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Those puddles on the floor? Not salad dressing.

May 5th, 2010 · 98 comments

Sure, some things (don’t pee in the freaking trash can!) should go without saying. But if you’re gonna say it, wouldn’t this be the time for absolute clarity? In this situation, the directive “behind the salad bar” seems dangerously vague.

Oh, and did I mention that Jenna in Kansas spotted this notice at a local “salad bar/tanning salon”? Because I’m sure that clears everything up.

Please do not urinate in the trash cans! Restrooms are located behind the salad bar. Thanks, Management

related: What is it about thrift-store fitting rooms?

FILED UNDER: Kansas · now that's management · piss · WTF?

98 responses so far ↓

  • #1   Quite Contrary

    Having to tell someone to not urinate in a trash can is a far bigger issue than the note itself. Were their customers raised by wolves?

    May 5, 2010 at 7:05 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

    • #1.1   infant tyrone bang

      Wolves operate in self-policing packs that would know better than this.

      Even my cat uses his same, designated, learned box if it’s raining outside or he’s in for the night.

      This sounds more like Night of the Over-Entitled Yuppie Zombies.

      May 5, 2010 at 9:05 pm   rating: 16  small thumbs up

    • #1.2   Auntybron

      If they were raised by wolves they would piss on the outside of the trash can to mark their territory.

      May 5, 2010 at 10:27 pm   rating: 19  small thumbs up

  • #2   Wade bang

    I have a feeling they need to invest in more than a sneeze guard.

    May 5, 2010 at 7:10 pm   rating: 45  small thumbs up

    • #2.1   TheOldSchool bang


      I laughed out loud at your comment.

      But then I remembered that you make your living as a highly-paid, professional salad bar and urinal salesman.

      What had been a hardy roly-poly belly laugh, mutated quickly into the kind of anguished pain I felt the night Claw and some of his inebriated poet-type friends surprised me by giving me an impromptu colostomy out by the dumpsters behind a Trader Joe’s.

      Listen, Wade, we all admire your sales hustle, but most of us are perfectly content living in modest dwellings that lack urinals and salad bars.

      May 6, 2010 at 2:09 am   rating: 10  small thumbs up

    • #2.2   infant tyrone bang

      Jeepers, TOS…
      That’s one heck of a Poetry Jam story. So much for imagining that razor-sharp metaphors and rapier-like wit are all sweet puppies and rainbows without the dark sides of rabies and motorcycles going over the high side after hitting a polychromatic micro-sized oil slick on the road.

      I know this is a cultural thing that resonates far more often with women, but…do you have a lot of trouble finding shoes to match the bag ?

      Gloria in peristalsis Deo !

      May 6, 2010 at 6:41 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #2.3   wurdnurd

      Does the salad bar offer urinal cakes for desert?

      May 6, 2010 at 9:07 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #3   Bunnee

    Combination salad bar/tanning salon? Ew. Something tells me those aren’t bacon bits….

    May 5, 2010 at 7:51 pm   rating: 19  small thumbs up

    • #3.1   park rose bang

      Or salad greens.

      May 5, 2010 at 9:38 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #3.2   QuarterRoy00 bang

      Or French Dressing

      May 6, 2010 at 7:41 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

  • #4   Fridge Pirate

    The Salad Bar smelling of piss was fucking delicious!

    May 5, 2010 at 8:44 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #4.1   TheOldSchool bang

      Would you care for Bleu Cheese, Ranch, Thousand Island, Italian, or Oil and Piss?

      May 6, 2010 at 2:14 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #4.2   Bunnee

      I believe “Oil and Piss” is the standard dressing at Subway….

      May 6, 2010 at 9:31 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

    • #4.3   park rose bang

      Or smell, if we’re talking underground and New York.

      May 7, 2010 at 1:27 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #5   mamason bang

    The restrooms are located behind the salad bar/tanning bed/urinal.

    May 5, 2010 at 8:47 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

  • #6   mamason bang

    At the point that I would ever have to leave such a note, I don’t know that I would be so polite as to say, “Please.”

    May 5, 2010 at 8:49 pm   rating: 12  small thumbs up

  • #7   infant tyrone bang

    Is this a state of denial ? State of paranoia ? WTF Todo, where are we ?

