Really, Amazon? That's the best pick-up line you could come up with?

← Old habits die…with a pout. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got Call of Duty 4 on pause →

What exactly are you trying to say?

March 20th, 2010 · 127 comments

Most office fridge notes — especially when they pertain to specialty “diet” items like, say, a Jimmy Dean breakfast sandwich — read something like this one (from a cubicle farm in Burbank, California).

Not so at Rocky‘s office in Austin, Texas…but office drama is never too hard to find in the shared fridge.

Of course, you don’t even have to be a sentient being to fall into a similar trap.

If you’ve shopped online at Amazon.com lately, you might have noticed that they’ve starting suggesting using a custom “PayPhrase” to speed up express checkout. After placing a recent order, Rosalie in Seattle did a double-take when she saw the phrase Amazon picked for her.

related: Sweet & Lowdown

FILED UNDER: food · kinda creepy · office fridge · smartass · stealing · WTF?

127 responses so far ↓

#1 Astounder

Aaand that is why I’ll never plug a webcam into this sumbitch.

Mar 20, 2010 at 3:36 pm rating: 64

reply to this comment
- #1.1 Steven
  
  You might want to compose your thoughts before you click enter. Your post makes no sense and does not contribute to the content of this website. Thank you.
  
  Mar 20, 2010 at 11:16 pm rating: 13
- #1.2 infant tyrone
  
  WTFRU?
  
  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l_FZVD5lsAw
  
  Mar 20, 2010 at 11:39 pm rating: 1
- #1.3 wright1
  
  Steven,
  
  You might want to compose your sense of humor before you click enter. Your post, unlike Astounder, is not funny and does not contribute anything to the content of this website.
  
  On the other hand, it did give me an opportunity to be snarky! So my apologies and thanks, Steven: you contributed something after all!
  
  Mar 21, 2010 at 1:10 pm rating: 36
- #1.4 infant tyrone
  
  Steven with the high-lob anti-snark to the far court…
  
  wright1 with the overhand snark-smash return FTW…
  
  Mar 21, 2010 at 1:36 pm rating: 21
- #1.5 Steven
  
  Yet none of you has even bothered to explain why the original poster makes sense to you. He doesn’t. It’s as simple as that. That is all I was trying to say. No need to fly off the handle and get pedantic with me. I want this site to be the best it can be. People like you are only holding that potential back and ruining this web page for the rest of us. Think about it.
  
  Mar 21, 2010 at 9:07 pm rating: 3
- #1.6 matty-wat
  
  Steven,
  Easy there big fella. You may have missed the Amazon safe-word note(not technically PA but still funny) thinking it was an advertisement or something. Go back and look. Astounder’s comment make sense to you now? It should.
  
  Hypothetical scenario- Amazon used Rosalie’s webcam to look at her big (o)(o).
  
  We can all be a little pedantic here. With your first comment, you may have been a tad guilty of that yourself.
  
  Mar 21, 2010 at 10:09 pm rating: 25
- #1.7 infant tyrone
  
  Dear Steven,
  
  Refer to No.’s 1, 8, and 19 for starters.
  
  Astounder’s riff is ambiguous but it makes plenty of sense to me.
  One of his comment’s implications is that he (could be she, too) has some physical endowment about which he would be embarrassed if it were to be captured digitally by Amazon’s computer’s CheckOut module, after which it might presumably seen by one or more of Amazon’s human employees. Call this the “shy” interpretation if you will.
  
  Opposite to the “shy” version is the “swaggering” version.
  (I’d say “braggadocio” version, but that might set off a cascade of comments that would only obfuscate this [I hope] elucidation.)
  The “swaggering” version’s kernel contains the idea that Astounder has some endowment (perhaps development) that is so awesome that he fears being stalked by one or more of those same Amazon workers.
  
  Sure, either of these could fairly be categorized as silly, immature, or even infantile, but boys will be boys (unless they’re girls, the grrls among which are capable of substantial swagger these days). There are many here among us who are in touch with our inner children, even if we have not gotten cynical enough to think that life is but a joke.
  
  If you think this ship is headed in a sub-optimal directions, you’ll probably have more success if you join the crew, because even though the rudder, if there is one, is on the outside of the vessel, all of the steering machinery is on the inside.
  
  Edit P.S. If, when you refer to “everyday” humor @#1.7 of the “Inspired” thread, you mean “quotidian” humor, then this may not be the right place for you and “the rest of us”, whoever that might be.
  
  Mar 21, 2010 at 10:29 pm rating: 24
- #1.8 Steven
  
  Infant: using “big” words doesn’t make you sound smart, just desperate. Sorry.
  
  Matty: there is no reference to a web camera in the original post. Nice try there. You mention poster #8. Well, I have to inform you that reply #1 comes before reply #8. Imagine that! And where are you people getting this secret webcam idea anyway? You just sound paranoid.I’m sick of all this, frankly. You’re destroying this site with your childish antics and unsupported gossip. I wish you would all stop! The rest of us want to continue enjoying the gentle humor here. There really is some good content on this web page nonetheless.
  
  ps. I do know what braggadocio means.
  
