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I am beautiful, no matter what they say (or passive-aggressively insinuate)

April 28th, 2010 · 143 comments

Katie in Oklahoma City was cleaning out a box of wedding memorabilia when she rediscovered this note from her mother, written just after she paid for Katie’s wedding dress.

Although I know a lot of brides who would have immediately ripped this card (and the enclosed check) to bits, Katie accepted the gift with impressively good humor. “I found it funny,” she says, “because it’s just the way my Mom is. She signed my Dad’s name too, but it’s from her…just her.”

Dear Katie, You are beautiful now. We are sure you will be a beautiful bride. To help insure our wedding dress investment, please buy some scales of your choosing with this money and weigh yourself once a week. We love you and want you to enjoy your wedding day. This present might help with some of the stress. With love, Mom & Dad

“Oh, and just FYI,” Katie adds, “I think I weighed 115 pounds at the time this note was written.”

related: Loose lips shrink hips?

extra credit: We hope there’s a Borg scale for every bride! [LIFE magazine, 1961]

FILED UNDER: "helpful" advice · a little insensitive · hey fatty · Moms & Dads · money · most popular notes of 2010 · Mother-daughter notes · oh no you didn't · Oklahoma · signed with love · weddings and bridezillas

143 responses so far ↓

  • #1   Rae

    Wow. I’m just surprised at how normal the daughter sounds.

    Apr 28, 2010 at 6:18 pm   rating: 191  small thumbs up

    • #1.1   passerby

      Emotional abuse is a lot easier to find funny when you’re a long way away from it.

      Apr 29, 2010 at 1:38 am   rating: 205  small thumbs up

    • #1.2   claw71 bang

      It’s also easier to take when your parents spend the portion of their retirement savings that didn’t go *poof* in the economic collapse on your wedding dress. I think this note was less a P/A dig at Katie’s eating disorder than it was a shot at her lack of restraint when picking out her gown. Notice the use of the word “investment”. Yeah, mom’s not too happy that she’ll have to work into her early 90s to pay off this fucking wedding.

      Apr 29, 2010 at 9:36 am   rating: 86  small thumbs up

    • #1.3   Pterosaur

      Normally, I’m in favor of the bride & groom paying for their own lavish wedding. But, wow, Mom sucks. The only scales here are the ones growing out of the old harpy’s back.

      I hope that Katie hired the London Philharmonic, trained doves to spell out her name in the sky, paid James Cameron to film the event, and sent Mom the bill for more investment opportunities.

      Apr 29, 2010 at 10:40 am   rating: 175  small thumbs up

    • #1.4   claw71 bang

      Martin Scorsese. If you really want to get even with your snarky mother you hire him to film the wedding. He might not break the budget quite like Cameron, but there’s a good chance Joe Pesci might sign on to shoot your mom in the face.

      Apr 29, 2010 at 11:35 am   rating: 85  small thumbs up

    • #1.5   Nowax

      Normal? No way! If she thought it was “funny”, she’s just like her mother and is going to do the same thing to her kid. It’s no wonder there are so many anorexics and bulimics in this world.

      Apr 29, 2010 at 11:24 pm   rating: 39  small thumbs up

    • #1.6   Lisap

      I love that she thought this gift would HELP the stress of preparing everything for the wedding day.

      May 13, 2010 at 1:22 am   rating: 43  small thumbs up

  • #2   Vespa

    Ouch! Thanks Mom!

    Apr 28, 2010 at 6:19 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

  • #3   molly ringwald

    “somes” scales? how fat is katie to begin with that one scale just won’t do?

    maybe her mother has reason to be concerned.

    Apr 28, 2010 at 6:20 pm   rating: 36  small thumbs up

    • #3.1   Atella

      If see the note under the picture…it says she weighed about 115.
      I’m sure her mother is just nuts.

      Apr 28, 2010 at 6:23 pm   rating: 40  small thumbs up

    • #3.2   park rose bang

      I think it is the Scales of Justice, though, not The Scale, and Justice holds two measures, but I think the measures, as well as the overall measuring appliance is/are called either scale/scales.
      I’m going with this one

      A system of ordered marks at fixed intervals used as a reference standard in measurement: a ruler with scales in inches and centimeters.

      When weighing oneself, the scales are in grams or kilograms, or pounds (and ounces?), or stones.

      Just getting all pedantic.

      Apr 28, 2010 at 11:41 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

    • #3.3   AuntyBron

      No, No – put Katie on one scale and a duck on the other. “…Logically, if she weighs the same as a duck then she’s made out of wood and therefore…” She’s a witch.

      Apr 28, 2010 at 11:49 pm   rating: 198  small thumbs up

    • #3.4   passerby

      We pluralise “scales” in the UK. Not sure why.

      Apr 29, 2010 at 1:31 am   rating: 25  small thumbs up

    • #3.5   mamason bang

      Evidently y’all pluralise “somes” as well.

      Apr 29, 2010 at 11:40 am   rating: 24  small thumbs up

    • #3.6   passerby

      That’d seem to be just an Oklahoma thing…

      Apr 29, 2010 at 11:50 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

    • #3.7   sleeps

      AuntyBron, let’s build a bridge out of her!

