77 responses so far ↓

• #1   Isabel

  Was this written by professor Xavier? lmao!!

  Mar 25, 2010 at 10:56 am   rating: 14  
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  • #1.1   MAMARILLA2

    Mutation: it is the key to our evolution. It has enabled us to evolve from a single-celled organism into the dominant species on the planet. This process is slow, and normally taking thousands and thousands of years. But every few hundred millennia, evolution leaps forward.

    Mar 25, 2010 at 2:57 pm   rating: 9  
     
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• #2   Hai Dee

  I like how the exclamation points get progressively larger and larger until the last one loses its dot.

  Mar 25, 2010 at 11:00 am   rating: 35  
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  • #2.1   claw71

    Lack of language skills is not an excuse for abusing punctuation. This isn’t ‘Nam. There are rules. Am I the only one who cares about the rules?

    Mar 25, 2010 at 11:17 am   rating: 30  
     

  • #2.2   Mo®

    Without proper punctuation you are entering a world of pain!

    Mar 25, 2010 at 11:28 am   rating: 9  
     

  • #2.3   sleeps

    Over the line, note-writer! Mark it zero!

    Mar 25, 2010 at 12:44 pm   rating: 14  
     

  • #2.4   peigi

    You’re not wrong, you’re just an asshole. Also, the note writer has problems, man, emotional problems.

    

    Mar 25, 2010 at 1:35 pm   rating: 6  
     

  • #2.5   MAMARILLA2

    How I love the smell of white-out in the morning.

    Mar 25, 2010 at 2:59 pm   rating: 2  
     

  • #2.6   Palomon

    The writer is calmer than you are.

    Mar 25, 2010 at 11:26 pm   rating: 0  
     
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• #3   Mills

  I CAN HEAR YOU IN MY MIND!!!!!!

  Dude, they make meds for that now.

  Mar 25, 2010 at 11:05 am   rating: 48  
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  • #3.1   Grumpy McGrumperson

    You beat me to it, dammit.

    Mar 25, 2010 at 12:38 pm   rating: 1  
     
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• #4   tristanheydt

  “And all those exclamation marks, you notice? Five? A sure sign of someone who wears his underpants on his head.”
  -Terry Pratchett, Maskerade

  Mar 25, 2010 at 11:09 am   rating: 35  
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  • #4.1   claw71

    Well, yeah, because five is an odd number but six is the sign of somebody who really, really, really, really, really, really means business.

    Mar 25, 2010 at 11:15 am   rating: 8  
     
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• #5   claw71

  Thanks to the global reach of PAN and certain provisions in the Patriot Act, an unknown government agency will soon deploy in Loveland and noisy neighbors getting home from the late shift will quickly become the least of this author’s worries. He’d better hope that his powers satisfy this agency’s needs because these aren’t the kind of people who simply issue a “my bad” and send you on your way if things don’t work out.

  Mar 25, 2010 at 11:13 am   rating: 9  
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• #6   Quite Contrary

  How do you not *make* loud?

  Mar 25, 2010 at 11:23 am   rating: 4  
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  • #6.1   Mel K

    It’s like “make” disturb, but quieter.

    Mar 25, 2010 at 3:36 pm   rating: 13  
     
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• #7   jaywalke

  I can hear you in my mind, but I feel you–truly, madly, deeply–in my clavicle.

  Mar 25, 2010 at 11:23 am   rating: 12  
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  • #7.1   Limeliberator

    I feel him as well. He’s manifesting as a pain in my ass.

    I have to wonder about the living situation of the receivers. Do they live above the writer? Or, maybe, they live on the opposite side of the building and the writer does, indeed, hear them in his mind..

    Have you ever been sitting on the couch, reading a book and hear someone say your name but there’s no one around? That’s happened to me a few times. Maybe that’s what he means..

    Mar 25, 2010 at 1:12 pm   rating: 2  
     

  • #7.2   oi

    Shrink’s couch is your friend, use it.

    Mar 25, 2010 at 1:42 pm   rating: 6  
     

  • #7.3   Mo®

    Clavicle, really? Are you a pitcher?

    Mar 26, 2010 at 3:32 pm   rating: 0  
     
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• #8   megan v

  I CAN HEAR YOU IN MY MIND!!!!|.

