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Because a true friend would never turn down an opportunity to play stupid games and buy you expensive crap

April 11th, 2010 · 122 comments

…especially when the invitation is extended via your Facebook wall to everyone you know.

So you find out who your true friends are when you have a baby shower...I guess I will look at this as a blessing in disguise, because now I know that true friends aren't flakes, and flakes are not your friends!

so I had my baby shower last weekend and I have to say Im fairly disapointed [sic] in all the people that not only didnt show up but didnt even call so thanks everyone!!!!!!

thanks to all my punk ass friends for not coming to my kids b-day party... if you didn't want to go why in the hell did you say you would in the first place?? assholes

Or (oopsies!) almost everyone you know.

I would like to thank our friends for coming to M-'s very special first birthday party...OH WAIT....none of you showed up! :( I would like to thank Angel (I can always count on you) and Cathy and our course our families for making it great! Luv u!

related: Your Facebook friends…just not that into you.

extra credit: STFU, Parents

FILED UNDER: cry me a freaking river · frenemies · it's my party · kids · martyr complex · Moms & Dads · Oops? · preggers

122 responses so far ↓

  • #1   Canthz_B bang

    Flakes are always depicted as your friends in breakfast cereal commercials.

    Finally, this lie has been exposed as merely a cheap marketing ploy to win the hearts, minds and appetites of our children.

    Apr 11, 2010 at 8:24 pm   rating: 40  small thumbs up

    • #1.1   Jonathan

      I dunno about you, but breakfast cereals do NOT make me hungry for children in the least! A premium barbecue sauce, however, makes them fucking delicious.

      Apr 11, 2010 at 9:04 pm   rating: 15  small thumbs up

    • #1.2   infant tyrone bang

      CB, yer onto something.
      This would make Joe Camel and Tony the Tiger sort of gateway icons.
      But they’re later-stage players compared to this guy,
      the kingpin, El Maquerito, the original Mack-Baby…

      Apr 11, 2010 at 9:57 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #1.3   farcical aquatic ceremony

      Ma pauvre Cherie! Zeez friends, zey are to be swept out of your life like zee dandruff!

      Apr 12, 2010 at 9:11 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #1.4   maceelaine bang

      Not your friends:
      Tony the Tiger
      Toucan Sam
      Sugar Bear
      Cap’n Crunch
      Snap, Crackle, Pop
      Count Chocula
      Peyton Manning

      Apr 12, 2010 at 2:23 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

  • #2   Escape Goat

    “friends aren’t flakes, and flakes are not your friends!”
    So, friends are friends,
    and flakes are flakes …
    now go choke on a trouser snake. (Sing it, it’s fun.)

    Apr 11, 2010 at 8:40 pm   rating: 11  small thumbs up

    • #2.1   Mo®

      Let’s do it as a round, you start!

      Apr 12, 2010 at 1:49 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #2.2   maceelaine bang

      “You don’t win friends with salad! You don’t win friends with salad!”

      Apr 12, 2010 at 2:24 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

  • #3   park rose

    Carol, Heathcliff has the rest of them imprisoned in his home somewhere. How Cathy got away, is anyone’s guess. Interpol is currently holding Kate Bush for questioning.

    Cheriè , fair-weather friends are not flakes either, and probably not your friends, except in fair weather, but they wouldn’t be flakes in that case.

    Flakes would not survive wandering the moors, or perhaps they would. Maybe it is better that your children not be exposed to the likes of Myra Hindley, Ian Brady, Steven Patrick Morrissey. Count yourself lucky.

    I kinda agree with entry number 2′s chagrin with her phony RSVPing punk-ass friends.

    Apr 11, 2010 at 9:26 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #3.1   gladystopia

      park rose, i normally do not slobber effusively over internet posts, but the Kate Bush reference really, really made me want to SQUEEEEE!

      yes, i am EXACTLY that much of a dork.
      thank you.

      Apr 12, 2010 at 11:15 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #3.2   park rose

      Thanks, glad. I wanted to work Peter Gabriel into the mix, but the edict function seems to be a bit wonky.

      Apr 12, 2010 at 11:51 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #3.3   park rose

      See what I mean? Edit, edit!

      Apr 12, 2010 at 11:52 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #4   not gen anything

    I’ve gone to and suffered through baby showers for friends and co-workers before, but there’s no way EVER that I would go to the birthday party of a friend’s child. You’ve got to be kidding me.

    Apr 11, 2010 at 9:31 pm   rating: 47  small thumbs up

    • #4.1   TheOldSchool

      Idiots. Babies should be bathed, not showered.

      Apr 11, 2010 at 10:48 pm   rating: 39  small thumbs up

    • #4.2   Canthz_B bang

      I’d go to a child’s birthday party in a heartbeat.
      I’d do just about anything for a pony ride and free ice cream and cake, and nothing reduces stress like beating the daylights out of an Eric Cantor piñata!

      Apr 12, 2010 at 6:39 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #4.3   molly ringwald

      well based on his previous comments, i’m pretty sure that claw would have attended Carol’s party… however, i’m sure law requires him to stay at least 300 feet away….

      Apr 12, 2010 at 12:59 pm   rating: 11  small thumbs up

    • #4.4   Mo®

      I think hosing them off in the yard works pretty well too.

