Trash talk

April 27th, 2010 · 93 comments

I’m sure these ladies thank their lucky stars every day that they have each other as roommates. Wouldn’t you?

YOU LADIES ARE LUCKY IM NOT PETTY Because I could easily SAY

related: Your trash stinks. Grow up, thanks.

FILED UNDER: apostrophe abuse · college life · garbage · mean girls · Orlando · roommates · that's disgusting · whiteboard


93 responses so far ↓

  • #1   Having Fitz

    Dear Roomie: probably about the same as yours, I guess. Surrounded by pop-cans, used tissues, candy wrappers, and some empty plants. Oh…sorry, I thought you said “recliner.”

    Apr 27, 2010 at 6:10 pm   rating: 15  small thumbs up

    • #1.1   Fridge Pirate

      Your vagina was fucking delicious! :o)

      Apr 27, 2010 at 8:34 pm   rating: 14  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.2   Sue Do Nim bang

      That’s what he said.

      Apr 28, 2010 at 12:17 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.3   mamason bang

      Don’t you dare…

      Apr 28, 2010 at 10:52 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #2   park rose bang

    Just as well she’s not Petty, because I doubt there’d be anyway she’d break my heart.

    Apr 27, 2010 at 6:10 pm   rating: 19  small thumbs up

    • #2.1   infant tyrone bang

      Ya Don’t Have Ta Live Like a Refuseé ?

      Apr 28, 2010 at 10:56 am   rating: 10  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.2   Mace Elaine

      I’m learning to fly,
      my pad ain’t got wings
      Throwing trash out
      Is the hardest thing.

      Apr 28, 2010 at 4:21 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.3   park rose bang

      Yes, Mace Elaine, the writing does looks like someone waved a flag at a red bull.

      Apr 28, 2010 at 5:07 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #3   park rose bang

    Sounds like that time of the month for the ladies. Am I right, other ladies, or am I right? Should be a courtesy wrap, for sure. Also, are the ladies referred to in the note the amazing conjoined twins? 2 heads, one heart, one vagina. I bet more than just a few of us might be curious as to what that might look like. It’s a Bono lyric in the making.

    Apr 27, 2010 at 6:12 pm   rating: 18  small thumbs up

    • #3.1   mamason bang

      Well, I for one, would like to see what their one, collective vagina looks like.
      8-O

      Apr 27, 2010 at 6:38 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.2   veritybrown

      I think you’re right, park rose. Team note-writer! No one wants to be forced to deal with other people’s bodily fluids.

      Apr 27, 2010 at 7:07 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.3   Sowhatas

      It is probably a gaping maw of noxious odors much like a pit of despair or Sammath Naur.

      Apr 28, 2010 at 9:05 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.4   Clumber

      I was totally Team Vagina until i read Rose’s hypothesis. If correct, then Team Aunt Flo needs to buy a fucking lidded garbage can for the bathroom and never, EVER let anyone be confronted by that sort of rot.

      Team Get a Fucking Garbage Can With A Lid !! (Team GaFGCWaL ? That sucks. I shall open the floor to suggestions for better Team Names with manageable acronyms. Team Mascot, however, is already chosen. Carrie.)

      Apr 28, 2010 at 9:29 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.5   Scribbles the Monkey bang

      I’m just gonna plug my ears with my index fingers here.

      Apr 28, 2010 at 9:54 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.6   Cady

      If that’s the case, I’m ALL team note-writer. Not wrapping is not cool. What if a guest comes over, not to mention your poor roommates?!

      Apr 28, 2010 at 1:00 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.7   Mace Elaine

      Borgina.

      Apr 28, 2010 at 4:12 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.8   park rose bang

      I’ve got something far more absorbent you could use to plug your ears, Scribbles. Comes in three sizes. The mini should do ;)

      Apr 28, 2010 at 4:43 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #4   shwonline bang

    Id Hate 2 See What Ur Vagina Looks Like = Worst Prince song ever.

