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A not-so-friendly handshake

May 2nd, 2010 · 57 comments

So, apparently this is a thing.

At a service station in the U.K., as Kerrie from London noticed, personal safety is the justification.


At a University in Florida, it’s cleanliness.

ATTENTION Please dry your hands with a paper towel instead of shaking your hands and water falling on the floor. It keeps the bathroom floor a lot cleaner. Thank you, Staff  Yeah, nevermind the environment. —Student It's okay I don't need trees. —Student

Meanwhile, in Canada…

Out of Stock Use Your Pants

related: Nobody likes electric hand dryers (except for ZOMG the Dyson Airblade!!!)

FILED UNDER: bathroom · disgruntled janitor · rebuttals · that's irresponsible · that's unsanitary · The Earth · washing your hands

57 responses so far ↓

  • #1   Flaboy24225

    Note 1: Worry Wart.
    Note2: Fire the janitor
    Note 3: Fire the stock clerk

    May 2, 2010 at 10:53 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

  • #2   The Great Joe Bivins

    But don’t use someone else’s pants, that can get you into trouble. Ask any Republican congressman.

    May 2, 2010 at 11:04 pm   rating: 39  small thumbs up

  • #3   Hypothetical

    Note 2…

    Where to begin.

    Paper is biodegradable. These days everytime a tree gets cut down, another gets planted.

    Oh, wait, I am trying to make sense to Dumocrats….carry on.

    May 3, 2010 at 12:19 am   rating: 13  small thumbs up

    • #3.1   infant tyrone bang

      So, since you’re pregnant now, we’re having your hubby for dinner.

      We’ll begin with that traditional favorite, Shine on Harvest Moonie.

      May 3, 2010 at 2:41 am   rating: 10  small thumbs up

    • #3.2   anglophile bang

      Hypothetical, please. If you’re trying to whip up some partisan bickering, do it with humor and style, not pathetic name-calling. See Joe Bivins’s comment above yours? It’s funny, ’cause it’s true.

      May 3, 2010 at 6:56 am   rating: 20  small thumbs up

    • #3.3   Meesh

      “Dumocrats”? Oh dear…

      May 3, 2010 at 7:37 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #3.4   aaa bang

      Personally, I like to appeal to everyone equally. I usually find that a “Fuck you all, Team aaa because I’m fucking awesome!” to be sufficient.

      May 3, 2010 at 8:20 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #3.5   jayskinner70

      Normally, I just like to read the comments, leaving the witty retorts for others. However, Hypothetical, your comment leaves me no choice but to eviscerate the republicOn party’s utter disregard for the welfare of our planet. We should not at all be surprised that chopping down a tree just to dry your hands is no big deal to you. After all, the party of no (mantra – “drill baby drill”) must appreciate the glorious 30 mile wide oil slick (now visible from space!) sure to make the next decade pleasant for all of us who live near or vacation at the Gulf of Mexico. Hell, let’s chop down more trees so we’ll have enough paper towels to dry off all the oil-soaked wild life down there.

      May 3, 2010 at 8:28 am   rating: 45  small thumbs up

    • #3.6   beazy

      n word just cause a tree gets planted everytime one gets cut down… do you realize how long it takes trees to mature to the stage of being able to produce mass paper products? dumbass. fuck what party you are its common fuckin sense.

      May 3, 2010 at 10:29 am   rating: 13  small thumbs up

    • #3.7   ClearlyDemented

      I don’t like to get involved in these endless threads of debate that never changes anyone’s mind and usually results in mindless namecalling (or on this site, probably mindful namecalling is a better description), so I’m not going to mention that trees don’t just fall and become paper, that a lot of energy is used and pollution is produced during the process.

      P.S. You all smell like Chillicothe, Ohio on a warm summer’s day!

      May 3, 2010 at 11:23 am   rating: 20  small thumbs up

    • #3.8   H for Toy bang

      I thumbed you for “mindful namecalling”

      May 3, 2010 at 11:42 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

    • #3.9   HappyNat

      Dumocrats whoo hoo hoo! that is a good one, I’ve never EVER heard that before. Do you come up with these yourself or do you have a whole team of writers coming up with these gems?

      May 3, 2010 at 12:02 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #3.10   mamason bang

      I really had never heard that before. I found it quite amusing. Now, all you sappy, bleeding hearts, untwist your panties and calm down. I’ll be back soon. I’m gonna go chop down some trees just for the hell of it. Hey, it was good enough for George Washington. btw-Did you know they’re still trying to clean up the Exxon Valdez spill? Sounds like 2 decades of jobs to me!

      May 3, 2010 at 12:48 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #3.11   Canthz_B bang

      I like “Dumocrats”.

      Why you ask?

      Because only a well indoctrinated educated Fox News viewer can call someone an elitist intellectual and dumb in the same breath.

      I think it’s a marvel how their brains can hold such diametrically opposed ideas to be true in the same time and space.