      Apr 12, 2010 at 1:50 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #4.5   infant tyrone bang

      Kiddie pools aren’t just for betting.

      Apr 12, 2010 at 2:21 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #4.6   Mo®

      A couple of hot babies in a pool filled with pureed fava beans… Oh wait let me get my Bishops hat.

      Apr 12, 2010 at 4:14 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #5   Denny DelVecchio

    I think Carol simply went wrong with her choice of emoticon.

    I would have gone with :< instead of : ( but I simply favor the look of a bushy, 1890s style 'stache over a winsome frown.

    Apr 11, 2010 at 9:46 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

  • #6   Sean Jungian

    Don’t know how this stupid attention-whore trend started of inviting your adult friends to your child’s birthday. WTF? Have a party for adults if you want to see your friends. Family only for a kid’s 1st, 2nd, 3rd whatever birthday – grandparents are probably the only ones who might marginally give a damn anyway. When their older, then invite the kid’s friends.

    I couldn’t care less about my friends’ kids’ birthdays, and I’d think they were weird if they tried to wrangle an invite to my own kids’ birthday parties. I would have been freaked out if a bunch of random adults attended any of my birthday parties.

    Why do “today’s” parents (and I’m a parent too, so I’m a parent of today) think everyone has to give a sh*t about their kids? When did this start? Has it always been like this? Idiocy.

    Apr 11, 2010 at 9:53 pm   rating: 83  small thumbs up

    • #6.1   infant tyrone bang

      First widespread indication I remember is the “Baby on Board” signs from the early 80′s. Then came the “My Child is an Honor Student at XYZ School” (or Citizen of the Week, etc.) bumper stickers.

      Anyone have any earlier omens of the apocalypse ?

      Carlin had a number of brilliant routines on the subject.

      On child worship in general:

      On bumper stickers specifically:

      Apr 11, 2010 at 10:16 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

    • #6.2   Sean Jungian

      Its enough for me that _I_ think my offspring are super special snowflakes. Maybe these parents are so insecure that they need to have their loin-droppings validated by all and sundry to feel “okay” about it.

      Apr 11, 2010 at 11:17 pm   rating: 14  small thumbs up

    • #6.3   Canthz_B bang

      It’s because baby showers are addictive. Once you receive half of your child’s first clothes, a car seat and a shit-load of Pampers for free, you expect everyone to show up for birthdays to further contribute to the care and feeding of your baby.

      The Facebook smack-down is the first withdrawal symptom.

      Apr 12, 2010 at 6:52 am   rating: 25  small thumbs up

    • #6.4   keith

      Baby on Board?

      I liked seeing “Bastard on Board” as the driver went through a puddle to splash the passers by.

      OK, so it was a comedy sketch, but still funny.

      Apr 12, 2010 at 7:26 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #6.5   park rose

      It would be even funnier if an illegitimate baby was behind the wheel.

      Apr 12, 2010 at 4:28 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #6.6   infant tyrone bang

      Can we arm the little fella with a bastard sword ?
      It is colloquially referred to as the hand-and-a-half sword.

      With the horse measurement of a “hand” being four inches,
      the sword would be in the range of six inches or so.

      Baby can do that !
      We need more swashbucklers !

      Apr 12, 2010 at 6:46 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #6.7   gladystopia

      We certainly DO need more swashbucklers….that’s how all this baby showering got started, all these men going around with their swashes unbuckled.

      (And don’t let’s even get me STARTED about the perils of the cummerbund shortage, as well!)

      Apr 12, 2010 at 11:17 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #6.8   TippingCows

      Birthday parties for kids that are 1 and 2 (and maybe 3) are all for the parents anyways. If a kid can’t remember it later in life, why bother? I don’t see the point. Just be honest and tell others that it’s your kid’s birthday and you want presents for it but you also want an excuse to get together with your friends.
      Am I the only one that wouldn’t want a gaggle of one/two/three year-olds in my home?

      Apr 13, 2010 at 5:55 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

  • #7   TheOldSchool

    I would have attended your baby shower, but you held right at the same time the guys and I like to sit around drinking hard liquor, smoking dope, and watching Oprah.

    By the time Judge Judy comes on (LOL), we’re usually making catty comments about Oprah’s outfit selection for that day, and engaged in some playful rough-housing (pillow-fights, nude twister, etc.). If I weren’t so great at multi-tasking, I’d tivo Judy.

    Baby shower? Wow! Fun! Congrats! If you ever need a sitter, jus holla!

    Apr 11, 2010 at 10:01 pm   rating: 24  small thumbs up

  • #8   Silence


    Infants don’t give 2 liquidy, ultra-stanky babyshits if anyone shows up to their partay. Only control-freak mommies who are beginning to realize that breeding kills a social life turn into a crankypants when nobody shows up. Yes, bitch, having a baby pretty much ends your years of Sex and the City-style shenanigans with your wacky group of gal pals!

    I mean, wow, a party for an infant. That sounds like a crazy-good time, indeed. Almost as much fun as having my eyeballs removed with carrot peeler.

    Apr 11, 2010 at 10:19 pm   rating: 43  small thumbs up

  • #9   Pterosaur

    Remind me again why your functional uterus deserves gift?

