No, that's not why they call it furniture, actually.

← Stupid is as stuiped does From the Department of Inappropriate Clip Art →

So…I’m guessing you don’t get many visitors in your neck of the woods.

May 27th, 2010 · 90 comments

Our anonymous submitter saw this notice up in Canada’s Yukon territory. “I always knew that dogs were a very important in the life of the Yukoners,” she says, by way of explanation…an explanation that, frustratingly, explains next to nothing about these people or their “visitors.”

Also, re: points #4 & 6 — my dog isn’t very good at coming when called, but he happens to love hanging out with “drug-using people.” (Lots of Cheetos crumbs and whatnot to lick off the floor.)

related: Your are welcome

FILED UNDER: Canada · cats · dogs · guests · questionable logic · TL;DR

90 responses so far ↓

#1 Tikikala

HA. lol.
logical. it makes sense. awesome. indeed.

May 27, 2010 at 11:03 pm rating: 90

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#2 Kevin

LMAO. I have two cats and a dog and not a one of them normally comes when called. They come when food is on its way, though.

On the other hand, the poster makes some very valid points which I find difficult to argue.

May 27, 2010 at 11:05 pm rating: 90

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- #2.1 park rose
  
  Especially the one about ‘fur’-niture.
  
  May 27, 2010 at 11:08 pm rating: 90
- #2.2 Kevin
  
  I honestly don’t know where to begin arguing that one, so I would just concede victory to the unusual etymology.
  
  May 27, 2010 at 11:11 pm rating: 90
- #2.3 AuntyBron
  
  I have fish. They never come when called. But they do seem to know when I’m coming to feed them.
  
  … except the dead ones. The other fish eat them.
  
  May 27, 2010 at 11:58 pm rating: 90
- #2.4 Canthz_B
  
  Fish are awesome pets. If you don’t want their water on your clothes, don’t sit in their tank. That’s why it’s called an ‘aqua’-rium.
  
  May 28, 2010 at 12:56 am rating: 90
- #2.5 hogarth
  
  I named my cat “[can opener sound]“. He always comes when I call him.
  
  May 28, 2010 at 9:42 am rating: 90
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#3 Silver

LOL! Crazy cat lady alert!

May 27, 2010 at 11:06 pm rating: 90

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#4 leftfoot

(12) you can lock pets in a kennel if they are being a nuisance.

May 27, 2010 at 11:06 pm rating: 90

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- #4.1 Mo®
  
  What? You can’t lock kids in a kennel when they are a nuisance? Next you will tell me you can’t trap them for sport!
  
  May 28, 2010 at 10:25 am rating: 90
- #4.2 mystic_eye
  
  Playpen, kennel, what’s the difference?
  
  Seriously isn’t the criteria for size the same “must be able to turn around and lay down”?
  
  May 31, 2010 at 11:12 am rating: 90
- #4.3 Navi
  
  @Mo: It’s called “Go to your room”.
  
  Jun 2, 2010 at 12:49 pm rating: 90
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#5 Lori Ventola

Heehee! “If they get pregnant, you can sell their children!”

May 27, 2010 at 11:06 pm rating: 90

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- #5.1 HappyNat
  
  It’s like the person has never heard of the black market. You can get quite a bit for a good human baby on the black market. Ummm so I’ve heard . . .
  
  May 28, 2010 at 11:32 am rating: 90
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#6 park rose

This should have been posted on a Wednesday. A dog note is a sure-fire way to get us through a hump-day. He might not come when he’s called, but give him a knee to wrap his legs around and he’ll try his best to get there.

May 27, 2010 at 11:07 pm rating: 90

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- #6.1 Woman on the Verge
  
  Have I told you this week, that I love you, rose?
  
  May 28, 2010 at 7:20 am rating: 90
- #6.2 park rose
  
  I like your posts best of all, WotV – especially the ones like this!
  
  May 28, 2010 at 12:22 pm rating: 90
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#7 Melodie

In fairness, I have received at least ten email forwards in my life which quote that exactly. This one just seems harsh because it doesn’t have any adorable, soft-focus photos of puppies blowing out the candles on their birthday cakes or whatever the fuck.

PS: I live in Canada. Maybe it’s a national phenomenon..?