      May 4, 2010 at 12:35 am   rating: 11  small thumbs up

    • #3.12   infant tyrone bang

      Maybe we need a new bumper sticker for Fox hounds…
      Do I contradict myself?
      Very well, then I contradict myself,
      I am large, I contain multitudes.
      Let ‘em cozy up to it, then let ‘em find out it’s Walt Whitman.
      Yeah, embrace that guy, Fox biotches…meltdown milkshake #13.

      May 4, 2010 at 1:08 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #3.13   Canthz_B bang

      I’m really tempted, but I’m going to leave the “Pro-life, Pro-death penalty, Anti-Government-funded health care, don’t touch my Medicare, Government can’t run anything big effectively, increase defense spending, lower my taxes, decrease the federal deficit” crowd alone…because they aren’t dumb.

      May 4, 2010 at 2:23 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

    • #3.14   HappyNat

      These are the same people who think Obama is a Socialist, Nazi, Communist, Muslim, because all ideologies have so much in common. Nazis and Communists are famous for how well they got along with each other.

      May 4, 2010 at 7:14 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #3.15   Xenobiologista

      Aside from what everybody else said…a tree plantation of acres and acres of identical trees is NOT a forest by any stretch of the imagination. Maybe only to people who never get out of the city and have no idea how to tell one tree from another.

      I’m Malaysian and one of my country’s ministers once tried to pull the same stupid shit by insisting that our country is still over 75% forested. He was counting rubber and oil palm (condoms and fat-laden cookies to you) plantations as “rainforest”.

      May 4, 2010 at 8:26 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #3.16   Canthz_B bang

      I know, Happy Nat.
      Did you hear about that party they threw at Stalingrad?

      An invitation was to die for.

      May 7, 2010 at 1:59 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #4   Bcteagirl

    That’s not water on the floor….

    May 3, 2010 at 1:05 am   rating: 21  small thumbs up

  • #5   Blogmella bang

    You shake your wet hands onto the floor and moments later somebody falls over? I can’t really imagine that working, unless you live in a cartoon.

    May 3, 2010 at 1:59 am   rating: 36  small thumbs up

    • #5.1   TheOldSchool bang


      Really? I just wish I could transport you back through time on a scotch-guarded magic carpet to show you some of the horrific public restroom accidents that I’ve seen and had.

      Not all of them were serious, but the ones that were … OMFG….

      Trust me, you’ll never look at spaghetti the same way again. (I know I don’t.)

      Why in God’s name aren’t landlords required by law to have helmets available for temporary use in their facilities? How many skulls need to be cracked open as they slam unceremoniously onto the hard, wet lip of a urinal before Congress acts?

      Restroom Helmets: the need for head protection has never been more urgent!

      May 3, 2010 at 2:49 am   rating: 22  small thumbs up

    • #5.2   Maas

      I don’t think it’s the water on the floor that knocks people over, it’s the wild flailing of arms required to get all the water off one’s hands.

      May 3, 2010 at 2:10 pm   rating: 15  small thumbs up

  • #6   humberthumbert

    oh, don’t worry, i do use my pants… but only when i’m not using the appropriate panties…

    May 3, 2010 at 2:12 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #7   infant tyrone bang

    Use pants to dry hands ?
    So, I should breathe rapidly and shallowly to dry my hands ?
    OK…but if my asthma kicks in, I’m taking the elevator down.

    May 3, 2010 at 2:30 am   rating: 31  small thumbs up

  • #8   TippingCows

    Why even give the bathroom patron something with which to dry their hands?
    They’re lucky we provide sinks, dammit.
    EVERYone should use their pants starting RIGHT NOW.

    May 3, 2010 at 3:54 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #8.1   park rose bang

      Agreed. Lots of them are dry clean only, after all.

      May 3, 2010 at 11:39 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #8.2   the Librarian

      People in England, in particular, should immediately start drying their hands on their pants.

      May 3, 2010 at 5:31 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #8.3   park rose bang

      But they might touch their trouser snake!

      May 3, 2010 at 5:52 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #9   H for Toy bang

    I’m not too worried about it. I always shake my hands on the floor very carefully.

    May 3, 2010 at 7:02 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

  • #10   Escape Goat

    Lovin’ the use of “and” in note #2. The voice takes on the persona of a crying 8-yr-old:

    Instead of shaking your hands and water falling on the floor and people slipping and, mommy, they made bad wet and it’s unsafe and (whimper) and .. and … and …

    May 3, 2010 at 7:47 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

  • #11   jaywalke

    Save the environment. Kill a student.

    May 3, 2010 at 8:14 am   rating: 17  small thumbs up

    • #11.1   Bcteagirl

      Think of all the water they could save if people just started relieving themselves directly on the floor! Won’t someone please think of the environment???

      May 3, 2010 at 10:25 am   rating: 13  small thumbs up

  • #12   ClearlyDemented

    The first note is such a circular gallimaufry of cause and effect that it may possibly open up a wormhole to another dimension if read out loud, due to the careless writing.