  Mar 25, 2010 at 11:24 am   rating: 15  
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• #9   Woman on the Verge

  My son, in 3rd grade, was asked to explain why the iron filings moved when the magnet was placed near them. He wrote: “Well, actually, I think I can see them moving with my mind.” He should have received points just for the entertainment value.

  Mar 25, 2010 at 11:26 am   rating: 18  
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• #10   1tba

  sorry to disappoint you guys, but these are not the words of a psychopathic schizo who hears voices. Don’t know what the writers first language ist, but I’m pretty sure that something like “I can hear you in my head” (which many non-native english speaker confuse with “mind”)is a common phrase in that language for hearing something that feels too loud.

  Mar 25, 2010 at 11:30 am   rating: 6  
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  • #10.1   claw71

    Most of us knew that, 1tba, we really did. It’s just more fun to assume otherwise and when you peel away all of the formal trappings of this site, that’s really what we’re all here for: fun.

    Some of us are out of work and need to socialize. Others are mired in dull workaday minutia and simply need a break. Some of us are insecure and seek validation for being witty, intelligent or insightful, while a few are just mean little bullies who like to talk tough on the internet. At least one of use likes to jerk off to sexy avatar pictures.

    But then you had to come along and ruin it for everybody. You stole the fun we could have had with drab logic and you didn’t even include an avatar worth raising a chubby over. You’re right, of course, but that doesn’t detract from the more pertinent fact: you suck.

    Thanks for ruining everybody’s day. We had so little and you took it from us with your big fat brain.

    Mar 25, 2010 at 11:40 am   rating: 89  
     

  • #10.2   Mo®

    No shit, really!?!?!?!?!?

    HEY I stopped spanking it when those little chubby girl legs no longer showed up in the avatar grid… what a sad day.

    Mar 25, 2010 at 11:40 am   rating: 5  
     

  • #10.3   claw71

    I still squeeze off a round for Glo because I get the flower metaphor. Right now I’m debating between Sarah and Sexy Sarah. I think Sexy Sarah is probably over-selling herself. Girls who promote themselves as sexy generally just lay there until you finish. So I’m thinking regular Sarah is probably a freak. Of course I kind of like the looks of Tabitha’s avatar. I think there’s room for two if you’re so inclined.

    Mar 25, 2010 at 11:51 am   rating: 4  
     

  • #10.4   Mo®

    definitely room for two. Looks like a DP response.

    Sexy Sarah is probably just baiting with that. If you put “sexy” into your name the inverse is probably true. “Pain in the neck, never gives it up and don’t even think about anal” Sarah would be more accurate.

    Mar 25, 2010 at 12:00 pm   rating: 4  
     

  • #10.5   anglophile

    Maybe I should switch to a Georgia O’Keefe, claw?

    Or perhaps something like this would help you out more?

    Mar 25, 2010 at 2:06 pm   rating: 1  
     

  • #10.6   claw71

    Glo, I threw that out
    I don’t play around
    with some crazy sand globe wanker
    I slip a girl like you
    a roofie or two
    get freaky and then I’ll thank ya

    Seriously, at first blush that looks like one of the pictures you’d see in the M4W section in craigslist casual encounters. Then you look a little close and you realize that it better resembles somebody squeezing the core out of an infected cyst.

    Mar 25, 2010 at 3:34 pm   rating: 1  
     

  • #10.7   Palomon

    Claw, 10.3:
    Since when is just laying there not sexy?
    I mean, how do you tell when a woman has an orgasm?
    Women don’t have orgasms.
    But avatars do. I can hear avatar screams in my head.

    Mar 25, 2010 at 11:55 pm   rating: 5  
     
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• #11   oi

  ok so this guy always comes home late at night and kicks remove his shoes off one by one making big racket. His neighbor always wakes up from this noise. One day he confronts our guy and our guy apologizes and says that he won’t do it anymore. He comes late at night and as usual kicks off his left shoe . Then he remembers the complaint and removes the right shoe quietly and goes to sleep. Suddenly he hears loud and ferocious knocking on the door and finds disheveled neighbor on the threshold. The neighbor yells at him practically inches from his face : When are you gonna throw your other shoe? damn it!
  Note writer anticipates that noise so much that she can hear them in her mind!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  Mar 25, 2010 at 11:31 am   rating: 18  
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• #12   Mo®

  Sometimes when a man and a wife get home from a long night at work they just want to make loud. If the mood is right and the wine is fine they make it real loud!!!!!
  Searching lips and tongues exploring, hands groping and caressing. Limbs entwined with carnal intent. Go back to the Kasbah and live in a tent!
  bow chicka wow wow!