  Mar 22, 2010 at 12:09 am rating: 1
- #1.9 infant tyrone
  
  there is no reference to a web camera in the original post.
  That’s the point of innovation in #1. (coulda said “nexus”)
  That’s why m-w used the word “hypothetical”. (the showoff !)
  
  Matty didn’t mention #8. Please √x2 before hitting “Submit”.
  
  Braggadocio was a reference to some comments on a thread quite a while back that was intended to tickle one or more regulars. (Wasn’t about you.) Actually it should have been “bravado”, but age affects memory…
  
  “rest of us” “gentle humor”
  Perhaps an email campaign directed at the site’s founder/owner/manager would help your cause. If we start getting emails from that direction asking us to change, maybe some of us will change. More likely one or more of us here would start their own rowdy ‘n’ raunchy site.
  Come to think of it…you could do that now.
  Gee, sometimes a little brainstorming leads to a perfect solution.
  
  P.S. desperate ? No, I park in a gated, covered, reserved location.
  
  Mar 22, 2010 at 12:56 am rating: 18
- #1.10 Steven
  
  You really can’t let this one go, can you? It’s pretty hilarious that you’re so convinced of your own mental superiority that you feel compelled to respond to every point I make. I don’t know why you decided to pick on me, but sorry Charlie, you chose the wrong person to get into bed with. You clearly love the sound of your own typing and yet you say nothing of consequence. And still, no one here finds you convincing. You are, in a word, truly an “infant”.
  
  Well maybe I should start my own web page where only gentle and genuinely funny commentary is allowed. Clearly people like you having nothing better to do than harass well-meaning commenters in the dead of the night. I hate to think what other things you’re doing with yourself sitting in front of a computer at 2am.
  
  And what’s with the connection between the word “desperate” and parking your car? I would love to find common ground with you, but you’re just too frustrating.
  
  Mar 22, 2010 at 1:24 am rating: 1
- #1.11 Canthz_B
  
  Steven let Ty into his bed!
  
  Can I mention that comment #8 comes 7 hrs, 20 min. before comment #1.1?
  Or would it be wrong of me to read the time stamps?
  
  The “secret webcam” comes from a little place we like to call “Imaginationland” but, evidently, you don’t have the proper visa to gain entry.
  
  Steven, try reading the thread to take the measure of the tone of the comments before making one yourself.
  That way you don’t look quite as silly as you probably are in real life.
  
  Mar 22, 2010 at 3:53 am rating: 31
- #1.12 Steven
  
  Wow Cathy, that was just nasty.
  
  Mar 22, 2010 at 4:48 am rating: 2
- #1.13 Canthz_B
  
  Cathy? Are you reading PAN, or the funny pages?
  
  No…let me guess!
  
  Bottom line is that you were advised to see comments posted before yours and were wrong in assuming that the number of the comment corresponded to the order of the posts.
  
  Own up to your error when it is pointed out to you or risk looking stupid.
  Saying things like an intelligent person shouldn’t use appropriate words because you think they are “big” doesn’t help your cause among “the rest of us”.
  
  Well, it’s too late for that this time, because you’ve already made yourself look that way, but take the advice for next time. OK?
  
  Mar 22, 2010 at 4:59 am rating: 20
- #1.14 anglophile
  
  Oh look, oi! One of our favorites! The “don’t you have anything better to do than argue on the Internet” Internet arguers!
  
  Hee hee hee!
  
  CB, maybe a more phallic gravatar?
  
  Mar 22, 2010 at 6:37 am rating: 15
- #1.15 Woman on the Verge
  
  Steven, you can’t win this one. The first poster was, in simple terms, inferring the Rosalie’s randomly generated passphrase was not so random and was in response to what may have been viewed on her webcam.
  
  Many commenters here enjoy offering snarky comments. They are generally fun to read. They are not usually predisposed to attack unless someone else attacks first. YOU attacked first because you did not understand the first post. “Your post makes no sense and does not contribute to the content of this website. Thank you.”
  
  You then insulted infant tyrone and matty. If you wanted clarification of the comment, you could have just asked.
  
  I am now finished responding and will no longer address this subject.
  
  Mar 22, 2010 at 7:43 am rating: 24
- #1.16 anglophile
  
  I’m just wondering two things.
  
  (1) In reference to the “gentle humor” to be found on PAN and the “childish antics” which are ZOMG! ruining the site: um, are you reading the same site I’m reading and have been reading daily for over two years?
  
  (2) In reference to all the other people who you cite as also feeling the site is being ruined: would those be the same people who don’t want Shane to park in your spot?
  
  OK, three things.
  
  (3) Why you think you know the word pedantic, because there was nothing at all pedantic about wright1′s reply. It was pure snark, and it was fucking delicious.
  
