Your “Brown Friends”

April 13th, 2010 · 106 comments

At first glance, would you assume that the the writer of this note….

a) is kind of a racist prick?

b) has a thing against students/alumni from a certain university in Providence, R.I.?

c) has a penchant for using confusing euphemisms for bodily waste?

I WOULD RATHER NOT MEET ANY MORE OF YOUR BROWN FRIENDS. EITHER ASK THEM TO LEAVE OR INTRODUCE THEM TO PEOPLE DOWNSTAIRS. THX

I’ll admit I assumed the answer was either a or b, until I read the submitter’s explanation about where the note was found: above the stinky toilet in a share house of (mostly male) British university students.

The verdict: Still offensive, just, you know, in a different way.

related: 2 notes, 1 cupcake

FILED UNDER: anthropomorphism · college life · shit · thx · toilet · U.K.


106 responses so far ↓

  • #1   Mark bang

    Do not go fishing for brown trout.

    Apr 13, 2010 at 5:09 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

    • #1.1   Ethnic Avenue

      “Worthington, I’d like to meet my ‘brown friends.’ This one is named Glenn Beck and he enjoys floating. The one with hardly any shape is called Sean Hannity. The pebbles and fragments are known as ‘Rush,’ in aggregate.”

      Apr 13, 2010 at 6:14 pm   rating: 43  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.2   molly ringwald

      Mikey, is he cute? Is he brown? Would he like to join us for a cocktail?

      Apr 14, 2010 at 3:09 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #2   Mo® bang

    I fear for what is to surely come…

    Apr 13, 2010 at 5:17 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #2.1   Gavin

      His “Brown Friends” were fucking delicious?

      Apr 14, 2010 at 8:28 am   rating: 10  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.2   Mo®

      There was that one…

      Apr 14, 2010 at 10:15 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.3   Luna (the other one)

      Someone had to do it. Thanks for throwing yourself on the grenade for us, Gavin.

      Apr 14, 2010 at 10:59 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #3   Woman on the Verge bang

    Poop goes to Hell?

    Apr 13, 2010 at 5:21 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #3.1   Bunnee

      Along with the goats, Wo.
      Sheep, however, go to heaven.

      Apr 13, 2010 at 5:32 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.2   park rose

      Yup, Bunnee and WotV:
      Pee goes to heaven,
      Poop goes to hell.

      Apr 13, 2010 at 5:58 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.3   TheOldSchool bang

      WotV:

      Do ursine creatures tend to defecate in sylvan settings?

      Apr 13, 2010 at 8:59 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #4   Sean Jungian

    I trust this PAN resulted in a huge party with lots and lots of brown “friends” invited to hang out at the pool?

    Apr 13, 2010 at 5:22 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #4.1   Woman on the Verge bang

      I’m pretty sure if they’re at the pool, they are no longer hanging out.

      Apr 13, 2010 at 5:34 pm   rating: 15  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.2   H for Toy bang

      Mo sent out an invitation for just such a party two PANSs ago. Maybe it is a good idea, after all.

      Apr 13, 2010 at 6:29 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.3   infant tyrone bang

      If it’s a pool party, stick to neat scotch or plain red wine.
      Beware the Dingleberry daquiris.
      Don’t even think about the pee-in-ya coladas.

      Apr 13, 2010 at 7:00 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.4   Aiye

      “I’m pretty sure if they’re at the pool, they are no longer hanging out.”

      Sure?

      Apr 14, 2010 at 8:45 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.5   Mo®

      Do not “bob” for anything. Just saying and stay away from the brown acid.

      Apr 14, 2010 at 10:16 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #5   anglophile bang

    But my greenish friends are ok, though?

    Apr 13, 2010 at 5:24 pm   rating: 11  small thumbs up

    • #5.1   Bunnee

      No, Glo, they are not. Lay off the blue frosting. ;)

      Apr 13, 2010 at 5:31 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

       
    • #5.2   maceelaine bang

      Have you ever eaten a LOT of beets? I don’t recommend it.

      Apr 13, 2010 at 6:47 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #5.3   Escape Goat

      … and take it easy on the pistachio ice cream.

