot?
Nothing.
Mar 19, 2010 at 12:19 pm rating: 23
#30
claw71
Fek, the spot Shane is referring to was unmarked, as somebody already pointed out. So your sob story, while compelling, has no bearing in this discussion.
I do find it interesting that you would opt to drive around for 20 minutes fuming with rage over not being able to find a spot when you could have easily parked down the street and availed yourself of the free shuttle by simply posing as a courthouse visitor.
Stop right there! I already know what you’re going to try to say: ‘But the courthouse has to validate such and such…’ BULLSHIT! If that’s the case then the shuttle has to wait for each rider to run in and validate such and such. It’s a logistical nightmare. I suppose there’s an outside chance that the shuttle driver asks for proof of courthouse visitation on the return trip, but I’m sure you could go to the courthouse and get them to issue you a validated such and such if you simply explained your situation.
Of course, I really don’t care because your self absorbed little missive makes me dislike you a great deal. I hope that you find a satisfactory parking spot on Monday only to come out after work and find that your car has been stolen.
By the way, having a sense of entitlement is a state of mind. You seem like you feel entitled, if only to a pity party.
Mar 19, 2010 at 12:23 pm rating: 31
#31
Ellen
“All I’m asking is that people be nice to each other”
o rly?
“I hope the note-writer does what I’ve never had the balls to do and smashes your windshield with a tire jack.”
Mar 19, 2010 at 12:24 pm rating: 20
#32
FekketCantenel
The connection between my story and the person who wrote the note is that we’re both very, very frustrated and would like a little courtesy.
I’d be incredibly surprised if someone stole a ’92 Blazer. But I’m already shocked that you would wish something so terrible on me when I’ve done nothing wrong.
As for your nasty comment about me wanting a ‘pity party’, that’s very hurtful. You don’t know my situation, yet you call me names because you disagree with me. I forgive you, but I hope you don’t do the same thing to others who will be much more deeply hurt or who will get angry.
Mar 19, 2010 at 12:25 pm rating: 1
#33
FekketCantenel
Ellen, that line was as close to sarcasm as I allow myself to get, since sarcasm is a mark of stupidity. I don’t actually want anyone’s windshield to get smashed. I could hope claw71 doesn’t really want my car (livelihood and, at $400, the most valuable thing I own) to get stolen, but that one is harder to discern.
Mar 19, 2010 at 12:27 pm rating: 1
#34
claw71
Fek, the way you’re carrying on I hope your car gets stolen while you’re still in it.
Mar 19, 2010 at 12:32 pm rating: 27
#35
FekketCantenel
‘you’re* carrying on’. Other than that, since you seem to be a hurtful person, I’m ignoring you.
Mar 19, 2010 at 12:33 pm rating: 1
#36
Kim
Sounds like you need a hug.
Maybe you could take the shuttle from the grocery store. I hope no one smashes your anything with a tire iron… because that’s not passive aggressive, that’s crazy.
Mar 19, 2010 at 12:35 pm rating: 6
#37
anglophile
Oh give me a break, Fekket. The situations are not at all analogous, and due to your inability to see that, and your hypocrisy, I’m having a hard time worrying about your little parking problem.
You should be a little kinder to people who have to visit the courthouse. It’s usually a trying situation no matter what side of the aisle you’re on.
I have many times felt the pain of getting to work and finding no place to park. In those cases, I parked further away and walked. Boo hoo.
Mar 19, 2010 at 12:38 pm rating: 29
#38
ur mom
anyone that drives a ’92 blazer that needs constant repairs is pretty damn stupid and ignorant. And to complain about parking…. HA!
Mar 19, 2010 at 12:38 pm rating: 5
#39
FekketCantenel
You’re @#$% right, I need a hug. Things have been so hard lately, I want to scream all the time and never stop. That’s why things like this haunt me so much.
From the grocery store, you have to walk. The shuttle goes to a parking garage a few blocks away. Either way, the past six months have been bitterly freezing cold here (with a few happy exceptional days over the past few weeks). Walking that far or waiting outside for the shuttle isn’t an option for me due to poor health. Besides which, I just don’t think it’s right to be unable to park at your own place of work because others were lazy.
Mar 19, 2010 at 12:40 pm rating: 2
#40
anglophile
I think Shane shouldn’t park there until the notewriter graduates. Sounds like the spot’ll be free in another 3-5 years.
