My Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Parents

April 14th, 2010 · 127 comments

When I was a kid, my mother liked to say that I had a “flair for the dramatic.” Just ask her about the My Little Pony sewing machine she promised — I mean crossed her heart and hoped to die promised — that I could have when I turned six. (I’m still waiting.)

If only my parents had sent my temper-tantrum-throwing little bratty self to time-out armed with pencil and paper! Then we might have precious mementos like this one, written by the youngest daughter of our anonymous submitter from Pennsylvania. After being sent to her room for bad behavior, darling daughter — “a chronic notewriter” — slipped this under the door for her parents to discover.

Dear Mom and Dad don't bother to give me dinner im [sic] not that hungry - From The saddest person in the world

(The crossed-out “Love” is what kills me.) And of course, it’s not just little girls who resort to such melodrama.

As Sara in Phoenix explains, ”My husband and I were outside one evening, deaf to the ‘screams’ of my 9-year-old son, Eliot. Apparently, he was in his room and bumped his fish tank, causing a small amount of water to slosh out, and he panicked. When we came back inside, we found the above note shoved under our bedroom door. Upon examination of said fish tank, we could find zero evidence of leak-springing…but then, we were also laughing pretty hard at the indignant note — especially its closing and postscript.”

Dear Mommy & Jon  You almost cost the life of my bob my fish. It sprung a leak, next time if you here me screaming 'HELP MY FISH TANK SPRUNG A LEAK, PLEASE HELP ME Come Help Me' COME HELP worringly, eliot P.S. It was temporary

Adds Sara: “P.S. Bob is fine.”

related: The joys of motherhood

FILED UNDER: guilt trip · kids · martyr complex · Moms & Dads · most popular notes of 2010 · p.s.


127 responses so far ↓

  • #1   Blogmella bang

    Two future LiveJournal users there, if I’m not mistaken.

    Apr 14, 2010 at 3:24 pm   rating: 53  small thumbs up

    • #1.1   bug

      livejournal still exists?! *rushes off in search of hs nostalgia*

      Apr 14, 2010 at 3:27 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.2   Nyan

      Since nostalgia = a longing or yearning for the things of the past, one would hope that livejournal =/= nostalgia…

      Apr 14, 2010 at 4:01 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.3   snatchbeast

      =(

      don’t dis on LJ, man

      Apr 16, 2010 at 2:23 am   rating: 11  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #2   bug

    most heart-warming PANs ever.

    Apr 14, 2010 at 3:25 pm   rating: 22  small thumbs up

     
  • #3   Luna (the other one)

    I hope they save those for the tell-all biography later…

    Apr 14, 2010 at 3:31 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

     
  • #4   Wordtinker doesnt smith bang

    Well, with Bob’s short attention span, he probably doesn’t even remember seeing a light at the end of the tunnel, or the tunnel for that matter.

    However, Eliot should apply for Crime Victims Reparations. He could qualify for cash remuneration to pay for the therapy he believes he’ll need. Nothing like a wad o’ the state’s cash to ease your suffering.

    Apr 14, 2010 at 3:32 pm   rating: 11  small thumbs up

    • #4.1   Canthz_B bang

      It’s never about the money, but principles have set rates!

      Apr 15, 2010 at 8:19 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #5   MAMARILLA2 bang

    If she is this tragic at this young age, I don’t want to be around when she hits those melodramatic teenage years…Yikes!

    Apr 14, 2010 at 3:34 pm   rating: 12  small thumbs up

    • #5.1   claw71 bang

      I didn’t see an age listed, just that she was the youngest. What if she has hit those melodramatic teenage years? Double yikes.

      Apr 14, 2010 at 5:14 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #5.2   Lollipoop

      If she has already reached the melodramatic teenage years and still writes this poorly, her propensity toward being a drama queen is the least of her parents’ worries!

      Apr 16, 2010 at 2:06 pm   rating: 13  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #6   Wordtinker doesnt smith bang

    I blame the media for the eating disorder “The saddest person in the world” has developed.

    Apr 14, 2010 at 3:35 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

     
  • #7   TygerAKC bang

    I think I’ll move to Australia.

    Apr 14, 2010 at 3:36 pm   rating: 26  small thumbs up

     
  • #8   Mills

    I totally get the “flair for the dramatic.” My niece is 9 years old and told my sister (her mother) that “you just don’t understand me and know what I’m about!” She also told her she was a baby devil.

    In another bout of amateur drama, she was told she could not go outside to play because she was in trouble. Little darling told this to her mother: “you obviously don’t want me to be healthy because you don’t want me to go outside and exercise. So, since you just want me to be unhealthy and eat a lot, I am going to eat and eat and eat.”

    Yeah, I get it.

    Apr 14, 2010 at 3:40 pm   rating: 41  small thumbs up

     
  • #9   rave

    Worringly:

    Warringly?
    Worryingly?
    Warningly?

    Each has its own charm. Personally, I’m a fan of the latter!