    Oh, this has to be a trap set by someone just seriously itchin’ for a former Californian to make the claim that not even in his erstwhile home state would you see such a gallimaufried combo as a salad bar/tanning salon…
    someone just ready to pounce back with “AHA, didn’t you know, somewhere on a back road between Gilroy (garlic capital) and Watsonville (artichoke capital) there lies just such an establishment ?”

    Ah, but the strawberries, doncha see ? That’s where I had ‘em.
    I knew about Desde el Sol Hasta el Jardin all along from watching this hybrid TV show that crossed The Amazing Race and a scavenger hunt, where the contestants had to find a place to buy poppyseed tanning lotion
    as well as a ranch dressing with an SPF45 rating.

    Please, Kansas, tell me these aren’t your people, but just savages passing through on the Interstate, or better yet, passing through a wormhole.

    Although Japanese sub commanders rued the enemy’s relative decorum,
    even Capt. Queeg didn’t have to tell his crew not to urinate in trashcans.

    May 5, 2010 at 8:53 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #7.1   Edwina the Defrocked Nun

      Who is this infant tyrone? He writes like Thomas Pynchon.

      On an unrelated note – you knew there was something about Kansas when they mandated teaching creationism in biology classes.

      May 6, 2010 at 10:43 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #7.2   infant tyrone bang

      See if I can do this the semi-short way.
      59 y/o MWM (M 20+ yrs.), Lit Major, varied employment/business history, bad back disability retired Gen Ed. + Sp. Ed. teacher (7th-12th kids at home due to medical/psych issues), living in Costa Rica for 1+ yr.
      Lit Influences/Heroes: Joyce, Beckett, Pynchon, D.F. Wallace, Robbins, Burroughs, Kathy Acker, Alice Sheldon, Ellison, Stephenson, Wm. Gibson, R.A. Wilson, C. Willis, P.K. Dick, Delaney, Borges, Vidal, usw…
      Comedy I/H: Sahl, Newhart, Freberg, Bruce, Pryor, Carlin, Hicks,
      Rock, Goldthwait, Izzard, Doug Stanhope, Ron Shock,
      Python/offspring, Beyond the Fringe/descendants, usw

      I’ll take the Pynchon comparison as a compliment…

      May 6, 2010 at 2:50 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #7.3   Woman on the Verge bang

      ty, haven’t I told you? Nice girls don’t like it when you get too adjacent.

      May 6, 2010 at 3:20 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #7.4   Mark bang

      Why would he want a “nice girl”? :twisted:

      May 6, 2010 at 3:48 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #7.5   oi bang

      ty, are you writing a biographical essay? I think that’d be too small of a comment. You need to put at least 100,000 words to qualify as a comment. :P

      May 6, 2010 at 4:56 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #7.6   infant tyrone bang

      C’mon oi,
      You know that’s (↑⇑↑) just a thumbnail version of the cultural/historical bandwidth specification for a liveware transceiver/computer hybrid.
      Sorry, I got no stories today. Used ‘em up yesterday + last night.
      But if you liked the Alice Sheldon story yesterday, I recommend…

      I noticed “Sybil vs. The Drunk Guy” somewhere…are you developing a taste for longer posts (or comments, I guess I mean comments) ?

      May 6, 2010 at 6:14 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #7.7   Canthz_B bang

      Ty, you read a great deal…is there a bowel issue you’re not telling us about?
      I always have to stop because my legs go to sleep. :-P

      May 7, 2010 at 12:39 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #7.8   infant tyrone bang

      Hadn’t thought of it until your comment, but maybe if I just ate the books after reading them the added fiber would help move things along.

      But, you have to admit that reading ala royale would be a distink advantage if I was ever to vacation over there in that Santorini.

      May 7, 2010 at 11:40 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #8   Sarah

    How did this urinating person go unnoticed?

    May 5, 2010 at 9:01 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #8.1   park rose bang

      crack that whip
      give the past the slip

      i say whip it out
      whip it good
      i say whip it out
      whip it good

      now whip it
      into shape
      shape it up
      get straight
      go forward
      move ahead
      try NOT to detect it
      it’s not too late
      to whip it, whip it good

      The men in flower pots always have the answers, and the one-eyed snake is stealthy and secretive in its ways. Indeed.

      May 5, 2010 at 9:45 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #8.2   aaa bang

      Besqueeze me? They’re energy domes, thank you. Jeeze!

