The passive-aggressive wunderkind

March 29th, 2010 · 92 comments

Mandie in Sullivan, Illinois found this love note from her six-year-old daughter tucked under her pillow one night. Can we get this kid on a stamp, stat? I think she has a future at Hallmark (or someecards).

Mommy I Love you sometimes !!!!!!!

Perhaps she could work on getting this prototype (by six-year-old Max in Marietta, Georgia) into production.

Dear Cameron, I am so sorry that I smacked you in the privates.

related: The joys of motherhood

FILED UNDER: exclamation-point happy!!!! · Georgia · Illinois · kids · Moms & Dads


92 responses so far ↓

  • #1   QuarterRoy00 bang

    I bet Cam’ron isn’t sorry…

    Mar 29, 2010 at 12:36 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

     
  • #2   Diana

    I hate getting smaced in the privets.

    Mar 29, 2010 at 12:53 pm   rating: 30  small thumbs up

    • #2.1   sleeps

      That’s why I keep my privets well-trimmed.

      Mar 29, 2010 at 12:58 pm   rating: 24  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.2   Mo® bang

      Some people are like so smaced out man!

      Mar 29, 2010 at 1:47 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.3   claw71 bang

      That’s why nobody’s responding to your craigslist ad.

      Mar 29, 2010 at 1:48 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.4   mamason bang

      I’d pay good money to have my privets smaced.

      Mar 29, 2010 at 4:01 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.5   Mo® bang

      How much?

      Mar 29, 2010 at 4:15 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.6   park rose bang

      Once you get smaced in the privets, you know you done wrong, you’re getting your comeuppance, and it’s gonna get even worse.

      Spased in the privets is the most unbearable – pepper, mace, taser – you know you should have tied her hands up first . . .

      Mar 29, 2010 at 4:33 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.7   Canthz_B bang

      A smace in the hand is worth two in the privet.

      Mar 29, 2010 at 9:40 pm   rating: 19  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.8   Xenobiologista

      Camron should have planted, I dunno, holly or hawthorn or better yet, stinging nettles instead of privets. That’ll teach Max.

      Just in case anyone’s not clear… http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Privet

      Mar 30, 2010 at 11:57 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #3   MarkI

    Well, at least you brought your daughter up to be honest!

    Mar 29, 2010 at 12:58 pm   rating: 15  small thumbs up

     
  • #4   loves.sugar

    Ahahaha! Those need to be framed and put on display!

    Mar 29, 2010 at 1:00 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #4.1   claw71 bang

      YEAH!

      (We’re talking about Camron’s privates, right? )

      Mar 29, 2010 at 1:46 pm   rating: 28  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.2   loves.sugar

      Maybe…

      Mar 30, 2010 at 7:11 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #5   Atella

    I’m a little concerned about the second picture. I mean, that is great that he is apologizing for the smacking of the privates, but the star with “Be a good boy” written in it is slightly disturbing….

    Mar 29, 2010 at 1:02 pm   rating: 43  small thumbs up

    • #5.1   Mo® bang

      Uhhhh yeah just a tad ritual like…

      Mar 29, 2010 at 1:48 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #5.2   shwonline bang

      The missing words in two empty arms of the star: “or else”.

      Mar 29, 2010 at 4:26 pm   rating: 37  small thumbs up

       
    • #5.3   Candy

      He’s also drawn a very minimalist/art deco set of ‘privets’ on the front of the card (you can just see them faintly through the other side of the paper)

      This kid has style.

      Mar 30, 2010 at 10:12 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #6   Astounder

    These are superb. I vote for a PAN Kiddie Note Special at least once a week!

    Mar 29, 2010 at 1:09 pm   rating: 17  small thumbs up

    • #6.1   Mo® bang

      Absofuckinglutely not!

      Mar 29, 2010 at 1:49 pm   rating: 34  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.2   farcical aquatic ceremony

      @Mo (a thumb up just wasn’t enough)
      I can already picture those super obnoxious parents flooding our poor webmistress with ‘entries’ in the hopes of getting to make & affix next to the sticker about their honor roll kid one saying “My (brat) was on PAN!”
      *barf*

      Mar 29, 2010 at 2:55 pm   rating: 15  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.3   Mo® bang

      Then in some weird meta the PAN entry ends up on STFU, Parents!

      Mar 29, 2010 at 3:25 pm   rating: 12  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.4   famine

      Mo and farcical aquatic ceremony: you rock! Took the words right out of my mouth.

