Did you wash your hands? Well, did ya, punk?

May 13th, 2010 · 139 comments

Every day, you watch them, in horror: Those vile, germ-laden, nether-region-wiping creatures who don’t wash their hands after using the toilet. Confronting the offenders directly wouldn’t work, because, well, you’re passive-aggressive, and that’s just not how you roll. So what to do next?

Well, you could dazzle them with some accusatory statistics…

97% of females say they wash their hands...Only 75% really do...Did you wash your hands?

…or attempt to appeal to the altruists in the audience.

Interested in a community service opportunity??? Wash your hands! Do it for the rest of us! :)

And maybe try to lure in the sports fans with the promise of some fun trivia!

Question: What is the overall record of wins and losses for Georgia versus Florida in football? To find out the answer, please wash your hands!

If they see through that little scheme, you could try patronizing your patrons outright…

Employees MUST wash hands before returning to work.Patrons SHOULD wash hands before returning to their tables.

…or just straight-up treat them like four-year-olds. (“Did you wash your hands?” “Yes.” “DID YOU WASH YOUR HANDS?” “I said yes!!!”)

Did you wash your hands? DID YOU WASH YOUR HANDS?

Perhaps even a dash of reverse psychology?

Jimmy the Germ says: 1) TOUCH your nose, eyes and mouth OFTEN! 2) DON'T wash your hands with soap! 3) NEVER wash your hands for more than 30 seconds! 4) NEVER use Sanitizing Hand Gel! LET'S ALL HELP JIMMY SURVIVE!

Of course, those less-straightforward techniques just might just backfire on you.  In that case, you could play the bully with THE CLIP ART THAT MUST BE STOPPED.

WASH THOSE HANDS!

Or, if your clip-art collection is a bit larger…release the dragon!

Excuse me but could you please wash your hands so I don't have to sanitize the germs with my fire.

Not scary enough? Maybe it’s time to bust out the F word.

Flu season is back!!!! Please wash your hands before leaving the bathroom. (Washing hands is optional off season.)

WASH YOUR HANDS! You could same someone's life, OR you could cause someone's death. Yes, that means you.

Or the even scarier F-word: FECAL-ORAL.

Why wash your hands? It's the #1 activity that can reduce disease transmission! It reduces the spread of colds, flu, and bacterial conjunctivitis (

And if that still doesn’t work? Well, I guess you’ll just have to flounce away, invest in some latex gloves, and vow to hold it ’til you get home.

Several people are complaining that People on this floor are using the restroom and they are NOT washing their hands. Dirty hands spread disease. Please wash your hands. If you don't believe in washing your hands, please refrain from touching the copier, the coffee pot, the ice machine, door handles, the elevator button....etc. Please respect others around you and wash your hands! Thank you

(Thanks to Jen in Houston, Jenni in Spokane, Marley in Pittsburgh, Lindsey in Memphis, Laura in Richmond, and the many anonymous submitters for their contributions.)

related: Five approaches to toilet paper maintenance

extra credit:  “On Washing Hands,” by Atul Gawande

extra extra credit: “Maybe You Touched Your Genitals” Liquid Hand Soap


FILED UNDER: "helpful" advice · a little patronizing · bullet points · clip art catastrophe · hygiene · office · rebuttals · restaurant · reverse psychology · rhetorical question · washing your hands


139 responses so far ↓

  • #1   boop de woop

    its even in papyrus.

    May 13, 2010 at 7:22 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #1.1   Canthz_B bang

      It’s a decree by Yul Brynner…“So it shall be written, so it shall be done.”

      How I got “The King and I” into “The Ten Commandments” is another story altogether…see Stephen Hawking on time travel! :-)

      May 14, 2010 at 8:13 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.2   HandyMarigolds

      Yeah, noticed that! I figure the inevitable non-handwash rebuttal will be something classy, like Kristin ITC.

      May 14, 2010 at 9:03 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.3   MAMARILLA2 bang

      Excetera, Excetera.

      May 14, 2010 at 10:22 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #2   beth

    I do wash my hands after I “use the facilities” mostly because everything in women’s bathrooms look shady, (like drippies on the toilet seat, nasty shiz on the floor, ugh) but now, after reading all this shame and blame, I DON’T WANT TO!!! I might just poo on the floor and call it a day!

    May 13, 2010 at 7:31 pm   rating: 17  small thumbs up

    • #2.1   Fridge Pirate

      The drippies on the toilet seat were fucking delicious!

