Princess Marmalade has been notified

March 24th, 2010 · 70 comments

“Recently our neighbour falsely accused us of sending him a (passive?) aggressive letter,” says Joe in the U.K. “He was not a happy bunny.” Before an all-out note war commenced, however, the real culprit was apparently identified. Joe received this sincere note of apology the next day.

HELLO!! SORRY ABOUT YESTERDAY I'VE FOUND OUT WHO PUT THE NOTE THROUGH MY DOOR IT WAS THE IDIOT WHO LIVES AT [redacted] WHO HAS IS HOUSE UP FOR SALE I WOULD NEVER TOUCH ANYONE'S CAR AND HE CAN PARK ANYWHERE HE AS NO CONSIDERATION FOR ANYONE ELSE HOWEVER PLEASE TELL YOUR CAT NOT TO SHIT ON MY FRONT GARDEN

Adds Joe: “We’re not really sure what the car thing is about — probably a reference to the original note we didn’t send!”

related: (Don’t Fear) The Creeper

FILED UNDER: car · cats · neighbors · non-apology apology · Oops? · shit · U.K.


70 responses so far ↓

  • #1   Atheist Scum Unite!

    Dear Note Writer:

    I DID tell my cat to stop shitting in your front garden. From now on, she’ll be leaving all of her “presents” directly on your welcome mat.

    Love,
    3B

    P.S. No one in the complex likes you, animals included.

    Mar 24, 2010 at 1:46 pm   rating: 29  small thumbs up

    • #1.1   Woman on the Verge bang

      Dear Jackass,

      I told my cat not to shit in your garden. He said to not plant flowers in his toilet.

      Mar 24, 2010 at 3:39 pm   rating: 73  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.2   oi bang

      Dear crazy ” h” dropper,
      I asked my cat not to shit in your garden. He says that he loves crapping when somebody touches his ears.
      truly yours,
      wrong neighbor.

      Mar 24, 2010 at 3:44 pm   rating: 13  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.3   Peasant

      This is a golden gaslighting opportunity. Keep it simple.

      Dear Sir,

      The gentleman at XXX happens to be my father.

      Yours Truly,

      Neighbor

      P.S. I do not have a cat.

      P.P.S. Please tell those gentlemen who hang out behind your house all day to keep it down. My baby is trying to sleep.

      Mar 24, 2010 at 5:26 pm   rating: 15  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.4   wright1

      Dear Neighbor,

      As per your instructions, I told the cat to stop shitting in your garden. Her indifferent, yet sinister silence did not bode well for your little green darlings. I suggest resurfacing your yard with a decorative concrete slab.

      Mar 25, 2010 at 12:18 am   rating: 19  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.5   AuntyBron

      Dear neighbor,

      Since I have an indoor cat your missive begs the question: Why the hell are you planting flowers in my cat’s commode?

      Mar 25, 2010 at 12:30 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #2   gwan

    Ha, e drops is hs even in writing! Classic!

    Mar 24, 2010 at 1:51 pm   rating: 28  small thumbs up

    • #2.1   farcical aquatic ceremony

      What’s getting me is that he drops his ‘h’s INCONSISTENTLY…He wrote out most of his ‘hard’ ‘h’ sounds–”who”, “has”, “house”, etc.

      Mar 24, 2010 at 2:15 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.2   Mo® bang

      Oo righty o ‘e did ‘e did! Blimey guvenor e’s a bit of a nutter eh?

      Mar 24, 2010 at 4:26 pm   rating: 22  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.3   sleeps

      In ‘artford, ‘ereford and ‘ampshire, ‘urricanes ‘ardly ever ‘appen!

      Mar 24, 2010 at 6:27 pm   rating: 21  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #3   Mike

    What gets me with this one is the writer’s apparent dislike for the letter ‘H.’ (H/is, h/as)

    Mar 24, 2010 at 1:52 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #4   pilgrim

    Re: Cat Leavings

    No problem! We’ll tell the cat right away!

    Fluffy, don’t poop in the neighbors garden anymore!