  But thanks for the laughs you gave me this morning, Steven. You really did contribute to the site!
  
  Mar 22, 2010 at 7:54 am rating: 28
- #1.17 Canthz_B
  
  Snark, WotV? Aren’t we supposed to be sticklers for accuracy and take no license whatsoever with the notes?
  
  What will become of us if we don’t adhere strictly to the four corners of the documents presented us?
  
  ANARCHY, I SAY! ANARCHY!!!
  
  We need the law and order Steven would impose!
  
  Mar 22, 2010 at 7:57 am rating: 13
- #1.18 Woman on the Verge
  
  Shush, now, CB, you know how turned on I get when you are excessively reasonable.
  
  Mar 22, 2010 at 7:59 am rating: 10
- #1.19 infant tyrone
  
  In reverse order, i.e. scrolling up
  
  WotV…Hopefully you just misinterpreted CB this morning, as verily I say to you (and the rest of us), if CB’s having an “attack” of utter reasonableness, then “… the children of the kingdom shall be cast out into outer darkness: there shall be weeping and gnashing of teeth.”
  
  CB…Don’t know what the Goddess would say, but the Emperor sez:
  “Let all the poisons that lurk in the mud hatch out.”
  Perhaps WE should ask that the “Submit” button replaced by “Post It”.
  “Non serviam” seems to fit our crowd better (altho “Submit” is ironic).
  
  ‘glo…Thanks for coming to the party, and most of all for #2. I had an idea of tying “the rest of us” to the N.D. parkers, but it was late and my brain was so fuzzy I even missed the riposte opportunity back at “pedantic”.
  
  Had to clone my hands to harvest the thumbs necessary for y’all.
  
  Finally, re CB’s #1.11…I engaged on the off chance that Steven was “jinx the minx”, Fekket, or another “girl posing as a boy on the Internet”.
  Then I started to get vibes ala N-N or S-S magnetic poles repelling or the fingers on chalkboard feeling of trying to put “Tab A” into “Tab B”.
  When I finally realized that I was hearing the “gnashing of teeth” rather than the silent workings of a well-adjusted machine, I did what any good shade-tree mechanic would do…I dropped the tranny*.
  
  *has LGBT friends, so don’t bother…
  
  Mar 22, 2010 at 9:52 am rating: 5
- #1.20 Escape Goat
  
  Get a life, people. Thanx.
  
  Mar 22, 2010 at 1:04 pm rating: 6
- #1.21 anglophile
  
  What kind of life should we get, Escape Goat? One that doesn’t include telling people on the very same website in which you are participating to get a life?
  
  Mar 22, 2010 at 2:09 pm rating: 14
- #1.22 Steven
  
  Dear Infant:
  
  I’m glad to see you have your little clan of “followers” but you still haven’t won me over. I made no “error” and stand by my assertion that the webcam joke was pointless and really fell flat. The rest of your comments show the level of education and maturity that abounds here. I am sorry to say that I probably won’t be coming back.
  
  It’s so easy to be sarcastic when you’re anonymous, but do you really believe you’re making an honest contribution of life? Sarcasm is not humor. It’s plain mean. Take a minute to think on that.
  
  I have enjoyed visiting this page for the last few weeks and was hoping that it would continue being a place where we could find a nice laugh on our lunch breaks but then the creeping cyncism and message board flaming and profanity that can alert office monitoring programs just got to be too much. I know I’m not alone there. I really think this site could be famous and fun like The Onion, but sadly some people here just can’t but add their two cents, even when those two cents aren’t worth a penny. Well, maybe the owner of this site will read this and have some second thoughts about the open posting policy or about certain members. That is the sort of proactive thinking that would get me back.
  
  Take care,
  
  Steven
  
  ps. “Dropping a tranny” is just crude, no matter how many gay people you know.
  
  Mar 22, 2010 at 2:35 pm rating: 3
- #1.23 Steven
  
  Also I just want to add that you people know nothing about being funny.
  
  Mar 22, 2010 at 2:46 pm rating: 8
- #1.24 infant tyrone
  
  ‘glo,
  Your 2nd sentence phrasing had me ready to use PG’s tag line.
  I was more mixed-up than a cement truck waiting to pour
  foundations for those new West Bank settlements. Whaaa-sheesh.
  
  Then I opened my Bible to the Epistle of St. Paul (Allen) to the Booleans, and the answer fairly leapt off the page.
  I think I get it now.
  The answer to question #2 should be “Yes”.
  Since EG is saying (telling us, “the rest of us”, or someone else ? still not 100% on that) “Get a life”, then if we were to get that kind of life, then someone would wind up taking/getting EG’s life (figuratively), setting up
  a cascade of life-switching-around ala musical chairs until we were all trapped in a maelstrom of anxious oppression (because then, of course, nobody would have a life of their own).
  
