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One sure sign your roommate situation isn’t working out?

May 25th, 2010 · 124 comments

When someone starts hiding the formerly communal toilet paper, that’s typically the beginning of the end.

Exhibit a) From Liz in Brooklyn, New York: “My old roommate was a huge pain for a lot of reasons, but what really did it for me was when she would finish the roll of toilet paper and then hide the new roll in her room so only she could use it.” Before moving out, Liz left her roomie with this parting gift.

Hi Sandra :) Since you hid the toilet paper I'm assuming you are hard hit on cash so here is a gift on me. Enjoy the free roll girl friend....  Liz :) xoxoxo

Exhibit b) From BK in Kansas City, Missouri: “My roommate wanted us to buy separate toilet paper because he thought I used a lot, which seemed kind of ridiculous to me. Then, when he ran out of toilet paper he would use mine. I took my toilet paper out of the bathroom so he couldn’t use it anymore. Then he wrote me a passive aggressive note saying I was passive-aggressive.”

I was going to give you money for the ONE roll of toilet paper we ended up switching out. But I understand where you're coming from. A little passive-aggressive though.

Exhibit c) From LJ at Mississipi State University: “I have no idea why my roommate felt the need to hide the toilet paper  — it wasn’t like I was using it *excessively* or anything. A few days after this happened, we had to have a meeting mediated by the Residence Director, because they were pretty sure we were going to kill each other.”

Buy your own damn toilet paper.

related: I’m not here to wipe your dirty butt.

Five approaches to toilet paper maintenance

FILED UNDER: Brooklyn · Kansas City · Mississippi · roommates · smiley · toilet paper · xoxo

124 responses so far ↓

  • #1   Jynical

    Is it just me or does Exhibit B have beautiful handwriting?

    May 25, 2010 at 8:25 pm   rating: 58  small thumbs up

    • #1.1   Team Me

      Definitely not pre-med.

      May 25, 2010 at 10:45 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

    • #1.2   JetJackson

      I can’t help but notice that Exhibit C looks awfully similar to the
      title above…

      May 26, 2010 at 12:24 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #1.3   The Elf

      Pre-meditated, though. That’s for sure.

      May 26, 2010 at 8:30 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #1.4   infanttyrone

      Oh, thought you said pre-medicated…
      1) Good thing these folks aren’t having a fit over rolling papers…
      2) Could it be the perps, victims, or both are selling their anti-anxiety or anti-psychotic meds to Pablo and Julio Down by the Schoolyard ?

      May 26, 2010 at 12:28 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #2   Escape Goat

    #1: Oh, Hi Liz! Yay! Thanks! Sorry, I did hide it … in the toilet … where it was supposed to be … it was covered in feces. Next time I’ll just leave it on your bed. Naah, I’ll just use you’re pillowcase. ~S

    May 25, 2010 at 8:26 pm   rating: 20  small thumbs up

    • #2.1   Escape Goat

      Too aggressive?

      May 25, 2010 at 9:02 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #2.2   lownote

      Wait, she’s a pillowcase…then why does she need toilet roll in the first place?

      May 26, 2010 at 2:13 am   rating: 23  small thumbs up

    • #2.3   Escape Goat

      DOH! I fell for the your-you’re pitfall! The beers musta got me again. Every time I try to get out, they drag me back in.

      May 26, 2010 at 7:08 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

  • #3   sunshyne84

    notes in the bathroom are never a good thing, just like sayin “we need to talk”

    May 25, 2010 at 8:48 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

    • #3.1   Escape Goat

      I woulda used the note if the paper was missing.

      May 25, 2010 at 8:52 pm   rating: 21  small thumbs up

  • #4   Quite Contrary

    If I’ve said it once (I have), I’ve said it a million times (I have)…I don’t miss having roommates.

    May 25, 2010 at 8:51 pm   rating: 41  small thumbs up

    • #4.1   park rose bang

      The members of these notewriters’ households really are swipe if you want to wipe.
      Money put in the kitty is money well spent. I never had problems with housemates playing “hide the TP”.* Failure to change the TP roll, yes, but exercising exclusive ownership of unused TP, no.

      *Not to be confused with “hide the sausage”, though if we’re talking about kittys/kitties, you can see where confusion might arise.

      May 26, 2010 at 2:45 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

  • #5   ClearlyDemented

    I’m really disappointed that none of these were written on the TP itself, especially the last one, so they’d at least have one last wipe to savor.

    May 25, 2010 at 8:59 pm   rating: 19  small thumbs up

  • #6   ClearlyDemented

    I understand notewriter #2′s indignation. I also like to assertively not share and then call my non-share-y out when they passive-aggressively won’t share with me. I mean, really, note-receiver, have some class.