    Taken care of. You’re welcome =)

    Mar 24, 2010 at 1:52 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

    • #4.1   AuntyBron

      Yeah, ‘cuz you know MY cat always does what I tell him… Well, technically I don’t have a cat but if I did, boy, I’d make it mind me!

      Mar 25, 2010 at 12:25 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #5   QuarterRoy00 bang

    I wish I could write with a British accent and E’s and D’s in Def Leppard font….

    Mar 24, 2010 at 1:53 pm   rating: 15  small thumbs up

    • #5.1   Mo® bang

      MY GOD you have cracked the code! Joe Elliot has obviously penned this mangled missive!

      Mar 24, 2010 at 4:28 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #6   Laura

    I like a note written in a cheesy French accent!

    Mar 24, 2010 at 1:55 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #6.1   Mo® bang

      Gouda for you!

      Mar 24, 2010 at 11:24 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.2   sleeps

      Go and boil your bottoms, you filthy English k-nig-its!

      Mar 25, 2010 at 11:54 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.3   Mo® bang

      I don’t want to talk to you no more, you empty headed animal food trough wiper. I fart in your general direction. Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries.

      Mar 25, 2010 at 12:11 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.4   sleeps

      Now THAT’S a cheesy French accent! Mon dieu!

      Mar 25, 2010 at 7:31 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.5   infanttyrone

      Edam straight it is !

      Mar 26, 2010 at 11:53 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #7   'Arry

    I like ‘ow ‘e omits all the Hs from the start of ‘is words. Very authentic, mate.

    Mar 24, 2010 at 1:56 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

     
  • #8   adam

    I told my cat to not crap in your garden. He said “sure thing master, i apologize”

    Mar 24, 2010 at 1:57 pm   rating: 14  small thumbs up

    • #8.1   Mo® bang

      I say my good man Fluffy I wish to tell you something rather indelicate. Well there isn’t a good way to say it so here goes, You shant shat in the semi-detached neighbors garden. Well there it is and it had to be said.

      Meow?

      Mar 24, 2010 at 4:34 pm   rating: 46  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.2   Woman on the Verge bang

      I love you, Mo.

      Mar 24, 2010 at 4:50 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.3   AuntyBron

      The translation into feline: blah blah blah Fluffy blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blahblah blah blah blah blah blah blah blahblah blah blah blah blah blah blah blahblah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah.

      Mar 25, 2010 at 12:28 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #9   Rachel

    LOL because “telling” a cat to do something is going to make a difference. I’m also not sure if that guy said he’d never touch anyone’s car or anyone’s ear…

    Mar 24, 2010 at 1:59 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #9.1   CrimsonSky

      You know, I read it as ear first, too. Kind of creeped me out a bit.

      Mar 24, 2010 at 3:08 pm   rating: 12  small thumbs up

       
    • #9.2   Mo® bang

      Sneaking in your house at night….slowly padding silently across your floor… coming closer as you sleep… reaching out… touching your… ear!

      EEEEEEEEEEEPPPPPP!!!

      Mar 24, 2010 at 4:31 pm   rating: 12  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #10   SeaD

    Well I am sure you ave “Told” your cat not to shit in his front garden, but cats typically ave no consideration. Seriously, what’s up with the random missing h’s?

    edited to say, there were no posts when I mentioned all the same stuff over. woah, they all appeared at once. >:-/

    Mar 24, 2010 at 2:12 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #11   JulesM

    I just love how he takes the time, at the end of a note of apology, to reprimand Joe for a completely unrelated infraction.

    Mar 24, 2010 at 2:14 pm   rating: 19  small thumbs up

     
  • #12   beanster

    i did, but she won’t listen. she only responds to communication in note form. perhaps you should send one her way.

    Mar 24, 2010 at 2:15 pm   rating: 11  small thumbs up

     
  • #13   GhostWriter bang

    HaHaHa I like the part where you tell the cat not to shit in the garden.

    Mar 24, 2010 at 2:38 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #13.1   claw71 bang

      Best comment ever. I hope you get word.