May 27, 2010 at 11:07 pm rating: 90

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- #7.1 brandine
  
  No, it seems harsh because e-mail forwards (in their usual format) are rants meant to preach to the converted, whereas a posted printout seems intended to actually educate/insult the handful of people who can be bothered to visit crazy cat lady anymore.
  
  May 28, 2010 at 6:26 am rating: 90
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#8 rossy

I’d hate to go to this person’s house. It seems like it’s always the people with poorly trained animals living in a home they don’t clean often enough who cop this sort of attitude with everyone.

May 27, 2010 at 11:08 pm rating: 90

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- #8.1 veritybrown
  
  P.S. It’s people like you the note was aimed at. Just saying.
  
  May 27, 2010 at 11:43 pm rating: 90
- #8.2 rossy
  
  If people want to hate on me for having a clean home and well-trained animals, then um, bring on the haters. Nobody has ever complained about my pets. I think the real issue here is that someone feels bad when people come to their home and point out that they are lazy. Even petless folks know the difference between a few days worth of animal hair vs. a few weeks. And a dog who jumps on them and shoves its face in their genitals vs. one who doesn’t. Just saying.
  
  May 28, 2010 at 12:59 am rating: 90
- #8.3 Canthz_B
  
  verity, even pet-owning folks (the sane ones) know that pets aren’t substitutes for children, and children are most certainly not pets. Just saying.
  
  May 28, 2010 at 1:09 am rating: 90
- #8.4 Sam
  
  rossy:
  
  Not even pet-owning people know the difference between a few days worth of hair and a few weeks. My parents always come over to my place and complain about how much hair there is all over the place (really, there’s normally only a few patches on the carpet).
  
  However:
  1) They have two pets, we have four (five if you count the guinea pig)
  2) They have short-haired animals who shed seasonally, we have a long-haired cat who sheds constantly in clumps plus a dog who sheds whenever she feels like it
  3) They have a 2000sqft house, we have a 1000sqft townhouse
  4) They have old beaten down carpets, ours are still plush and therefore hair gets stuck to it more easily, rather than floating around the hardwood and into the corners like it does at their house.
  
  I vacuum once a week, I train my pets (the cats as much as I can) and I do my best to keep them out of the way as much as possible and I still get people coming over that complain about them. My SiL complained that my dog sniffed her child’s face… after the kid tripped and fell right on top of my girl. A friend complained because my boy was lying at his feet and watching him. Various visitors have complained because I asked them not to stand in the doorway with the door open because my cat was a stray before I adopted him and he still tries to bolt for open doors on occasion, even if I’ve made it much more rare.
  
  Although there are some parts of this that are over the top (I don’t think of my pets as actual children, even if I think of them as “family”) the sentiments in it come from a place of frustration that a lot of pet owners are familiar with. People come into my home and act like the animals are the guests and should be put away just because they, as guests, want them to be. I’m sympathetic to allergies and workers who are there to do something for me, but for the rest, I’m not. The cats having shed a couple of bits of fur since I vacuumed or the dogs standing still in front of someone looking for pets are not huge issues and if someone comes into my home and tries to act like they are: well, they’re quite welcome not to come back. It is the animals’ home as well and while I’ll demand good behaviour (including not jumping up onto laps unless invited and laying down in one spot and staying there rather than wandering around) I won’t try to make them not be animals. Animals have fur, animals want to say hello and animals are going to watch the new human. If this is a problem, it’s the human that’s the problem, not the animals (obviously not the case if the animals are misbehaving, but mine rarely do and when they do, they get removed from the situation).
  
  May 28, 2010 at 8:59 am rating: 90
- #8.5 Sarah
  
  “it’s always the people with poorly trained animals living in a home they don’t clean often enough who cop this sort of attitude with everyone.”
  
  Or, people who think animals should be able to behave naturally, within limits, in their own home and who have more important things to do with their lives than do house work
  
  My dogs are well behaved but are not robots who sit, stay, roll over on command. It’s their home too so they are welcome to lay on the sofa. No my house ain’t clean cos, as they say, A clean house is a sign of an empty life. If someone chooses to come to my house then they accept the dog hair (and with five of them I’d have to vacuum hourly for there to be none) or they can go elsewhere!
  