    Apr 14, 2010 at 3:46 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

     
  • #10   cuffed

    This place used to have some similar pretty funny stuff off of kids, but it’s kinda gone downhill lately. Theres some gems in there though if you go back in the archive. http://brokenchalk.blogspot.com/

    Apr 14, 2010 at 3:50 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #11   oi bang

    Could please anybody decipher the second note? Frankly if my kid ever writes in a scrawl like this I would would make him write alphabet 100 times over or until his hands are sore. Pleasae pardon my spelling mistakes I have no idea what I just typed because there is a fucking ad right over the comment box.

    Apr 14, 2010 at 3:54 pm   rating: 22  small thumbs up

    • #11.1   Nyan

      The second note is not hard to read at all. I’ll just pretend that you couldn’t read it because you also had an ad right over the note.

      The note says:

      Dear Mommy + Jon,
      you almost cost the life of bob my fish it sprung a leak, next time if you here me screaming “HELP MY FISH TANK SPRUNG A LEAK, PLEASE HELP ME” Come Help
      worringly eliot
      PS. IT WAS temporary

      Apr 14, 2010 at 4:10 pm   rating: 37  small thumbs up

       
    • #11.2   oi bang

      ok I admit I overreacted. I could not read temporary and that sent me over the edge. May be I should not have kids.

      Apr 14, 2010 at 4:20 pm   rating: 47  small thumbs up

       
    • #11.3   jadefirefly

      There must be ads everywhere, if EITHER of those notes are difficult to read.

      Apr 14, 2010 at 4:22 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #11.4   infant tyrone bang

      Get Firefox, add AdBlocker+, then the ads do not appear.
      I think CB mentioned this months ago.
      I haven’t seen an ad since then.

      Apr 15, 2010 at 2:53 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #11.5   GhostWriter bang

      Repeatedly rubbing our noses in (a) the fact that we’ve been schooled over and over on the benefits of Firefox, and (b) how well Firefox blocks ads, is hurtful to those of us who don’t have Admin rights to our computer. Please, allow us our tantrums. We realize that there is a better world out there, we are simply disallowed from installing it. Lamenting is our only cathartic discourse.

      Apr 15, 2010 at 8:22 am   rating: 24  small thumbs up

       
    • #11.6   infant tyrone bang

      Whaddya mean, no Admin rights on your computers ?
      Why, I wouldn’t use a computer w/ no Admin rights if you paid me !
      slowly wavering organ notes rising in a crescendo to a crescendo
      OMG, some of y’all are here and at work at the same time !
      Please tell me you’re only doing this at lunch or on breaks.
      At least nobody’s mis-piloting RPV’s and killing innocent villagers by mistake, right ?

      Apr 15, 2010 at 9:41 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #11.7   oi bang

      I read your comment for the first time in a looong time and immediately regretted it.
      GW you go!
      I don’t mind ads technically, Kerry’s gotta maintain this site. I do however mind ads if they are making racket and or blocking essential stuff (like blog owner’s own posts or reader’s reactions area as in comment box) That’s just panhandling. Not cool man.

      Apr 15, 2010 at 11:10 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #11.8   oi bang

      @ 11.2. 30+?! last I checked it was grey. I am gonna assume that people are plussing me because I owned up to my mistake.
      If you guys are really supporting me on not having kids sentiment than I am positively surprised. coming from a culture where not to bear children is like committing heinous crime, I dunno if I would ever find a husband who does not want to crowd this world anymore than it already is.
      Only reason I am saying this here is because my parents do not read this blog or they would they kill themselves or at least my mom would.

      Apr 21, 2010 at 10:57 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #11.9   penny4mythots

      it was simply a funny little post with a sense of humor!

      Apr 22, 2010 at 10:32 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #12   Blogmella bang

    “Dear Mommy + Jon”

    That’s Eliot’s problem explained – the poor child comes from a broken home.

    Apr 14, 2010 at 4:28 pm   rating: 13  small thumbs up

    • #12.1   mamason bang

      The real problem is that Jon isn’t an actual name. It’s what mommy calls all of her clients.

      Apr 14, 2010 at 6:58 pm   rating: 58  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.2   TheOldSchool bang

      Not necessarily true, mamason.

      My mommy was married several hundred times.

      Each of my daddys was also named “John.”

      It’s just a very common name.

      Apr 14, 2010 at 11:30 pm   rating: 16  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.3   Canthz_B bang

      I’m not going to be the one who tells him. :???:

      Apr 15, 2010 at 8:13 am   rating: 12  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.4   GhostWriter bang

      I got married to the widow next door, and she’s been married seven times before, and every one was a Henry.

      Apr 15, 2010 at 8:24 am   rating: 15  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.5   Canthz_B bang

      I’m Henry the V, I am, I am. °hic°

      Apr 15, 2010 at 8:38 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.6   MAMARILLA2 bang

      2nd verse, same as the first..

      Apr 15, 2010 at 5:17 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #13   oi bang

    I too used to refuse meals when got grounded, but with my mom it got old pretty fast. I had to resort to saying that I knew I was picked up from a dumpster. That did not hold even for the first time because she burst out laughing and then grounded me some more. :sigh: she was a cruel cruel mother.