      May 6, 2010 at 12:08 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #8.3   infant tyrone bang

      It’s not uncommon for some people to subconsciously impose a sensible and/or socially tolerable memory in place of something they witnessed which was either senseless or disgusting. Therapists count on this.

      Do the research…do the math…make a hypothesis.
      1) On average, the higher the number of psychiatrists, psychologists and social workers per capita in a state, the lower the suicide rate.
      2) Kansas is 39th in suicide rate. (More than 1 suicide per 10,000 citizens)
      3)Ergo, there are fewer licensed therapists per capita in Kansas.
      4)Hypothesis…Kansans just imprint something “nice” to remember after witnessing someone doing something like urinating into a trash can near a salad bar (not really, #17 explains the logistics of the situation, but hey, we’re having fun with suicide in Kansas). Only problem for Kansans is that when they can’t keep up the interior lie, they break down and commit suicide. (oi! look…maybe ?)
      So, one answer to your question is that the pisser was seen,
      then forgotten, then remembered, and was possibly
      the last conscious visual image of a dearly departed Kansan.

      Of course, there is a musical alternative…
      It was a slow day,
      And the sun was beating
      On the soldiers by the side of the road,
      These are the days of Miracle Whip and Wonder Bread,
      this is the long distance call,
      NIH wants to know how y’all manage it,
      Miss the leeks at the salad bar and all…

      * apologies to Paul Simon

      May 6, 2010 at 5:23 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #8.4   oi bang

      or may be just may be though. The trash can was inside tanning room you know, Where you are alone and naked being baked in UV rays and urge to urinate is so high…you don’t wanna put clothes back on and go to rest room and then again remove clothes and resume tanning. of course I don’t have high tech logic like psychiatrists – suicides and stuff or any statistics to back this up. I dunno how may tanning salons in Kansas let you throw your used tissues just on floor (that’ way they don’t have trash can inside room)nor how many of them allow two person together in tanning room and nope neither on how tanning excites your bladder.

      May 6, 2010 at 5:46 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #8.5   infant tyrone bang

      #8.3 was a hybrid of real stuff from a mental health site + intentionally dubious logic. Hope you got a laugh if you’re reading long things now.

      If you deduced the trash can inside the tanning room without benefit from K’s #17 from last night, then cheers for you. I might have figured it out eventually, but I was so confused from writing stuff I hoped would be clever that when I saw K’s comment my head dropped to the edge of the desk with a loud “Whack !” Too bad it didn’t help with the clever…

      May 6, 2010 at 6:29 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #8.6   oi bang

      as far as it’s intensionally dubious I think it’s fine.
      on serious note, length is not the only factor that drives the car when I want to decide if the “thing” would be read or not. Just saying.

      May 6, 2010 at 7:36 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #9   Escape Goat

    Thanks, management, for positioning the salad bar directly in front of the restrooms. You should try-out for a job with the zoning board. Oh, yeah, and thanks for reminding me not to piss in the trash cans. I guess you don’t want me to shit next to the soda machine, either. Love ya, The Turd Burglar.

    May 5, 2010 at 9:03 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

    • #9.1   Canthz_B bang

      EG, kinda makes you want to sing Misty, doesn’t it?!

      May 5, 2010 at 10:43 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

  • #10   Canthz_B bang

    Great…now the chicken-noodle soup is salty. :-(

    May 5, 2010 at 10:16 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

    • #10.1   Escape Goat

      ((gag)) You had to go there, Canthz. ;)

      May 6, 2010 at 6:44 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #10.2   Canthz_B bang

      Well, EG, I was gonna go with “Great…now the tomato soup is pink.”, but I really respect tomato soup! ;-)

      May 6, 2010 at 8:50 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #10.3   Escape Goat

      Tomato soup? I though that was the lobster pissque. ;)

      May 6, 2010 at 4:04 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #10.4   Mo® bang

      Pee soup with ham.

      May 6, 2010 at 4:06 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #10.5   infant tyrone bang


      May 6, 2010 at 4:56 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #10.6   Escape Goat

      “Ahhh, why not, I’ll take a squirt.”

      May 6, 2010 at 4:58 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #11   Canthz_B bang

    This could have been avoided if they’d just let the urinal cakes dissolve away rather than throwing them out when they get small.
    Personally, I’m hard-wired to piss on a urinal cake wherever I see one…“CLEAN-UP ON AISLE TWELVE!!”