  May 28, 2010 at 12:31 pm rating: 90
- #8.6 TippingCows
  
  Oh no, what have I done?! I’ve made my dogs into robots!!!
  
  (Actually, isn’t that part of training them? You need to get them to listen to what you say as you give the command. You train them with treats and make a game out of it. I am proud of my robot dogs. You know why? Because if Dog forbid they get loose somehow, they will sit or stay on command rather than try to cross the busy street or the pathway where the bikers are coming towards them. They will stay “down” when they try to jump in someone (which by the way, they don’t really do anymore because they’ve been “trained”. Yes, that word “trained” … so new, so foreign, and yet …)
  
  Aw I’m just being a total pain in the ass on purpose.
  
  Sincerely,
  Dictated to Robot Dog #1, translated and typed by Robot Dog #2
  
  May 28, 2010 at 7:18 pm rating: 90
- #8.7 jane
  
  Rossy: if you really think it’s appropriate to walk into someone’s house and “point out” that they are lazy because their standards of cleanliness don’t match your own, you seriously need to re-evaluate your social skills.
  
  May 29, 2010 at 9:32 am rating: 90
- #8.8 April
  
  I agree. I think said crazy cat lady is not going to have many human friends before too long.
  
  May 29, 2010 at 1:52 pm rating: 90
- #8.9 Boss
  
  Really, the worst thing is just when the pets crawl on you or jump on you repeatedly and the owner is totally cool with it. Maybe that’s how the pet owner and the pet interact but it’s not for me.
  
  May 31, 2010 at 10:08 am rating: 90
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#9 mike

FWIW, this is from an email that’s been circulating around the internet for years. Its weird to print it and hang it up, but he or she didn’t write it.

May 27, 2010 at 11:09 pm rating: 90

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- #9.1 Kevin
  
  One of the perks of deleting those kind of emails unread is that it’s new to me, even if not to anyone else.
  
  May 27, 2010 at 11:13 pm rating: 90
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#10 Beek

Welcome to my home where the dog fur sticks to everything…..but the dogs.

May 27, 2010 at 11:13 pm rating: 90

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- #10.1 Xenobiologista
  
  IIRC hair tends to pick up negative static charges, same-charged items repel each other, that’s why.
  
  I live in a tropical country where the humidity is usually around 60% so sticking to the furniture is fortunately not a problem…we just get massive dust bunnies of cat hair.
  
  May 27, 2010 at 11:19 pm rating: 90
- #10.2 Wolverine Girl
  
  My long haired cat, Charlie, creates little fluffy tumbleweeds during moulting season.
  
  May 28, 2010 at 7:35 am rating: 90
- #10.3 Flaboy2425
  
  My little black mongrel can shed more hair in one day than my big Boxer sheds in two weeks.
  
  May 28, 2010 at 8:21 am rating: 90
- #10.4 eye roller
  
  noone cares about your stupid pets commenters……
  quit making it about you
  
  May 28, 2010 at 10:26 am rating: 90
- #10.5 Mo®
  
  Peter Noone does, yes he does.
  Mrs Brown you have a lovely daughter/cat.
  
  May 28, 2010 at 10:40 am rating: 90
- #10.6 H for Toy
  
  This is why I ♥ you, Mo! The wit and the earworms
  
  May 28, 2010 at 4:09 pm rating: 90
- #10.7 Mo®
  
  Aw! Yay, I missed you H for Toy♥ .
  
  May 28, 2010 at 4:12 pm rating: 90
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#11 Kat

I’ve seen this reposted on humour/pet sites and in my mailboxes spam filter from well meaning relatives since the internet began….. not the best passive-aggressive note offering, although I do hate forwarded crap.

May 27, 2010 at 11:16 pm rating: 90

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#12 jfruh

I am one of those people who has a cat and will not be having kids and I love the cat very much and think it is preferable to a child and yet nothing gives me the creeps more than people who refer to their pets their children. Ugh ugh ugh, it drives me up a wall.

May 27, 2010 at 11:17 pm rating: 90

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- #12.1 Pxmidnight
  
  I agree! I’ve never understood why it’s an insult to call someone a “son-of-a-bitch”, and yet perfectly acceptable to refer yourself as your dog’s “Mommy”.
  
