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Old habits die…with a pout.

March 19th, 2010 · 187 comments

“I found this note on my car after two days of parking in a certain (unmarked) spot on the street bordering my school,” says Shane in North Dakota. “Tomorrow, I’m so parking there.”

I'm gonna say this in the nicest possible way, don't park in my spot. I have parked here for 3 years. This isn't a threat I just don't want you parking in my spot. And neither do the people in this row.

related: Can you dig it?

FILED UNDER: cry me a freaking river · parking

187 responses so far ↓

  • #1   Canthz_B bang

    My family has owned this spot since we parked our wagon there in 1878. Of course, we had to kill a Sioux family to get it, but we paid our dues! Have some respect for tradition, and don’t park in my spot.

    Mar 19, 2010 at 10:43 am   rating: 93  small thumbs up

    • #1.1   infant tyrone bang

      They leave my family alone, and this isn’t a threat, but if you park in this spot, you are subject to being evicted (and punk’d) by Sioux Banshees…

      Don’t let the title fool you into thinking you’re a legitimate one…

      Mar 20, 2010 at 10:22 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #1.2   Steven

      I think the note writer was kind enough. This angry man really should have the decency to stop parking in her spot.

      Mar 20, 2010 at 11:12 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #1.3   infant tyrone bang

      It appears as if someone has switched your angry-o-meter with your rectal thermometer…or the latter with your head. Shane not= the angry one.

      Mar 20, 2010 at 11:48 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

  • #2   jaywalke

    The connection is more than simply traditional.

    My grandfather invented blacktop. Unfortunately, he was a workaholic. So, when he passed on, we had him added to the mix.

    He always tried to spread himself too thin.

    Mar 19, 2010 at 10:46 am   rating: 48  small thumbs up

    • #2.1   the Librarian

      Was his name John Loudon McAdam?

      Mar 20, 2010 at 3:58 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #3   kalieris

    I really can’t see the other people in the row giving a rat’s fuzzy behind one way or the other. Although, I can in fact imagine the note leaver leaving notes on everyone else’s car saying “SHUN THE INTERLOPER!!!!eleventy”

    Mar 19, 2010 at 10:50 am   rating: 31  small thumbs up

    • #3.1   Mo® bang

      pwnd teh n00b !!!!!!1!!!!elebenty!!!

      Mar 19, 2010 at 1:16 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #3.2   Wolverine Girl


      Mar 22, 2010 at 2:34 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

  • #4   Vin¢

    That space is now clearly marked with a “Socially Handicapped” symbol, and this note writer is the only one with a valid sticker.

    Mar 19, 2010 at 10:52 am   rating: 67  small thumbs up

    • #4.1   clumber

      I totally need that “Socially Handicapped” ticker. And maybe I’ll paint it on my favorite spot at work too…

      Mar 22, 2010 at 8:30 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

  • #5   Janice

    i just wanted to let you know i’m not threatening you, but you better not do that again

    Mar 19, 2010 at 10:56 am   rating: 44  small thumbs up

    • #5.1   Claire

      whenever someone states “this is not a threat”, it is.

      Mar 19, 2010 at 1:18 pm   rating: 27  small thumbs up

    • #5.2   Maas

      this is not a threat, but I think Claire has overstated the certainty with which we may make that inference.

      I’m just kidding, I will kill you.

      Mar 19, 2010 at 1:34 pm   rating: 43  small thumbs up

    • #5.3   Mo® bang

      I will kill you, skin you and wear you as a meta ironic party suit.

      Mar 19, 2010 at 1:53 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

    • #5.4   molly ringwald bang

      “I’m going to say this in the nicest possible way, don’t park in my spot.”

      Um, can i get a please and thank you?
      that would be nicer, now wouldn’t it, mr. passive agressive note leaver?

      Mar 19, 2010 at 1:55 pm   rating: 23  small thumbs up

    • #5.5   Just Me


      I was thinking the same thing!!!! If you’re not using “please” and “thank you,” you’re just being bossy. And it makes your non-threat more…um…threatening.

      Mar 19, 2010 at 3:25 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

  • #6   Woman on the Verge bang

    I urinated on it. Didn’t you realize I had marked my territory?

    Mar 19, 2010 at 10:56 am   rating: 24  small thumbs up

  • #7   Woman on the Verge bang

    What does everybody in the row have against Shane’s car? What the hell is he driving? A Yugo?

    Mar 19, 2010 at 10:57 am   rating: 11  small thumbs up

  • #8   Edwina the Defrocked Nun

    Was that really the nicest possible way?

    I think taking you to lunch and asking if a resolution could be worked out, would be much nicer.

    Mar 19, 2010 at 10:58 am   rating: 22  small thumbs up

  • #9   Will

    I would leave a note on my own car for that person to find that says “I don’t see your name on it”

    Mar 19, 2010 at 11:00 am   rating: 38  small thumbs up

    • #9.1   pony girl

      That would be awesome. Plus, he could leave his car there for a few days and have someone give him a ride, just to make sure the note-leaver would NOT get that space.
      Just for a few days.
      Then I’d have friends park there. We’d all take turns.
      and we’d set up a web cam to watch the note-writer’s fits.

      Mar 19, 2010 at 12:17 pm   rating: 69  small thumbs up

    • #9.2   infant tyrone bang

      Y’all + friends are just a whole ton o’fun.
      Are you sure you’re not related to Allen Funt ?

      Mar 19, 2010 at 12:32 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #9.3   pony girl

      Could be.
      I’m adopted.


      Mar 19, 2010 at 1:11 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #9.4   Boss

      Leave your car there for days and have friends take turns occupying it too?? C’mon, that’s WAY more passive aggressive than the original note!

      Mar 20, 2010 at 11:41 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #9.5   anglophile bang

      You betcha! Fight fire with fire! Plus, it’s fun to enrage the type of people who think they own public property.

      Mar 20, 2010 at 12:01 pm   rating: 12  small thumbs up

    • #9.6   Palomon bang

      Such behavior I neither condone nor judge.

      But I understand.

      And condone a little.

      Mar 20, 2010 at 4:47 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #9.7   anglophile bang

      Embrace your inner passive-aggressive, Pal!

      You know that’s why you come here! ;)

      Mar 20, 2010 at 4:56 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #9.8   clumber

      Will – AWESOME idea! 5 thumbs-up… if I could. 1, anyhow.

      PG, go ahead and add me to any shifts of parking there that are uncovered. Hell, I might even purchase an ugly rusty clunker just for that. And park there for 3 years PLUS 1 day.

      TEAM “OH REALLY, NOW??” !!

      Mar 22, 2010 at 8:35 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

  • #10   loves.sugar

    Oh, how I wish I could be there when the person who wrote this note goes to park there and sees her car in HIS spot. I can only smile when I think of how angry he will be.

    Mar 19, 2010 at 11:04 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

  • #11   Cletus B Rough

    I’ll have you know that myself, my father and his father before him (and our dogs) were conceived in this parking space.

    Three generations of local skanks getting knocked up in the back of a Oldsmobile here gives me rights, I tell you!


    Mar 19, 2010 at 11:06 am   rating: 22  small thumbs up

  • #12   claw71 bang

    For not being a threat, the handwriting was awfully scary.

    Mar 19, 2010 at 11:10 am   rating: 39  small thumbs up

  • #13   LAB

    I got a more confrontational version of this once. I was parking in an open spot on a residential city street when a yuppie/gentrifier came running out to say, “Can you move your car? That’s where my husband likes to park.”