    Apr 27, 2010 at 6:17 pm   rating: 124  small thumbs up

    • #4.1   dweeeebledee

      LMFAO!! Best comment EVER!!

      Apr 27, 2010 at 8:11 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.2   Escape Goat

      “Get off. 23 gross-items in my trash can. Get off.” Oh, Prince.

      Apr 27, 2010 at 10:03 pm   rating: 13  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.3   Blogmella bang

      Hahaha! GENIUS comment, shwonline!

      Not only the worst Prince song ever but also the most unlikely.

      Apr 28, 2010 at 4:15 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.4   jaywalke

      Great pick-up line, though.

      Apr 28, 2010 at 7:58 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.5   Sam S

      schwon owns the thread. Well done

      Apr 28, 2010 at 12:54 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #5   Woman on the Verge bang

    Geez. Next she’ll be saying, “Don’t use my vagina if you’re not gonna empty it!”

    Apr 27, 2010 at 6:23 pm   rating: 40  small thumbs up

    • #5.1   park rose

      Or, the family planning motto :Don’t use my vagina if you’re gonna empty into it.

      Apr 27, 2010 at 11:27 pm   rating: 11  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #6   gladystopia

    And I’m assuming NoteWriter’s girlybits have fluffy pink flowers and happy dancing unicorns floating around them, all tastefully done in the style of a 1960′s “What Every Young Girl Should Know” pamphlet???

    And also, she shits rainbows.

    Apr 27, 2010 at 6:24 pm   rating: 29  small thumbs up

     
  • #7   Splint Chesthair

    As a former janitor, I can see I’ve seen worse. I think everyone should be required to be a janitor for 6 months. Puts a lot of stuff into perspective.

    Apr 27, 2010 at 6:25 pm   rating: 39  small thumbs up

    • #7.1   Kat

      I salute you, sir or madam. After having worked in a job where all I had to do in a janitorial capacity was empty restroom trash and sanitary bags at the end of the day I can’t imagine what you would have seen.

      We don’t pay janitors enough. I would argue you CAN’T pay janitors enough.

      Apr 27, 2010 at 6:37 pm   rating: 18  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.2   gladystopia

      Splint, you have my utmost respect on THAT one. I think I’d rather be the Assistant Organ-Sweeper-Upper In Charge of Extra-Gunky Cases at the County Morgue (and this IS Chicago, so our morgue gets some heavy shit) than have to clean a single stall in the ladies’ restroom where I work.

      I do not understand how women, all of whom are at least of an age to be getting advanced degrees at a snob-ass “highly regarded” business school, can suddenly devolve into pathogen-spewing barn animals at the slide of a bathroom door-latch. Those bathrooms make my catbox look hygienic.

      Apr 27, 2010 at 6:52 pm   rating: 17  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.3   oi bang

      Cue: every janitor come here and bash women restrooms.
      Also, If you don’t tip you server, you have no right to walk on this “sacred but unjust to servers” earth.

      Apr 27, 2010 at 7:10 pm   rating: 11  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.4   Xenobiologista

      That, or work in foodservice. I did both in college – totally makes you hate your classmates.

      Apr 28, 2010 at 12:48 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.5   Splint Chesthair

      Well, I’d rather be a janitor than have to deal in the service industry. I think cleaning up after them is easier than dealing with them face to face. All I meant was that after cleaning up after them,your definition of “gross” gets a pretty high bar which enables you to deal with a lot of everyday messies a lot easier.

      Apr 28, 2010 at 6:44 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.6   Sowhatas

      “pathogen-spewing barn animals”

      Apr 28, 2010 at 9:08 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.7   Mark bang

      You know, the pathogens get everywhere when the barn animals spew them. Even on your TOOTHBRUSH! Mythbusters proved it!

      Apr 28, 2010 at 9:34 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #8   Woman on the Verge bang

    I’m just not sure the whole trash can/vagina comparison is working…

    Apr 27, 2010 at 6:31 pm   rating: 19  small thumbs up

    • #8.1   Some one else

      I think that bit was just standard trash talk, haven’t you heard women yell that at each other during pick up games of basketball? It’s in the “your genitalia is unsuitable” class of taunts.