    May 25, 2010 at 9:00 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

  • #7   Bubby

    Can’t you spare one square?

    May 25, 2010 at 9:04 pm   rating: 20  small thumbs up

    • #7.1   AuntyBron

      You only need one, Bubby? God, you really ARE a tight-ass.

      May 26, 2010 at 12:01 am   rating: 20  small thumbs up

    • #7.2   laura

      aww, auntie missed the Seinfeld reference!

      May 26, 2010 at 3:24 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

    • #7.3   AuntyBron

      I did not watch Seinfeld – I prefer to watch shows at are about something.

      May 27, 2010 at 11:10 am   rating: 13  small thumbs up

  • #8   Jonathan

    Sandra knows some people need a lot of “toilet paper” for those “big jobs”.

    May 25, 2010 at 10:00 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

  • #9   Bunnee

    Why can’t they just steal toilet paper from a fast food place or gas station like I did when I was young and poor?

    May 25, 2010 at 10:17 pm   rating: 19  small thumbs up

    • #9.1   HandyMarigolds

      Heck, I knew people who stockpiled fast-food napkins.

      Kind of weird to think about the fate of some of those logos — especially Wendy and the Carl’s Jr star.

      May 26, 2010 at 10:18 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

  • #10   marco

    Here is my contribution to this one:
    yes, I was co-author of that note ;)

    May 25, 2010 at 10:46 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #11   sharko

    Just FYI, women use toilet paper at about 3-4x the rate men do.

    May 25, 2010 at 11:53 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #11.1   AuntyBron

      That may be so, Sharko. But then men have 3-4x “skid marks” in their underpants.

      May 26, 2010 at 12:03 am   rating: 61  small thumbs up

    • #11.2   TheOldSchool bang


      If you had been raised in a nudist colony like I was*, you wouldn’t be so cavalier with statistics, such as the one you just “sighted.”

      Where’s your evidence?

      * I was evicted from the camp when I was 15, because I wore flared trousers to the “Naturalist Teens ‘n’ Tweens Back-To-School Dance.”

      May 26, 2010 at 1:33 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #11.3   hungrygrrl

      Yes, and women’s asses are 3×4 times cleaner than men’s.

      May 26, 2010 at 7:34 am   rating: 17  small thumbs up

    • #11.4   Splint Chesthair

      uh, as a former janitor and as a man who does the laundry in a house of 3 women and has done laundry for female roomates in the past, I’d have to disagree.

      May 26, 2010 at 8:28 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #11.5   HandyMarigolds

      These statistics don’t account for extracurricular male TP uses, such as shave-wound staunching, and (in my husband’s case) marathon nose-blowing.

      May 26, 2010 at 10:04 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

    • #11.6   Splint Chesthair

      can someone explain all the toilet paper confetti that decorates women’s room floors? They’re like little traingles or something, I can’t image how they come to be. Anyone?

      May 26, 2010 at 10:56 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #11.7   Woman on the Verge bang

      Oh! I can! First off, you have to tear off the bit that someone else has touched. That goes on the floor. Then you have to tear off strips to cover the seat in case you lose your balance and have skin contact. If those are too long, you have to tear off bits until they are right. After a few women, it looks like a snow drift.

      May 26, 2010 at 11:04 am   rating: 21  small thumbs up

    • #11.8   park rose

      Blame the dispenser.

      May 26, 2010 at 11:04 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #11.9   Splint Chesthair

      dispenser excuse doesn’t cut it, the men’s room never had that, same dispenser. I though the traingles themselves served a purpose but I guess if you were rip-trimming the paper to fit the seat, that would result in a lot of triangles. I still don’t understand though, we had paper seat covers. Are they not good enough?

      May 26, 2010 at 12:03 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #11.10   Bunnee

      I think we’re overlooking the obvious: dingleberries.

      May 26, 2010 at 12:08 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #11.11   Splint Chesthair

      But it’s unused toilet paper, all clean, little triangles, all over the floor. Flummoxed me greatly.

      May 26, 2010 at 12:56 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #11.12   Z

      Who knows? People need to get over it and just sit down. The seat is cleaner than the handles!

      May 27, 2010 at 12:42 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #11.13   Boss

      The reason for 3-4X more use is clear: women also use it when the urinate. Most men “shake” it after urinating, so no need for toilet paper. I don’t think the original poster was trying to make some political statement (i.e. women are clear type statement). Simply put, people urinate more than they defecate so if you use paper for both you’re going to be using more.

      May 31, 2010 at 10:17 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

  • #12   Splint Chesthair

    Don’t any of the young people today know how to steal toilet paper from public restrooms like normal young adults strapped for cash? Plus, if you’re in college, find one of the janitor’s closets in the classroom building and you’ll have all the toilet paper you can handle. Of course, it’s not top quality TP, but if you want that you’ll have to work for it.