      May 13, 2010 at 9:42 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.2   maas bang

      Pro Tip:
      People only tell you to wash your hands if you eliminate waste in a bathroom.
      Try watering the office plants next time you have to go, and in so doing kill two birds with one stone.

      May 13, 2010 at 10:14 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.3   Canthz_B bang

      I know ureterolithiasis can feel like a killer condition, but since when does passing a calculus result in multiple avicide?

      May 14, 2010 at 10:56 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #3   Astounder

    I would like to see a round-up of signs asking people to not talk on their phones while in the bathroom.

    May 13, 2010 at 7:44 pm   rating: 20  small thumbs up

    • #3.1   Wolverine Girl

      I don’t get how people can do that. I wouldn’t want anyone I’m on the phone with to be subjected to the dulcet tones of toilet bombardment. Especially if I’m the one doing the bombarding. Gross!

      May 13, 2010 at 11:33 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.2   HandyMarigolds

      I’m probably just a bad person, but I go out of my way to flush the nearest toilet when other people are talking on the phone in a public restroom.

      May 14, 2010 at 9:05 am   rating: 32  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.3   Wolverine Girl

      Good for you, HandyMarigolds. I do the same thing.

      May 14, 2010 at 8:03 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.4   gladystopia

      If that makes you a bad person, then I can’t even stay in the same room with myself now.

      Because when I hear someone talking on the phone while in the ladies’ room? It makes me want to rip the loudest, the most vile, disgusting, octave-spanning, questionably-laden-sounding fart imaginable.

      Unfortunately, that fart is buried in a memory of a traumatic former-roommate experience, and since it was the roomie’s and not mine, I have only that memory to fling in the direction of the crap-chatterer. Kinda makes me wanna take up flatulence as a hobby.

      May 15, 2010 at 7:06 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #4   Escape Goat

    I wash my balls in the sink … with my hands … does that count?

    May 13, 2010 at 8:09 pm   rating: 29  small thumbs up

    • #4.1   Bunnee

      Close enough, but be sure to check those fingernails for the fromunda….

      May 13, 2010 at 8:42 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #5   veritybrown

    I’m afraid I’m on team hand-washing. I don’t understand how people can use the restroom and then NOT wash their hands, just for their own sake.

    May 13, 2010 at 8:12 pm   rating: 16  small thumbs up

    • #5.1   jakeneff

      Because when I use the urinal, I don’t touch anything, and I don’t piss on myself….usually.

      May 13, 2010 at 8:31 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #5.2   jen

      I’m with you – a coworker of mine (don’t remember how this came up) had a reply to “didn’t your mother teach you to wash your hands after you use the bathroom?” … No – she taught me not to piss on them.

      Aside from the fact that I’m not messy when I go, I think possibly the most disgusting area in the bathroom is the sinks – especially if they’re not the auto-on/off type. I think we all need some immune system strengthening these days. Reminds me of Carlin and his story about how no one in his neighborhood got polio… they swam in the Hudson river!

      May 14, 2010 at 12:13 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #5.3   Scribbles the Monkey bang

      You may not be pissing on your hands, but you are still touching your junk, zipping up, and then taking the elevator to the foyer where you are greeting customers with handshakes. Or, Junkshakes, in your case.

      May 14, 2010 at 6:35 am   rating: 25  small thumbs up

       
    • #5.4   HandyMarigolds

      Amen, Scribbles. jakeneff, are you cool with other guys making your food if they don’t wash?

      May 14, 2010 at 9:07 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #5.5   jakeneff

      You never know what might be on your hands, regardless of whether you’ve used the bathroom or not, so yes, I want people to wash their hands before handling food. It’s not like I’m against handwashing. I just don’t believe in arbitrarily doing it just because I happened to step foot in a particular room.

      May 15, 2010 at 12:09 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #5.6   VZG

      Urine splatters when you pee. Unless you’re doing it hands-free from several feet away, you’re getting piss on yourself. It ain’t arbitrary anymore.

      And to the point — you never know what might be on your hands, so what’s the problem with essentially getting all that off you periodically throughout the day?

      May 17, 2010 at 2:42 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #6   Chicken Underwear

    OK, I wake up, take a shower and put my pants on.

    Then I take the subway to work.

    When I get to work I wash my hand before I pee. My penis has been in my nice clean underwear all morning, my hands have been in all sorts of places.

    I don’t wash my hands again unless I pee on them. That does not happen too much.