    Apr 11, 2010 at 10:31 pm   rating: 47  small thumbs up

    • #9.1   farcical aquatic ceremony

      because it’s been feeling so-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o blue ever since that darned female BRAIN started getting all the attention…

      Apr 12, 2010 at 12:35 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #9.2   Mo®

      You thinkin’ what I’m thinkin’ Pinky?

      Apr 12, 2010 at 1:52 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #9.3   Mark bang


      Apr 12, 2010 at 2:23 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #9.4   oi bang

      Well, I think so, Brain, but pantyhose are so uncomfortable during pregnancy.

      Apr 12, 2010 at 2:26 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

  • #10   uhhhmm

    Is there a PAN on lamebook today?

    Apr 11, 2010 at 10:33 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #10.1   sleeps

      Is there anything but PAN on facebook? Oh, I’m sorry, they’re not called PAN, they’re called ‘status updates’.

      Apr 12, 2010 at 1:20 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

  • #11   I'm invited because...?

    A family friend has invited me – I, who live on the opposite coast of the US – to each of her children’s first birthday parties.

    Bid for a gift, anyone?

    I did not RSVP or send a gift either time.

    Apr 11, 2010 at 10:36 pm   rating: 26  small thumbs up

  • #12   Walker, "Tex" (a stranger)

    “Hi, please come to my house and bring gifts.”

    So none of your friends showed up and you went spoiled diva on them. Sale on clues today, buy a spare for next time.

    On the other hand, “Hi, please come to my house and bring gifts or I’ll publicly embarrass myself on facebook.” Come one now, who could resist?

    Apr 11, 2010 at 10:40 pm   rating: 30  small thumbs up

  • #13   NoAdditives

    The only time it’s really appropriate to invite adults/family friends to a child’s birthday party is if they’re really good friends who actually care about your family or if they have children the same age.

    As far as baby showers go, I share the sentiments of Cherie. While she may or may not have invited all fb friends via a mass event invite, it sucks when no one cares enough to show up. I recently tried to have a baby shower that didn’t even get planned by my aunts (long story) and only one of the 8 real friends I invited showed. And I made it explicitly clear that there were to be no lame games or typical baby shower silliness.

    So, it really does suck when friends don’t show up for important events in a person’s life. It’s even worse when it’s family who can’t be bothered. (And no, I’m not a complete pain in the ass who deserves to be ignored by friends and family and I’m not the type to celebrate the “miracle” of pregnancy and all that other crap.)

    Apr 11, 2010 at 10:54 pm   rating: 12  small thumbs up

    • #13.1   Sean Jungian

      Only the classiest of mothers-to-be throw their own baby showers. Congrats on getting into that exclusive club.

      A wedding or baby shower isn’t a right. Its a small celebration put together by one’s friends or relatives to help out with the costs of the impending event IF THEY FEEL LIKE IT.

      You say you’re not a complete pain in the ass and I guess I’ll skeptically take your word for it. Dunno why you feel entitled to have people throw a party for you for any reason. Its nice if it happens. Its not a requirement for anyone to do it for you, and it is an incredibly tacky money-grab to take the reins and do it for yourself.

      Apr 11, 2010 at 11:22 pm   rating: 45  small thumbs up

    • #13.2   jadefirefly

      I’m gonna sit on the fence on that one.

      If the expectant mother is expecting gifts, then it’s tacky to throw one’s own shower.

      But I think a shower is different than just a party saying “YAY! There’s gonna be a baby!”, and having one of those on your own, sans the baby-shower stupidity, isn’t so awful.

      The difference is whether one is expecting gifts and/or money, in short.

      Apr 12, 2010 at 2:37 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

    • #13.3   Russian

      I think, if you actually get a PROPER invitation, in the form of a phone call, or in person (on your own, not on the edge of a group) or something written down on real paper, then yes you should go to the shower or have a reason why you can’t. But if the mother didn’t care enough about you to make it clear that she wants YOU there, why do you have to arrange your life around her?

      Apr 12, 2010 at 2:12 pm   rating: 15  small thumbs up

    • #13.4   Kate the Great

      Yeah, it’s really bad form to throw your own shower. Sorry.

      Apr 12, 2010 at 7:35 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #13.5   anglophile bang

      I agree, Kate. There are few tackier things in this world than throwing your own shower.

      Apr 12, 2010 at 7:49 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #13.6   ISpy

      Oh but there is…The most recent new mom in my world sent email to one of her colleagues telling her that she’d like her to throw the shower, the best day for her, and where she wanted it to be, complete with a short list of restaurants(?!) and “in a pinch,” the home of a person who lived close by. Un-freakin’-believable.

      Apr 12, 2010 at 8:26 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #13.7   Goldie

      Holy cow. And to think this person breeds.

      That said, does your colleague still has that email? Can she submit it here? If that’s not PAN gold, I don’t know what is.

      Apr 12, 2010 at 9:09 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #13.8   NoAdditives

      Yeah, I know it’s lame for a person to throw their own baby shower. The thing was, my aunts had been saying for months and months that they’d plan one for me. They never got together to even begin planning. Finally I told them what date would be best for me, not knowing at that time that absolutely no planning had begun. I then invited a couple friends on my own, yes, through fb as I didn’t have their phone numbers or addresses. The night before the shower was supposed to happen both aunts confessed they had planned nothing, hence me having to scramble to do it myself.