    Mar 19, 2010 at 11:11 am   rating: 34  small thumbs up

    • #13.1   aaa bang

      And I trust your response was sidesplitting laugh followed by a deadpan “no”? I’d be disappointed with anything less.

      Mar 19, 2010 at 12:11 pm   rating: 27  small thumbs up

    • #13.2   pony girl

      Was that in Austin?
      There’s a particular street in Austin, near Pease park where that happens daily.
      I swear this woman has nothing to do all day but run outside and tell you not to park in front of her house.
      (It’s a public street, with no parking restrictions)

      She even made some signs and put them in her front yard.
      If she actually misses you when you park there, she’ll put a note on your windshield.
      First time I got one of those notes, I wrote on the back: ‘This is a public street’ and put it next to one of her yard signs with a rock on it.
      The next time I parked there, she came running up the street to catch up to me to tell me to move my car. I told her that it is a public street and I am allowed to park there. She SCREAMED at me, and swore at me, told me how rude and thoughtless I was.
      I had enough.
      I told her to fuck off and that I was calling the police.
      She doesn’t leave notes on my car anymore.
      (The signs are still there, however.)

      Mar 19, 2010 at 12:46 pm   rating: 59  small thumbs up

    • #13.3   Canthz_B bang

      You should be providing your husband a much nicer place to “park it”! ;-)

      Mar 19, 2010 at 12:55 pm   rating: 23  small thumbs up

    • #13.4   pony girl

      Maybe they like to do it in the road.

      Mar 19, 2010 at 1:00 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

    • #13.5   Canthz_B bang

      Ah, “Parallel Parking”. :-P

      Mar 19, 2010 at 1:07 pm   rating: 16  small thumbs up

    • #13.6   Mo® bang

      *sigh* Chrissie Hynde *sigh*

      Mar 19, 2010 at 1:33 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #13.7   Rahm

      With someone who makes this big a deal, it’s easy to assume she’s batshit crazy with nothing better to do with her life.
      But there’s this little voice in the back of my mind wondering if her husband is such an abusive control freak that it’s making her flip out over not having his spot available and dinner on the table at 6:01 sharp. It’s possible. Less humorous, but possible.

      Mar 19, 2010 at 1:38 pm   rating: 22  small thumbs up

    • #13.8   Mo® bang

      Yeah…maybe an Ike Turner situation.

      Mar 19, 2010 at 1:59 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #13.9   anglophile bang

      Tom Smykowski: It was a “Jump to Conclusions” mat. You see, it would be this mat that you would put on the floor… and would have different CONCLUSIONS written on it that you could JUMP TO.

      Michael Bolton: That’s the worst idea I’ve ever heard in my life, Tom.

      Samir: Yes, this is horrible, this idea.

      Mar 19, 2010 at 2:01 pm   rating: 12  small thumbs up

    • #13.10   TonsMel bang

      This actually happened last month while I was at a baby shower.
      People are nuts.
      They have driveways, but apparently NEED to park their cars on the street.

      Mar 19, 2010 at 2:16 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

  • #14   Jon

    call a tow truck and have one of them towed? You’ll get your spot back and they certainly won’t park in that spot again if their laziness costs them a few hundred bucks :)

    Mar 19, 2010 at 11:23 am   rating: 12  small thumbs up

  • #15   splint chesthair

    You know what’s awesome? I used to live on a private street. Everyone that lived there paid for the street and its maintenance. The streets were included in the lot map. One time some punk tried to park in my spot and used the line “You don’t own it!”

    Best set-up of my entire life. End result was him moving his car.

    Mar 19, 2010 at 11:32 am   rating: 49  small thumbs up

  • #16   splint chesthair

    That’s why I always own a beater car. Nothing better than an old Buick Century or Dodge Reliant that’s not even worth scrap value. I always win in chicken and I can easily push other cars out of my parking spot since I don’t care about wrecking my car.

    Mar 19, 2010 at 11:34 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

  • #17   RegkinsOrDie

    Fekket, making your own ‘reserved’ sign and putting it on a chair kinda makes you a complete douche. Why don’t you just take the free shuttle service?

    Mar 19, 2010 at 11:38 am   rating: 30  small thumbs up

    • #17.1   JulesM

      I want to empathize with you, really, but you’re making it hard.

      Is the fact that many Chicagoans leave PANs on the cars of those who dare to park in an unmarked space on a public road supposed to justify the action itself?

      For those of us who come from places where it’s first come first served and everyone else parks 10 blocks away and walks (yes, even in the winter), it just sounds sad.

      Mar 19, 2010 at 1:37 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

    • #17.2   park rose bang

      Well, I think that chair-leaving habit is just when the snow is built up too, right? I mean, I don’t really know, but is there that much snow there now? Sorry, if there is, or I’ve misunderstood the reason for placing a chair in a parking spot. I assumed it was because you had just broken your back shoveling it free of snow. That’s what previous PANs led me to believe. I’m not sure about the current weather in Chicago.

      Okay, just got the bitterly cold thing above . . . but the person who removed the chair was from Chicago, or not, then? And were they a douche if they were a native Chicagoan and ignored the custom? This question goes out to F.C.

      Mar 19, 2010 at 1:44 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #17.3   anglophile bang

      It has not been an overly cold winter in Milwaukee. Hardly any days with temps below zero (Fahrenheit). Chicago, two hours to the south, generally has it milder. The snow is melted.

      (You knew I was going to answer that, didn’t you, rose?)

      Mar 19, 2010 at 2:11 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #17.4   CoCo

      lol @ Fekket’s methods of rationalization.

      Step 1 – Contrast my specific situation to an unrelated PAN.

      Step 2 – Darn that didn’t work. Okay, then…I’ll overshare in an effort to garner sympathy.

      Step 3 – Still no takers. F-it, I’ll just name call.

      Step 4 – Rinse. Repeat.

      Fekket, honestly, why is it so hard for you to just find parking like everyone else? Why are you so spe-shull that you get to make up a reserved spot?

      Mar 19, 2010 at 3:25 pm   rating: 11  small thumbs up

    • #17.5   Ten

      Fekket, they earned their spot by digging it out. What did you do to earn your spot?

      Mar 19, 2010 at 3:36 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

    • #17.6   Jadefirefly

      CoCo, the hilarity is that Chicagoans, much like drivers in any other tight-on-space city, think that having a vehicle entitles them to special treatment.

      Funnily enough, if they just STOPPED driving in the fucking crowded city, all their parking woes would vanish. But! OMG, public transportation!

      How awful. It’s much more sensible to pay out the nose for gas and car insurance than it is to ride the train; and how else would we bitch about our parking issues?

      Mar 19, 2010 at 4:08 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #17.7   Rahm

      Wow, that Fekket person seriously got so butt-hurt that they went and deleted all their own comments whining about life and calling everyone a troll? Way to make the rest of the thread cease to make any sense…. if you missed it yesterday, folks, you should have gotten here sooner.

      And if there was any doubt that they were an immature piece of [insert favorite excrement euphemism]? Totally erased. *hi-five, everyone!*

      Mar 20, 2010 at 12:16 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #17.8   anglophile bang

      It was a nice flounce, I’ll give her that. First she said twice she was leaving, then she went a posted a bit more, and THEN her posts were deleted.

      We can only await her return, possibly under a different name.

