When I was a kid, my mother liked to say that I had a “flair for the dramatic.” Just ask her about the My Little Pony sewing machine she promised — I mean crossed her heart and hoped to die promised — that I could have when I turned six. (I’m still waiting.)
If only my parents had sent my temper-tantrum-throwing little bratty self to time-out armed with pencil and paper! Then we might have precious mementos like this one, written by the youngest daughter of our anonymous submitter from Pennsylvania. After being sent to her room for bad behavior, darling daughter — “a chronic notewriter” — slipped this under the door for her parents to discover.
![Dear Mom and Dad don't bother to give me dinner im [sic] not that hungry - From The saddest person in the world](http://farm5.static.flickr.com/4003/4518061139_d9c3422293.jpg "Dear Mom and Dad don't bother to give me dinner im [sic] not that hungry - From The saddest person in the world")
(The crossed-out “Love” is what kills me.) And of course, it’s not just little girls who resort to such melodrama.
As Sara in Phoenix explains, ”My husband and I were outside one evening, deaf to the ‘screams’ of my 9-year-old son, Eliot. Apparently, he was in his room and bumped his fish tank, causing a small amount of water to slosh out, and he panicked. When we came back inside, we found the above note shoved under our bedroom door. Upon examination of said fish tank, we could find zero evidence of leak-springing…but then, we were also laughing pretty hard at the indignant note — especially its closing and postscript.”
Adds Sara: “P.S. Bob is fine.”
related: The joys of motherhood
122 responses so far ↓
#1
Blogmella
Two future LiveJournal users there, if I’m not mistaken.
Apr 14, 2010 at 3:24 pm rating: 52
#2
bug
most heart-warming PANs ever.
Apr 14, 2010 at 3:25 pm rating: 22
#3
Luna (the other one)
I hope they save those for the tell-all biography later…
Apr 14, 2010 at 3:31 pm rating: 6
#4
Wordtinker doesnt smith
Well, with Bob’s short attention span, he probably doesn’t even remember seeing a light at the end of the tunnel, or the tunnel for that matter.
However, Eliot should apply for Crime Victims Reparations. He could qualify for cash remuneration to pay for the therapy he believes he’ll need. Nothing like a wad o’ the state’s cash to ease your suffering.
Apr 14, 2010 at 3:32 pm rating: 11
#5
MAMARILLA2
If she is this tragic at this young age, I don’t want to be around when she hits those melodramatic teenage years…Yikes!
Apr 14, 2010 at 3:34 pm rating: 12
#6
Wordtinker doesnt smith
I blame the media for the eating disorder “The saddest person in the world” has developed.
Apr 14, 2010 at 3:35 pm rating: 9
#7
TygerAKC
I think I’ll move to Australia.
Apr 14, 2010 at 3:36 pm rating: 25
#8
Mills
I totally get the “flair for the dramatic.” My niece is 9 years old and told my sister (her mother) that “you just don’t understand me and know what I’m about!” She also told her she was a baby devil.
In another bout of amateur drama, she was told she could not go outside to play because she was in trouble. Little darling told this to her mother: “you obviously don’t want me to be healthy because you don’t want me to go outside and exercise. So, since you just want me to be unhealthy and eat a lot, I am going to eat and eat and eat.”
Yeah, I get it.
Apr 14, 2010 at 3:40 pm rating: 38
#9
rave
Worringly:
Warringly?
Worryingly?
Warningly?
Each has its own charm. Personally, I’m a fan of the latter!
Apr 14, 2010 at 3:46 pm rating: 8
#10
cuffed
This place used to have some similar pretty funny stuff off of kids, but it’s kinda gone downhill lately. Theres some gems in there though if you go back in the archive. http://brokenchalk.blogspot.com/
Apr 14, 2010 at 3:50 pm rating: 2
#11
oi
Could please anybody decipher the second note? Frankly if my kid ever writes in a scrawl like this I would would make him write alphabet 100 times over or until his hands are sore. Pleasae pardon my spelling mistakes I have no idea what I just typed because there is a fucking ad right over the comment box.
Apr 14, 2010 at 3:54 pm rating: 22
#12
Blogmella
“Dear Mommy + Jon”
That’s Eliot’s problem explained – the poor child comes from a broken home.
Apr 14, 2010 at 4:28 pm rating: 13
#13
oi
I too used to refuse meals when got grounded, but with my mom it got old pretty fast. I had to resort to saying that I knew I was picked up from a dumpster. That did not hold even for the first time because she burst out laughing and then grounded me some more. :sigh: she was a cruel cruel mother.