      And for the record, this was not to be a traditional baby shower with all the games and silliness. This is my second child and even though we’re having a boy this time I was not asking for gifts, I just wanted a little celebratory party with close family and good friends.

      Apr 13, 2010 at 10:32 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #13.9   Michelle

      Frankly, I don’t “get” the baby shower thing…
      You did something that most of us do (screw), got knocked up (planned, or your dumb-ass didn’t use protection), and now you want financial assistance (cash, toys, diapers, etc.), from your family and friends?
      By that logic we should all have parties and receive gifts when we buy a puppy, or get laid-off, or crap, really anytime something new happens in our unremarkable lives that we can weasel gifts for.
      And no, no one outside of your family (or masochistic friends) wants to come to your infant’s birthday party. Please stop asking.

      Apr 20, 2010 at 2:59 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

  • #14   BeQui

    My husband has 2 friends he’s known since they were 3. They both had kids within 6 months of us, and they were the only adults besides immediate family who were invited to our daughter’s party. Even then, it was only because they also had kids.

    No way would we invite a group of people from facebook. I am SO BUGGED by all the invites I’m getting from people, especially the ones who I only know from work, or from people I haven’t seen in YEARS.

    Apr 11, 2010 at 11:04 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

  • #15   veritybrown

    The only one of these notewriters I possibly have any sympathy for is Alli. If her friends said they’d come, they should have come. Of course, if she held a knife to their throat (figuratively speaking) when she asked them, my sympathy disappears. But as a general rule, if you say you’re going to come to an event, it’s rude not to show up. If someone plans a party for a lot of people who have RSVP’d that they’d come, the wasted food, etc. would be enough to get upset about, without taking into account any emotions over the rudeness of your supposed friends.

    Apr 11, 2010 at 11:13 pm   rating: 31  small thumbs up

    • #15.1   Sean Jungian

      This I can half-agree with, though I still think its in really poor taste to invite non-family adults to a child’s birthday party.

      Apr 11, 2010 at 11:24 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

    • #15.2   Natalie

      I totally agree with this. Maybe it’s weird to invite adults to a child’s party. But, there is nothing that drives me crazy more than people who say they are interested in doing something, and then not bothering to show up.

      Apr 12, 2010 at 12:10 am   rating: 14  small thumbs up

    • #15.3   Sika

      Wait…Sean…poor taste?

      “Hey…you’re important in my life and I want you to be part of a big moment in my family. Also there will be cake and punch. Wanna come!?”

      How could that possibly be poor taste? I mean is the birth of a child any less important that a marriage or graduation? The statement above could have applied to both of those events as well. There are plenty of “Hey, watch me cross a milestone” moments that we invite people to. “Don’t be involved. Actually it doesn’t effect you at all. Just come watch me do it.” No one seems to think they are weird until they start including our children. But what’s wrong with that?

      Apr 12, 2010 at 1:23 am   rating: 16  small thumbs up

    • #15.4   jadefirefly

      “But what’s wrong with that?”

      Honestly? Go sit in a Chuck E. Cheese for an hour — WITHOUT children of your own — and tell me just how exciting that is for ya.

      Adults without children, that are NOT family, being invited to your toddler’s birthday party is just tacky. The adult won’t enjoy it, unless they’re one of those rare breeds who genuinely enjoys sitting around ooh-ing over someone else’s child; and the child won’t care either.

      The parents are the only ones who care. So inviting a whole mass of adults who they probably know won’t enjoy a baby’s birthday party is nothing more than a bid for attention and/or presents.

      Apr 12, 2010 at 2:39 am   rating: 20  small thumbs up

    • #15.5   Kore

      I find that the level of enjoyment of Chuck E. Cheese is directly proportional to the amount of beer I consume. Drunk ski-ball, hell yeah! It’s cheaper than Dave & Busters.

      But back to the original point in this thread – don’t RSVP to an event you don’t want to attend. That’s way ruder than an invitation to a gift-grab.

      Apr 12, 2010 at 3:53 am   rating: 11  small thumbs up

    • #15.6   Sean Jungian

      “How could that possibly be poor taste? I mean is the birth of a child any less important that a marriage or graduation?”

      The birth of the child is not less important than marriage; friends and family can and do come by within the first few months or year to see the baby if they want to see it. His/her 1st birthday is definitely less important; 2nd & 3rd birthdays decrease in importance from there.

      If I’m important enough to you to invite to your “milestone” party then I’m important enough to receive a personal invitation, not a mass e-vite.

      What other milestones do you deem appropriate for me, as neither a family member nor a particularly super-close family friend, to come sit around and witness, with a gift? Your bar/bat mitzvah, sure; confirmation with your church, maybe; graduation from high school or college; your wedding; possibly a baby shower when you succeed in spawning.

      Hey, if you’re just having a party, and kids are invited, and you’re also going to incidentally bring out a cake and make mention of your kid’s birthday, or your niece’s engagement, or Uncle Oscar’s bypass surgery, that’s great, and if its convenient for me I’ll attend. But its expecting too much for ALL the “important people in [your] life” to give as much of a sh*t about any of it as you and presumably your immediate family do. It’s a blatant grab for cash/gifts and that is ALWAYS in poor taste.