      Mar 20, 2010 at 12:30 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #17.9   lisa

      Man, Fek was such a twat. I lurked yesterday and could not tear my eyes away from the train wreck. She clearly thought that telling her sob stories was going to get her so much support and agreement and that if people didn’t give a crap, that they just needed more information about her oh-so difficult life. Somebody call the wambulance. At least it looks like she finally realized how badly she embarrassed herself and deleted her whining.

      Mar 20, 2010 at 1:26 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

  • #18   infant tyrone bang

    Dear Half-sheet to the Prairie Wind,

    No colon after “way”. -10
    No period after “threat”. -10
    Not promising what your gonna do if I park in you’re spot again. -1093
    -1093 = The 3 years minus the 2 days that you did and didn’t park here.

    BTW, your handwriting looks like late-stage Dr. Jekyll.
    North Dakota’s a wide open state…get lost in it.

    Mr. Hyde

    Mar 19, 2010 at 11:39 am   rating: 11  small thumbs up

    • #18.1   splint chesthair

      North Dakota is only 19th in total land area. It’s not big, just on the big side of average.

      Mar 19, 2010 at 11:47 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #18.2   Canthz_B bang

      Maybe, but only 18 people share it all. ;-)

      Mar 19, 2010 at 12:02 pm   rating: 21  small thumbs up

    • #18.3   aaa bang

      Yes, but it helps that hardly anyone lives there, so at least there’s a relatively large amount of unoccupied space. Granted, you’d be out in the middle of nowhere, but Scrawly McCrazersons is probably better off not being around people anyway.

      Mar 19, 2010 at 12:02 pm   rating: 12  small thumbs up

    • #18.4   pony girl

      Scrawly McCrazersons

      I am going to say that for the rest of the day.


      Mar 19, 2010 at 12:24 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #18.5   shwonline bang

      So much unoccupied space, yet so few parking spaces.

      Mar 19, 2010 at 12:29 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #18.6   splint chesthair

      So it should have been “North Dakota’s a larger than average sized state which is sparsely populated per square mile…get lost in it.”

      But then again, I’m not sure if you can get lost in North Dakota. I mean, if you’re always 100 miles from another person, what is “lost”?

      Mar 19, 2010 at 12:30 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #18.7   claw71 bang

      Have you seen the people in North Dakota? I think most of them are lost.

      Mar 19, 2010 at 1:13 pm   rating: 11  small thumbs up

    • #18.8   park rose bang

      Shwonline, well the buffalo gotta roam somewhere.

      Mar 19, 2010 at 1:13 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #18.9   Mo® bang

      Scrawly McCrazersons got that way from too many mercury laden lutefisk dinners.

      ♥ aaa= awesome

      Mar 19, 2010 at 1:37 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #18.10   aaa bang


      Mar 19, 2010 at 2:17 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #19   infant tyrone bang

    Dear Half-sheet to the Prairie Wind,

    No colon after “way”. -10
    No period after “threat”. -10
    Not promising what yer gonna do if I park in yer spot again. -1093
    -1093 = The 3 years minus the 2 days that you did and didn’t park here.

    BTW, your handwriting looks like late-stage Dr. Jekyll.
    North Dakota’s a big state…get lost in it.

    Mr. Hyde

    Mar 19, 2010 at 11:39 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #20   reading for comprehension

    There’s a world of difference between an unmarked spot on a public road and a private car park. Get a grip.

    Mar 19, 2010 at 11:43 am   rating: 41  small thumbs up

  • #21   felix

    Hey Feckett,

    Thanks for the hilarious parody of a complete douche who thinks their unique situation can be transposed onto everyone else’s despite clear indications to the contrary.

    It was spot on.

    Mar 19, 2010 at 11:47 am   rating: 60  small thumbs up

  • #22   CoCo

    There was no mention of a sign that forbade the poster from parking in that particular spot. It mentions that the spot is in the street, which is generally open public.

    This sense of entitlement people seem to have is ridiculous. I live in NYC, and the street parking around my place is a nightmare. I have driven around for over an hour trying to park, only to have to walk 6 or so blocks to my apartment. Yet, I don’t feel entitled to any particular spot; and wouldn’t dream of blocking one off with a chair, garbage can, etc. It’s laughable. If the spot is on a public street, it doesn’t matter if someone thinks that is “their spot”…anyone has the right to park there.

    If you have a problem parking in a lot that is marked and designated for your building, you should contact the building supervisor and have them tow the cars that don’t belong. No offense, but if I saw a chair claiming to be reserved parking, I would have ran over it too…and left a PAN.

    Mar 19, 2010 at 11:51 am   rating: 27  small thumbs up

  • #23   Fiona

    Re: #13

    I think the idea is that the note-writer is just claiming the ‘spot’ as theirs because they parked there for 3 years. If you have a numbered port that is directly associated with your residence, then I can see being annoyed…. but not hostile.

    If it’s a place you enjoy parking for work, then get there earlier, take public transportation, or bike. I work at a university, you can imagine how full the lots get around 8am. My coworkers either carpool, bike to work, or arrive earlier. I take the bus. Sure, it annoys them… but it comes with the territory.

    Mar 19, 2010 at 11:51 am   rating: 12  small thumbs up

  • #24   aaa bang

    So, are “the other people in this row” North Dakota’s version of the bitchy high school clique or something? Are they all talking about “that bitch that has the gall to park in Dave’s spot, even though he’s been parking there for years, which totally makes it his spot for serious”? Are they going to tell everyone how much of a parking slut Shane is and openly question whether or not his car has fender gonorrhea or something?

    Mar 19, 2010 at 11:52 am   rating: 18  small thumbs up

  • #25   aaa bang

    Hey, spot’s mine, you bitch!
    Ownership is subjective
    Fuck! Effort to park….

    Mar 19, 2010 at 11:58 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #25.1   Mo® bang

      Parking there again
      Threatening, you are victim
      God where is my spot?

      Mar 19, 2010 at 2:19 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

  • #26   aaa bang

    CoCo, your suggestion for running over the chair and leaving a PAN is good, but incomplete. What would truly finish it off would be leaving a steaming pile of “Fuck you, entitled douche!” directly in the middle of the broken chair.

    Mar 19, 2010 at 12:09 pm   rating: 12  small thumbs up

  • #27   FekketCantenel

    I actually called the property owner once to try to get a pickup truck towed, since I could prove that the driver had gone to the courthouse for an hours-long trial. The owner responded that they’re basically too lazy to enforce towing because it causes all kinds of paperwork and trouble. They also won’t let us designate spaces. The most they’ll bother to do is what they’ve already done: put up signs forbidding parking. So, no, I have no official fallback.

    I actually drive a beater car (if a ’92 Blazer counts), but as I said, I don’t have the figurative balls to actually destroy someone else’s car. I fantasize, though.

    Not going to respond to Felix, since I don’t feed the trolls.

    CoCo, I do take offense at your disrespect for a Chicago custom. You’re apparently just as much of a jackass as the OP.

    And as for the suggestions that I take the bus (which wastes 90 minutes of my day for an average of three hours of paid work) or use the shuttle service, you’re missing the point.

    All I’m asking is that people be nice to each other. Never deliberately use someone else’s space, not for fear of towing, but because you’ll set their day into turmoil. If you deliberately take someone’s space after they’ve either left a marker or a note asking you not to, you are a jackass.

    Keep insulting me for saying so, but I’ve got an entire office building of workers who can almost never park and would applaud me if I could email this page to them. And I can nearly guarantee that someday, you’ll be in my situation. Think about that before you say something stupid.