Apr 14, 2010 at 4:53 pm rating: 22
#14
claw71
Ok, the first note is an example of why Emos should stick to cutting and leave the procreating to normal, chronically abusive parents who insist on living vicariously through their children.
The second note is just disturbing. Does this kid have PKU? How retarded do you have to be to lack the deductive ability to understand the difference between a leak and a slosh? Apparently that line is somewhere after the ability to write legibly. I know the kid is listed at 9 years old, but that’s got to be 3rd or 4th grade…they’re learning cursive by then!
Of course I guess you’re not starting out with the best genes in the world when mom and dad can’t seem to team up and spell ‘Elliot’ correctly. Folks, clever spellings only work if they’re actually clever.
One last thing, doesn’t anybody text anymore? What’s with the hand written notes?
Apr 14, 2010 at 5:11 pm rating: 26
#15
Fanboy Wife
I can’t wait to see the notes they’ll leave as adults.
Apr 14, 2010 at 5:58 pm rating: 2
#16
gladystopia
I was dramatic at an insanely young age, perhaps predictably. In a precursor to my later dweeby brand of nonconformity, I didn’t even fall into the same bad habits as other toddlers; rather than sucking my thumb, I sucked my index and middle fingers instead. This habit continued into preschool, and evidently it drove my parents stone cold bat-fuck crazy, because they were always, ALWAYS after me about indulging this habit in public. (The worst offense, of course, was to suck one’s fingers IN CHURCH; this was one of the few things I did as a child that were deemed worthy of corporal punishment.)
Well, there came a time when remarking, reminding, perseverating, harping, and nagging had been entirely exhausted, and when even the oft-threatened, rarely-used Wait-Til-Your-Father-Gets-Home DAD-Administered Spanking had failed to break me of this foul, disgraceful self-abusive habit. And, in the time-honored tradition of those whose cause is so lame that they have run out of methods by which to pursue it honorably, my parents resorted to the ultimate weapon: ridicule.
And so it was that I walked into the kitchen one evening and found my mother and father standing silently in their accustomed places, each engrossed in their best imitation of four-year-old Gladys–index and middle fingers of one hand in their mouth. It was hard for them to do this properly, however, as they were intent on trying to keep a straight face as well.
“Stop it,” I said. Nothing happened; they just went on sucking their fingers.
“I mean it! Stop it!” This demand was less “defiant war-cry” and more “early whine” than I think I was aiming for, and it had as little effect.
A few more protests yielded the same lack of result; I believe I stamped my foot a few times, and my voice undoubtedly entered that dog-whistle territory only an angry little girl can manage. And finally, I looked at my parents in wounded disgust–two forty-something adults, trying not to laugh as they ganged up on a little four-year-old girl, and I burst into tears. Before I ran away sobbing into my room, though, I delivered my coup de gras, which was to be repeated as One of Those Cute Little Stories for many years:
“I don’t HAVE a mom and dad anymore!! All I gots NOW is KIDS!!!!”
Apr 14, 2010 at 6:27 pm rating: 52
#17
veritybrown
Anyone who doesn’t think these notes are great should not procreate.
Apr 14, 2010 at 7:20 pm rating: 7
#18
Denny DelVecchio
That’s exactly why I bought a shredder several years ago.
Apr 14, 2010 at 9:51 pm rating: 3
#19
Francene
My son was sent to his room recently, and posted a note, on heart shaped paper,that read “I hate everyone”. He is 8.
Apr 14, 2010 at 10:15 pm rating: 23
#20
park rose
Hands down, give me a chronic notewriter any day over a chronic bed wetter.
Apr 14, 2010 at 10:25 pm rating: 17
#21
Canthz_B
Dearest Eliot,
If I’ve told you once, I’ve told you a thousand times…“Do not disturb Mommy when she’s with a Jon.”
I know Bob needs a new tank and am working my ass (off) to raise the funds.
It’s just that Mommy isn’t as young as she used to be, Honey, she gets paid less and her heroin habit is more expensive than it used to be.
Love,
Aunt BarbMomApr 14, 2010 at 10:39 pm rating: 18
#22
Dee
There’s no one more passive aggressive than an indignant child.
Apr 15, 2010 at 2:47 am rating: 6
#23
Methinks
Maybe it’s just me, either one of these notes would’ve gotten me a serious ass-kicking. “Disrespect” (imagined or otherwise) was *not* tolerated in any form in our household.
Apr 15, 2010 at 7:55 am rating: 5
#24
Canthz_B
“From the saddest person in the world”
Boy! One kid in class gets his Prozac and tells them all how to do it.