    May 5, 2010 at 10:23 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

  • #12   ronx

    The source of those nasty e coli outbreaks has been revealed, restoring the honor of spinach farmers everywhere.

    May 5, 2010 at 10:27 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #13   Canthz_B bang

    It’s official…evolution does not exist in Kansas.

    May 5, 2010 at 10:38 pm   rating: 11  small thumbs up

    • #13.1   kenzie.

      Just because there’s one dumbass in Kansas doesn’t mean everybody is.

      I was born and raised there, I have a 5.7 GPA, and I have a free ride to almost any college in the country. So stfu about my state.


      May 5, 2010 at 10:57 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #13.2   Canthz_B bang

      I have a 54.78 GPA, and I know KS has more than one dumbass in it.
      Clearly, if the only one pisses in the trash can, then the person who felt the need to post a note is also a dumbass. That’s two by my math.

      Of course, you said “there”, not “here”, so I guess your parents got you the hell out before it was too late. ;-)

      PS: What grade does a kid have to get to fail these days…a “G”? :lol:

      May 5, 2010 at 11:04 pm   rating: 11  small thumbs up

    • #13.3   aaa bang

      Kansas is serious business. :|

      Try being from Kentucky, Skippy. That gets fun.

      May 6, 2010 at 12:13 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #13.4   ashmeadow

      North Kentucky is better than South Kentucky. Like two different worlds.

      May 6, 2010 at 1:59 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #13.5   aaa bang

      Northern Kentucky is basically Southern Ohio, but most people not familiar with the area lump all of Kentucky together and assume I ride horses and must live on a farm, or in Lexington, because all suburbs are in Lexington.

      May 6, 2010 at 2:45 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #13.6   infant tyrone bang

      Kids aren’t allowed to fail these days, or schools aren’t allowed to admit it.

      The Kansas School Board has allowed evolution since February 2007.
      The controversial “drug-free blinder therapy” that had been in place for the previous 7.5 years worked so well to keep Kansas’ krack kadre* of ADHD-afflicted students from being distracted by such chimerical sideshows as fossils and geological layering that Kansas students, having surged back into their former position of world academic leadership, are once again able to use textbooks with drawings and diagrams.
      The slow-but-sure (has a kinda long-time-frame, almost evolutionary ring to it, hmm) KSB tabled a vote on allowing textbooks with photographs, with moderate Board members publicly cautioning about “not getting too far too fast” and noticeably twitchy members mumbling to themselves about “the unnecessarily provocative distractions of hyperrealism”.

      * “krack kadre” is a brief homage to textual innovations in James Ellroy’s Underground USA Trilogy and is not related to the Bleeding Kansas years of 1854-1858 or to the KKK.
      PC-obsessed readers please readjust seatbacks, tray tables, and knickers.

      May 6, 2010 at 2:57 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #13.7   infant tyrone bang

      Maybe I’m not doing this math correctly (I’m a retired teacher whose district had a system that topped out at 5.0 for an “A” in honors classes), but it looks to me like to have a 5.7 GPA, you would have to ace 5 honors classes per semester as a high school freshman and then ace every one of the 30 AP courses (at 5/semester) over the next 3 years, getting only a couple of “B” grades or one “C” somewhere along the way.

      If this was your experience, congratulations to you, but don’t think you’re going to sucker a bunch of us old alumni/alumnae of Lake Wobegon (where we were all above average) into allowing your individual achievement(s) to act as a shield against the disparagement of your State for its 7.5-year flirtation with insanity by allowing local school districts to decide whether or not to teach evolution and/or creationism.

      Looks like Kansas has plenty of folks who could say they were the intellectual precursors to the recent surge and solidification of Palinism.
      Well, might be able to say that IF they didn’t think “intellectual” was a word to shy away from and they didn’t suspect that precursors were words like “darn” and “dang”, sort of gateway words to some serious cussin’…

      So, forget the timidity of the evolution/creationism controversy…
      we wanna know where you stand on important stuff like breastfeeding in public, “who vs. whom”, the Confederate flag, and the Swastika.
      We don’t accept “senior-itis” as an excuse here, so if you want to be taken as seriously as your GPA seems to indicate, submit a persuasive essay on one of these topics. The posting software here is erratic, so create your essay as a separate (saved) text file and post in segments if the software gags on your essay’s length. “How long should it be ?” you ask in earnest tones reminiscent of Jon Voight’s character in Midnight Cowboy.
      Well, kenzie, at least long enough to persuade an average Kansan, OK?