      Apr 27, 2010 at 6:37 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.2   Resident Grammarian esq bang

      That’s right you lint licker! These cootie queens have nothing on us!

      Apr 27, 2010 at 8:31 pm   rating: 13  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.3   Sean Jungian

      I actually prefer that class of taints.

      Apr 27, 2010 at 9:28 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.4   sleeps

      What the french, toast??

      Apr 28, 2010 at 1:30 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #9   mamason bang

    That reminds me… I need to go to the gynecologist.

    Apr 27, 2010 at 6:36 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

    • #9.1   Woman on the Verge bang

      To see what they’re collecting in there or to take out the trash?

      Apr 27, 2010 at 6:37 pm   rating: 15  small thumbs up

       
    • #9.2   mamason bang

      Both, WotV. Both.

      Apr 27, 2010 at 6:42 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #10   infant tyrone bang

    The surgical precision with which the note writer removed half of the top of that frozen food package rather than just doing the typically specified “peel top back halfway and stir to insure a crispy topping” puts me in awe of her physical capabilities.

    This state of awe is considerably diminished by the quickness with which she parlays the explicit mental connection between a/her gross trash can and her roommates’/neighbors’ vaginas into the implicit connection between that same gross trash can and her own private splendor.

    Well, we may have to make Prince a little richer, but we won’t be payin’ no royalties on that old Carly Simon tune, “You’re So Vain”.

    Apr 27, 2010 at 6:50 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

     
  • #11   Kate

    I think the writer was addressing two issues. #1 – meaning to mention the trash, #2 – meaning to tell them once again, and more emphatically, that she didn’t want to play doctor.

    Apr 27, 2010 at 7:00 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

     
  • #12   claw71 bang

    Petty? You? Never! Inarticulate? Sure. Crude? Definitely. Inconsiderate, selfish, insulting, and inhospitable? Absolutely–but not petty.

    By the way, while we’re on the subject of vaginae, have you heard of Vagisil? We’re not exactly sure what your vagina looks like but every so often when you move just so, we’re treated to the most unpleasant aroma. It’s like sardines, sourdough and over-cooked cabbage.

    Apr 27, 2010 at 8:10 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #12.1   se

      so what’s wrong with that, had a sandwich made just like that yesterday, with mustard

      Apr 27, 2010 at 8:37 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.2   mamason bang

      se, I’ve told you time and again to stay out of my drawers.

      Apr 27, 2010 at 10:49 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.3   Gandalf

      I had that sandwich at a Mongolian BBQ once, with Beaver mustard. It was fucking delicious!

      Apr 28, 2010 at 2:42 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #13   Denny DelVecchio

    This makes me think of Christmas 2003, when I gave my then best girl a $50 gift certificate to her gynecologist.

    It didn’t go as planned.

    Apr 27, 2010 at 8:17 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

     
  • #14   Tim Kolb

    Show me your cooter and I will empty your trash!

    Apr 27, 2010 at 8:27 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

     
  • #15   Silence

    I don’t know what my vagina looks like, but my trashcan definitely looks like a twat: pink, moist, a truly distinct odor, and the odd bit of hair stuck along the rim.

    Apr 27, 2010 at 8:44 pm   rating: 18  small thumbs up

    • #15.1   Divvitar

      LMFAO!

      Apr 28, 2010 at 1:18 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #15.2   mamason bang

      When referring to my vagina, I prefer the term, “scent”, no matter how much more accurate odor may be. 8-O

      Apr 28, 2010 at 1:37 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #16   Shannon

    Well logically, if they don’t empty their roommate’s trash, their “vagina” must be full of refuse as well.

    Doesn’t everyone immediately think of a big ol’ vag when they see an overflowing trash can?