      Apr 13, 2010 at 6:53 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #5.4   anglophile bang

      I did once have a rather interesting experience with red velvet cake…

      Apr 13, 2010 at 8:46 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #5.5   park rose bang

      Well, if Jimi Hendrix were ever to pop you the question (hypothetically speaking of course… c’mon, we all know he’s dead) then your answer would be a resounding and hearty aye! Aye! I am. Me hearties. What do you want to make of it?

      Apr 13, 2010 at 10:38 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #5.6   infant tyrone bang

      Not sure what question “Aye ! Aye ! I am.” is the answer for,
      But I bombed at Jeopardy and in New Haven, too.
      In case it was even the loosest of salutes to Captain Trips,
      Here’s some Popeyepopping “I am ! I am !” just for you.

      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K9mEuK8KNnA&feature=related

      *Popeye chimes in at 2:30

      **Lyrics & Cliff Notes here
      http://artsites.ucsc.edu/GDead/agdl/grow.html

      Apr 14, 2010 at 3:08 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #6   Bunnee

    ….or your red friends, or your yellow friends, or your “nutty” friends. The corny ones are OK, though. I enjoy their sense of humor.

    Apr 13, 2010 at 5:30 pm   rating: 24  small thumbs up

    • #6.1   H for Toy bang

      Burnt Umber friends?

      Apr 13, 2010 at 6:26 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.2   Beelzebunnee

      CORN NUTS!!!

      * crashes through glass table*

      Apr 13, 2010 at 9:27 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.3   park rose bang

      Bunnee. Personally, I find their sense of humour a little hard to digest.

      Apr 13, 2010 at 10:39 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.4   infant tyrone bang

      Corn humor seems to go in one ear and out the other.

      Apr 14, 2010 at 1:19 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.5   TheOldSchool bang

      Why put up with painful corn humor any longer?

      Apr 14, 2010 at 1:31 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.6   infant tyrone bang

      Oh, like we’re gonna get shud of ‘em with Dr. Scholl’s technology ?
      Don’t make me laugh…

      Apr 14, 2010 at 4:33 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #7   QuarterRoy00 bang

    My brown friends don’t like to talk for a long time after I invite them to come over, but then they won’t shut up!

    Apr 13, 2010 at 5:36 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #8   Odious

    What if I told you they were my brown ENEMIES?

    Apr 13, 2010 at 5:39 pm   rating: 11  small thumbs up

    • #8.1   park rose bang

      Brown enemas? Aggressive and irritable turds might be a consequence.

      Apr 13, 2010 at 10:41 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.2   infant tyrone bang

      As long as you don’t expect precious-metal nuggets.

      Google “glister enema” and find out why the misquote
      “All that glitters is not gold” keeps you from appreciating
      the full and fundamental foarce of Shakespearean scatology.

      Apr 14, 2010 at 12:58 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #9   Escape Goat

    What’s an a$$hole like this doin’ with neon-green craft paper? Does he have a yard sale comin’ up?

    Apr 13, 2010 at 5:43 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #9.1   TheOldSchool bang

      Crapbooking is more popular than ever.

      Apr 13, 2010 at 10:42 pm   rating: 11  small thumbs up

       
    • #9.2   Lindsay

      Looks to me like a green sticky note. Supermarkets in the UK always seem to favour luminous green and pink to the standard yellow ones. Would also explain why the pen is so thick – tiny paper.

      My former flatmate loved to leave me bitchy sticky notes because you can stick them to whatever is pissing you off (like a single empty bottle left on a table). The best thing is she wrote them on MY sticky notes.

      Apr 14, 2010 at 4:47 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #9.3   TheOldSchool bang

      Lindsay,

      This is a sticky question about a sticky situation, but did you stick sticky notes onto her sticky notes asking that she not use your sticky notes?

      If the above question is too personal, feel free to tell me where I can stick it.

      Apr 14, 2010 at 11:05 am   rating: 10  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #10   Escape Goat

    Is people spelled “peopge”?

    Fail, dude. Fail … on so many levels.

    PS–my neighbor who does origami wants his paper back. You douchebagel.

    Apr 13, 2010 at 5:52 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

     
  • #11   park rose bang

    This is the sad tail of the lonesome logger.

