Luckily, Liz in Houston convinced her work buddy not to forward this not-at-all-passive Jerry Springer-esque rant to the entire company e-mail list, as originally intended. (Otherwise, work buddy’s much-needed vacation might have turned out to be a permanent one.)
related: Do your stairs think you’re fat?
extra credit: How not to land an internship [gawker.com]
78 responses so far ↓
#1
Joe Blow
I’m with crazy. If you use an elevator to go up 1 or down 2 or less, you should be taken to the roof and given the express to the lobby.
Apr 30, 2010 at 8:42 pm rating: 91
#2
farcical aquatic ceremony
A: “Just been draggin’ along the pile of lard I call my a$$”
Q: title of Ke$ha’s 2040 attempted-comeback album
Apr 30, 2010 at 8:44 pm rating: 49
#3
Astounder
Another great opportunity missed.
Apr 30, 2010 at 8:44 pm rating: 2
#4
Escape Goat
$incerely,
$ally Complain$-a lot.
Apr 30, 2010 at 8:46 pm rating: 6
#5
ClearlyDemented
It seems totally work-appropriate to me. But I guess I can see why Liz didn’t want him to send it out to the entire office, his boss probably would’ve been pi$$ed to learn he wasted 11 minutes of his day in the elevator.
Apr 30, 2010 at 8:52 pm rating: 20
#6
aaa
Jeez, Liz, way to be a Franny Funsucker. Why do you have to be all logical and shit and encourage people to not fuck up their career?
Apr 30, 2010 at 8:53 pm rating: 31
#7
Having Fitz
I tried that excuse on my boss, that I was late coming back from lunch because I was on the elevator. I suppose that might have worked if our building wasn’t one floor and we actually had an elevator.
Apr 30, 2010 at 9:00 pm rating: 26
#8
farcical aquatic ceremony
Jeepers creepers! Mr. doesn’t-have-the-balls-to-curse-over-company-e-mail’s gonna WATCH me!
Apr 30, 2010 at 9:18 pm rating: 5
#9
Kou
Funny, I always wonder if people judge me when I take the elevator for only one floor. Now I know that they do! Goodie.
For the record, I take the elevator for only one floor because I have breathing problems that flare up if I have to run/walk long distances. When I get to my building I’ve already been walking for 15-20 minutes to get there and going up stairs would have me wheezing and panting quite uncomfortably.
Also? If the stairs and elevator are really far apart, I will never walk all the way across a floor to get to the stairs if I’m already next to the elevator. Who does that?
Apr 30, 2010 at 9:55 pm rating: 16
#10
Phizzle
Team crazy! Reminds me of people who get on the public transit bus, get off at the next stop, then walk back one block back instead of just walking two blocks forward. Kou, maybe you’re a special case, but I can’t imagine that a whole building is full of people with your medical problems. That’s just fucking delicious hyperbole.
Apr 30, 2010 at 10:52 pm rating: 15
#11
park rose
I wouldn’t mess with Vermicious Knids. There’s often a very good reason for perpetually riding the elevator.
Apr 30, 2010 at 10:54 pm rating: 10
#12
Lauri
I was once in a building that had a freaky policy of locking doors to the stairs. I got off the elevator a floor too early and decided to walk the one more floor and found myself locked into the stairwell! Fortunately, I kept trying doors on the way down and found one unlocked before I had to go all the way down to the bottom. What a firetrap!
Apr 30, 2010 at 11:10 pm rating: 22
#13
AuntyBron
Sounds like Liz’s work buddy is a 20-something work-out twit who can crack walnuts in his/her butt cheeks. Let me spell it out for you, Honey-bunch Some of us have health problems. I, for example have arthritis in both knees and , having noticed that doing even one flight of stairs causes new adventures in pain, I don’t do stairs, Sweetie, if they can possibly be avoided. Here’s a thought for you: if you’re so (bad word, bad word, REALLY bad word) buff why don’t you trot your little ass down those 21 flights of stairs.