      Apr 12, 2010 at 8:08 am   rating: 17  small thumbs up

    • #15.7   oi bang

      birthday parties are tacky in general. It’s not like that you have to do something out of ordinary to be one year older. yeah if you stop going to school you won’t graduate and that’s once in a life time celebration not every freaking year event, but birthdays who cares?! I don’t. not for mine either. even if I were sitting in jail for killing a one of those crazy moms, still, my birthday would come every year same day. If I don’t get a holiday out of your birthday, I don’t care.

      Apr 12, 2010 at 9:17 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

    • #15.8   veritybrown

      How do you know it was a mass e-vite? Also, not everyone on facebook has a bazillion “friends” who are really no more than acquaintances at best. Some of us limit our friend list to actual friends. But the point isn’t really how she invited them or whether she should have (as so many people are harping on), but whether her “friends” were in the wrong for saying they’d come and then not showing up. If you think it’s okay to just not show up to a party, even when you RSVP’d that were coming, I’ll remember never to invite you to any of mine. Oh, wait, I wouldn’t have anyway, because I don’t even know you.

      Apr 12, 2010 at 10:33 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #15.9   Mike

      My favorite celebration for my own birthday is a nice dinner with a 2-3 other people, and I pick up the check.

      Apr 12, 2010 at 1:33 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #15.10   H for Toy bang

      Sounds great, Mike. I’ll see you there ;)

      Apr 12, 2010 at 4:20 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #15.11   Sean Jungian

      If I received a mass Facebook evite for that, I’d find time to attend. Wait, you get the tip, too, right?

      Apr 12, 2010 at 5:27 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #15.12   ohreally

      I agree. Regardless of what the invitation is for – if someone takes the time to respond to an invitation that they will be attending the party, they should show up. Most parties, whether at home or at a restaurant/hall, end up involving costs that are based on the number of people attending, like food. If you tell someone you’re coming, they are going to incur those charges for your attendance. And they’re likely looking forward to seeing you there. Saying you’ll be there and then not showing up is rude and tacky. Sometimes something comes up at the last minute, and that’s understandable, but if you can’t be bothered to call the host either before or shortly after the party (as soon as is possible given your specific situation), then it’s rude.

      Apr 13, 2010 at 9:25 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #15.13   Sika

      There are many cultures where the 1st birthday IS a milestone. There are commonly traditions and ceremonies for the family. Why? Because very few generations in the history of our species saw most of their children reach a year old. It’s a big deal.

      I’ve never been to a 1st year b-day at chucky-cheese, or any other kiddie land. Most of the time the party is for the adults because, as it’s been said, the child won’t remember. The parents usually supply food and drinks and presents are not required.

      I also wouldn’t mind getting an invite on Facebook because, like it’s been said, I don’t have any friends on Facebook that aren’t close enough where I wouldn’t like to be part of the childs birthday.

      Apr 17, 2010 at 12:19 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #16   MAMARILLA2 bang

    Really people…If you want adult friends at your childs birthday party, just do like we Mexicans do….the first half of the party ( must be at least an hour or 2) is for the children , then break out the 16 cases of beer and the dancing music.

    Apr 12, 2010 at 2:37 am   rating: 27  small thumbs up

    • #16.1   Kore

      That sounds fun.

      In Hawaii it’s tradtional to hold a baby luau. You invite everyone you know to celebrate the child’s first birthday. The Hawaiians held huge celebrations because surviving the first year of life used to be a huge deal. There’s usually music and booze and no party games.

      Apr 12, 2010 at 3:49 am   rating: 12  small thumbs up

    • #16.2   Canthz_B bang

      ‘Rilla, Mexicans and Blacks really ought to get along much better…we’re so much alike, in so many ways!

      Pump up the volume right after the cake is served!!

      Apr 12, 2010 at 7:00 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #16.3   KarenW

      Yes!! Mexican parties kick ass! I went to a first birthday party for a baby whose parents I never even met; it was the baby brother of one of my daughter’s friends. I originally went just to be nice, but I was floored by the amazing spread of food and liquor (for a 1 year old birthday party, for crying out loud!)

      Apr 12, 2010 at 11:00 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #16.4   Mo®

      O mi amor Yo estaré allí con los pantalones y bailando en una botella de buen licor! :razz: :lol: :twisted:

      Don’t forget Quinceañeras, there is usually a pretty darned good party for those too.

      Apr 12, 2010 at 4:21 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #16.5   gladystopia

      I knew there was a good reason I stopped being one of those damn white folks.

      Apr 12, 2010 at 11:21 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #16.6   MAMARILLA2 bang

      Mi amore…For the Quinceanera there is even a regulation DJ and a full band…and an full open bar with a bartender.

      Apr 12, 2010 at 11:34 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #16.7   anglophile bang

      I know, right, glad? Ah well, at least we have hundreds of years of ruthless exploitation and conquering to look back on. Those were some parties, amirite?