    Apr 13, 2010 at 6:05 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #11.1   Escape Goat

      … plagued by a school of finless trout dogs …

      Apr 13, 2010 at 6:06 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #11.2   TheOldSchool bang

      Li’l Jimmy No-Mates

      Apr 13, 2010 at 9:03 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #12   0falcon8 bang

    the people downstairs must obviously be down with brown

    Apr 13, 2010 at 6:31 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #12.1   BurstingAtTheSeams

      Down with Brown and willing to say Hello to Yellow.

      Apr 15, 2010 at 12:29 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #13   infant tyrone bang

    There’s a pitcher for the Portland Sea Dogs (a Boston Red Sox minor league affiliate) named Tad Browne, who, in a sort of homage to the late, great Jim “Catfish” Hunter, has taken to calling himself “Trout” Browne.
    Great control, decent fastball, so-so curve ball, but one hell of a sinker.
    He even has a nickname for that pitch…

    Apr 13, 2010 at 6:46 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #13.1   Escape Goat

      The “Browne trout”?

      Apr 13, 2010 at 6:50 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #13.2   infant tyrone bang

      He wants club PR people and local press in Portland to standardize it as Trout Browne, but it’s been like trying to push piss up a steep mountain.

      Apr 13, 2010 at 7:05 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #13.3   infant tyrone bang

      EG,
      I was thinking just plain old “Stinker”, but yours is an improvement.
      Maybe the ones that don’t go where he wants them to go are “Stinkers”.
      And the change-ups that seem to hover over the plate are “Floaters”?

      Apr 13, 2010 at 7:58 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #13.4   captainbitchslap

      And the ones hit out of the park are “Baby Ruths”?

      Apr 13, 2010 at 9:36 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #13.5   park rose bang

      Explosive diarrhoea?

      Apr 13, 2010 at 10:44 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #13.6   TheOldSchool bang

      Baby showers?

      Apr 14, 2010 at 2:16 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #13.7   infant tyrone bang

      TOS + rose,
      I know y’all are on topic, but just not where the rest of us are right now.

      Apr 14, 2010 at 4:39 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #14   Blogmella bang

    “Ask them to leave, or introduce them to the people downstairs”? I have no idea what either of those means and I’m British. Presumably one means “flush the loo” – I’ll assume that’s “ask them to leave.” So what does the other one mean? Fling your shit out of the window? Also, “friends”? I thought Christopher Robin was the only person who was friends with Poo(h).

    Apr 13, 2010 at 6:52 pm   rating: 18  small thumbs up

    • #14.1   veritybrown

      I got the impression that the culprit was supposed to either flush the toilet (ask them to leave) or use some other bathroom (introduce them to the people downstairs). But I could be wrong.

      Apr 13, 2010 at 10:17 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.2   park rose bang

      Yea, Verity. I think you’re right.

      Apr 13, 2010 at 10:45 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.3   Blogmella bang

      Ah yes, you are probably right Verity. Good lord, I hope the people downstairs don’t see this note!

      Apr 14, 2010 at 1:33 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #15   Steff

    Sounds like “get them Nazi B@stards outta here” which I hope is closer to the truth than “introduce that turd to me”…
    As a foreigner in Britain (german ex pat), I have come to appreciate their peculiar ways, but even over here racists don’t tend to ask to be introduced to… well, brown people. Unless they have spent two weeks in Benidorm. Err.

    Apr 13, 2010 at 7:10 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #16   Pterosaur

    This is the first time that I’ve ever wished that someone was a racist. It would be a less sickening option.

    Ew, dude. Ew.

    Apr 13, 2010 at 7:17 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #16.1   TheOldSchool bang

      Thank you, Pterosaur, for sharing your message of hope and healing.

      Apr 14, 2010 at 1:56 am   rating: 14  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #17   Denny DelVecchio

    I don’t know about your friends, but I don’t put my friends in a toilet.

    Apr 13, 2010 at 8:08 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #17.1   infant tyrone bang

      Friends don’t let friends drive stunk ?

      Apr 14, 2010 at 1:02 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #17.2   TheOldSchool bang

      Or three shits to the wind?

      Apr 14, 2010 at 1:29 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #17.3   MAMARILLA2 bang

      But my friend was shit-faced.

