So, you don’t want to share your super-special non-dairy creamer/handsoap with the rest of the office?
You could go for the semi-direct approach…
But as Ocie in Petaluma, California witnessed, that might not be enough of a deterrent.
In that case, you could try to dial up the crazy a little more, like Nicole in Florida…
Or you just might have to get a little bit creative.
“Truth be told,” says Mick in McLean, Virginia, “I never did check to see what was in the container.” (Which I guess was kinda the point, right?)
related: I, who should seriously lay off the caffeine
72 responses so far ↓
#1
Woman on the Verge
I’m getting disgusted with these note-writers. Don’t they know that in addition to multiple exclamation marks, a true passive aggressive notes requires a minimum of two loosely related poorly rendered clipart images?
Apr 7, 2010 at 1:29 pm rating: 26
#2
infant tyrone
At home, maybe creamer, probably cream, definitely cappuccino…
But in a work environment, once you go black…
Apr 7, 2010 at 1:32 pm rating: 5
#3
Kit Kendrick
Much to my shame, I protected my milk in the office fridge by drawing a “frownie” face on the cap with a sharpie. I felt ridiculous, but it worked.
Apr 7, 2010 at 1:33 pm rating: 30
#4
QuarterRoy00
I was looking for a nice clean urine sample after last night’s crack binge!
Thanks Office Fridge Fairy!
Apr 7, 2010 at 1:37 pm rating: 47
#5
Wade
“Not community property”
I didn’t know hazelnut coffeemate went well with tea.
Apr 7, 2010 at 1:42 pm rating: 2
#6
MrsRochester
on parole for being a pathological liar
Apr 7, 2010 at 1:51 pm rating: 3
#7
Gunderson
I like my coffee like my women. Tied up inside a burlap sack and thrown across the back of a burro.
Apr 7, 2010 at 1:56 pm rating: 26
#8
Ellen
After someone kept using my (at the time new & pricey) French Vanilla Princess creamer, I put a sign on it to read, “Coffee’s Little Bitch”. Small, discreet, & jolted the offender to stop.
Apr 7, 2010 at 1:58 pm rating: 9
#9
The Leen
One person where I work marks all her food items either with “I spit in it” or “I licked it.” After seeing this on many items and getting grossed out more than once, I wrote on one of the sticky notes “Then it’s a good thing I like other people’s saliva.” I haven’t seen those notes recently, come to think of it. Perhaps she realized that people who are going to use her stuff will use it regardless of whether or not she introduces bodily fluids into the conversation? Hey, at least I won’t get grossed out by images of her spitting into things anymore.
Personally, I just put my food items in a plastic grocery bag and tie it up. No one can really see what’s inside and the knot deters them (because when you are going to steal someone else’s food, time is of the essence).
Apr 7, 2010 at 2:00 pm rating: 16
#10
SillyGirl
I get mad when people use my stuff w/o permission, but what bothers me more is when they steal my food & then complain about the quality. Well gee, maybe if you paid for your own…
Apr 7, 2010 at 2:15 pm rating: 4
#11
chefgrrl
Labeling the hazelnut creamer “Not Community Property” is not only PA, but also a little chickenshit. At least if he had signed it, he would have been owning up to being the PA Creamer Boy.
Apr 7, 2010 at 2:24 pm rating: 1
#12
brandine
Oh, come on. Who doesn’t wish to retain custody of their non-dairy creamer after a particularly nasty divorce?
Apr 7, 2010 at 2:42 pm rating: 14
#13
Mitzibell
When the contents of this container disappear anyway, just look for the person with the yellow bandana in their right-hand-rear pants pocket ….
Apr 7, 2010 at 3:12 pm rating: 4
#14
wonkette
maybe someone ought to invent a combination lock top for coffeemate?
Apr 7, 2010 at 3:22 pm rating: 4
#15
Fuschia Grown
That urine sample was fucking delicious. Take that, parole officer.
Apr 7, 2010 at 3:25 pm rating: 3
#16
Critical Grass
Don’t steal your co-worker’s coffeemate. It’s not nice! Ask first, if they say no THEN it’s okay to steal it.
Apr 7, 2010 at 3:42 pm rating: 23
#17
wampum sheep
The Petaluma (second) note is useless. The coffee-mate swiper rationalizes that they are not taking much to make a difference. What’s one cup a day?