  Mar 25, 2010 at 11:37 am   rating: 22  
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  • #12.1   claw71

    You lie, Mo! Unless you meant the wife is hooking up with a random man who is definitely not her husband because when a married couple gets home from a long night at work the wife slaps on those ugly flannel pjs while the husband sucks the cheese sauce from the Arby’s beef and cheddar he devoured on the way home out of his mustache. If they make any noise it’s usually gas.

    Mar 25, 2010 at 11:45 am   rating: 14  
     

  • #12.2   Mo®

    *Pffffffffffffffttttttttttbbbbbbbbbbbb*
    Okay you caught me I was actually thinking of the husband getting home with the nineteen year old new hire who has a mouth like a hungry shop vac.

    Mar 25, 2010 at 11:55 am   rating: 8  
     

  • #12.3   H for Toy

    So… making loud = moments of disturb?

    Mar 25, 2010 at 1:50 pm   rating: 8  
     
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• #13   Clare

  It was the beating of his HIDEOUS HEART!

  Mar 25, 2010 at 12:16 pm   rating: 37  
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  • #13.1   oi

    I am not mad! I heard all things in the heaven and in the earth. I heard many things in hell. I hear them all in my mind!!!

    Mar 25, 2010 at 12:32 pm   rating: 4  
     

  • #13.2   Mo®

    I could bear those hypocritical smiles no longer! I felt that I must scream or die! — and now — again — hark! louder! louder! louder! LOUDER!

    Mar 25, 2010 at 2:10 pm   rating: 4  
     
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• #14   Jason

  I have always been impressed at humanity’s general lack of ability to understand the difference between trying, halfassedly, to be quiet and actually being quiet.

  Mar 25, 2010 at 12:21 pm   rating: 15  
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• #15   R.M.

  I can hear you in my plane, I can hear you in my train! I can hear you in a box, I can hear you with my foxy fox!!! – Dr. Seuss’ greatest novel

  Mar 25, 2010 at 12:35 pm   rating: 17  
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• #16   splint chesthair

  Some people were just no designed for apartment living. Squeaky floors betray the slightest movement. I know my upstairs neighbor runs to bathroom immediately after sex. I mean immediately. It’s like squeak…squeak…squeaksqueaksqueaksqueaksqueaksqueak…jump…run run run run…faucet sounds…toilet flush. Everytime!

  Mar 25, 2010 at 1:20 pm   rating: 12  
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  • #16.1   claw71

    What is it about good sex that makes me have to crap? You really jarred something loose, tiger!

    Mar 25, 2010 at 1:33 pm   rating: 9  
     

  • #16.2   Fuschia Grown

    Hello darkness, my old friend….

    Mar 25, 2010 at 1:39 pm   rating: 2  
     

  • #16.3   Mo®

    It’s time for me to poop again. ♬

    Mar 25, 2010 at 2:12 pm   rating: 11  
     

  • #16.4   MAMARILLA2

    Because the bran flakes softly creeping…
    Into my bowels.. they were seeping……
    And the sound of a big old stinky fart, in the dark…
    And broke the sounds..of silence.

    Mar 25, 2010 at 3:22 pm   rating: 14  
     

  • #16.5   Mo®

    Hooray hooray! Oh Mamarilla! ♥ !!!!!!11!!1!

    Mar 25, 2010 at 4:08 pm   rating: 0  
     

  • #16.6   Babzilla

    I used to think the guy downstairs was extremly loud, loud tv, loud talking, loud everything. until one day, I was sitting there watching tv (the same channel as him becuase that was all I could hear) and I hear him burp. and not like a loud, juicy, puff out your chest and be proud loud…but a meager little ‘urp’. I knew then that there was absolutly no insulation and not only did I know everything about him but he knew everything about us. We moved the next month.

