Biebermania claims another innocent victim

April 15th, 2010 · 126 comments

“My grandmother has been telling my brother that his hair is too long for forever now,” our submitter in Texas writes, “and whenever she criticized his long hair, he’d tell her it was ‘in style.’”  Hello, loophole! Today Grandma left this clipping on the fridge for her grandson to find.

Seth-This was the boy's cut that is supposed to be the 'IN-CUT' now. Why don't you try it & surprise me while I'm gone!

(By the way, if you’ve managed to avoid contact with the tween set lately and had no idea that this Justin Bieber character is supposedly “the world’s biggest pop star” — you’re not alone.)

And Grandma, if Seth doesn’t take the hint, maybe you’ll have to try Star Magazine‘s trick?

related: The overly-friendly coworker: ruining your day since you held the door for her that one time

extra credit: Lesbians Who Look Like Justin Bieber

The Justin Bieber Guide for Old People []

Justin Bieber’s “hair trick” [youtube]

FILED UNDER: a matter of taste · family · Grandma · hair · Texas · unsolicited feedback · visual aids

126 responses so far ↓

  • #1   Sean Jungian

    SNL was the first I’d heard of this girl.

    Apr 15, 2010 at 4:51 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #1.1   Luna (the other one)

      Unfortunately, I’ve already known about Justin Beieber 100% longer than I wanted to. I’m the parent of a girl between the ages of 6 and 13 so I’m being Biebered to death. :P

      Apr 15, 2010 at 5:00 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #1.2   MAMARILLA2 bang

      Bieber-fever has a cure..

      Apr 15, 2010 at 5:10 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #1.3   Luna (the other one)

      You have to kill the head Bieber before the transformation is complete?

      Apr 15, 2010 at 5:28 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #1.4   maceelaine bang

      More cow-lick.

      Apr 15, 2010 at 5:58 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #1.5   molly ringwald

      i hate justin bieber. where are the quality teen sensations like hanson?! they just don’t make ‘em like they used to… sigh….

      Apr 17, 2010 at 12:30 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #2   Woman on the Verge bang

    Yeah, whenever I wanted style tips as a teen, I went straight to Grandma.

    Apr 15, 2010 at 4:59 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #2.1   TheOldSchool bang

      WotV, if I could thumb you more without your husband beating the shit out of me, I would.

      Apr 16, 2010 at 12:37 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #2.2   park rose bang

      Yeah, whenever I wanted to peer into the belly of the beast, I went straight to Grandma. What big teeth she had.

      Apr 16, 2010 at 12:41 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #2.3   Blogmella bang

      I don’t dress like my grandma on the surface but I do wear big comfy knickers that come up to my armpits.

      Apr 16, 2010 at 3:39 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #2.4   infant tyrone bang

      Successfully resisted the urge to post YT links to Sam the Sham’s and The Big Bopper’s versions of Little Red Riding Hood…..Death Cake, please.

      Apr 16, 2010 at 3:46 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #2.5   Luna (the other one)

      Hurray for big comfy knickers!!!! or (as we say in the U.S. – Granny Panties) I’m wearing a pair right now and they are hawt! LOL

      Apr 16, 2010 at 5:50 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #2.6   mamason bang

      Oh yeah! Rockin’ teh granny panties! :lol:

      Apr 16, 2010 at 10:57 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #2.7   Woman on the Verge bang

      Thanks, TOS. It’s the thought that counts.

      Granny panties? Seriously? Please.

      Apr 16, 2010 at 1:02 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #3   MAMARILLA2 bang

    Poor Justin Bieber, everyone picks on her..

    Apr 15, 2010 at 4:59 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #4   jfruh

    My own deceased grandmother would be horrified that this mop-top is some kind of baseline for a “short” haircut these days. You can’t see his ears or his forehead! Give that kid a haircut like they do in the army if you want him to look respectable.

    Apr 15, 2010 at 5:02 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #4.1   MAMARILLA2 bang

      High and tight.

      Apr 15, 2010 at 5:06 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #4.2   infant tyrone bang

      High and tight now translates to “baked and faced”.

      Apr 15, 2010 at 6:03 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #4.3   Z

      Wooo I though high and tight referred to genitalia. I gots to get my mind out of the gutter.

      Apr 15, 2010 at 6:56 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #4.4   Jonathan

      No, it does, and it would be an accurate and applicable sense were Bieber merely a dildo with ears.

      Apr 15, 2010 at 10:20 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #4.5   AuntyBron

      Well, he is a teenager with girls crawling all over him…

      Apr 15, 2010 at 11:59 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #4.6   TheOldSchool bang

      My grandmother’s generation didn’t need pharmaceutical companies to provide them with stress relief.

      If my Grandma Lola saw this Bieber boy’s haircut, she’d be so disgusted that she probably would hobble out to her garage, partially disrobe, and then begin slamming the door of her dark blue 1949 Buick repeatedly on to the shaft of her erect penis.

      Tension adjudicated, she’d summonall of us kids into the kitchen for servings of her favorite dessert: home-made Jell-O, topped off with big scoops of Cool Whip and a few arthritic handfuls of her own top-secret, mystery sprinkles. Mmmm Mmmm. Meaty goodness.

      Grandma was more than a woman to me. She took great delight in surprising people with unexpected surprises.