    Apr 27, 2010 at 8:49 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

     
  • #17   Escape Goat

    “PS: I wrote this with a bloody tampon. This IS gross. “

    Apr 27, 2010 at 9:47 pm   rating: 18  small thumbs up

    • #17.1   Clumber

      Goated one; I have never before felt such overwhelming disgust* while thumbing a PANer’s comment. And if I could, you’d get a dozen more thumbs, but alas Error :Already Voted!

      *ok, maybe a couple times when thumbing Claw….

      Apr 28, 2010 at 9:35 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #17.2   Woman on the Verge bang

      Dear Clumber, I thumbed Goat for you. Have a nice day. Love, Wo

      Apr 28, 2010 at 9:38 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #17.3   Escape Goat

      I’m always down for a good thumbin’. Now I better wash my hands.

      Apr 28, 2010 at 7:40 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #18   Sed

    Is the Ur-vagina some form of proto-genitalia?

    Apr 27, 2010 at 9:54 pm   rating: 16  small thumbs up

     
  • #19   TippingCows

    I first read it as “you ladies are lucky I’m not pretty” which made me wonder what that had to do with allowing people to use her trash (by the way, unless there is a trash can in YOUR bedroom how do you claim trash in common areas)?

    Apr 27, 2010 at 11:06 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

    • #19.1   AuntyBron

      So did I, Tipper! Great minds mis-read alike!

      Apr 27, 2010 at 11:51 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #19.2   Mace Elaine

      Third to misread. I wonder what it would be like to live with a self-identified ugly person?

      Apr 28, 2010 at 4:16 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #20   Catburglar

    Dear not-petty, I know we live in a world where many things feminine are denigrated and undervalued, but I must tell you that thinking of your vagina, much less the UR-vagina, as comparable to a trash can, will only redound upon you in negative ways. If you stopped straddling that trash can in such a protective manner, I’m sure you’d immediately realize the distinction.

    Apr 28, 2010 at 12:34 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

     
  • #21   Xenobiologista

    What is it with people who live together but can’t even TALK to each other like decent human beings?

    Apr 28, 2010 at 12:51 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #21.1   molly ringwald

      because people are passive agressive.

      and i think it would be hard to say “i’d hate 2 see what ur vagina looks like” to someone’s face.

      Apr 28, 2010 at 8:17 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #21.2   mamason bang

      Apparently it’s not that difficult. I got that a lot after my youngest was born weighing in at 11 lbs.

      Apr 28, 2010 at 10:58 am   rating: 11  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #22   Divvitar

    I’m still trying to wrap my brain around what was so wrong that prompted the whole vag thing…were their tampons twisted into strange shapes or was there a coating of some strange cheese on them?

    Apr 28, 2010 at 1:22 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #23   RA

    “But seriously…” LOL

    Apr 28, 2010 at 2:13 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

     
  • #24   TheOldSchool bang

    When one receptacle is already filled, why not just just use the one on the other side?

    Not to be holier than thou, but God has provided us with more than one repository.

    Apr 28, 2010 at 3:22 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #24.1   Splint Chesthair

      Well, la-di-da, looky who’s got the money to have TWO trash buckets in the house.

      Apr 28, 2010 at 6:45 am   rating: 11  small thumbs up

       
    • #24.2   Woman on the Verge bang

      Um… Splint? TOS wasn’t talking trash cans there.

      Apr 28, 2010 at 7:37 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #24.3   infant tyrone bang

      trash can : commode :: vagina : ?

      Mr. TOS, is that one gonna be on the final ?
      Could we get extra credit if we wrote a compare and contrast
      essay with trash can and vagina ?
      Wasn’t that the bell ?
      Jeez, when’s lunch ?

      Apr 28, 2010 at 11:31 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #25   Splint Chesthair

    I know, “trash bucket” is my pet name for my wife.

    /not really, misinterpreted.

    Apr 28, 2010 at 8:09 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #25.1   Woman on the Verge bang

      And you failed to gigglebrax. Not your day, is it?

      Apr 28, 2010 at 8:35 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #25.2   gavin

      I prefer spunk bin ;)… and I would hate to have to look at her vagina; do people really actually look down?