      Apr 29, 2010 at 12:48 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

    • #3.8   R.M.

      As an Okie, I have never said scales.

      Apr 29, 2010 at 6:32 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #3.9   DogVomit

      A lot of Oklahomans say “scales”.
      BTW, she’s only 115 #, so knock it off “Molly Ringwald”

      May 3, 2010 at 11:54 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #3.10   dave

      You have a very lovely name… I would read your comments (that spewed all over this board, btw) but it’s beauty keeps distracting me.

      May 3, 2010 at 11:59 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

  • #4   Lurker

    Sounds like something my mother would have done – but I want to know, did she gain any weight before the wedding? Did she have to let the dress out??

    Apr 28, 2010 at 6:20 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

  • #5   habermama

    “PS: For every pound you gain after receiving this notice, we will enjoy your wedding that much less exponentially.”

    Apr 28, 2010 at 6:21 pm   rating: 110  small thumbs up

  • #6   Sabine

    I would have used the money to buy four dozen Cinnabons.

    Apr 28, 2010 at 6:22 pm   rating: 234  small thumbs up

    • #6.1   molly ringwald bang

      good call. and then i would have taken a picture of myself eating them and sent it to her.

      Apr 28, 2010 at 6:28 pm   rating: 108  small thumbs up

    • #6.2   Angela


      Apr 30, 2010 at 8:09 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

  • #7   Misanthrope

    Is it any wonder that countless girls fuck up their lives through starvation and binging/purging?

    Apr 28, 2010 at 6:23 pm   rating: 75  small thumbs up

    • #7.1   TheOldSchool bang

      Here is my professional medical advice to all young women who are considering a careers as professional pop singers: When it comes to weight loss, it is far wiser to use anorexia rather than bulimia.

      The binge and purge aspects of bulimia tend to destroy your vocal chords.

      Karen Carpenter’s pipes remained pure, golden, and pristine until the day anorexia killed her.

      The cost savings you’ll enjoy while you’re still alive are just an added bonus.

      Apr 29, 2010 at 1:05 am   rating: 42  small thumbs up

    • #7.2   gavin

      Wow :O harsh

      Lil old Mandy is gonna be sitting in her room, knee-deep in her vomit, bawling her eyes out because of your comment:

      It’s ok lil Mandy, Cheryl Cole can’t sing either. You may have had to be able to sing in the “TheOldDays”, he didn’t mean it

      Apr 29, 2010 at 4:05 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #7.3   claw71 bang

      TOS, I generally like you, which is apparently rather rare around these parts, but this time you’ve gone too far. Eating disorders are serious business and some of us have been deeply affected by them.

      Speaking as somebody who lost two people who were very dear to me to both of these horrible disorders I can’t even begin to tell you how wrong you are.

      First of all, because of the obvious nutritional concerns, anorexics tend to suffer vocal problems more quickly then bulimics. Secondly, because bulimics are actually exercising the esophageal muscles, bulimics actually maintain greater vocal integrity than anorexics.

      I’m not a big fan of eating disorders. While I do like my women on the lean side, I don’t like skeletons. So I tend to dump them before they get too skinny.

      As for which I prefer, I used to like anorexics because they usually didn’t have the perpetual odor of barf on their breath, but have you ever tried to get a blow job from an annie? They get to a point where they won’t put anything in their mouths. It’s frustrating. Yeah, they’ll do anal but that’s not nearly as fun when you’re getting poked (or stabbed) by a coccyx .

      Bulimics are not only willing to take one in the jibs, but they’ll even swallow. Granted, they tend to make a quick run for the commode for an immediate purging, but at least they finish the job.

      I hope you take my point of view under advisement and post with a little more sensitivity in the future.

      Apr 29, 2010 at 4:45 pm   rating: 40  small thumbs up

    • #7.4   TheOldSchool bang


      Wow. Now I feel guilty for offering advice that
      — while certainly heartfelt — may have come across as being insensitive to all of those who have battled (up close and personally) with these viciously devastating eating disorders.

      I had no idea that you had suffered the tragedy of losing loved ones to these diseases. I very much appreciate your giving me the skinny.

      Back in 1979, I had the pleasure of engaging in a long conversation with a legendary maharishi. That evening, he gave me some advice that I’ll never ever forget.

      He told me that while the bulimic puke breath problem could never be completely eradicated, it could be alleviated simply by hitting upon the drunk, horny, midget-sized bulimics.

      As for the annies, he told me that I’d be be better off just stealing an art school skeleton and pretending that she was either my sickly, non-responsive wife, or an anorexic. “hard body” sex doll.

      Claw, I want to thank you for reminding us that just because we are sincere when we offer well-intended advice in our comments, it doesn’t necessarily grant us immunity from inadvertently stumbling into pastures made green from the tears of those of have trod before us.

      It’s not such a difficult modus operandi to follow.

      (1) Think about to whom you’re posting whatever it is you’re posting.

      (2) Try to imagine how they might react to what you’re about to say.

      (3) Dramamine is a great medicinal tool for coping with squeamish types who are cncerned about gag reflex issues.