    Mar 19, 2010 at 12:16 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

  • #28   FekketCantenel

    Oh, also, for those calling me an ‘entitled douche’: I’m twenty-one, make about $600 a month, live in what amounts to a ghetto, and drive a ’92 Blazer that needs monthly repairs. I’ve never had education beyond a GED, will probably never get to live any of my dreams, but still do all I can to support my family.

    If I’m entitled, I’d sure as @#$% like to see my @#$%ing entitlement already.

    Mar 19, 2010 at 12:18 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

  • #29   pony girl


    According to Shane, it is an unmarked parking space on a public street.

    What does that have to do with reserved parking in a lot?


    Mar 19, 2010 at 12:19 pm   rating: 23  small thumbs up

  • #30   claw71 bang

    Fek, the spot Shane is referring to was unmarked, as somebody already pointed out. So your sob story, while compelling, has no bearing in this discussion.

    I do find it interesting that you would opt to drive around for 20 minutes fuming with rage over not being able to find a spot when you could have easily parked down the street and availed yourself of the free shuttle by simply posing as a courthouse visitor.

    Stop right there! I already know what you’re going to try to say: ‘But the courthouse has to validate such and such…’ BULLSHIT! If that’s the case then the shuttle has to wait for each rider to run in and validate such and such. It’s a logistical nightmare. I suppose there’s an outside chance that the shuttle driver asks for proof of courthouse visitation on the return trip, but I’m sure you could go to the courthouse and get them to issue you a validated such and such if you simply explained your situation.

    Of course, I really don’t care because your self absorbed little missive makes me dislike you a great deal. I hope that you find a satisfactory parking spot on Monday only to come out after work and find that your car has been stolen.

    By the way, having a sense of entitlement is a state of mind. You seem like you feel entitled, if only to a pity party.

    Mar 19, 2010 at 12:23 pm   rating: 31  small thumbs up

  • #31   Ellen

    “All I’m asking is that people be nice to each other”

    o rly?

    “I hope the note-writer does what I’ve never had the balls to do and smashes your windshield with a tire jack.”

    Mar 19, 2010 at 12:24 pm   rating: 21  small thumbs up

  • #32   FekketCantenel

    The connection between my story and the person who wrote the note is that we’re both very, very frustrated and would like a little courtesy.

    I’d be incredibly surprised if someone stole a ’92 Blazer. But I’m already shocked that you would wish something so terrible on me when I’ve done nothing wrong.

    As for your nasty comment about me wanting a ‘pity party’, that’s very hurtful. You don’t know my situation, yet you call me names because you disagree with me. I forgive you, but I hope you don’t do the same thing to others who will be much more deeply hurt or who will get angry.

    Mar 19, 2010 at 12:25 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #33   FekketCantenel

    Ellen, that line was as close to sarcasm as I allow myself to get, since sarcasm is a mark of stupidity. I don’t actually want anyone’s windshield to get smashed. I could hope claw71 doesn’t really want my car (livelihood and, at $400, the most valuable thing I own) to get stolen, but that one is harder to discern.

    Mar 19, 2010 at 12:27 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #34   claw71 bang

    Fek, the way you’re carrying on I hope your car gets stolen while you’re still in it.

    Mar 19, 2010 at 12:32 pm   rating: 28  small thumbs up

  • #35   FekketCantenel

    ‘you’re* carrying on’. Other than that, since you seem to be a hurtful person, I’m ignoring you.

    Mar 19, 2010 at 12:33 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #36   Kim

    Sounds like you need a hug.
    Maybe you could take the shuttle from the grocery store. I hope no one smashes your anything with a tire iron… because that’s not passive aggressive, that’s crazy.

    Mar 19, 2010 at 12:35 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

  • #37   anglophile bang

    Oh give me a break, Fekket. The situations are not at all analogous, and due to your inability to see that, and your hypocrisy, I’m having a hard time worrying about your little parking problem.

    You should be a little kinder to people who have to visit the courthouse. It’s usually a trying situation no matter what side of the aisle you’re on.

    I have many times felt the pain of getting to work and finding no place to park. In those cases, I parked further away and walked. Boo hoo.

    Mar 19, 2010 at 12:38 pm   rating: 29  small thumbs up

  • #38   ur mom

    anyone that drives a ’92 blazer that needs constant repairs is pretty damn stupid and ignorant. And to complain about parking…. HA!

    Mar 19, 2010 at 12:38 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #38.1   claw71 bang

      I don’t think the implication is that you can afford a better car. I inferred that ur mom believes that you are stupid and ignorant for not realizing that you can’t afford the troublesome ’92 blazer you’re pouring money into.

      Maybe if you get down off your high horse and stop all the whining people would like you and you might be able to car pool for a month or two. Then you could put together a couple hundred bucks and get yourself a nice 1999 Honda civic with 200,000 miles on it.

      Check craigslist, they have all kinds of cars for cheap. They also have jobs. I know the economy is tough, but you can do better than $600 a month working at McDonalds. The best part is that they have plenty of parking. Of course, you migth have to suspend the post-emo bitchy persona you’ve worked so hard to develop.

      Mar 19, 2010 at 2:25 pm   rating: 13  small thumbs up

    • #38.2   oi

      omg! your story is very very tragic. My eyes are flooding with tears. I am so distressed over the troubles and injustice in your life that I am one step away from stabbing myself in heart. ah! sorrow! Please stop now.

      Mar 19, 2010 at 3:24 pm   rating: 11  small thumbs up

    • #38.3   aloria

      What most people do when the market is bad and they cannot find a job within their chosen professions is get one outside of it. My father can’t find any paralegal jobs now, either, so he sucks it up and does temp filing work until something better comes along.

      $600 a month? Hell, even working full-time at minimum wage will net you about a thousand bucks. I know a lot of people who are underemployed and supplement their income by picking up a couple shifts a week at McDonalds or cashiering. Yes, it sucks, but so does subjecting people to your constant whining about how bad you’ve got it.

      Mar 19, 2010 at 3:27 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #38.4   park rose bang

      I’m sure she’s developing a character. No-one really moans that much with such little reason, do they? She keeps coming back, turning down different paths, and doesn’t wither (though she might writhe) under Claw’s careful attention (Claw, there are many different categories of moan). Actually, I think that should be the title of Fek’s book, depending upon how many posts pop up: The Categories of Moan. “Top ‘o the moaning, to ya’,”. . . could either be the climax, or the opening dialogue.

      Mar 19, 2010 at 7:30 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #38.5   oi bang

      heeh! :D love ya rose.

      Mar 19, 2010 at 7:35 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #38.6   sleeps

      Assistance/reception for law firms is not a profession. You are dumb. This is PAN. Take your shit to some message board for feelings or emotions or some crap. YOU are the troll.

      Mar 19, 2010 at 7:38 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #38.7   anglophile bang

      The Categories of Moan, Chapter One: Dawn

      As the Earth continued its pitiless rotation, the rays of the rising Sun snaked their luminescent way through the gap in the drapes covering the bedroom window. They concentrated their glare upon the eyelids of a small, thin, dark-haired girl sprawled in the rumpled bed.

      “Damn!” she muttered and turned over, accidentally suffocating her guinea pig. It would be the fourth one to meet its untimely end this month….