      My love for her today is still as deep as her voice was then.

      Rest in Bieber-Free Peace, Grandma.

      Apr 16, 2010 at 4:44 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #4.7   Luna (the other one)

      Wow, TOS, that explains quite a lot….

      Apr 16, 2010 at 5:52 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #5   QuarterRoy00 bang

    Can’t we just cut the Bieber instead?

    Apr 15, 2010 at 5:05 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #5.1   MAMARILLA2 bang

      “Ward, weren’t you a little hard on the Bieber.”

      Apr 15, 2010 at 5:08 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #5.2   H for Toy bang

      Mamarilla, I will probably giggle about that comment all night!

      Apr 15, 2010 at 7:00 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #5.3   Canthz_B bang

      “June, I thought you liked it rough.”

      Apr 15, 2010 at 7:46 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #5.4   gladystopia

      Pepsi/nose high-pressure ejection event complete.

      Keyboard FAIL…

      Apr 15, 2010 at 11:49 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #6   Rachel

    I’m rather surprised Justin Bieber is getting credit for this look, as I’ve seen it on the heads of my emo/nouveau-punk students for several years now. Boys, girls…the cut knows no gender limitations. How 21st century of it.

    Apr 15, 2010 at 5:06 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #6.1   infant tyrone bang

      Maybe Ver.21C of the Mary Lou Retton or Dorothy Hamill Olympics do, without their signature provocative forehead-skin peek-a-boo ?

      *completely different from Picabo Street’s look.

      Apr 15, 2010 at 6:13 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #7   Woman on the Verge bang

    Holy shit! Now I get it! That’s a picture of Hilary Swank from Boys Don’t Cry!

    This explains so much.

    Apr 15, 2010 at 5:10 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #7.1   Sean Jungian

      Hate to be a neigh-sayer, but Bieber is prettier than Swank.

      Apr 15, 2010 at 5:13 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #7.2   H for Toy bang

      Yes, speaking of horses and Hilary Swank… Oh yeah, that’s it.

      Apr 15, 2010 at 6:59 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #7.3   Sean Jungian

      you saw what I did there!

      Apr 15, 2010 at 11:15 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #7.4   Luna (the other one)

      Groan Button, where are you when I need you!?!

      Apr 15, 2010 at 11:21 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #8   Dave bang

    That hair was freakin’ delicious!

    Apr 15, 2010 at 5:14 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #8.1   Fridge Pirate


      Apr 16, 2010 at 4:34 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #8.2   park rose bang

      Yet others think it was frayed and worn from over-exposure.

      Apr 16, 2010 at 5:03 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #9   Pockets

    That kid really freaks me out.

    Apr 15, 2010 at 5:24 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #10   Escape Goat

    Oh great, the bowl cut is back. I blame the economy.

    Apr 15, 2010 at 5:29 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #10.1   sleeps

      You’re supposed to blame everything on Obama now. Did you not get the memo?

      Apr 15, 2010 at 8:39 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #11   Odious

    Sheesh, unless Grandma is over 100 years old, she was a young person when we went through this in 1964 with the Beatles (and a hundred times since). Does she ever leave the house? Or did she just wake up from a 50-yr coma?

    Apr 15, 2010 at 5:32 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #11.1   MAMARILLA2 bang

      David Cassidy, Bobby Goldsboro, even Glen Cambell…Come on people, there is nothing new under the sun.

      Apr 15, 2010 at 5:43 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #11.2   infant tyrone bang

      Check Granny’s note. She’s recommending the Bieber do.
      The brother has looong hair.

      Too bad, too…I had an idea for a nice Grandma as Rip Van Winkle sketch, with her getting over-toked with a bunch of bowling hippies and sleeping through at least the Reagan years. Maybe someone with a flair for flouting decorum will take the hint and turn Granny into a bit player in a PAN update of Sleepy Hollow…maybe she’ll be a cycle-mama crony of a hog-riding Ichabod Crane, AKA The Headless (W)horseman. Or sumpin’.

      Apr 15, 2010 at 6:50 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #11.3   Sean Jungian

      I would pay cash money to see either of these concepts made. Particularly the re-envisioning of Sleepy Hollow.

      Make it happen, people. My crisp $10 bill awaits your creativity.

      Apr 16, 2010 at 10:00 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #11.4   TheOldSchool bang


      The money you’re offering has everyone salivating, but the concept you want depicted on the big screen is too epic for a three hour film.

      Here’s a compromise: We make a film about a guy who is asleep during the entire two and a half years of Gerald Ford’s presidency.

      When he wakes, he learns to his horror that he has missed out on two of the most cataclysmic events in history (as it pertains to mid-70s U.S. governmental studies under the Ford Administration, anyway).

      Sean, just imagine a camera close-up that captures the startled look on Mr. Van Winkle’s face when he realizes that he slept through both:

      “Campaign Reform Law” (1974)
      and the “Helsinki Agreement” (1975)!

      That is the point that the main character realizes that he’s not in Kansas anymore. His life, up until August 1974 was just the black and white portion of his experience. Waking up in January 1977 things is, for him, like landing in Oz. (There’s even a new white guy in the White House!)