      P.S., For your sake, I do hope that if your two dead chick friends recover, they at least come back with fresher breath.

      Apr 30, 2010 at 4:21 am   rating: 39  small thumbs up

  • #8   Melodie

    I remember the day a lady I worked with showed me her daughter’s wedding photos. I said “Oh my god, she’s so beautiful!” and my coworker snorted and said, “She’s too fat.”

    Apr 28, 2010 at 6:26 pm   rating: 54  small thumbs up

    • #8.1   Mark bang

      Team Fat Chicks.

      Apr 28, 2010 at 11:26 pm   rating: 91  small thumbs up

    • #8.2   a-Arialist

      To the girl’s mother? Harsh!

      Apr 29, 2010 at 4:18 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

  • #9   FRisty

    i’m so parched and FIRSTY!!

    Apr 28, 2010 at 6:27 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #9.1   bug


      Apr 28, 2010 at 6:38 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

  • #10   sleater

    I love me somes scales…

    Apr 28, 2010 at 6:32 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

  • #11   oi bang

    Isn’t 115 is underweight for average height woman in US? She has not mentioned her height so I am assuming her at average height (around 5’4″) that gives 124-138 lbs as healthy weight. May be her mother was being sarcastic as in asking her to get onto fatter/healthier side and not on thiner side. She does not say either way in her card really.
    May be indeed that was the case and submitter thought it would be funnier if she says the story this way. not very realistic though. She should have stuck with real number, 150lbs. She would still garner the sympathy. (Sidenote: 150lb is @5′-4″ is not fat it’s realistic)
    or simply enough mom is psycho really.

    Apr 28, 2010 at 6:36 pm   rating: 11  small thumbs up

    • #11.1   wake me when it's over

      115 lbs may be underweight if you are concerned about health, but not for Americans — personal well-being holds far less importance than outward appearance.

      5’6″ 113 lbs. and I have been called “fat” … ahh, living the American DREAM.

      Apr 28, 2010 at 7:00 pm   rating: 41  small thumbs up

    • #11.2   swansoncide

      Oh, please.

      Apr 28, 2010 at 10:03 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

    • #11.3   Sittingnjello

      Here, oi. Knock yourself out.

      Apr 28, 2010 at 11:43 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #11.4   matt

      115lbs underweight? I would have thought anything up to 200lbs would be considered underweight for some parts of the US.

      Apr 29, 2010 at 12:23 am   rating: 16  small thumbs up

    • #11.5   Mace Elaine

      Or she’s 4’5.

      Apr 29, 2010 at 6:24 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #11.6   Xenobiologista

      I moved from the USA back to my home country in Southeast Asia and thence to Singapore last year. Instant conversion from S/XS to M/L, and I’m not just talking about height. Depending on which part of the world you live in, people can have drastically different ideas of what “average” size is.

      May 2, 2010 at 8:51 am   rating: 11  small thumbs up

    • #11.7   jnettie

      at 5’3″, when I was 115 lbs, I was often told that my thighs were too big. I could feel my hip bones, but my thighs were considered fat.

      This is the crazy double standard of America. We have more fat people than any other country, but our standards of beauty are so ridiculous that no matter how thin you are, you’ll never be thin enough.

      Jun 1, 2010 at 11:38 pm   rating: 67  small thumbs up

  • #12   AnonCow

    I am assuming that the flaming bag of poop on her mother’s doorstep on May 9th will be Katy’s Mother’s Day present???

    Apr 28, 2010 at 6:37 pm   rating: 38  small thumbs up

  • #13   G bang


    Their “investment.”

    Reducing stress by adding something unnecessary and designed to be stressful.

    Sounds like a glorious wedding preparation and a top-notch family.

    Apr 28, 2010 at 6:37 pm   rating: 35  small thumbs up

  • #14   zenvelo

    isn’t it hard to sew scales onto a wedding dress? “something old, something new, something snarky and mom loves you”

    Apr 28, 2010 at 6:38 pm   rating: 95  small thumbs up

  • #15   Reb


    Apr 28, 2010 at 6:44 pm   rating: 21  small thumbs up

    • #15.1   matt

      No no! That would be being petty. She would have to say
      “I could easily say Lose weight you fat heifer, but I won’t – That would make me a petty, pendantic, bitchy, lost-touch-with-reality mother of the bride now wouldn’t it.”

      Apr 29, 2010 at 12:46 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

  • #16   Sarah

    Wow. Does her mom know my mom? ‘Cause I thought, “Good thing we bought the fat dress,” when I dared order some ice cream after we bought my dress was bad…

    Apr 28, 2010 at 6:55 pm   rating: 61  small thumbs up

    • #16.1   gladystopia

      I didn’t realize my mother apparently had at least two more sisters than she’s acknowledged, because Sarah, Katie and I are CLEARLY related.

      Team “If You Think The Wedding Dress Is Pricey, Wait Til I Send You The Therapy Bills!”

      Apr 28, 2010 at 7:02 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #17   Pterosaur

    How is a wedding dress an investment? Is Mom profiting from the wedding? Does she get 15% of the gifts and the net cash bar sales?