    May 26, 2010 at 6:25 am   rating: 11  small thumbs up

    • #12.1   Sam S

      When I was in school I worked for restaurant attache to a hotel. One time a maid left her cart in the hall, and I, with a bunch of other waiters, picked that damn cart CLEAN – toilet paper, shampoo, soap. What was funny was that our manager, a lady in her thirties, was right there with us.

      May 26, 2010 at 6:39 am   rating: 22  small thumbs up

    • #12.2   anglophile bang

      Hahahaha. That is funny! You stole! Hahahahahaha!

      No, wait, it’s not.

      May 26, 2010 at 7:30 am   rating: 35  small thumbs up

    • #12.3   Splint Chesthair

      stealing is better than being passive aggressive

      May 26, 2010 at 8:22 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

    • #12.4   Mo® bang

      I didn’t know restaurants had an embassy. Were you the hash brown attaché?

      May 26, 2010 at 9:25 am   rating: 16  small thumbs up

    • #12.5   Sam S


      1: I was a kid

      2: I was a dirt-poor college student

      3: I only took a couple small bottles of shampoo

      4: You never committed petty theft at your place of employment? You are a real saint.

      5: Get a sense of humor

      May 26, 2010 at 9:44 am   rating: 21  small thumbs up

    • #12.6   amy d bang

      How do stories change?

      May 26, 2010 at 9:50 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #12.7   Sam S

      How does it change?

      May 26, 2010 at 9:54 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #12.8   anglophile bang

      Well, I was mostly just giving you shit, but since you got your undies in a twist, I will say I hardly call stripping a maid cart full of supplies “petty theft”, I don’t think “college student” classifies as a kid, I have never stolen from my place of employment, or any other business*, even in my “dirt poor” days, and I already have a sense of humor.

      *In the interest of full disclosure, I once helped myself to three milk crates from a huge pile behind a fruit stand. It still kinda bothers me, and I don’t go around boasting about it.

      May 26, 2010 at 10:01 am   rating: 23  small thumbs up

    • #12.9   amy d bang

      It changes from picking the cart clean and being funny to only a few bottles of shampoo and I was poor.

      May 26, 2010 at 10:04 am   rating: 14  small thumbs up

    • #12.10   Sam S

      So 19 years old is not a “kid”.

      Do you live in the 1800s?

      And I’m not “bragging”. I’m only telling a stupid story. Thanks for pissing on it.


      You need to learn how to read. I was PART of a group of people. The head waiter was going nuts grabbing things. The manager took quite a few things, too. I only took enough to fill one of my pockets.

      I’ve spent WAY WAY too much time on this stupid story. Thanks, guys. I’ll be watching what you post.

      May 26, 2010 at 10:04 am   rating: 19  small thumbs up

    • #12.11   HandyMarigolds

      I’ve never pinched toiletries from an employer or a store, but I’ve totally waited to use the bathroom there because I was out of paper at home. Not only did I use their paper, I used their water, soap, and crappy hand dryers. Therefore, I don’t think I’m in a position to judge any of y’all.

      May 26, 2010 at 10:07 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #12.12   amy d bang

      I can read just fine, Sam, thanks.I guess I should have said the tone changed or the way you presented it changed.

      Oh, and thanks for being a fan!

      May 26, 2010 at 10:10 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #12.13   Sam S

      You need to read Ango’s post to see how the tone changes. Imagine telling a dumb anecdote and then someone turns it around on you, and insinuates that you are dishonest and a thief.

      It’s conveninent that I have two cheeks. The two of you can kiss them.

      May 26, 2010 at 10:18 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

    • #12.14   anglophile bang

      Mostly I was just feeling sorry for the maid, who’s going to have to refill her cart.

      Oh, and working at a hotel and having to account for expenditures kinda takes the funny out of the brats from the Denny’s next door stealing shit from the hotel.

      May 26, 2010 at 10:25 am   rating: 13  small thumbs up

    • #12.15   Woman on the Verge bang

      Hey, Sam! I hate to tell you this, but you’re story wasn’t a great anecdote to start with. Getting all up in people’s faces for calling you out for stealing isn’t funny either.

      And for the record, no insinuation here: You stole shit and that means you are dishonest and a thief.

      May 26, 2010 at 10:26 am   rating: 17  small thumbs up

    • #12.16   anglophile bang

      Well, he admitted it, so I guess he’s an honest thief, Woman.

      I bet what he did with those shampoos is trot them right on over to the homeless shelter and donated them to someone much worse off than a dirt-poor college student with a job, right, Sam? A sort of modern-day Robin Hood?