Apr 7, 2010 at 4:16 pm rating: 1
#18
Melissa B
i have the urge to add in more exclamation points to that second note.
Apr 7, 2010 at 4:37 pm rating: 3
#19
SM
Actually, depending what state they’re in and if the person who bought it is married, it might acutally be community property…
Apr 7, 2010 at 4:40 pm rating: 6
#20
Canthz_B
Who the hell names their kid Coffee-Mate?
Apr 7, 2010 at 7:42 pm rating: 3
#21
ThaMissus
At my house anything tasty is consumed by some stealthy fridge-raider. The solution here seems to be:
1. Decide you like something that no one else does.
2. Put something really spicy in the last serving to discourage food theft.
3. Come up with a way to keep the food ninja occupied long enough with opening whatever it is so that they get caught red-handed.
It’s hit-and-miss really. I’m not fond of coffee-mate, I like regular half-and-half, even though that guy in my office likes to complain about being lactose intolerant every time he sees me using it. Makes me think he’s the coffee-mate thief in our office.
Apr 7, 2010 at 7:48 pm rating: 4
#22
Thanks!
These types of notes bring flashbacks from working in an office with a crazy woman who would post notes in addition to her crazy outbursts. I only wish I had taken pictures because they were awesome and you guys would have loved them.
So, now I stereotype these notewriters as insane and I’m glad I’m laidoff now.
Apr 7, 2010 at 8:32 pm rating: 1
#23
pilgrimchick
Clearly, the last one would be the most effective. However, there are other, worse consequences that could befall that coffee creamer under these circumstances that the author didn’t consider.
Apr 7, 2010 at 9:11 pm rating: 1
#24
Neeners
Coffeemate is ‘the’ gold standard of creamers you know, especially for those who enjoy processed food over a more natural cream that actually came out of a say…… a cow!
I here that the stealing of the Coffeemate is punishable by cutting off hands and tongue, I think in Saudi Arabia or Affffffganistan or something….
Apr 7, 2010 at 9:46 pm rating: 1
#25
TheOldSchool
The latin name for hazelnuts is “little witnesses.”
Napoleon was the first military leader to make use of the hazelnut during warfare. Not only did he use the nuts as artillery, he would then (apres le battle) have his troops gather up all of the spent nuts into their fanny packs.
Late at night, Napoloeon and his giggling men would perform skits while mincing about in women’s undergarments. (Their late night, post-battle behavior has been attributed to the fact that they were often, but not always, high on hazelnut-flavored cognac, opium-laced foie gras, and croque monsieurs or croque madames made with rancid meats.)
Apr 7, 2010 at 11:58 pm rating: 4
#26
Notes From Mother
Sounds like something your mother would write.
Apr 8, 2010 at 2:19 am rating: 1
#27
a-Arialist
What is Coffe-Mate anyway? It sounds revolting – more like something that you would actually want stolen? What’s wrong with a splash of milk, like normal people?
Apr 8, 2010 at 2:50 am rating: 3
#28
Escape Goat
I used to protect my brownies with a “Caution: Fecal Sample” sign. Somebody always at least one.
Apr 8, 2010 at 9:11 pm rating: 0
#29
nice girl79
I have never had this problem and i have never had to leave a note on any of my property. This is because i have a personal policy. I buy food to share, oh i know it is a crazy concept but i never bring something to work unless i plan to share. There is no reason to get upset over stupid coffee creamer. People who get upset over these things are uptight and need to get a life.
Apr 9, 2010 at 9:20 am rating: 1
#30
drollgirl
BAHAHAHAHAHAH!!! i worked with a chick that busted a co-worker red-handed that was eating her lunch. she almost beat the shit out of him.
Apr 9, 2010 at 6:06 pm rating: 2
#31
Chii
dude. if they got a mini fridge of their own @ the office…that might help. no? or just find less sleezy peeps @ work.
Apr 10, 2010 at 1:16 am rating: 0
#32
drobbins
Daves 4 life!
Apr 13, 2010 at 9:34 pm rating: 1
#33 Those heirloom tomatoes had sentimental value! | PassiveAggressiveNotes.com
[...] That’s breastmilk! [...]
Oct 7, 2010 at 2:20 pm rating: 0
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