      Bottom line, Sean: admittedly, it’ll be tough as the weathered tits of a nudist colony gran to tell this story (cinematically, at least) in under 180 minutes, but, depending on how fast we speed up the film as it plays in each cinema’s projector, we can do it.

      PS, I haven’t discussed this with infant tyrone yet, but don’t worry, he’ll be on board. I think that this might be an opportunity for the two of us to bond with one another. Skip stones into lakes. Take rusty chainsaws to the trunks of ancient trees in order to fashion crudely done “outsider art-type” sculptures that may or may not vaguely resemble bears. (We’re the outsiders’ outsiders.) At night, we’ll get whacked out on trailer park drugs and cheap whiskey, then go careening into town in our motorized vehicle — Thin Lizzy crankin’, shirts off, nipples pert, poised, and slicing through the summer’s eve like dart. Good times? We let’s just say we’ll be playin’ our chainsaws like they was just invisible air guitars and/or banjos with sharp metal teeth.

      Apr 16, 2010 at 12:25 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #11.5   infant tyrone bang

      Whew, TOS…where to start ?
      On board, yeah buddy !
      I’m into B+W and color, bo’f'em…so no preferred entry point there.
      Maybe just start at the end and work back up the line.

      Playing banjos with metal teeth…
      I’m picturing Richard Kiel doing a Hillbilly Hendrix impression in a cabin somewhere (a trailer would work, but a double-wide would be too upscale and a single would present logistical problems for the camera crew, so) with Deliverance-inspired relatives swilling ‘shine from stereotypical ceramic jugs and popping pills from a mason jar which is labeled “Oxycontin” in large-font Magic Marker (maybe insert a dream/flashback sequence to show the markers being bought in a 2-3 pack at a 99¢ store, with a tight shot focusing on “Made in China”, followed by a shot of Kiel at a computer reading about the so called epidemic of “urban youth” opting for the Chinese variety due to the presence of various mystery toxins beyond the aromatic hydrocarbons that are the motivation for the national obsession with “huffing ink”, which gives us the opportunity to have a CSI-ish MD, taking his/her gloves off after having completed an autopsy of one such youth, toss off the line, “Well, Jimmy, we can chalk up another one to a ‘Chinese roulette’ overdose” while a CNN/Fox crawl-line recapitulates his quip in text after the lead-in of “Meanwhile, at the “huff-ink-ton post…”) and in smaller, thinner, jagged-font printing (drawn by a Sharpie or foreign equivalent) “the days ’til Pappy gits home from the pen”. Of course, if the mason jar-ink thing has to go, we can can the jugs and have the clan drinking out of mason jars, y’know, for verisimilitude (gotta keep up our street cred, even if, or maybe especially if, the street’s an unpaved one).
      Well, I can see this might run a little long…and WotV has probably already got your attention, so I’ll put a few more tidbits in @ 11.7 or soon thereafter.

      Apr 16, 2010 at 12:53 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #11.6   Woman on the Verge bang

      TOS, can I meet you on the casting couch? I love to flout my decorum.

      Apr 16, 2010 at 12:59 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #11.7   infant tyrone bang

      So, working backwards to air-guitar chainsaws…I saw a guy on a TV show (maybe The Tonight Show, but if not, something similar) juggle a bowling ball, a hatchet, and a working chainsaw (must have taped down or otherwise compromised the safety feature). Lets just find that guy and put him in the movie.
      If you’re that much into tree sculpture, here’s an idea…
      we do the sculpture like you described (or sub it out to pros, since I probably sculpt worse than I draw), then we digitally edit out the saws and run it backwards, maybe we edit in some mage robes from a recognizable, successful MMORPG (gotta maximize the product placement revenue…wanna go indie that’s OK with me, but I’d rather make tons of $$) and show the scene as us or somebody creating the tree. These are just concepts…no major investment here…maybe I’ve seen that liquid and glass shards flying up to become a nice, tall glass of milk thing too many times.

      Sooo, except for Thin Lizzy (see below) and some stone skipping (let’s do bottle rockets into the lake, too…it’s a treat on a moonless night), we’re up to the main story.

      I’m OK with the Ford idea. But…what if Granny was a 60′s bomb-throwing radical survivor who is already well advanced in her plans to come out of retirement in the late 80′s because she gets to feelin’ like Billy Jack every time she sees Lee Atwater on the tube, but gets together with some other BTRS’s for a 20-year reunion party and mixes a couple of designer drugs and appears to snooze off for the next decade or so ? But, while everybody else (in the movie) thinks she’s in a coma, the audience is in on the fact that she can see, hear, and think (but just not talk or move enough to communicate) while she’s watching the steady waxing of Karl Rove’s star on the hospital TV ? I haven’t thought out when to have her wake up and switch her affections to Atwater’s star pupil, or whether or not to have her blow things/people up (thanks, SCTV), but you can see the possibilities are as wide open as the Republican party professes to want to become.
      I realize that this would probably limit our audience to roughly 0.5 to 0.65 of the political spectrum, but is Michael Moore going broke making his films ? I don’t know his CPA, but I doubt he’s hurting.

      Back edit: Sorry, where were my manners ?
      So interesting to hear about your family…what was/is G’paw like ?