Apr 30, 2010 at 11:51 pm rating: 19
#14
Blogmella
I normally use the stairs, for just a single floor – unless I have a really potent fart brewing.
May 1, 2010 at 12:01 am rating: 31
#15
campus stair-walker
As some of the other posters pointed out, it’s highly doubtful that everyone in an office suffer from health problems that make the stairs impossible. Even more unlikely are the chances of every 25 and under student on a college campus suffering from joint/respiratory/connective tissue/whatever problems. I work/study in a 3 floor building populated by sprightly, able-bodied young bodies…bodies that will wait for the slow as shit elevator to make its rounds for twice the amount of time it would have taken simply to walk up 15 steps. It’s just so stupid. The only non-health related exception I can admit valid is if someone is carrying a ridiculous amount of stuff and/or a capless drink. Or I suppose if they’re wearing really uncomfortable shoes. Or walking with someone who is suffering from any of the above situational afflictions. But if I just saw you outside playing hackey sack and you’re holding nothing but a raggedy notebook and a pen, well… it’s just embarrassing.
May 1, 2010 at 12:47 am rating: 19
#16
Aardvaark
When I worked in Houston, the stairwell doors were locked to prevent re-entry and I think there were some sort of gnomes living in them because when there was a fire drill, the door would open and a blue-blazered security guard would pop out to take a head-count of all of us who were supposed to be lined-up at the door.
May 1, 2010 at 6:42 am rating: 6
#17
Foxy J
While it’s true that most of the tall buildings in Houston are new enough to have been built with automatically-locking fire doors to the stairwells, would not the note-writer know this if it were the case?
Many businesses in Houston employ a lot of non-Texans as well as Texans. I am guessing by the way that this note is written that the writer is not from Texas. However, I can assure you that everyone who takes the elevator one floor and does NOT have a medical reason for doing so (and is not carrying two armfuls of stuff, and the stairwell is unlocked) is from Texas. Aside from the obvious, that many Texans are very overweight, the other characteristic that they share is an overwhelming sense of entitlement which in this case manifests itself in a belief that if God saw fit to place an elevator where you can use it, it is yours and yours alone to use no matter the inconvenience to anyone else.
Side note – I live south of Houston, and work in an office building that was built in the 1940s, when I guess people were more normal-sized. The hallways in some of the sections, including mine, are narrower than anything you would see built today and there are several people on my floor who literally take up the entire hallway when they walk down it, you can’t get around them no matter how small you are. So, when I do my monthly safety observations (I work for an industry where we have to do stuff like that), should I list them? In an emergency where we had to evacuate, they would be a liability. Maybe I should write a passive-aggressive note about them.
May 1, 2010 at 8:07 am rating: 5
#18
oi
this post looks like a thesis on possible reasons for taking elevator instead of stairs. I got one too! The door closer! I don’t like hanging on the door in my office attire(dress suit and 3-4 inches heals) just so that I can push it open! yes, it’s that hard.
that’s what she said
May 1, 2010 at 9:14 am rating: 4
#19
Woman on the Verge
I think this whole rant is really about shoes. Note that dig, “I see you, you aren’t even wearing uncomfortable designer shoes…” Jealousy is an ugly thing.
May 1, 2010 at 9:33 am rating: 10
#20
Rizmin
While the note is hilariously offensive, I also have to agree with the sentiment. I don’t take an elevator for anything less than 5 flights (unless I have something heavy to carry), but anyone who is able-bodied taking an elevator for anything less than 3 is really annoying.
May 1, 2010 at 10:59 am rating: 12
#21
Donkey Burger
Sometimes disabilities aren’t that obvious, even physical ones.
But I doubt that the company would employ *that* many disabled people.
May 1, 2010 at 1:35 pm rating: 4
#22
barf
So sick of people with their health concerns and disabilities. A bunch of whining, coddled wastes of flesh is what they be.