    May 13, 2010 at 8:30 pm   rating: 14  small thumbs up

    • #6.1   MAMARILLA2 bang

      Oh, then you keep it in a separate pouch in that nice clean underwear that is touching the rest of your body that has its own set of germ parameters.

      May 13, 2010 at 8:47 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.2   ISpy

      This approach only works for hygienic guys, and only if it’s #1 and an auto-flush. Otherwise, wash your damn hands. Every time.

      May 13, 2010 at 8:49 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.3   Chicken Underwear

      yea. If I poop or pee on my hands I will wash. But the simple act of touching “myself” does not require soap and water. Unless, you are germaphobic.

      May 13, 2010 at 9:14 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.4   shwonline bang

      OK, Chicken, so here’s what we’re gonna do: I’m gonna hold my penis for a while, then I’m gonna use the doorknob, then you’re gonna use the doorknob. That OK?

      May 13, 2010 at 9:21 pm   rating: 22  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.5   Chicken Underwear

      It happens all the time. No biggie

      May 13, 2010 at 10:06 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.6   Odious

      Funny how some people think that you wash your hands in the bathroom because you crap and piss on them. Do they think this because they are that sloppy and assume everybody else is just as bad at the job? Or do they think that they are the only ones in the world who can use the toilet without getting it on themselves but that nobody else has these skills? I’ve never figured this one out. I haven’t gotten anything on myself since I was about 5 years old. We wash our hands in the bathroom because that’s where the sink is. It’s a convenient time – not because (God I hope) everybody’s freaking getting their feces on themselves.
      Better that you’ve touched your penis than your nose. The penis is one of the cleanest areas, germ-wise. Urine is sterile. The doorknob is the worst – which you touch AFTER YOU’VE WASHED YOUR HANDS.

      Adults that equate bathrooms with people that can’t help but shit on their hands? Idiots. Maybe if the sink was away from the toilet (like in parts of Europe), people would be better educated.
      [/rant]

      May 13, 2010 at 10:38 pm   rating: 16  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.7   Canthz_B bang

      Can’t help wondering if shwonline has a hole in his penis or if he just oozes piss out of its pores.
      Also, how often he washes the sumbitch.

      May 13, 2010 at 11:13 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.8   HandyMarigolds

      OK, Chicken. Here’s why it matters even if you don’t pee on your hands:

      http://www.straightdope.com/columns/read/1043/why-are-men-supposed-to-wash-their-hands-after-urination

      May 14, 2010 at 9:22 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.9   shwonline bang

      CB: It’s sexuality I ooze from my pores. But you really don’t want to get any of that on you, either.

      May 14, 2010 at 10:14 am   rating: 12  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.10   Cady

      Word, Odious. The bathroom is also a place where a TON of people congregate, getting their nasty cold and flu germs all over door knobs, toilet handles, etc, so it makes sense to wash your hands after visiting the restroom, just because SO MANY people are there every day.

      And probably some of them do poop themselves.

      May 14, 2010 at 12:27 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.11   Penny

      Which just makes washing your hands even more pointless, because after you’re done you need to turn off the tap, push the air dryer button, open the door…and then you get to touch things like shopping carts and escalator rails, which are just as ‘infected’ as you assume unwashed hands to be, if not more.

      Washing your hands kills germs, it does. But the germs that you didn’t kill are still there. That 1% germ that wasn’t killed is going to grow up to be big and strong and make millions of babies who are as resistant as he is. All this hand-washing paranoia only serves to breed stronger germs, not lessen their existence.

      May 24, 2010 at 10:09 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #7   Nack

    My son had pinworms from the lack of this, five times in a row. That’s right, five times.

    Wash your hands. Or Godzilla will destroy your city.

    Or worse, your kid will have worms, just like a cat.

    May 13, 2010 at 8:39 pm   rating: 15  small thumbs up

    • #7.1   Bunnee

      That’s pretty gross, but I think most adults would wash their hands if they got shit on them. I think. :shock:

      May 13, 2010 at 8:46 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.2   wonkette

      Problem is that if someone else gets bacteria, a virus or parasites on their hands while doing their business (or blowing their nose, or coughing), then they touch the lock/doorknob of the restroom, getting that nasty crap on the lock/knob, you really have no way of knowing.

      May 14, 2010 at 12:38 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.3   Scribbles the Monkey bang

      Jesus, what the hell are pinworms? I don’t want to google THAT.

      May 14, 2010 at 6:39 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.4   Canthz_B bang

      Pinworms are computer programs which infect your online banking program and search for your four-digit access number.