    Apr 14, 2010 at 4:53 pm   rating: 22  small thumbs up

    • #13.1   Bonny

      Ha! That was my parents’ threat to me. They said they found me in a dumpster and could therefore throw me away if I was bad. What’s sad is that for a while I really thought I was adopted.

      Apr 14, 2010 at 7:43 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #13.2   Methinks bang

      That’s still better than actively *wishing* that you were adopted

      Apr 15, 2010 at 7:44 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #13.3   Canthz_B bang

      Sad? Better to be adopted and loved, than a resented mistake.

      Not that you were a mistake. They had to really want you to climb into a dumpster to get you.

      Lemons/lemonade.

      Apr 15, 2010 at 8:09 am   rating: 20  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #14   claw71 bang

    Ok, the first note is an example of why Emos should stick to cutting and leave the procreating to normal, chronically abusive parents who insist on living vicariously through their children.

    The second note is just disturbing. Does this kid have PKU? How retarded do you have to be to lack the deductive ability to understand the difference between a leak and a slosh? Apparently that line is somewhere after the ability to write legibly. I know the kid is listed at 9 years old, but that’s got to be 3rd or 4th grade…they’re learning cursive by then!

    Of course I guess you’re not starting out with the best genes in the world when mom and dad can’t seem to team up and spell ‘Elliot’ correctly. Folks, clever spellings only work if they’re actually clever.

    One last thing, doesn’t anybody text anymore? What’s with the hand written notes?

    Apr 14, 2010 at 5:11 pm   rating: 27  small thumbs up

    • #14.1   Sean Jungian

      Yeah, I don’t get the kids today with their fancy analog ways of communicating.

      Apr 14, 2010 at 6:07 pm   rating: 18  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.2   Kore

      People don’t really write in cursive anymore. My psych professor told our class that she often gets requests from students to print, because they have trouble reading her very neat cursive.

      Apr 14, 2010 at 6:49 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.3   infant tyrone bang

      Sara/John are one “H” short of the commonest spellings of their names.
      Maybe their families have a tradition of H-cluster reductions, and they
      wanted to branch out or maybe even rebel when their chance came.

      Of course the odds are that it was a lot more prosaic…
      One of them probably had their heart set on the name “Prufrock”,
      and the other came up with a Nobel Prize winning compromise.
      With Bob safe, Eliot’ll next be seen meandering along the strand in
      white flannel trousers, reflecting on the Phoenix-San Diego bus ride.

      Apr 14, 2010 at 9:59 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.4   gladystopia

      Claw, I couldn’t agree with you more. It is critical that we teach our young men to recognize the difference between a leak and a slosh.

      Or, if we can’t teach them that, then at least teach them to wash the bathroom floor.

      Apr 14, 2010 at 10:00 pm   rating: 25  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.5   park rose bang

      ty, it would certainly explain all the whimpering.

      Apr 14, 2010 at 10:12 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.6   Jen

      Edited because infant tyrone is so much more actually clever than I.

      Apr 14, 2010 at 10:46 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.7   Canthz_B bang

      Get with it, guys.

      It’s all the rage now to name your child a random string of letters and invite the reader to guess at a plausible pronunciation.

      Since the pronunciation is invariably wrong, the parent is afforded the opportunity to make an indignant correction.

      It’s a form of therapy, I think.

      Apr 14, 2010 at 10:54 pm   rating: 12  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.8   Luna (the other one)

      I prefer that to the concept names. A short list of names from my daughter’s class: Justice, Destiny, Trinity, Chastity, and (my favorite *cough, cough*) Irony. Yes, someone actually named their child Irony.

      Apr 14, 2010 at 11:20 pm   rating: 22  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.9   infant tyrone bang

      Jen,
      If it’ll cheer you up any, I won’t post
      anything related to The Wasteland.
      Knock us and yourself out.

      *However, if anyone uses the word “beholden”, I’ll come out with
      Catcher in the Rye references, I swear to God I will.
      And you can guess who can talk me out of it…that’s right, nobody.

      Apr 14, 2010 at 11:28 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.10   chrys

      Probably someone who doesn’t even know the meaning of Irony. I have a teaching degree, but I actually work in a bakery, so I’ve seen more odd names than most. Today someone ordered a cake for a girl named Jhordyn. There are 44 sounds in the English language, and Jh does not form any of them. My favorite is when they spell out a name for me such as La’Quita. “La HYPHEN Quita” Really? You put something in your kid’s name and you don’t even know what it is?

      Apr 14, 2010 at 11:36 pm   rating: 25  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.11   Luna (the other one)

      Jhordyn? Really? Good grief. ‘ = hyphen? *facepalm* I don’t know how you do it. I would be “educating” people (and getting fired).

      Apr 14, 2010 at 11:52 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.12   park rose bang

      Luna, maybe you mean the Jhyphen?

      Apr 15, 2010 at 1:09 am   rating: 11  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.13   Canthz_B bang

      Today I saw the names Goodness and Goodnews (twins). There were two other kids in the family with concept names I cannot remember now, but those two stuck in my head…like railroad spikes.