    Team Elopement.

    Apr 28, 2010 at 7:01 pm   rating: 87  small thumbs up

    • #17.1   ClearlyDemented

      Well, since she’s ‘insuring’ it, it must be pretty expensive. My guess is that Kathy Hilton bought it for Paris during one of her many engagements (obviously all that information up top is bull$#!t). She planned on auctioning it off (with underwear, of course; she’s classy that way) after Paris’ first divorce.

      Apr 28, 2010 at 7:17 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

  • #18   shwonline bang

    Wedding dress: $1000

    Greeting card: $2.25

    Bathroom scale: $45

    Instilling a lifetime eating disorder in your daughter: priceless

    Apr 28, 2010 at 7:03 pm   rating: 144  small thumbs up

  • #19   ClearlyDemented

    I would have to use the money to buy a thrift store ‘Mother of the Bride’ dress in lime green (possibly puke yellow). And it would absolutely destroy me if she didn’t wear that gift on my special day.

    Apr 28, 2010 at 7:11 pm   rating: 69  small thumbs up

    • #19.1   Pterosaur

      Remember now, that Mother of the Bride dress isn’t a gift. It’s an investment. Of $9.00. ($4.50 on Tag Sale Day.)

      And the only one they had is a size too small, so Mom had better lay off the bonbons and hit that treadmill. She needs to look beautiful for your special day, after all.

      Apr 29, 2010 at 10:57 am   rating: 49  small thumbs up

  • #20   RA

    Mother (you cow), is that you?

    You never told me you had another daughter called Katie…How come you paid forher wedding dress…and a pair of scales…(*sob*)

    And which dad is that?

    Apr 28, 2010 at 7:21 pm   rating: 29  small thumbs up

  • #21   laura

    that’s it. i’m wearing a muumuu to my wedding.

    Apr 28, 2010 at 7:28 pm   rating: 18  small thumbs up

  • #22   farcical aquatic ceremony

    Dear Mom,

    You’re right, I did need scales–metaphorical scales, that is, to weigh my self-respect against my need for wedding frills I can’t afford to cover myself.

    You’ll be glad to hear that I came down on the side of spineless materialism! I’ll just sublimate my pain into a manageable ache (perhaps through some intensive scrapbooking), and before you know it I’ll be able to tell myself this was just about “mom being mom”, and certainly not about mom being a total fucking bitch.

    With love,

    Apr 28, 2010 at 7:34 pm   rating: 65  small thumbs up

  • #23   Denny DelVecchio

    Sister should have run out for a pint of Ben & Jerry’s immediately thereafter and let the chips fall where they may.

    Apr 28, 2010 at 7:34 pm   rating: 13  small thumbs up

    • #23.1   LordOfThePants

      Why stop there? Eat the chips, too.

      Apr 29, 2010 at 10:54 am   rating: 63  small thumbs up

  • #24   Michelle

    I think my favorite part is the opening line, “You are beautiful now.” She didn’t think her daughter was beautiful before? Yiiiiiiiikes.

    Apr 28, 2010 at 7:37 pm   rating: 45  small thumbs up

    • #24.1   oh really

      I’m 99% positive, from the rest of the note, that “you’re beautiful now” was code for “at this weight, right here. But if you gain a single ounce, all bets are off.” Of course, no matter how you interpret that sentence, mom still sucks at life.

      Apr 28, 2010 at 10:11 pm   rating: 69  small thumbs up

  • #25   ansert

    Reminds me of being 15 and my sister telling me I couldn’t be a bridesmaid unless I lost weight – all at 5’7″ and size 12. Welcome to the next 35 years of being skinny and now overweight and everything in between.
    Thank you SO much dear sister!

    Apr 28, 2010 at 7:42 pm   rating: 42  small thumbs up

    • #25.1   a-Arialist

      Yep – friend of mine is not being a bridesmaid at her best friend’s wedding because she (my friend) is pregnant and the baby is due 6 weeks before the wedding. Her ‘best friend’ doesn’t want her to be a bridesmaid because she thinks she’ll be too fat with baby weight and will ‘ruin the photos’. Good grief! The ‘best friend’ did have the cheek to ask her to match whatever she wears to the wedding to the bridesmaid’s dresses, though . . . !!!

      Apr 29, 2010 at 4:25 am   rating: 25  small thumbs up

    • #25.2   park rose bang

      . . . and she answered with a pregnant pause . . .

      Apr 29, 2010 at 9:54 pm   rating: 16  small thumbs up

    • #25.3   gugs

      This sounds like my sister. When modeling my bridesmaid dress for her wedding she said to me “X (The other bridesmaid) looks so nice in her dress. She’s skinny so she can wear anything”. I think I was a size 10 or 12 then – but even if I wasn’t – WTF is the difference. Seriously, what a bitch.

      Apr 30, 2010 at 8:33 pm   rating: 16  small thumbs up

    • #25.4   Helen

      I actually said the same to my sister who at 5’4″ and age 17 is a size 22 and morbidly obese, so I was hoping it would encourage her to get healthy because I don’t want to see her drop dead before she’s 20.
      Saying it to normal sized girls is asking for trouble though.

