Passive-Aggressive Kitchen-Sink Poetry

April 23rd, 2010 · 115 comments

So, which of these cutesy little rhymes is least likely to make you stab yourself in the eye?

Exhibit a) from an office break room in Atlanta, Georgia?

Their Sink, My Sink, Your Sink It's against our wishes if you soak your dishes cause the sink's not a soaking place. Quick! Scrub 'em clean-make 'em really gleam. Watch a 'thank you!' smile appear on every face. So don't walk away- don't soak it- just clean it! (Wash it right now! You can finish in a minute!) Cause it's not just your sink, it's their sink and my sink. Please be considerate.  Don't clutter the sink by leaving your items to soak. THANK YOU!

Exhibit b) from a college dorm suite in Winston-Salem, North Carolina?

A Poem  Wash your dishes It's not that hard You weren't born in a barn Or a stable, or a yard  The sink is too small To have dishes build up It's really not complicated  To wash a small cup  Your housemates aren't your servants Or your keepers, or your mothers Those who wash their own things Needn't worry about the others  When there's only one of something Please keep that in your mind In the sink and dirty Makes things really hard to find  We know we love each other That's nothing to deny So wash your freaking dishes Or I'll stab you in the eye :)

Or — smiley-face-free! — exhibit c) from a share house full of frat boys in Los Angeles?

Please be a dear and do your dishes here for if you do not, the house will be wrought with people dismayed by the mass that's displayed and hence are not able  to dine at the table for lack of clean wishes  restricts their good wishes

Still there? If so, you probably need a palate-cleanser after all those cringe-worthy couplets, so I’ll leave you with this delicate haiku from an office in Washington, D.C.

Soaking Cup Haiku  Dried flecks of cat food Circling the rim of the cup Oh - it's your oatmeal.

related: Scatological Poetry Slam

FILED UNDER: Atlanta · clip art catastrophe · college life · D.C. · dishes · office · pure poetry · rainbow-colored · roommates · smiley · TL;DR · Winston-Salem


115 responses so far ↓

  • #1   infant tyrone bang

    I’m least irritated by whichever one is posted on the highest floor,
    but still irritated enough to look for an open window and…

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dmfrPrN1L_s

    Apr 23, 2010 at 12:08 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #1.1   farcical aquatic ceremony

      hop in place?

      or did you mean that watching Van Halen is, itself, a form of suicide?

      : )

      Apr 23, 2010 at 1:03 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.2   infant tyrone bang

      I just meant like leave the scene of the grime,
      but yours are amusing additions, especially to visualize.

      Apr 23, 2010 at 6:53 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.3   Wordtinker doesnt smith bang

      I’m sorry- but they all make me feel quite stabby. And hubby just sharpened the knives… ;-)

      Apr 23, 2010 at 8:21 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.4   infant tyrone bang

      This should calm you right out then…
      Don’t forget to click for the lyrics and follow the bouncing ball.

      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=loIc4pnGCcU

      Apr 24, 2010 at 12:38 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #2   Z

    God. I love haiku.

    Apr 23, 2010 at 12:15 am   rating: 10  small thumbs up

    • #2.1   MAMARILLA2 bang

      No matter how crass the material, a haiku always makes it sound classy.

      Apr 23, 2010 at 12:58 am   rating: 33  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.2   Canthz_B bang

      Haiku
      you spew
      we all puke
      on haiku

      Apr 23, 2010 at 1:07 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.3   Scribbles the Monkey bang

      Okay, now you have inspired me to write a crass haiku, thanks.

      Without further ado:

      Ladies everywhere
      marvel at the sight of it
      yes, I mean my junk

      Apr 23, 2010 at 11:13 am   rating: 28  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.4   Jen

      Junk haiku? Really? I just can’t find that classy.

      Apr 23, 2010 at 11:55 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.5   TheOldSchool bang

      My penis is much like my life.

      Seemingly precious, but dubiously so on closer inspection,

      Much shorter than what I’d have preferred,

      Hot at times, cold and aloof at others

      Mutable states shifting between the hard and the soft.

      Nostalgia made manifest from the insistent smoldering from within,

      Owing chiefly to the lingering after-effects of many a golden evening

      Spent humping way too fuckin’ many diseased skanks

      Once upon a time, back when I used to, like, get wasted all the time.

      (Easy, TOS. You mustn’t be too hard-on, yourself!)

