Jessica from Halifax was perusing the comment board of a small restaurant on Salt Spring Island, B.C. when she spotted this tasty tale of shellfish-related woe.
Meanwhile, Charlie found this scary story (and the impressively deadpan response) pinned to the comment board at the River Street Whole Foods in Cambridge, Mass.
related: The EGG SALAD BAN
89 responses so far ↓
#1
Paige
I understand the second note-writer’s fear. I was bitten by one as a small child, and I haven’t been able to be around them since. Terrifying little critters.
Oh wait, “carrots,” not “ferrets.” My bad.
May 23, 2010 at 8:02 pm rating: 47
#2
Alex
I had a friend in college who was phobic of any sort of pointy rod shape. He couldn’t stand it if you pointed a fork or even your finger near his face. I’m sure carrots would have been included in that category.
May 23, 2010 at 8:12 pm rating: 8
#3
Ethrdg
You’ll find the bags of short rounded baby carrots in the case at the front of the story–right next to the copyright page and table of contents.
May 23, 2010 at 8:19 pm rating: 36
#4
Bunnee
I should be so lucky to be “intimidated” by a long, pointy carrot.
My zucchini has seen better days…
May 23, 2010 at 8:24 pm rating: 18
#5
Stinky
I’d like to see more bifurcated carrots.
May 23, 2010 at 8:39 pm rating: 6
#6
R
second note: some kind of antimatter version of Stephen Colbert.
May 23, 2010 at 8:52 pm rating: 5
#7
infanttyrone
Dear Ho
mpeless,So, you lost your great B&B deal over a couple of tasty prawns ?
I’m sure we’d all love to sing and mourn for you, but the gypsy violinist is off today, headlining an Einstein memorial with Bob Dylan…
Next time you’re in the market for a romantic dinner involving prawns, try a Chinese buffet…no sharing gene or minimum IQ required.
If you’re into the whole competing for dinner scene, you could just wait outside the restaurant’s back door and go at it with your alley-mates to see who gets the most and biggest shrimps. That’d be your front door…
May 23, 2010 at 8:52 pm rating: 4
#8
Melissa B
This Prawn shortage is serious business.
PEOPLE ARE LOOSING THIER HOMES.
we need to stick together at times like this, Brother.
May 23, 2010 at 9:32 pm rating: 21
#9
meri
“Homeless” from the first note counted the cost and found her lacking. If she wasn’t even worth two delicious prawns, it was never going to last anyway.
May 23, 2010 at 9:50 pm rating: 11
#10
Nack
I’m betting the second writer has been attacked by “The Flaming Carrot”. His fear is natural, considering.
Or… he was abused by Carrottop. Equally understandable.
May 23, 2010 at 11:38 pm rating: 5
#11
Having Fitz
Another relationship torn apart by a crippling prawn addiction…
May 23, 2010 at 11:39 pm rating: 12
#12
veritybrown
Team-girlfriend! If a guy got six prawns and I only two, and he *refused* to share, I’d be pretty annoyed. I suspect that his own “attitude” in the past was what made the prawns the straw that broke the camel’s back. Enjoy your prawns in the gutter, dude!
May 23, 2010 at 11:59 pm rating: 3
#13
Zeke
That first note has got to be fake. It’s right up there with “BOUGTH IT FOR MY COUSIN WHO HAD CANCER, ITEM NEVER ARRIVED AND MY COUSIN DIED”
May 24, 2010 at 12:36 am rating: 4
#14
snokful
To the writer of the first note: Grow up. Oh, and CRY MOAR.
May 24, 2010 at 1:10 am rating: 3
#15
gladystopia
Team Girlfriend. It’s impossible to win the game with only two prawns, especially when your opponent has six. That makes the whole N5–K2 gambit a risky choice, and Q-R10 just goes headlong out the window then….
Oh. PRAWNS. Not “pawns”.
I should really stop drinking and playing board games, or maybe just stop playing board games.
May 24, 2010 at 2:02 am rating: 16
#16
Canthz_B
Please sign the lease,
or don’t skimp on the shrimp.
May 24, 2010 at 3:31 am rating: 7
#17
Gina
Dear Homeless:
Please cease and desist from blaming us for your inadequacies in the bedroom/relationship. Further harassment will not be tolerated.