      Apr 16, 2010 at 2:10 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #11.8   Woman on the Verge bang

      Hi, ty. TOS is ignoring me. I believe in your film. Really, I do… will you cast me as the marker sniffing chick with a heart of gold?

      Apr 16, 2010 at 3:23 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #11.9   infant tyrone bang

      As long as you realize that insurance suits will keep us from using actual markers and that we can’t even bring our home ink stash to the set (imagine the fecal-mist-storm if TMZ gets a pic of any of us holding one of those refill-your-inkjet-cartridge-at-home sized syringes), well, as Gene Simmons said to Diana Ross after the legal disclaimers had been acknowledged and consented to, “OK, welcome to the team.”

      The foregoing was just to emphasize the outré bandwidth we’re hoping to span artistically, y’unnerstan’ ? If TOS @ #2.1 is based on any potential serious concerns, I’m sure we’ll be able to proffer some sort of consulting position or performing role to hubby (but we’ll expect your confidential input, as you’re undoubtedly a better judge of whether to go with one or the other of these). I don’t see money being a problem, as I foresee just the initial treatment for this project getting us a no-strings MacArthur grant.

      If your schedule permits, maybe you’d like to do multiple roles ?
      Not suggesting anything as multiplexed or campy as Tony Randall’s
      tour de force in The Seven Faces of Dr. Lao, but maybe something
      along the lines of good/bad twins.

      Maybe TOS will get back to you soon. I suspect he is already in heated, if not steamy, negotiations with deep-pocketed potential patrons.
      Or maybe the idea of you flouting has him disturbed (but not in a bad way) enough to need a little privacy for a little while.
      I’d like to think that my comments were so interesting to him that he had trouble taking them all in (not in that way), but he probably digested them in the blink of an eye (I suspect he’s quite visual) and is pondering on how to push the edges of this little envelope even further.

      Apr 16, 2010 at 4:04 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #11.10   Woman on the Verge bang

      I am taking TOS’s silence as a criticism of my flouting. While I am confident that I have the essential acting skills to take on the good twin/bad twin roles, I’m afraid that his lack of confidence in me does not bode well for my future with this project. I’m afraid that I may have to flout my decorum elsewhere…

      Apr 16, 2010 at 9:48 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #11.11   infant tyrone bang

      I’m sure it was more my ideas of Hillbilly Hendrix and Hillbilly Heroin that drove him to remain incommunicado this long. Maybe he was involved in 4-H in school and those things added up to some sort of sacrilegious proposal.

      Well, that or he might have had a dentist appointment.
      Or some sort of fixation on Richard Kiel (or, heavens…Atwater or Rove). We all have our individual twitchy neurocircuits.

      I hope he returns soon and displays enough interest for you to change your mind, but if not, I’m sure you’ll find an appropriate flouting outlet.
      Rest assured, you’ve got an audience in either case.

      Apr 16, 2010 at 10:56 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #11.12   TheOldSchool bang

      Gosh … here I was staring into space, thinking about whether or not I should clip my toenails, when I remembered that in Hollywood, no one cuts his own toe nails. There they have “fluffers” for that stuff.

      Hollywood. The Film Industry. The Dream Factory. High Concepts. Casting Couches. Well-Fluffed Toenails….

      Then I remembered young Sean Jungian’s promise to essentially bankroll whatever we wanted to throw up onto the big screen.

      Earlier today I was fortunate to have happened upon a young sapling of a concept. Something about it (and the offer of money) captured my imagination, so I knelt beside it and lovingly dumped a shitload of star-kissed manure upon it, not knowing or even daring to imagine what I might find upon my return.

      I’m not one who normally feels the need to masturbate whenever I happen upon a concept that is so obviously pure and heartfelt that my gut and my cock can’t shut up about urging me to go and have a victory tug. But this time, I couldn’t fight it. The enthusiasm I felt for the enthusiasm voiced by I.T. and WotV is now splattered and drying upon my office wall.

      (If you ever get opportunity to look at it closely, you won’t be able to deny that one little globlet is the squirting image of a young Jimmy Durante, shot in profile.)

      I.T., WotV, it looks to me like Sean Jungian has just stamped our passports to wonderland. Let’s not let him down.

      Apr 17, 2010 at 1:49 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #11.13   Woman on the Verge bang

      TOS, you sweet talker, you and IT let me know when I can come…. for an audition.

      Apr 17, 2010 at 9:34 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #11.14   infant tyrone bang

      Whether it comes out of the Hollywood womb/cocoon as a comedy,
      noir drama, or some slouching hybrid (what rough new beast of a
      category might be spawned?), I’m as confident as a well fluffed John Holmes used to be that Young Seth will not regret his investment.

      I wonder, though, if his “$10 bill” translates into 10 million (Hollywood finance slang) or 10 thousand (Mob finance slang, cf. Prizzi’s Honor).
      Obviously, this detail will have an enormous impact on casting,
      set design, location, and maybe even the overall storyline and plot.

      TOS, hope your victory tug (TOSsing yourself off) was glorious.
      By the time this blockbuster comes out (I see a Xmas release titled
      The Second Coming, regardless of storyline…it’s just too juicy to pass
      up or passover), all the hoopla surrounding Mel Gibson’s Passion will seem like the tiny ripples in a toilet bowl just after it stops refilling.