Also sick of self-righteous hypocrites such as Liz’s coworker. Take the stairs yourself, jacka$$.
May 1, 2010 at 2:07 pm rating: 13
#23
mamason
“… you have no excuse except that pile of lard you call your a$$.”
So, I do have an excuse then. Awesome!
May 1, 2010 at 3:28 pm rating: 10
#24
AuntyBron
Of course I’m taking the elevator – THAT’S WHAT IT’S FOR!!
May 1, 2010 at 10:46 pm rating: 3
#25
GF
So why doesn’t the ranter walk down one flight of stairs and catch the elevator where it’s empty? Did he just stand behind a crowd of fat people gritting his teeth in anger instead of walking over to the stairs himself?
May 1, 2010 at 11:51 pm rating: 6
#26
Bcteagirl
I know there are people who do not appear to be disabled who have issues with mobility who may really need to use the elevator. I know that chronic pain is often under-estimated and dismissed. My heart goes out to them.
I would however love to run the following experiment. Have everyone who honestly believes they cannot do a flight of stairs for health reasons, and have them ask their doctor if it would be appropriate for them to go up or down *one* flight of stairs at work when not carrying a heavy load. I think you would be surprised how many doctors would be enthusiastic about that possibility.
Where I work the doctors are always trying to get people to participate in lower impact (walking, stairs) exercise for their health. These same people will agree and then ask for a placard so they don’t have to walk across a parking lot.
May 2, 2010 at 11:50 am rating: 10
#27
Denny DelVecchio
Oh I’ll forward it.
Please.
Please let me.
May 2, 2010 at 12:38 pm rating: 2
#28
Sika
Yes…if you take the elevator for one floor, I am judging you. In my opinion elevators aren’t for ease, they are for speed. The stairs are simply faster, so I usually take them. I hate walking into work in the morning and then, when my co-worker stops in front of the elevator, I have to bid them farewell and they are barely stepping in when I am sitting at my desk. If I have to go one floor up to HR…I’m going to walk…because I got shit to do!
If you don’t believe me, just look at express elevators. They stop at every fifth or tenth floor at which point the people on them get out and walk the couple of floors to their level. This is required for large buildings where, if they let the lazy asses have their way, it could take more time to get to your office on the ump-teenth floor than it took you to drive to work. It’s just not practical to use the elevator for a lazy machine instead of a means of conveyance.
I also totally agree with #26. If you have a weight, respiratory, cardio-vascular, or joint problem, your doctor would probably recommend that you take every opportunity for short workouts like 1 or 2 flights of stairs. My mother has arthritis in both her knees, is overweight, and recently tore her ACL. She can’t avoid stairs because she lives in a two story condo. Guess what? She does fine. Do it slow…it’s okay, it’ll still be faster than the elevator.
May 2, 2010 at 11:41 pm rating: 8
#29
CHE
Lazy. Lazy. Lazy. I’m sorry, but all this talk of medical conditions (asthma, breathing difficulties, etc) makes me want to scream. What a smoke screen. Walking up one flight of stairs does not count as a strenuous activity. If your heart rate is raised from doing that then you’ve got bigger problems than breathing–your heart can barely support your body.
May 3, 2010 at 4:44 am rating: 12
#30
Anon Man
Totally legit beef if the person isn’t injured or carrying a bunch of stuff. If you are obese and can’t take the stairs, ok, but maybe you ought think through some lifestyle ch0ices.
I remember when I was in college, I got in an elevator to go to the 8th floor a meeting. The elevators were painfully slow. By the time they got there it was packed. One woman got in, went up one floor (stairs were right next to the elevator), and then everyone had to pile back out to let her out. Good times.
May 3, 2010 at 9:44 am rating: 3
#31
Kimberly
My doctor’s office is two floors. The staircase is right out in the front lobby, easily accessible, open to all and I always see the nurses waiting for the elevator. I can understand patient’s needing the elevator but you’d think that someone in the healthcare profession would chose the healthier alternative.