      Mar 24, 2010 at 2:57 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #14   claw71 bang

    Joe must have seen the other thread where the issue of wayward cats was discussed. I couldn’t help but notice the absence of confirmation that he has a cat or the presentation of a defense for said feline. Boo on you, Joe. The most PA thing about this note is the parting shot about your cat and you failed to provide us with context. What are you hiding from, Joe?

    Mar 24, 2010 at 2:44 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #14.1   WaywardCat

      I must have caused that. I never ended up rereading the comments after I said whatever the heck it was I said.

      Oops?

      Mar 24, 2010 at 4:55 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #15   Bunnee

    “He was not a happy bunny.”

    If bunny ain’t happy, no one’s happy. :wink:

    Mar 24, 2010 at 2:53 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

     
  • #16   claw71 bang

    Hey Joe
    Where you going
    with that cat in your hand?
    Hey Joe
    Where you going
    with that cat in your hand?

    I’m going down to shit on my neighbor’s
    cause he sent me a note meant for another man
    I’m going down to shit on my neighbor’s
    cause he sent me a note meant for another man
    I mean cat poo,

    Mar 24, 2010 at 2:56 pm   rating: 19  small thumbs up

     
  • #17   p4w4rr10r bang

    Peraps e’s H-intolerant? Might I recommend Preparation-H?

    Mar 24, 2010 at 3:02 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

     
  • #18   oi bang

    ear? why he has to clarify that he is not touching anybody’s ear?
    oh I see I am not alone.

    Mar 24, 2010 at 3:16 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #19   sarah

    Its hard to get cats to listen to anything these days. You know, since they unionized. Sigh.

    Mar 24, 2010 at 3:20 pm   rating: 27  small thumbs up

     
  • #20   oi bang

    I liked that his “E”s are very sharp when he talks about an “idiot” neighbor. As if he means to stab with those “E”s to the neighbor.

    Mar 24, 2010 at 3:23 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #21   oi bang

    aye, so was it suppose be to an apology note?
    just like my coworker. I am sorry I meddled in your design but remember the restaurant you picked the other day? I did not like the service there.

    Mar 24, 2010 at 3:27 pm   rating: 14  small thumbs up

     
  • #22   claw71 bang

    Yesterday,
    A note pissed me off in a big way
    Now it looks as though my response went astray
    Oh, a reprieve from yesterday.

    Certainly,
    I never touched a car that belongs not to me
    but that jerk still sent a note to me
    Oh, I wish he’d move–like yesterday

    Why your cat
    had to go
    I don’t know
    she probably can’t say

    But you know, it’s still quite wrong
    so tell her to quit
    She did it last yesterday

    Mar 24, 2010 at 3:30 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

     
  • #23   oi bang

    Who says that letter can not convey your emotions as your voice do?
    look at this guy’s note:
    that tiny “o” in sorry shows his regret over fighting with the wrong neighbor. but mind you that’s very small amount of regret behind it so only “o” is tiny.
    then the stabbing, mad rage toward other neighbor is displayed with those sharp “E”s in the middle paragraphs.
    and at the end you can see his defiance towards Joe by big “R” crossing the top line and “T” with wider top bars.
    That guy is genius.

    Mar 24, 2010 at 3:36 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

     
  • #24   beth

    Hello!!! Greetings and Salutations!!!
    Sorry about the whole “I’m going to cut your head off and use it for bowling” debacle yesterday. I ‘ad the wrong idiots! It was the other idiot who’s selling ‘is ‘ouse. Loser. Anywho, I personally would never put cat shit in anyone’s exhaust pipe or move it two blocks away because I have anger issues. I am considerate, I am a gentleman!!!!
    Oh, and P.S. Your idiot cat shits in my garden garden and I microwave it’s ass.
    Cheerio and Pip Pip!!!!

    Mar 24, 2010 at 4:37 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

     
  • #25   beth

    is it ok if the cat shits in his back garden?? mmm???

    Mar 24, 2010 at 4:38 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #26   Limeliberator bang

    There’s a retaliatory flaming bag of poop on it’s way. I just know it!

    Mar 24, 2010 at 4:51 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #27   H for Toy bang

    Is the neighbor actually sure it was Joe’s cat? After all, he has a history of getting his neighbors confused.