      Jul 24, 2010 at 7:55 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

  • #26   Escape Goat

    Weddings have always been tough times for the Moss family.

    Apr 28, 2010 at 7:47 pm   rating: 22  small thumbs up

  • #27   jessi

    the first thing i thought was it is a hint to not get pregnant before the big day… but that’s just how things would have went in families i know. :-)

    Apr 28, 2010 at 9:03 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

  • #28   debkatz

    Obviously, the words “…beautiful now” indicate a recent weight loss on the part of the bride. But nothing, NOTHING, accounts for anything that follows after that sentence. Did the bride marry at the age of 13 to escape her family?…cause there are pastries EVERYWHERE girlfriend, and you do NOT have to be married to partake…

    Apr 28, 2010 at 9:06 pm   rating: 27  small thumbs up

  • #29   aaa bang

    Translation: You were hideous before and now you’re tolerable. I’m shallow and have unrealistic ideas of how people should be proportioned and will only love you once I can see ribs.

    P.S. It would also help if you smashed all the bones in your feet and reset them so they’ll be smaller. Your giant boat feet will look awkward on you once you reach an acceptable weight.

    Apr 28, 2010 at 9:40 pm   rating: 69  small thumbs up

    • #29.1   Brian Jackson

      I have uttered this exact monologue to every woman I have ever dated. Is this why I’m so happily single?

      Apr 29, 2010 at 12:38 pm   rating: 18  small thumbs up

  • #30   MonaLisa (inCT)

    As someone with a mother who often volunteered the opinion that I’d be SO much prettier if I “… just lost the weight….”:

    “*Sigh*… just… fuckin’ *sigh*!

    Apr 28, 2010 at 10:04 pm   rating: 41  small thumbs up

    • #30.1   MonaLisa (inCT)

      Almost 2 hrs later, and I STILL can’t bring on the snark….

      Fuckin’ SIGH!

      Apr 28, 2010 at 10:46 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #30.2   Bunnee

      What about, “But you have such a pretty face!”?

      Apr 29, 2010 at 9:23 am   rating: 19  small thumbs up

    • #30.3   Bunnee bang

      ..or this: I have a friend who was told, “You have such small ankles for your size!”

      Yep, there’s plenty of snark when it comes to weight….

      Apr 29, 2010 at 9:37 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

    • #30.4   claw71 bang

      My grandmother was fond of saying “you carry it well.” She also told an aunt who was sporting new coif, “I like it. Short hair looks good on older women.”

      Apr 29, 2010 at 9:39 am   rating: 19  small thumbs up

  • #31   Kate

    That wedding dress was fucking delicious.

    Apr 28, 2010 at 10:13 pm   rating: 26  small thumbs up

    • #31.1   park rose bang

      It’s the scales that does it. Nice fishy aroma.

      Apr 28, 2010 at 11:47 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #31.2   infanttyrone

      Funny you should think of fish in your (secure?) undisclosed location.
      And @3.2 you’re going to some extent about measuring length.

      When I saw “scales” my memory dredged up 12-tone chromatic from a college music appreciation course.
      Being the researcher “they” (in loco parentis) trained me to be, I sought more and found it at the Wiki for “Musical Scales”. Imagine my delight in finding there is a scale used in jazz and modern classical called octatonic (8-tone, who’da thunk it?) that is also referred to as a “diminished” scale.

      Maybe Katie’s Mom is an updated version of David Foster Wallace’s and was just trying, in the family’s over-educated style, to help Katie keep her measurements in line with those of the dress without having to resort to something as declassé as Richard Simmons: Sweatin’ To The Oldies.
      Or does that sound fishy to you ? Feel free to weigh in at length…

      Apr 29, 2010 at 10:17 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

  • #32   MAMARILLA2 bang

    How is it that a dress that you wear only once, for a few hours, is thought of as an investment?
    Is it made out of bearer bonds? Is it made of precious metals and stones?

    Apr 28, 2010 at 10:53 pm   rating: 16  small thumbs up

    • #32.1   Mark bang

      Team bearer bond / sapphire / sapphic dress

      Apr 28, 2010 at 11:37 pm   rating: 15  small thumbs up

  • #33   molly

    I had to post the whole thing as an early mothers day present to my mom. I thank GOD she never made one comment about my weight, ever. As a result, I never even thought about it til I was in college. Thanks, Mamma. I had a childhood, not an eating disorder. I love you for it.

    Apr 28, 2010 at 10:53 pm   rating: 64  small thumbs up

    • #33.1   Natalia

      I would love to know what your mom said about it.

      Jun 2, 2010 at 8:59 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #34   mamason bang

    Worst conversation overheard at Potomac Mills Mall.

    daughter: “Oh, lets check out this store, mom!” :-)

    mom: “I don’t know, honey. I think they only sell normal sized clothing.” :-|

    daughter: “What?” :oops:

    Apr 28, 2010 at 11:33 pm   rating: 50  small thumbs up

  • #35   agenthousewife

    Wow. I would have eaten a whopper, wiped my mouth with the card and sent it back. Buy some scales?! EFF THAT NOISE.