      May 6, 2010 at 4:40 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

    • #13.8   aaa bang

      Hey now, don’t be knocking senioritis. If it weren’t for senioritis, I would be sleeping instead of dicking around on here and finishing the last undergrad paper I’ll ever have to write. So yeah. Fuck being a responsible adult and getting shit done ahead of time. That shit’s for chumps.

      Also kenzie, hopefully one day you’ll learn to stop caring about success. I think it’s a sign of maturity. Or enlightenment. Or depression. Or maybe just being precocious and not waiting for a dead-end job to beat all of the bright-eyed idealism out of you. Either way, caring is for chumps.

      What the fuck was my point again?

      May 6, 2010 at 5:08 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #13.9   infant tyrone bang

      Calm down old undergrad (if you wanna).
      Of course senioritis is a decent excuse here, there, and everywhere…
      except if one is touting ones ginormous, codpiece GPA.

      You seem to have a case of senioritis that has moved into the ultra-paradoxical phase…a standard sufferer (not that they do) would be sleeping *instead of* working on an undergraduate paper.
      You might want to explore professional help for this condition.
      If not, my pro bono recommendation is a week-long total immersion in
      sex, drugs, and a music style of your choice.

      May 6, 2010 at 5:37 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #13.10   aaa bang


      The paper’s due in two and a half hours, so that’s why it’s senioritis. :3

      May 6, 2010 at 6:32 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #13.11   Canthz_B bang

      aaa, congratulations! Let me be the first to offer you your “sheepskin”! :-P

      May 6, 2010 at 7:56 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #13.12   aaa bang

      Oh my.


      May 6, 2010 at 8:25 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #13.13   Mo® bang

      Go aaa GOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!11!!!

      May 6, 2010 at 9:37 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #13.14   Mark bang

      You’re darn tootin’ I’m angry! I’ve never been this angry in my ENTIRE LIFE!!!
      …Hey! I feel great! I love being angry! Thank you, Stimpy.

      May 6, 2010 at 9:38 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #13.15   aaa bang


      Also, Ren and Stimpy makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside. At least before Kricfalusi got fired from his own show and the plots got stupid. Well, more stupid. But unfunny stupid. Yeah. :D

      May 6, 2010 at 9:53 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #13.16   Mo® bang

      It’s log for boys and log for girls!

      May 6, 2010 at 10:56 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #13.17   Languagegeek

      5.7 out of 10 is not all that impressive….

      5.7 out of 6 still has room for improvement.

      Just sayin’.

      May 6, 2010 at 11:44 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #13.18   Divvitar

      How do you get a 5.7 GPA anyway? Most places I know of, a 4.0 is as high as it gets. I’ve seen a 4.3 for straight A+ grades, but that system is rare. What is up with this?

      May 6, 2010 at 1:39 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #13.19   infant tyrone bang

      Google “6.0 GPA” and you will get the idea.
      For those too lazy to JFGI
      6.0=” A” in AP classes
      5.0= “A” in honors classes
      4.0=”A” in non-honors classes

      or see part of #13.7

      May 6, 2010 at 2:46 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #13.20   clumber

      13.11… why the fuck can’t i remember to NEVER CLICK ON CB OFFERED LINKS ? Clearly I am no where near as clever as I think I am… a vanquished thumb for CB.

      (For your amusement: initially I had no clue what that was an image of until I noticed the caption. Blame the gay in the girl.)

      May 6, 2010 at 5:56 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #13.21   gladystopia

      Hey clumber (and Canthz)–didja notice the specs at the bottom of that listing?

      Category: condoms
      Measurements: 1.875 inches long
      Material: latex, Natural Membrane

      I think I dated the prototype model for this item, if that length bit is at all accurate.

      May 6, 2010 at 6:31 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #13.22   clumber

      Gladystopia – are you kidding? As soon as my brain got past the “WTF is that…. OMFG… that is a condom…?!” never has the little ‘x’ on the window been hit so quickly.

      Besides, I leave that sort of attention to detail to y’all.

      May 6, 2010 at 9:08 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #13.23   Canthz_B bang

      ty, I know how the GPA system works. I just don’t approve…having had all AP courses (fucking thanks Mom!!), and not getting extra credit for it…just extra knowledge.
      The theory I suppose is that kids doing harder work work harder and deserve more credit for it, but they don’t work harder.
      Smart kids work just as hard to get an “A” in advanced work as average kids work to get an “A” in average work.