      Apr 14, 2010 at 2:16 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #17.4   molly ringwald

      and it was just for shits and giggles…

      Apr 14, 2010 at 3:20 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #17.5   mamason bang

      This shit is starting to piss me off.

      Apr 14, 2010 at 3:24 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #18   Goldie

    I can’t believe the note author is kicking Mr.Hanky out of his house! How rude!

    Apr 13, 2010 at 8:31 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #18.1   Bunnee

      I can’t believe it took someone this long to make a Mr. Hanky joke!

      Apr 13, 2010 at 9:25 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #18.2   FeRD

      Ooh, and I can’t believe I didn’t refresh before posting #20! :(

      Apr 13, 2010 at 9:42 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #19   Canthz_B bang

    I can understand this sentiment very well.
    My sister attended Brown University, and I can see not wanting to meet her…ever.

    Apr 13, 2010 at 8:56 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #20   FeRD

    That note writer sure do smell an awful lot like flahhhhhhwers!

    Apr 13, 2010 at 9:41 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

     
  • #21   Melanie

    What can brown (friends) do for you?

    Apr 13, 2010 at 10:37 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #21.1   Canthz_B bang

      Safe passage through certain neighborhoods is always nice.

      Apr 14, 2010 at 12:42 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #22   TheOldSchool bang

    You can’t comment without logging in.

    Apr 13, 2010 at 10:38 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #22.1   infant tyrone bang

      You can’t do squat without logging in.

      Apr 14, 2010 at 1:28 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #22.2   TheOldSchool bang

      Actually, you can.

      But only if she’s drunk.

      Apr 14, 2010 at 1:35 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #23   Jenny

    And here, ladies and gentlemen, we have a lovely example of carrying passive aggression to the point of obscurity. An advanced technique by which the note-writer is able to vent, with absolutely no impact on the surrounding environment.

    Apr 13, 2010 at 10:50 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #23.1   gladystopia

      Around my neighborhood, we call that “silent but deadly”.

      Apr 14, 2010 at 10:13 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #24   rave

    Dear Archie Bunker,
    I’ve taken to drinking barium cocktails so as to ensure that there will be no more disturbing visitations from my “brown friends.” It is my sincere hope that my “white friends” will be welcome upstairs, as the radical and progressive downstairs neighbors have expressed concern about having my “white friends” in their home. They say it would be “unnatural.”
    At any rate, I look forward to many more friendly gatherings between our friends, both brown and white. Who knows, maybe one of these days things will get steamy.

    xoxoxoxoxo
    Me

    Apr 14, 2010 at 12:21 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #24.1   park rose bang

      Get down and steamy? Barium White will see to it. MmmMMMmmm

      Apr 14, 2010 at 12:34 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #24.2   MAMARILLA2 bang

      You’ll never find…Another butt like mine…

      Apr 14, 2010 at 12:44 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #24.3   infant tyrone bang

      Was Archie’s concern with brown in the ‘terlit’
      a function of Edith’s Mala-plop-isms?

      Apr 14, 2010 at 1:13 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #25   Canthz_B bang

    What can Brown do for you?

    Hopefully, deliver that package downstairs from now on.

    Apr 14, 2010 at 12:28 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

     
  • #26   passerby

    “has a penchant for confusing euphemisms for bodily waste?”

    Well, whilst I’ll agree that some euphemisms are really shit, I’m not sure that’s a confusion that’s often made…

    Apr 14, 2010 at 12:29 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #26.1   Canthz_B bang

      Maybe, but can you really poo-poo the whole idea?

      Apr 14, 2010 at 12:49 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #26.2   TheOldSchool bang

      passerby,

      While you’re sitting on that throne, taking your dump all over the remark’s accuracy, could you do me a favor and please pass the grey poupon?

      Apr 14, 2010 at 2:14 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #26.3   Canthz_B bang

      Or, at least, the brown mustard.

      Apr 14, 2010 at 8:40 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #26.4   mamason bang

      Drats… I can’t ketchup for I must terd.

      Apr 14, 2010 at 3:21 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #27   Mel K

    I can sympathise greatly with the note writer.
    Who needs “any more” friend requests?

    I bet his own friends take up too much of his time already.