Mar 19, 2010 at 12:42 pm rating: 19
#41
FekketCantenel
Well, whoever is rude enough to deliberately steal parking isn’t going to be swayed, and whoever agrees with me is the figurative ‘choir’, so I’m moving on before I take any more emotional jabs. I get enough from my boss, family, neighbors, and even so-called ‘friends’, so why go looking for it on the internet? Life’s too short to hang around with trolls.
Mar 19, 2010 at 12:46 pm rating: 1
#42
Canthz_B
Lazy, or maybe it was too cold outside for them to wait for a shuttle or walk that far due to their health.
Mar 19, 2010 at 12:49 pm rating: 13
#43
anglophile
Um, Fekket, most of the people who have responded to you here are well-known members of this community. You might not realize this, but a “troll” is defined as an outsider who comes into a community and deliberately posts inflammatory statements.
What has happened to you here is not trolling, it’s that people have disagreed with you. You need to toughen up, kid. Life gets a lot rougher than this.
Mar 19, 2010 at 12:53 pm rating: 27
#44
ClearlyDemented
The only way to show this guy how ridiculous it is to claim public property as his own requires only two things: patience, and pen and paper. Follow him around. When he takes a seat on a park bench, sit down cheek-to-cheek with him and hand him this: “Do not sit on my park bench. Nobody in this park, especially the birds, wants you sitting there. ” When he flushes his toilet, apply this to his door: “Please don’t contribute anything to the sewers at 10:47 p.m.; the lavatory men have designated that my personal flush time. ” Et cetera, et cetera.
Mar 19, 2010 at 1:01 pm rating: 40
#45
Canthz_B
“Life gets a lot rougher than this.”
Remember the “go for the jugular” days?
*sheds nostalgic tear*
Begone, Fek…and count your blessings as the doorknob hits ya where the good lord split ya!
Mar 19, 2010 at 1:02 pm rating: 10
#46
splint chesthair
Yeah, Dude, just give it up. Complaining about someone taking your reserved parking lot just isn’t going to garner a lot of sympathy, regardless of your situation.
If it bothers you that much do something about it, if you can’t do something about it, suck it up.
If it were me, I’d figure a way to do something. Like I’d call the police every morning to report a suspicious vehicle in the private lot. Keep doing it until the cops talk to the owner and he has to explain why their are public vehicles in his private lot. Get a moped for the summer. Let air out of tires. If you’re going to be a jerk, be active about it.
Mar 19, 2010 at 1:03 pm rating: 13
#47
ISpy
Fek, only you are responsible for where you park. So, get to work earlier. When I had this tussle with a colleague who accused me of parking in “her” spot, I told her the same thing. Now she gets “her” spot every day. Me, I don’t give a crap where I park, but I make sure I get a spot by arriving early. And when that doesn’t work, and I have to park offsite, I have plenty of time to walk to work.
Mar 19, 2010 at 1:05 pm rating: 10
#48
claw71
I gave Fekket a thumb. Not because I approve of her comments, but because I’m fresh out of binkies and I figured she could suck on that instead. I was thinking about giving her something else to suck on, but I figure somebody who needs laid that much probably isn’t somebody you’d want down there.
Mar 19, 2010 at 1:19 pm rating: 18
#49
Mo®
This will not stand, ya know, this aggression will not stand, man.
Dude, you have no idea have you seen her teeth?
Mar 19, 2010 at 1:30 pm rating: 0
#50
Uhhh
I disagree with whiny Fekket, but wow, you people are assholes.
Mar 19, 2010 at 1:48 pm rating: 6
#51
anglophile
I guess you’re a lot better than the rest of us, huh, Judgy McJudgerson?
Mar 19, 2010 at 1:58 pm rating: 11
#52
beth
This is one of my faves! Ok, writing starts out big and bad…plus they make it sound like there is a very real possibility that this note could get ugly if they let it; they’re holding back the fury. THEN, it goes jr. high lunch room “this is my chair and everyone knows it. You’re not from around these parts, are you? Scram, see?” THEN, my all time favorite: “and everyone else agrees with me” Like they all got together in a secret meeting with white hoods on and voted against “the new guy”.
I say wait for this punk to come out and sock him/her in the stomache-that’s what I did to bullies in jr. high…WHAM! Have a nice day *smiles*
Mar 19, 2010 at 1:58 pm rating: 16
#53
claw71
I’ve never claimed that I wasn’t an asshole.
*ets: Who thumbs this? Seriously!