      May 14, 2010 at 11:17 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.5   VZG

      Most people haven’t got a clue they’ve got this stuff on them. It’s not like diseases spread through feces are around because someone shit on their hands and said, “Oh, no, I’ll just let that one go.” It’s because someone didn’t realize how disgusting their hands were and found a simple, fifteen-seconds-on-average task too hard to take up.

      May 17, 2010 at 2:46 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #8   Bunnee

    I think Jimmy the Germ is kinda’ cute!

    Too bad he has to DIE!

    May 13, 2010 at 8:43 pm   rating: 18  small thumbs up

    • #8.1   maas bang

      Jimmy comes from a rich culture steeped in tradition. Save Jimmy!

      May 13, 2010 at 10:19 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.2   Escape Goat

      His half-brother Sammy the Sperm is very popular with the ladies, too.

      May 14, 2010 at 7:51 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #9   farcical aquatic ceremony

    yuck yuck yuck yuck yuckyuckyuckyuckYUCK

    America’s Got Poopyhands!

    May 13, 2010 at 9:00 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

    • #9.1   Wolverine Girl

      Unfortunately for me, so does Australia. It’s probably like that everywhere.

      BTW, love your name, and now I’m thinking of changing mine to Watery Tart. I was thinking Moistened Bint, but that would be open to way too much misinterpretation.

      May 13, 2010 at 11:30 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #9.2   Escape Goat

      aside: I agree, farcical aquatic ceremony, as a name simply makes me happy. I may change my name to the Knight who says, NEE!

      May 14, 2010 at 8:14 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #9.3   HandyMarigolds

      “America’s Got Poopyhands!”

      Man, I LOVE that show.

      May 14, 2010 at 9:12 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #9.4   farcical aquatic ceremony

      @9.1, 9.2 – awww! y’all are so sweet :)

      May 14, 2010 at 12:36 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #10   harmonicpies

    Which are the 0.001% of germs that Clorox hand sanitizer doesn’t kill? The H1N1 virus?

    May 13, 2010 at 9:18 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #10.1   Cady

      Probably flesh-eating MRSA.

      May 14, 2010 at 12:29 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #11   Andy Lester

    http://www.flickr.com/photos/petdance/265413429/

    May 13, 2010 at 9:21 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #12   shwonline bang

    Worst thing I’ve seen in our company bathroom recently: Guy walks out of a stall, goes straight to the sink, fills his cupped hands with water and splashes it on his face. Note that I didn’t say he washed his hands and then splashed water on his face. No. He basically rubbed the diluted remnants of whatever he did in the stall onto his face. But I guess that’s OK unless I’m a germaphobe, right?

    May 13, 2010 at 9:26 pm   rating: 15  small thumbs up

    • #12.1   Wolverine Girl

      Don’t worry, he’ll be the one with the fecal-oral disease (WTF)

      May 13, 2010 at 11:37 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.2   mamason bang

      Oh! Potty mouth. :mrgreen:

      May 14, 2010 at 1:16 am   rating: 14  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.3   Chicken Underwear

      So don’t kiss him!

      May 14, 2010 at 5:56 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.4   Mace Elaine

      Never go ass to mouth!

      May 14, 2010 at 3:29 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.5   infanttyrone

      He doesn’t get too many people asking if he’s gonna finish that burrito

      May 15, 2010 at 10:38 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.6   VZG

      I’ve seen people come out and immediately start touching their face and hair. Ugh.

      May 17, 2010 at 2:49 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #13   Melissa B

    whenever someone doesnt wash thier hands after being in a stall i have to calm myself down by talking to myself and saying “maybe they didnt use the actual toilet… maybe they just changed… yeah thats it… they changed…” I have to do that just to keep my sanity… or yeah… maybe doing that defeats the purpose.

    May 13, 2010 at 9:49 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #13.1   G bang

      How can anyone go into a public bathroom (stall, no less) and not wash their hands? They’re touching, if nothing else, the handles other people have touched after using the toilet and before washing their hands.

      Ugh ugh ugh ugh.

      May 13, 2010 at 10:01 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #13.2   Canthz_B bang

      That’s why after I leave a public restroom I immediately return to wash my hands because some of the people who left before me contaminated the door handle.

      Sure, I tried to open the door with a paper towel over the handle, but to my chagrin I was left holding a paper towel full of germs, so I had to go back and wash my hands again.

      I spent six hours in the John once, met some interesting people.

