Entries from April 2010
So, which of these cutesy little rhymes is least likely to make you stab yourself in the eye?
Exhibit a) from an office break room in Atlanta, Georgia?
Exhibit b) from a college dorm suite in Winston-Salem, North Carolina?
Or — smiley-face-free! — exhibit c) from a share house full of frat boys in Los Angeles?
Still there? If so, you probably need a palate-cleanser after all those cringe-worthy couplets, so I’ll leave you with this delicate haiku from an office in Washington, D.C.
related: Scatological Poetry Slam
Tags: Atlanta · clip art catastrophe · college life · D.C. · dishes · office · pure poetry · rainbow-colored · roommates · smiley · TL;DR · Winston-Salem
When Sarah saw this notice posted in the restroom of a Chicago movie theater, she says, “I was thrilled to find a company willing to admit what I have always secretly felt: that despite their tree-saving abilities, electric hand dryers suck.”
Scott was also thrilled to spot this sign in the men’s room of a bar in Council Bluffs, Iowa. “It’s mainly the incredibly bad spelling and punctuation that I love about it,” he says. (The less-than-incredible attempt to drum up excitement for those “fast and new hand blowers”? Not so much.)
related: And a very happy Earth Day to you!
extra credit: Air Hand Dryers May Leave Bacteria on Hands, Says Study [greendaily.com]
Tags: bathroom · energy usage · spelling and grammar police · The Earth · washing your hands
“I pass this billboard every day on my way home from work,” says our submitter from Tennessee. “Apparently, some tax breaks were given for Volkswagen to build a plant here in Chattanooga, which will eventually bring thousands of jobs to this area. This group is upset that not EVERYONE who is involved in constructing the plant was born in the United States.”
A side note from Ana in Guatemala (fifth flag from the left): “Guatemala is a very beautiful — albeit dangerous — country. Crime rates are through the roof, but in this small American-run inn, hope prevails…mostly.”
related: America the not-so-beautiful
Tags: "customer service" · casual xenophobia · Espanol · Guatemala · politics · sarcasm · Tennessee
“My 1-year-old likes to play with hair when she’s sleepy,” writes Michelle in Columbia, South Carolina…a habit which apparently didn’t go over so well at day care with the fair-haired Ms. Linda. [Hahahaha RAGE BLACKOUT emoticon!!!!]
related: We talked about the “stabbing” incident yesterday.
Tags: Columbia · guilt trip · hair · kids · Moms & Dads · oh no you didn't · South Carolina · visual aids
Trixie found this morally and grammatically curious note pinned to clothesline in her boyfriend’s Detroit neighborhood. So, uh, if you’re looking for a safe house after a prison break…
related: I know where she lives.
Tags: CAPS LOCK · Detroit · stealing · your/you're
So, Brandon in San Diego had a party, and apparently people stayed out pretty late playing beer pong in the yard — a yard which happens to be just outside the bedroom window of the neighbors, an older couple in their 70s. The morning after, our submitter Mallory says, Brandon woke up to find this taped to his front door.
Final score: Brandon, o. Sweet little old lady, EPIC WIN!
related: My condolences on your birthday
Tags: actually totally reasonable · neighbors · noise · old folks · San Diego
“My grandmother has been telling my brother that his hair is too long for forever now,” our submitter in Texas writes, “and whenever she criticized his long hair, he’d tell her it was ‘in style.’” Hello, loophole! Today Grandma left this clipping on the fridge for her grandson to find.
(By the way, if you’ve managed to avoid contact with the tween set lately and had no idea that this Justin Bieber character is supposedly “the world’s biggest pop star” — you’re not alone.)
And Grandma, if Seth doesn’t take the hint, maybe you’ll have to try Star Magazine‘s trick?
related: The overly-friendly coworker: ruining your day since you held the door for her that one time
extra credit: Lesbians Who Look Like Justin Bieber
The Justin Bieber Guide for Old People [gawker.com]
Justin Bieber’s “hair trick” [youtube]
Tags: a matter of taste · family · Grandma · hair · Texas · unsolicited feedback · visual aids
When I was a kid, my mother liked to say that I had a “flair for the dramatic.” Just ask her about the My Little Pony sewing machine she promised — I mean crossed her heart and hoped to die promised — that I could have when I turned six. (I’m still waiting.)
If only my parents had sent my temper-tantrum-throwing little bratty self to time-out armed with pencil and paper! Then we might have precious mementos like this one, written by the youngest daughter of our anonymous submitter from Pennsylvania. After being sent to her room for bad behavior, darling daughter — “a chronic notewriter” — slipped this under the door for her parents to discover.
(The crossed-out “Love” is what kills me.) And of course, it’s not just little girls who resort to such melodrama.
As Sara in Phoenix explains, ”My husband and I were outside one evening, deaf to the ‘screams’ of my 9-year-old son, Eliot. Apparently, he was in his room and bumped his fish tank, causing a small amount of water to slosh out, and he panicked. When we came back inside, we found the above note shoved under our bedroom door. Upon examination of said fish tank, we could find zero evidence of leak-springing…but then, we were also laughing pretty hard at the indignant note — especially its closing and postscript.”
Adds Sara: “P.S. Bob is fine.”
related: The joys of motherhood
Tags: guilt trip · kids · martyr complex · Moms & Dads · most popular notes of 2010 · p.s.
At first glance, would you assume that the the writer of this note….
a) is kind of a racist prick?
b) has a thing against students/alumni from a certain university in Providence, R.I.?
c) has a penchant for using confusing euphemisms for bodily waste?
I’ll admit I assumed the answer was either a or b, until I read the submitter’s explanation about where the note was found: above the stinky toilet in a share house of (mostly male) British university students.
The verdict: Still offensive, just, you know, in a different way.
related: 2 notes, 1 cupcake
Tags: anthropomorphism · college life · shit · thx · toilet · U.K.
“My mother sent me this gem of a newspaper clipping from my hometown in Florida,” Kim says. “I didn’t know if she had any personal involvement in this tragedy, or if she just thought it was hilarious, like I did.”
(Perhaps it was intended as a cautionary tale. Or a warning to keep an eye out for one-legged flamingos?)
related: askin’ for it
Tags: Florida · newspaper · not-so-veiled threats · small town living · stealing