    Apr 29, 2010 at 12:04 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

  • #36   claw71 bang

    But what do you weigh now Katie? Now that the wedding is over and all of the nuptial knickknacks have been stuffed into boxes, did you get back at your mom by porking out? Can you still fit into the dress or would your layers of gelatinous back fat rebel against the zipper and explode from it like guts out of a June bug when it meets a windshield at 65 miles per hour? Do you take it out on your husband? Do you scream at your kids? Do you flirt with the beverage manager at Trader Joe’s when you buy your weekly case of Two Buck Chuck, hoping one day he invites you behind the partition where he hides empty boxes and devours your voluptuous goodness the way you now devour a family size box of Pop Tarts?

    Apr 29, 2010 at 9:31 am   rating: 13  small thumbs up

    • #36.1   Brian Jackson

      I’m pretty sure you’re talking about by ex wife dude. Do you know something I don’t? ;)

      Apr 29, 2010 at 12:34 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #36.2   Katie

      Haha! I’ve enjoyed reading these. And to answer your questions I am a bit heavier than on my wedding day but I did just have a baby a few months ago. At a whopping 135 I’m still not overweight. Sadly I don’t think I could fit into that dress though so there’s goes that investment! I don’t take it out on my husband and I don’t scream at my kid and we don’t have a Trader Joe’s in OKC.

      Apr 29, 2010 at 7:18 pm   rating: 59  small thumbs up

    • #36.3   DogVomit

      I just want to say you are awesome for your great attitude!
      –Fellow Oklahoman with a “Pretty Face”

      May 3, 2010 at 11:46 am   rating: 15  small thumbs up

  • #37   Cady

    And people say the mass media give women body issues. With a mom like this, who needs the fashion industry?

    Apr 29, 2010 at 9:50 am   rating: 31  small thumbs up

  • #38   G

    Hmm, only 115 pounds, but 4 ft 10?

    Apr 29, 2010 at 10:41 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #38.1   sleeps

      36-24-36? Heh, only if she’s 5’3”.

      Apr 29, 2010 at 12:43 pm   rating: 29  small thumbs up

    • #38.2   DogVomit

      Really? That’s still pretty small! GEEZ!

      May 3, 2010 at 11:47 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #39   jaywalke

    “Oh thanks, Mom! And all I have to give in return is this big box of fuck you.”

    Apr 29, 2010 at 10:50 am   rating: 45  small thumbs up

  • #40   Bunnee

    Maybe if Mom practiced her relationship skills as much as she practiced her penmanship, Katie wouldn’t have to think, “It’s just the way my Mom is”….

    Apr 29, 2010 at 11:20 am   rating: 18  small thumbs up

  • #41   Sam S

    “We are sure you will be a beautiful bride”

    I would never miss an opportunity to speak like this to my mum from then on.

    “I am sure you will make a super mother-in-law. The probability is staggering.”

    “I am sure the grandkids will visit you often. You can bet the ranch on it.”

    “I am sure I won’t ever stick you in a nursing home. Not gonna happen. I don’t even know why I’m even bringing it up”

    Apr 29, 2010 at 12:11 pm   rating: 62  small thumbs up

  • #42   Brian Jackson

    Why does she need more than one scale? Is she supposed to strap them to her feet so that she can check her weight with every step down the isle?

    Apr 29, 2010 at 12:31 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

    • #42.1   DogVomit

      A lot of Oklahomans say “scales”.

      May 3, 2010 at 11:49 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

  • #43   Z

    I would have had fun making sure mom felt as old for the wedding as possible. “Gee Mom, your not botoxing your crows feet for my day? What about pictures!?”

    Apr 29, 2010 at 12:33 pm   rating: 24  small thumbs up

  • #44   Mills

    Dear Mom,
    I have reserved our flight for the appearance on “The Dr. Phil Show.” Thanks for the heads up about watching my weight. I could never have broken off the engagement without your help. The marriage probably wouldn’t have worked out anyway. Gosh, you are such a tremendous support! I don’t know how I could function without you!
    xoxo, Katie
    PS Please call the Eating Disorder Clinic and let them know I will be a few minutes late for my counseling session. I will be stopping by Burger King for 6 Whoppers on my way and then the rest stop to purge before I go.

    Apr 29, 2010 at 3:07 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

  • #45   RJ

    I would have bought a crate of Ex-Lax and sent mom the receipt so she could see her check went to good use in ‘insuring’ (learn to spell, mom) I didn’t gain a pound before wedding day. What a bee-yotch!

    Apr 29, 2010 at 3:44 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

  • #46   ISpy

    Dear Katie,
    You are beautiful now (THAT YOU LOST ALL THAT WEIGHT.) We are sure you will be a beautiful bride (BUT WE THINK YOU MAY RETURN TO YOUR EARLIER GLUTTONOUS WAYS.) To help insure our wedding dress investment (BECAUSE WE HAD BUDGETED FOR A CANVAS TENT NOT THE DESIGNER GOWN YOU INSISTED ON), please buy somes (CRAP, I ACCIDENTALLY ADDED AN “S” AND RUINED THE PERFECTION OF THIS NOTE) scales of your choosing with this money and weigh yourself once a week (AT LEAST. YOU KNOW HOW THOSE POUNDS CAN CREEP BACK ON.) We love you (MORE AT YOUR CURRENT WEIGHT) and want you to enjoy your wedding day (AT YOUR CURRENT WEIGHT.) This present might help with some of the stress (OF POSSIBLE WEIGHT GAIN, BUT NOT OF HAVING LAME, SHALLOW CONTROLLING PARENTS LIKE US.)

