Entries from April 2010

So, you think your office fridge stinks?

April 25th, 2010 · 95 Comments

Well, maybe all you need is a little perspective.

Kelly in Dallas spotted this notice at a metaphysical bookstore in Lewisville, Texas. Apparently, she says, the last time the fridge was defrosted, “they discovered several owl carcasses that were being stored there by the store’s resident Native American healer guy.” (Be careful, this fridge scares easily.)

DO NOT Approach Refridgerator [sic] with knives, screwdrivers or other sharp objects.  NOT for carcass storage  Thank you!

Meanwhile, Belinda assures us that both bunny and cow parts were indeed claimed by her coworkers before the boss’s deadline. (“Only in Wisconsin!” she says.)

To whomever:  Please remove the Rabbit carcasses and Beef livers from this freezer. They will be removed and disposed of if not taken home by this Friday; April 23rd. What's wrong with some people??

If you’ve ever seen the TV show Mythbusters, you won’t find this fridge note from their set too surprising…

No rancid pig tongues; No human body parts filled with noodles

But Becky in Portland, Oregon was definitely surprised when she discovered the warning on the hospital breakroom’s freezer door wasn’t a non sequitur.

Peeled bananas in the freezer = gross!

related: The bathroom-stall booger epidemic

Tags: fridge · odor · office fridge · WTF?

Passive-Aggressive Kitchen-Sink Poetry

April 23rd, 2010 · 116 Comments

So, which of these cutesy little rhymes is least likely to make you stab yourself in the eye?

Exhibit a) from an office break room in Atlanta, Georgia?

Their Sink, My Sink, Your Sink It's against our wishes if you soak your dishes cause the sink's not a soaking place. Quick! Scrub 'em clean-make 'em really gleam. Watch a 'thank you!' smile appear on every face. So don't walk away- don't soak it- just clean it! (Wash it right now! You can finish in a minute!) Cause it's not just your sink, it's their sink and my sink. Please be considerate.  Don't clutter the sink by leaving your items to soak. THANK YOU!

Exhibit b) from a college dorm suite in Winston-Salem, North Carolina?

A Poem  Wash your dishes It's not that hard You weren't born in a barn Or a stable, or a yard  The sink is too small To have dishes build up It's really not complicated  To wash a small cup  Your housemates aren't your servants Or your keepers, or your mothers Those who wash their own things Needn't worry about the others  When there's only one of something Please keep that in your mind In the sink and dirty Makes things really hard to find  We know we love each other That's nothing to deny So wash your freaking dishes Or I'll stab you in the eye :)

Or — smiley-face-free! — exhibit c) from a share house full of frat boys in Los Angeles?

Please be a dear and do your dishes here for if you do not, the house will be wrought with people dismayed by the mass that's displayed and hence are not able  to dine at the table for lack of clean wishes  restricts their good wishes

Still there? If so, you probably need a palate-cleanser after all those cringe-worthy couplets, so I’ll leave you with this delicate haiku from an office in Washington, D.C.

Soaking Cup Haiku  Dried flecks of cat food Circling the rim of the cup Oh - it's your oatmeal.

related: Scatological Poetry Slam

Tags: Atlanta · clip art catastrophe · college life · D.C. · dishes · office · pure poetry · rainbow-colored · roommates · smiley · TL;DR · Winston-Salem

Nobody likes electric hand dryers…even on Earth Day.

April 22nd, 2010 · 159 Comments

When Sarah saw this notice posted in the restroom of a Chicago movie theater, she says, “I was thrilled to find a company willing to admit what I have always secretly felt: that despite their tree-saving abilities, electric hand dryers suck.”

ELECTRIC HAND DRYERS No, we don't like them either, but they are the most energy efficient, and environment friendly choice  Thank You, Cinema Management

Scott was also thrilled to spot this sign in the men’s room of a bar in Council Bluffs, Iowa. “It’s mainly the incredibly bad spelling and punctuation that I love about it,” he says. (The less-than-incredible attempt to drum up excitement for those “fast and new hand blowers”?  Not so much.)

Sorry, but we will not be useing [sic] paper towels From now on. There is Fast + New HAND BLOWER'S [sic] Thank you

related: And a very happy Earth Day to you!

extra credit: Air Hand Dryers May Leave Bacteria on Hands, Says Study [greendaily.com]

Tags: bathroom · energy usage · spelling and grammar police · The Earth · washing your hands

¡Bienvenido! Mi casa no es su casa.

April 21st, 2010 · 183 Comments

“I pass this billboard every day on my way home from work,” says our submitter from Tennessee. “Apparently, some tax breaks were given for Volkswagen to build a plant here in Chattanooga, which will eventually bring thousands of jobs to this area. This group is upset that not EVERYONE who is involved in constructing the plant was born in the United States.”

Tennessee welcomes all the workers from OTHER COUNTRIES who are building the Volkswagen plant.   We hope you enjoy those jobs...BECAUSE WE PAID FOR THEM!

A side note from Ana in Guatemala (fifth flag from the left): “Guatemala is a very beautiful — albeit dangerous — country. Crime rates are through the roof, but in this small American-run inn, hope prevails…mostly.”

