Scottish blinking balls

April 1st, 2010 · 92 comments

I don’t know what this note is really about — Shane in Dallas just said he found it on the bulletin board in his apartment building — but I know I definitely won’t be stopping by #2913 to “talk” it over.

(It just, uh, doesn’t sound like my scene.)

To the Person who has two of our blinking garden balls, taken from #2913... Don't forget, we still have 5 more ...wouldn't want you to not to have a complete set! These came from Scotland. Why don't you stop by, and we'll "talk" it over....? :)

related: you can have the inflatable bananas

FILED UNDER: Dallas/Fort Worth · kinda creepy · neighbors · smiley · WTF?


92 responses so far ↓

  • #1   Grumpy McGrumperson

    “Scottish blinking balls” – that sounds like the main ingredient of some sort of regional, specialty dish that the natives won’t touch, but force on unsuspecting tourists…

    Apr 1, 2010 at 11:27 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

    • #1.1   Sirius¤ bang

      Goes great with Spotted Dick!

      Apr 1, 2010 at 12:01 pm   rating: 21  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.2   rave

      That sounds fucking delicious.

      Apr 1, 2010 at 1:04 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.3   Grumpy McGrumperson

      But really, to get the full experience, you’d have to eat it with condoments… *ducks*

      Apr 1, 2010 at 1:11 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #2   oi bang

    He has “talk” in quotation marks! How exactly he wants to talk it over and talking involves blinking balls too? talk about creepy porn plots.

    Apr 1, 2010 at 11:30 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

    • #2.1   claw71 bang

      FYI, my balls don’t blink. If you come over my place to “talk” they’ll end up slapping against your pubis.

      Apr 1, 2010 at 3:07 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.2   park rose bang

      “Kiss” should be inverted commas, too, when talking about the Glasgow kind. Plus, if you can comprehend a full-on Scottish accent (I don’t know what kind of accent the residents of 2913 have – no indication that they’re NOT Scottish), you’re a better wee lassie than I (it goes without saying, I know, but allow me my fantasies).

      Apr 1, 2010 at 3:26 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.3   oi bang

      aaargh! how is one suppose to response to Claw’s comment? bet RB would know. I guess roses’s response works too.

      Apr 1, 2010 at 3:57 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.4   TheOldSchool bang

      Oi, the friendliest way to respond to Claw is to simply say nothing. Just bend over and spread ‘em.

      Apr 1, 2010 at 4:42 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.5   oi bang

      Shut up TOS.

      Apr 1, 2010 at 5:07 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.6   park rose bang

      My response was to your comment, oi ♥

      Apr 1, 2010 at 5:21 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.7   oi bang

      it still doe not make sense though. :P
      no no I am kidding it does. it does.

      Apr 1, 2010 at 5:51 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.8   park rose bang

      Ah, oi, if yer joost havin’ a wee haver oan, dinnae mind me! Ah dinnae mean tae git crabbit with ye. Ah dinnae av’ a ken oan whit maist young scallywags and bairns are oan aboot maist o’ the time anyway!

      Stolen from the comments here.

      Apr 1, 2010 at 6:20 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.9   park rose

      Talking about creepy corn plots, I think Stephen King had that covered.

      Apr 1, 2010 at 6:47 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #3   QuarterRoy00 bang

    #2913 adds up to 15. That’s one of the numbers.

    The Scottish blinking balls clearly belong to Desmond.

    I blame the Smoke Monster.

    Apr 1, 2010 at 11:32 am   rating: 22  small thumbs up

    • #3.1   Woman on the Verge bang

      Yes, but as Jacob pointed out… It’s all about the Cork.

      Apr 1, 2010 at 12:01 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.2   QuarterRoy00 bang

      That’s what she said…

      Apr 1, 2010 at 12:57 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.3   laurie

      Are Desmond’s blinking balls to blame for Hurley’s bad luck?

      Apr 2, 2010 at 9:21 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.4   GhostWriter bang

      I know that Desmond’s ‘barrow (in the marketplace) precedes Molly’s good luck, but other than that, I’m Lost.

      Apr 2, 2010 at 10:56 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #4   tinkerbell2

    I have a feeling if they did stop by they’d definitely leave without their balls.

    Apr 1, 2010 at 11:33 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

     
  • #5   Tina-cious.com

    I really, really hate that my firewall at work blocks flickr, imageshack and all those free image hosting sites.

    I can never see your posts (lord knows I never read at home!) LOL

    Le sigh.

    Apr 1, 2010 at 11:37 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #5.1   anglophile bang

      Thanks for your witty comment, Tina! I’m ever so glad my firewall didn’t block it!