      Mar 19, 2010 at 7:53 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

    • #38.8   Rachel

      FC, are you trying to make my head explode? This is the internet. Stop taking everything so seriously! You’re never going to meet any of these people in real life, so why does it matter if you win in this stupid battle of sob story vs. snark? You’re not going to win it, by the way, because if you hadn’t noticed, you’re the only one who’s getting hot ‘n’ bothered here. To borrow some archaic lingo, “take a chill pill.”

      Mar 19, 2010 at 11:24 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #38.9   infant tyrone bang

      The Categories of Moan, Ch.1, apocryphal text

      Knowing that it was hopeless at this late stage of adolescence to try to leave the guinea pigs in their cage at bedtime, the small, thin, dark-haired girl realized that if she didn’t manage to develop a new reaction to early-morning sunshine, her menagerie would soon dwindle within a few, short, rodential whimpers to zero, eliminating any “family responsibilities” and, en passant, her raison d’etre.

      Feeling by turns vacant and numb with one breath and then empty but yearning to be filled with the spirit by the next, she dressed quickly, opened her dormitory room door, and strode with fevered purpose toward the lavatory, where she knew, since this was a Thursday morning, that she would encounter a fresh message of inspiration, left overnight by the RA.

      Like a SciFi heroine watching her birthplace succumb to the ravages of the current episode’s evil madman’s most recent planet-destroying technology, her world exploded as she got within reading distance of the door and realized that, instead of the usual refreshing blurb from the Bible, what was on the wall was a LCD picture frame that someone had hacked into and loaded with all 169 comments of the March 18, 2010 issue of PassiveAggressiveNotes, set to loop endlessly at a slow scrolling pace.

      Taking this as the ominous message that it clearly was, she walked in slowly and closed the door quietly behind her, removed her tampon and used it to write on one of the mirrors, “Someone please take care of my two remaining guinea pigs, Sunny and Fekket…they’re just like my own flesh and blood”, opened and then closed a shower door, adjusted the spray to be warm and soothing, sat down carefully so as not to block the drain and thereby cause the cleaning lady any additional work, and then promptly and decisively slit not only her wrists but also her ankles and, as best she could with a twin-blade, the inside of her elbows, all the while humming the melody of her early-gone Daddy’s favorite tune, Roger Miller’s One Dyin’ and A Buryin’, murmuring, just before losing consciousness, the song’s key line, “I wanna be free”.

      Mar 20, 2010 at 4:12 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #39   FekketCantenel

    You’re @#$% right, I need a hug. Things have been so hard lately, I want to scream all the time and never stop. That’s why things like this haunt me so much.

    From the grocery store, you have to walk. The shuttle goes to a parking garage a few blocks away. Either way, the past six months have been bitterly freezing cold here (with a few happy exceptional days over the past few weeks). Walking that far or waiting outside for the shuttle isn’t an option for me due to poor health. Besides which, I just don’t think it’s right to be unable to park at your own place of work because others were lazy.

    Mar 19, 2010 at 12:40 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #40   anglophile bang

    I think Shane shouldn’t park there until the notewriter graduates. Sounds like the spot’ll be free in another 3-5 years.

    Mar 19, 2010 at 12:42 pm   rating: 19  small thumbs up

    • #40.1   claw71 bang

      It looks like it might be one of those schools nobody ever graduates from. The kind where people where helmets and play with puzzles all day.

      Mar 19, 2010 at 1:22 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

    • #40.2   appleecho

      I love to where helmets. We must go to the same school.

      Mar 21, 2010 at 4:03 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

  • #41   FekketCantenel

    Well, whoever is rude enough to deliberately steal parking isn’t going to be swayed, and whoever agrees with me is the figurative ‘choir’, so I’m moving on before I take any more emotional jabs. I get enough from my boss, family, neighbors, and even so-called ‘friends’, so why go looking for it on the internet? Life’s too short to hang around with trolls.

    Mar 19, 2010 at 12:46 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #42   Canthz_B bang

    Lazy, or maybe it was too cold outside for them to wait for a shuttle or walk that far due to their health. :???:

    Mar 19, 2010 at 12:49 pm   rating: 14  small thumbs up

  • #43   anglophile bang

    Um, Fekket, most of the people who have responded to you here are well-known members of this community. You might not realize this, but a “troll” is defined as an outsider who comes into a community and deliberately posts inflammatory statements.

    What has happened to you here is not trolling, it’s that people have disagreed with you. You need to toughen up, kid. Life gets a lot rougher than this.

    Mar 19, 2010 at 12:53 pm   rating: 28  small thumbs up

  • #44   ClearlyDemented

    The only way to show this guy how ridiculous it is to claim public property as his own requires only two things: patience, and pen and paper. Follow him around. When he takes a seat on a park bench, sit down cheek-to-cheek with him and hand him this: “Do not sit on my park bench. Nobody in this park, especially the birds, wants you sitting there. ” When he flushes his toilet, apply this to his door: “Please don’t contribute anything to the sewers at 10:47 p.m.; the lavatory men have designated that my personal flush time. ” Et cetera, et cetera.

    Mar 19, 2010 at 1:01 pm   rating: 41  small thumbs up

    • #44.1   Fiona

      That sounds like the best way to write a passive aggressive note…. cheek to cheek with the offender.

      Mar 19, 2010 at 1:18 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #44.2   park rose bang

      Clearly Demented and Fiona, I’m gonna say this in the nicest possible way: Do not comment on this note at 1.01 pm, Mar 19, 2010, comment #23. That’s my comment number, and my time to post, and nobody in this community, especially park rose, wants you to post at that time. I have parked here for 3 years. This isn’t a threat, I just don’t want you taking my special number. This reply will self-destruct in five seconds.

      Mar 19, 2010 at 1:20 pm   rating: 32  small thumbs up

    • #44.3   park rose bang

      Further to that, CD, wouldn’t it be kind of cool-crazy if you had put a chair on the park bench to reserve your park-bench spot? I can imagine it escalating. The leaning tower of stools.

      Mar 19, 2010 at 1:27 pm   rating: 19  small thumbs up

    • #44.4   Uhhh

      “Leaning tower of stools” could also apply to the other exam….

      Never mind.

      Mar 19, 2010 at 1:53 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

    • #44.5   park rose bang

      I tend to choose my words carefully, Uhhh ;)

      It’s a big ole pile o’ stools.

      Mar 19, 2010 at 1:55 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #44.6   Fiona

      Dear park rose,
      I’m gonna say this in the nicest possible way, don’t post in my spot. I have posted here for 3 hrs. This isn’t a threat, I just don’t want you to [be] posting in my spot. And neither do the other people in this blog.
      xo, Fiona

      Mar 19, 2010 at 3:37 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #44.7   ClearlyDemented


      Mar 19, 2010 at 6:41 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #44.8   park rose bang

      Can’t see why y’all can’t see my damn chair. *grumble, grumble*

      PS: CD, antelopes can’t type.

      Mar 19, 2010 at 7:02 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #44.9   matty-wat

      You all are so mean. I admire PR for standing up to you assholes for taking spot #23. I would like to see her smash your computer screen with a mouse pad because I suffer from a similar yet totally unrelated affront to my home-schooled, under-appreciated, non-sarcastic, fragile emotional state. How dare you make jokes referencing past posts which I do not understand and will assume are a slam at my Amish dwarf parents’ decision to not make me wear socks in the local Dominick’s!

      Mar 19, 2010 at 8:27 pm   rating: 15  small thumbs up

    • #44.10   matty-wat

      I thought an interloper was someone who has intercourse with a cantalope.

      Mar 19, 2010 at 8:30 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

    • #44.11   park rose bang

      Rockin’ the melon?