Mar 19, 2010 at 2:04 pm rating: 16
#54
anglophile
I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did.
Mar 19, 2010 at 2:17 pm rating: 0
#55
aaa
I can’t help but thumb you, claw. Don’t tell me you don’t like it….
Mar 19, 2010 at 2:21 pm rating: 0
#56
Woman on the Verge
We have elevated assholery to an art form. It takes skill, patience, and heinous fuckery.
Mar 19, 2010 at 2:24 pm rating: 3
#57
molly ringwald
hmm… from reading all of this, i have learned that poor fekket has a pretty rough life. underpaid, overworked, no parking, ’92 blazer, etc…
but fek, you also mentioned you only have a GED education and will not get to “live out any of your dreams.” the fact that you couldn’t even finish high school combined with your negative attitude about everything certainly shows why a $400 car is your most valued possession.
let this be a lesson, kids! stay in school!
Mar 19, 2010 at 2:26 pm rating: 18
#58
anglophile
Our chief weapon is surprise…surprise and fear…fear and surprise…. Our two weapons are fear and surprise…and ruthless efficiency….
Mar 19, 2010 at 2:27 pm rating: 8
#59
matty-wat
Something tells me that Fekket is the type of person who would find something to stress out about no matter what.
Mar 19, 2010 at 2:32 pm rating: 7
#60
claw71
We have not yet begun to assholerize! If I wanted to be horribly dickish I would have clicked on Furkat Colorectal’s link, read some excerpts from her “books” and taken some cheap shots at her career as an aspiring writer , but as a half-assed hack myself, I can’t do that.
Still, if I wanted to be mean I would have at least read her ‘about me’ page and done something she would certainly take offense to…like turn her name into something she’d protest to.
Mar 19, 2010 at 2:38 pm rating: 3
#61
FekketCantenel
Anglophile, thanks for your polite post on my blog. I always appreciate a counterpoint on my Cliches I Abhor posts.
molly ringwald, I was homeschooled and therefore didn’t receive a high school diploma. In order to get an equivalent, I had to go take the GED test (and scored in the top thirty in my state for that year).
Mar 19, 2010 at 2:40 pm rating: 2
#62
FekketCantenel
Claw, first off, smarter people than you have tried to make fun of my name. No one can beat ‘@#$%ing a Cantelope’.
As for my books, the chapter posts are password-protected for now, since I’m having a group of friends proofread them. If you’d like to read the first manuscript, send me a note through the contact form.
Sorry you think you’re hack. You’re vulgar and mean-spirited, yeah, but anyone can become a writer. It’s taken my years and years of practice and constant dissection of tropes (huh, I guess all that time not spent at a productive job has paid off in one way), but even I became what people call an ‘excellent’ writer. You could, too, if you put in some effort.
Mar 19, 2010 at 2:43 pm rating: 0
#63
claw71
That’s a lie, Fekket! I once fucked a pumpkin while a wayward papaya pounded my nubile ass. I think that beats fucking a cantelope anyday. Of course, knowing that some people call cantelopes musk melons certainly spices things up.
Hey, I’ve got to run over to the produce department, I’ll be back in 10.
Mar 19, 2010 at 2:49 pm rating: 8
#64
FekketCantenel
I don’t like vulgar people. I really don’t. Can’t stand being around them. But that made me laugh out loud.
Mar 19, 2010 at 2:54 pm rating: 1
#65
Stinky
Fekket – why do you only work 3 hours a day? And where do you live? I live in
Minne-freaking-sota, and it’s been an okay winter. You just have to wear a hat.
Mar 19, 2010 at 3:01 pm rating: 3
#66
anglophile
Now I have a hankering for prosciutto-wrapped cantaloupe. Dammit!
If you don’t like vulgarity, Fekket, this place may not be for you.
Mar 19, 2010 at 3:13 pm rating: 6
#67
Stinky
Fekket – check out http://www.usajobs.gov. Or go back to school. All the gang-bangers who ride my bus got stimulus money to go to college. I know because now they all study on the bus.
Mar 19, 2010 at 3:20 pm rating: 5
#68
Liane
I lived in an apartment complex where non-residents hogged up the spots for days at a time when the contract specifically said you could only have two permitted cars in the parking lot per apartment. Sure it was annoying but my gosh. Isn’t it not very crowded in North Dakota? I am sure there is a parking spot somewhere in the vicinity. Deal with parking just like everyone else deals with it.