BIENVENIDO WELCOME Please leave your your bags here.. They are 99.9% safe BUT... We do not accept responsibility

related: America the not-so-beautiful

Tags: "customer service" · casual xenophobia · Espanol · Guatemala · politics · sarcasm · Tennessee

Wigging out, daycare-style

April 20th, 2010 · 110 Comments

“My 1-year-old likes to play with hair when she’s sleepy,” writes Michelle in Columbia, South Carolina…a habit which apparently didn’t go over so well at day care with the fair-haired Ms. Linda. [Hahahaha RAGE BLACKOUT emoticon!!!!]

Look Mom and Dad. I pulled out Ms. Linda's hair. Now we have to buy her a wig. :-)

related: We talked about the “stabbing” incident yesterday.

Tags: Columbia · guilt trip · hair · kids · Moms & Dads · oh no you didn't · South Carolina · visual aids

O Brother, Where “You’re” At?

April 19th, 2010 · 87 Comments

Trixie found this morally and grammatically curious note pinned to clothesline in her boyfriend’s Detroit neighborhood. So, uh, if you’re looking for a safe house after a prison break…

 If you steal these clothes I just want you to know that your [sic] a bad person. (Unless yer an escaped convict)

related: I know where she lives.

Tags: CAPS LOCK · Detroit · stealing · your/you're

Killing it with kindness

April 16th, 2010 · 82 Comments

So, Brandon in San Diego had a party, and apparently people stayed out pretty late playing beer pong in the yard — a yard which happens to be just outside the bedroom window of the neighbors, an older couple in their 70s. The morning after, our submitter Mallory says, Brandon woke up to find this taped to his front door.

Final score: Brandon, o. Sweet little old lady, EPIC WIN!

Dear Brandon,  I'm so glad you're my friend...

The world is a much better place with you in it! But 3 a.m. is not a good time to play in the yard.

related: My condolences on your birthday

Tags: actually totally reasonable · neighbors · noise · old folks · San Diego

Biebermania claims another innocent victim

April 15th, 2010 · 126 Comments

“My grandmother has been telling my brother that his hair is too long for forever now,” our submitter in Texas writes, “and whenever she criticized his long hair, he’d tell her it was ‘in style.’”  Hello, loophole! Today Grandma left this clipping on the fridge for her grandson to find.

Seth-This was the boy's cut that is supposed to be the 'IN-CUT' now. Why don't you try it & surprise me while I'm gone!

(By the way, if you’ve managed to avoid contact with the tween set lately and had no idea that this Justin Bieber character is supposedly “the world’s biggest pop star” — you’re not alone.)

And Grandma, if Seth doesn’t take the hint, maybe you’ll have to try Star Magazine‘s trick?

related: The overly-friendly coworker: ruining your day since you held the door for her that one time

extra credit: Lesbians Who Look Like Justin Bieber

The Justin Bieber Guide for Old People [gawker.com]

Justin Bieber’s “hair trick” [youtube]

Tags: a matter of taste · family · Grandma · hair · Texas · unsolicited feedback · visual aids

My Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Parents

April 14th, 2010 · 127 Comments

When I was a kid, my mother liked to say that I had a “flair for the dramatic.” Just ask her about the My Little Pony sewing machine she promised — I mean crossed her heart and hoped to die promised — that I could have when I turned six. (I’m still waiting.)

If only my parents had sent my temper-tantrum-throwing little bratty self to time-out armed with pencil and paper! Then we might have precious mementos like this one, written by the youngest daughter of our anonymous submitter from Pennsylvania. After being sent to her room for bad behavior, darling daughter — “a chronic notewriter” — slipped this under the door for her parents to discover.

Dear Mom and Dad don't bother to give me dinner im [sic] not that hungry - From The saddest person in the world

(The crossed-out “Love” is what kills me.) And of course, it’s not just little girls who resort to such melodrama.

As Sara in Phoenix explains, ”My husband and I were outside one evening, deaf to the ‘screams’ of my 9-year-old son, Eliot. Apparently, he was in his room and bumped his fish tank, causing a small amount of water to slosh out, and he panicked. When we came back inside, we found the above note shoved under our bedroom door. Upon examination of said fish tank, we could find zero evidence of leak-springing…but then, we were also laughing pretty hard at the indignant note — especially its closing and postscript.”

Dear Mommy & Jon  You almost cost the life of my bob my fish. It sprung a leak, next time if you here me screaming 'HELP MY FISH TANK SPRUNG A LEAK, PLEASE HELP ME Come Help Me' COME HELP worringly, eliot P.S. It was temporary

Adds Sara: “P.S. Bob is fine.”

related: The joys of motherhood

Tags: guilt trip · kids · martyr complex · Moms & Dads · most popular notes of 2010 · p.s.

Your “Brown Friends”

April 13th, 2010 · 106 Comments

At first glance, would you assume that the the writer of this note….

a) is kind of a racist prick?

b) has a thing against students/alumni from a certain university in Providence, R.I.?

c) has a penchant for using confusing euphemisms for bodily waste?

I WOULD RATHER NOT MEET ANY MORE OF YOUR BROWN FRIENDS. EITHER ASK THEM TO LEAVE OR INTRODUCE THEM TO PEOPLE DOWNSTAIRS. THX

I’ll admit I assumed the answer was either a or b, until I read the submitter’s explanation about where the note was found: above the stinky toilet in a share house of (mostly male) British university students.

The verdict: Still offensive, just, you know, in a different way.

related: 2 notes, 1 cupcake

Tags: anthropomorphism · college life · shit · thx · toilet · U.K.