      Adrian Monk

      May 13, 2010 at 11:06 pm   rating: 22  small thumbs up

       
    • #13.3   TheOldSchool

      CB,

      I used to open doors with my feet, but then I realized I was spreading germs around on public walkways.

      I solved that problem simply by always carrying a small boy’s prosthetic leg.

      Once the door is “kicked” open — I slip the leg discreetly back down the front of my trousers, so as not to draw attention to myself.

      May 14, 2010 at 12:12 am   rating: 28  small thumbs up

       
    • #13.4   Canthz_B bang

      So that’s how I got Athlete’s Hand!!

      I bet slipping that youth-sized prosthetic leg down your pants didn’t work too well…a really big boner of a move, TOS.

      May 14, 2010 at 1:22 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #13.5   mamason bang

      Our local Walmart has recently installed a mechanism at the base of the ladies room door that allows one to easily open the door with your foot on the way out. I guess they got tired of all the paper towels winding up on the floor because after using 5 or 6 as a hand guard to open said door, they usually wound up next to the trash can that was just out of tossing range.

      May 14, 2010 at 1:24 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #13.6   Canthz_B bang

      I take a screwdriver in there with me.
      Not to take the doorknob off, I just like a nice drink while I drop a load! ;-)

      May 14, 2010 at 2:26 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

       
    • #13.7   infanttyrone

      TOS,
      OMFC(od)!

      May 15, 2010 at 10:41 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #13.8   Canthz_B bang

      Ty, nice piece of your mind! :lol:

      May 15, 2010 at 12:15 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #14   ho

    Hand sanitizers, in addition to destroying sympathetic bacteria, reduce a population’s tolerance to pathogens. This has been restated time and again.

    May 13, 2010 at 9:53 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #14.1   G bang

      Stating (and restating) something doesn’t offer anything in the way of proof.

      May 13, 2010 at 9:59 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.2   mamason bang

      “This has been restated time and again.” And still you couldn’t stop yourself. Typical ho.

      May 14, 2010 at 1:25 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.3   VZG

      Only because not exposing yourself to pathogens reduces your tolerance to them. In that case, we should just douse ourselves in shit and cry immunity.

      May 17, 2010 at 2:51 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.4   Canthz_B bang

      Actually, the people of many tribal cultures cover themselves with mud. The benefits are two-fold:

      1) it repels disease carrying biting insects.
      2) it exposes the wearer to a lot of little nasties which teaches the immune system to recognize them.

      May 17, 2010 at 3:19 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #15   G bang

    There are people who argue against hand-washing, and say “just don’t stick your hands anywhere nasty.”

    This is horrifying and makes me want to label them all so I know to stay far away. I think they need some kind of DIDN’T WASH HANDS tattoo on their foreheads.

    May 13, 2010 at 9:58 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

    • #15.1   Splint Chesthair

      All you have to do is keep your hands out of your ears nose eyes mouth and other assorted moist holes. I never wash my hands in public bathrooms, I find it disgusting. But I always hand sanitize and then wipe with moist towellets before eating or if I have to change a contact or something.

      May 14, 2010 at 12:59 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #15.2   VZG

      The public restroom is probably cleaner than your keyboard (whether you wash your hands or not). And doesn’t it make more sense to take preventative measures than to ask everyone to not touch any part of their own body that might ever contract any disease?

      May 17, 2010 at 2:53 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #15.3   Canthz_B bang

      Question: Where do you think your keyboard gets its contaminants?…from your clean hands?
      That’s a neat trick.

      Keyboards are dirty motherfuckers because dirty motherfuckers use keyboards.

      May 17, 2010 at 3:12 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #16   Jennifer

    That’s not a dragon. That’s Godzilla. Just had to point out that since I’ve been a G fan since I was 8 years old.

    And he will totally stomp your city if you do not wash your hands. >:D

    May 13, 2010 at 10:17 pm   rating: 12  small thumbs up

    • #16.1   Scribbles the Monkey bang

      That note made me smile, heh!

      May 14, 2010 at 6:49 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #16.2   Escape Goat

      Yeah, but Godzilla always needed a Tic Tac.

      May 14, 2010 at 8:28 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #17   Canthz_B bang

    I have a fecal-oral disease…I’m always talking shit.

    May 13, 2010 at 10:36 pm   rating: 27  small thumbs up

    • #17.1   Escape Goat

      I have primate-fecal-pitching syndrome … I toss shit out there to see what sticks.