    With (CONDITIONAL) Love, Mom & Dad

    Apr 29, 2010 at 3:54 pm   rating: 82  small thumbs up

    • #46.1   oi bang

      Is Isuck your alter ego Ipsy? I mean biting is there, spite is there and amazingly it is used in a good way and not for picking fights with other commenters!
      There, there. It’s a compliment, don’t kick into evil persona.

      Apr 29, 2010 at 4:52 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #46.2   ISpy

      I thank you, oi, for your kind words. (I think.) The evil persona is in check. (For now.)

      Apr 29, 2010 at 6:55 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #47   Amber

    Wow… are you sure my MIL didn’t write this? I invited her with my wedding party to try on dresses. She seemed to think my size 2 dress was “squeezing my back fat” & told the sales person, bridesmaids, and anyone who would listen. And yeah, I needed a 4…

    Apr 29, 2010 at 4:06 pm   rating: 18  small thumbs up

    • #47.1   mamason bang

      Fatty. :-|

      Apr 29, 2010 at 5:04 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #47.2   DogVomit

      A FOUR??? That is tiny! I deem that woman a b!tch!

      May 3, 2010 at 11:50 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

  • #48   Rebekah

    Lucille Bluth from Arrested Development must have wrote this note

    Apr 29, 2010 at 4:17 pm   rating: 14  small thumbs up

  • #49   Chicken Underwear

    That is why we have therapists

    Apr 29, 2010 at 7:39 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

  • #50   Blogmella bang

    “Once a week”? That isn’t enough, surely? She should weigh herself every morning, every night, after everything she eats and every time she goes to the bathroom. Duh.

    Apr 30, 2010 at 1:36 am   rating: 12  small thumbs up

  • #51   The Rockie

    Whoever let a comment like this become the starter for “an eating disorder”, pretty much deserve the fucking “eating disorder”. This world is becoming way too PC.
    BTW, my mom is the best scale on weight issues “You’re WAY too skinny and not in a good way” (to me when I was 105 pounds), “You’re WAY too fat and not in a good way” (to my sis when she reached 200 pounds), “You look good” (to me when I was 128 pounds and my sis about 130 pounds). I am still skinny, my sister is still fat and we both eat, don’t starve, neither purge.

    Regarding your note, give us the background. Because, from my POV of view it can be interpreted as : “Do not lose anymore weight” or “Do not gain a lot of weight!”.

    Apr 30, 2010 at 10:04 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

  • #52   Cordelia

    I would love to know just how much the mother weighs. I bet she was a “pleasantly plump” bride (as Carolyn Keene would say) and still hasn’t gotten over it decades later.

    I hope when it came time for the bride and groom to slice the cake the daughter threw herself on top of it, devouring the whole thing in a gluttonous frenzy. Just to keep mom proud!

    May 1, 2010 at 12:03 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

  • #53   Sika

    So if she weighed 115 when this was written…is anyone wondering how much she weighs now

    May 2, 2010 at 11:49 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #53.1   DogVomit

      WHO CARES???

      May 3, 2010 at 11:52 am   rating: 14  small thumbs up

    • #53.2   Eyeroll

      Katie DID post a response. She recently had a baby, and she still has some of the baby weight; she now weighs 135. AFTER having a baby. That’s a 20-pound weight gain, which is pretty amazing. Team Katie FTW (not because of her weight, but because she never buried her mother in the backyard).

      Jun 21, 2010 at 5:13 pm   rating: 26  small thumbs up

  • #54   Pippi Gardulla

    The parents sound like thorough and complete goiters. I would have uninvited them to the wedding.

    May 3, 2010 at 12:22 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

  • #55   shwonline bang

    Mr. and Mrs. Pat A. Notes
    request the honour of your presence
    at the marriage of their daughter
    Katie Anne
    Mr. John Quincy Public
    on Saturday, the sixth of September
    two thousand and three
    at 11 o’clock in the morning
    First Church
    Oklahoma City


    May 3, 2010 at 12:51 pm   rating: 37  small thumbs up

  • #56   zomboid

    she should have used the cheque to buy a fat suit

    May 4, 2010 at 3:25 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

  • #57   lala

    “You are beautiful now”

    NOW? NOW!?!?!

    Oh Katie, i’ve never even seen you, but I want to tell you that you have ALWAYS been beautiful. I am so happy you are so normal and well adjusted. Stay pretty.

    May 7, 2010 at 3:14 pm   rating: 18  small thumbs up

  • #58   Bauble

    I’m pretty sure mom was supposed to use ‘ensure’ instead of ‘insure.’