  Mar 22, 2010 at 2:56 pm rating: 2
- #1.25 oi
  
  I am crying over the fact that we would not have benefit of Steven ‘s judgmental and pompous opinions anymore.
  but they are tears of joy!
  and for the record I am not ty’s follower, don’t call me that.
  
  Mar 22, 2010 at 3:03 pm rating: 23
- #1.26 oi
  
  It’s so easy to be sarcastic when you’re anonymous, but do you really believe you’re making an honest contribution of life? Sarcasm is not humor. It’s plain mean. Take a minute to think on that.
  Fekket! Welcome back, not!
  
  Mar 22, 2010 at 3:19 pm rating: 5
- #1.27 anglophile
  
  I’m just sitting here wondering what site Steven’s been reading the past few weeks if just now it’s gotten too rough for him?
  
  Mar 22, 2010 at 4:06 pm rating: 17
- #1.28 menners
  
  Can I submit this part of the comment section to PAN?
  
  Mar 22, 2010 at 4:29 pm rating: 9
- #1.29 infant tyrone
  
  Puerilely Aggressive Notes, maybe ?
  
  *wondering if PAN’s ad revenue will be affected…and in which direction
  
  **pondering these and trying to recall any martyred tyrants
  The tree of liberty grows only when watered by the blood of tyrants.
  T. Jefferson
  The blood of the martyrs watered the seeds of the church.
  Eusebius
  
  Mar 22, 2010 at 4:35 pm rating: 5
- #1.30 Steven
  
  Oh shut up Tyrone.
  
  Mar 22, 2010 at 5:40 pm rating: 6
- #1.31 Escape Goat
  
  Since some people wear cranky pants, I will never again question the comments of other users. Kiss-kiss, no give backs.
  
  Mar 22, 2010 at 7:03 pm rating: 5
- #1.32 anglophile
  
  Question the comments all you want, EG, but the old “get a life” zinger is pretty lame-o.
  
  Mar 22, 2010 at 7:13 pm rating: 7
- #1.33 dmf
  
  hai guys, what’s goin’ on?
  
  Mar 23, 2010 at 3:26 pm rating: 1
- #1.34 ScottR
  
  Steven -
  It makes sense, and is funny because of the Amazon issue of picking “Rosalie’s Huge Ones”
  She must have had a webcam for them to know that, in the context of the joke.
  
  Mar 24, 2010 at 1:46 pm rating: 3
- #1.35 JMonkey78
  
  Excuse me. I would like a life, some pedantic comments, and throw a sense of humor in for Steven, on me. Check please.
  
  Mar 28, 2010 at 10:23 pm rating: 5
- #1.36 Canthz_B
  
  Wait…if we know nothing about being funny, what was Steven, et.al. (“…a place we could find a nice laugh on our lunch breaks…”) laughing at on their lunch breaks for a few weeks?
  
  “…the creeping cyncism (sic) and message board flaming…”?
  
  Forgive me, but who said:
  
  “You might want to compose your thoughts before you click enter. Your post makes no sense and does not contribute to the content of this website. Thank you.”
  
  as their very first comment here if it wasn’t Steven?
  
  Was that supposed to be gentle humor for someones lunch hour giggles?
  Or was it just plain mean?
  
  Don’t get me wrong, I can do just plain mean with the best of them.
  I just don’t do it then complain that others do it back. If you can’t take it, don’t dish it out.
  
  Try to use a little logic before you pitch a bitch.
  You might want to compose your thoughts before you click enter. Your post makes no sense and does not contribute to the content of this website. Thank you.
  
  Remember what came out of your own ass before you complain about the shit of others.
  
  Apr 2, 2010 at 12:23 am rating: 11
- #1.37 Canthz_B
  
  God, my New Year’s resolution is wearing thin, huh?
  
  Apr 2, 2010 at 4:18 am rating: 2
add to this thread
#2 Woman on the Verge

To the previous owner of the Jenny Craig dinner:

Thank you sooooo much for your suggestions, but I won’t be joining “JennyCraig” (is that not her real name?) because, as you pointed out, it is extremely expensive and I cannot commit to a program with costly food that tastes like ass.

Mar 20, 2010 at 3:37 pm rating: 31

reply to this comment
- #2.1 park rose
  
  I know, WotV. I feel it should read, Jenny Craig “dinner”.
  
  Mar 20, 2010 at 8:36 pm rating: 16
- #2.2 matty-wat
  
  Would it taste like “Jenny Craig’s” ass then WoV?:)
  
  Mar 21, 2010 at 12:19 pm rating: 3
- #2.3 Woman on the Verge
  
  Possibly, matty… we’d have to ask claw.
  
  Mar 21, 2010 at 3:34 pm rating: 7
- #2.4 claw71
  
  Jenny Craig’s ass taste like Nutella.
  
  Mar 22, 2010 at 8:09 am rating: 11
- #2.5 Woman on the Verge
  
  Told you he’d know.
  