      Apr 13, 2010 at 6:30 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

  • #17   luna

    Holy fuck!
    We’re expected to come to our friend’s kid’s birthdays now???
    Sorry, the line has to be drawn – I went to your baby showers (they were indescribably boring), what more do you want from me?

    Apr 12, 2010 at 4:04 am   rating: 15  small thumbs up

  • #18   Boss

    Honestly I’ve been to 1 year old and 2 year old parties and they’re awesome. It’s not that they’re trying to include adults to torture you, I think it’s evolved into a combo of a party for the kids and a party for the adults somehow in the same place. The ones I’ve been to had bouncy houses for the kids or pools or something to keep them all entertained and awesome catered food and drinks for all the adults to mingle.

    I don’t have kids so having “daycare” at a party wasn’t a plus for me, BUT finally getting to talk to the parents without them simultaneously dealing with their kids was great. Everyone’s always had a good time so I’m not really sure what’s going on with other people’s experience. Maybe some parents make it all about the kid, but the parties I’ve been to have had sensible adults that know the party is just as much for them and cater to the adults too lol Seriously, the food and drinks have always been amazing.

    Apr 12, 2010 at 7:00 am   rating: 12  small thumbs up

    • #18.1   Oodles

      OMFG, someone CATERS a party for a ONE YEAR OLD?! WHF is wrong with people? It’s an infant. It can’t talk. It can’t walk. It shits in its own pants. It can barely hold its own head up. Props on surviving, but why not honor the special occasion by hiring a sitter, going to a movie, and reflecting over dinner about how you are grateful not to be pushing out a person-shaped watermelon from between your legs this year. Or celebrate it by pushing ANOTHER person-shaped watermelon from between your legs. Either way, get over yourselves.

      Apr 12, 2010 at 7:46 am   rating: 20  small thumbs up

    • #18.2   Sean Jungian

      If you don’t hire a caterer, how will everyone know you are the Best Parent Ever, with the Best Child Ever?

      Apr 12, 2010 at 10:00 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #18.3   maceelaine bang

      Should I recognize WHF? I thought I was up on my memes.

      Apr 12, 2010 at 2:33 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #18.4   infant tyrone bang

      Whudtha Holy Fuck ?

      It’s a Brooklynism, unless you’re from the East Coast,
      in which case it’s a West Coast skateboarding term.

      Apr 12, 2010 at 2:39 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #18.5   Mo®

      ” It’s an infant. It can’t talk. It can’t walk. It shits in its own pants. It can barely hold its own head up. “
      This sounds like me last Saturday night…

      Apr 12, 2010 at 4:24 pm   rating: 17  small thumbs up

    • #18.6   infant tyrone bang

      I’ve got a handle that might work for you then.
      Swap ya for that magnum of Lafite you overlooked ?

      Apr 12, 2010 at 6:49 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #18.7   Boss

      I don’t get the outrage for catering a party for a one year old’s party. The point I was trying to make was that the baby just happens to be there, it’s not like the whole focus is on the kid. The food and the party is really for the adults to enjoy. It’s an excuse to throw a party, really. Most of my friends and family are really social people so it’s normal to throw a party for a big boxing match, someone’s birthday, someone coming home after being gone for a while, baptisms, it’s a nice sunny day outside, we haven’t seen each other in a month, etc. We just like to have fun.

      I guess if you don’t really know the person and they randomly hit you up with a 1 year old’s party invite it could be annoying, but when the party is done right and made for the adults to enjoy then just have fun catching up and partying together.

      Apr 14, 2010 at 9:32 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #18.8   Sika

      *facepalm* the party isn’t really for the kid. It’s for the adults! Congratulations, you kept another human alive for a year. Now it can walk and you can return sleep to your daily routine.

      Apr 17, 2010 at 12:25 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #18.9   Michelle

      Um, “Congratulations, you kept another human alive for a year.” Isn’t that sort of a requirement for parenthood? Parties are thrown for doing your job? Shit, I go to work, I want booze and cake right now! nom, nom, nom…

      Apr 20, 2010 at 3:12 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #19   Pterosaur

    I’m throwing a party to celebrate all the times that I used effective birth control. Gifts required. Anyone who doesn’t come is NOT MY REAL FRIEND.

    Also, there will be cake. Yay!

    Apr 12, 2010 at 7:23 am   rating: 42  small thumbs up

    • #19.1   HappyNat

      Not getting laid doesn’t count as using effective birth control, sorry.

      Apr 12, 2010 at 7:56 am   rating: 12  small thumbs up

    • #19.2   jaywalke

      Sounds great. You’ll probably still get the same people, though, who RSVP and then pull out at the last second.

      Apr 12, 2010 at 8:03 am   rating: 19  small thumbs up

    • #19.3   Laura

      “You’ll probably still get the same people, though, who RSVP and then pull out at the last second.”

      I thought that was what we were celebrating.

      Apr 12, 2010 at 12:31 pm   rating: 19  small thumbs up

    • #19.4   Mo®

      I am taking you out for a nice fish dinner and then not calling you afterwords!

      Apr 12, 2010 at 4:25 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

  • #20   keith

    and it’s different in the UK, from Wiki:

    “From 2009, the newly created Vetting and Barring Scheme, which is a partnership of the Independent Safeguarding Authority and the CRB, will require all adults who teach, train, supervise or care for children or vulnerable adults on a frequent or intensive basis to register, with criminal offences for non-compliance. The group required to register is estimated to comprise approximately 11.3 million people (a quarter of the adult population).

