Our submitter in Amherst, Massachusetts was heading to class at UMass one day when she saw no fewer than twelve of these signs posted throughout the hallways and doors of her apartment building. “My neighbors had a fun time responding with comments all over them,” she says, at least for the day and half before they got taken down.
I think my favorite part of this one is the handwritten notes at the bottom. One neighbor suggests, “Perhaps you should talk to the people in this building instead of making them think you’re mean, dramatic and cowardly,” and the writer, pouty-faced, responds, “Well I have said this before and nobody listens.” (Unwritten response: “Boo-FUCKING-hoo. Sounds like somebody needs to get laid.” )
related: When parking gets political
85 responses so far ↓
#1
Jonathan
That moment of disturb was fucking delicious.
(first!)
May 12, 2010 at 7:35 pm rating: 2
#2
ClearlyDemented
And next week on Pulp Non-Fiction…
May 12, 2010 at 7:37 pm rating: 2
#3
Gretchen
Sounds like a grand argument for personal parking spaces. $500 per month is far too much to spend on a chance to park in an unspecified space in a lot. Hell, $0 is too much, for that matter.
May 12, 2010 at 7:41 pm rating: 10
#4
Kimmypie
$500 a month? Are you shitting me? I’ve NEVER paid less than $100o a month. Not anywhere that was worth living anyway. Maybe that’s your problem?
Also, crack dealers who DELIVER? Most people have to go to their dealers…how do you guys get special treatment up in Boston?
May 12, 2010 at 7:43 pm rating: 31
#5
bobbaloops
yhah
May 12, 2010 at 7:43 pm rating: 0
#6
YYC
If the parking is assigned, then call a tow truck. Otherwise, grow up. Paying 500 “fucking” dollars a month in rent doesn’t entitle you to much more than an assurance they’ll try and avoid storing corpses in your parking stall.
May 12, 2010 at 7:46 pm rating: 26
#7
Woman on the Verge
Where can I see a fucking sign? How cool would that be?
May 12, 2010 at 7:46 pm rating: 16
#8
jd
if you dont get the anger, you never lived in Massachusetts.
May 12, 2010 at 7:51 pm rating: 22
#9
Fanboy Wife
I hate when I can’t find a parking space too, so I started renting a garage. Yes, it’s an extra $35 a month, but at least I have somewhere to park every night.
May 12, 2010 at 7:52 pm rating: 12
#10
boop de woop
Just get a frakking roo bar and shove them out of the way. Maybe cover it in insulation so you won’t get bills for damages.
May 12, 2010 at 7:53 pm rating: 2
#11
The Leen
If it’s not assigned parking, then fuck him. Take some daytime classes, asshole. Get all your friends to park in all the spaces every night. Jerk.
May 12, 2010 at 7:53 pm rating: 5
#12
ISpy
I love that after the initial choice of the word fucking, he went with freaking, then copulate, and then just couldn’t stand it anymore and used fucking for the rest of the note. And people…what about his font choice? Where are we on that?
May 12, 2010 at 8:16 pm rating: 15
#13
Dirk
He pays for living there, not for parking there …
May 12, 2010 at 8:49 pm rating: 5
#14
suzanne
yeah cause why would you wanna park where you fucking live? That’s just fucking crazy!
May 12, 2010 at 9:13 pm rating: 28
#15
Escape Goat
The use of “freaking” prior to the list is completely random: “Freaking girlfriend, boyfriend ….” I think the font size grows a bit, for a moment.
In every other instance he uses a variation of “fuck.” Seems as if Captain Fuckety-Fuck-Fuck wanted to show a little respect for the visitors … for that brief fraction of a second.
May 12, 2010 at 9:33 pm rating: 2
#16
TippingCows
I kind of get what he is saying. Unfortunately, if people were rude enough to take up the residents’ parking spaces before, they’re going to do it gleefully after seeing that note.
You catch more flies with honey, buster … (and money, and promises of whores and better, cheaper crack).
May 12, 2010 at 10:44 pm rating: 13
#17
Canthz_B
Writing this note and posting at least a dozen copies was a huge waist of time given that 3:15 in the fucking morning is the perfect time to let the air out of someones tires.
May 12, 2010 at 11:13 pm rating: 41
#18
Nack
500 bucks and it’s not assigned parking?
I think I’d be ranting at management instead of at my fellow neighbors. Loud, in person, and completely aggressive. Especially to -get- assigned parking so I can call a tow-truck and forget it ever happened.
May 12, 2010 at 11:58 pm rating: 1
#19
Canthz_B
“A long ass day at work” kinda makes you wonder what line of work the note-writer is in.
We already have an idea it involves “night work”.
No stranger to a “fucking” either.
May 13, 2010 at 1:53 am rating: 8
#20
Canthz_B
Wait…if he has to find somewhere else to park so he doesn’t get a ticket, does that mean he would be parked illegally if he used his usual space?