      Then… my life,

      Much like a PAN note after the last comment has been registered and sent on to the NSA,

      Or like my penis,

      During the act of lovemaking,

      Limply exits the stage … too quickly for some, not quickly enough for others.

      In lieu of flowers, please leave cash, just in case I’ve only faked my death.

      Apr 23, 2010 at 1:05 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.6   wright1

      Hmm, if a haiku makes any crass material sound classy, would it work for claw71? But I kid, mostly. Claw is the black hole of class: he has drawn so much into himself that he’s imploded and is spewing out anti-class as a white hole in another universe.

      Still, it’s a useful exercise…

      claw71 haiku:

      Unceasing, menacing vulgarity
      the sound of a single ass-cheek clapping:
      the Dark Fool in the courts of PAN

      Apr 23, 2010 at 3:36 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.7   infant tyrone bang

      TOS,
      Since you’re only speaking of “la petite mort” here, will a pittance suffice ?

      P.S. Don’t know if the nuns are putting out these days,
      but if you dress sharp and lurk nicely at funerals, the widow’s mite.

      Apr 23, 2010 at 4:06 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #3   MAMARILLA2 bang

    Why is the My Sink smiley a different color…Is it passing judgement…Are you Blueish? You don’t look Blueish.

    Apr 23, 2010 at 12:38 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

    • #3.1   Vespa

      Or Druish

      Apr 23, 2010 at 12:07 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #4   Canthz_B bang

    After use wash your dishes,
    you lazy sons of bitches.
    “Soaking” is not legit,
    we won’t stand for that shit.
    Use a dish rag or a sponge,
    don’t be scared, take the plunge.
    Go ahead. Get your hands wet,
    be a pal, it’s really no sweat.

    Copyright © 2010 by Canthz_B

    Apr 23, 2010 at 12:48 am   rating: 37  small thumbs up

    • #4.1   Gavin

      I’ll be back in a year when this Copyright notice is void, then you won’t be so smug

      Apr 23, 2010 at 8:19 am   rating: 25  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.2   Canthz_B bang

      Or, by chance, by then you’ll realize that the copyright part is a joke?
      I think Walmart has a sense of humor sale this week…take advantage of the bargain. ;-)

      Maybe I’ll just explain that it’s a play on the seriousness with which the posted poets seem to take themselves…maybe (in your case) it’s not even worth it. :???:

      Apr 23, 2010 at 9:06 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.3   a

      Shite.

      Apr 23, 2010 at 9:25 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.4   anglophile bang

      You’re not too up on copyright law, are you, Gavin?

      Apr 23, 2010 at 9:38 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.5   TheOldSchool bang

      Easy, Glo. You’ve never been to the Land of Gavin.

      Seriously. They do things differently there.

      Unfortunately, the population is declining because all the small ones have found jobs in Tennessee.

      Gavin’s the Land of Gavin’s only hope. It’s sad.

      Apr 23, 2010 at 12:09 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.6   slappy

      huh I figured Gavin’s comment was sarcastic, oh well.

      Apr 23, 2010 at 1:02 pm   rating: 13  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.7   park rose bang

      slappy, I think he was, too, but glo’s point is still valid.

      Apr 23, 2010 at 1:09 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.8   TheOldSchool bang

      Glo’s comment was valid. As was TOS’s and slappy’s and Rose’s and Gavin’s and a’s and CB’s.

      Yours invalidity.

      Apr 23, 2010 at 2:02 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.9   park rose bang

      invalidity and beyond!!!

      Look, TOS:

      Glo’s comment was valid,
      and we’re all very happy
      and those that Gav’ had,
      and TOS’ and slappy’s . . .

      and not to forget single a
      and rose and CB,
      not a child left behind in invalidity.

      Gavin, you can have that in a year ;)

      Apr 23, 2010 at 2:37 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.10   infant tyrone bang

      God, y’all are such terrible teases,
      Poor Gavin’s turnin’ blue already.
      I hope he gives it up, sweet Jesus,
      Or pobrecito’ll be deader than Freddy.

      * an example of why I link** more than rhyme.
      ** If Descartes had the web, would the quote be different ?

      Apr 23, 2010 at 4:12 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.11   We will speak anon

      Pierce Invalidity?

      Apr 23, 2010 at 5:39 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.12   infant tyrone bang

      As they said at the Inamorati Annymous meeting:
      Love is something you can really cry a lot about.