    Reports in newspapers (Daily Telegraph & others) reveal that some schools are being misled about the need for such checks. To the extent that they are issuing in-house rules (which are at their own discretion) that all visitors such as parents, workmen etc, must either have a valid CRB check or be escorted throughout their visit.”

    rough translation: “every adult is potentially a paedophile”

    Apr 12, 2010 at 7:29 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #20.1   Sean Jungian

      Ha, and I always figured the U.S. had a corner on the “there’s a pedophile lurking around every corner” hysteria.

      Apr 12, 2010 at 7:40 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #20.2   keith

      Sean: there’s a story that a 90-y-o woman helper in a sports club kitchen had to have a CRB check – because she might come into contact with “children”, defined for the purposes of this pile of red tape as someone under 18. I suspect she had more to fear from them, than them for her

      Apr 12, 2010 at 1:04 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #21   Woman on the Verge bang

    My son actually received an invite to a classmate’s birthday party – a girl he barely knows and doesn’t like. The invite said, “Your whole family is invited! Bring meat, chairs to sit in, and a gift!”

    Yeah. Right.

    Apr 12, 2010 at 8:57 am   rating: 13  small thumbs up

    • #21.1   Pterosaur

      Bring meat? WTF? Are they barbarian nomads?

      I’d show up with a freshly killed deer over my shoulder to “honor the host.” Then I’d act all offended if the hostess didn’t promptly gut and spit-roast it.

      Although they don’t own chairs either, so maybe they are nomads. Camel ride, anyone?

      Apr 12, 2010 at 11:49 am   rating: 20  small thumbs up

    • #21.2   farcical aquatic ceremony

      of COURSE you’ve gotta bring meat, otherwise the birthday baby’ll start lookin fuckin del-…

      what? am i the only one who’s noticed how tender and juicy-looking babies are..?

      my bad…

      Apr 12, 2010 at 12:29 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #21.3   infant tyrone bang

      You mean when Aussies say “Put another shrimp on the barbie !”
      they’re not necessarily referring to seafood ?

      Maybe they’re taking Swift’s A Modest Proposal way too literally.

      For all of you nomads…

      Apr 12, 2010 at 2:32 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #21.4   maceelaine bang

      Meat is the traditional gift for the 1st birthday, much like paper is the gift for the 1st anniversary.

      I fondly remember my 1st birthday, with my crown of brisket and my sausage sash.

      Apr 12, 2010 at 2:38 pm   rating: 21  small thumbs up

    • #21.5   Mo®

      Mmmmm fat babies are the best because the fats melts down as you spit roast them and the skin gets that lovely golden brown hue!!!

      “Sausage sash” :razz:

      Apr 12, 2010 at 4:28 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

  • #22   James

    I hate when an invitation is extended and the person agree to come, but never turn up. It is impolite especially when you RSVP the event.

    Maybe they are afraid of bringing gifts so it should be clearly stated don’t bring gifts, just come, eat, drink and have fun..

    Apr 12, 2010 at 9:32 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

  • #23   Blogmella bang

    I like the woman who said “We would have LOVED to come, but were not invited”. You tell ‘em Amanda!

    Although frankly, if she wanted to go that much, I imagine they didn’t invite her because she is boring.

    Apr 12, 2010 at 11:10 am   rating: 20  small thumbs up

    • #23.1   maceelaine bang

      they didn’t invite her because she’s passive aggressive, obvs.

      Apr 12, 2010 at 2:26 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #24   babiessuck

    Honestly, breeders DO need to get over the concept that workable sexual organs deserve some type of reward – monetary or otherwise – especially from people who aren’t immediate, close family members.

    Crotch droppings do not instantly qualify you for deityhood – or cash and/or gift grabbing.

    Get over yourselves, breeders. When you contribute something AMAZING to society and have something really cool to celebrate, I’m there with bells on and free vodka and maybe a cash donation. You know, like launching a business, patenting a cool product, losing 100 pounds, you know – something important.

    Not a biological function that almost everybody performs at some point. YAWN.

    Apr 12, 2010 at 1:11 pm   rating: 11  small thumbs up

    • #24.1   Luna (the other one)

      Not all parents do that. I’m very conscious of not being that woman that hands out wallet-size photos of her kid to everyone she knows, talks about nothing but how great her kids are, and expects special treatment because she popped out a baby. That is probably why I still have a lot of single friends, despite my married with children status. With that said, the birth of a baby is a big deal that parents like to share with family and friends. It can be done without being obnoxious as long as it’s done in the right spirit, i.e. sharing the event with those who care instead of a present-gathering event.