      May 14, 2010 at 8:21 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

       
    • #17.2   mamason bang

      I’m a card carrying member of the FGC, Fecal Gun Club for those of you not in the know. Yep. We like to shoot the shit.

      May 14, 2010 at 9:49 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #17.3   mamason bang

      I also belong to the FOHTDA, Fecal-Oral Hippie Tie Dyers of America, where our motto is, “Eat shit and dye.”

      May 14, 2010 at 9:58 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #17.4   park rose

      Mama, I could sit here and shit the breeze with you all day long!

      May 15, 2010 at 1:57 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #17.5   infanttyrone

      Any of y’all know where I can cop some Shinola ?

      May 15, 2010 at 10:45 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #17.6   Canthz_B bang

      Ty, I know a guy…but it’s hard to tell his Shinola from…well, you know.

      May 15, 2010 at 12:12 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #18   Hill

    These make me think of Leland Palmer saying, “WASH YOUR HANDS, Laura!”

    May 13, 2010 at 11:15 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #18.1   Melissa B

      i always wash my hands before coffee.

      May 13, 2010 at 11:28 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #19   Canthz_B bang

    Hand washing is a must.
    Equally important is washing the mist off of the restroom attendant after you flush.
    It takes a little longer, but it’s cheaper than leaving a tip.

    May 13, 2010 at 11:37 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #19.1   infanttyrone

      CB,
      I’m mist-ified…help me get a handle on this…
      What kinda restroom is it where the attendant makes YOU flush ?

      May 15, 2010 at 11:08 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #19.2   Canthz_B bang

      I never said they were extremely attentive! ;-)

      May 15, 2010 at 12:00 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #20   Canthz_B bang

    In Soviet Russia hands wash you!…wait…never mind. :???:

    May 13, 2010 at 11:42 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

     
  • #21   DBo

    OK, even if you don’t get anything on yourself when you are going to the bathroom, do you think every other person on the planet is as clean as you are? No one picked his nose before opening the door, etc.? You have to wash and yes, leave the room with a papertowel to touch the knob (you can throw it out at the next can you go by).

    BTW, there is a study that showed huge amounts of fecal residue on bottles of ketchup, salt and pepper in restaurants – wonder how THAT got there?
    (You can’t SEE germs!)

    May 13, 2010 at 11:48 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #21.1   Canthz_B bang

      Germs can’t SEE you either.

      Just saying that, after all is said and do– DUCK!!!

      That mother-fucking germ almost got you…it was hiding on your spouse’s lip…don’t kiss her until she’s been properly sterilized.

      I know I thoroughly steam-clean my mate’s privates before I go down.
      Please pass the ketchup…I know, it’s an acquired taste. ;-)

      May 13, 2010 at 11:54 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
    • #21.2   Scribbles the Monkey bang

      Dang, CB, so you’re saying that you go down on your mates? Like, your buddies?

      May 14, 2010 at 6:51 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #21.3   Canthz_B bang

      Depends upon which country’s English I’m speaking, Scribbs. LOL

      May 14, 2010 at 7:55 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #22   OhLaDiDa

    I like Jimmy the Germ. What a cute guy!

    May 14, 2010 at 2:13 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

     
  • #23   Chicken Underwear

    And who the HELL is taking all these photos in the bathroom. If I walk into the bathroom and see someone with their camera out, there is gonna be a real problem.

    May 14, 2010 at 5:58 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #23.1   shwonline bang

      Why, what are you doing in there, Chicken?

      May 14, 2010 at 10:25 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #23.2   seacurs

      He’s sure as shit not washing his hands.

      May 14, 2010 at 2:19 pm   rating: 15  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #24   Innana

    In our bathroom, we have a set of illustrated instructions on how to wash our hands.
    Patronizing as hell.

    May 14, 2010 at 7:10 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #24.1   clumber

      Our building does as well… but since WAY TOO MANY women don’t wash their hands before leaving, I have no issue with the patronizing. For fuck’s sake you disgusting trolls, wash your hands!

      This is why I refuse to attend work potlucks.

      May 17, 2010 at 8:06 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #25   Splint Chesthair

    I don’t wash my hands in public or work restrooms, period. I’m regular like a train schedule so I only need them for #1 and I can do everything with feet or elbows. I don’t touch anything in them. I also make a conscious effort not to stick my fingers near my face and make sure I hand sanitize before I eat. Problem solved. It’s not necessary to wash your hands after using the bathroom.

