As spotted by Brad at a ski lodge in Palmerton, Pennsylvania…
By Hickepedia at an office in Richmond, Virginia…
By Kyle at his apartment building in Los Angeles…
And by Leah at her office in Chicago…
related: Is this a thing now?
Oh, and NOW you tell me
March 31st, 2010 · 112 comments
FILED UNDER: food · microwave · office · WTF?
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112 responses so far ↓
#1
adam
The dumbing down of society?
Mar 31, 2010 at 10:59 am rating: 10
#2
Mamie
I don’t know how you expect me to tell the difference between hand soap and coffee creamer before I’ve had my morning coffee.
Mar 31, 2010 at 11:10 am rating: 44
#3
Hmmm
So I was using the stove to fry up some meat when it caught on fire. I tried putting the fire out with a towel, but that caught on fire too. I didn’t want the whole place to burn down so I threw the towel out the window. Then later that day I see that some asshat posted a PA note about it.
And I couldn’t even eat my burger cause it was burnt to a crisp from the fire and, of course, you can’t return them.
Worst. Day. Ever.
Mar 31, 2010 at 11:12 am rating: 44
#4
Woman on the Verge
Thank you, Captain Obvious, for averting these potential disastrous misunderstandings. Now excuse me while I extinguish my flaming microwaved towel with this non-dairy creamer.
Mar 31, 2010 at 11:17 am rating: 11
#5
Aksijuice
It’s reassuring to know I’m not the only person to try and use a Coffee-Mate creamer pump as hand soap. It really added to my hungover morning – I smelled delicious and creamy!
Mar 31, 2010 at 11:18 am rating: 16
#6
MrsRochester
this is not handsoap.
there is no spoon.
Mar 31, 2010 at 11:31 am rating: 3
#7
Gail
Whoever wrote the note on the microwave clearly doesn’t get geeks.
Mar 31, 2010 at 11:34 am rating: 2
#8
claw71
The list of things Coffee Mate is not happens to be much longer than we can publish here, but among them is ‘something you want to put in your coffee’.
It is, however, a surprisingly effective alternative to intimate lubrication if you’re a little tired of the phony mint and cinnamon flavors that proliferate the market.
Mar 31, 2010 at 11:42 am rating: 11
#9
oi
coffee mate sucks. If you are suffering from constipation and want to induce throw up, coffee mate is sure fire. [just get a cup of piping hot water and add stir/dissolve spoonful coffee mate, the odor, it will ooze out, is vile enough to induce puking. you don't even have to drink it!] or you don’t want to get drunk but still want to enjoy the “perks” of hangover, go coffee mated coffee.
Mar 31, 2010 at 11:47 am rating: 7
#10
claw71
Blue Mountain is the ski resort in Palmerton, PA and, as a visitor to that gem of a slope I have to tell you, I think you could challenge the claim that their burgers contain what the FDA would define as ‘meat’.
Of course, this revelation might be what has triggered a large enough surge in return requests to provoke the note in question. I don’t know about you, but if a food counter has to put up a sign like that I’m going to limit my noshing to a bag of chips and another Yuengling.
Mar 31, 2010 at 11:56 am rating: 10
#11
ChronoGrl
Does that mean that I can return all of my fuzzy vegetables? Because they’ve giving off a weird smell in the fridge…
Mar 31, 2010 at 12:04 pm rating: 3
#12
Bunnee
But I love how soft Coffee Mate leaves my hands!!
Mar 31, 2010 at 12:07 pm rating: 12
#13
GhostWriter
Top Ten Addendums to the 4th Note:
(10) …but it will do in a pinch!
Mar 31, 2010 at 12:21 pm rating: 2
#14
shwonline
You may, however, throw subjects out the window – this includes flaming peasants.
Mar 31, 2010 at 12:25 pm rating: 16
#15
Brunogirl
Vegan burgers are the way to go… Pure grain fed.
Mar 31, 2010 at 12:51 pm rating: 3
#16
jamsy
Hmmm, this might explain why my hands smell so mochalicious after I wash them at the office…
Mar 31, 2010 at 12:51 pm rating: 7
#17
ClearlyDemented
Just as the with plaintiff’s in the lawsuits that caused all ladders to have 47 warnings on them informing us not to dive off of them, I propose legislation to force these note-causers to be chemically castrated.
Mar 31, 2010 at 12:54 pm rating: 2
#18
shannon
I work in a lab building and we have to (by safety regulation) put for food use and not for food use on all microwaves, refrigerators, and freezers.
Mar 31, 2010 at 1:07 pm rating: 2
#19
QuarterRoy00
Are we sure these weren’t all taken from Republican headquarters?
Mar 31, 2010 at 1:13 pm rating: 1
#20
Fuschia Grown
Wait, the microwave is for food use only? Damn. Where will I nuke the babies when they won’t stop crying?