Love,
The Prawns
May 24, 2010 at 6:17 am rating: 9
#18
Veloxiraptor
Whole Foods is pretty much the uptight d-bag capital of the world. Their complaint board is pure PA gold. Think I’ll go take a few pictures…
May 24, 2010 at 7:48 am rating: 2
#19
Alison
It says story, not store in the response. Way to go Whole Foods.
May 24, 2010 at 8:14 am rating: 0
#20
Canthz_B
Holy gigglebrax failure, Batman!
May 24, 2010 at 8:31 am rating: 1
#21
Xenobiologista
Speaking of intimidating vegetables http://xkcd.com/236/
May 24, 2010 at 8:52 am rating: 2
#22
Sam S
I would argue that TWO prawns are hardly a “galaxy”.
Let me talk to Mr. Wong!
May 24, 2010 at 8:53 am rating: 3
#23
aaa
Fuck! Give me a shrimp!
TANTRUM! You can just move out
Boyfriend one hundred…
May 24, 2010 at 8:54 am rating: 5
#24
Edwina the Defrocked Nun
yay… shrimp debacle haiku
May 24, 2010 at 8:58 am rating: 1
#25
heyzeus
I see your David Foster Wallace reference, and I like it.
May 24, 2010 at 10:59 am rating: 3
#26
Walker, "Tex" (a stranger)
And I’ll bet that out of all eight shrimp, not a one of them congratulated the couple on Facebook regarding their break-up announcement.
…bunch of bottom-feeders. Hmmph!
May 24, 2010 at 11:04 am rating: 11
#27
bored at work
Perhaps prawns aren’t the only area where he’s thinking he’s got ’6′ and she’s thinking she’s only getting ’2′…..
May 24, 2010 at 11:13 am rating: 13
#28
eslinger
Those prawns were fucking delicious.
May 24, 2010 at 1:59 pm rating: 0
#29
oi
The first note writer must be a hipster. Hipsters go great lengths to create misery and induce self pity. If it were normal people like you and I, then we would have talk to manger about discrepancy in service and solve it right there but not hipsters. You see it would be too easy and negate the whole point of being a hipster.
What do hipsters do? They make life complicated and miserable. Hey gimme your food because restaurant served me less. No I won’t. OK get out of my house right now!
This way everybody wins in hipster universe! Restaurant is not happy (lost obviously prawns loving customers), he is not happy (lost house and her) and she is not happy either(lost him) That’s how true hipsters roll, leaving no life untouched.
Hipster’s motto: If my life is not bitch I will turn her into one and cry “‘pity me, pity me!”
May 24, 2010 at 2:16 pm rating: 5
#30
mamason
WTF? A type-written response on a post-it? Really?
May 24, 2010 at 2:57 pm rating: 3
#31
Woman on the Verge
I finally figured out why “prawns” bothered me. Then I remembered – that’s what they called those scary-ass aliens in District 9. No wonder she was pissed.
May 24, 2010 at 3:11 pm rating: 3
#32
infanttyrone
Dear Homeless,
Of course you’re a single guy, Nimrod !
Even one more like you might get folks to sanction gen
derocide…Stay hard to get,
ty
May 24, 2010 at 6:25 pm rating: 1
#33
debkatz
Dear homeless guy,
Get used to your new surroundings. And try not to spawn. Darwin called-you’re up for honorable mention on how NOT to keep the species going. Your girlfriend came in a close second.
Have a relatively sex-free life.
May 24, 2010 at 8:16 pm rating: 1
#34
alex
LOL at the first one i live on saltspring island and thats from the Fulford pub way down in the south end.
May 24, 2010 at 11:39 pm rating: 0
#35
The Elf
Paige, one of my ferrets once dragged a carrot under the couch. I don’t know what she did with it, but I heard a lot of thumping and dooking. At least it was a fully mature carrot.
May 25, 2010 at 11:03 am rating: 0
#36
algae
I used to work at the River Street Whole Foods!! That is a five star response to an amazing comment.
Jun 2, 2010 at 4:55 pm rating: 0
#37 Thank you for your “constructive criticism” | PassiveAggressiveNotes.com
[...] it comes to comment cards and suggestion boxes, it’s not necessarily hard to get the last word. But as Maggie noticed [...]
Apr 19, 2011 at 10:38 pm rating: 0
Comments are Closed