Thank Goodness for small favors!!
May 13, 2010 at 3:08 am rating: 0
#21
Kou
Fuckin’ A, remind me never to live anywhere you have to pay ANYTHING to park in front of your own domicile. wtf
May 13, 2010 at 4:51 am rating: 2
#22
snatchbeast
ohmygod, $500 for an apt anywhere in MA is pretty sweet… so fuck you
May 13, 2010 at 4:56 am rating: 0
#23
Splint Chesthair
See the problem with this note is the appeal to his specific ordeal like he or she is special and therefore deserves a break. Look at how much I pay! Look at how hard I work! Look at how late I work! It’s as if no one else there pays, or works hard or late.
Best bet is to be objective about notes like these, “Hey guys, if you’re going to have guests stay the night it would be nice if they could find alternative parking leaving the private lot open for residents. Thank you.”
Life sucks, there’s not much you can do about it more than that other than try to get the owner to paint numbers in the spaces.
May 13, 2010 at 6:34 am rating: 5
#24
FoxtrotAlpha
This makes no sense, this guy is obviously losing his mind over the parking situation. Is it so hard to ask for management to provide a windshield sticker to rent-paying tenants? Those without the sticker could then be towed at owner’s expense. Done and done. *slap hands* Apparently I’m a rocket scientist.
May 13, 2010 at 7:21 am rating: 11
#25
Max Time
well i think whoever wrote that horribly horiffic frickin crazy outrageous side note underneath this nice gentleman’s note deserves some horrible breakfast from sonic
May 13, 2010 at 8:45 am rating: 1
#26
Max Time
Just avoid drinking vodka with your grandma, then stealing and wearing her panties and getting a massive hangover the next day, you obviously weren’t in your parking spot.
May 13, 2010 at 8:53 am rating: 0
#27
HandyMarigolds
Anybody else notice the 180-degree tone change between the hostile note and the “*sniffle, sniffle* Nobody listens!” reply to the calm, rational rebuttal?
It’s kind of sweet, actually. Tough guy on the outside, softie on the inside. You just know NW goes to seedy dive bars, gets into brawls, and then rescues kittens on the way home.
May 13, 2010 at 10:00 am rating: 7
#28
maggie
i don’t see how he knows that the people parked there aren’t other residents of the building.
May 13, 2010 at 10:02 am rating: 0
#29
Ryan
The only passive-aggressive notes I’ve ever left are when some douche takes my parking spot at my apartment building. I pull in real tight behind them and leave a note: “When you need to leave, call ###-#### and I’ll let you out of MY SPACE.”
The frequency of parkers in my spot has decreased dramatically.
May 13, 2010 at 12:34 pm rating: 22
#30
Gilly
I’ve been there. Whilst my first impulse was to do some damage to the offending car (e.g. keying/denting panels, letting down tyres, etc.), I quickly realised that the owner wouldn’t have to be Sherlock Holmes to figure out who did it -they’d just wait until I’d parked in my rightful spot and exercise some retribution. Swiftly. Parking in behind the car isn’t necessarily an option either (often you then block other people). A makeshift wheel clamp (i.e. a heavy chain and lock) with a note on the windshield advising the offending fucktard of your new and inventive security measure worked well for me. But you might want to bring a baseball bat for when you are called to unlock it. Just because they drive a hatchback doesn’t mean they won’t kick your ass.
May 13, 2010 at 8:55 pm rating: 0
#31
Betch
I can understand his frustration: I hate having to park in a lot far away from my apartment building after going grocery shopping or coming home from the night shift at work, because my neighbors are having a party. However, I suck it up and walk the extra five minutes. Complaining will only make me look like a fool, and I also have friends over once in a while, and I’m sure they have fucked up the parking situation every now and then. If you’re bitching about people taking up parking because they have guests over, then you don’t have a social life.
(Though I suppose I’d be a bit more sympathetic if it were people parking there that didn’t live there and were staying every night; that’s actually a violation of the rent agreement.)
May 14, 2010 at 6:52 am rating: 1
#32
Cathy Butler
DEAR UPSET FUCKING CAR PARKER:
I apologize profusely! You are right; I admit that I did not see a Fucking Sign. But you must admit (and in my own defense) neither was there a Fucking Sign that said ‘Parking Only for Disher Outers of Fucking Dollars’. And in my experience ALL parking spots are by nature Fucking Places to park.
Again, you are right! When I pulled in at 3:14 in the Fucking Morning I did not see a Fucking Sign by the parking spot that said ‘A Fucking Place to Park’. I have learned my lesson: not all places to park are Fucking Places to Park!
Perhaps when you do not have a Long Ass Day of Work you could show me these Other Fucking Places to park my Fucking Car so that I too can avoid Fucking Tickets. At the same time we could discuss Total And Utter Bullshit, although I am not sure whether Total And Utter Bullshit encompasses ALL Fucking Dollars, Fucking Tickets, Fucking Cars, Fucking Mornings, Fucking Places, Fucking Signs, or just those experienced in your own Long Ass Days ONLY.