  May 27, 2010 at 11:43 pm rating: 90
- #12.2 veritybrown
  
  Yeah, that kind of weirds me out, too. Pets are pets and children are children. There *is* a difference.
  
  May 27, 2010 at 11:45 pm rating: 90
- #12.3 VM
  
  If you love a pet, you should respect its nature as a member of a different species. Considering them your children is less a sign of love than a need to make them over in your image–and that’s not healthy for you or the animal.
  
  May 28, 2010 at 12:20 am rating: 90
- #12.4 Na
  
  So true. Feeding your adult dog the same thing you’d feed a human toddler, for example, won’t give the animal the right kinds of nutrition! (You wouldn’t feed your toddler dog food. Or maybe you would, I don’t know you!) And I’m not saying that people who say “their pets are children” feed them human food, but it stems from the same kind of attitude of wanting them to be like people, thereby denying an adult dog the things an adult dog would need to fulfill them.
  
  Like, carrying them around everywhere if it’s a small dog, which I’ve heard some people do, to protect their precious little paws. That dog needs exercise and would want to develop muscles! They enjoy being active! They’re not babies! Not human babies nor, in many cases, even pups for very long!
  
  That being said, just because someone says “I love them like children” doesn’t necessarily mean they love them AS children. It could be just a thing they say to show how much they love their animal, who they do respect as a member of their own species.
  
  May 28, 2010 at 1:37 am rating: 90
- #12.5 HandyMarigolds
  
  My cats mean the world to me, but I agree: calling them my “kids” would cheapen the nature of our relationship.
  
  I’d rather refer to myself as their furniture.
  
  May 28, 2010 at 10:05 am rating: 90
- #12.6 Weaselbaby
  
  I think of my cats as furry roommates. Just like human roommates, they constantly eat food that I purchase. They never chip in for the utilities, & they use up the TP without replacing the roll. They have noisy dance parties late at night, showing no respect to my need to sleep. I always clean up their crap & they NEVER say thank you.
  
  May 31, 2010 at 2:46 pm rating: 90
- #12.7 Clumber
  
  Here is the Clumber comeback for “ohhh your dogs are just like your children” bs :
  “My dogs are family. However, they are not at all like children. If my dog bites your kid, I will put my dog down. If your kid bites my dog….. See? Not the same at all. Now GFY.”
  
  disclaimer: Clumber is by no means suggesting anyone follow this method, though if you wish to you are more than welcome. Clumber cannot be held liable for resulting lost friendships, grumpiness, and delightful lack of visitors in your home
  
  Jun 1, 2010 at 8:22 am rating: 90
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#13 Nancy

But my kid has never EVER sniffed anyone’s crotch, liked their privates or humped anyone’s leg. And unlike the cat, a kid can be taught to yack into the toilet instead in the middle of the rug. Good and bad in both…

May 27, 2010 at 11:17 pm rating: 90

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- #13.1 Canthz_B
  
  Why don’t your kids like their privates? Were their genes stone-washed?
  
  May 28, 2010 at 1:26 am rating: 90
- #13.2 HandyMarigolds
  
  And unlike the cat, a kid can be taught to yack into the toilet instead in the middle of the rug.
  
  Yeah, but if your kid doesn’t make it to the toilet, your other kids probably won’t helpfully eat all the barf off the floor.
  
  May 28, 2010 at 10:07 am rating: 90
- #13.3 Sam
  
  I taught my long-haired cat to hack his hairballs up onto the tile. He just squats at the edge of the carpet with his head over the tile and lets go. So it is possible to train them not to get it on the carpet, if not into the toilet.
  
  None of my animals sniff crotches or hump legs, either. As for licking privates… well, the kids I know all like to scratch/grab/rub/whatever theirs and then sniff/lick their fingers. I’m pretty sure that they’d straight up lick them if they could!
  
  I’d say the biggest advantage for a kid over my pets for me is that a kid wouldn’t be obsessed with my used feminine hygiene products because they wouldn’t know that they smell like “me”.
  
  May 28, 2010 at 11:58 am rating: 90
- #13.4 Navi
  
  @Sam: Your cat reminds me of my incredibly considerate bunny. When he’s out because I’m cleaning his cage and he doesn’t have access to his litter box, he’ll only do his business on one specific section of tile, which is super-easy to clean. I did not teach him this, and in fact, he litter-trained himself too. ^^;
  
  Jun 2, 2010 at 12:41 pm rating: 90
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#14 G.