      Apr 23, 2010 at 6:23 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #5   TippingCows

    Well, the first one is a raging Dr. Seuss rip-off. The second has promise only because of the last stanza. I think they could have cut out stanza #4 in the second one and still made their point satisfactorily.
    The third one just plain sucks.
    And anything done in haiku is usually due to laziness and lack of vocabulary.
    Plus, it’s trying hard to be clever but it fails.
    Oh, I give up – they all suck badz.

    Apr 23, 2010 at 1:00 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #5.1   park rose bang

      I like the assonance of clean it and minute in the top note . . . after all, it takes one to know one.

      Apr 23, 2010 at 2:10 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #5.2   sleeps

      Anybody want a peanut?

      Apr 23, 2010 at 11:51 am   rating: 11  small thumbs up

       
    • #5.3   Vespa

      stop that… I mean it

      Apr 23, 2010 at 12:12 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #6   park rose bang

    What’s needed of course is a poetry slam – gets rid of those dirty dishes good and fast; only problem is, once it’s all over there’s nothing to eat or drink from, except possibly a pair of rhyming cuplets.

    Apr 23, 2010 at 2:07 am   rating: 17  small thumbs up

     
  • #7   park rose bang

    I am going to run a little experiment here, and sorry that it means I’ll appear 4 times, but hopefully someone will post in between 5.1, 6, and this one, which might be 7. I think the poems need thumbs.

    I really like the haiku – but let’s see what everyone else thinks . . .

    These are thumbs for the poems!

    The first one (smiley faces rock the kitchen)

    Apr 23, 2010 at 2:12 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #7.1   park rose bang

      The second multi-coloured wormy one.

      Apr 23, 2010 at 2:13 am   rating: 45  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.2   park rose bang

      The third, frat boys with handbags, one.

      Apr 23, 2010 at 2:13 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.3   park rose bang

      And the oatmeal haiku.

      This is 1+ already! (from me).

      Apr 23, 2010 at 2:14 am   rating: 47  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.4   anglophile bang

      Move along here, folks, nothing to see.

      Apr 23, 2010 at 9:47 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.5   ISpy

      Rose, you forgot “none of the above.” I am unmoved by each one of them. But then, I was the one who, when my roommates behaved as though we had a maid, moved all the dirty dishes to the couch when I wanted to use the kitchen.

      Apr 23, 2010 at 10:58 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.6   missloopy

      my mom had a boyfriend when i was really small, and we lived in a house with him & his sister. his sister wasn’t the tidiest person, and he was an anal-retentive neat freak. it was like living in an episode of the odd couple.

      anyhoo, when she would leave her dishes in the sink he would move them to her bed.

      Apr 23, 2010 at 11:06 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.7   Scribbles the Monkey bang

      Sloop, that wasn’t your mom’s boyfriend. That was your DAD!

      Apr 23, 2010 at 11:18 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.8   park rose

      ISpy, we’ll add your comment as “None of the Above”. I just thumbed that too. I agree with the sentiment in all of them, but like the oatmeal/catfood whimsy. Of course, I didn’t count the syllables to see if it was de rigueur, but maybe it’s one of those free-form haiku.

      Apr 23, 2010 at 11:47 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.9   infant tyrone bang

      DAD = Mom’s EX-boyfriend

      *this was meant to highlight the sad but frequent cooling that occurs when a romantic relationship moves into the marriage phase, and can be reversed to MOM=Dad’s EX-girlfriend.
      It wasn’t meant to get a cheap, one-way laugh at the expense of people who bring children into an unstable emotional environment and especially not at the expense of those children

      Apr 23, 2010 at 1:42 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #8   molly ringwald

    note #2 is the one that scares me.

    all of those color changes…
    the multi-colored squiggly border…
    the correct use of apostrophes, “your,” and “their”…
    the way “~A Poem~” is strategically written in black (or dark blue)…
    and of course, that final stanza where the nice little poem becomes a violent warning, complete with a simple smiley face.

    my conclusion is that the note writer is a complete psycho.

    Apr 23, 2010 at 4:34 am   rating: 13  small thumbs up

    • #8.1   AuntyBron

      Psychomaths can’t hide their nature forever.

      Apr 23, 2010 at 11:47 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.2   Luna (the other one)

      I personally found that last line particularly chilling. Kind of like when someone says, “I wanna have butt sex, just kidding, unless the answers ‘yes’.”