      Apr 15, 2010 at 1:15 am   rating: 16  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.14   TheOldSchool bang

      All the banging and whimpering is ringing hollow.

      Apr 15, 2010 at 1:30 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.15   Canthz_B bang

      What would G’zys do?

      Apr 15, 2010 at 2:20 am   rating: 17  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.16   infant tyrone bang

      Have to explain his vanity plate often enough to switch to a bicycle ?

      Apr 15, 2010 at 2:59 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.17   Canthz_B bang

      Ty, UR2FNE!!

      Apr 15, 2010 at 7:55 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.18   infant tyrone bang

      CB,
      BACK@YA

      Apr 15, 2010 at 9:06 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.19   anglophile bang

      Now I have “Ebony and Irony” stuck in my head.

      Curse you Paul McCartney and Stevie Wonder!

      Apr 15, 2010 at 12:44 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.20   infant tyrone bang

      I hear Phil Spector’s ex is gonna title her memoirs “I, Ronnie”.

      *wonders if the toy iron that accessorized the My Little Pony
      sewing machine would be called the Ironette, maybe in a parallel
      universe in which Phillies Records owns Hasbro Toys.

      Apr 15, 2010 at 2:05 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.21   Canthz_B bang

      I looked up that family today. There were three other kids: Divine, Favour and Fortune along with Goodness and Goodnews.

      I just want to smack the living shit out of those parents.

      Apr 15, 2010 at 7:59 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.22   Ise

      We live in an area with a high population of Hmong immigrants. My ex’s father was a substitute teacher in his down-time and would come home with lists of interesting names of the children he taught. I was only mildly reassured by the fact that these children had their English name but also a traditional Hmong name that they used at home. Onward, to the list of those I remember! Chlamydia (her mother didn’t know what it was, simply thought it was a pretty word), Mybrother and Mysister (twins), Firefighter, and my favourite: Insurance.

      Apr 16, 2010 at 1:48 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.23   Heather

      Jhordan Maybe the J is silent, but that doesn’t make it better. Booking kids birthday parties I have learned to bite my tounge.
      My husband got someone mad at him for calling their daughter Leia (spelled Le-a) The childs name was La-dash-iya.
      The mother pointed out the dash is not silent. EPIC FAIL

      Apr 19, 2010 at 6:43 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.24   Canthz_B bang

      Lost in translation, I guess.

      I watched Roots. I can see naming your kid “Kizzy”, but not “Stay put”.

      Lesson: use the word, not the meaning. “Olivia” means “elf army”, would you name your kid “Elf Army Smith”?

      I mean, DAMN!, if Kunta Kinte could figure it out…

      Dumb-asses. :???:

      Apr 20, 2010 at 5:09 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #15   Fanboy Wife

    I can’t wait to see the notes they’ll leave as adults.

    Apr 14, 2010 at 5:58 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #15.1   Blogmella bang

      I guess that might depend on whether the Coroner will let you or not.

      Apr 14, 2010 at 6:40 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

       
    • #15.2   mamason bang

      OK… totally off topic, but Blogmella, your blog is the funniest thing I read while reading your blog! Seriously. Funny.

      P.S. I am a lesbian stalker. ;-)

      Apr 16, 2010 at 6:13 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #16   gladystopia

    I was dramatic at an insanely young age, perhaps predictably. In a precursor to my later dweeby brand of nonconformity, I didn’t even fall into the same bad habits as other toddlers; rather than sucking my thumb, I sucked my index and middle fingers instead. This habit continued into preschool, and evidently it drove my parents stone cold bat-fuck crazy, because they were always, ALWAYS after me about indulging this habit in public. (The worst offense, of course, was to suck one’s fingers IN CHURCH; this was one of the few things I did as a child that were deemed worthy of corporal punishment.)

    Well, there came a time when remarking, reminding, perseverating, harping, and nagging had been entirely exhausted, and when even the oft-threatened, rarely-used Wait-Til-Your-Father-Gets-Home DAD-Administered Spanking had failed to break me of this foul, disgraceful self-abusive habit. And, in the time-honored tradition of those whose cause is so lame that they have run out of methods by which to pursue it honorably, my parents resorted to the ultimate weapon: ridicule.

    And so it was that I walked into the kitchen one evening and found my mother and father standing silently in their accustomed places, each engrossed in their best imitation of four-year-old Gladys–index and middle fingers of one hand in their mouth. It was hard for them to do this properly, however, as they were intent on trying to keep a straight face as well.

    “Stop it,” I said. Nothing happened; they just went on sucking their fingers.

    “I mean it! Stop it!” This demand was less “defiant war-cry” and more “early whine” than I think I was aiming for, and it had as little effect.

    A few more protests yielded the same lack of result; I believe I stamped my foot a few times, and my voice undoubtedly entered that dog-whistle territory only an angry little girl can manage. And finally, I looked at my parents in wounded disgust–two forty-something adults, trying not to laugh as they ganged up on a little four-year-old girl, and I burst into tears. Before I ran away sobbing into my room, though, I delivered my coup de gras, which was to be repeated as One of Those Cute Little Stories for many years:

    “I don’t HAVE a mom and dad anymore!! All I gots NOW is KIDS!!!!”