    May 8, 2010 at 7:08 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #59   This is like offering your seat to a lady with a poofy empire waist top...only worse. | — funny (if not necessarily "passive-aggressive") notes from pissed-off people

    [...] I am beautiful, not matter what they say (or passive-aggressively insinuate) [...]

    May 11, 2010 at 8:17 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #60   ty509

    Okay, I actually know a recent bride who gained roughly 20lbs between investing in her wedding dress and the ceremony. She had to have half the dress butchered just to fit in it. It cost her parents extra money and was extremely noticeable during the ceremony. Her entire family was pretty much appalled that after her family investing the money (which did not come easy), she couldn’t be bothered to avoid gorging herself for a few months.

    If your mom paid for the dress, try to fit in it.

    Also, being encouraged to maintain a stable weight instead of bloating up is not the same thing as encouraging an eating disorder.

    May 12, 2010 at 1:03 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #60.1   Diane

      Oh, for the love of God. There’s one in every crowd.

      Jun 4, 2010 at 12:42 pm   rating: 39  small thumbs up

  • #61   abby

    she spelled “ensure” wrong. her opinion is invalid.

    May 12, 2010 at 2:18 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #62   TootsNYC

    I don’t think she DID use the wrong “ensure”–I think she was thinking of “insure,” like “insurance, which will keep you from losing mone if something goes wrong.”

    I wanna know how expensive that dress was–bcs it sounds like it completely freaked her mom out!

    “OMG, what if the stress makes her gain weight, and she can’t fit in that expensive dress! It’s not like we can just return it and get our money back!!”

    and wedding dresses are usually ordered MONTHS before the ceremony, so it’s a genuine worry.

    May 12, 2010 at 8:48 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

  • #63   TootsNYC

    Or, this, perhaps

    Dear Katie,

    With Love, Mom & Dad

    May 12, 2010 at 8:56 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

  • #64   TootsNYC

    (gain weight, not wait)

    May 12, 2010 at 8:58 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #65   Pookster

    Though the card is in poor taste, I can’t help but think it’s a little funny. If Katie’s mother is very old fashioned, she may have actually thought she was doing this as a reasonable favor or sound advice. I worked in estate planning for awhile & many of our firm’s clients were 65+, with ideals comparable to this one. Mom probably thought because it was in a card, she was being more sensitive.

    As for Katie, because she is laughing about it & doesn’t seem hurt, then clearly she is well adjusted. And probably happily married, living without Mom.

    May 20, 2010 at 11:45 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

  • #66   Kristin

    Hey, my mom did almost the exact same thing before my wedding, except she told my fiance that if I couldn’t fit into my dress, someone would be wearing it and insinuated he was fat also by poking him in the stomach. I feel this poor woman’s pain. I was in the same shape and my dress almost ended up loose due to all the stress.

    May 28, 2010 at 1:27 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

  • #67   The “Next to Marry” List | —

    [...] We are sure you will be a beautiful bride, but… [...]

    Jun 2, 2010 at 9:20 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #68   James Lasie

    Loved the article, plenty of great advice. When it comes to hosting a wedding, my advice is to shop around a bit.

    Jun 3, 2010 at 9:45 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #69   Eve

    This is why my mother is a smart woman……we found a dress that isn’t pricey and has a corset so even if my weight changes I can still fit into it…..if only people thought ahead and did smart things

    Jun 3, 2010 at 10:57 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #70   A few choice words from Mom | — funny (if not necessarily "passive-aggressive") notes from pissed-off people

    [...] truly skilled in the art of passive-aggression don’t need much to make their feelings [...]

    Jun 8, 2010 at 4:11 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #71   Alex

    Maybe Mom just didn’t want her daughter to LOSE too much weight, and in the process ruin the fit of the dress.


    Jun 11, 2010 at 3:30 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #71.1   Janis

      My thoughts, too, Alex.

      Many brides are frantic to lose weight before their wedding day in order to achieve some kind of imaginary ideal and, just maybe, this was her mom’s way of saying “You already look beautiful, right now.”

      And if you can’t stop weight-obsessing for mom, at least think of the dress….

      Jul 27, 2010 at 12:25 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #72   "Just enough." |

    [...] Take this and go buy yourself a couple of scales, okay, sweetie? [...]

    Aug 5, 2010 at 9:24 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #73   Best wishes, godless heathens! |

    [...] our bristling bride: “I felt like telling her she could keep her $50 and her guilt trip, too, but decided I would [...]

    Oct 27, 2010 at 8:07 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #74   Funniest notes of 2010 |

    [...] Mom’s passive-aggressive wedding gift [...]

    Dec 31, 2010 at 12:12 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #75   Happy Valentine’s Day to my son…and the harlot with whom he’s living in sin. |

    [...] Virginia had been living together for two years when they received this Valentine from his mother, “with the not-so-subtle implication that we should take our relationship to the next [...]

    May 13, 2011 at 9:46 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #76   Best Wedding Card Ever

    [...] First found here. [...]

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  • #77   Best Wedding Card Ever

    [...] found here. #dd_ajax_float{ background:none repeat scroll 0 0 #FFFFFF; border:1px solid #DDDDDD; float:left; [...]

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