      Apr 1, 2010 at 1:18 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #5.2   Mo® bang

      OOoooh so glad the firewall didn’t block your gaped mouth breathing attempt to generate traffic to that craptastic website.

      Apr 1, 2010 at 1:27 pm   rating: 16  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #6   aaa bang

    Oooh, it’s the real-life version of the Internet Tough Guy! Yeah, threatening violence in a PA note doesn’t make you look like a badass, it makes you look like a fucking pussy and fucking stupid, to boot. Bonus points if they shit themselves when the thief turns out to be a violent-ass motherfucker and shows up at their door with a crowbar.

    Apr 1, 2010 at 11:49 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #6.1   TonsMel bang

      That was pretty angry and uncalled for.
      Geez!

      Apr 1, 2010 at 12:12 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.2   aaa bang

      Angry? I didn’t realize I was angry, but I’ll take your word for it.

      Also, I feel it is time to repeat the Number One Rule of PAN: Don’t take anything on here seriously. Ever. Seriously. (See what I did there? Ah, never mind, it’s douchey to explain the joke.)

      Apr 1, 2010 at 12:22 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.3   Mo® bang

      Yeah yeah, he turns up and he is a big ol Manson worshiping mutant and turns them into giant blinking ben wa balls and shoves them up note writers ass!

      First Rule of PAN is…

      Apr 1, 2010 at 1:32 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.4   aaa bang

      Don’t talk about PAN? Or maybe that was the second rule….

      Apr 1, 2010 at 1:35 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #7   shwonline bang

    The blinking garden gnome would like his blinking balls back, thank you very blinking much.

    Apr 1, 2010 at 12:09 pm   rating: 19  small thumbs up

     
  • #8   MarkI

    I assume you get your blinky balls from a site like this: http://www.flashingblinkylights.com/flashing-balls-c-114_56.html – bizarre what you can find when you look.

    Apr 1, 2010 at 12:15 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #8.1   Mo® bang

      Well that website gave me a seizure!

      Apr 1, 2010 at 1:33 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #9   Aksijuice

    Because adding in the quote marks not only make you look cool to your neighbors, but also makes sure you’ll get your stuff back.
    Way to go #2913, you’re a real badass.

    Apr 1, 2010 at 12:18 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #10   Dawn

    I’m still stuck on the fact that the ‘set’ only includes 7!!!!!! I thought sets were supposed to be even amounts??

    Somehow, I don’t think “talk” really means talk – LOL

    Apr 1, 2010 at 12:20 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #10.1   park rose bang

      Not a funny comment at all, but sets of things in Japan often contain five rather than four, as the word for four, shi, sounds very close to the word for death shi + various tense endings. Tea and glass sets, at least, often have five cups/glasses. I think that traditionally in China the same thing applies. 404 is a pretty unlucky apartment to be in. 42 (shi ni) is an unlucky age, because shi ni, also means to die. . .

      Just a bit of trivia there. What it has to do with blinking Scottish balls I really don’t know.

      Apr 2, 2010 at 6:25 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #10.2   anglophile bang

      My personal preference for most items of decor, such as flowers in an arrangement, or candlesticks or whatever, is an odd number like three or five rather than an even. Looks better.

      *nods off at the boringness of her comment*

      Apr 2, 2010 at 10:35 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #11   Jenelle

    If you can’t keep track of your balls, you don’t deserve a set.

    Apr 1, 2010 at 12:25 pm   rating: 17  small thumbs up

    • #11.1   Zewt

      Even if you do have seven!

      Apr 5, 2010 at 11:29 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #12   aaa bang

    Steal blinking balls? Cool!
    So they are angry? Who cares?
    Their decor sucks balls

    Apr 1, 2010 at 12:26 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #12.1   Fuschia Grown

      Doing NaPoWriMo, aaa?

      Apr 1, 2010 at 12:30 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.2   aaa bang

      I just write haiku.
      I like your icon. Slocombe!
      That show was right cool.

      Apr 1, 2010 at 12:34 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.3   aaa bang

      NaPoWriMo? Huh.
      I knew of NaNoWriMo.
      I learn something new.

      Apr 1, 2010 at 12:40 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.4   Fuschia Grown

      PAN comments ease work
      Want to be free like Humphries
      Thanks for the haiku

      Apr 1, 2010 at 12:44 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.5   aaa bang

      PAN comments distract
      Pfft. Fuck school work, anyway
      It’s all fun and games

      Apr 1, 2010 at 12:56 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.6   Mo® bang

      I adore you both
      I cannot haiku at all
      Captain Peacock, Prat!