    Apr 14, 2010 at 6:27 pm   rating: 53  small thumbs up

    • #16.1   mamason bang

      So… um… how is therapy going? :-|

      Apr 14, 2010 at 7:02 pm   rating: 24  small thumbs up

       
    • #16.2   Woman on the Verge bang

      I love you, mamason. I’ve missed you so… and I have thumbed you lovingly.

      Apr 14, 2010 at 7:21 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #16.3   gladystopia

      mamason, curiously enough, I’ve managed to live a calm, productive, well-adjusted life.

      Well, I mean, if you don’t count the heroin addiction….

      Apr 14, 2010 at 10:04 pm   rating: 11  small thumbs up

       
    • #16.4   park rose bang

      I thumbed and stroked her, WotV; gladys, too . . . and, well you. What can I say? Share the love around.

      Apr 14, 2010 at 10:16 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #16.5   infant tyrone bang

      memo: call broker in the morning and go long, very long, on latex futures.

      Apr 15, 2010 at 1:49 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #16.6   mamason bang

      *still purring from the thumb strokes*

      Apr 15, 2010 at 10:33 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #16.7   Mmmmmgood

      I too sucked my index finger as a child…and occasionally as an adult.

      Apr 15, 2010 at 3:27 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #16.8   oi bang

      My sister sucked her thumb when 3-4 years old. My mom used to tape her thumb with a piece of cloth dipped in a foul tasting herbs. She would remove it but my mom was a very patient woman when it came to punishing us. She did it over and over until she forgot to suck the thumb.

      Apr 15, 2010 at 3:54 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #17   veritybrown

    Anyone who doesn’t think these notes are great should not procreate.

    Apr 14, 2010 at 7:20 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

    • #17.1   xyzzy

      Chances are that if they’re like me, they already know that about themselves. ;)

      Apr 14, 2010 at 8:27 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #17.2   park rose bang

      Come on, Verity’s got a rhyme going.

      Anyone who doesn’t think these notes are great,
      Should not procreate or mate,
      Die Intestate,
      Hallucinate
      Dessegregate
      Mediate
      Alleviate
      Try not to hate

      Love your mate
      Don’t suffocate on your own hate
      Designate your love as fate . . .

      Apr 14, 2010 at 10:19 pm   rating: 11  small thumbs up

       
    • #17.3   Luna (the other one)

      Um, wait….

      That sounds familiar. :)

      Apr 14, 2010 at 10:35 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #17.4   park rose bang

      What are your trying to say, alter-Luna?
      Perhaps this?:

      Designate your love as fate
      A one world state
      As human freight
      The number eight
      A white black state
      A gentle trait
      The broken crate
      A heavy weight
      Or just too late
      Like pretty Kate has sex ornate
      Now devastate
      Appreciate
      Depreciate
      Fabricate
      Emulate
      The truth dilate . . .

      Perhaps.
      Sorry, the devil just got inside me and made me kick the ditty out. It’s a sin and hardly original, I know ;) And now I’ve posted way over the boundaries of what could be considered polite and fair. It’s in excess. I know, I know.
      Still got a hankering for that groan button?

      Apr 14, 2010 at 10:46 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
    • #17.5   Luna (the other one)

      Nah, just wondering where that old CD is now. ;)

      Apr 14, 2010 at 10:53 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #18   Denny DelVecchio

    That’s exactly why I bought a shredder several years ago.

    Apr 14, 2010 at 9:51 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #18.1   park rose bang

      To more effectively cut your lettuce?
      To get rid of the evidence the next time Bob the fish springs a leak?

      Apr 14, 2010 at 10:21 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #18.2   mamason bang

      I find a wood chipper works more efficiently when disposing of overly dramatic children. :-|

      8-O Oops. You meant their little notes, didn’t you.

      Apr 15, 2010 at 10:38 am   rating: 10  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #19   Francene

    My son was sent to his room recently, and posted a note, on heart shaped paper,that read “I hate everyone”. He is 8.

    Apr 14, 2010 at 10:15 pm   rating: 23  small thumbs up

    • #19.1   mamason bang

      He is gay.

      Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

      Apr 15, 2010 at 10:39 am   rating: 13  small thumbs up

       
    • #19.2   gladystopia

      Or Francene had a secret tryst with Trent Reznor early in the millenium.

      And there’s absolutely NOTHING wrong with THAT!

      Apr 15, 2010 at 4:16 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #19.3   park rose

      There will be if he starts quoting Nine Inch Nails lyrics.

      Apr 22, 2010 at 5:01 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #20   park rose bang

    Hands down, give me a chronic notewriter any day over a chronic bed wetter.

    Apr 14, 2010 at 10:25 pm   rating: 17  small thumbs up

    • #20.1   Luna (the other one)

      Amen!

      Apr 14, 2010 at 10:35 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #20.2   Canthz_B bang

      Bed wetters do it in mid-stream.

      Apr 14, 2010 at 10:59 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #20.3   infant tyrone bang

      If y’all have any kinds of ‘chronic’ you don’t want, just mail it to me.