      Not sure how the Yeats estate would feel about linking to his poem,
      but I know some of this guy’s old running buddies and am sure we won’t get any flack for this clip, especially as it dovetails so cutely with your office romance.

      P.S. Next time, maybe better to target a tortilla, an open faced cheese sandwich, or even a cinnamon roll. More likely to generate buzz in the prudish mainstream media. They won’t know the difference if you palm it off as Creme Royale…which, in a sense, it is. Not sure if you have much control over this end of it, but Jimmy Durante’s a fairly dated icon.
      If you’re restricted to that age bracket, maybe try for Mickey Rooney,
      as there you at least have the multiple-marriage connection. If you can do more contemporary images, maybe L. Gaga or J. Weir ? Built-in buzz!

      Ciao Bela !

      Apr 17, 2010 at 12:29 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #11.15   Woman on the Verge bang

      Where is Seth, our wayward financier? I need to find out more about my wardrobe budget.

      Apr 17, 2010 at 1:23 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #11.16   Woman on the Verge bang

      Do think Sean will check in soon? I want him to approve my wardrobe budget.

      Apr 17, 2010 at 1:26 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #11.17   infant tyrone bang

      I think it depends on the answer to the financial jargon question.

      If it’s Hollywood, he’s probably bplowing thru the back 40 grams,
      and we’ll be lucky to see him by Monday.

      If it’s Mob, he’ll more than likely be back just as soon as the concrete sets.

      Apr 17, 2010 at 2:03 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #11.18   TheOldSchool bang

      Knowing Sean like I do, I sense that he would be offended by having his name attached to anything that wasn’t mega-classy .

      After Jimmy did Avatar, the money game changed. $10 is now shorthand for ten billion. It makes sense.

      The easy part of our task will be: banging out the screenplay, scouting exotic locales, and banging out the cast.

      But, seeing how Sean is going to want to make a big, bold splash with his first foray into film producing, I think we should push ourselves a bit harder than we would if he was, say, just another putz with a big nose and a fat wallet.

      3-D? Don’t make me laugh. Yesterday’s news.

      It’s time for 4-D!

      “All for one! One 4-D!”

      The beauty of being the first to shoot a feature in 4-D is that we will not only be fully embracing and inserting ourselves into the future — but the past and present, as well.

      This will likely necessitate the ingestion of massive quantities of drugs.

      Do either of you have a prob….

      I didn’t think so.

      Buy as much as you think you’ll need. You both know who to bill.

      Apr 17, 2010 at 5:48 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #11.19   Woman on the Verge bang

      Oh, yeah, baby. I’m going shopping!

      Apr 17, 2010 at 6:17 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #11.20   Woman on the Verge bang

      That’s all I needed to hear. I’m going shopping. Tell Sean I’m running him a tab at Victoria’s Secret.

      Apr 17, 2010 at 6:19 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #11.21   TheOldSchool bang

      Me, too! I love how their panty hose give extra oomph and eye appeal to my butt.

      Apr 17, 2010 at 7:12 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #11.22   infant tyrone bang

      Hey y’all,
      Mega-classy, indeed.
      Pretty sure that the Jungian pedigree would allow our man Sean to see right through any mind games we might devise to try to distract him while we tried to steer the project into areas that he might consider declassé.

      Apropos of “declassé”, I propose “Class-E Productions” as the name of our production company. This tickles memory storage areas related to both pharmaceuticals and felonies. We’re pretty much on Front Street about drugs taken by the creative staff and recommended for the viewing audience. We can spin the felony wheel a couple of ways. First, it may be feasible to hire only actors (and crew) who have been arrested for Class-E felonies. Also, we can say we use low-level technical cheats/workarounds in the making of this smash, but not give out any details. Speaking of Avatar and technical cheats, we may be able to get great buzz by shooting on plain old film but claiming to have spent so much on CGA effects that we have come up with an “indistinguishable from real life”, cyber-photorealistic movie. Sean’s a finance guy, so he probably wouldn’t be able to tell the difference, and even if he figured it out, he’d be reluctant to go public, if only because it would be embarrassing and financially painful.

      4-D Vision, it’s the Coming Thing !
      (Shades of Russ Meyer…oh, wait, that was 44-DD Vision.)
      Drugs would seem to be a natural for this, but we might need to go with a huge batch of a one-off designer compound. Pretty sure yage and ayahuasca mixtures are illegal anywhere there are enough people for a movie theater to make financial sense. Salvia divinorum is still legal many places, but it is limited to a high time of about 30 minutes like the DMT experience it mimics. We don’t want to have a 90 minute feature with 2 smoke-break intermissions…well, I wouldn’t mind it much, but a theater operator’d go nuts with the logistics. I’ll check in with my local curandero about a longer-acting substance. With the shape the economy’s in, we might be able to get some unemployable Chemistry PhD. candidate to cook us up a novel molecule on spec, as long as we promised him/her an exclusive relationship once the movie is ready for release. I know Sean’s not worried about being linked to a pervasive drug thing (his life’s pretty much an open book there, or should I say an open Rx pad), but even though he can afford to bankroll an operation that would have put Hunter Thompson under the table crying “Uncle” in a dozen languages, the majority of them from right here on Earth, I say we keep the costs as low as reasonably possible and pocket the savings. But I’m eminently flexible on this, as channeling Uncle Duke on a nearly unlimited budget would be something to tell the mutated grandkids about while we’re sitting around a campfire or a half-full clear vinyl 55 gallon drum of radium…someday.