Mar 19, 2010 at 3:37 pm rating: 1
#69
aaa
I’m with ‘glo. Why the hell are you here in the comments if you don’t like vulgar people?
Mar 19, 2010 at 3:51 pm rating: 4
#70
Woman on the Verge
I like vulgar people. A lot. Especially claw. I’m stalking him.
Mar 19, 2010 at 3:59 pm rating: 5
#71
Jadefirefly
Fekket, stuff it.
I live in goddamn Chicago, and I don’t even HAVE a car. So quit your bitching and enjoy that you’ve actually GOT a vehicle of your own.
Way to completely miss the point of this blog. Go home.
Mar 19, 2010 at 4:05 pm rating: 4
#72
TippingCows
I don’t know, anyone that is only 21 and already supporting a family has probably made some poor life choices. That coupled with trying to elicit sympathy from all the hardened PAN elite – you are batting a thousand! I didn’t know “sense of entitlement” was a symptom of being homeschooled, either.
And why is it that you won’t get to live any of your dreams? Last I checked, we all make choices that determine what we’re able to accomplish. You must be the type of parent that makes me bang my head against a wall when I try to teach your children the value of hard work, discipline, and that reaching goals is a result of good CHOICES, not luck or entitlement.
Good day to you sir or madam.
Mar 19, 2010 at 4:09 pm rating: 8
#73
noah
I know where I’m parking the next time I go to ND.
Mar 19, 2010 at 4:10 pm rating: 5
#74
FekketCantenel
So many assumptions in this thread. When the heck did I say I had children? Unfortunately, my current situation means that I can’t support children yet, therefore I haven’t had any. That doesn’t mean I don’t have a family to support.
To review: I’m not a welfare mother, I’m not too lazy/stuck-up to take public transportation, I would get a part-time job if I could but can’t get one despite an ‘impressive’ resume, and I’m not an emo. I have no sense of entitlement except for basic respect and courtesy.
So we’re all done here. Enough with the stupid questions and simplistic assumptions on your part (which you misinterpret as being ‘witty’), and enough with continuing to blather personal information on mine.
Mar 19, 2010 at 4:11 pm rating: 2
#75
Stinky
Hi PAN community! I’ve been reading your witty comments for a year now, but Fek finally inspired me to log on, with my own eponymous name!
I think she likes the beatings. A little TOO much…
Mar 19, 2010 at 4:21 pm rating: 4
#76
oi
wisdom pearls from the lovely lips of Fekke.
sarcasm is a mark of stupidity
yes. totally. I mean sarcasm is so not the genre people have trouble understanding. nope.
Mar 19, 2010 at 4:23 pm rating: 1
#77
claw71
Fekkles, you can’t spill a tale of woe, leave out specific details, and then get persnickety when somebody draws the wrong conclusion.
Of course people are going to assume you’ve had kids. You said you’re 21, you had to earn a GED and that you have a family to support. Naturally most of us assumed you were a dirty little high school sexpot who get herself knocked up before she could celebrate her 16th birthday. In fact, this fantasy turned me on to the point where I actually rubbed one out, especially since your avatar looks like Jessica Alba.
Now you’re changing the parameters. So you don’t have kids, but yet you support a family. Either that means your parents are amish midgets who were shunned for using battery powered sex toys in the marriage bed and you have to support them until they can make it on their own, or you’re a crazy spinster-in-waiting who thinks of her Furbies as a family.
Still, because you were homeschooled, I’m banking on the Amish midgets.
Mar 19, 2010 at 4:25 pm rating: 12
#78
Stinky
Since the market crashed, I’ve been banking on Amish midgets too. The returns aren’t great, but I’m so tired to bankers with buttons.
Mar 19, 2010 at 4:39 pm rating: 3
#79
Sue Do Nim
Fek, you prove that the home-schooled have no social skills and are fucking boring.
Mar 19, 2010 at 4:45 pm rating: 3
#80
Morrison's Lament
I just have to comment on this thread to say that I decided to register an account here after reading the absolutely fucking awesome way this community handled Fekket’s fit. I was so excited I couldn’t even wait to complete the registration before I commented.
Mar 19, 2010 at 5:21 pm rating: 11
#81
Limeliberator
Is Shane one of those hummer drivers who’s a douchebag double parker?? I really hate that. If I were Shane I’d take the spot again tomorrow and hang out by my car and wait for the inevitable explosion.
lol @ fekket. Your entitlement is waiting in heaven. Sorry for spoiling the surprise, but it’s a new chair. yay!