      Mar 29, 2010 at 5:29 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #7   Fuschia Grown

    Dear Daughter,

    I love you sometimes, too! Other times, I lock the front door and act surprised when you say that you don’t have a key.

    Conditionally yours,
    Mommy

    Mar 29, 2010 at 1:10 pm   rating: 62  small thumbs up

    • #7.1   Limeliberator bang

      Mrs. Slocombe, is that you?

      Mar 29, 2010 at 8:33 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.2   Mo® bang

      Miss Brahms are you free?

      doubleplusplus limeliberator!

      Mar 30, 2010 at 9:30 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.3   Fuschia Grown

      Alas, I am merely Fuschia. But I am delighted to have Mrs. Slocombe and her errant pussy represent me.

      Mar 30, 2010 at 3:39 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.4   Mo® bang

      Oh that does suit Madame!

      Mar 30, 2010 at 3:42 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #8   claw71 bang

    I bet we wouldn’t be enjoying the first note if she had pressed for clarification. What do you mean sometimes, Mandie could have asked?

    Well mommy, her daughter would have replied, I sometimes don’t love you when you drink the grown up juice and take off all your clothes in front of Uncle Paul. I also don’t like it when Uncle Larry comes over when Daddy has to work late. I sometimes hate you when you burn me with cigarettes, too. But when you’re nice to me I love you very much.

    Mar 29, 2010 at 1:44 pm   rating: 17  small thumbs up

    • #8.1   park rose bang

      I think it’s clear, Claw. There are all kinds of love out there. Who are we to judge? Sometimes Mandie’s daughter is into Mommy Love; at other times it’s a different kind of relation.

      Mar 29, 2010 at 4:41 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.2   helloise

      You’re a pervert.

      Mar 29, 2010 at 7:23 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.3   park rose bang

      Claw, or myself? I’m usually patds. Might be a pervert in my privet time.

      Mar 29, 2010 at 8:24 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.4   anglophile bang

      Oh hai there, helloise! First day on PAN?

      Little tip for you: don’t take anything here seriously. You’ll sleep better.

      Mar 29, 2010 at 8:33 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.5   Canthz_B bang

      Glo, Helloise usually gives the hints! :lol:

      Mar 29, 2010 at 9:38 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.6   prairielily

      Claw, are you telling us your real name is Larry?

      Mar 30, 2010 at 10:10 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.7   Scribbles the Monkey bang

      I think Helloise meant to say “You’re a privet.”

      Mar 30, 2010 at 5:43 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #9   claw71 bang

    So this Max is a Freemason, isn’t he?

    Mar 29, 2010 at 1:49 pm   rating: 11  small thumbs up

    • #9.1   park rose bang

      He looks cute in his apron and funny hat.

      Mar 29, 2010 at 4:39 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #9.2   Canthz_B bang

      Max is a Ninja Freemason, Master of the Square and Compass Technique.

      Mar 29, 2010 at 9:32 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #10   karen

    laughing so hard at the that’s why I keep my privates trimmed comment…lmao. no seriously at least she’s honest and I’m sure the private apologiizer was set up to write that

    Mar 29, 2010 at 1:53 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #10.1   sleeps

      Untrimmed hedgerows are no laughing matter! They can obstruct motorists’ view! It’s a matter of public safety! Sometimes I spend all weekend outside, trimming my privets. You can even make them into shapes. In fact, the schoolkids next door love it when I trim the privets into farm animal shapes.

      Mar 29, 2010 at 2:02 pm   rating: 22  small thumbs up

       
    • #10.2   Mo® bang

      The question mark is truly a stunner though!~

      Mar 29, 2010 at 3:30 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #10.3   park rose bang

      The Riddler trims his privets?

      Mar 29, 2010 at 4:42 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #10.4   Babzilla

      No, no sleeps… I think you meant to say: “it is a matter of pubic safety!”

      Mar 30, 2010 at 10:21 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #10.5   Scribbles the Monkey bang

      I wish my privets would grow a little bigger…

      Mar 30, 2010 at 5:51 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #10.6   sleeps

      “No pubic option!”

      Mar 30, 2010 at 6:32 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #11   Silence

    I wish people would write me apologies when they smack my privates.

    Or at least buy me dinner first.

    Mar 29, 2010 at 2:51 pm   rating: 17  small thumbs up

    • #11.1   TheOldSchool

      He didn’t ‘smack’ them, he ‘smaced’ them.