      I think we’re good to go (shopping), except we do have to wait for Sean to email us his Paypal handle and password…or cash.

      Apr 18, 2010 at 12:15 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #12   Donna Martin Graduates!

    Ah, I was just about to make a moptop joke.

    Apr 15, 2010 at 5:35 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #13   Sarah

    Thanks for the Old Person Guide. Glad I needed it.

    Apr 15, 2010 at 5:49 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #13.1   In your general direction, I fart...

      Yep, I used Kerry’s helpful links to catch up on what-all this Biebermania was about, too: watched my first (!) ever (!) Bieber videos, and found myself… unoffended. He’s bland, barely-gendered, I guess an ultra ‘safe’ figure for a Tween (barf) to swoon (sween? barf, again) over.

      Part of me wants to scream: WTF???? why do we have such a chowderbowlhead paddling his douchecanoe thru our pop-cultural waters??? But he really doesn’t seem to have done/said many assholish things…yet…

      Apr 15, 2010 at 6:00 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #14   oi bang

    so does that mean that submitter’s grandma approves Bieber’s hair cut?
    I am disappointed in this grandma. Look at that hair cut! Mentally challenged is the first word that pops in the mind.

    Apr 15, 2010 at 6:00 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #14.1   AuntyBron

      Mentally challenged? Really? Whenever I see a picture of JB I think “jailbait”.

      Apr 16, 2010 at 12:02 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #15   claw71 bang

    J-Beebs might not know it yet but he has single-handedly relegated the unassuming mop-top to the same level of hairdo hell the mullet was sent to after Billy Ray Cyrus overwhelmed us with his ill-advised coif.

    Apr 15, 2010 at 6:46 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #15.1   Woman on the Verge bang

      It’s all just so visually alarming, isn’t it, claw?

      Apr 15, 2010 at 7:27 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #16   hapagirrl

    I used to not dye my hair, on principle, and also because I thought despite my youth, I looked cool sporting salt and pepper hair and was cool for being honest about myself. My mother hated it, for years, and then one day sent me an article featuring the hottest women with gray hair. I was so disgusted that my mother needed a popular magazine to approve of women not dyeing their hair–that I went out and dyed my hair. So I’ll toast to my mom, this guy’s grandma, and proverbial lemmings everywhere tonight . . .

    Apr 15, 2010 at 7:20 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #16.1   gladystopia

      Wow. You know, I thought I went through some utterly byzantine convolutions of thought in an effort to out-stubborn MY mom on her various pet peeves–my hair (length); my makeup (lack of); my clothes (“fashion” of)…but hapagirrl, reading your explanation there, I actually FELT my brain twisting itself into a pretzel-shape. Well-done, but I think I’d better have one of those drinks you’re toasting with before I hurt myself.

      If anyone’s looking for me, tell them I’m under the bed pondering whether I might actually be a Karl Rove groupie.

      Apr 15, 2010 at 11:56 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #16.2   Clumber

      “It’s not cool anymore if mom likes it!” – Bart Simpson

      Apr 20, 2010 at 8:16 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #17   Melissa B

    my mom knew about justin bieber before i did… she’d sing his songs and make me confused and creeped out… turns out she mega accurate in her renditions…

    Apr 15, 2010 at 7:24 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #18   Rene

    Seth’s hair is probably better off the way it is. That is horrendous

    Apr 15, 2010 at 7:50 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #19   Canthz_B bang

    I’m going to get my hair just like Bieber’s…I’ll look like a Romulan, but if it’s the in-look, I’m all for it.

    Apr 15, 2010 at 7:53 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #19.1   Melissa B

      Romulans are the shit!

      Apr 15, 2010 at 8:09 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #19.2   TheOldSchool bang

      Still, it was Remus who got the babes.

      Apr 16, 2010 at 3:31 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #19.3   Canthz_B bang

      Yeah, Uncle Remus was a Playa.

      Apr 16, 2010 at 6:23 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #19.4   mamason bang

      I thought it was Uncle Tom.

      Apr 16, 2010 at 1:40 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #19.5   Mark bang

      Major Tom does like those protein pills, and putting on his helmet-hair…

      Apr 16, 2010 at 1:50 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #19.6   infant tyrone bang

      Damn, which episode of which Jefferson family did I miss ?

      Apr 16, 2010 at 3:03 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #19.7   park rose bang

      He is an oddity like that, Mark.

      Apr 16, 2010 at 5:10 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #20   Pxmidnight

    so… am I the only one having flashbacks of Peter Tork?

    Apr 15, 2010 at 8:11 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #20.1   MAMARILLA2 bang

      Davy Jones , FTW!

      Apr 15, 2010 at 8:23 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #20.2   Woman on the Verge bang

      Hey, hey we’re the Monkees!

      Apr 16, 2010 at 11:06 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #20.3   mamason bang

      I met Peter Tork in the ’80s. The Monkeys were on their revival tour and were staying at the Holiday Inn where I worked. Oh, yeah… back in the big time they were.