      Apr 1, 2010 at 1:40 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.7   aaa bang

      I adore me too
      I am such a fucking douche!
      Yay for PBS

      Apr 1, 2010 at 1:46 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.8   Mo® bang

      A funny douche though
      It will ride up with wear sir
      The new doctor sucks!

      Apr 1, 2010 at 1:54 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.9   aaa bang

      I’m glad I bring LOLs
      Haven’t seen Matt Smith Doctor
      Tennant was awesome

      Apr 1, 2010 at 2:11 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.10   Mo® bang

      I concede the field
      Your word fu greater than I
      Tom Baker my doctor

      Apr 1, 2010 at 2:28 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.11   Mark bang

      I once wrote a pair
      Of Haikus, related, but
      Willing to fuse–please

      Don’t ask me how one
      Limerick now replaces
      The Haikus in twos

      *****

      I once wrote a pair of Haikus
      Related, but willing to fuse
      Please don’t ask me how
      One limerick now
      Replaces the Haikus in twos

      Apr 1, 2010 at 2:37 pm   rating: 13  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.12   aaa bang

      I like Tom Baker
      Both Doctors are pretty cool
      Suck at limericks

      Apr 1, 2010 at 2:43 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.13   aaa bang

      Your poetry-fu
      It’s pretty fucking badass
      This line means nothing

      Apr 1, 2010 at 2:45 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.14   Mo® bang

      Time for me to go
      This workday finally over
      This was fun, adieu

      Apr 1, 2010 at 2:51 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.15   claw71 bang

      Yo, stop haiku-ing
      It’s funny at first but soon
      grows all too boring

      Apr 1, 2010 at 3:13 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.16   Fuschia Grown

      Adore returned, Mo®
      Work’s like those angel statues
      Blink and NOM NOM NOM

      (Tennant’s my Doctor
      But Baker is also cool
      New guy? No verdict.)

      Apr 1, 2010 at 3:20 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.17   Fuschia Grown

      Sorry to bore, Claw
      Haiku can be exciting
      Should I flash some tit?

      Apr 1, 2010 at 3:23 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.18   aaa bang

      My girl boner aches
      Haiku-ing gets me horny
      Words are fucking hot

      Apr 1, 2010 at 3:38 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.19   claw71 bang

      engorged clitoris,
      if you please. boners
      are not hot like words

      Apr 1, 2010 at 3:58 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.20   TheOldSchool bang

      Claw, for the sake of uniform adherence to haiku syllable counts, I’m mentally replacing your “boners” with “these erections.”

      Apr 1, 2010 at 4:09 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.21   aaa bang

      Good erections are
      very hot. At least, they get
      me pretty hot. Yeah…

      Apr 1, 2010 at 4:19 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.22   TheOldSchool bang

      Claw, for the sake of maintaining adherence to your reference to aaa’s use of the word, “boners,” I’m now mentally replacing “these erections” with “girl boners.”

      Apr 1, 2010 at 4:21 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.23   TheOldSchool bang

      aaa, re: 12:21: I’m mentally replacing your “very hot” in line 2 with “arousing” to avoid word repetition.

      Apr 1, 2010 at 4:24 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.24   Woman on the Verge bang

      TOS, I’m mentally replacing you with Mo ®! because he is less annoying.

      Apr 1, 2010 at 7:41 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.25   TheOldSchool bang

      I’d rather be mo than less.

      Apr 1, 2010 at 10:24 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.26   park rose bang

      I’d rather be mo than curly.

      Apr 1, 2010 at 10:28 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.27   Canthz_B bang

      I’d rather be curly than haiku more than twice on a thread.

      Apr 1, 2010 at 10:58 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #13   Fuschia Grown

    To the People At #2913

    I’ll come over and “listen,” but trust me, I’ve already taken a complete set. My nips have never looked better.

    The Blinking Scot

    Apr 1, 2010 at 12:33 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

     
  • #14   farcical aquatic ceremony

    To the people
    who visited Scotland and thought
    a set of 7 blinking garden balls would be
    the classiest and most meaningful memento
    to bring back with you:
    you are an embarrassment to Texas, the U.S.,
    and, hell, let’s be honest, the human race.
    Thanks for the offer to chat, but I haven’t forgotten the other five! I’m removing
    the blinking blots on the landscape
    in installments to protect myself from their toxic tackiness.

    Apr 1, 2010 at 12:46 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

    • #14.1   HappyNat

      Is it possible to add more embarrassment to Texas? When you are already rock bottom the only way to go it up.

      Apr 1, 2010 at 1:44 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.2   Creme Brulee

      Aw, that seems a little harsh on Scotland, purveyors of said blinking balls.

