In case you were wondering why we’re closed

May 10th, 2010 · 75 comments

…the proprietors of this Toronto bar will leave you pondering some different questions instead.

TONITE: SUNDAY 25th BANGBANG BAR IS CLOSED DUE TO FEMALE TEMPERMENT [sic] ISSUES

Meanwhile, as Will observed, a Shell station in Austin apparently abides by a similar “honesty is the best” policy.

Due To Tonyas drug habbit [sic] store will be Closed

…as does a shopping center in Tyler, Texas, where Erin spotted this explanation (on a 100-degree July day).

Temporarily closed Due to Shopping Center Mgmt. Refusal To Repair 32 Year Old A/C Unit.

Similar venting was on display at a store in Ironton, Ohio. (“For the record, I cannot validate whether or not the ‘oner’ was an in fact an asshole,” says submitter Meagan.)

CLOSED FOREVER DUE TO ASSHOLE ONER [sic]

And smetimes, of course, brutal honesty isn’t enough.

Sorry, we are CLOSED due to short staff. (Hire taller staff cause I need a taco!)

So really, why bother with an explanation at all?

Not Sorry

Fuck off we're closed

related: Closed for good! Remember that the cheese loved you more than you loved it.

FILED UNDER: "customer service" · bar · don't blame us · drugs · most popular notes of 2010 · Norway · Ohio · raging against the machine · restaurant · retail hell · spelling and grammar police · Texas · Toronto


75 responses so far ↓

  • #1   QuarterRoy00 bang

    I’m confused…is the bar closed for a Bang Bang to help w/ female temperament issues?

    May 10, 2010 at 9:44 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #1.1   se

      whoops, I read that as “gang bang bar”.
      That would explain female temperment, tho, wouldn’t it.

      May 11, 2010 at 8:43 am   rating: 16  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.2   Canthz_B bang

      Depends upon which gang is banging her.
      It’s OK if it’s the Crips…but the Bloods could cramp her style.

      May 11, 2010 at 8:47 am   rating: 13  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.3   se

      or maybe it’s that hockey team the Red Wings.

      May 11, 2010 at 9:18 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #2   Melissa B

    Wish i were tall enough to apply for that taco job.

    May 10, 2010 at 9:47 pm   rating: 20  small thumbs up

    • #2.1   Mo® bang

      “must resist urge to make off color taco joke…”

      May 11, 2010 at 8:57 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.2   H for Toy bang

      Why start resisting now?

      May 11, 2010 at 9:29 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.3   Mo® bang

      Like her mom it would be too easy! :razz:

      ♥ H for Toy!

      May 11, 2010 at 9:39 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.4   Melissa B

      Mum thinks i should apply!

      May 13, 2010 at 8:53 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #3   Cyclotron

    Is Tonya a Hobbit? Because she has a “habbit”…

    May 10, 2010 at 9:50 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

     
  • #4   seacurs

    Is a drug hobbit anything like a dopey dwarf?

    May 10, 2010 at 10:01 pm   rating: 28  small thumbs up

    • #4.1   AuntyBron

      Well, only one of the dwarfs is Dopey.
      And I think you mean “drugged hobbit”, didn’t you?

      May 10, 2010 at 11:48 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.2   Climidiuhhhh

      Hi there Aunty. Make go bye because dislike of words and face.

      May 11, 2010 at 10:47 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #5   Long before dawn

    /plays Pistol-Packin Mama to help enlighten you

    May 10, 2010 at 10:26 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #6   Canthz_B bang

    Next to last sign: Are they close to opening, or are they locked in there having sex?

    May 10, 2010 at 11:11 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

    • #6.1   Donna Martin Graduates!

      I don’t get it… Where did you get ‘sex’ in the penultimate sign?

      May 10, 2010 at 11:39 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.2   infant tyrone bang

      No “penultimate” please, we’re not British.
      If we get really, really high and play croquet for money, then you can say penultimate (to designate the next-to-last wicket) but not unless & until…

      May 11, 2010 at 12:38 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.3   Canthz_B bang

      My bad. I’m usually pretty close to someone during sex…but I’m not all that well-endowed so I have to be! ;-)

      May 11, 2010 at 12:56 am   rating: 13  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.4   Donna Martin Graduates!

      aw!

      May 11, 2010 at 1:42 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.5   infant tyrone bang

      Attsa my thumbs dere. but I’m having trouble with #6.1′s question as well as your reply at #6.3…any help to the clueless will be much appreciated.

      May 11, 2010 at 1:45 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.6   Canthz_B bang

      Nope…I rarely explain a joke once…never twice! ;-)

      May 11, 2010 at 2:16 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.7   farcical aquatic ceremony

      until CB’s answer @ 6.3, I THOUGHT I understood 6 to be a ref to a possible “We’re having a Fuck Off!”, as in “come one, come all*, to the 13th annual Fuck Off!”

