So, Brandon in San Diego had a party, and apparently people stayed out pretty late playing beer pong in the yard — a yard which happens to be just outside the bedroom window of the neighbors, an older couple in their 70s. The morning after, our submitter Mallory says, Brandon woke up to find this taped to his front door.
Final score: Brandon, o. Sweet little old lady, EPIC WIN!
related: My condolences on your birthday
82 responses so far ↓
#1
Woman on the Verge
Wow. There’s sort of a veiled threat there isn’t there? Cute birds shitting marijuana leaves and the implication that Brandon won’t be in the world much longer if he plays in the yard at 3am?
Shit. Pot-smoking Granny got a gun!
Apr 16, 2010 at 3:37 pm rating: 27
#2
Loren
I don’t normally comment on these notes, but I might employ this ‘thank you’ note policy next time my downstairs neighbor plays insanely loud country music until 2 am on a week night.
Apr 16, 2010 at 3:41 pm rating: 24
#3
cl
Beer pong outside at 3am? Brandon is a dick.
Team pissed off old lady!
Apr 16, 2010 at 4:11 pm rating: 120
#4
Gunderson
I think the old lady is saying “Instead of playing in the yard at 3am, come over her for some tag-team action with me and my hubby”
Apr 16, 2010 at 4:16 pm rating: 4
#5
Steve
Giving credit where credit is due, the neighbor had the class and guts to sign her name. (Unless that redacted “J” was something like “Jerkyface Poo-poo head” or “Just you wait and I will get back at you anonymously, drawing strength from the bottomless well of passive-aggressive bile in which I float soullessly.”)
Apr 16, 2010 at 4:24 pm rating: 32
#6
Flaboy2425
I’m with J all the way. My neighbor woke me out of a sound sleep at 3:30 am. holding a lengthy conversation in his driveway, just outside my bedroom window, with a departing guest. I was glad their party was inside. Even so, I wanted to pinch their heads off.
GO, GRANNY!
Apr 16, 2010 at 4:25 pm rating: 24
#7
claw71
Beer pong? Really? People actually do this?
I don’t know if I agree with Kerry’s scoring, because she hasn’t factored in the circumstances. Idiotic drinking festivities that would include something like beer pong are fine if you’re in college (provided you’re of college age–35 year-old philosophy majors don’t count). If that’s the case then these old people might want to consider a place farther away from campus. 2 points for Brandon, with a 3 point penalty for playing beer pong at 3 am when you know the roofies you slipped that redhead have kicked in.
If Brandon lives in a regular neighborhood he might need to give serious consideration to growing up. 3 points to the old people.
I’m still a little confused, however, as I thought old people turned their hearing aids off when they went to bed.
Regardless, I’m going to have to deduct 5 points for the card because it’s corny and dishonest. I can’t imagine that Brandon has any qualities that would lead anybody to believe the the world is a better place with him in it.
Apr 16, 2010 at 4:44 pm rating: 25
#8
Celeste
I don’t normally comment either, but this is priceless and definitely a great idea to consider. Go granny!
Apr 16, 2010 at 4:53 pm rating: 6
#9
Lauri
Considering they were well within their rights to call the cops, I think sending a nice note instead was very generous and Brandon should volunteer to do some yard work as penance.
Apr 16, 2010 at 5:35 pm rating: 55
#10
Bunnee
The note is a little out of touch, what with the whole “play in the yard” business. She made it sound like they were out there playing king of the mountain or smear the queer (nttawwt). However, Granny is right on the money with the passive aggressive structure. She sets ‘em up and then knocks ‘em down!
Team Granny.
Apr 16, 2010 at 5:37 pm rating: 4
#11
babszilla
Go Granny, Go!
I am going to find these cards and stock up. I can see plenty of uses, such as a few in my car for that careless parking lot hog, office lunch stealers, etc.
Apr 16, 2010 at 5:50 pm rating: 9
#12
Claire
Fuck Brandon, and everyone like Brandon, including my own upstairs neighbors who kept us up to 6:30 in the morning the other night. Being in college is no excuse for being a raving inconsiderate asshole. Yay for the lady.
Apr 16, 2010 at 5:57 pm rating: 45
#13
Blogmella
If Brandon and his friends do this again, I think she will drop by with a delicious cake, decorated with the words “You’re my favourite asshole!” (except she will probably spell it like an American).
Apr 16, 2010 at 6:21 pm rating: 26
#14
gladystopia
Reading this note and its comments? Leads me to a conclusion I find awful beyond all words.
See, I live just off a college campus. Granted, the undergrads are practically venerated in college circles for their nerdiness–we don’t even have a football team–but: not the point.
Because my apartment faces on an alley, across which there is a new apartment building. Because it was foreclosed-upon, so the story goes, a group of parents of undergrads (all of a particular faith background, which I only mention so it doesn’t sound SO completely like a pack of spoiled bratlets with helicopter parents) purchased the building and allowed their offspring to move into the building–all 8 units of it, from what I can see.
And yes, they “play” in the yard til all hours of the night, and they have loud, drama-fraught conversations when all good hard-working apartment-dwellers are asleep, and they have parties of–for this school–rather impressive size and noisiness. And at no time during these proceedings do any of them take into account that–like my apartment–there are another 35 apartments that front on that same alley, and who most likely, due to the management’s liberal application of steam-heat throughout the fall, winter, and spring months, have windows open.