      Apr 15, 2010 at 10:54 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #20.4   claw71 bang

      Sadly, the chronic note writers tend to do more than their fair share of wetting the bed. I don’t know if I’d call it chronic, but good luck selling that mattress on craigslist.

      Apr 15, 2010 at 4:21 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #21   Canthz_B bang

    Dearest Eliot,

    If I’ve told you once, I’ve told you a thousand times…“Do not disturb Mommy when she’s with a Jon.”
    I know Bob needs a new tank and am working my ass (off) to raise the funds.
    It’s just that Mommy isn’t as young as she used to be, Honey, she gets paid less and her heroin habit is more expensive than it used to be.

    Love, Aunt Barb Mom

    Apr 14, 2010 at 10:39 pm   rating: 18  small thumbs up

     
  • #22   Dee

    There’s no one more passive aggressive than an indignant child.

    Apr 15, 2010 at 2:47 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

     
  • #23   Methinks bang

    Maybe it’s just me, either one of these notes would’ve gotten me a serious ass-kicking. “Disrespect” (imagined or otherwise) was *not* tolerated in any form in our household.

    Apr 15, 2010 at 7:55 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

     
  • #24   Canthz_B bang

    “From the saddest person in the world”

    Boy! One kid in class gets his Prozac and tells them all how to do it.

    Apr 15, 2010 at 8:26 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

     
  • #25   GhostWriter bang

    “Of course, Mr. HHS Officer, I understand how this looks; our kid would appear to be abused and malnourished, but it’s all an act! Here’s her note- see? She didn’t want any dinner- that’s why she wasn’t given any! I mean, you don’t actually give any credence to her claim that she’s ‘…the saddest person in the world‘, do you?”

    Apr 15, 2010 at 8:49 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

     
  • #26   Duncan

    No offense intended but the 2nd note seems appalling handwriting for a nine year old. I’m not sure how the American system works in comparison, but by 9 in Scotland he would have almost finished primary school (P5, with P7 being the final year) and would be expected to write like an adult by the time he made it to High School. That’s how I wrote when I was 5!

    Apr 15, 2010 at 9:15 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #26.1   infant tyrone bang

      Compared to your experience, the American system is barely a system.
      In my old hometown district in California, cursive starts at 3rd grade.

      At the risk of triggering audio flashbacks of Girls Talk,
      You may not be an old-fashioned girl
      But you’re gonna get dated

      I recall tracing cursive letters in Kindergarten in 1956 *in Japan*.

      US education has gone so overboard in generally promoting and cherishing individuality at the expense of commonality that the only
      thing missing in the Babel comparison these days is the Tower.

      Apr 15, 2010 at 10:04 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #26.2   mamason bang

      My expeerients with the amuracan scholl sistom have leaded me too homescholl my littelest wun.

      Apr 15, 2010 at 10:45 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #26.3   infant tyrone bang

      Flash-read that as “amuracan school sitcom”.
      How mind the funny works.

      Apr 15, 2010 at 10:58 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #26.4   claw71 bang

      Hey, Duncan, I agree that the penmanship exhibited in the second note is lacking, even for a 9-year-old. I made that point to a some degree earlier.

      I don’t take offense to your assertion that this child’s education maybe lacking. Perhaps his school has sacrificed the handwriting segment of the language arts battery, maybe his fingers are malformed from too many hours on the Playstation, or perhaps his parents are too busy having orgies in the back yard to supplement Eliot’s education. Who knows?

      What bothers me about your post is how glowingly you speak of your education in Scotland. I have no reason to doubt you, but I am left to wonder at what juncture during the process does the Scottish education system derail?

      No offense intended, but Scotland is not regarded as a bastion of higher education. I dare say Scotland is rather like the Alabama of the British empire. Better accents, of course, but lots of inbreeding, poor dental care and a everybody is a little too affectionate with the livestock.

      Apr 15, 2010 at 11:56 am   rating: 12  small thumbs up

       
    • #26.5   park rose bang

      Better accents in Scotland? Yeah, right. That’s why they need such good handwriting. You can’t understand a bleedin’ word that comes out of their mouth ;) and some of my best friends are Scottish, I’ll have you know.

      Apr 15, 2010 at 1:34 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #26.6   mamason bang

      The boys wear skirts.

      Apr 15, 2010 at 2:31 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #26.7   Russian

      Maybe YOU just don’t know anything about Scotland. St Andrews ring a bell?

      Apr 15, 2010 at 4:22 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #26.8   park rose

      I thought he slew a dragon. Wait, that was George, right? Slew’s such a wonderful word, ain’t it?

      Apr 16, 2010 at 2:05 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #26.9   marcopuffin bang

      No offense, Duncan, but if you were so well educated in Scotland, why aren’t you spelling that “offence”…

      Apr 19, 2010 at 4:03 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #27   Foxy J

    Something does seem a little off about that second kid, I don’t know that I would be broadcasting that.