      May 26, 2010 at 10:31 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

    • #12.17   amy d bang

      But, don’t you really have 4 cheeks, Sam? Should anglophile and I kiss 2 apiece or do we wait around for a few more people to rib you? I want first dibs on which cheek (s) I’m gonna kiss.

      May 26, 2010 at 10:38 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #12.18   Sam S

      You people suck.

      If I’m going to be called out for stealing two bottles of shampoo when I was 19 years old – so be it. I guess you numbskulls will shoot me for jaywalking, too.

      It’s not fun here anymore. I’ll leave you jerkoffs to play with each other.

      May 26, 2010 at 10:40 am   rating: 19  small thumbs up

    • #12.19   oi bang

      oh no don’t go Sam! You are so funny. These zip damn fools don’t know any better. I apologize behalf on them that they called you out on your dishonesty. Tell us funny stories of theft, robbery, and murdering too. They are so funny, you know I am laughing in anticipation.

      May 26, 2010 at 10:46 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

    • #12.20   anglophile bang

      I’ve got a puppy-kicking story if anyone’d like a few laughs….

      May 26, 2010 at 10:48 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #12.21   Woman on the Verge bang

      I love people who brag about things and then trip over their tongues trying to back out and justify their actions while blaming others for calling attention to the contradictions.

      May 26, 2010 at 10:55 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

    • #12.22   Splint Chesthair

      Sam’s problem is that he doesn’t own it. Me? I’m a liar, a thief and a cheat. I’m OK with it.

      May 26, 2010 at 10:57 am   rating: 21  small thumbs up

    • #12.23   Woman on the Verge bang

      Ssh. I want to hear glo’s puppy kicking story. $10 says that after she tells us she was part of a gang that roamed the streets kicking poor innocent dogs, she’ll backtrack and claim that she just watched the others and then petted the puppies gently with the bare toes of one foot.

      May 26, 2010 at 11:07 am   rating: 11  small thumbs up

    • #12.24   anglophile bang

      No, I was going to say one time I saw a guy aim a kick at a dog, overbalance, and fall on his ass instead.

      So I laugh when people fall down. I can’t help it.

      May 26, 2010 at 11:30 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

    • #12.25   Splint Chesthair

      As someone with vertigo, you can cram it with walnuts.

      May 26, 2010 at 12:07 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #12.26   infanttyrone

      There must be some kinda way outa here…

      May 26, 2010 at 12:21 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #12.27   mamason bang

      I’m a thief. I’ll steal your heart! *triestomakeadorablefacebutiswaytoooldsojustlookscreepy*

      May 26, 2010 at 1:07 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #12.28   mamason bang

      Sam, I know it’s probably too late, but I want you to reconsider your decision to storm out in a huff and never come back. We all have gotten smacked around at one time or another, here in PANland, but you need to think of it as being jumped in. You take a couple of hard hits, just to show you can, then respect. This is the virtual hood. Don’t be a pussy. We’re almost out of TP.

      May 26, 2010 at 1:19 pm   rating: 18  small thumbs up

    • #12.29   TheOldSchool bang

      I’ve never owned a hotel before, so I can’t comment about how employee theft impacted my business.

      But I used to own a fruit stand. Best years of my life. Sadly, I was driven into bankruptcy by milk crate thieves….

      May 26, 2010 at 8:02 pm   rating: 16  small thumbs up

    • #12.30   anglophile bang

      I’ll just add it to the long list of Why I’m Going To Hell, TOS. It’ll go above buying wine coolers two days before my 21st birthday and below not backing over that squirrel to put it out of its misery.

      May 26, 2010 at 8:19 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #12.31   FeRD bang

      Diving in late, but I’ve just gotta point out:
      Sam, it’s still plenty fun around here. We’re all having a blast. The only one not having fun, at the moment, seems to be you!

      Just, maybe take a few breaths to consider that. And then maybe if you’re feeling better I’ll tell you my hooker-cheating story. It’s a freakin’ riot!

      (…I’m lying, I never cheated a hooker. I wish I had a hooker-cheating story, but the truth is I’m nothing but a big, fat phony. I’ll understand if none of you respect me “anymore”.)

      May 26, 2010 at 9:59 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

    • #12.32   Canthz_B bang

      Technically, if we play with each other we can’t be jerk-offs, Sam. ;-)

      May 27, 2010 at 2:49 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #12.33   anglophile bang

      If that bit of advice is directed at me, FeRD, you might want to consider that some people have a drier sense of humor than others. I’m having plenty of fun and am quite relaxed for a person who has to start work at 5 am.