      Smacing is when you hold a small spray bottle next to your privets and spray someone else in the face when they get near.

      It was a popular party gag back in the 40s and 50s. The best part of the experience is seeing the startled look on your would be servicer’s face when he or she pops back up.

      Note: always use water in the spray bottle. Never urine.

      Mar 29, 2010 at 10:34 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #11.2   meri

      hurts to laugh! hahahaha!

      Mar 29, 2010 at 11:06 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #11.3   yodel

      :D you’re hilarious.

      Mar 30, 2010 at 2:07 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #12   H for Toy bang

    Is that a picture of Camron’s privets on the other side of the page?

    Mar 29, 2010 at 2:59 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #12.1   Mo® bang

      I think it may be a 8 x 10 color glossy reproduction of the crime with circles and arrows showing the approach, the wind up, and the getaway. This being the first in a series the aerial view was not ready at the time PAN went to press.

      Mar 29, 2010 at 3:29 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.2   TheOldSchool

      I’ve just looked at this with 3-D glasses and it is totally obvious that the two figures on the flip side are French Kissing.

      Mar 29, 2010 at 9:56 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #13   Escape Goat

    Max, “Redrum. Redrum.” Ring a bell? If so, I’m on your side. (And I’m wearing a cup … permanently.)

    Mar 29, 2010 at 5:03 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #14   humberthumbert

    Dear Mandie’s daughter: But you love me all the time don’t you, my sweet nymphet.

    Mar 29, 2010 at 7:03 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #15   Izze

    Dear Privet Smacer,
    I thought it was made clear to you that you were not allowed to contact me in anyway due to the restraining order. And stop sneaking your creepy pentacles into notes trying to use some sort of black magic on me to be a “good boy” or whatever the hell. That black magic you intended to use to smace my privets was not real, and neither are those. Get over your wicken privet smacing ways, and try to live life normally.
    Yours truly,
    Cam’ron.

    Mar 29, 2010 at 7:36 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

     
  • #16   Canthz_B bang

    Max, AKA Damien, is but a circle away from perfecting his first pentagram.
    He may be sorry today, but Camron will be very sorry tomorrow.

    Mar 29, 2010 at 8:22 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

     
  • #17   Limeliberator bang

    I like a good smacing…

    Mar 29, 2010 at 8:34 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #18   xyzzy

    Aww, Mandie is only six years old, and has already learned how to write “U” instead of “you” like all the big girls!

    Max gets the star for being polite — my little brother sure didn’t give our then-stepdad a note of apology for smacing him in the privets while rough-housing at around the same age!

    Mar 29, 2010 at 8:43 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #18.1   Meesh

      On a related note, I’m sorry for smacing your stepdad in the privets while… rough-housing.

      Mar 30, 2010 at 7:34 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #18.2   Canthz_B bang

      That wasn’t rough-housing…it was horseplay.

      Mar 30, 2010 at 8:15 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #19   Denny DelVecchio

    Wait, the second note was the mother’s response, right?

    Yours in Love,
    Denny DelVecchio

    Mar 29, 2010 at 8:44 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

     
  • #20   TheOldSchool

    I think someone should look up this “I. S.” character and mace his privets!

    Mar 29, 2010 at 9:42 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #21   Escape Goat

    At least Max had the bawls to apologize his mistak.

    Mar 30, 2010 at 7:38 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #22   matty-wat

    “If a body smace a body comin’ through the privets”

    Mar 30, 2010 at 12:34 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #22.1   Mark bang

      Shut up, you phoney. You’re all phoneys!

      Mar 30, 2010 at 1:05 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #23   Sam

    “Mommy – I love you sometimes”

    Nothing’s changed. I still love you, oh I still love you. Only slightly less than I used to.

    Mar 30, 2010 at 12:50 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #24   Mo® bang

    I’m a smace cowboy
    Bet you weren’t ready for that
    I’m a smace cowboy
    I’m sure you know where it’s at
    Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

    Mar 30, 2010 at 2:23 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #25   T

    Dude, I have some from my 8 year old that would put those to shame.

    Kids are freakin’ hilarious.

    Mar 30, 2010 at 3:02 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #25.1   Scribbles the Monkey bang

      STFU, Parent.

      Mar 30, 2010 at 5:56 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #26   wurdnurd

    My privet used to be a sarjent – ’till my wife smaced it. She used her smacer – thingy, I think. And she’s NOT SORRY!!

    Mar 30, 2010 at 9:18 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
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    Sep 15, 2010 at 6:44 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
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