    Mar 24, 2010 at 5:04 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

     
  • #28   shwonline bang

    Oh, sure — he CAN park anywhere, but he WANTS to park in the spot he shoveled out and reserved with a lawn chair.

    *sits back with a smirk to watch the parking wars begin again*

    Mar 24, 2010 at 5:48 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #28.1   H for Toy bang

      I was thinking of suggesting that it’s totally acceptable to shoot stray cats, just so I could start a “stray cats are people too” war, but one war per thread is probably enough.

      Mar 24, 2010 at 5:53 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #29   Wade bang

    If I had a neighbour who could put a note through my door, I think I would walk small until he moved.

    Mar 24, 2010 at 5:53 pm   rating: 14  small thumbs up

    • #29.1   sleeps

      Walk small = my new favorite saying. Gold star.

      Mar 24, 2010 at 9:28 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #29.2   molly ringwald bang

      i get my mail through a slot in the door, so any neighbor could potentially walk up and put anything in my slot (sounds dirty, i know).

      there is nothing creepier than the sound of the screen door opening, the rustling of paper, the creaking of the slot opening, and the sound of mail crashing on the hardwood floor.

      well, except maybe the sound of a phone off the hook. that is creepy.

      Mar 25, 2010 at 9:55 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #29.3   Mo® bang

      The calls and the mail is coming from…
      inside the building!
      *spooky music crescendo*

      Mar 25, 2010 at 9:58 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #30   Escape Goat

    I explained the whole situation to my cat.

    She said, “Meow.”

    I guess we’re good.

    Mar 24, 2010 at 6:44 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

     
  • #31   farcical aquatic ceremony

    Hello!!
    Sorry for the turds in your garden–it turns out your gnome collection causes me to shit involuntarily. By the way–I’ve SEEN the way you touch everyone’s cars when you think no one’s looking; you’re DEFinitely going to ell.
    Sincerely,
    The Cat

    Mar 24, 2010 at 7:01 pm   rating: 12  small thumbs up

     
  • #32   wurdnurd bang

    Also, tell your usband to please be considerate of others and not masturbate on the patio

    Mar 24, 2010 at 7:59 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #32.1   Silly Goose

      or the neighborhood cars.

      Mar 24, 2010 at 8:15 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #32.2   Woman on the Verge bang

      or the neighborhood cats.

      Mar 25, 2010 at 9:32 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #33   Walker, "Tex" (a stranger)

    My cats shit IN the garden. Shitting ON the garden seems like a much larger project.

    Is it just me?

    Mar 24, 2010 at 8:11 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

     
  • #34   TheOldSchool

    It’s bad enough that one can’t even leave his idjit neighbors a semi-coherent, threatening and ‘ostile note that wrongly accuses them of imaginary slights without ‘aving to worry about it winding up on PAN.

    But when one actually takes the time to scribble out a semi-coherent, threatening and ‘ostile apology, only to find that it ‘as wound up on PAN — well then, maybe these idjits shouldn’t profess surprise when their cat goes missing, now, should they?

    Mar 24, 2010 at 8:37 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

     
  • #35   Canthz_B bang

    Must have been written by Vincent van Gogh’s former girlfriend.
    She hasn’t touched an ear or accepted delivery of a package in years.

    Mar 25, 2010 at 1:20 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

     
  • #36   snatchbeast

    ooo, one of the rare hphobics!

    Mar 25, 2010 at 3:55 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #37   poperechny

    She said, “By.”

    Mar 25, 2010 at 4:05 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #38   DanielMac

    That cat was fucking delicious.

    Mar 25, 2010 at 6:34 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #38.1   Woman on the Verge bang

      I hate you.

      Mar 25, 2010 at 9:32 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #38.2   Mo® bang

      Kung Pao Kitteh!

      Mar 25, 2010 at 9:53 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #38.3   sleeps

      NEDM

      Mar 25, 2010 at 11:56 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #39   Hit-and-run drivers send the worst get well cards | PassiveAggressiveNotes.com

    [...] Sorry about yesterday, but… [...]

    Nov 11, 2010 at 8:59 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     

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