      May 11, 2010 at 7:42 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.8   se

      maybe it has something to do with the short staff in the other store.

      May 11, 2010 at 8:49 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.9   Woman on the Verge bang

      I thought may be the “Fuck Off” winner was the Oner in the Asshole. Huh.

      May 11, 2010 at 9:27 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.10   bored at work

      Don’t worry Canthz. I get you. Close today. Maybe closer tomorrow.

      May 11, 2010 at 2:29 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.11   park rose bang

      No clothes makes one even closer . . . and if CB really does have a short staff . . . ;)

      You almost got the hole in one, baby (note 3) – so close, so close so . . . so, dagnabbit . . . *sigh* Like bored at work says, maybe closer tomorrow!

      May 11, 2010 at 4:45 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #7   Odious

    It’s my “temperment” to have a “habbit” to close my store today (just like I do every day).

    There’s a freaking Walmart ad that expands and covers the comment box every time the pointer gets near it.

    May 10, 2010 at 11:17 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

     
  • #8   jadefirefly

    I misread the first one as GangBang bar. The first two thoughts through my head were:

    1. What the hell sort of name is that?
    2. Do they really CARE if the girls are having bad days?

    May 10, 2010 at 11:21 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #8.1   Escape Goat

      Yeah, me too, Bang Bang Bar is so much classier.

      May 11, 2010 at 7:54 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #9   Donna Martin Graduates!

    Tonya and her habbit would not be welcome at the taco place.

    May 10, 2010 at 11:35 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #9.1   infant tyrone bang

      So, what ??
      You all high and mighty sayin’ who can get high where an’ when ?
      Maybe Tonya suxxors at cashiering, but
      maybe she makes a kneecap bustin’ taco.

      You wan’ she should trace your IP and send El Jefe Jeff-e to bong you ??

      May 11, 2010 at 12:48 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #9.2   El Jefe

      Whoa! Under whose authority is my name being invoked?

      Is it because I refused to repair a 32-year-old? Screw that!

      May 16, 2010 at 9:12 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #10   The Great Joe Bivins

    Perhaps they could make do with the short staff if they just put the taco meat on a lower shelf?

    May 11, 2010 at 12:46 am   rating: 18  small thumbs up

    • #10.1   infant tyrone bang

      As they say on the links: Logic 2 the 4 !

      May 11, 2010 at 12:49 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #10.2   TheOldSchool

      Joe,

      Good point. They could also try just putting the taco meat on the lower portion of the folded tortilla.

      If that requires too much extra training, they might try lowering the front counter.

      Stilts? Not around hot grease, my amigo!

      May 11, 2010 at 3:36 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #10.3   Canthz_B bang

      Short staff have low standards, they have trouble reaching the high bar.

      Of course, even at half-staff, the standard is still visible.

      May 11, 2010 at 8:26 am   rating: 11  small thumbs up

       
    • #10.4   Woman on the Verge bang

      CB, put your staff away. This is NOT show and tell.

      May 11, 2010 at 11:37 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #11   Canthz_B bang

    If Moses had carried a short staff, the Israelites would have had to swim for it.

    May 11, 2010 at 1:03 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #11.1   FeRD bang

      C’mon… you should know it’s NOT the size of the staff, it’s the motion of your ocean!

      (Well… Sea, anyway.)

      May 11, 2010 at 1:33 am   rating: 10  small thumbs up

       
    • #11.2   Canthz_B bang

      FeRD, you’re making me Sea Red!! :lol:

      May 11, 2010 at 2:14 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #11.3   jaywalke

      Moses did have a short staff. He had to keep throwing back the hood of his garment so he could see where to aim his little stick. Finally, he cut the hood right off.

      May 11, 2010 at 7:58 am   rating: 14  small thumbs up

       
    • #11.4   Canthz_B bang

      Moses probably thought the procedure would be difficult, but it turned out to be a Briss breeze.

      May 11, 2010 at 8:18 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #11.5   jaywalke

      You seem to know a lot about this. Tell me mohel.

      May 11, 2010 at 8:21 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #12   jaywalke

    That is so weird . . . I refer to my marriage as the BangBang Bar. It used to be open, too.

    May 11, 2010 at 7:06 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

     
  • #13   Escape Goat

    We close today.

    Me no sorry.

    (Me so horny.)

    May 11, 2010 at 8:10 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #13.1   Mo® bang

      Be safe and wear your full metal jacket.

      May 11, 2010 at 9:02 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #14   Canthz_B bang

    Looks like someone didn’t much like anal sex.
    They are now closed forever to asshole boners.

    May 11, 2010 at 8:23 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #14.1   FeRD bang

      Think you missed a word there, Canthz — they’re “closed forever DUE to asshole-boner”!