Mar 31, 2010 at 1:28 pm rating: 11
#21
Mo®
Hamburgers and cheeseburgers contain meat… Soylent Green contains people. People! No Returns!
Mar 31, 2010 at 1:33 pm rating: 11
#22
Mo®
Flaming arrows and boiling oil are okay in case of siege.
Mar 31, 2010 at 1:36 pm rating: 6
#23
Sam
Okay.. I’ll bite. What the hell are people using microwaves for except for food?
Unless it’s nuking “peeps”. They are technically not food. And it’s really cool what happens.
Mar 31, 2010 at 1:56 pm rating: 3
#24
PhishGirl
Awesome. I am a waitress and one time this lady ordered a burger…and then she didn’t eat it. When I asked her if anything was wrong, she said that she was a vegetarian.
Moron.
Mar 31, 2010 at 1:59 pm rating: 5
#25
claw71
Jules: I do love the taste of a good burger. Mm-mm-mm. You know what they call a quarter pound patty with cheese in Palmerton?
Brad: No.
Jules: Tell ‘em, Vincent.
Vincent: A nonreturnable product, wit cheese.
Jules: A nonreturnable product with cheese! You know why they call it that?
Brad: Because of the shitty taste?
Jules: Check out the big brain on Brad! You’re a smart motherfucker. That’s right. The shitty taste.
Mar 31, 2010 at 2:12 pm rating: 25
#26
quintessa
These notes almost had me cracking up in Communications class. I wish I knew the story behind the first one, although I suspect the writer of the last one had him/herself confused the coffeemate for soap, with poor results.
Mar 31, 2010 at 2:43 pm rating: 2
#27
Konnor
The flaming towels one has an “In case of fire” sign next to it!
Mar 31, 2010 at 3:45 pm rating: 2
#28
wheezeew
Do not defenenstrate flowels!!!
Mar 31, 2010 at 4:58 pm rating: 5
#29
wurdnurd
Note to self: Replace Coffee Mate content with Ivory liquid. Enjoy the ensuing hilarity with secret smugness while considering the stupidity of those unsuspecting idiots who are too cheap to pay for good 7-11 coffee (with steamed milk, of course).
Mar 31, 2010 at 6:40 pm rating: 4
#30
wurdnurd
So, if you’re not food DON’T USE THE FUCKING MICROWAVE ! Christ Almighty!
Mar 31, 2010 at 6:42 pm rating: 7
#31
nativefloridian
This sounds like a whole bunch of interesting stories…
Mar 31, 2010 at 7:47 pm rating: 2
#32
Silly Goose
Last pic:
But can I use those napkins as toilet paper? Thanx.
Mar 31, 2010 at 9:09 pm rating: 1
#33
Denny DelVecchio
If someone in my office were using Coffee Mate for hand soap, I wouldn’t write a note–I’d quickly start a “Coffee Mate as Hand Soap” fund and rip that sign right down to make sure the practice continued indefinitely.
In fact, I might go as far as to pay the offender to continue using it as hand soap.
Yours in Love,
Denny DelVecchio
yournewbadhabit.blogspot.com
Mar 31, 2010 at 9:22 pm rating: 1
#34
Canthz_B
Somehow I don’t think the microwave note would affect Andrew Zimmerman very much.
He thinks everything is “food”.
Mar 31, 2010 at 11:00 pm rating: 0
#35
TheOldSchool
Why was Brad at this “ski lodge” in Palmerton?
His story just doesn’t add up.
Apr 1, 2010 at 12:42 am rating: 3
#36
AKS
That hand soap was fucking delicious. Seriously. I think it’s the Hazelnut flavor.
Apr 1, 2010 at 3:00 am rating: 2
#37
whatthe?
This site really needs thumbs down as well.
Apr 1, 2010 at 6:13 am rating: 2
#38
Grant
“I didn’t say I wanted to return the burger. I said I thought I was going to bring it back.”
Apr 1, 2010 at 6:32 am rating: 1
#39
Canthz_B
“The Microwaves” is a great name for a Rock Band.
Smaller than Bootsy’s 1980 “Ultra Wave” though.
Apr 1, 2010 at 8:56 am rating: 0
#40
flying gargoyle
I work at MIT. These are *exactly* the kind of signs that would get posted around here!
Apr 1, 2010 at 10:52 am rating: 0
#41
Fanboy Wife
I like the creamer warning the best!
Apr 3, 2010 at 11:57 am rating: 0
#42 Coffee, mate? | PassiveAggressiveNotes.com — funny (if not necessarily "passive-aggressive") notes from pissed-off people
[...] you don’t want to share your super-special non-dairy creamer/handsoap with the rest of the [...]
Apr 7, 2010 at 1:16 pm rating: 0
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