And I will admit that there has been more than one occasion–often, more than one occasion per evening–when I myself have thought of PANning the front door of this little undergraduate man-cave; and further, that upon reading this note, I was impressed not merely with its PA-ness, but with its laudable degree of restraint.
And as I thought these thoughts I realized the thing that will now wake me screaming from sound sleep on these, the final fifty-odd nights of my thirty-ninth year of life:
OH MY HOLY GOD– I AM NOW, OFFICIALLY, THE OLD LADY.
If anyone needs me, I will be practicing in the mirror the common phrase “You! Stay out of my flowerbeds!” Probably whilst weeping hysterically.
Apr 16, 2010 at 6:23 pm rating: 74
#15
Escape Goat
See that little red bird? It’s saying, “Fuck you, pong bitch.”
Apr 16, 2010 at 7:36 pm rating: 6
#16
TippingCows
The red bird looks like it’s going in for the kill – Zombie Bird eats brains of Brandon Bird!
Granny knew what she was doing with this imagery all right.
Apr 16, 2010 at 8:50 pm rating: 2
#17
TheOldSchool
The fact that these young-uns are playing beer pong at 3 a.m., an hour when they should obviously be fornicating, indicates to me just how depraved and lost our college kids are today.
Maybe video games should include brief interludes of hardcore pornography so these poor souls can be gradually reacclimated to some of life’s more base pleasures. I think the screeners are losing touch with their own animal instincts.
Apr 16, 2010 at 9:35 pm rating: 15
#18
Boss
This is genius. Completely polite, no threats, very classy.
Apr 16, 2010 at 10:57 pm rating: 12
#19
Canthz_B
Cards are for wimps. Daisy Moses (AKA “Granny Clampett”) would have settled the matter at 3:05am by way of a 12-gauge firing bacon rind and rock salt.
Apr 16, 2010 at 11:02 pm rating: 10
#20
oi
so how does Mallory fit in all this drama?
Apr 16, 2010 at 11:11 pm rating: 2
#21
lesstalk
old people are so diabolical…
Apr 16, 2010 at 11:30 pm rating: 5
#22
Denny DelVecchio
Am I the only one that believes that this whole situation is absolutely drenched in sexual subtext?
Apr 16, 2010 at 11:34 pm rating: 6
#23
mireee
Parties at 3am? Boy I’m a student and I’d be fucking pissed off as well. Yesterday I had a house party and by 1am everyone was out and we went clubbing. Seriously dude, poor neighbours. Team Old Lady.
Apr 17, 2010 at 8:27 am rating: 16
#24
Sparkles23
Just because you know how to be stupid, doesn’t mean you should do it.
Team Granny!
Apr 17, 2010 at 2:41 pm rating: 5
#25
mamason
Ok. What the fuck is beer pong?
Apr 17, 2010 at 5:30 pm rating: 3
#26
Kim
I came across your blog and have to tell you that I think it is so FUNNY!!!! I have been laughing out loud and laughing so hard I’m now crying. Your site is brilliant!!! Thanks for the laughs!
Apr 17, 2010 at 7:11 pm rating: 3
#27
TheOldSchool
I still have a problem with the card’s basic message.
Is the world really a much better place with Brandon in it?
Hmmmmmn….
Apr 18, 2010 at 2:45 am rating: 2
#28
infant tyrone
Granny may be speaking in a very, very big picture way…
My take is that she’s referring to how much better any parallel worlds or universes must be since this here one has her
dearly-beloved Brandon.I wanted to check this hypothesis via a scientific method-style rigorous and repeatable test, so I blindfolded a couple of the neighbor lady’s kids (double-blind surveys are the only way to fly), got out the Ouija board,
and dialed up Carl Sagan and Richard Feynman…both sent back, “Sometimes you just gotta take one for the team.”
Apr 18, 2010 at 10:13 pm rating: 3
#29
maceelaine
Can we get Granny J to come and be a commenter here? I think she’s got the right attitude.
Apr 19, 2010 at 1:11 am rating: 2
#30
Joanna
Um, I’m not sure how to do this but I’m the neighbor who sent this note to Brandon. I’m a little upset because I’m hardly a sweet little old lady. I’m 45! My husband is 58 but I don’t think anybody with half a brain would confuse us for being in our 70s. Aside from a little binge drinking slut who is too self-absorbed to see three inches past the next cock she’s sucking.
Apr 19, 2010 at 8:12 am rating: 6
#31
Stinky
I once had neighbors that were up ’til all hours partying. I went over there one time to bitch at them. They offered me a beer and a comfy chair. Brilliant! I don’t recall them ever getting any quieter, but I just didn’t mind them after that.
Apr 19, 2010 at 11:26 am rating: 4
#32
David
Aside from a little binge drinking slut who is too self-absorbed to see three inches past the next cock she’s sucking.
What’s her number?
Apr 19, 2010 at 12:06 pm rating: 2
#33
MarkI
Dear Brandon,
The world is a better place with you in it.
But passiveaggressivenotes.com is not a good place to post personal correspondence.
Apr 19, 2010 at 1:15 pm rating: 2
#34
brandon
this is brandon the one who recieved this card! so i would like to say that i am a chemist with a good job of the age of 27. i also like to party! i live on the beach in pacific beach and people party all around me at all times including the people above me! so since i have a backyard with a beer pong table in it that just happened to face a old neighbors window i am screwed! so for all of you that just bashed me… get some friends and party already or at least get a life of some sort.
Apr 20, 2010 at 4:30 pm rating: 0
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