      Apr 12, 2010 at 1:53 pm   rating: 13  small thumbs up

    • #24.2   Mo®

      Hello Neighbor-
      I recently had a ginormous shat! I mean this Titanic of a deuce curls around the bowl. After taking pictures I will be having a 21 gun salute and a band play as I flush it down the ways to infamy. There will be cocktails to celebrate this monumental bodily function. Please join me at 6, the smoking lamp will be lit at 8.

      yours Mo®

      Apr 12, 2010 at 4:33 pm   rating: 17  small thumbs up

    • #24.3   Luna (the other one)

      Now that sounds like a party! LOL Seriously, I see nothing wrong with this invitation as you aren’t asking for gifts. Now, if you registered for butt wipes and a 24 pack of TP, that’d be different…

      Apr 12, 2010 at 4:44 pm   rating: 13  small thumbs up

    • #24.4   H for Toy bang

      I’m upset about a couple things here… One, that I can’t thumb the other Luna more than once on each of her posts. Yay Luna II!!

      Two, that I didn’t get a personal invitation to Mo’s party celebrating that he is no longer full of shit.

      Apr 12, 2010 at 7:39 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

    • #24.5   Mo®

      What!!! I am certain that I dropped your invite in the mail. Did you check your Facebook? :razz:

      Apr 12, 2010 at 8:20 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #24.6   Goldie

      What the hell did I just walk into? *peers* Holy smokes, a childfree circle jerk! Sorry guys, didn’t mean to interrupt, please continue *backs out the door in a hurry*

      Seriously though? A giant shat? Seriously??

      Apr 12, 2010 at 9:16 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #24.7   anglophile bang

      Someone needs her corset stays loosened, I think.

      Apr 13, 2010 at 6:36 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #24.8   H for Toy bang

      Mo, I deleted my Facebook account because no one ever responded to the invitations I sent them via status update. I am no longer friends with any of those people.

      And for the record, Goldie. I have two children, who both have had several birthday parties, but that doesn’t mean I can’t appreciate a good joke.

      Apr 13, 2010 at 9:48 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #24.9   Mo®

      Aw so that is why you didn’t come to my baby otters tea at the zoo. :sad: You do like a odd joke and that is why I ♥ you.

      Дорогая, если мне придется объяснять, что это была шутка на теле функции это разрушает его.

      Apr 13, 2010 at 9:59 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #24.10   Luna (the other one) bang

      Goldie, I have kids, too. I just try to be careful who I inflict them on. And as for the poo, as far as I’m concerned, any excuse to have a party is fine with me. In addition to graduations, marriages, new babies, and birthdays, I’ve celebrated divorces, hernia surgeries, new chickens, and a rash clearing up. Why not poo?

      Apr 13, 2010 at 12:59 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #24.11   H for Toy bang

      You can certainly tell an odd joke, Mo, and that’s why I ♥ you.

      Apr 13, 2010 at 1:32 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #25   molly ringwald

    at one year old, your child doesn’t need nice toys. he has no idea what the hell is going on. as for clothes, who cares what the hell they look like, he will destroy them anyway… not to mention they will only fit for 3 months. give him a box or something shiny and slap a diaper on him and there you go! i don’t know what the fuss is about!

    this is why i save my money for important things… like birth control.

    Apr 12, 2010 at 1:18 pm   rating: 14  small thumbs up

  • #26   Luna (the other one)

    I think the real problem here is the general rudeness of people in general. I have noticed an increase in those over inviting and demanding gifts for all sorts of occasions in recent years. It takes the fun out of the milestones for me when the bride/mom-to-be/parent-of-the-birthday-child is obviously fishing for gifts. It’s bad etiquette to list where you are registered, suggest that party-goers just bring money, etc. I have also noticed an increase in those that RSVP and then don’t show up. It’s all a symptom of the same problem – self-important assholes that think they’re entitled and the only ones that matter. It’s not just parents, but if you were an asshole before you had kids, it probably won’t cure you.

    Apr 12, 2010 at 1:36 pm   rating: 24  small thumbs up

  • #27   snatchbeast

    I’ll only go if there’s alcohol involved

    Apr 12, 2010 at 6:53 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #27.1   Mo®

      I’ll bring the bourbon and vodka.

      Apr 13, 2010 at 9:59 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #28   Methinks bang

    So is it fair to assume that this is the same type of woman whose profile photo album consists solely of baby photos and whose status updates consist solely of infant accomplishments?

    Apr 13, 2010 at 6:02 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

  • #29   rollo

    What sort of a name is Cherié anyway? I’ve met a few Chéries, but never a Cherié (to rhyme with Perrier?)

    Apr 13, 2010 at 2:40 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #30   Lisa

    I can understand how they feel to a point. None of my good friends came to my bridal shower, even though they begged for invitations and we even had to change the date to accommodate some of their schedules. I wasn’t even going to have one until they talked me into it so they could be there… then none of them cared to arrive or even call so we had all of this wasted food and favors. It was really hurtful and embarrassing.

    I know I get invitations from people all the time for kids parties and such, a lot of people I barely even k now, but we don’t know if these ladies are mad at those people, or really good friends and family that didn’t show.

    I mean, it does happen.

    Apr 14, 2010 at 3:08 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #31   Joeygirl

    some people on facebook are so passive-aggressive with their updates.
    there should be a section on this blog dedicated strictly to this – if there already isn’t one.

    Apr 14, 2010 at 6:00 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #32   Yes, your Facebook friends are silently judging you. |

    [...] Thanks for not buying me the Diaper Genie I registered for!!! [...]

    Jun 19, 2010 at 3:52 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up


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