      Apr 23, 2010 at 3:17 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.3   infant tyrone bang

      Just kidding…the 30 second, professional version.
      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r0cEjEoRY1w

      Apr 23, 2010 at 6:35 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #9   tilywinn bang

    ‘We know we love each other
    That’s nothing to deny
    So wash your freaking dishes
    Or I’ll stab you in the eye.’ – The perfect anniversary card.

    Forget college; this writer has a future at Hallmark.

    Apr 23, 2010 at 6:31 am   rating: 45  small thumbs up

    • #9.1   Pterosaur

      That entry is a twisted Seussian delight. Eye stabbing FTW!

      Apr 23, 2010 at 8:11 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #9.2   Annalee

      I actually quite liked the stabbing bit. I thought it gave the poem just what it was crying out for (blood and mayhem).

      Haiku is cool too though.

      Apr 23, 2010 at 8:21 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #10   Splint Chesthair

    “Wash your F***ING dishes, assholes!”

    too subtle?

    Apr 23, 2010 at 6:32 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

     
  • #11   Foxy J

    The writer of the second note has a lot to learn about layout. All of that blank space at the bottom, especially since the bottom squigglies are all the way at the bottom, is troubling.

    If I saw the first note in person, I would leave a note saying “Whose sink is this? And can I soak my items in this sink?”

    Apr 23, 2010 at 7:27 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

     
  • #12   Blogmella bang

    I’m quite motherly, so normally I’d just wash whatever dishes were there, mine or anyone else’s. These poems, however, would make me want to fill the sink with human sh*t and walk away.

    I do like the smileys on the first one, though.

    Apr 23, 2010 at 8:30 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #12.1   Gavin

      God I love skivvies like you :) thankyou for being there for us, we really appreciate it.

      Apr 23, 2010 at 8:47 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.2   Blogmella bang

      I prefer to think of myself as being an adult actually, Gavin.

      Apr 23, 2010 at 9:59 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.3   farcical aquatic ceremony

      “motherly”? when you let roommates make a habit of leaving their dishware in the sink for you to take care of, that’s ‘walk all over me’-ly.

      I, too, like being an adult, just not the kind who lets herself be taken advantage of over & over & over…

      Apr 23, 2010 at 12:44 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.4   Blogmella bang

      I said normally I’d just get on and wash stuff (I quite enjoy doing “motherly” things) but the POEMS would make me not want to. I was really discussing the negative impact of the poems.

      That said, I wouldn’t wash MY dishes and leave a couple of other people’s, just for the sake of making a point. If a bunch of grown people have to live in the same place (or share an office, or whatever) I think it is best to foster an atmosphere of cooperation and harmony.

      Setting an example, by being useful in a cheerful way, can be a good idea. Bitching and moaning about everything just makes other people rebel.

      If the others involved did turn out to be total assholes, I’d stop helping, obviously.

      Apr 23, 2010 at 1:53 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #13   Bored at Work

    So, do you think notewriter #2 would wash the knife before stabbing them in the eye?

    Apr 23, 2010 at 8:43 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #13.1   sleeps

      Well, definitely after.

      Apr 23, 2010 at 8:54 am   rating: 17  small thumbs up

       
    • #13.2   park rose

      I was thinking chopstick. More elegant.

      Apr 23, 2010 at 11:51 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #13.3   infant tyrone bang

      Danger, Will Robinson !
      Attack imminent on Eastern Front !

      Apr 23, 2010 at 1:44 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #14   Team Me

    Honestly, I couldn’t finish reading any of them.

    Apr 23, 2010 at 8:49 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #15   Splint Chesthair

    Before I was married, I had one bowl, one plate, one mug, a cutting knife, a butter knife, a fork and a spoon.

    It’s a good system, you only have one of each so it minimizes total dirty dishes possible. Also, if it’s dirty, and you need it, you need to wash it.

    Suggest system with names imprinted on one piece of each. Problem fixed.

    Apr 23, 2010 at 8:51 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #15.1   anglophile bang

      I’m calling bullshit on you, SC. I find it very difficult to believe you were able to purchase only one bowl, one plate, one fork, one spoon.

      If you didn’t purchase just one of these items but instead are the kind of person who could either beg or “borrow” them from somewhere, that tells me that you’re the kind of person who wouldn’t stop at just one.

