Anybody else in the mood for a no-holds-barred, batshit-crazy tirade? ’Cause I sure am! Pretty much the only thing remotely “passive” about this message — which Jared in Seattle found taped to the front entrance of his share house — is the fact that it was delivered by note, rather than say, by fist.
The note writer takes a little while here to build up steam, but manages to get in at least one solidly below-the-belt jab before spiraling into a CAPS LOCK-induced rage blackout.
related: Worst secret admirer ever?
77 responses so far ↓
#1
Mama24
Wow, maybe she wouldn’t give him another hand job and he got upset.
May 19, 2010 at 9:51 pm rating: 22
#2
Tikikala
And Comic Sans is better, Arial person
May 19, 2010 at 9:51 pm rating: 2
#3
Kirl
There’s a lot to be said for finished hand jobs, though.
May 19, 2010 at 9:58 pm rating: 41
#4
mamason
Roseann: WTF is this about handjobs?
Note writer: Seriously honey. It’s just a figure of speech. Nothing happened.
Moral: Friends don’t let friends rage and write.
May 19, 2010 at 10:05 pm rating: 18
#5
crumplet
How many handjobs they’ll need to settle this?
May 19, 2010 at 10:06 pm rating: 12
#6
LittleSprout
kinda makes you wonder who RECEIVED said hand jobs, doesn’t it?
May 19, 2010 at 10:16 pm rating: 4
#7
Denny DelVecchio
Easy there…the humble paragraph is your friend.
Actually, probably not.
May 19, 2010 at 10:23 pm rating: 8
#8
Zoe
Yes, how does he know about her finishing the hand jobs?
I do love how he starts with ‘Wow you’re awesome Stacy’ to end with ‘Fuck off!!’ Nicely progressed there in the note. Clip art and comic sans would’ve made it even better…but you can’t have everything I guess.
May 19, 2010 at 10:28 pm rating: 16
#9
dixiechick
THANK YOU TERRY!
It was that epic spiral of rage that did it.
May 19, 2010 at 10:56 pm rating: 12
#10
Anonymous 13
Love it, to be completely honest.
May 19, 2010 at 11:13 pm rating: 6
#11
Pterosaur
You’d think that if she finished the handjob, he wouldn’t be so cranky.
May 19, 2010 at 11:17 pm rating: 10
#12
Sheri
This is why you don’t hire hookers for home improvement projects, kids. It’s $20 for a TOTALLY different type of caulk.
May 19, 2010 at 11:25 pm rating: 67
#13
Nack
Dude, I want to be able to do a bad job, have people feel sorry for me, give great hand jobs and get a free car PLUS 3,000 dollars.
This sounds like an awesome opportunity!
May 19, 2010 at 11:54 pm rating: 20
#14
debkatz
Dude tried so hard to be restrained and kind of dryly sarcastic but his rage just seethed through the cage and he went for the sexual reference….wow…he had a total melt-down right there in print. But the reminder to never go to his home again…was that necessary? Would this person ever think, “Mmmm, it’s been six weeks now, old hand job guy probably has calmed down. I’ll see what’s up for dinner and if he changed his mind about my stellar mosaic!”
May 20, 2010 at 12:25 am rating: 23
#15
Chrys
When did my ex move to Seattle?
May 20, 2010 at 1:02 am rating: 5
#16
JetJackson
I like handjobs.
I can tile.
Note writer pays Stacy. Stacy gives me hand job. I tile note writers floor.
Like Hot Chocolate says… “Everyones a winner baby!”
May 20, 2010 at 1:21 am rating: 17
#17
Canthz_B
I ♥ Stacy.
Anyone who can complete a good hand job and create mosaics that give blow jobs is OK in my book.
May 20, 2010 at 1:33 am rating: 12
#18
ashmeadow
You know, I feel he really wants to be mad at Roseanne, but wants a hand-job from Stacy. The hate and desire just got mixed up in one note.