      It’s all relative.

      What I REALLY HATED was getting a “B” in grade school, while someone who didn’t do as well got an “A”.
      The teacher would say “He/she did their best, and you can do better.”
      I was like, “WTF? I did better than that idiot!”

      Good thing kids didn’t shoot up schools back then, because there’d be bodies, Man…there’d be bodies!!

      May 7, 2010 at 12:48 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #13.24   Canthz_B bang

      gladystopia, safe to say you weren’t dating Magnum Penii?? :-P

      May 7, 2010 at 1:00 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #13.25   park rose bang

      Clumber, @ 13.11: you mean, you can take the girl out of the gay, but you can’t take the gay out of the girl? ;)

      May 7, 2010 at 1:35 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #13.26   Canthz_B bang

      Gotta lick it out. :twisted:

      j/k, Clumber ♥

      May 7, 2010 at 1:47 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #14   Canthz_B bang

    That’s one feisty salad bar trash can.

    One might even say it’s full of piss and vinegar.

    May 5, 2010 at 10:48 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

  • #15   ISpy

    I’m OK with the ban on urination in the trashcan. I’m all about spitting and nose-picking anyway.

    May 5, 2010 at 11:20 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #15.1   Canthz_B bang

      I spat and picked my
      nose. Some comments soon arose.
      So I stopped that shit!

      May 5, 2010 at 11:26 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #15.2   Escape Goat

      The boogers at least go under the salad bar.

      May 6, 2010 at 7:06 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #16   aaa bang

    While I’m all for combining two completely disparate things into one giant, confusing monstrosity, I’m not quite sure why one would even want to combine a tanning salon with a salad bar. Salad bars are kind of lame and tanning beds make your skin look gross and vaguely non-human; the combination of the two does not seem very appealing. Maybe the cognitive dissonance of this confusing establishment is what’s compelling its patrons to piss in trash cans.

    May 6, 2010 at 12:27 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #16.1   veritybrown

      You have to understand the mentality. Tanning salons are about making your body look better by bombarding it with cancer-causing UV rays. Salad bars are about making your body look better by fueling it with (theoretically) low-calorie rabbit food instead of fattening meats and grains. The overlap in body-obsessed customers is huge.

      May 6, 2010 at 1:15 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #16.2   aaa bang

      Very true. Though it seems that the process would be much quicker if they just put locked themselves in the beds without food for hours on end.

      May 6, 2010 at 1:20 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #16.3   TheOldSchool bang

      Could it be that the pissing problem is, perhaps, beer related?

      I know that when I’m at some low-life salad bar, pounding down lettuce all day, I’m usually still able to fight off the urge to urinate into trash bins.

      May 6, 2010 at 2:28 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #16.4   Canthz_B bang

      If they’d just add an automobile detailing shop in the parking lot to go along with the salad bar/tanning salon, they’d be the perfect mid-life crisis center.

      May 6, 2010 at 8:37 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #16.5   infant tyrone bang

      Add an auto paint shop and do spray-on tans for emergency customers.
      Tack a fern bar onto the salad bar, so when the decor of one gets a little long in the spore-bearing tooth it becomes fodder for the lunch trade.
      Don’t forget the rolling jewelry kiosk in front of the fern bar.

      May 6, 2010 at 9:42 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #17   K

    First, the combo of a salad bar/tanning salon is gross.

    And second, for clarification I’m pretty sure they mean the trash cans in the rooms with the tanning beds. I used to work at a tanning salon and some people would piss in the trash can so they didn’t have to walk to the bathroom.

    May 6, 2010 at 12:53 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #17.1   infant tyrone bang

      Aha…it starts to make sense, like Eraserhead on 3 tabs instead of 1.
      Shit, now I have to call that biomed dealer and cancel my ibogaine order!

      Thought experiment…
      imagine Hunter Thompson taking an assignment to write a daily column while being sequestered for a week in this establishment.

      May 6, 2010 at 3:17 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #18   Blogmella bang

    Why are you all making nasty comments? It’s like you don’t think incontinent people should be ALLOWED to get tans, or eat salad!

    May 6, 2010 at 1:55 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #18.1   aaa bang

      Of course not. Incontinent people need to be trained better so they can better appreciate the privilege of tanning while eating salad. They need to have their noses rubbed in their mess until they learn to pee outside like classy-ass motherfuckers.