    Apr 14, 2010 at 12:52 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #28   Lindsay

    I actually kind of sympathise with the note-taker on this one. I’ve lived in a flat where the flush on the toilet tends not to work well (we have low water pressure) with the effect that everything gets flushed away EXCEPT the LAST thing you want to see when you go for a pee in the morning. Nobody wants to become that familiar with their flatmates’ excretions. If this flat is like ours, and the flush doesn’t work properly, that’s one thing. But If these people have a working flush and they’re not bothering to use it, then that’s really just gross.

    Apr 14, 2010 at 5:03 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #28.1   TheOldSchool bang

      Lindsay,

      Regarding your last sentence: would you please elaborate?

      Apr 14, 2010 at 11:10 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #29   Luna (the other one)

    It’s a good thing my son doesn’t live there. For some bizarre reason, he and his friends think it’s hilarious to text each other pictures of giant poo. I can’t imagine what the note-writer would have in his inbox. I have failed as a mother.

    Apr 14, 2010 at 6:40 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

     
  • #30   katiewatie

    I believe the answer is d) the author is making a political statement

    As a Tory, he doesn’t want any more Labour dudes coming over spewing their beliefs. However, the people downstairs vote BNP and would be happy to meet the Brown friends.

    Apr 14, 2010 at 7:27 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #30.1   katiewatie

      This comment would’ve gone down a lot better in Britain, where Brown is the leader of the Labour Party (and also happens to be our current Prime Minister), and the BNP are a notoriously racist opposition party.

      Glad to clear things up…. (unlike the friends of the original notewriter)

      Apr 14, 2010 at 1:47 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #31   Rebekah

    If anyone watches Modern Family this “Brown friends” misunderstanding came up in a recent episode between Jay and his Columbian wife Gloria

    Apr 14, 2010 at 7:41 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #31.1   TheOldSchool bang

      Rebekah,

      I didn’t see that episode, but I’m impressed that you not only remembered the names of the characters, but also the fact that Gloria is from Colombia.

      Too many of us, it saddens me to say, would have taken the slacker route and simply tagged her as: “that hot hispanic babe with the unfeasibly humongous cha-chas.” There’s more to her character than that.

      Long legs. Pouty lips. Bubble-butt. Bedroom eyes.

      Intelligence. Wit. Other stuff, too. Etc..

      Apr 14, 2010 at 11:25 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #31.2   Rebekah

      I was wrong, it was between Cameron and Gloria.
      I agree, Gloria is more than just another hot mama.
      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uIciVwFeoEM

      Apr 15, 2010 at 10:31 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #32   aos

    I would have cleared things up by calling them “your corny brown friends.”

    Apr 14, 2010 at 8:32 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #33   claw71 bang

    Color notwithstanding, is that anyway to treat your friends? Leave them in some communal lavatory to fester in an open commode? No sir, I have too much respect for my friends to do that, even the brown ones.

    Apr 14, 2010 at 8:38 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #33.1   TheOldSchool bang

      Oh, Claw,

      Now look what you’ve done!

      You’ve gone and gotten me all fecal-misty eyed.

      Sniff … snort … burp … fart.

      Apr 14, 2010 at 11:29 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #34   oi bang

    this whole thread has gone down the “downstairs”

    Apr 14, 2010 at 11:52 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #35   Hannibal Lechter

    I ate his brown friends with some fava beans and a nice Chianti.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BjGpcEA-FyE

    Apr 14, 2010 at 11:54 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #36   boo ya

    Heidi Ho!

    Apr 15, 2010 at 10:34 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #37   Yo

    What about “yellow” friends? Or “a hue of brown sort of like Halle Berry but definately not Wesley Snipes?”

    Apr 16, 2010 at 9:49 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #38   Michelle

    At first glance, would you assume that the the writer of this note….
    a) is kind of a racist prick?
    b) has a thing against students/alumni from a certain university in Providence, R.I.?
    c) has a penchant for using confusing euphemisms for bodily waste?

    I’ll admit I assumed the answer was either a or b, until I read the [...]

    Apr 19, 2010 at 2:15 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #39   It’s a toilet, not your your asstray | PassiveAggressiveNotes.com

    [...] related: Your “Brown Friends” [...]

    May 25, 2011 at 2:12 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     

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