Entries from May 2010

Please don’t take this the wrong way, but mind your own damn business.

May 11th, 2010 · 105 Comments

Our Bay-Area submitter returned from lunch one day to find this note from an anonymous concerned coworker.

“I’ll admit that I’ve gained about 15 pounds recently,” she says. However, “At 4’11 and normally around 95 pounds, even with the extra 15 I’m still within an acceptable weight range for my height.” But the real kicker, says our submitter?

“I’m also 5 months pregnant. I just haven’t made a big deal about it by talking incessantly about it or demanding special treatment like I’m God’s gift to the world just because I got myself knocked up.”

Please don't take this the wrong way, I am just concerned for your health. Have you considered Weight Watchers? I lost 20lb that way!!! We even have a program here at work. Tues @ Noon - hope to see you there! :)

(So, uh, I think that’s a no, she won’t be seeing you there.)

related: I am beautiful, not matter what they say (or passive-aggressively insinuate)

Tags: "helpful" advice · Bay Area · hey fatty · most popular notes of 2010 · office · oh no you didn't · preggers · smiley · the best of intentions

In case you were wondering why we’re closed

May 10th, 2010 · 75 Comments

…the proprietors of this Toronto bar will leave you pondering some different questions instead.

TONITE: SUNDAY 25th BANGBANG BAR IS CLOSED DUE TO FEMALE TEMPERMENT [sic] ISSUES

Meanwhile, as Will observed, a Shell station in Austin apparently abides by a similar “honesty is the best” policy.

Due To Tonyas drug habbit [sic] store will be Closed

…as does a shopping center in Tyler, Texas, where Erin spotted this explanation (on a 100-degree July day).

Temporarily closed Due to Shopping Center Mgmt. Refusal To Repair 32 Year Old A/C Unit.

Similar venting was on display at a store in Ironton, Ohio. (“For the record, I cannot validate whether or not the ‘oner’ was an in fact an asshole,” says submitter Meagan.)

CLOSED FOREVER DUE TO ASSHOLE ONER [sic]

And smetimes, of course, brutal honesty isn’t enough.

Sorry, we are CLOSED due to short staff. (Hire taller staff cause I need a taco!)

So really, why bother with an explanation at all?

Not Sorry

Fuck off we're closed

related: Closed for good! Remember that the cheese loved you more than you loved it.

Tags: "customer service" · bar · don't blame us · drugs · most popular notes of 2010 · Norway · Ohio · raging against the machine · restaurant · retail hell · spelling and grammar police · Texas · Toronto

Happy F’ing Mother’s Day!

May 9th, 2010 · 60 Comments

Sara in Easton, Maryland received this mother’s day card made by her 7-year-old daughter in school. “Yes, I sometimes have a potty mouth,” Sara says, “but I’m working on it, dammit! I just hope her teacher didn’t judge me too harshly…”

Thank you for really trying to not say cus [sic] words near me. Love, Kyla  please!!!

Meanwhile, Allison in Columbia, South Carolina found this sad little bookmark in a public library book. (An Amy Tan novel, naturally.)

20 min would have been far better than 0 min w/you  Happy Mother's day anyways  LOVE Mia

related: Thanks, Mom, for reminding me why I moved out in the first place.

Tags: kids · Moms & Dads · Mother's Day · Mother-daughter notes · signed with love

You lied to me, Mr. Lundegaard.

May 6th, 2010 · 88 Comments

I know, you didn’t want that Trucoat. But there is something you can do about it.

Just ask this driver from Portland, Oregon:

This lousy paint job from Metro-Express on SE Powell

Or the owner of this truck, spotted by Chris in Kansas City, Missouri:

I bought my truck at Louisburg Ford BIG MISTAKE

Or this guy, spotted by Paul in El Cajon, California:

Mossy Nissan of El Cajon BURNED ME!

Or this one, spotted by Leigh from Fort Mill, South Carolina:

I WAS

At least now you know where not to go next time.

related: The car you drive can say a lot about you as a person

Tags: car

Those puddles on the floor? Not salad dressing.

May 5th, 2010 · 98 Comments

Sure, some things (don’t pee in the freaking trash can!) should go without saying. But if you’re gonna say it, wouldn’t this be the time for absolute clarity? In this situation, the directive “behind the salad bar” seems dangerously vague.

Oh, and did I mention that Jenna in Kansas spotted this notice at a local “salad bar/tanning salon”? Because I’m sure that clears everything up.

Please do not urinate in the trash cans! Restrooms are located behind the salad bar. Thanks, Management

related: What is it about thrift-store fitting rooms?

Tags: Kansas · now that's management · piss · WTF?

The mystery of the bum-scratching bike thief

May 4th, 2010 · 58 Comments

I’d like to imagine that this note, spotted by Michael in Sydney, Australia…

To whoever stole Susan's bicycle may you get a seriously itchy bum

And this note, documented by Ron in Michigan…

LADY ON BIKE SHAME ON YOU

…are both connected by one shamelessly bum-scratching female bicyclist.

related: Failed strategies in bicycle theft deterrence

Tags: bicycle · CAPS LOCK · stealing · WTF?

Maybe it was the “Bring your own Sprite” part that turned people off?

May 3rd, 2010 · 66 Comments

Our submitter in Provo, Utah came across this sad little display taped to a door at Brigham Young University. “There’s a lot of pent-up, childish anger there,” she says.

Birthday Party. We're turning 21! (CANCELLED DUE TO LACK OF INTEREST AND PARTICIPATION)

Perhaps those would-be party-throwers in Provo could find some consolation from Ricky in Buenos Aires — his 49th birthday party was also cancelled due to a lack of cooperación from his amigos. (Hello, mission trip?)

PARTY SUSPENDED FOR WANT OF FRIENDS' COOPERATION... (We'll see you at the 50th) Ricky

related: This is not a party, only a reminder to not forget…again.

Tags: birthday · college life · it's my party · Utah

A not-so-friendly handshake

May 2nd, 2010 · 57 Comments

So, apparently this is a thing.

At a service station in the U.K., as Kerrie from London noticed, personal safety is the justification.

PLEASE DO NOT SHAKE WET HANDS ONTO FLOOR AS THIS MAY CAUSE SOMEONE TO SLIP AND FALL & INJURIES MAY OCCUR DUE TO CARELESSNESS!

At a University in Florida, it’s cleanliness.

ATTENTION Please dry your hands with a paper towel instead of shaking your hands and water falling on the floor. It keeps the bathroom floor a lot cleaner. Thank you, Staff  Yeah, nevermind the environment. —Student It's okay I don't need trees. —Student

Meanwhile, in Canada…

Out of Stock Use Your Pants

related: Nobody likes electric hand dryers (except for ZOMG the Dyson Airblade!!!)

Tags: bathroom · disgruntled janitor · rebuttals · that's irresponsible · that's unsanitary · The Earth · washing your hands