May 20, 2010 at 3:02 am rating: 8
#19
Rotreg
What I don’t understand is why are they sticking it to Jared’s door? There must be a great back story. Who would give someone they “felt sorry for” $3000 dollars and a car to tile their floor?
I don’t think Stacy is to blame completely.
May 20, 2010 at 3:42 am rating: 13
#20
Moto
This note was written in Seattle a town that historically has had its share of happy ending massage establishments where aspiring bathroom tiling artists and genius waitresses are often employed. I think note writer is taking a leap of faith that since she has “held” this job for a long time that she must be finishing her handjobs.
May 20, 2010 at 5:30 am rating: 2
#21
Splint Chesthair
I’m wondering what must have happened to lead to this letter, hopefully something awesome, but what if nothing happened. What if they note-writer just hired this person for a tile-job for 3 grand plus a car and then wasn’t happy with the results and the first response was to leave this note? That makes it even awesomer!
May 20, 2010 at 6:23 am rating: 2
#22
anglophile
Thanks for screwing us indeed. We needed that.
May 20, 2010 at 8:09 am rating: 6
#23
Woman on the Verge
How does one squander 3000 dollars from someone? Steal, yes. Con, yes. But squander? Or is that code for fuck it out of someone?
May 20, 2010 at 8:17 am rating: 10
#24
aaa
Soooo…. The note writer “knew what kind of person” Stacy was and still gave her a free car? Um, yeah, way to logic, dude.
May 20, 2010 at 8:43 am rating: 10
#25
Heather
Free car? Jesus. I had to give, like, 10,000 hand jobs for mine…
May 20, 2010 at 8:44 am rating: 28
#26
Sam S
I don’t know why – but I have visions of Michelangelo finding a similar note attached to his scaffolding during his painting of the Sistine Chapel. Maybe with more Latin.
May 20, 2010 at 9:22 am rating: 22
#27
oi
I am waiting here patiently for “this is not passive aggressive, blogger does not know better” crowd. oh this drumming on desk, that’s not impatience, not at all.
May 20, 2010 at 11:22 am rating: 1
#28
oi
I am dying to know back story here. Stacy does not seem as bad as she is portrayed in the note.
May 20, 2010 at 11:23 am rating: 3
#29
Vox
Grown-ups are still giving handjobs?
May 20, 2010 at 2:25 pm rating: 6
#30
Cam
Does anyone here know that “Stacy” is a man’s name as well?? Most likely the tile person is a dude named Stacy and the handjobs he’s known for finishing off, are his own
May 20, 2010 at 2:59 pm rating: 4
#31
Whitelist
I wish I had something interesting to say.
May 20, 2010 at 4:12 pm rating: 2
#32
Escape Goat
P.S. On second thought, how are you at blow jobs? Hook me up, Tile Wench. We’ll call it even.
May 20, 2010 at 5:08 pm rating: 2
#33
amy d
Notewriter feels pretty strongly about Stacy.
May 20, 2010 at 5:31 pm rating: 3
#34
Metah-4 Genome
Hold on…did he just say she gave him a handjob once?
And what does Roseann have to say about THAT…? whoa!
May 20, 2010 at 5:56 pm rating: 4
#35
momly
We don’t get to see the mosaic? Durn.
May 21, 2010 at 8:09 am rating: 2
#36
Cynthia
If you give a good handjob I would think guys may give u a free car without having to touch the tile…
May 21, 2010 at 11:00 pm rating: 0
#37
Xenobiologista
If the dude wants his money back small claims court would be a better bet than posting a ridiculous PAN that makes him look worse than Stacy.
May 23, 2010 at 8:37 am rating: 1
#38
gant tinklethorpe
OMG! i totally know all of these people and just realized it because theyre using all of their real names!
I just made my own internet history.
Bwahahahahahhahahahaaaaa…
Jun 17, 2010 at 9:49 pm rating: 1
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