My conscience demands that I come completely clean. I am a Freaking Girlfriend of a Freaking Boyfriend AND a Freaking Lover of a Freaking Boyfriend (yes, I was once a simple-minded Freaking Etcetera, but an intuitive character remodel helped me move on to being a fine and productive Freaking).
A brief aside, please, purely out of curiosity and for my own edification. I noticed that things, places, and times are FUCKING, but males, females, copulaters, criminals, and etceteras are FREAKING. Is this differentiation merely a personal usage to add whimsy or is it a strict matter of grammar similar to there, their, and they’re? Also, is FREAKING always a larger font than surrounding text? Also, should BULLSHIT always be underlined? Also, I understand the usage of 4 exclamations (exclamation quantity adds weight to the Fuckings and Freakings!!!!) but I am unfamiliar with using a question mark preceding those 4 exclamations?!!!! Would this not make it questionable intensity? Or should this be read as an aggressive inquiry?
Anyway . . .
Maybe, subconsciously, I have begun to think that my Regular Basis Copulation with my Freaking Boyfriend makes me entitled. But never would I think that Regular Basis Copulation would entitle me to my own personal free parking lot. Seriously! An entire parking lot!
Changes must be made on my part.
Understandably, I will not reduce my Regular Basis Copulation with my Freaking Boyfriend, but will reconsider the appropriate scope of my entitlement.
SINCERELY,
A Fucking Car Owner and Regular Basis Copulater Needing a Fucking Place with a Fucking Sign to Park in in the Fucking Morning (Except a Fucking Place with no Fucking Sign Used by Disher Outers of Fucking Dollars) to Avoid Fucking Tickets
P.S. For your own reference or so that you can narrow down the identities of all Freaking Etceteras, Freaking Crack Dealers don’t usually PARK in Fucking Places to park. As a rule Freaking Crack Dealers’ customers GO TO the Freaking Crack Dealer. I believe this is so that both Freakings can quickly drive away, probably so that they can avoid Fucking Tickets. After all, who does like a Fucking Ticket?
P.P.S Did you know that COPULATE really means ‘join’ or ‘together’? In that case, would you like to copulate with us this coming Saturday? It may help you to relax and remove whatever it is you have up your ass.
P.P.P.S. I assume that your using the word ‘campus’ means that you are engaged in acquiring your education. It may be presumptuous of me to point this out to you, but there are so many more tenses and uses of Fuck beyond merely Fucking. If I may: FUCKER, FUCKED, FUCKS, FUCK YOU, FUCK ME, GO FUCK YOURSELF, MOTHERFUCKER, FUCK IT, FUCK OFF, WHAT THE FUCK, FUCKIN’ A, FUCK ALL Y’ALL, JESUS FUCKIN’ CHRIST, ABSOFUCKINGLUTELY, YO’ MAMA.
May 16, 2010 at 6:19 pm rating: 5
#33
VZG
I am curious as to where there ARE signs that advertise free parking. I mean, I know Boston is bad, but if I recall correctly it was a lack of sign that indicated free parking, which seems to be the case at their place. If the parking is not, in fact, free, perhaps a sign should be erected.
…hee, erected.
In any case, she might have had more success if she posted one note in the parking lot addressed to visitors instead of the residents. Sure, they could ask ahead for their visitors to park elsewhere, but they aren’t ultimately in control of what they do, and even if the neighbors are unsympathetic, visitors may feel more obliged to be polite.
Or they might just say “fuck it” like they probably would have anyway.
May 17, 2010 at 3:12 am rating: 0
#34
Steve
So, KC in Washington, D.C. has a blog, which her mother reads and finds “somewhat amusing, to an extent.” Not everything KC writes meets with Mom’s approval, however.
“She never lectures me,” KC says. “Instead, she post-it notes her grievances and puts them in places I have no other choice but to look at” — a Kix [...]
May 27, 2010 at 9:24 pm rating: 0
#35
kurtschwitters
there has been a rash of this in my condo building (where parking spaces cost $40K each. someone left nice notes in the lobby asking people to stop using her space. first time the BMW SUV parked in my space i had the idiot towed. she and her sadsack boyfriend arrived during the tow but said nothing, just left in his monster truck that he uses for his brutal 2 mile commute on city streets. she continues to do this to other people, i hope they all have her towed, the tow company is ruthless, careless and expensive. having her towed was much more satisfying than leaving notes.
Jun 10, 2010 at 3:20 pm rating: 0
#36 This note is like one of those asinine beer commercials come to life | PassiveAggressiveNotes.com
[...] Why don’t you go park your car in Harvard Yard? [...]
Jun 30, 2010 at 9:19 pm rating: 0
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