      Thanks for the love, ma-wa, and welcome back ( a week’s absence is a long time in these here parts).

      Mar 19, 2010 at 11:06 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #44.12   matty-wat

      Um… what parts are those exactly PR? Wait! Don’t tell me. Just let me use my imagination. :)

      Mar 20, 2010 at 2:41 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #44.13   infant tyrone bang

      I guess sometimes the confluence of “fruit” and “loins” engenders images that may not be suitable for children (aka “the fruit of our loins”).

      Mar 20, 2010 at 2:52 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #45   Canthz_B bang

    “Life gets a lot rougher than this.”

    Remember the “go for the jugular” days?

    *sheds nostalgic tear*

    Begone, Fek…and count your blessings as the doorknob hits ya where the good lord split ya!

    Mar 19, 2010 at 1:02 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

  • #46   splint chesthair

    Yeah, Dude, just give it up. Complaining about someone taking your reserved parking lot just isn’t going to garner a lot of sympathy, regardless of your situation.

    If it bothers you that much do something about it, if you can’t do something about it, suck it up.

    If it were me, I’d figure a way to do something. Like I’d call the police every morning to report a suspicious vehicle in the private lot. Keep doing it until the cops talk to the owner and he has to explain why their are public vehicles in his private lot. Get a moped for the summer. Let air out of tires. If you’re going to be a jerk, be active about it.

    Mar 19, 2010 at 1:03 pm   rating: 13  small thumbs up

  • #47   ISpy

    Fek, only you are responsible for where you park. So, get to work earlier. When I had this tussle with a colleague who accused me of parking in “her” spot, I told her the same thing. Now she gets “her” spot every day. Me, I don’t give a crap where I park, but I make sure I get a spot by arriving early. And when that doesn’t work, and I have to park offsite, I have plenty of time to walk to work.

    Mar 19, 2010 at 1:05 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

  • #48   claw71 bang

    I gave Fekket a thumb. Not because I approve of her comments, but because I’m fresh out of binkies and I figured she could suck on that instead. I was thinking about giving her something else to suck on, but I figure somebody who needs laid that much probably isn’t somebody you’d want down there.

    Mar 19, 2010 at 1:19 pm   rating: 18  small thumbs up

  • #49   Mo® bang

    This will not stand, ya know, this aggression will not stand, man.

    Dude, you have no idea have you seen her teeth? :shock:

    Mar 19, 2010 at 1:30 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #50   Uhhh

    I disagree with whiny Fekket, but wow, you people are assholes.

    Mar 19, 2010 at 1:48 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

  • #51   anglophile bang

    I guess you’re a lot better than the rest of us, huh, Judgy McJudgerson?

    Mar 19, 2010 at 1:58 pm   rating: 11  small thumbs up

  • #52   beth

    This is one of my faves! Ok, writing starts out big and bad…plus they make it sound like there is a very real possibility that this note could get ugly if they let it; they’re holding back the fury. THEN, it goes jr. high lunch room “this is my chair and everyone knows it. You’re not from around these parts, are you? Scram, see?” THEN, my all time favorite: “and everyone else agrees with me” Like they all got together in a secret meeting with white hoods on and voted against “the new guy”.
    I say wait for this punk to come out and sock him/her in the stomache-that’s what I did to bullies in jr. high…WHAM! Have a nice day *smiles*

    Mar 19, 2010 at 1:58 pm   rating: 16  small thumbs up

    • #52.1   TheOldSchool


      You do realize that you just accused the letter writer of being a liar.

      That’s a bit harsh.

      Mar 19, 2010 at 10:49 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #53   claw71 bang

    I’ve never claimed that I wasn’t an asshole.

    *ets: Who thumbs this? Seriously!

    Mar 19, 2010 at 2:04 pm   rating: 16  small thumbs up

  • #54   anglophile bang

    I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did.

    Mar 19, 2010 at 2:17 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #55   aaa bang

    I can’t help but thumb you, claw. Don’t tell me you don’t like it….

    Mar 19, 2010 at 2:21 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #56   Woman on the Verge bang

    We have elevated assholery to an art form. It takes skill, patience, and heinous fuckery.

    Mar 19, 2010 at 2:24 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

  • #57   molly ringwald bang

    hmm… from reading all of this, i have learned that poor fekket has a pretty rough life. underpaid, overworked, no parking, ’92 blazer, etc…

    but fek, you also mentioned you only have a GED education and will not get to “live out any of your dreams.” the fact that you couldn’t even finish high school combined with your negative attitude about everything certainly shows why a $400 car is your most valued possession.

    let this be a lesson, kids! stay in school!

    Mar 19, 2010 at 2:26 pm   rating: 18  small thumbs up

  • #58   anglophile bang

    Our chief weapon is surprise…surprise and fear…fear and surprise…. Our two weapons are fear and surprise…and ruthless efficiency….

    Mar 19, 2010 at 2:27 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

  • #59   matty-wat

    Something tells me that Fekket is the type of person who would find something to stress out about no matter what.

    Mar 19, 2010 at 2:32 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

  • #60   claw71 bang

    We have not yet begun to assholerize! If I wanted to be horribly dickish I would have clicked on Furkat Colorectal’s link, read some excerpts from her “books” and taken some cheap shots at her career as an aspiring writer , but as a half-assed hack myself, I can’t do that.

    Still, if I wanted to be mean I would have at least read her ‘about me’ page and done something she would certainly take offense to…like turn her name into something she’d protest to.

    Mar 19, 2010 at 2:38 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

  • #61   FekketCantenel

    Anglophile, thanks for your polite post on my blog. I always appreciate a counterpoint on my Cliches I Abhor posts.

    molly ringwald, I was homeschooled and therefore didn’t receive a high school diploma. In order to get an equivalent, I had to go take the GED test (and scored in the top thirty in my state for that year).

    Mar 19, 2010 at 2:40 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #62   FekketCantenel

    Claw, first off, smarter people than you have tried to make fun of my name. No one can beat ‘@#$%ing a Cantelope’.

    As for my books, the chapter posts are password-protected for now, since I’m having a group of friends proofread them. If you’d like to read the first manuscript, send me a note through the contact form.

    Sorry you think you’re hack. You’re vulgar and mean-spirited, yeah, but anyone can become a writer. It’s taken my years and years of practice and constant dissection of tropes (huh, I guess all that time not spent at a productive job has paid off in one way), but even I became what people call an ‘excellent’ writer. You could, too, if you put in some effort.

    Mar 19, 2010 at 2:43 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #63   claw71 bang

    That’s a lie, Fekket! I once fucked a pumpkin while a wayward papaya pounded my nubile ass. I think that beats fucking a cantelope anyday. Of course, knowing that some people call cantelopes musk melons certainly spices things up.

    Hey, I’ve got to run over to the produce department, I’ll be back in 10.

    Mar 19, 2010 at 2:49 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

  • #64   FekketCantenel

    I don’t like vulgar people. I really don’t. Can’t stand being around them. But that made me laugh out loud.

    Mar 19, 2010 at 2:54 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #65   Stinky bang

    Fekket – why do you only work 3 hours a day? And where do you live? I live in
    Minne-freaking-sota, and it’s been an okay winter. You just have to wear a hat.