      But that’s the hotel business, you know? ;)

      ETA: oh, sorry, reading comprehension fail. It was 5:30 am, after all. :oops:

      May 27, 2010 at 5:28 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #12.34   Lian

      Dear god you’re a bunch of dickwads. Well, thanks for reminding me why I don’t read the comment section here. Every once in a while I forget, and then I come here and again I remember. At least /b/ is honest about only being a bunch of trolls. I know that you certainly don’t give a rat’s ass, self-righteous assholes that you are, but Sam’s not the only one disgusted by your reaction. I just wish there was a down-vote button.

      Jumping a guy (and a new guy, too, by the look of it) about petty theft ages ago, especially since there are numerous upvoted posts telling students to do just that, is dickish to say the least. I realise you think this is “the hood”, but it’s not. This is just a bunch of jerks feeling very satisfied under their very own bridge, getting cozy with inside jokes and giving leeway to their own on stories that are chewed out if posted by a newcomer. You quite obviously don’t want new people coming here, and sharing somewhat funny stories. An for the record, that was a funny story – not because of the theft, but because the managers, the people who should be policing that kind of behaviour, joined in with gusto. Don’t worry, I certainly won’t be coming back too soon. I prefer honest trolls to this kind of inner circle asshattery. And yeah, it’s called a circle-jerk.

      May 27, 2010 at 12:18 pm   rating: 21  small thumbs up

    • #12.35   Z


      May 27, 2010 at 12:46 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #12.36   TheOldSchool bang


      I thought a circle-jerk was a situation in which a group of like-minded individuals got together and masturbated.

      If this is indeed what has been transpiring, why wasn’t I informed? My cellphone seems to be working properly.

      Lian, I suspect that you’ve misunderstood the exact nature of whatever it was that was about to take place.

      Don’t feel bad, Lian. I’ve done it, too. I remember the time I mistook a prayer circle for circle-jerk. There I was, pounding away furiously, when just as a was about to sow my seed and send it heavenward….

      Well, let’s just say that it was just one of many awkward moments that I’m sure all of us have experienced on numerous occasions.

      Still, I can’t say that my feelings weren’t a little bit hurt when not a single member of the circle reached out to shake my hand as I was being escorted off the church property.

      May 27, 2010 at 2:08 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

    • #12.37   anglophile bang

      Wow, Lian, you sure told me. You’re absolutely right, I hate when new people join the site, I only want to re-hash old fucking delicious in-jokes and I’ve been a total dick. This isn’t the first time, either, ask any of the regulars, I’m a total cunt who jumps on noobs the first chance I get, give off a totally unwelcoming vibe and pretty much deserve to be banned. I totally agree with you.

      However, I cannot agree that there was anything funny about Sam’s story. My objection was not the theft so much as the pathetic delusion Sam seems to be under that he and his cohorts were the first people ever in the world to dare to steal off a maid’s cart. Ask anyone who’s ever worked in a hotel and I bet they can tell you they’ve lost count of the number of times they’ve spotted some stupid guests swiping shit off the carts. It’s about as daring a prank as loosening the top to the salt shaker at a diner. Snooze! And the manager joining in just made it distasteful in my opinion.

      That’s what I meant by my initial comment, and all the other comments were the result of Sam taking extreme umbrage, backpeddling and flouncing out. I can’t resist tweaking people who take umbrage. It’s a character flaw, I’m sure.

      May 27, 2010 at 7:22 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #12.38   TheOldSchool bang

      Hang on, Glo. The story as I first understood it was that Sam S. took some toilet paper from a maid’s cart at a hotel.

      That’s one thing.

      But now, if I’m understanding you correctly, I’m learning for the first time that nicking a couple of rolls toilet paper wasn’t enough for this git to satisfy his sick and degenerate, thieving cravings — he had to go out and take umbrage, as well!

      That’s not on. Not on at all. If Sam doesn’t want to go to hell, he’s got to come up with a really clever scheme to wipe his slate clean. Two rolls won’t do.

      May 27, 2010 at 11:50 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #12.39   mamason bang

      OMG! Unclench, people!

      May 28, 2010 at 10:20 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #13   Sam S

    I just like it that a girl is leaving a note with kisses and hugs to her female room-mate…

    Girls don’t kiss and hug each other enough, in my opinion.

    May 26, 2010 at 6:29 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #13.1   clumber

      Some of us consider that just foreplay though, and we do much more.

      May 26, 2010 at 8:32 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #13.2   Sam S

      Hasan like… Hasan LIKE!!

      May 26, 2010 at 9:50 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #14   Kou

    What is it about toilet paper that brings out the crazy? My suitemates from this last school year told me not to buy toilet paper when I offered and refused to accept the money I tried to give them for the packages they bought, so I stopped offering. I bought TP when I noticed we were getting low.