      ‘Fess up, now.

      Apr 23, 2010 at 9:54 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #15.2   Foxy J bang

      Sure you can buy one of each, at least at the thrift shops I patronize.

      Apr 23, 2010 at 10:02 am   rating: 10  small thumbs up

       
    • #15.3   Splint Chesthair

      I have never bought any sort of dinner plates, bowls, or utensils and nothing I ever had matched. I also have never bought a pair of pants of any kind.

      Apr 23, 2010 at 10:48 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #15.4   AuntyBron

      Wrong you are, ‘Glo. At Meijer’s, WalMart and thrift stores you can buy single bowl and plant. And at thrift stores you can buy a single utencil. That’s why they call them “thrift stores”.

      Apr 23, 2010 at 11:51 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #15.5   park rose

      Splint. I had just one chopstick. The other one is embedded in an ex-flatmate’s eye. It was hell, I tell you, especially when trying to spread butter on toast.

      Apr 23, 2010 at 11:53 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #15.6   Splint Chesthair

      Tip: Utensils are easy to steal from buffet restaurants.

      Apr 23, 2010 at 12:04 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #15.7   MAMARILLA2 bang

      The hard part is getting a matched set of glassware…A bit harder to sneak out…

      Apr 23, 2010 at 12:50 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #15.8   farcical aquatic ceremony

      I can’t believe that–in this den of vipers that we call P.A.N. comment-land–you revealed to us that you ‘furnished’ your home with a single place-setting…just THINK of the jokes that someone less socially awkward/isolated than myself might make at your expense!!

      hmm…maybe I’m wrong, tho’–perhaps you ONLY had people over to whom you were SO CLOSE (spiritually, blood-relatedness, etc.), that you ate off the same (one) plate, with the same fork, using the same glass. (Dinner conversation excerpt: “Mmmmm, that bite there? That one tasted just like mono….”)

      :)

      Apr 23, 2010 at 12:55 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #15.9   Splint Chesthair

      Well, I learned that anything you can put on a plate you can put in a bowl but not vice versa. So if someone came over, no soup, no chili, etc.

      Before I was married, my apartment was a place I tried to get to before I passed out, that’s about it. One room, a bed, a recliner, closet, bathroom, mini fridge/microwave combo I stole from college. Not much to do there.

      I didn’t have many needs back then.

      Update: Wait, is it really that odd for a bachelor not to have people over for dinner? Do you single guys throw a lot of dinner parties? Am I the odd duck? Now I’m thinking I’m weird (moreso).

      Apr 23, 2010 at 1:02 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #15.10   anglophile bang

      Wait. They make a fridge/microwave combo? That seems odd to me.

      Apr 23, 2010 at 1:15 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #15.11   infant tyrone bang

      One chopstick ?
      A plate ?
      A knife ?

      Luxury….

      Apr 23, 2010 at 4:15 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #16   Bunnee

    Well, at least the second one is pleasing to the eye–it’s multi colored, “framed”, and each stanza is blocked off. Then there’s the humorous “stabbing in the eye” part……Oh, wait. I guess it’s not so pleasing to the eye.

    Apr 23, 2010 at 9:13 am   rating: 10  small thumbs up

     
  • #17   Megan (Best of Fates)

    The long poems are annoying, but that haiku? Now that’s brilliance.

    Apr 23, 2010 at 9:49 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #17.1   AuntyBron

      As if anybody actually READS a sign.

      Apr 23, 2010 at 11:52 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #18   Woman on the Verge bang

    For goodness sakes, pitch the fucking dirty dishes and get paper plates and cups.

    Apr 23, 2010 at 9:55 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #18.1   Splint Chesthair

      That’s not environmentally friends, they should get an electric hand dryer.

      Apr 23, 2010 at 12:10 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #18.2   park rose

      Or just wipe them on their pants.

      Apr 23, 2010 at 12:17 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #18.3   claw71 bang

      I eat my lunches off of the pristine bodies of our nubile interns.

      Apr 23, 2010 at 1:53 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #19   brandine bang

    I love the little postscript at the bottom of note #1. Because the rest of the note is so abstract and metaphorical, the writer wanted to make sure the reader got the underlying message.

    Team Haiku.