Yeah, this isn’t anyone’s particular passive-aggressive note. It’s something that circulates the internet periodically.

May 27, 2010 at 11:20 pm rating: 90

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#15 Babes

So your pets ask for money, some of the time?

May 27, 2010 at 11:41 pm rating: 90

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#16 kat

Yeah, I’ve seen it before too but if I went toi someone’s house and this was hanging on their front door, I’d promptly turn around and leave. At least my kid doesn’t hang obnoxious notes.

May 28, 2010 at 12:35 am rating: 90

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- #16.1 wfa
  
  If you read this note and promptly leave, that mean this note works. I need to get one of my own.
  
  May 29, 2010 at 11:19 am rating: 90
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#17 Cole

Love it when people can’t even be original,

May 28, 2010 at 12:49 am rating: 90

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#18 scaz

my ex-boyfriend had this typed up and framed in the guest bathroom with a soft focus picture of his two dogs. he is not canadian, but is from wisconsin. so. maybe its still a latitudinal thing.

May 28, 2010 at 2:10 am rating: 90

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- #18.1 anglophile
  
  More likely it’s just that people from Wisconsin are weird.
  
  May 28, 2010 at 7:17 am rating: 90
- #18.2 Canthz_B
  
  What a cheesy thing to say!
  
  May 28, 2010 at 8:22 am rating: 90
- #18.3 Mo®
  
  Curd you be more original?
  
  May 28, 2010 at 10:35 am rating: 90
- #18.4 anglophile
  
  *mutter mutter couple of brats mutter mutter*
  
  May 28, 2010 at 10:58 am rating: 90
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#19 newbuffalomom

Wear natural fibers, hug your pet.
(seen on a magnet)

May 28, 2010 at 5:10 am rating: 90

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#20 Winston Smith

I know who I am not gonna visit

May 28, 2010 at 5:27 am rating: 90

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- #20.1 Clumber
  
  oooh! oooh! Is this a guessing game then? My guess is Claw. Just cuz’ I suspect you don’t have the balls for it.
  
  And me, obviously.
  
  Jun 1, 2010 at 8:25 am rating: 90
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#21 Lauren

at least my kids will eventually clean up their own poop.

May 28, 2010 at 6:10 am rating: 90

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- #21.1 HandyMarigolds
  
  Cats can be toilet-trained.
  
  Of course, if you teach them to use the flush mechanism, they become obsessed with their newfound control over water and basically never stop…
  
  Team Both-Have-Their-Merits, I guess.
  
  May 28, 2010 at 10:10 am rating: 90
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#22 Jess

If they are your sons/daughters and you sell their children, then essentially you are selling your grandchildren. Interesting…

May 28, 2010 at 6:14 am rating: 90

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- #22.1 HandyMarigolds
  
  Weird how with human children, we don’t wait that extra generation like we do with pets. If we’re going to sell, we’re going to sell early.
  
  May 28, 2010 at 2:29 pm rating: 90
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#23 Woman on the Verge

Wait, my kids are short, hairy, occasionally walk on all fours and don’t speak clearly. They’re human teenagers.

May 28, 2010 at 7:28 am rating: 90

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- #23.1 HandyMarigolds
  
  Ha!
  
  That reminds me: I once read somewhere that cats have a “vocabulary” as diverse as a normal teenager. Then I read somewhere else that cats have about the IQ of a human toddler.
  
  Makes it interesting to imagine their conversations.
  
  May 28, 2010 at 10:17 am rating: 90
- #23.2 Navi
  
  @Marigolds: This is probably why lolspeak was invented. :/
  
  @Verge: My cat also brings unwanted friends over, doesn’t clean up the mess he leaves all over the house (he has thumbs, so no excuses!), occasionally shows up at two in the morning drunk and/or high, would rather sleep all day, and only pays attention to me when he’s hungry.
  
  I’ve always theorized that dogs are practice for raising little kids and cats are practice for raising teenagers.
  
  Jun 2, 2010 at 12:36 pm rating: 90
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#24 Geek Kittie

Haha – I’m one of those people who don’t plan on having children and will refer to my pets as my furbabies. Granted, I don’t try to treat them like people or anything weird like that.