    However, the one who hadn’t even bought the TP before got furiously angry and, after leaving me a bunch of weird notes and yelling at me a few times about it, started sabotaging my stuff in the bathroom so I had to hide it all from her in my room. She threw away some of my things, filled my sink with the hair from her brush, and threatened to beat me up– she actually confronted me while she was naked. The RAs were useless and told me to just “talk to her” and “resolve it like adults.”

    I resolved it by stealing all the TP she eventually bought & then emptying out her cleanser and replacing it with conditioner, which was the same color and consistency.

    May 26, 2010 at 6:45 am   rating: 19  small thumbs up

    • #14.1   mamason bang

      You should have peed in it.

      May 26, 2010 at 1:09 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

    • #14.2   se

      wow, how great would it be to threatened by someone completely naked? I probably would not hear a word she said…

      May 26, 2010 at 2:25 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #14.3   Mo® bang

      Going to extraordinary lengths and jamming a deuce in there would have got you extra crazy points!

      May 26, 2010 at 2:26 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

  • #15   Wrench

    What exactly IS it that causes some people to use excessive amounts of toilet paper? I live with a guy — a GUY — who easily goes through a full roll in a matter of 2 days. I’m not talking about standard rolls, either, I’m talking about the Charmin heavy-duty mega rolls. The kind you cannot wipe through unless your ass is made of sand paper and Hell. Seriously, how does that happen? Guys don’t even use TP for every visit, just for twosies. I could kind of understand if it was a female with a bowel disorder on her period, but this shit (no pun intended) is bananas.

    May 26, 2010 at 6:59 am   rating: 21  small thumbs up

    • #15.1   HandyMarigolds

      Could just be a high-fiber diet. Normal “twosies” rates can be anywhere from three a week to three a day!

      May 26, 2010 at 10:16 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #15.2   Splint Chesthair

      I firmly believe some people were never taught how much to use. Like you know how kids will unravel the whole roll until you tell them stop and show them how much to use? I think some people just were never taught that lesson and think a papier-mache catcher mitt is needed every time.

      May 26, 2010 at 11:02 am   rating: 22  small thumbs up

    • #15.3   VentureSister

      Oh, Splint, is your name an MST3K reference? Because if it is, I may have to marry you.

      May 27, 2010 at 7:01 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

  • #16   Angela

    When I lived with my friend, we had separate bathrooms. When I ran out of toilet paper, I would use her bathroom until I remembered to go to the store. I wonder if she thought I was a shitty roommate.

    May 26, 2010 at 7:18 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

  • #17   clumber

    Re: Exh a.) could someone please insert a clever witty comment about THX SANDRA ?

    Someone (else) needs to do the work around here….

    May 26, 2010 at 8:36 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #17.1   anglophile bang

      How does this do it for you, Clumber?


      May 26, 2010 at 10:29 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #17.2   Clumber

      Well now I’m dizzy… that link, at least here, went round and round and round.. like a record, anglo, right round round round.

      Was probably your twisted plan!

      May 26, 2010 at 11:43 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #17.3   anglophile bang

      I was linking to Jonathan’s Comment #8 above.

      Thanks for the earworm, though.

      May 26, 2010 at 11:49 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #17.4   FeRD bang

      THX SANDRA? Isn’t that George Lucas’ first scat film? Where he makes Carrie Fisher poop all over everything because, according to George, “There’s no TP in space”?

      …Never saw it, sorry. I only watch Belgian snuff porn.

      May 26, 2010 at 10:12 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #17.5   Jonathan

      Gosh darn it, I guess I was just TOO passive and didn’t use “enough” quote marks or “CAPS LOCK”. If you need me, I’ll probably be getting the key to the locked men’s room from Casey in HR so I can steal some “toilet paper” for a really good cry.

      May 26, 2010 at 11:18 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #18   Edwina the Defrocked Nun

    I use lots of toilet paper. But I’m married to my roommate, and being a man of mature years, he recognizes that what he gets back in so many ways is worth the extra toilet paper. The one time he mentioned the level of toilet paper usage, he got the (not at all passive aggressive) message that “We don’t go there.”

    Being direct is wonderful in so many ways. Not the least, you don’t have to draw in spurious smiley faces and xoxoxo’s.

    May 26, 2010 at 9:50 am   rating: 10  small thumbs up

    • #18.1   Wrench

      Seriously — why? What is it that compells certain people to make what Splint Chesthair brilliantly called “a papier mache catcher’s mitt”? Your resistence to discussing the topic makes it seem like it’s something deeply personal to some people. When I brought up the issue with the guy I live with, his only response was, “I have a big ass. I need a lot of paper.” (For the record, his ass isn’t that big.) I specifically buy the expensive, heavy-duty paper so that you CAN’T wipe through it and it DOESN’T crumble. It doesn’t seem to make a difference and it seems like I’m throwing money, literally, down the toilet every time he walks in there with a book, newspaper or (shudder) laptop.

