Entries from May 2010
“The other morning,” says our submitter from Los Angeles, “my boyfriend found this typed (on an honest to goodness typewriter!) note left for him on his windshield.” (Another car on the block with out-of-state plates had a similar message.)
“We’re not sure if the WeHo suggestion was meant to be homophobic or to imply we should be hanging out with our pals Heidi and Spencer at Hyde. Since we are neither gay nor from the cast of the Hills, it’s hard to say.”
related: I’m gonna say this in the nicest way possible: don’t park in my spot.
Tags: car · crazypants · Los Angeles · Michigan
Just in time for WTF? Friday…
Exhibit a) Posted on the front door of Ruth‘s apartment complex just outside Washington, D.C.
Exhibit b) From a parole liaison at the New Jersey Department of Corrections:
Exhibit c) From a vacation rental home in Maine, as spotted by Mike from Philadelphia, who adds, “I’m allergic to type set in Comic Sans.”
related: Screenbeans are never okay
Tags: clip art catastrophe · Comic Sans Alert · D.C. · Maine · New Jersey · WTF?
Our anonymous submitter saw this notice up in Canada’s Yukon territory. “I always knew that dogs were a very important in the life of the Yukoners,” she says, by way of explanation…an explanation that, frustratingly, explains next to nothing about these people or their “visitors.”
Also, re: points #4 & 6 — my dog isn’t very good at coming when called, but he happens to love hanging out with “drug-using people.” (Lots of Cheetos crumbs and whatnot to lick off the floor.)
related: Your are welcome
Tags: Canada · cats · dogs · guests · questionable logic · TL;DR
CT and his friends were driving home from the beach when they stopped at a gas station in Luverne, Alabama and found this posted next to the men’s bathroom.
“The ‘Danger!’ sign below was apparently the first attempt to keep people from opening this door,” says CT. “God only knows what’s behind it. I’m assuming this door of unspeakable power continued to get opened, prompting the posting of the second sign.”
Hey, I feel your pain, gas station attendant, having to deal with so much stupidity all day long. But — with the help of Rachael in Portland — I think I’ve found someone else who can relate.
Allow me to introduce Lily. She’s 8.
related: An anonymous rant against anonymity
Tags: Alabama · gas station · kids · Portland · spelling and grammar police · your/you're
When someone starts hiding the formerly communal toilet paper, that’s typically the beginning of the end.
Exhibit a) From Liz in Brooklyn, New York: “My old roommate was a huge pain for a lot of reasons, but what really did it for me was when she would finish the roll of toilet paper and then hide the new roll in her room so only she could use it.” Before moving out, Liz left her roomie with this parting gift.
Exhibit b) From BK in Kansas City, Missouri: “My roommate wanted us to buy separate toilet paper because he thought I used a lot, which seemed kind of ridiculous to me. Then, when he ran out of toilet paper he would use mine. I took my toilet paper out of the bathroom so he couldn’t use it anymore. Then he wrote me a passive aggressive note saying I was passive-aggressive.”
Exhibit c) From LJ at Mississipi State University: “I have no idea why my roommate felt the need to hide the toilet paper — it wasn’t like I was using it *excessively* or anything. A few days after this happened, we had to have a meeting mediated by the Residence Director, because they were pretty sure we were going to kill each other.”
related: I’m not here to wipe your dirty butt.
Five approaches to toilet paper maintenance
Tags: Brooklyn · Kansas City · Mississippi · roommates · smiley · toilet paper · xoxo
According to reports we’re receiving here at PAN headquarters, it appears that proletarians with a predilection for the chocolate-cookie-caramel confection known as Twix are battling Soviet-like conditions in order to procure their precious candy bars.
In some areas, workers are forced to pay a hefty premium (unlike the bosses and bigwigs upstairs).
Even then, what remains for the masses is likely to be rejected, bottom-of-the-carton stock.
And in the hardest hit areas, shortages have led hungry Twix lovers to beg for mercy from The Man himself.
(Thanks to informants Sean in Philadelphia, Rachel in Salt Lake City, and Mark in Buffalo.)
related: Comrades, take notice!
extra credit: Twix bars unfairly taxed in Colorado? [WSJ.com]
Tags: candy · chocolate · office · raging against the machine · vending machine drama
Jessica from Halifax was perusing the comment board of a small restaurant on Salt Spring Island, B.C. when she spotted this tasty tale of shellfish-related woe.
Meanwhile, Charlie found this scary story (and the impressively deadpan response) pinned to the comment board at the River Street Whole Foods in Cambridge, Mass.
related: The EGG SALAD BAN
Tags: Boston · British Columbia · faint praise · food · restaurant · thanks (but not really) · Too good to be real?
So, these two crazy kids (both of whom still live with their parents, according to our submitter), had a lil’ accident. A really exciting one! So exciting they decided the best way to share the news was en masse, via Facebook status update! So be excited for them, dammit!!!
related: Children are such a blessing.
Thanks for not buying me the Diaper Genie I registered for!!!
Tags: alot · Facebook · frenemies · preggers · spelling and grammar police
Anybody else in the mood for a no-holds-barred, batshit-crazy tirade? ’Cause I sure am! Pretty much the only thing remotely “passive” about this message — which Jared in Seattle found taped to the front entrance of his share house — is the fact that it was delivered by note, rather than say, by fist.
The note writer takes a little while here to build up steam, but manages to get in at least one solidly below-the-belt jab before spiraling into a CAPS LOCK-induced rage blackout.
related: Worst secret admirer ever?
Tags: fuck fuckity fuck fuck · money · sarcasm · Seattle · spelling and grammar police · thanks (but not really) · WTF?
Our submitter, P, is a sophomore at a certain university in upstate New York (the one that typically ties with Penn for the Ivy League university most people forget is actually in the Ivy League).
Students are moving out of the dorms this week, P says, so facilities management locked the building’s garbage chute to prevent it from overflowing. “Instead, residents are supposed to take the trash to a dumpster that’s a couple of feet away from the building — we even have an elevator!”
But what if your sense of entitlement is like, too heavy to make it to that elevator? Hello, note war!
related: At Oberlin, that $48,000 a year doesn’t include toilet paper.
extra credit: What not to wear in Ithaca [Ivygate]
Tags: college life · garbage · Ithaca · just an asshole · note wars · smiley