    Apr 23, 2010 at 9:55 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #20   Joe bang

    The notes remind me of this:
    http://www.lefthandedtoons.com/71/

    However, I’m not opposed to soaking a pot/bowl/whatever for a reasonable amount of time; it can often make cleaning the dish a lot easier. But then there’s just plain laziness.

    Apr 23, 2010 at 10:07 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #21   Janice

    I actually like b.

    Apr 23, 2010 at 10:13 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #22   flying gargoyle

    The Haiku wins, hands down.

    I always found that a tongue-slightly-in-cheek threat to leave a saucer of milk hidden in the room or office of the offending (or suspected) party would get them to become good neighbors. The dishes would get cleaned and I never had to make good on the threat.

    Apr 23, 2010 at 10:26 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

     
  • #23   oi bang

    “Still there? If so, you probably need a…”
    Man! Kerry’s got that right! I have a feeling those little ditties have caused rupture in my brain and I can’t function anymore.

    Apr 23, 2010 at 10:47 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

     
  • #24   Anne H

    In the 3rd poem, they used the wrong word. “Wrought” (adj., Having been worked or prepared somehow) should be “fraught” (adj., # Laden (of a ship etc.), Furnished, equipped (with), (figuratively) Loaded-up, charged or accompanied (with).).

    Apr 23, 2010 at 11:51 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #24.1   park rose

      Unless it’s an old-fashioned form of the past tense of wreck or wreak ;) . Wreak havoc? But it doesn’t quite fit the sentence. Anyway, I’m going for that. It is a frat-boy house, after all.

      It’s quite subversive, though, isn’t it? I’m imagining them swooning and swanning around in whatever it is that frat-boys wear, arms flung over their foreheads in despair.

      Chuck, Chuck, would you be ever so kind as to pass me the smelling salts? I feel an attack of the vapours coming on. Just look at the mess on the table. How could I even contemplate using Aunt Gertrude’s Damask table-cloth on that surface? Even if it were cleaned, the residue would linger, linger, I’m telling you. And oh, the stench!

      A small shudder is required here, of course, as Chuck delicately presses his lace handkerchief against his pale and drawn lips.

      Call Bob and Keith and Wayne and Randy. The dinner party has been cancelled, ruined, ruined, I tell you, and I will never ever be able to show my face in public or polite society again.

      Here Chuck breaks down into an inconsolable fit of sobbing and pitches the house into a bleak melancholy which lasts for days until someone (probably Randy) has the bright idea to come home with a keg.

      Apr 23, 2010 at 12:08 pm   rating: 12  small thumbs up

       
    • #24.2   infant tyrone bang

      Way more than almost anyone needs to know about wreak + wrought…
      http://onlinedictionary.datasegment.com/word/wreak+havoc

      Apr 23, 2010 at 7:00 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #25   Thanks!

    These notes make me want to punch someone. I’ll bet the notewriters are the typical stick up the ass better than you but do absolutely nothing douchebags.

    Apr 23, 2010 at 12:33 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #25.1   claw71 bang

      You know what? If somebody is getting paid as much as or more than you and they do absolutely nothing they might be douchebags but they are douchebags who stink of win and you’re the hopeless dope who keeps raging against the machine for naught. Team Docuhebags!

      Apr 23, 2010 at 1:55 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #26   claw71 bang

    If you’re going to sport PA poetry, at least borrow from the master.

    MILTON! Thou shouldst be doing dishes at this hour.
    The sink hath need of thee: it is a fen
    Of food-filled waters: cup, spoon, *oops* and a pen!

    Microwave side the burnt popcorn and pork sweet and sour
    have been overcome by the fetid power
    of backed up catch basins–such lazy men and women.
    O clean this up, so we can mess it up again.

    Apr 23, 2010 at 1:51 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

     
  • #27   Gunderson

    Sorry, but Limericks are always superior to haiku’s in PA notes.

    I once knew a man from Nantucket
    Who had to wash his dishes in a bucket.
    He said with a grin
    as he rubbed his chin
    “The cluttered sink is where I dropped my nugget”

    /Limericks are also better because one can imagine a leprechaun is reading it to you.

    But imagining a Samurai reading a haiku just doesn’t work as well

    Apr 23, 2010 at 1:51 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #27.1   claw71 bang

      Whenever I encounter a situation that makes me want to leave a note, be it a haiku, a limerick or just a random missive I ask myself what Clint Eastwood would do. Could you see any of his characters leaving a note in any situation? Fuck no. He just shot the hell out of everybody and sauntered off. Of course, he did film Paint Your Wagon so I suppose he might have expressed his feelings with a song and dance number. Maybe I need to use Chuck Norris as a moral guidepost.