      So, Pete comes into the hotel restaurant at lunch time and is quite pleased with the fact that the 3 or so guests there all approached him for his autograph. I was behind the bar, because it was time for my mid-morning gin and juice.
      Anyway, Pete comes meandering over to the bar with this really creepy smile on his face and says to me, “So, what? Are you too good to ask me for my autograph?” I was struck dumb by this question and I think I may have managed a, “Duh, wha,” to which he replied, “Come on. You know you want it.” This is a true story. I was so crushed because he was my favorite Monkey until that day. Just one in a long line of broken dreams.

      I still have that autograph. *sigh*

      Apr 16, 2010 at 11:29 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #20.4   ohreally

      I don’t care if it’s been decades, mamason, you’ll never feel OK with this again until you track down an address and send it back with an “upon further review, no, I don’t want it,” note on it.

      Apr 16, 2010 at 12:16 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #20.5   park rose bang

      mama, and that’s why I will always say Mickey Dolenz (who contributed to “Spitting Image” in the U.K.), or Mike Nesmith and his tippex wielding mother. Nesmith had that cool song, too. Though I can’t remember it now.

      I also went to see that tour – sad, sad men, almost as sad as those trying to relieve their youth by going out and. . . oh, wait.

      Apr 16, 2010 at 5:14 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #21   MAMARILLA2 bang

    So..I guess when his beard finally grows in…in ten years or so…He will become a hairy Bieber.

    Apr 15, 2010 at 8:22 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #21.1   Jonathan

      Dear god. I hope in ten years he takes hair notes from Mr. Clean and sports a shaved Bieber instead. Much more hygienic, don’tcha know.

      Apr 15, 2010 at 10:19 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #22   boo ya

    spock said it all! “live long and prosperoius”..”>

    Apr 15, 2010 at 10:30 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #23   AuntyBron

    So am I the only one with thinks Jennifer Aniston in a Bieber ‘do looks like Dorothy Hamill?

    Apr 16, 2010 at 12:03 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #23.1   infant tyrone bang

      I had DHamill and MLRetton @6.1, but no Jen…
      that name just isn’t connecting for some reason right now.

      Apr 16, 2010 at 2:34 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #24   Blogmella bang

    I think the grandson should get a mohawk, or shave his head and have a huge tattoo on his scalp. That’ll give the nosey old bag something to complain about.

    Apr 16, 2010 at 1:45 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #24.1   maceelaine bang

      A tattoo of Beiber, just to please his Nana.

      Apr 16, 2010 at 2:28 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #25   Canthz_B bang

    I’ve tried to like that hairstyle, but it’s just not working for me.

    It looks like he slept all night wearing The Great Gazoo’s helmet.

    Apr 16, 2010 at 6:34 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #25.1   mamason bang


      Apr 16, 2010 at 11:31 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #26   Fanboy Wife

    I’ve never heard of that pop-star kid, but I’ve seen a lot teenage boys with that hair style. They all look pretty ridiculous!

    Apr 16, 2010 at 6:36 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #27   Critical Grass bang

    “You know you love me
    I know you care
    You shout whenever
    And I’ll be there”

    That’s actually more than a threat. It’s a brain wash process waiting to happen in 5, 4, 3, 2… Baby baby baby oooh… Yeah…

    Apr 16, 2010 at 7:24 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #27.1   park rose bang

      Ah, it’s all fun and games, fanboy wife. Let each generation have their own, even if it was actually the last generation’s fun and games and so on. It’s gotta beat the big hair bon jovial 80s (or was that the 90s)?

      Apr 16, 2010 at 5:17 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #28   Bored at Work

    Hey Moe! Nyuk, Nyuk, Nyuk…..

    Apr 16, 2010 at 8:16 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #28.1   spike

      Why, I oughta murderize ya!

      Apr 18, 2010 at 6:43 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #29   Bunnee

    Experience tells me that if this kid’s hair is long, he is repulsed by Justin Bieber. Way to confuse musical genres, Grandma!

    Apr 16, 2010 at 8:43 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #30   ClearlyDemented

    Fellow PANers, you ought to be ashamed of yourselves. Did we all forget why we’re really here? I’m all for making fun of that horrible “do”, but did no one else read the actual note?

    First, it teases us with the tense switching in the first sentence, and then brings us home with, “Why don’t you try it & then surprise me while I’m gone & then back”! I’m not sure I even know what it means, but I am sure I want to marry that sentence.

    Now get to work, people.

    Apr 16, 2010 at 8:56 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #31   Lisa

    Awk! All week, the question:” Who the FUCK is Justin Bieber?” has been ringing through my head when I’m confronted with this inescapable People cover.

    (Even though I’ve pondered this some half-dozen times already, I don’t even WANT to know… )

    Maybe this will become a cult catch-phrase, like “Who is John Galt?”

    Apr 16, 2010 at 9:08 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #32   Bored at Work

    “Who is Justin Bieber?”

    Grandma shrugged.

    Apr 16, 2010 at 9:18 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #33   Yo

    He is a pedophile’s dream. I wonder when he’ll do his first shoot of heroin and put us all out of our misery.

    Apr 16, 2010 at 9:51 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #34   Lisa

    Not only do I not know who Justin Bieber is, I’m not exactly sure of Robert Pattinson or Zac Efron either. (I think I’ve seen their pimply mugs in the magazine-corral at my local drug store, though. )

    Hello, middle age!