      Sounds like somebody’s awfully enamored of his newfound sexual skillset! (And awfully confident in his ability to indefinitely sustain the aforementioned asshole-boner. Personally, I find I eventually get too pooped to play!)

      May 12, 2010 at 12:12 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #15   Canthz_B bang

    I’m still wondering why “Sorry” decided not to take credit for that sign.
    Maybe he was too close to the situation to be impartial.

    May 11, 2010 at 8:34 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #15.1   Woman on the Verge bang

      Or he just isn’t fucking sorry, okay? We closed. You get life.

      May 11, 2010 at 9:31 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #16   aaa bang

    I’m 5’1″. I suppose I should be glad I won’t be asked to make tacos.

    May 11, 2010 at 8:59 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #16.1   Mo® bang

      Will you make a quesadilla? Please?

      May 11, 2010 at 9:03 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #16.2   aaa bang

      Short food for short people?

      May 11, 2010 at 4:02 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #16.3   Mo® bang

      and llamas.
      I’ll make margaritas!

      May 11, 2010 at 4:22 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #16.4   se

      aaa, you could be a short order cook

      May 11, 2010 at 7:28 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #16.5   aaa bang

      Oh my, puns. D:

      May 11, 2010 at 7:32 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #17   Mo® bang

    So this Toronto Retro Martini Bar on Bloor street has Karaoke with twin wireless mikes…is this the “Bang bang”? Do they let you bring Thai food in from next door? Is it still a cougar bar? So many questions… Paging Glen Bang.

    May 11, 2010 at 10:00 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

     
  • #18   YO!Adrian

    Maybe the sign in Ironton Ohio originally read Asshole Boner which led to a boycott. Nobody in Ohio want to buy stuff from some homo!

    May 11, 2010 at 10:38 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #19   Sam S

    People, stop joking around, okay?

    It reads “Tonya’s drug RABBIT”

    Ever had to deal with a lepus hopped up on speed? That shit can close down an entire block.

    May 11, 2010 at 11:21 am   rating: 11  small thumbs up

    • #19.1   Mo® bang

      And when ‘White Rabbit’ comes to that fantastic note where the rabbit bites its own head off, I want you to throw that fuckin’ radio into the tub with me!

      May 11, 2010 at 1:03 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #19.2   Sam S

      Jesus Christ… someone is feeding speed to these rabbits…

      And it won’t be long… until they tear us to shreds.

      May 12, 2010 at 7:02 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #20   Blogmella bang

    Oh those tattoo artists are such hardcore rebels, with their “Fuck off” sign and their pastel pink building.

    May 11, 2010 at 2:37 pm   rating: 22  small thumbs up

    • #20.1   Escape Goat

      (star) It’s salmon, OK!? (star)

      May 11, 2010 at 6:30 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #20.2   FeRD bang

      Salmon, pink, what-the-fuck ever. There’s still a gumball machine right inside the door!

      Badass. :-/

      May 12, 2010 at 12:18 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #20.3   Sam S

      I didn’t know that Hallmark ran tatoo shops.

      May 12, 2010 at 7:06 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #20.4   rigpixie

      I live near the tattoo parlour; they don’t own the building and Stavanger, Norway has weird ass strict laws about colors, etc that are allowed in town.

      They allow signs like that, however, because it’s not swearing in Norwegian. Go figure.

      May 18, 2010 at 9:49 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #21   Edwina the Defrocked Nun

    Ya gotta love American small business.

    May 11, 2010 at 2:52 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #22   LordOfThePants

    cop reading note: “officer, there are two armed men inside.”
    his partner: “I sure hope so, a one-armed man ain’t gonna be able to make a taco.”

    May 11, 2010 at 3:14 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

     
  • #23   Escape Goat

    A 32-yr-old needs repair? Geez, try being 40 years old, lil bitch.

    May 11, 2010 at 5:52 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #24   Troy

    HA! Bang Bang Bar is right by my house! I wonder if it’s opened again.

    May 12, 2010 at 12:20 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #25   Max Time bang

    I don’t care if she’s at that time of the month, I just want my taco biaaaaaaaaatch

    May 13, 2010 at 8:57 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #26   Mary Kate

    It’s the note with “Sorry” that is then crossed out, that made me shriek and frighten someone in the next room. Like, “No I’ve thought about it and I’m not sorry and why should I pander to you anyway?”

    Jun 13, 2010 at 5:50 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #27   Area woman shocked by discovery: “service employees have families too”? | PassiveAggressiveNotes.com

    [...] In case you’re wondering why we’re closed [...]

    Dec 29, 2010 at 4:58 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #28   Funniest (not necessarily passive-aggressive) notes of 2010 | PassiveAggressiveNotes.com

    [...] In case you were wondering why we’re closed [...]

    Jan 4, 2011 at 8:14 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     

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