I love my pets and have a great affection for them. I still know they’re not the same as a child. Don’t take the “my pets are my children” too seriously.

May 28, 2010 at 7:34 am rating: 90

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- #24.1 HandyMarigolds
  
  I think a lot of the “my pets are just like children” attitude is a reaction to the misguided houseguest notion that “your pets are just like replaceable inanimate goods.” Sometimes it’s tempting to fawn over the little snotnosed brats just because your cat-hater friends are there to see it.
  
  May 28, 2010 at 10:15 am rating: 90
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#25 Kimmpie

The puppies & kittens are fucking delicious!
Sorry, I couldn’t help myself

May 28, 2010 at 7:59 am rating: 90

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- #25.1 Canthz_B
  
  We can’t help you either.
  
  May 28, 2010 at 8:21 am rating: 90
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#26 xenylamine

#6 and #7 are questionable… my dog is quite a fan of rum & coke. And #7 kind of follows #6, if you know what I’m sayin’.

May 28, 2010 at 8:14 am rating: 90

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#27 Capri

I agree with the above people who are not into the animal rights “our pets are our kids” nonsense. I’ve left so many pet- related communities because of all this “doggy mommy” “cat-mom” “parent to Fluffy” “monkid” stuff (monkid meaning somebody’s pet monkey) I have a possum and she’s my pet, not my child… I cringe any time people refer to me as her “mommy” uh, no…She was weaned off her momy three and a half years ago and came to me, her owner. As for forwards, I smash chain letters, including pet-related ones, without mercy, but still with at least some class.

May 28, 2010 at 12:16 pm rating: 90

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- #27.1 ISpy
  
  read…read…read…WAIT! You have a POSSUM as a pet?
  
  May 31, 2010 at 1:56 pm rating: 90
- #27.2 Beanster
  
  was it lost?
  i think i found it.
  
  May 31, 2010 at 8:29 pm rating: 90
- #27.3 Navi
  
  I refer to myself as my cat’s “mahm,” but in the sense that I might be mom to an aloof and occasionally resentful teenager. He’s definitely not my “baby.”
  
  Jun 2, 2010 at 12:32 pm rating: 90
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#28 Flummox

People who copy stuff someone else thought up (and pass it off as their own original thought) annoy me.
Hmm… come to think of it, that’s probably also why I hate bumper stickers, t-shirt quotes and greeting cards.

May 28, 2010 at 12:21 pm rating: 90

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#29 cherylicious

Another bennie about a pet vs. a child–you can leave your pet home alone when they are a year old and no one calls CPS…

May 28, 2010 at 11:26 pm rating: 90

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#30 RP

Dear Pet Owners: Is it really too much to ask that the poop gets cleaned up?

I get that pets mean animal hair all over the place and I’ve given up on expecting anyone to actually control their dogs but can’t the poop at least be dealt with?

Jun 1, 2010 at 2:06 pm rating: 90

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#31 jess

my cat is just as hard to train as your average kid. Although at least he’s reasonably predictable in his misbehavior.

Jun 1, 2010 at 6:45 pm rating: 90

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#32 elliot

I have often found that I can tell a lot about the owner through their pet. Does anyone else find that?

Jun 1, 2010 at 9:47 pm rating: 90

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#33 cali

I just realized that all my friends are animal lovers too. I never have to explain or excuse anything. The people who can’t stomach my four pets don’t come to visit. Fine with me. I can’t imagine being true friends with someone who hates animals, and I have no time for phony friendships.

I don’t let my pets climb on people unless they are invited. My dog doesn’t jump up and if she’s begging I send her in the other room.

Now I wish people with little kids who visit could give me the same courtesy. I resent looking after other people’s children in my house because they don’t care what they get into or break in my not-kid-friendly house. Can somebody write a note like this for folks with kids who come to visit?

Jun 1, 2010 at 9:49 pm rating: 90

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#34 Navi

Actually, my cat will sometimes come home smelling like every kind of smoke and stumbling. And if you leave a beer within his reach, he’ll try to steal it from you one lick at a time. >^,^<

Jun 2, 2010 at 12:28 pm rating: 90

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#35 Shipoopi

SPAY/NEUTER!

Jun 15, 2010 at 11:24 am rating: 90

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