    Apr 16, 2010 at 10:05 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #34.1   MAMARILLA2 bang

      I think they were in that big summer teen movie,”Twilight at the High School Musical”.

      Apr 19, 2010 at 2:24 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #35   Stinky bang

    “Surprise me while I’m gone then back”?
    Does that mean Grandma is going to kick it soon, but rise from the dead to see if grandsonny boy followed her wishes?

    BTW…he looks like Cousin It is sucking out his brain…

    Apr 16, 2010 at 10:16 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #35.1   Luna (the other one)

      Passive-aggressive zombie Grandma? OMG!

      Apr 16, 2010 at 11:33 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #36   Real Celeb Fake Speak

    Grandma: What big hair you have grandkid!
    Kid: All the better to block u out, granny!

    Apr 16, 2010 at 12:13 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #37   claw71 bang

    I’m never really that put off by teen heart throbs. It’s nothing new. Tiger Beat has been around a long time and I remember girls my age fostering insane crushes over Michael J. Fox, NKOTB and Kirk Cameron. The thing that perplexes me is the fact that the studs teenage girls swoon over seem less masculine every year. I mean, prior to the 80s teenage girls fawned over real men like the Beatles and Robert Plant. As a guy, you can respect that.

    I thought Leonardo DiCaprio was an androgynous little waif, but I had to give him props for sporting some serious acting chops. Now we have anorexic hipsters (Pattinson) and bubbly Canadian gnomes with awful haircuts driving girls to flick the life out of the little man in the pink boat. It’s not fair to today’s teenage boys. How do you over-compensate when the latest trend defies your natural biological predisposition?

    Apr 16, 2010 at 2:00 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #37.1   infant tyrone bang

      Um…the age range of the Tiger Beat readership has probably expanded by a few years (on the low side) since the time of the Fab Four and Led Zep.
      Can’t fight the tide with advice now that tweens have found the aviso.

      What’s a young boy to do ?
      Does Mary Kay Letourneau ring a bell (so to speak) ?
      If you can’t find relief at school (not all teachers are hot or willing), ask, “Who pays the allowances that fund Stacey’s Tiger Beat jones?”

      With Stacey’s Mom, there’s no awkward staying late into her prep period or handing in the same hall pass/late slip to your math instructor.
      She might tell another desperate housewife or three, but she ain’t sharin’ with Stacey (you wish), so there’s no fuel for the gossip furnace at school.

      Apr 16, 2010 at 3:25 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #37.2   Woman on the Verge bang

      I admit to some fangirl crushes, but it was the poster of David Lee Roth chained to a chainlink fence that was really the key to my heart. Also, it really pissed off my mother, so that was a huge bonus.

      Apr 16, 2010 at 3:27 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #37.3   TippingCows

      Claw, you make an excellent point as always. It appears that the media is trying to get girls to go for androgynous types that will likely end up gay. (If they are not already).

      There could be several reasons for this:
      a) teach girls to go after completely unattainable men
      b) teach girls to go after men that won’t be running rampant with testosterone and are less likely to pressure them into sex
      c) tell girls it’s ok to fawn after men that are rich but have absolutely no talent of which to speak

      Apr 17, 2010 at 6:39 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #38   Boss

    Considering that this haircut would have been considered long in grandma’s era it’s pretty cool of her to suggest it to her grandson. It’s a compromise, really.

    Apr 16, 2010 at 11:00 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #39   Jesse

    I had gone with the Mr. Clean look for several years – pissed my mom off pretty good. (Which is a good thing). But eventually I got tired of shaving my head every day so I let the hair grow back, but now I keep it pretty short – get it cut about every three weeks or so. It’s much more comfortable than having a mop on my head.

    That all being said, I wouldn’t give anyone else a hard time for their hair styles. That’s their decision, not mine.

    Apr 17, 2010 at 12:45 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #40   TippingCows

    Ok, I just learned that this kid is 16. Is he on some kind of drug or something?! He looks no older than 10! Maybe his very Christian mother made him smoke cigarettes and mainline caffeine for years as part of her evil plan …

    Apr 17, 2010 at 6:49 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #40.1   The Elf

      He’s just a late bloomer. It happens. Soon the other shoe (or teste, as the case may be) will drop and he’ll look his age.

      Apr 19, 2010 at 11:15 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #41   Amy

    So, you don’t want to share your super-special non-dairy creamer/handsoap with the rest of the office?
    You could go for the semi-direct approach…

    But as Ocie in Petaluma, California witnessed, that might not be enough of a deterrent.

    In that case, you could try to dial up the crazy a little more, like Nicole in Florida…

    Or you just [...]

    Apr 18, 2010 at 4:49 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #42   keith

    “Helmet-head” is a word that comes to mind.

    He/she looks just like Ryan Connor in Coronation Street (UK Soap)

    Apr 19, 2010 at 7:33 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #43   Winston Smith

    Did anyone else notice that, when they “[give] other famously coiffed celebs Justin’s cut”, they just did a copy-and-paste job? And a pretty bad one, at that; the dark patch above each person’s right eye is Bieber’s EYEBROW showing through his hair!

    Apr 22, 2010 at 9:53 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up


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