  Mar 22, 2010 at 8:10 am rating: 5
- #2.6 clumber
  
  Damn…. WotV can summon Claw? I think I’ll just backup slowly and watch from over………
  
  …………………………………………………….. ……here.
  
  Mar 22, 2010 at 8:16 am rating: 10
- #2.7 Woman on the Verge
  
  It’s a gift… and a curse.
  
  Mar 22, 2010 at 8:22 am rating: 10
- #2.8 matty-wat
  
  Claw, I’m surprised. I would have guessed vegemite.
  
  Mar 22, 2010 at 10:07 am rating: 4
- #2.9 claw71
  
  No, matty-wat, that’s what Valerie Bertinelli’s ass tasted like after 12 weeks on the Jenny Craig program. It was terrible. Before she got wrapped up in that cult it was like Kentucky Fried Chicken, Stove Top stuffing and Buckwheat pancakes. I haven’t sampled Marie Osmond’s yet, but I ‘ve heard that it’s really easy to slide her magic mormon underpants over to get full access. Donny’s never been happier.
  
  Mar 22, 2010 at 11:28 am rating: 8
add to this thread
#3 whiskey

yes, you’re fat, so you’ll want 2.

Mar 20, 2010 at 3:38 pm rating: 13

reply to this comment
- #3.1 matty-wat
  
  I like the fat lettering in the retort note.
  
  Mar 21, 2010 at 12:20 pm rating: 19
add to this thread
#4 infant tyrone

Leave it to Amazon to make the concept of a shopping SafeWord a reality.

When your cart is ready to explode and you’re in a hurry to ‘get off’ the computer so you can balance things out with a SlimFast snack or just inject yourself with steroids, type in “Acquire McGwire” and you’ll be home free, no questions asked.

Mar 20, 2010 at 3:41 pm rating: 6

reply to this comment
#5 Wade

I did not know Amazon sold tracts of land.

Mar 20, 2010 at 3:43 pm rating: 45

reply to this comment
- #5.1 Canthz_B
  
  There’s a danger zone, not a stranger zone
  Than the little plot I walk on that I call my home
  Full of eerie sights, weird and skeery sights
  Ev’ry vicious animal that creeps and crawls and bites!!
  
  On the Amazon, the prophylactics prowl On the Amazon, the hypodermics howl On
  the Amazon, you’ll hear a scarab scowl and sting zodiacs on the wing
  
  Mar 20, 2010 at 7:45 pm rating: 6
add to this thread
#6 Gunderson

Beware of the rabid Kristie Alley in Office #1

Mar 20, 2010 at 3:52 pm rating: 10

reply to this comment
- #6.1 AuntyBron
  
  Oh, Gundy – Kirstie Alley is sooooo 5 minutes ago. The current spokesperson is Valerie Bertinelli. Kirstie has apparently decided to embrace her plus-sizehood and has a new reality show called “Kirstie’s Big Life” or some such. “Guy’s Big Bite” was already taken.
  
  Mar 21, 2010 at 3:11 pm rating: 5
- #6.2 Limeliberator
  
  They say that you can never be too rich or too thin which is, apparently, only 1/2 true. I never thought that I’d say this but she’s TOO THIN to keep her spokesperson job. Unfortunately, she’s passed the baton to Jason Alexander who annoys me to no end. I wonder if his thin self will be less obnoxious… any thoughts on this?
  
  Mar 22, 2010 at 2:22 pm rating: 0
add to this thread
#7 Woman on the Verge

I’m intrigued by Rosalie’s options to use this suggestion, see others, or enter her own. Since when is Amazon peddling porn?

Mar 20, 2010 at 3:52 pm rating: 22

reply to this comment
#8 Canthz_B

Rosalie no longer shops in the nude when her webcam is on.
She should have known Amazons are into big ones like hers.

Mar 20, 2010 at 3:56 pm rating: 19

reply to this comment
- #8.1 anglophile
  
  Well, really, they’re into one big one, since legend has it they cut the one off to make for better archery.
  
  Mar 20, 2010 at 4:07 pm rating: 14
- #8.2 matty-wat
  
  Ouch! I guess an Amazon’s gotta do what an Amazon’s gotta do, but man! (or I should say woah-man!)
  
  Mar 20, 2010 at 5:35 pm rating: 2
- #8.3 infant tyrone
  
  Archery? No.
  Violin? Si.
  Plus, plenty of ones and zeros and women….
  
  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rc2QQ39Atj0
  
  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r3l9wwp_srg&feature=PlayList&p=4143BCB283064667&index=0&playnext=1
  
  Mar 20, 2010 at 11:31 pm rating: 0
add to this thread
#9 c_m

Seriously, Torrid is advertised on this page? What are you trying to tell me, PAN.com?!?!?!

Mar 20, 2010 at 4:14 pm rating: 4

reply to this comment
#10 QuarterRoy00

So how do we go about meeting this Amazonian Rosalie?