      Like I said, a girl I MIGHT be able to understand, since we use toilet paper for tinkle, wrapping up “feminine products,” dookies and whatever else, but I do not for the life of me understand the obsession with intentionally using more toilet paper than necessary. 50 squares doesn’t feel THAT much plusher than 10.

      May 26, 2010 at 1:50 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

  • #19   CPal

    I don’t do passive-aggressive but I have stashed toilet paper. I lived with four guys, none of whom would ever buy any TP or give me money. Finally I said that they could buy the next pack, and when they didn’t for DAYS (seriously, I don’t know how they did it), I had already purchased my own “emergency roll” and stashed it. The TP situation has much improved now that I’m living with girls!

    May 26, 2010 at 11:09 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

    • #19.1   HandyMarigolds

      I lucked out big time when I had three male roommates (divided by two bathrooms). We had a great borrow-or-lend TP economy; if you borrowed a roll, you gave one back within a couple days. One guy even reimbursed my Angel Soft with much-posher Cottonelle!

      That said, I’ve visited friends of both sexes who ran out of TP and didn’t do anything about it. Maybe it’s time to carry a pocket-pack of Kleenex in my purse everywhere I go.

      May 26, 2010 at 12:39 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

    • #19.2   BurstingAtTheSeams

      Same thing happened with my old male roommate. Except he came into my bathroom and took my last roll. Oh horrors! The last one!

      Of course, I didn’t realize it until I had already gone and reached under the sink to get the last roll out…

      So I stashed my TP from then on. And he came home with one of those 12″ rolls from those huge department store dispensers.

      Jun 2, 2010 at 4:45 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #20   Walker, "Tex" (a stranger)

    I like Liz’s brand of sarcasm. Passive-aggressive and patronizing at the same time.

    I’m out of the roommate days, but if someone habitually used up the TP and didn’t replace it? Well, let’s just say “Hey roomie, don’t leave your towel in the bathroom.”

    May 26, 2010 at 12:01 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #20.1   Splint Chesthair

      I hear that. I had a roomie who used to puke on everything and 4-5 times a week and never in the toilet or a sink. I started grabbing his clothes to clean up the puke and tossing them in his hamper and incidences dramatically decreased.

      May 26, 2010 at 12:09 pm   rating: 13  small thumbs up

    • #20.2   HandyMarigolds

      4-5 times a week?! Are we talking alcoholic, bulimic, or just a really frail constitution?

      May 26, 2010 at 12:23 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #20.3   Splint Chesthair

      Alcoholic, pretty much puked everytime he drank and binge drank 4-5 times per week. Awful.

      May 26, 2010 at 12:46 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

    • #20.4   seacurs

      I have a roommate like that, but he’s a cat. So it’s hairballs 4-5 times a week. And he doesn’t wear clothes so your solution won’t work. I don’t think he’s an alcololic but maybe I’m just not seeing the signs.

      May 26, 2010 at 4:56 pm   rating: 18  small thumbs up

    • #20.5   Walker, "Tex" (a stranger)

      Cat fur might actually turn out to be absorbent. You don’t know until you try.

      May 26, 2010 at 10:33 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

  • #21   Dave

    Well I for one can totally understand these notes, it all depends on your past living situations I guess. I lived with 2 friends who never, and I mean NEVER, bought toilet paper. It seems like such a small thing but with 3 adults in the house it can easily be $10/week that you’re spending, so that’s $520 by the end of a year. If it’s one person who’s shouldering all of that $520 while one or more others are skating by for free simply because they can it gets frustrating.

    May 26, 2010 at 1:08 pm   rating: 11  small thumbs up

    • #21.1   BurstingAtTheSeams

      I’m with you there. I kind of wonder if Liz isn’t a bad roommate and a little bit dense.

      Jun 2, 2010 at 4:48 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #22   mamason bang

    My first husband would never buy more than one paper product at a time. If we had papertowels, then we didn’t need toilet paper as far as he was concerned. It was not a happy time.

    May 26, 2010 at 1:27 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #22.1   Bunnee bang


      May 26, 2010 at 1:37 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #22.2   TheOldSchool bang

      Back when I owned and operated my nudist colony fruitstand, we didn’t even have a toilet. Didn’t need one.

      Most folks don’t realize that eating fruit all day long is nature’s way of gently, yet quite insistently, coaxing your bladder to be all it can be.

      Fruit, to me, is eerily reminiscent of a psychiatric nurse who is slightly mixed-up herself (i.e., a dingbat) but who has the right credentials to get hired by the mental ward’s HR staff. She is professional, but aloof, with most of the patients (organs), until one day she finds herself fixated with one particularly imbecilic patient (the bladder).