    Mar 19, 2010 at 3:01 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #65.1   sleeps

      Because the other 5 hours are spent: looking for parking, bitching about parking, taking smoke breaks, eating breakfast, crying, bitching to co-workers, eating a snack, bitching about co-workers, surfing the web, eating first lunch, performing personal hygiene tasks in public, bitching about the boss, eating second lunch, checking her bracket, complaining, weighing the chip on her shoulder, eating afternoon snack, and glaring. Oh yeah, and writing bitch-ass notes to post in the breakroom re: rinsing of utensils/food theft/toaster settings/coffee pot re-filling/etc.

      Mar 19, 2010 at 9:23 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

  • #66   anglophile bang

    Now I have a hankering for prosciutto-wrapped cantaloupe. Dammit!

    If you don’t like vulgarity, Fekket, this place may not be for you.

    Mar 19, 2010 at 3:13 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

  • #67   Stinky bang

    Fekket – check out Or go back to school. All the gang-bangers who ride my bus got stimulus money to go to college. I know because now they all study on the bus.

    Mar 19, 2010 at 3:20 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

  • #68   Liane

    I lived in an apartment complex where non-residents hogged up the spots for days at a time when the contract specifically said you could only have two permitted cars in the parking lot per apartment. Sure it was annoying but my gosh. Isn’t it not very crowded in North Dakota? I am sure there is a parking spot somewhere in the vicinity. Deal with parking just like everyone else deals with it.

    Mar 19, 2010 at 3:37 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #69   aaa bang

    I’m with ‘glo. Why the hell are you here in the comments if you don’t like vulgar people?

    Mar 19, 2010 at 3:51 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

  • #70   Woman on the Verge bang

    I like vulgar people. A lot. Especially claw. I’m stalking him.

    Mar 19, 2010 at 3:59 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

  • #71   Jadefirefly

    Fekket, stuff it.

    I live in goddamn Chicago, and I don’t even HAVE a car. So quit your bitching and enjoy that you’ve actually GOT a vehicle of your own.

    Way to completely miss the point of this blog. Go home.

    Mar 19, 2010 at 4:05 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

  • #72   TippingCows

    I don’t know, anyone that is only 21 and already supporting a family has probably made some poor life choices. That coupled with trying to elicit sympathy from all the hardened PAN elite – you are batting a thousand! I didn’t know “sense of entitlement” was a symptom of being homeschooled, either.
    And why is it that you won’t get to live any of your dreams? Last I checked, we all make choices that determine what we’re able to accomplish. You must be the type of parent that makes me bang my head against a wall when I try to teach your children the value of hard work, discipline, and that reaching goals is a result of good CHOICES, not luck or entitlement.
    Good day to you sir or madam.

    Mar 19, 2010 at 4:09 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

  • #73   noah

    I know where I’m parking the next time I go to ND.

    Mar 19, 2010 at 4:10 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

  • #74   FekketCantenel

    So many assumptions in this thread. When the heck did I say I had children? Unfortunately, my current situation means that I can’t support children yet, therefore I haven’t had any. That doesn’t mean I don’t have a family to support.

    To review: I’m not a welfare mother, I’m not too lazy/stuck-up to take public transportation, I would get a part-time job if I could but can’t get one despite an ‘impressive’ resume, and I’m not an emo. I have no sense of entitlement except for basic respect and courtesy.

    So we’re all done here. Enough with the stupid questions and simplistic assumptions on your part (which you misinterpret as being ‘witty’), and enough with continuing to blather personal information on mine.

    Mar 19, 2010 at 4:11 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #75   Stinky bang

    Hi PAN community! I’ve been reading your witty comments for a year now, but Fek finally inspired me to log on, with my own eponymous name!
    I think she likes the beatings. A little TOO much…

    Mar 19, 2010 at 4:21 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

  • #76   oi

    wisdom pearls from the lovely lips of Fekke.
    sarcasm is a mark of stupidity
    yes. totally. I mean sarcasm is so not the genre people have trouble understanding. nope.

    Mar 19, 2010 at 4:23 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #77   claw71 bang

    Fekkles, you can’t spill a tale of woe, leave out specific details, and then get persnickety when somebody draws the wrong conclusion.

    Of course people are going to assume you’ve had kids. You said you’re 21, you had to earn a GED and that you have a family to support. Naturally most of us assumed you were a dirty little high school sexpot who get herself knocked up before she could celebrate her 16th birthday. In fact, this fantasy turned me on to the point where I actually rubbed one out, especially since your avatar looks like Jessica Alba.

    Now you’re changing the parameters. So you don’t have kids, but yet you support a family. Either that means your parents are amish midgets who were shunned for using battery powered sex toys in the marriage bed and you have to support them until they can make it on their own, or you’re a crazy spinster-in-waiting who thinks of her Furbies as a family.

    Still, because you were homeschooled, I’m banking on the Amish midgets.

    Mar 19, 2010 at 4:25 pm   rating: 12  small thumbs up

  • #78   Stinky bang

    Since the market crashed, I’ve been banking on Amish midgets too. The returns aren’t great, but I’m so tired to bankers with buttons.

    Mar 19, 2010 at 4:39 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

  • #79   Sue Do Nim bang

    Fek, you prove that the home-schooled have no social skills and are fucking boring.

    Mar 19, 2010 at 4:45 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

  • #80   Morrison's Lament

    I just have to comment on this thread to say that I decided to register an account here after reading the absolutely fucking awesome way this community handled Fekket’s fit. I was so excited I couldn’t even wait to complete the registration before I commented.

    Mar 19, 2010 at 5:21 pm   rating: 11  small thumbs up

    • #80.1   Luna

      Isn’t this awesome? I never used to read the comments on PAN. Now I’m a freaking addict. Everyday, there’s at least one post that makes me laugh until I almost pee myself. Sometimes, I think “you’re 40 years old – you should be more mature than this” but, um, really I’m not.

      Mar 20, 2010 at 10:57 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

  • #81   Limeliberator

    Is Shane one of those hummer drivers who’s a douchebag double parker?? I really hate that. If I were Shane I’d take the spot again tomorrow and hang out by my car and wait for the inevitable explosion.

    lol @ fekket. Your entitlement is waiting in heaven. Sorry for spoiling the surprise, but it’s a new chair. yay!

    Mar 19, 2010 at 5:25 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

  • #82   Morrison's Lament bang


    Thanks Terry!

    Mar 19, 2010 at 5:25 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #83   Escape Goat

    I love the way note-writer X runs out of room for the missive. The note has a fleeting element to it … reminds me of the open credits to the Star Wars franchise films.

    Mar 19, 2010 at 5:27 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #84   oi bang

    :lol: ref: 13.14.

    Mar 19, 2010 at 5:44 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #85   GhostWriter bang

    You know what pains me?

    How about the pain of arriving too late to the topic de jour, and all single-digit comment numbers are already taken? Most of those commenters aren’t even registered on PAN! Then they start with the back-and-forth for twenty comments, while I had a perfectly good response to the first comment in the thread, but now it’s too late; the conversation has moved on to Amish Midgets.

    It pains even more to catch a glimpse of a plucky newcomer , stalwart in opinions, suffering the same tortures as myself. I, too, drive a $400 car. I, too, want a hug!! Finally, somebody with which to share dreams that will never be lived.

    Was I raising a family at 21? Yes, indeed. Was it because of a poor choice? Only if you consider stealing my uncle’s girlfriend via impregnation a poor choice, which I don’t. …and nobody has accused me of not having balls since.

    You know what I want to see?