    May 14, 2010 at 7:10 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #26   Woman on the Verge bang

    Okay, people. Listen up. I don’t care who you are or how “clean” you think you are. It’s people like you who make people like me want to walk around in a biohazard suit. Wash your damn hands. Please. I’m pretty sure they’re dirty.

    May 14, 2010 at 7:51 am   rating: 11  small thumbs up

    • #26.1   Escape Goat

      WV

      I had a buddy who used to say, “If someone asks why I didn’t wash my hands, I tell ‘em, ‘I didn’t piss on my hands.’”

      I don’t think I ever shook his hand again.

      May 14, 2010 at 8:18 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

       
    • #26.2   Woman on the Verge bang

      Thank you, EG. Really. Thank you.

      Who knows what people are really doing in those stalls…

      May 14, 2010 at 8:28 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #26.3   Splint Chesthair

      I’m sorry but I don’t believe it’s possible to wash your hands in a public rest room and get them clean. I believe that your hands are cleaner if you don’t touch anything then if you do. I sanitize at my desk. I mean the paper towels have been constantly marinating in fecal mist and you WIPE YOUR HANDS WITH THEM? Crazy! Anytime I have to wash my hands in the bathroom, like I get something on them or whatever, I ALWAYS feel dirtier. I can’t see how people fell cleaner doing that. Might as well wash in the toilet.

      May 14, 2010 at 12:50 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #26.4   Escape Goat

      “Fecal mist”? I’ve heard of explosive beer-shits … but shit mist? Damn. I guess that’s what Drakkar Noir is all about.

      May 14, 2010 at 3:48 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #26.5   VZG

      …Fecal mist? Man, your beliefs are crazier than the Egyptian Gods, and them’s some crazy bitches.

      May 17, 2010 at 2:56 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #26.6   Canthz_B bang

      Fecal mist is real!!

      It’s a very popular cologne in France!

      May 17, 2010 at 3:06 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #27   Beppo

    It makes me think of that scene from “Fire Walk With Me” where Ray Wise is all, “Oh, I’ll sit down alright, but not a one of us is going to start eating until Laura washes her hands. Wash your hands!

    May 14, 2010 at 8:09 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #27.1   Canthz_B bang

      This makes me think of comment #18, where Hill is all “WASH YOUR HANDS, Laura!”.

      May 14, 2010 at 8:31 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #28   Jimmy the Germ

    Please…I have a spouse and 453,442 children. I can’t help being born a germ. This is genocide! When you wash your hands, you’re washing with HITLER!

    May 14, 2010 at 8:28 am   rating: 22  small thumbs up

     
  • #29   Edwina the Defrocked Nun

    Okay this occurred at work. Sign on restroom doors: It’s flu season so wash your hands after you use the toilet. Huh? It’s things like hepatitis that are spread by not washing after toileting. Flu comes from coughing and wiping your nose and such. Flu is not directly related to bathrooms.

    Led to a lively lunchroom discussion one day…

    May 14, 2010 at 8:46 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #29.1   HandyMarigolds

      Yeah, I know. Same sign is up at my church. To be fair, some people like to consolidate bathroom trips with nose-blowing sessions, so maybe there’s some correlation.

      If nothing else, regular post-toilet handwashing ensures more frequent handwashing overall, which can’t be a bad thing.

      May 14, 2010 at 9:17 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #29.2   Splint Chesthair

      Impossible, you always come out of the bathroom dirtier than when you went in. ALWAYS! How could you not, it’s a room where everyone poops all day long!

      May 14, 2010 at 12:53 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #29.3   oi bang

      you should hold your poop in and should invest in building restrooms. never use that is used even once. That should do it. oh and burn your hands after each time you touch the door nob. incineration is the only way to destroy jimmy the germ and his kinds completely.

      May 14, 2010 at 1:14 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #30   The Elf

    When I hear “fecal-oral” I don’t think “hepititis and pinworms”. I think “that’s an odd fetish”.

    May 14, 2010 at 8:50 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

    • #30.1   mamason bang

      When I hear “fecal-oral” I don’t think “hepititis and pinworms”, I think , “Damn! Your breath smells like shit! “

      May 14, 2010 at 9:53 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #31   Cady

    I read the 8th sign as “Excuse me, but could you Godzilla?”

    May 14, 2010 at 12:23 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

     
  • #32   Max Time bang

    godzilla should wash his hands…

    May 14, 2010 at 12:46 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #33   oi bang

    Did you or did you NOT wash your hands?