    Mar 25, 2010 at 4:37 pm   rating: 11  
     

  • #16.7   H for Toy

    I have to stop coming in here before bed. I had finally been able to stop singing “The Sounds of Silence” in my mind from earlier today. Then I go and read Mo and Mamarilla! You have the earworm factor and on top of that, you have to bran factor… oy!

    I’m with matty-wat. Wish I could quit you but you’re too damn addictive!

    Mar 25, 2010 at 9:44 pm   rating: 4  
     

  • #16.8   chefgrrl

    I still hear the Sounds of Silence IN MY MIND!!!!!l.

    Mar 26, 2010 at 1:09 am   rating: 7  
     

  • #16.9   bowloftoast

    i can smell you in my mind!!!

    Mar 26, 2010 at 3:20 am   rating: 3  
     

  • #16.10   Canthz_B

    BOT, the reply letter would probably read:

    “That’s not us you smell in your mind, Shit-For-Brains!”

    Mar 26, 2010 at 5:38 am   rating: 5  
     

  • #16.11   Mo®

    We ♥ you HforToy

    ♪ And in the naked light I saw
    Ten thousand people, maybe more.
    People sharting without squeaking,
    People cheek sneaking without leaking,
    People making loud and dancing in their underwear
    They don’t care
    Make disturb the sound of silence. ♬

    Mar 26, 2010 at 10:57 am   rating: 3  
     

  • #16.12   H for Toy

    “People cheek sneaking without leaking”

    My new favorite line to that song. I don’t know how to do cute little pictures, but I heart you too, Mo.

    Mar 27, 2010 at 5:32 pm   rating: 1  
     
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• #17   oi

  what’s up with that hallowed T?

  Mar 25, 2010 at 1:39 pm   rating: 0  
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• #18   Heather

  Nothing like makin’ loud in Loveland.

  Buuuhhhh.

  Mar 25, 2010 at 1:40 pm   rating: 3  
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• #19   veritybrown

  Weird thought here, but maybe the note writer is deaf? Perhaps whatever the neighbors are doing when they get home sets off vibrations, more so than actual noise, and the vibrations jar the note writer awake? That would make sense of both the strange assertion and the bad grammar. (It was actually the bad grammar that made me think of this, because several members of my husband’s family are deaf, and they write with this “accent,” because they use ASL syntax instead of English syntax.)

  Mar 25, 2010 at 2:04 pm   rating: 3  
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  • #19.1   claw71

    But would a deaf person use the term “loud”? I don’t think so. This is definitely somebody from another country with a very limited grasp of our language. I’m thinking Chinese. I say this because I was recently eating in a Chinese restaurant and received a lecture from the manager very similar to this one after a left cheek sneak went awry.

    Mar 25, 2010 at 2:15 pm   rating: 3  
     

  • #19.2   oi

    What’s ” left cheek sneak”? I am afraid to google it for the sole reason of it coming from Claw.

    Mar 25, 2010 at 3:01 pm   rating: 4  
     

  • #19.3   MAMARILLA2

    But did you attribute it to a rouge elephant.

    Mar 25, 2010 at 3:10 pm   rating: 3  
     

  • #19.4   claw71

    The left cheek sneak is a rather common practice employed for the purpose of expelling flatus in public places. This technique often yields the infamous “SBD” (Silent But Deadly) but practiced flatulists can usually detect noxious flatus through its heat signature and quickly deploy into a crop-dusting position by simply following through with the lean and walking briskly to his right.

    The left cheek sneak is not recommended for people who are left-footed. These people often resort to the right cheek sneak. The very best flatulists can seamlessly transition between the two methods with some actually having enough agility to switch in mid fart.

    One danger of the cheek sneak is the unpredictable composition of the gas. Certain compounds, as well as the presence of feces in the colon can result in higher rectal pressure. Under certain conditions the cheek sneak method can actually enhance the audible nature of the flatus thus rendering the “whoever smelt(sic) it dealt it” provision of 1899 moot.

    Mar 25, 2010 at 3:16 pm   rating: 23  
     

  • #19.5   oi

    so it did “came” from you.
    heh! how can you write on subjects like this with a a straight face? Tone of your comment is as serious as if you are talking about new health care bill!