    I want to see myself holding my new friend’s hand, as we giddily watch that parking lot get demolished nearly every day for a year. ((Boom!)) There it goes again; it must be 5:30… kinda cool, like an ant hill during the rainy season. But, who am I kidding- you goons have driven away FricasseeCattail for good- WHY ARE YOU ALWAYS SABOTAGING MY ROMANCES???

    Mar 19, 2010 at 5:53 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

  • #86   oi bang

    I am bored. was excited at a sight of a long post but it’s just a mubo jumbo.

    Mar 19, 2010 at 6:00 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #87   Saysh

    Okies.. I just want to say one thing. Ok. TWO things.

    Fek – this place is ALL about the sarcasm and vulgarity. If you are here, you’d know this and act accordingly. If something bothers you, take it up with that person individually. But on here, in the comments, you are just going to get ripped to shreds by those older and wiser in the ways of the PAN.

    Claw – your vulgarity excites and amuses me. I’ll be in my dungeon when you get back with the produce. I’ll expect you to join me shortly.

    Now.. I shall return to my coffin. Love to my CIFS!

    Ok, I lied.. THREE things. Ghost Writer – I think I love you.

    Man I’ve missed you guys…

    Mar 19, 2010 at 6:21 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #88   maceelaine bang

    The parking spot was f*cking delicious.

    Yeah, I old meme’d myself.

    Mar 19, 2010 at 6:21 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #89   Nox

    I think people who think they earned/own a spot (through whatever means: residency nearby, having shoveled the snow off it, etc) need to be getting angry at the RIGHT people (people with the power to place car parks, owners of an appt building who did not provide enough parking for residents, etc) , and stop taking it out on the WRONG people (someone who just needs a spot).

    First you have to keep in mind, that if someone took your spot, then there are perhaps multiple people who are in dire need of a place to park in addition to yourself (possibly someone who just moved in, or got a job nearby and dosn’t know YOU park there normally) . Realize that you are not alone in the need, or alone in frustration when there is nowhere to park.

    Find a solution.
    Either you find the solution in yourself and change your own situation (rather than repeatedly being a victim of circumstances outside your control), or you find the solution in your community and actually put forth some real effort for change (get involved with what goes on in your neigborhood, and where funds are being placed for things like car parks and shuttles, talk to the building owners and if they ignore you, go higher up and talk to someone that can make them squirm).

    Its unrealistic to expect a spot to always be yours. Its not unrealistic to have a plan for when that spot is NOT yours.

    Mar 19, 2010 at 6:50 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

  • #90   park rose bang

    I am a figurative choir with figurative balls. Eunuchs, we ain’t. Or maybe we are, seeing as we’re figurative. If that’s the case, we’re floating on high, swinging our figurative tyre jacks, in time, like the hands of a figurative metronome. Those of us who had our penes cut off, imagine them figuratively swinging in time, as well. Just thought I’d share.

    Mar 19, 2010 at 7:11 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #91   Gladystopia

    Personally, I’m just wondering what Chicago neighborhood Fekket is considering “almost a ghetto”. If it’s any of the ones I’m guessing….

    Eh, if I cared enough I’d say something cutting, but the Fekkster just ain’t that interesting. Still curious, though.

    Mar 19, 2010 at 7:15 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #92   Gladystopia

    Also, I have never had a DIRE need for a place to park. A moderately intense wish for a place to park….a daydreamy longing for a place to park…an unfocussed hope for a place to park….but never a dire need.

    I go before I leave home.

    Mar 19, 2010 at 7:17 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #93   park rose bang

    Fek, you’re 21. You’ve got a long life ahead of you. Lots of people are smart. Lots of people have had to struggle to get where they’re at. Lots of people aren’t at where they’d like to be at. If you haven’t arrived yet and are dissatisfied with your present, well, you’re 21. You’ve got a long life ahead of you. Unless there is something terminal that you haven’t walloped us with yet.

    Mar 19, 2010 at 7:22 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #94   Cletus B Rough

    So much delishus irony caek and on this talkback!!!

    Om nom nom nom.

    Mar 19, 2010 at 8:05 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #95   giblet bang

    PAN is one of the highlights of my day.

    I <3 Matty-Wat # 23.9.

    I remember when I was 21, easily offended, and had no sense of humor.


    Those were the days.

    Mar 19, 2010 at 10:19 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #95.1   aaa bang

      Hey, not all 21 year olds are easily offended and have no sense of humor. I, for one, am highly offensive and amused by everything.

      Mar 19, 2010 at 11:02 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

  • #96   TheOldSchool


    The life you’re curently living sounds to me like it is very difficult, indeed.

    But I hope this may provide you with at least a small amount of consolation: I’m doing great.

    Then again … now that I think about it … I always have.

    At times, it gets so absurdly amusing that I just have to laugh. Everything just always goes my way.

    Fek, I hope you write your book about your real life experiences, so I can experience the vicarious thrill of being in a position where I could get a vicarious thrill from imagining what it would be like to be someone like I am.

    Mar 19, 2010 at 10:33 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

  • #97   catburglar

    One more time and I’ll…!
    It’s not like this in Darfur.
    Space gone like Fekket.

    Mar 20, 2010 at 3:34 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #98   matty-wat

    Wow, where’d she go? I think Fek must have been transported up to heaven in the rapture and the rest of us heathens are left down here.

    Mar 20, 2010 at 9:52 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

  • #99   Ash

    I love how the author of the note assumes that the other people in the row of parking spots actually give a shit about him (and where he parks).

    Mar 20, 2010 at 10:45 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #100   GroovySooz bang

    I’ve been lurking here forever. Finally had to post because I am soooooo upset that I missed Fek’s contributions. Boo. That’ll learn me to go a day without checking for new posts here!

    Mar 20, 2010 at 12:36 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #100.1   not gen anything

      I missed it, too! It makes me want to get all whiny.

      Mar 20, 2010 at 9:51 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #100.2   oh really

      I was sad I missed it, too, especially because it confused the hell out of me reading the comments. I kept reading posts that were clearly responses to something, but what that was, I had no idea.

      Mar 21, 2010 at 12:46 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #101   PurpleMonkeyPaws bang

    just want to say, I love this site, and I love the comments.

    Mar 20, 2010 at 1:40 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #102   pony girl

    Okay. What the hell? Did someone drop acid into one of my drinks at SXSW?

    Wasn’t there a bunch of lengthy, whiny posts by some sort of Fekket something or other?

    I’m confused.

    Mar 20, 2010 at 9:24 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #103   infant tyrone bang

    Apparently she played (at something) for a while and then cried foul and packed up her toys and split.
    Maybe somebody did screencaps and will post them somewhere ?
    Don’t look for them on the Best Of PAN CD though…

    There is, however, a pakololo-fueled uke player in your ‘community’…

    Mar 21, 2010 at 12:05 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #104   mike

    You just need some blue paint, white paint and “find” a handicapped sign….

    Apr 19, 2010 at 5:42 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #105   But…the economy sucks back home

    [...] I’m gonna say this in the nicest way possible: don’t park in my spot. [...]

    Jul 12, 2010 at 10:12 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #106   Welcome to the neighborhood. You’re totally screwing it up. |

    [...] I’m gonna say this in the nicest possible way: don’t park in my spot. [...]

    Sep 10, 2010 at 11:16 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #107   An old dog, up to the same old tricks |

    [...] was surprised,” Nancy says, but instead of taking the contrarian approach, dear old Dad decided to humor the person and move his car one spot over. At the end of the day, [...]

    Jan 12, 2011 at 7:25 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up


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