    May 14, 2010 at 1:23 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #34   Mace Elaine

    This makes me so, so glad I work in a lab. We’re trained to wash our hands every time we take off a pair of gloves, so maybe our hands are cleaner than most?

    Or maybe I should just take gloves with me to the bathroom.

    May 14, 2010 at 3:31 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

     
  • #35   Walker, "Tex" (a stranger)

    Hmm, my hands are out there touching door knobs, faucets and all kinds of things, while my penis is safely tucked into my pants all day, clean as a whistle.

    The hands are a lost cause, but my new policy is going to be to wash off my penis after using the public toilet.

    May 14, 2010 at 6:22 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #36   Muse

    The penis is not clean after it’s been jostling around in your underpants for several hours or more. The perinium region (roughly, the area between your legs and buttocks) is naturally contaminated by bacteria, including e. coli. It’s true that a man’s urine is sterile if he isn’t ill, but only if the urine is collected in a sterile container without touching the penis or the skin around it. Sorry, but yo mama wuz right — you should wash your hands after every use of the bathroom, both #1 and #2. On the other hand, I’ve used restrooms that looked so vile, I figured I was staying cleaner by not touching the facilities. So it just depends. But in a reasonably clean restroom, washing the hands is best. And if you have to turn off the faucet manually, you can use a paper towel, and use the same towel to open the door. Toss the used paper towel in the first trash receptacle you see. Then you’ll be part of Team Wash ‘Em! Yay!

    May 14, 2010 at 7:34 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #36.1   rituer

      but the paper towels have been soaking in all that poop smell in the bathroom!

      May 14, 2010 at 9:34 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #37   Ashley

    -shifty eyes-
    I live in Spokane and have never once seen any of these signs!
    ..But then again, I don’t get out of the house all to often..

    May 14, 2010 at 9:51 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #38   catburglar

    Oh, why wash your hands when you can use up a quarter-acre of rainforest or at least old growth instead? Why, how many times have I been in a stall only to hear the piss-phobic person in the stall next door creating a toilet paper mitt with at least three inches of “protection” all around before she ventures to touch her nether regions? After the five minutes of effort it requires to make a piss-proof, completely liquid-impervious shield of paper product between one’s self and the possible contamination pending from one’s unmentionables, how can a wash possibly be necessary? You don’t want to spend time on redundancies, after all!

    May 14, 2010 at 9:55 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #38.1   froggyalley

      maybe they’re afraid of getting shite on their knuckles?

      May 15, 2010 at 8:18 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #39   Canthz_B bang

    As community service options go, I’d take hand-washing over poking roadside trash with a sharp stick any day.

    May 15, 2010 at 12:58 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #40   froggyalley

    but you put your hiney on the fitlhy seat which everyone else has shed skin cells and body dirt and dribbled bodily fluids…pull your pants up and sit in it all day…plus if you don’t shower and change when nyou get home, you drag it all over your environs. Doorhandles are the least of the problem.

    May 15, 2010 at 8:16 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #41   Canthz_B bang

    New idea:

    Restrooms with separate entrance and exit doors.
    Between the outside doors and inside doors would be a clean-room shower.
    Simply strip down to your birthday suit and shower before entering, do your “business”, wash your hands under the supervision of the restroom Nazis (sorry Godwin), and shower (picking up your freshly laundered clothes) on the way out into a germ-free world.

    What could be safer?

    Ahhh-CHOOO!!!…sorry about that… :oops:

    May 15, 2010 at 12:30 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

     
  • #42   player4u

    Always wash your hands after masturbating!!!

    May 15, 2010 at 7:49 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #42.1   Canthz_B bang

      Oh, that’s old knowledge…where did you think Colonel Sanders got his slogan?

      May 17, 2010 at 2:58 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #43   Chicken Underwear

    Most of these comments have been passive-aggressive.

    GREAT!

    May 17, 2010 at 5:27 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #44   Max Time bang

    the germ guy reminds me of the planters peanut guy

    May 17, 2010 at 8:35 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #45   Jen

    What if you washed your hands before the act? Do you have to wash your hands if you did not wipe or touch anything?

    May 20, 2010 at 9:54 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #45.1   Walker, "Tex" (a stranger)

      Sweetheart, if you didn’t wipe, we have a whole new conversation to start.

      May 24, 2010 at 11:09 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #46   The office sink pissing contest | PassiveAggressiveNotes.com

    [...] At this point, she says, “It’s getting a little awkward. I’m not in any of these departments — I just want to wash my hands.” [...]

    Jan 23, 2011 at 10:36 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     

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