      Apr 1, 2010 at 2:32 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #15   Mo® bang

    The blinking balls are for clearance markers whilst wearing my kilt. It alerts loungers, wee people and Dinsdale the hedgehog to stand clear.

    Apr 1, 2010 at 1:44 pm   rating: 11  small thumbs up

     
  • #16   Jonathan

    Seven of every clean thing and two of every unclean thing. See, even the Bible says wash yer damn balls.

    Apr 1, 2010 at 2:41 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #16.1   TheOldSchool bang

      Jonathan, to my knowledge, the bible has never fully addressed how one should go about cleaning a pair of “blinking balls” without shocking his neighbors.

      Apr 1, 2010 at 4:37 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #17   TheOldSchool bang

    If this couple had a set of seven blinking balls, why did the thief steal just two of them?

    Something tells me that the fellow in 2913 has a secret that he’s not revealing to his wife.

    I’d bet that Shane knows what the secret is.

    Apr 1, 2010 at 2:48 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #18   claw71 bang

    Look, people with bad taste are everywhere, even Scotland. Tacky garden ornaments aren’t magically more acceptable because they were purchased in Scotland. Odds are in favor of you finding a ‘made in China’ sticker on the bottom of those things anyway. You might find replacements at Tuesday Morning, if you rummage around in the clearance bin.

    Blinking garden balls! I bet you probably bought blended whisky when you were over there too. Probably Dewar’s or Johnnie Walker Red at that.

    Apr 1, 2010 at 3:04 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

     
  • #19   Escape Goat

    Blink ‘em up, Dude! Blink ‘em up!

    Apr 1, 2010 at 3:13 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #20   creamy

    Anyone else got that Paul Kelly song “little boy don’t lose your balls” going through their mind (probably just an australian thing).

    Apr 1, 2010 at 3:24 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #21   park rose bang

    Ah, this note kilts me! ;)

    Apr 1, 2010 at 3:33 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #21.1   aaa bang

      Oh. Puns make me cry
      I’ll class things up with haikus
      But you knew this, though

      Apr 1, 2010 at 3:47 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #21.2   park rose bang

      Oh, aaa. You know some of us. Monosyllabic knuckle draggers. I plaid to same.

      Apr 1, 2010 at 5:29 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #22   Hmm...

    Can’t they just grow a pair?

    Apr 1, 2010 at 4:20 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #22.1   TheOldSchool bang

      No they can’t. Not a pair with a blinking function, anyway.

      Apr 1, 2010 at 4:28 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #23   TheOldSchool bang

    How does one clean a pair a blinking balls without risking elocution?

    Apr 1, 2010 at 4:30 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #24   Mack The Knife

    Och Aye The Blink

    Apr 1, 2010 at 7:12 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #25   Denny DelVecchio

    The intimidation factor was on hellfire red until the wayward smiley emoticon at the end.

    Hopefully he’ll consider it a teaching moment.

    Yours in Love,
    Denny DelVecchio

    Apr 1, 2010 at 7:15 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #26   Canthz_B bang

    If Scottish balls didn’t go on the blink, two would comprise a full set, no?

    Apr 1, 2010 at 10:47 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #27   Canthz_B bang

    Ah, the legendary Scottish frugality.

    Normal decorating symmetry would demand an even number of blinking balls, but those crafty Scots have found a way to make due with 7 instead of 8.

    That, or a set is actually 8 blinking balls and “someone” got taken like tourist!

    Apr 1, 2010 at 11:04 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #28   Walker, "Tex" (a stranger)

    The Scots are too frugal to waste lights and batteries in garden balls.

    I say “blinking” is a euphamistic expletive. i.e. “To the person who has two of our g*d d*mn garden balls…”

    Apr 1, 2010 at 11:19 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #29   neilwarner bang

    Why stop only at 2 balls, when you can have 5 more?
    and why mine don’t blink?

    Apr 2, 2010 at 6:52 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #30   GhostWriter bang

    HAHaha- I love that the note looks like it was filmed in SuperVision ™.

    Apr 2, 2010 at 10:47 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #31   Long before dawn

    You’re all so busy thinking about balls, you’ve overlooked the obvious…IT’S A TRAP! And I think you all just walked into it.

    Apr 6, 2010 at 9:54 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #32   Ninny

    I’m gonna dip my balls in it!

    Apr 7, 2010 at 5:43 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #33   Duncan

    Twenty-four year Scot;
    I’ve never heard of such balls.
    Why buy (or steal) them?

    Apr 8, 2010 at 8:34 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     

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