Mar 20, 2010 at 4:17 pm rating: 4

reply to this comment
#11 Jonah

Yet another writer who doesn’t understand how the word “whomever” works.

Mar 20, 2010 at 4:18 pm rating: 10

reply to this comment
- #11.1 shwonline
  
  Don’t be silly. It works howmever and wheremever you use it!
  
  Mar 22, 2010 at 11:14 am rating: 16
- #11.2 JMonkey78
  
  Whomever the Fu(k cares.
  
  Mar 28, 2010 at 10:24 pm rating: 2
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#12 Fridge Pirate

All that crappy diet food was fucking delicious!

Mar 20, 2010 at 4:27 pm rating: 4

reply to this comment
- #12.1 GOD
  
  Stealing is a sin; and you are going to hell.
  
  Mar 20, 2010 at 4:42 pm rating: 7
- #12.2 Canthz_B
  
  I say make the stolen Jenny Craig the thief’s last supper.
  Or forgive them…whichever you will.
  
  Mar 20, 2010 at 10:05 pm rating: 5
- #12.3 Woman on the Verge
  
  That’s the last supper? They must be going to Hell.
  
  Mar 21, 2010 at 10:33 am rating: 13
- #12.4 infant tyrone
  
  Do not despair…one thief’s last meal was a Stouffers spinach souffle.
  Do not presume…the other got Jenny Craig’s Salisbury Steak dinner.
  
  Mar 22, 2010 at 4:18 pm rating: 2
- #12.5 JMonkey78
  
  When they shoot me up I am going to get a Hungry Man Dinner.
  
  Mar 28, 2010 at 10:26 pm rating: 1
add to this thread
#13 Jonathan

I was recently shopping for dental dams and was invited to use the payphrase “Jonathan’s Untouchable Purity”. It’s for my underground dentistry practice, you PERV. Really!

Mar 20, 2010 at 4:44 pm rating: 16

reply to this comment
- #13.1 Limeliberator
  
  sure sure.. heh… call me. *wink*
  
  Mar 22, 2010 at 2:24 pm rating: 2
add to this thread
#14 matty-wat

I picking up a touch of sarcasm from the writer of letter #1.

Mar 20, 2010 at 5:30 pm rating: 5

reply to this comment
- #14.1 infant tyrone
  
  When you’ve been in this business as long as I have, Mr. Spigot,
  you get to notice these little things almost instinctively.
  
  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ty68LPKRQQQ
  
  Mar 21, 2010 at 12:23 am rating: 1
- #14.2 oi
  
  I am picking up a touch of Adam in comment # 14 and # 3.1
  
  Mar 21, 2010 at 12:43 pm rating: 2
- #14.3 matty-wat
  
  Ok, I should clarify that I meant that I was picking up the sarcasm in the first PAN not the first comment.
  Having cleared that up I gotta say oi!, you freaked me out because my smarter, wittier, more literarily astute brother’s name is Adam. Do you know him, or is there a reference I’m missing?
  
  Mar 21, 2010 at 7:53 pm rating: 4
- #14.4 infant tyrone
  
  m-w,
  Adam hasn’t been here in a little while.
  His comments were typically very dry/short, but he occasionally posted things that were, while still on the short side, quite entertainingly quirky.
  
  I suspect oi! found the referenced comments to be similar to Adam’s short/dry ones, although I have found a number of your other comments to be similar to his quirky ones. Not a bad mix.
  
  Mar 21, 2010 at 10:40 pm rating: 3
- #14.5 matty-wat
  
  Thanks for the info IT. I’m honored. All you guys are great but addictive. “I wish I could quit you.”
  
  Mar 21, 2010 at 10:58 pm rating: 3
- #14.6 infant tyrone
  
  I wish you could too, only because it would make you stronger.
  But then, as now, I hope you won’t.
  
  *for some reason I’m reminded of Dolly Parton’s Jolene
  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_FzrTIGJkdw&feature=PlayList&p=972CC2A38D7B25B3&playnext=1&playnext_from=PL&index=6
  
  Mar 21, 2010 at 11:54 pm rating: 1
- #14.7 Woman on the Verge
  
  matty, you don’t wish you could quit us. We’re much too fun.
  
  Mar 22, 2010 at 7:45 am rating: 6
- #14.8 oi
  
  ayi matty your dry, stating the facts of notes kinda humor reminded me of Adam, a past commenter, who was popular in ladies.
  and no quitting of PAN. quitting is for sissies.
  
  Mar 22, 2010 at 11:14 am rating: 3
- #14.9 oi
  
  ha! I don’t know your brother or may be do! you would never know matty!
  
  Mar 22, 2010 at 11:31 am rating: 0
- #14.10 beanster
  
  @ oi 14.8
  
  he sure was popular in the ladies
  
  Mar 22, 2010 at 1:14 pm rating: 5
add to this thread
#15 nic

better than saying “rosalie’s small ones”

Mar 20, 2010 at 5:46 pm rating: 13

reply to this comment
- #15.1 AuntyBron
  
  Or Worse – Nic’s little one.
  