      May 6, 2010 at 2:48 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #18.2   park rose bang

      Well, not if they’re going to make an incontinental breakfast out of it, blogmella.

      May 6, 2010 at 3:17 am   rating: 11  small thumbs up

    • #18.3   infant tyrone bang

      I was beginning to think myself a fool for passing up a chance to invest in those standalone Internet terminals that I seldom see and never in use.

      Thank God I “held on” until I saw the “wave of the future” investment opportunity of a lifetime…standalone “Depends” dispensers.

      I was imagining a modest but steady income based on machines located in gas stations, highway rest stops, and seedy taverns, but now that “K” has opened my eyes to the multi-unit sales possible in tanning salons,
      I’m moving to Topeka soon,
      gonna be an absorbent undergarment tycoon.

      * For Ruth Underwood, AKA Ma-rimba

      May 6, 2010 at 3:36 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #18.4   Blogmella bang

      Good idea! And don’t forget salad bars. I reckon another good place for dispensers would be next to any outlet that sells cigarettes. People could buy a packet of cigarettes and pick up a handy “Depends” for later (when they’ll have wet the old one, during a coughing fit).

      May 6, 2010 at 5:28 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #18.5   Bunnee

      Well, Depends tend to leave a noticable tan line.

      May 6, 2010 at 9:36 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #18.6   Woman on the Verge bang

      Rose, if only I could thumb you repeatedly… :)

      May 6, 2010 at 2:48 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #19   Mo® bang

    New Depends™ Speedees for that French beach look!

    May 6, 2010 at 9:41 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #19.1   H for Toy bang

      And I didn’t think anything could make Speedos worse.

      May 6, 2010 at 4:27 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

  • #20   dragonflygrrl

    I’m a touch ashamed to admit this, but hey, it’s the internet. I currently live in Kansas, and there is in fact a salad bar/tanning salon in the town where I live. A salad bar/tanning salon, in fact, which has pink craggy walls a la the photo. I hate to be the person who “pounces back with” the knowledge of such an establishment’s existence and location, but then I also hate wondering if patrons of my local salad bar are pissing in the trashcans.

    I think this fine establishment is in Pittsburg, KS. Oh my. I ate there last week. Is it ironic that I eat salad there but do not tan because of health concerns?

    May 6, 2010 at 12:10 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #20.1   ISpy


      May 7, 2010 at 9:37 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #21   clumber

    My Dad used to make up stories about strange combination businesses he would like to open. Such as the Fish Hospital/Seafood bar.

    I was a bit relieved to see that this PAN is not from Boulder.

    May 6, 2010 at 6:00 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

  • #22   Jenna

    It is also a juice bar and coffee shop. And the outside of the building says Sunsational Massage or something, but I don’t know where that would be. The building isn’t that big.

    And the trashcan was about a foot high with a lid. Inside the booth.

    May 8, 2010 at 10:33 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #23   kerry anna

    I used to be an Assistant Manager at a tanning salon. On my first day I was required to read a an employee manual with an entire section devoted to handling customer “bathroom” situations. I thought it was a joke. It certainly was not – notes like the one posted above are absolutely essential. I didn’t expect to be dealing with so many fluids on a daily basis (sweat I was prepared for, poop and pee not so much). At least two people would pee into a garbage can every single shift – no exaggeration. Poop was a little more rare, maybe every four shifts or so. People messing up the actual bathrooms was even more rare than poop, probably about every other week. Vomit, maybe once or twice a month. Yep, that’s right – tanners are fucking disgusting. I never knew. And I really don’t understand the connection, maybe being under all the warm light does something to the bowels? (I’ve never actually tanned, just took the job in a pinch) It’s sad and disturbing but let me say it again – NOTES LIKE THE ONE PICTURES ARE ABSOLUTELY NECESSARY IN TANNING SALONS!!

    May 10, 2010 at 12:28 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #24   Max Time bang

    thanks for the note, I’ll jus take a leak in this salad

    May 13, 2010 at 8:59 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #25   The "Golden Glow" of the Tanning Salon |

    [...] besides that whole skin cancer thing, there’s the fact that tanning booths — like  thrift-store fitting rooms — seem to bring out the animal in everyone. And [...]

    Jun 2, 2011 at 3:13 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up


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