      Gradually, she becomes obsessed and overly intimate with him (it), to the point that her attentions to him are becoming such a major distraction to the other patients and staffers that she’s perilously close to getting fired.

      (Imagine yourself holding the corner of a sheet of paper between the tips of your index finger and thumb. Now remove the paper, while not moving your thumb or finger. The linear distance between the tips of those two slightly crooked digits is approximately the amount of space that remained between her and unemployment. She was that close. I’m serious. Ask around. You’ll see.)

      But then, out of the blue, her patient (the bladder) starts regaining his sanity. Within a week, he’s become completely sane. Within a month he’s super-sane! Then, before autumn had begun gently, yet insistently, dry humping winter’s left leg, he became recognized by everyone in the ward as being, most definitively, “The Sanest Man in the World!”

      Obviously, the nurse is now a hero in the mental hospital.

      Well, my friend, fruit is to your bladder what that nurse was to that whackjob nutcase guy. It takes an ordinary bladder and instantly toughens it up.

      Back at the stand, we would sit there all day, every day, just eating fruit. Naked. Talking. Laughing. Spitting out seeds. But never urinating or defecating. Ever! Our bladders were that strong.

      If anyone tries to tell you that fruit isn’t good for your bladder, you just tell him that you know of a state mental ward that has an opening for a new patient.

      (Actually, I think the mental hospital has been closed down due to funding cuts, but that doesn’t matter; just say anything to get rid of the half-witted, dope-addled cretin. People like him make me sick.)

      May 27, 2010 at 4:03 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

  • #23   orange

    Team TP hider. Whilst at University, I had a roommate who never contributed to buying communal supplies. After purchasing the TP 4 times in a row and discussing the need to take turns buying TP, I ended up keeping the last roll in my room so I’d at least have something to use while she figured out that I wasn’t going to buy any more. She eventually broke down and spent her father’s hard earned money on a pack (he was supporting her, I was supporting myself).

    Passive aggressive? Sure, but only after the direct approach failed dismally.

    May 26, 2010 at 1:38 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

  • #24   Not That Nicole the Other Nicole

    Exhibit B reminds me strongly of an old roommate I had with whom I shared as a matter of course all the groceries I bought when I first moved in. Some months down the road she accused me of eating her entire birthday cake even though she “didn’t even get any.” I had, it is true, cut a small piece off once a day (I had just enough money to pay bills at the time and that cake was pretty much all I had to eat besides ramen; tough times woo). There was also more than half a cake left two, maybe three weeks later. It was so stale it was like a dried-out sponge so I tossed it because I was honestly afraid I was so desperate for nutrients I’d eat it. How dare I deprive her of the cake she had ignored for two weeks? I am a terrible person. I should have bought her a new one.

    Even she never stooped to hiding toilet paper, though. Although that could have been because I was living out of my car/friends’ houses at that point because I couldn’t take it any more…

    May 26, 2010 at 2:48 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #25   branham

    It looks like Exhibit C is the same person from this post:

    Note the same “International Paper” paper, along with the same handwriting on the note from the passive agressor.

    May 26, 2010 at 3:51 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #25.1   Woman on the Verge bang

      Wow, are you like a detective or something?

      May 26, 2010 at 6:38 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #25.2   BurstingAtTheSeams

      That’s purely amazing. Good work branham, good work.

      Jun 2, 2010 at 4:53 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #26   Max Time bang

    just use tissue paper

    May 27, 2010 at 8:56 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #27   Joe Blow

    Some women do tend to use an inordinately large amount of toilet paper, so I can see the frustration from someone who only uses the normal amount. It’s not just the cost of buying more, it’s also the fact that it just doesn’t have to be that way..

    May 27, 2010 at 10:03 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #27.1   TheOldSchool bang

      Joe, thanks for venting your sense of frustration over this issue.

      Sometimes the healing doesn’t start happening until we give voice to source of what it was that wounded us in the first place.

      Joe, maybe you should do a youtube video demonstrating the “normal amount” of toilet paper people should use. There’s a large segment of our society who would view you, not just as a hero, but a latter day, “Johnny Toilet-Paper-Seed,” if you will.

      May 27, 2010 at 2:18 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #27.2   Jonathan

      I don’t imagine Joe’s, ah, “plumbing” is suited to a convincing demonstration.

      May 28, 2010 at 12:05 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #28   Sally

    I had evil roommates who pulled this crap. They did similar things with laundry detergent (apparently we need four open boxes). Also, they insisted I used too many dishes, so rather than rotating, we should all wash our own. Names on all the food. Oh, and don’t forget complaining about tampons in the trashcan. How rude of me not to take them directly out to the dumpster.

    Jun 7, 2010 at 10:18 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

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