  Mar 21, 2010 at 3:13 pm rating: 11
add to this thread
#16 ISpy

I’d say the random phrase generator at Amazon is named Ed.

Mar 20, 2010 at 8:03 pm rating: 11

reply to this comment
#17 Havingfitz

Well, someone had already stolen Baby Jesus’ Lean Cuisine. The Jenny Craig thief had to eat something…

Mar 20, 2010 at 9:55 pm rating: 3

reply to this comment
#18 WestCoast

I got “Kari’s Gorgeous Wood” for my payphrase. Pic is here.

Mar 20, 2010 at 10:03 pm rating: 7

reply to this comment
#19 Rosalie

Wow. How dd I not realize that by sending in the Amazon screen shot I’d be treated to Internet strangers talking about my huge ones? Why did that not even occur to me?

Mar 20, 2010 at 10:44 pm rating: 28

reply to this comment
- #19.1 Peasant
  
  Interesting typo there. Freudian slip?
  
  Mar 21, 2010 at 1:55 am rating: 35
- #19.2 Palomon
  
  Ha! Nice one(s).
  
  Mar 21, 2010 at 10:49 pm rating: 7
- #19.3 Canthz_B
  
  A Freudian bustier would be sexier with those dd’s.
  
  Mar 22, 2010 at 4:06 am rating: 12
- #19.4 infant tyrone
  
  From Freudrick”s of Hollywood, CB ?
  
  Mar 22, 2010 at 9:55 am rating: 6
add to this thread
#20 p4w4rr10r

How the writer seems to write in sentence fragments. And how funny that is.

Mar 20, 2010 at 11:07 pm rating: 8

reply to this comment
#21 Limeliberator

People can be animals. That’s exactly why I keep my lunch in my bag at my desk. I mean, really, is your lunch going to go bad in the 3 or 4 hours between your arrival and your lunch time?

Mar 21, 2010 at 2:21 am rating: 8

reply to this comment
- #21.1 shwonline
  
  No, but it might regain consciousness.
  
  Mar 22, 2010 at 11:17 am rating: 15
add to this thread
#22 Bob

Rosalie’s Huge Ones? That sounds like a compliment to me.

Mar 21, 2010 at 12:10 pm rating: 10

reply to this comment
- #22.1 Palomon
  
  Sounds like a good name for a race horse.
  
  Mar 21, 2010 at 10:50 pm rating: 2
- #22.2 anglophile
  
  No, Pal. Huge ones and running don’t mix. Trust me.
  
  Mar 22, 2010 at 6:42 am rating: 16
- #22.3 Bunnee
  
  I find that a small icebag applied directly to the black eye for about 10 minutes will definitely help, Glo. It’s also nice to have an excuse for not running, ever.
  
  Mar 22, 2010 at 8:44 am rating: 6
- #22.4 infant tyrone
  
  Is only one icebag needed due to the size-asymmetry factor ?
  
  Mar 22, 2010 at 10:01 am rating: 1
add to this thread
#23 Griffin

Personally, I find that packing my lunch in an steel ammo box keeps the sticky fingered types away. Plus it makes them wonder what kind of psychotic woman even has an ammo box.

Mar 21, 2010 at 12:24 pm rating: 17

reply to this comment
- #23.1 clumber
  
  I think there are 5 or 6 in our house…. so this kind, I suppose. Using them for lunch hadn’t occurred to me, though. Good call.
  
  Oddly, though, not even 1 Jenny Craig anything in the house.
  
  (I keep my lunch in my damn truck in a cooler with an ice thingie. If the ice thingie is still cold, lunch is fine AND no one is pawing through it but me.)
  
  Mar 22, 2010 at 8:24 am rating: 3
- #23.2 clumber
  
  side note : I tried 3x to use a nifty sentence fragment in my reply… alas thoughts in the voice of my high school creative writing teacher made it physically painful to do.
  
  What? At least I recognize one of the voices in my head.
  
  Mar 22, 2010 at 8:25 am rating: 4
add to this thread
#24 AuntyBron

Dear PAN,
I work in an office where, not only does no one ever steal someone else’s lunch. We frequently OFFER our food to the others. WTF?

Mar 21, 2010 at 3:16 pm rating: 5

reply to this comment
- #24.1 JulesM
  
  I’ve never heard about an incident of food-snatching from the kitchen in my office, but if you leave snacks on your desk they’ll disappear when you turn your back. (The thief always leaves a few crumbs behind though. So thoughtful.)
  We’ve got a lot of beggars too. God help you if they catch you chewing —> “Chocolate? Is that chocolate? Do you have chocolate?”
  