      Seriously, Lee Marvin and Clint Eastwood both starred in Wagon…WTF? I think gay porn is more admirable than a Western Musical.

      Apr 23, 2010 at 2:05 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #27.2   Luna (the other one)

      Are you kidding? That’s the BEST movie EVER!!!

      Apr 23, 2010 at 3:23 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #28   G bang

    This sink is your sink,
    this sink is my sink.

    From the kitchen counter
    to the kitchen island,

    dishes tower above me,
    dishes scattered belo-ow me.

    This sink was made for you and me.

    Apr 23, 2010 at 2:17 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #28.1   park rose bang

      Damn sink huggers.

      Apr 23, 2010 at 2:54 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #28.2   claw71 bang

      I don’t hug the sink. I make sweet love to it and right when I reach the height of ecstacy, I flip on the disposal unit and let it have its way with me.

      Apr 23, 2010 at 3:17 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #28.3   park rose

      Damn sink pluggers.

      Apr 23, 2010 at 4:45 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #28.4   infant tyrone bang

      I got a Woody just humming that būtte !
      Now where can I put this non-dairy creamer ?

      Apr 23, 2010 at 6:47 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #28.5   TacoSpice bang

      G: That was awesome. Love that tune!

      Apr 24, 2010 at 4:32 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #29   Edwina the Defrocked Nun

    Team Haiku.

    Apr 23, 2010 at 3:41 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #30   Mack

    #1. Because one might have to soak a dish. Period. It’s part of washing them. They all make my eyes bleed though, excluding the haiku. Because that’s just awesome clever.

    Apr 23, 2010 at 4:06 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #31   haiku!

    The haiku is from my office! It was one in a series — haiku, limericks, etc. So curious to know who else on that floor is reading (and submitting to) PA notes.

    Apr 23, 2010 at 5:06 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #32   Denny DelVecchio

    Had I read the top one in my wan, college days, your sink would have become my toilet.

    Apr 23, 2010 at 8:12 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #33   aaa bang

    You sully haiku
    Too good for your petty shit
    Gonna go sulk now…

    Apr 23, 2010 at 9:00 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #34   Mohandas Grande

    If I see dishes soaking in a sink unattended I just toss them.

    Apr 23, 2010 at 11:30 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #35   Blogmella bang

    It makes me very upset,
    When you leave your dirty plates,
    Because I am a virgin,
    And I haven’t any mates.

    Apr 24, 2010 at 4:42 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #36   Muppetkiller bang

    Except for the haiku, all of the other authors could have cleaned the dishes in the amount of time that it took them to write their poetry.

    Apr 24, 2010 at 10:09 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #37   TacoSpice bang

    This happened at work. Some guests arrived and the mgr. thought it would be cute to serve them coffee in real cups (we had paper cups available). Afterward, he put all 5 cups in the sink and they stayed there for a few days. No one would touch them. No one took responsibility, so I threw them all away. End of story. No need for any notes. Ahhh, felt good, too.

    Apr 24, 2010 at 4:37 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #38   kp

    I self confess for leaving passive aggressive notes about soaking dishes. It was a neat little XX Number of days since dishes started soaking note that was incremented every day. However, I no longer felt like an asshole when the number got above 21 days.

    Apr 25, 2010 at 11:34 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #39   Denny DelVecchio

    Haiku? No.

    Dirty limerick? Yes, please.

    Apr 25, 2010 at 12:35 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #40   TacoSpice bang

    There once were some dishes so greasy
    Their stench made me feel very queasy
    Its owners were lazy
    Their memories hazy
    and their rotten behavior was cheesy

    Apr 25, 2010 at 7:19 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #41   undrline bang

    I work in a big office. Someone does keep leaving their stuff to soak in the sink. It appears that they believe that putting it in the front left corner somehow makes it less nasty/in the way/selfish/rude. How do I get them to stop without leaving a note? I’m likely never to meet this person or find out who it is …

    Apr 26, 2010 at 2:18 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #42   Ozymandias

    I have a cousin who wouldn’t have to wash dishes at the North Carolina dorm suite. He was actually born in a barn.

    May 28, 2010 at 11:06 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     

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