    I know you guys get lame shout outs like this from a million first time posters, but this site has changed my life. My husband doesn’t even bother to ask anymore when I randomly burst out laughing because he knows I’m going to say something like “muscle milk.” I am hoping to inspire a note of my own, ideally at one of the quickie-marts in Freeport, TX: “to who is Driving around during lunch time listening to weird Music and “LAUGHING to yourself” Get Help you need it!!!!!!!!”

    Apr 15, 2010 at 12:55 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

     
  • #28   Jamie

    When I was 4, I had a row with my mum and stalked to my room to write “I HATE MUMMY” on my etch-a-sketch.

    My dad, ever so old-fashioned, saw it and went purple. My mum saw it and also went purple.

    But whilst my dad was purple with anger, my mum was purple trying not to laugh, at my message and my dad’s (over-) reaction.

    Thirty years later, she still brings this up if we ever disagree on the phone. And she still can’t keep a straight face.

    Apr 15, 2010 at 1:02 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

     
  • #29   park rose

    Bob the fish just wanted to experience a bit of life before he renewed his vows to the neverending, always renewing, never remembered life of a fish swimming ever piously. Rumsprunga, it’s called in the Piscean world.

    Apr 15, 2010 at 1:22 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

     
  • #30   TippingCows

    If I were the parent of the first note’s writer, I’d have made sure to have hot fudge sundaes for dinner.

    Apr 15, 2010 at 4:35 pm   rating: 16  small thumbs up

    • #30.1   Blogmella bang

      That is genius.

      May 8, 2010 at 6:42 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #31   MaeT

    I don’t know if this is what you had asked for when you were 6, but you should send it to your mom and say “I’m still waiting…”

    http://cgi.ebay.com/MY-LITTLE-PONY-G3-FRILLY-FROCKS-SEWING-MACHINE-LOT_W0QQitemZ350340596278QQcmdZViewItemQQptZLH_DefaultDomain_0?hash=item5191ed4236

    Apr 16, 2010 at 10:37 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #31.1   Luna (the other one)

      Which would be awesomely passive-aggressive!!!!

      Apr 16, 2010 at 11:43 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #32   Rae

    When my brother and I were growing up we weren’t allowed to scream. If we were outside we could yell and shout, but there was no screaming unless our “arm was cut off and we were bleeding profusely.” This was actually really clever, because then if we did scream my mom knew it was something really bad and she needed to come running. These parents might consider adopting such a rule, for their own auditory pleasure and so if their child cut his arm off and is bleeding profusely, they’ll know not to ignore his screams.

    Apr 17, 2010 at 2:27 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

     
  • #33   Heather

    Jhordan Maybe the J is silent, but that doesn’t make it better. Booking kids birthday parties I have learned to bite my tounge.
    My husband got someone mad at him for calling their daughter Leia (spelled Le-a) The childs name was La-dash-iya.
    The mother pointed out the dash is not silent. EPIC FAIL

    Apr 19, 2010 at 6:31 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #34   Truth

    Oh my gosh, I really hope you all are being sarcastic. If not, it’s time some of you get a sense of humor!

    This is so typical child behavior. When I was younger, I used to write notes like these to my parents all the time, letting them know I was fed up with them and I was moving out until I found my real parents. I’d even get old boxes and set them up outside our apartment and drag out blankets and steal some food. Then it was dinner and I had to go back inside.

    When you’re young, every little thing is a major crisis. My point is yeah, they’re being overdramatic, but they’ll outgrow it. These kids and their parents will look back on this and laugh. It’s cute and relatively harmless. Try not to take it so seriously!

    And for goodness sakes, don’t get all worked up over a 9 year old boy’s writing! We’re talking a fourth grader here, not a college student.

    May 8, 2010 at 6:21 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

     
  • #35   Funniest (not necessarily passive-aggressive) notes of 2010 | PassiveAggressiveNotes.com

    [...] My terrible, horrible, no good, very bad parents [...]

    Dec 31, 2010 at 6:12 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #36   The 29 Most Passive Aggressive People Of All Time | Sharing Interesting Stuff, Updates News & Free Tips

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    Jun 5, 2014 at 8:11 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #37   ???29????????????? | 131