Mar 19, 2010 at 5:25 pm rating: 6
#82
Morrison's Lament
See?
Thanks Terry!
Mar 19, 2010 at 5:25 pm rating: 1
#83
Escape Goat
I love the way note-writer X runs out of room for the missive. The note has a fleeting element to it … reminds me of the open credits to the Star Wars franchise films.
Mar 19, 2010 at 5:27 pm rating: 2
#84
oi
Mar 19, 2010 at 5:44 pm rating: 0
#85
GhostWriter
You know what pains me?
How about the pain of arriving too late to the topic de jour, and all single-digit comment numbers are already taken? Most of those commenters aren’t even registered on PAN! Then they start with the back-and-forth for twenty comments, while I had a perfectly good response to the first comment in the thread, but now it’s too late; the conversation has moved on to Amish Midgets.
It pains even more to catch a glimpse of a plucky newcomer , stalwart in opinions, suffering the same tortures as myself. I, too, drive a $400 car. I, too, want a hug!! Finally, somebody with which to share dreams that will never be lived.
Was I raising a family at 21? Yes, indeed. Was it because of a poor choice? Only if you consider stealing my uncle’s girlfriend via impregnation a poor choice, which I don’t. …and nobody has accused me of not having balls since.
You know what I want to see?
I want to see myself holding my new friend’s hand, as we giddily watch that parking lot get demolished nearly every day for a year. ((Boom!)) There it goes again; it must be 5:30… kinda cool, like an ant hill during the rainy season. But, who am I kidding- you goons have driven away FricasseeCattail for good- WHY ARE YOU ALWAYS SABOTAGING MY ROMANCES???
Mar 19, 2010 at 5:53 pm rating: 6
#86
oi
meh.
I am bored. was excited at a sight of a long post but it’s just a mubo jumbo.
Mar 19, 2010 at 6:00 pm rating: 1
#87
Saysh
Okies.. I just want to say one thing. Ok. TWO things.
Fek – this place is ALL about the sarcasm and vulgarity. If you are here, you’d know this and act accordingly. If something bothers you, take it up with that person individually. But on here, in the comments, you are just going to get ripped to shreds by those older and wiser in the ways of the PAN.
Claw – your vulgarity excites and amuses me. I’ll be in my dungeon when you get back with the produce. I’ll expect you to join me shortly.
Now.. I shall return to my coffin. Love to my CIFS!
Ok, I lied.. THREE things. Ghost Writer – I think I love you.
Man I’ve missed you guys…
Mar 19, 2010 at 6:21 pm rating: 2
#88
maceelaine
The parking spot was f*cking delicious.
Yeah, I old meme’d myself.
Mar 19, 2010 at 6:21 pm rating: 2
#89
Nox
I think people who think they earned/own a spot (through whatever means: residency nearby, having shoveled the snow off it, etc) need to be getting angry at the RIGHT people (people with the power to place car parks, owners of an appt building who did not provide enough parking for residents, etc) , and stop taking it out on the WRONG people (someone who just needs a spot).
First you have to keep in mind, that if someone took your spot, then there are perhaps multiple people who are in dire need of a place to park in addition to yourself (possibly someone who just moved in, or got a job nearby and dosn’t know YOU park there normally) . Realize that you are not alone in the need, or alone in frustration when there is nowhere to park.
Find a solution.
Either you find the solution in yourself and change your own situation (rather than repeatedly being a victim of circumstances outside your control), or you find the solution in your community and actually put forth some real effort for change (get involved with what goes on in your neigborhood, and where funds are being placed for things like car parks and shuttles, talk to the building owners and if they ignore you, go higher up and talk to someone that can make them squirm).
Its unrealistic to expect a spot to always be yours. Its not unrealistic to have a plan for when that spot is NOT yours.
Mar 19, 2010 at 6:50 pm rating: 4
#90
park rose
I am a figurative choir with figurative balls. Eunuchs, we ain’t. Or maybe we are, seeing as we’re figurative. If that’s the case, we’re floating on high, swinging our figurative tyre jacks, in time, like the hands of a figurative metronome. Those of us who had our penes cut off, imagine them figuratively swinging in time, as well. Just thought I’d share.