    Mar 25, 2010 at 3:34 pm   rating: 2  
     

  • #19.6   fan

    Oh, please, quit making loud!
    I CAN SMELL THAT IN MY MIND!!!!!

    Mar 25, 2010 at 3:45 pm   rating: 13  
     

  • #19.7   Mo®

    In 1901 the provision was appealed with the now classic “Whoever denied it supplied it” defense used in District of Colombia v. Karl Hungus.

    Mar 25, 2010 at 4:23 pm   rating: 10  
     

  • #19.8   MAMARILLA2

    By the famous law firm of Hungerdunger, Hungerdunger, Hungerdunger, and McCormick.”

    Mar 25, 2010 at 4:50 pm   rating: 2  
     

  • #19.9   Limeliberator

    I’m ambidextrous so I employ the one-cheek sneak method which can go to the left or right, dependant upon the positioning of the company that one keeps. However, I can’t stress enough that one should never attempt a one-cheek sneak if a turtle-head is an imminent possibility as this could result in a “shart.”

    Mar 25, 2010 at 5:29 pm   rating: 3  
     

  • #19.10   sleeps

    I’m sorry, can we briefly return to the rouge elephant comment at 19.3? Is it common to blame a gassy transgression on a pachyderm wearing blush? From whence comes this expression? I must know!

    Mar 25, 2010 at 7:28 pm   rating: 2  
     

  • #19.11   veritybrown

    If a deaf person was writing a note to a hearing person, they might well use the word “loud.” It would be reasonable (but not necessarily accurate) to assume that the target of the note was being “loud,” even though the deaf person couldn’t literally hear it.

    Mar 25, 2010 at 8:48 pm   rating: 0  
     

  • #19.12   Canthz_B

    Yeah, but with the other senses enhanced, a deaf person can easily see, taste, touch and smell a ruckus!

    Mar 25, 2010 at 9:59 pm   rating: 1  
     

  • #19.13   Mo®

    Rouge elephants often trumpet their intent to stampede to Sephora on sale days. Then in a lapse of good sense they eat in the food court and you know what that food can doo to you.

    Mar 26, 2010 at 11:02 am   rating: 1  
     
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• #20   Slow Gin

  I love moments of disturb … in my mind.

  Mar 25, 2010 at 3:10 pm   rating: 2  
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• #21   claw71

  Air Supply…

  Late nite please you whisper
  make noise you make cry
  no nite time play like dancers
  quiet time please you try
  in my mind i no can take it
  please you try or I scream
  noise make me try to kill you
  it come to me in my dream

  I don’t no how I write you
  I no have phone number I call
  How can you try do it

  Make the loud, out of nothing at all

  Mar 25, 2010 at 3:27 pm   rating: 2  
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• #22   the Librarian

  Breasts weren’t working for me, so I threw my breasts away. I threw them out the window of my Lamborghini…in my mind. No, I threw them out the window of my Ford Fiesta, actually…in my mind. I threw them out, over the handlebars, threw them out the window of my bicycle…in my fucking head.

  Mar 25, 2010 at 6:12 pm   rating: 1  
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• #23   UnclGhost

  It looks kinda like “MIND!!!!!1.”

  Mar 25, 2010 at 6:31 pm   rating: 0  
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• #24   Canthz_B

  I think that if they “make” much too loudly, perhaps a package of laxatives would have been a more appropriate gift to leave than a PA note.

  Mar 25, 2010 at 7:49 pm   rating: 1  
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• #25   Odious

  Most of the notes presented ere make me shake my ead, some make me crack a smile, others are simply orrible. This one really made me laugh. Onest! Not sure why this strikes me as being so funny. One more appy customer!

  Mar 25, 2010 at 8:04 pm   rating: 0  
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• #26   no_need

  I’m almost to the point of writing a note like this to my housemate in the bedroom above me – I swear she keeps a pet elephant in her room :p Now I know – all I have to do is tell her I CAN HEAR HER IN MY MIND!!!!!!

  Mar 26, 2010 at 8:00 am   rating: 0  
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• #27   Canthz_B

  Whoa! The orderly line of his human mind has finally gone berserk.
  In fact, his is a mind I wouldn’t want to cross!

  Mar 27, 2010 at 1:38 pm   rating: 0  
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