    […] passiveaggressivenotes.com Olivia Cuéllar 午後5時04分の6月5日 私は、#5で、ケイティの両親が「あなたが選ぶスケール」を明記する方法が好きです。 それは、彼らの寛大さを本当に強調します。 Betty Lo 午後9時57分の6月5日 私は、悪意とうまさに対する欲求からお金でいくつかのベーコン・チーズバーガーと余分の濃いミルクセーキを買ったと言って返事を書きます Lisa Smith 16時間前 私は、それを確実にするために、結婚式から彼らを非招待します、彼らは『失望しませんでした』 Jayme Stephens 19時間前 # 1つは、ちょうど私をいらいらさせます。 それは、向こうに受動的である積極的です(つまり感情的な強要)。 Lizzie Rickard 16時間前 ああ、私は受動的な積極的なメモが嫌いです! 私は常に彼らを仕事中にします、そして、私には彼らに手紙を書くルームメートがいました。 彼女は、『ために人は誰カウンターのコーヒーカップを去った』と書きます。 雌、それは家のちょうど私とあなたです? あなたは、カップが誰が所有していると思いますか? 彼女はコーヒーを飲みませんでした、そして、私はそれをすすいで、後でそれを使うことによってコーヒーカップを再利用します。 それは、誰のカップですか?? 私は各々の調子の後彼女に立ち向かって、彼女のクソをやめるように彼女に言います。 彼女は、ようやく出て行きました。 異常。 仕事中の人は、より悪いです! 思い出させるものメモは、完全にすばらしいです。 しかし、『スタッフにその』を言っている1つ … (空白の)』Cant人々は、彼らがひどく怒っている人は誰にでも、ちょうど彼らの大きい女の子パンティと来られた話を引き上げます? Sophie La Ghash 12時間前 あなたに全く賛成してください。 我々が本稿を見ることができて、彼らの何人かを笑うことができる間、実際は、メモ-文書は私を実際に、より受動的な攻撃的人さえいらいらさせたくさせます。 そのようなメモによって対象とされるならば、私はちょうど自転車泥棒がそうしたことを現在します ― まじめに彼らのメモをとっているが、実際にふるまいを変えていないことを示唆するイライラさせる方向で彼らに返事をする。 私が何でも盗むというわけではないと、ちょうどあなたは知っています … 『これらの明りは、自分自身をうんざりさせません』、または、そういったもの Mallory Douge 午後8時37分の6月5日 「6。 幸運な500の会社」えーという声 … あれを編集したいかもしれません。 つまり、さあ。 「フォーチュン」は、あなたが結んだイメージの中にさえいます! Dominic Samaroo 19時間前 私は、それがしゃれであったかもしれないと思います … Mallory Douge 19時間前 Poorlyに、それから、実行されるドミニクSamaroo。 i-love-はしゃれを言います! しかし、はい … それが1であるならば、これは足の不自由です … Angela Tucker Hilliker 19時間前 それで、#21を書いた人は、彼らを洗って、彼らを水切りラックに入れることの間で、食器をすすぎませんか? Eeewww。 Aishwarya Lahiri 午前12時29分の昨日 ねえ、#1であなたにぶつかった唯一のものが受動的である積極的であるならば、私はあなたで泣きます。 Sophie La Ghash 12時間前 慈善団体は、支えて、寄付する人々をつかまえるために、感情的な恐喝を使ってはいけません。 あなたは、何かあるとすれば、意図を徐々にむしばむ、そのような受動的な攻撃的態度なしで子供たちを飢えさせる事実をハイライトすることができます-それは人々に慈善心(罪の意識よりもむしろ)から惜し気なく、そして、喜んで与える(そして、そうし続けます)ことを説得することになっています。 Rachel Gonzalez 午前8時02分の昨日 私は、#18で全く元気です。 つまり、正確にあなたが車が駐車場にあまりによいと思うために得るもの!! また、出来事#22は何ですか? どこで、あなたは、冷蔵庫が知らない人と何らかの公共の場にあることを送りますか? Kayla Groth 19時間前 私は、それが勤務先の冷蔵庫であったと思っています。 私は、我々がそのように大きい冷蔵庫を持っていた場所で働いたものです。 人々は、彼らのブレーク/昼食の間、ある週の初めに、飲物/軽食を持ち込みます。 我々は、常にそんなことに関して名前を書きました。 Kristen Hatten 19時間前 仕事中でありえました? 彼らは、1階または何かの上で共有冷蔵庫を持っているかもしれません。 Alicia Lynn Abrams 19時間前 おそらくbreakroomの彼らの仕事で? 彼らがブレークに関しているまで、どこで、人々は彼ら自身の昼食を持ち込んで、それを保存する場所を必要としますか? Jay Yen 午後7時09分の6月5日 わあ、メモのいくつかは、驚異的な手書きを持ちます。 Andrea Boe 午後4時40分の6月5日 しかし、本当に、#6。 Samantha Louise Fulcher 午後9時59分の6月5日 本稿は、私を私が得点したことを誇りとしているようにします、載って「あなたは非常に受動的である攻撃的です」「あなたは、どれくらい受動的か攻撃的ですか?」クイズ。 Sophie La Ghash 12時間前 それは誇りに思う何かでありません-メモによって人々に立ち向かうことは少し臆病で弱いようです。 Adrian Brassell 10時間前 私は、両方ともします.. 私は、あなたの顔に、そして、メモであなたに言います。 人々は、失われた行儀と他の人に対する尊敬を振ります。 我々は、自身中心のNationです。 ジャークであってください、そして、あなたは裏で提供するものを得ます。 私は、確かに臆病者でありません。 しかし、いつか、ばかなものとの対立は、ちょうどしゃくにさわるTOOです。 Sophie La Ghash 9時間前 エイドリアンBrassell Iは、ばかでありません … あなたが化粧用looooolへ行くとき、あなたのメモを散らかし続けて、誰でも彼らの背中でののしるオフィスc*ntであってください […]

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  • #40   Here Are The 20 Most Passive Aggressive Notes Ever Left. #6 Is Much Deserved… LOL. | sooziQ

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