Apr 15, 2010 at 8:26 am rating: 5
#25
GhostWriter
“Of course, Mr. HHS Officer, I understand how this looks; our kid would appear to be abused and malnourished, but it’s all an act! Here’s her note- see? She didn’t want any dinner- that’s why she wasn’t given any! I mean, you don’t actually give any credence to her claim that she’s ‘…the saddest person in the world‘, do you?”
Apr 15, 2010 at 8:49 am rating: 3
#26
Duncan
No offense intended but the 2nd note seems appalling handwriting for a nine year old. I’m not sure how the American system works in comparison, but by 9 in Scotland he would have almost finished primary school (P5, with P7 being the final year) and would be expected to write like an adult by the time he made it to High School. That’s how I wrote when I was 5!
Apr 15, 2010 at 9:15 am rating: 6
#27
Foxy J
Something does seem a little off about that second kid, I don’t know that I would be broadcasting that.
I know you guys get lame shout outs like this from a million first time posters, but this site has changed my life. My husband doesn’t even bother to ask anymore when I randomly burst out laughing because he knows I’m going to say something like “muscle milk.” I am hoping to inspire a note of my own, ideally at one of the quickie-marts in Freeport, TX: “to who is Driving around during lunch time listening to weird Music and “LAUGHING to yourself” Get Help you need it!!!!!!!!”
Apr 15, 2010 at 12:55 pm rating: 5
#28
Jamie
When I was 4, I had a row with my mum and stalked to my room to write “I HATE MUMMY” on my etch-a-sketch.
My dad, ever so old-fashioned, saw it and went purple. My mum saw it and also went purple.
But whilst my dad was purple with anger, my mum was purple trying not to laugh, at my message and my dad’s (over-) reaction.
Thirty years later, she still brings this up if we ever disagree on the phone. And she still can’t keep a straight face.
Apr 15, 2010 at 1:02 pm rating: 7
#29
park rose
Bob the fish just wanted to experience a bit of life before he renewed his vows to the neverending, always renewing, never remembered life of a fish swimming ever piously. Rumsprunga, it’s called in the Piscean world.
Apr 15, 2010 at 1:22 pm rating: 4
#30
TippingCows
If I were the parent of the first note’s writer, I’d have made sure to have hot fudge sundaes for dinner.
Apr 15, 2010 at 4:35 pm rating: 16
#31
MaeT
I don’t know if this is what you had asked for when you were 6, but you should send it to your mom and say “I’m still waiting…”
http://cgi.ebay.com/MY-LITTLE-PONY-G3-FRILLY-FROCKS-SEWING-MACHINE-LOT_W0QQitemZ350340596278QQcmdZViewItemQQptZLH_DefaultDomain_0?hash=item5191ed4236
Apr 16, 2010 at 10:37 am rating: 0
#32
Rae
When my brother and I were growing up we weren’t allowed to scream. If we were outside we could yell and shout, but there was no screaming unless our “arm was cut off and we were bleeding profusely.” This was actually really clever, because then if we did scream my mom knew it was something really bad and she needed to come running. These parents might consider adopting such a rule, for their own auditory pleasure and so if their child cut his arm off and is bleeding profusely, they’ll know not to ignore his screams.
Apr 17, 2010 at 2:27 pm rating: 3
#33
Heather
Jhordan Maybe the J is silent, but that doesn’t make it better. Booking kids birthday parties I have learned to bite my tounge.
My husband got someone mad at him for calling their daughter Leia (spelled Le-a) The childs name was La-dash-iya.
The mother pointed out the dash is not silent. EPIC FAIL
Apr 19, 2010 at 6:31 pm rating: 1
#34
Truth
Oh my gosh, I really hope you all are being sarcastic. If not, it’s time some of you get a sense of humor!
This is so typical child behavior. When I was younger, I used to write notes like these to my parents all the time, letting them know I was fed up with them and I was moving out until I found my real parents. I’d even get old boxes and set them up outside our apartment and drag out blankets and steal some food. Then it was dinner and I had to go back inside.
When you’re young, every little thing is a major crisis. My point is yeah, they’re being overdramatic, but they’ll outgrow it. These kids and their parents will look back on this and laugh. It’s cute and relatively harmless. Try not to take it so seriously!
And for goodness sakes, don’t get all worked up over a 9 year old boy’s writing! We’re talking a fourth grader here, not a college student.
May 8, 2010 at 6:21 pm rating: 3
#35 Funniest (not necessarily passive-aggressive) notes of 2010 | PassiveAggressiveNotes.com
[...] My terrible, horrible, no good, very bad parents [...]
Dec 31, 2010 at 6:12 pm rating: 0
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