May 3, 2010 at 10:31 am rating: 3
#32
Nyx
Not every young, able-looking person is what they seem. Think what you want about the validity of physical disabilities, but I went from being a top-notch competitive athlete to having my athletics career shot to hell by nerve damage in my spine. I still get on well enough to walk, and do most average things, but I walk three blocks from where I park (in a garage where I take the stairs), and three blocks back again (and again, stairs), and do physical therapy at home. If I want to take the elevator one floor, then I will. Screw your judgmental ass.
May 3, 2010 at 4:31 pm rating: 5
#33
LawGeek
As yet another disabled person, I take the stairs when I am feeling *lazy* (or, more accurately, stressed and impatient). It is a pain in the ass to wait for the elevator. But – oof- my knees punish me later for it.
And yeah, I do hate the death-glare from people who can’t tell I’m disabled. Lovely.
May 4, 2010 at 9:44 pm rating: 1
#34
seachristie
I totally agree with the “crazy”. I feel like this every day when I see the fat asses getting on the elevator for a THREE FLOOR BUILDING. Or to go up one floor in the library. Awesome people. No wonder Wisconsin is one of the fattest states in America. I for one will not be a stereotype and refuse to take the elevator if the stairs are available to me. All of these so-called medical problems you lazy people use as excuses, it’s a flight of stairs, if you can’t walk up 1 flight of stairs.. how can you even walk from your car into the building? Seriously. Breathing problems my ass. I know tons of people with asthma and guess what a few of them are MARATHON runners so you can take your lazy ass and find another excuse for taking the elevator for one floor because I’m just NOT BUYING IT! This is why you’re fat and unhealthy in the first place.
May 5, 2010 at 8:43 am rating: 2
#35
Gimparella
On the one hand I appreciate the “not everybody’s issues are apparent” argument. On the other hand, it’s annoying to wait for a few elevators full of apparently able-bodied people to cycle past before one comes by with enough room to accommodate a wheelchair.
You would think that at least one person in the past few decades would have said, “Since you can’t use the stairs and I can, how about you take my spot and I’ll hoof it the rest of the way?”
May 5, 2010 at 12:04 pm rating: 3
#36
Cat
I can’t believe how many people are complaining about this non-issue. This is such a minor thing to be annoyed over that the fact that anyone is boiling over with this kind of rage about it makes me think that this person is probably quite privileged and doesn’t have any actual problems to worry over.
May 5, 2010 at 12:47 pm rating: 8
#37
Liz (submitter)
Hahaha I can’t believe this made it! I submitted it forever ago! For the record, the writer is a SHE. This is among my favorites of her writing/creative arts samples. Also making the short list was her diatribe on the DPS, as well as a “doctoring” of our company dress policy pamphlet. The writer also does have boiling over rage issues, but who doesn’t? Also, while neither of us are originally Texans, we have grown to love this state for the unique place to live that it is.
May 10, 2010 at 5:11 pm rating: 1
#38
Crazy
I am the author of that note. Our elevators have been getting “modernized” (whatever the f*ck that means) for the past 4 years. A building of close to 1500 people and 20-something floors are sharing 4 elevators.
And I will state it: If your “medical condition” doesnt allow you to walk up or down ONE damn flight of stairs there is something more wrong with you than a “medical condition.” I did it when I was 9 months pregnant WHILE wearing designer shoes…
May 10, 2010 at 7:14 pm rating: 11
#39 Why climb when you can RIDE? | PassiveAggressiveNotes.com
[...] Needless to say, the pudding was gone by the end of the day. * Perhaps you, dear reader, can keep this transcontinental chain alive. Please consider printing out your own copy of the above photo and posting it at your place of business and/or learning. related: You’re not even wearing designer shoes, so there’s no reason why you should be taking th… [...]
May 17, 2011 at 2:45 pm rating: 0
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