      Apr 28, 2010 at 8:44 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #25.3   park rose bang

      So you get, but don’t give, huh, gavin?

      Apr 28, 2010 at 4:50 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #25.4   mamason bang

      Is that why papa calls me spunky?

      Apr 28, 2010 at 6:06 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #25.5   infant tyrone bang

      rose,
      Maybe a hemispheric slang differential at work here, but I’m pretty sure Gavin means to say he gives, but doesn’t get, as he leaves the getting to his colleagues/neighbors down the hall, Mrs. & Mr. Felch, who then join him (Gav) in a little snowballing, even, curiously, on long hot summer nights.

      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5gwHqb-3ATk

      Apr 28, 2010 at 6:33 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #25.6   park rose bang

      So he goes down then ty? Sorry, I misunderstood.

      Apr 28, 2010 at 11:50 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #25.7   TheOldSchool bang

      Some of these contemporary pet names for a loved ones vagina strike me as being a bit sexist.

      Call me romantic, but if I’m having it off with someone special, I refer to her pussy as “my little cum bucket.”

      If I’m not, it’s just an “axe wound.”

      The use of demeaning or crudely phrased anatomical terms is not only hurtful, but also unnecessary.

      Apr 29, 2010 at 1:40 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #26   Pterosaur

    “I’m not petty” = “I’m about to say something terribly petty, rude, or otherwise offensive.” See also: “No offense,” “With all due respect,” and “I don’t mean that in a bad way.”

    Apr 28, 2010 at 8:36 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

     
  • #27   Bunnee

    Well, if her vag looks anything like that dry erase board, it has razor stubble….

    Apr 28, 2010 at 9:34 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

     
  • #28   Monzo Matic bang

    iadies? What’s that? Because she has written in CAPS that is not a capital L.

    I like the consistency of caps and lower case.

    Apr 28, 2010 at 9:40 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #29   matt

    I could easily say “stop using a BLOODY RED MARKER ALREADY and use a CLEAN whiteboard – DIRTY whiteboards make me OCD” but I won’t – but seriously..

    and the <3 Ross thing, that's a subliminal message to the ladies to meet "Ross" for some personal trash removal during lunch break in the walk-in stationary cupboard

    Apr 28, 2010 at 9:47 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #30   Edwina the Defrocked Nun

    GAG! when I reached the penultimate line.

    Apr 28, 2010 at 4:04 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #31   aaa bang

    Asking people to empty a trash can they fill isn’t petty, but writing a passive aggressive note is.

    Apr 28, 2010 at 4:36 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #31.1   oi bang

      Seriously aaa? did I ever know that?! :P

      Apr 28, 2010 at 4:47 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #31.2   aaa bang

      I AM FULL OF SERIOUS. THE INTERNET IS SERIOUS BUSINESS.

      Apr 28, 2010 at 9:38 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #32   infanttyrone

    For any re-visitors who haven’t lost your appetite or sense of humor…

    http://www.buzzfeed.com/scott/vagina-cupcakes

    Kinda like snowflakes ?

    Apr 29, 2010 at 10:24 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #33   Leslie

    I read this as a garbage can full of used condoms, but that might just be because my friend has the same problem with her roommate…

    May 1, 2010 at 12:26 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #34   Rebecca

    IS there such a thing as an attractive vagina? I mean, one you really really want to see and you can’t help but say, “Wow! That’s a cute vagina! It’s not gross at all!”

    May 1, 2010 at 9:13 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #34.1   dave

      So are you a straight woman then? can I have your number? I always utter those words when I see one.
      I can prove it to you.. Can I have your number?

      May 1, 2010 at 10:23 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #35   Why can't we stop leaving each other bitchy notes on the whiteboard? | PassiveAggressiveNotes.com

    [...] looking to improve your relationships with your roommates, communicating through the erasable whiteboard might not be the most effective way to [...]

    Jun 29, 2010 at 5:05 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     

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