  Mar 22, 2010 at 8:14 am rating: 3
- #24.2 clumber
  
  Jules, start a rumor of “rats the size of possum!” in your office and perhaps the problem, if not solved, will become more entertaining.
  
  Mar 22, 2010 at 8:26 am rating: 9
- #24.3 Hai Dee
  
  I good way to stop snacks from disappearing off your desk is to go to a pet store and buy some of those doggie-treat cookies that look like human cookies. Leave them in an inviting location and let the hilarity ensue.
  
  Mar 22, 2010 at 2:15 pm rating: 6
add to this thread
#25 Palomon

Hey, baby- nice kindles!

Mar 21, 2010 at 10:52 pm rating: 0

reply to this comment
#26 claw71

Based on nearly 20 years worth of workplace observation I am quite comfortable in offering up the assumption that the person who wrote this note is one of those people who is always starting a diet. That Jenny Craig meal probably sat in the freezer for two months while Thunder Thighs put off her start date in favor of heading over to Olive Garden for their soup, salad and breadsticks glutton-fest. Of course you know damned well that breadsticks sustained the most damage in the melee.

The person who took this meal was probably the poor sap who got stuck covering the phones while the Beefy Biddy Brigade regularly took an extra 20 or 30 minutes to make sure they ‘got their money’s worth’ out of the all you can eat deal.

This “theft” probably wasn’t even intentional as the person who took the meal probably assumed, because it had been in the freezer for such a long time, that the person who put it there had long since left the company.

PS:

45 Minute Rule.

That is all.

Mar 22, 2010 at 8:00 am rating: 8

reply to this comment
- #26.1 anglophile
  
  claw, sometimes I really worry about what the fat ladies did to you.
  
  If you ever need to talk about it, let me know.
  
  Mar 22, 2010 at 8:06 am rating: 4
- #26.2 clumber
  
  BUT PLEASE DON’T SHOW US THE VIDEOS!
  
  (Careful, Glo’. You just know Claw has videos….)
  
  Mar 22, 2010 at 8:28 am rating: 4
- #26.3 Bunnee
  
  Eternal thumbs for “Beefy Biddy Brigade”!!!!
  
  Mar 22, 2010 at 8:46 am rating: 2
- #26.4 claw71
  
  I don’t want to post the videos, but to answer your question, Glo. It goes back a while. Back to the days when I was just a skinny lad who didn’t know good from bad. Nevertheless I knew love before I left my nursery. My parents left me alone with a chubby girl named Fanny, who was actually a rather naughty nanny. That big woman made a bad boy out of me.
  
  Mar 22, 2010 at 9:42 am rating: 10
- #26.5 The Fat Ladies
  
  They made his dog rape his mom.
  
  Mar 23, 2010 at 1:14 pm rating: 1
add to this thread
#27 claw71

No you’re not fat at all. If you’ll look closely you’ll notice that this is a high fiber version Slim Fast.

Mar 22, 2010 at 9:56 am rating: 0

reply to this comment
#28 H for Toy

Dear FAT notewriter,

Clearly I think you’re fat. I put your name right on the note, didn’t I? Oh wait, I didn’t. How you can remain so fat with all the jumping to conclusions you do, I’ll never know.

-Thanks

Mar 22, 2010 at 11:43 am rating: 10

reply to this comment
#29 Escape Goat

“Are you saying I’m FAT?”

Nope … I’m just sick of you taking the entire 12-pack of shakes rather than just one (or two), Tubby.

Mar 22, 2010 at 1:07 pm rating: 6

reply to this comment
#30 RP

I refuse to believe that Jenny Craig food is good enough to be worth stealing.

Mar 23, 2010 at 1:16 pm rating: 1

reply to this comment
#31 UnclGhost

Haha, Amazon does that sort of thing to me all the time.

Mar 26, 2010 at 12:00 pm rating: 0

reply to this comment
#32 Long before dawn

Put a note on it telling no one to touch it and everyone knows it’s delicious.

Put a note on it telling everyone to help themselves and everyone is suspicious.

Apr 6, 2010 at 11:11 am rating: 1

reply to this comment
#33 pandora

Put a note on it telling everyone to help themselves and everyone is suspicious.^_^

Apr 19, 2010 at 3:40 am rating: 0

reply to this comment
#34 aggh!Tea!

[Runs in very late through the door, mainly because he's Stumbled here] [Offers up out of date meme]:

STEVEN!

Apr 22, 2010 at 7:49 am rating: 1

reply to this comment
#35 A few choice words from Mom | PassiveAggressiveNotes.com

[...] this particular skill, Amazon.com has apparently farmed out the writing of their suggested “PayPhrases” to stay-at-home Moms across the country…as Jessica in California noticed, on a [...]

Jun 8, 2010 at 4:13 pm rating: 0

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#36 Your guardian angel just wants you to get ‘bikini ready’ | PassiveAggressiveNotes.com

[...] related: Are you calling me fat? [...]

May 26, 2011 at 10:59 pm rating: 0

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