Mar 19, 2010 at 7:11 pm rating: 1
#91
Gladystopia
Personally, I’m just wondering what Chicago neighborhood Fekket is considering “almost a ghetto”. If it’s any of the ones I’m guessing….
Eh, if I cared enough I’d say something cutting, but the Fekkster just ain’t that interesting. Still curious, though.
Mar 19, 2010 at 7:15 pm rating: 1
#92
Gladystopia
Also, I have never had a DIRE need for a place to park. A moderately intense wish for a place to park….a daydreamy longing for a place to park…an unfocussed hope for a place to park….but never a dire need.
I go before I leave home.
Mar 19, 2010 at 7:17 pm rating: 2
#93
park rose
Fek, you’re 21. You’ve got a long life ahead of you. Lots of people are smart. Lots of people have had to struggle to get where they’re at. Lots of people aren’t at where they’d like to be at. If you haven’t arrived yet and are dissatisfied with your present, well, you’re 21. You’ve got a long life ahead of you. Unless there is something terminal that you haven’t walloped us with yet.
Mar 19, 2010 at 7:22 pm rating: 2
#94
Cletus B Rough
So much delishus irony caek and on this talkback!!!
Om nom nom nom.
Mar 19, 2010 at 8:05 pm rating: 1
#95
giblet
PAN is one of the highlights of my day.
I <3 Matty-Wat # 23.9.
I remember when I was 21, easily offended, and had no sense of humor.
*sigh*
Those were the days.
Mar 19, 2010 at 10:19 pm rating: 4
#96
TheOldSchool
Fek,
The life you’re curently living sounds to me like it is very difficult, indeed.
But I hope this may provide you with at least a small amount of consolation: I’m doing great.
Then again … now that I think about it … I always have.
At times, it gets so absurdly amusing that I just have to laugh. Everything just always goes my way.
Fek, I hope you write your book about your real life experiences, so I can experience the vicarious thrill of being in a position where I could get a vicarious thrill from imagining what it would be like to be someone like I am.
Mar 19, 2010 at 10:33 pm rating: 3
#97
catburglar
One more time and I’ll…!
It’s not like this in Darfur.
Space gone like Fekket.
Mar 20, 2010 at 3:34 am rating: 0
#98
matty-wat
Wow, where’d she go? I think Fek must have been transported up to heaven in the rapture and the rest of us heathens are left down here.
Mar 20, 2010 at 9:52 am rating: 3
#99
Ash
I love how the author of the note assumes that the other people in the row of parking spots actually give a shit about him (and where he parks).
Mar 20, 2010 at 10:45 am rating: 1
#100
GroovySooz
I’ve been lurking here forever. Finally had to post because I am soooooo upset that I missed Fek’s contributions. Boo. That’ll learn me to go a day without checking for new posts here!
Mar 20, 2010 at 12:36 pm rating: 1
#101
PurpleMonkeyPaws
just want to say, I love this site, and I love the comments.
Mar 20, 2010 at 1:40 pm rating: 2
#102
pony girl
Okay. What the hell? Did someone drop acid into one of my drinks at SXSW?
Wasn’t there a bunch of lengthy, whiny posts by some sort of Fekket something or other?
I’m confused.
Mar 20, 2010 at 9:24 pm rating: 1
#103
infant tyrone
Apparently she played (at something) for a while and then cried foul and packed up her toys and split.
Maybe somebody did screencaps and will post them somewhere ?
Don’t look for them on the Best Of PAN CD though…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QojlKXob73o&feature=related
There is, however, a pakololo-fueled uke player in your ‘community’…
Mar 21, 2010 at 12:05 am rating: 1
#104
mike
You just need some blue paint, white paint and “find” a handicapped sign….
Apr 19, 2010 at 5:42 pm rating: 0
#105 But…the economy sucks back home
[...] I’m gonna say this in the nicest way possible: don’t park in my spot. [...]
Jul 12, 2010 at 10:12 pm rating: 0
#106 Welcome to the neighborhood. You’re totally screwing it up. | PassiveAggressiveNotes.com
[...] I’m gonna say this in the nicest possible way: don’t park in my spot. [...]
Sep 10, 2010 at 11:16 am rating: 0
#107 An old dog, up to the same old tricks | PassiveAggressiveNotes.com
[...] was surprised,” Nancy says, but instead of taking the contrarian approach, dear old Dad decided to humor the person and move his car one spot over. At the end of the day, [...]
Jan 12, 2011 at 7:25 pm rating: 0
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