    May 3, 2010 at 8:23 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

    • #12.1   infant tyrone bang

      Gallimaufry FTWormhole !!

      May 3, 2010 at 10:38 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #12.2   ClearlyDemented

      Can you tell I love me a thesaurus?

      May 3, 2010 at 10:47 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #12.3   aaa bang

      I just wordgasmed.

      May 3, 2010 at 11:18 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #12.4   anglophile bang

      It reminded me of Gallifrey and I spent about 20 geeky minutes trying to find a Dr. Who reference.

      May 3, 2010 at 11:47 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

  • #13   Dyson

    Dyson Airblade is a rip-off of Mitsubishi Jet Towel pass it on

    May 3, 2010 at 9:09 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

  • #14   JJ Funk

    I think I saw that 2nd note at USF…

    May 3, 2010 at 10:02 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #15   dollbones bang

    But I always use my pants.

    Unless I’m wearing a skirt.

    Or shorts.

    (I never wear skorts.)

    May 3, 2010 at 10:41 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

  • #16   park rose bang

    What note one doesn’t say is: At a service station in the U.K. for lepers.

    “It’s just a flesh wound, truly, truly. . . no, no, not my flesh. A wound caused by bits of other people’s flesh, if you get my drift . . . it gets slippery when everyone shakes their appendages onto the floor.”

    May 3, 2010 at 11:44 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #16.1   infant tyrone bang

      So, if Oscar Wilde had been a leper, he’d'a been dripping
      with more than merely mordant wit and suppurating sarcasm ?

      May 3, 2010 at 2:46 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #16.2   park rose bang

      Well, John the Baptist did lose his head in one of Wilde’s plays.

      And to maybe answer your question, it might depend upon whether he was playing with the Queensbury jewels Rules or not.

      May 3, 2010 at 3:55 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #16.3   infant tyrone bang

      When Oh-dubya tilted at knight with the jewels of queens softly buried ‘neath satin sheets, Frivolity held sway o’er the tourney, men of poesy pressed lances ‘gainst the volume containing Boyle’s Law, and the only rules observed were faint straight lines on paper trying vainly to constrain fiery verses erupting gaily like Etna’s lava strewn rampant ‘cross the page.

      May 4, 2010 at 12:53 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #17   Edwina the Defrocked Nun

    Apparently, this is a thing …A retired friend who has done janitorial work for some extra income tells me that men/boys flick their wet hands at the mirror, while this is virtually never the case in the women’s/girls’ rooms.

    May 3, 2010 at 12:01 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #18   shwonline bang

    Sing it if you know it:

    Do not (not!)
    Shake your wet hands onto the ground
    As this
    May cause (cause!)
    Someone to slip and fall

    May 3, 2010 at 1:00 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

  • #19   ...

    Ironically enough, if you end up using paper towels you’ll end up not having trees anyway

    May 3, 2010 at 2:10 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #20   Denny DelVecchio

    I’ve always looked at it as keeping loggers employed.

    Anything for the economy.

    May 3, 2010 at 5:42 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #20.1   mamason bang

      Denny’s an optimist.

      btw- Love your Grand Slam.

      May 3, 2010 at 7:02 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #21   Woman on the Verge bang

    First note translated:


    May 3, 2010 at 6:35 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

  • #22   kowkow

    I used to splash water on the floor all the time because I hated the bitches who lived on my floor. They deserved to slip and fall.

    May 3, 2010 at 7:05 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #23   Canthz_B bang

    Dear Staff,

    We pay your lazy ass to keep the floor a lot cleaner.
    Stop bitching and grab your mop before you have to grab your pink slip!


    Stop raising my tuition to employ annoying staff members.

    May 4, 2010 at 12:45 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

  • #24   Rob

    This sounds like a big joke but I’ve witnessed a guy shaking his hands into a bathroom floor while standing next to the hand drier. I just thought that guy was a moron and never would have imagined it was so widespread a problem.

    May 4, 2010 at 5:55 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #25   Woman on the Verge bang

    Is anyone else worried about all those fools with their pants on the ground?

    May 4, 2010 at 1:43 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #26   Xenobiologista

    Here in Singapore the National Environment Agency prints posters with illustrative cartoons to ask people not to shake their wet hands over the floor. It’s the Nanny State, no kidding. Yet public toilet operators still get away with putting out bottles of diluted dish detergent for “hand soap”.

    May 4, 2010 at 8:30 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #27   Bruce

    Sure, some things (don’t pee in the freaking trash can!) should go without saying. But if you’re gonna say it, wouldn’t this be the time for absolute clarity? In this situation, the directive “behind the salad bar” seems dangerously vague.
    Oh, and did I mention that Jenna in Kansas spotted this notice at a local “salad bar/tanning salon”? [...]

    May 19, 2010 at 3:50 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up


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