Cheers to the cheapskate!

June 2nd, 2010 · 89 comments

It all started, says Alex in Ottawa, when his roommate left on a note on his door, “chewing me out for not paying my share of the cable bill.” In response, Alex says, “I pointed out that he actually owed me more money for the hydro bill. Not being the kinda guy who takes well to being wrong, before paying me he decided to dock another $20 off what he owed — for random things like a burger he grilled for me six months ago.”

Eventually, Alex says, cheapskate roommate broke down and left him the 20 bucks…but not before adding a personal inscription. (Hover your mouse over the image if you’re having trouble deciphering the handwriting.)

FOR ALEX - AN UNDESERVED AMOUNT OF MONEY (Please flip over) ... I ALEX [redacted] IN ACCEPTING THIS 20 DOLLAR BILL ADMIT TO BEING A SLEEZY CHEAP FUCKER WHO CONSISTANTLY PAYS HIS BILLS LATE AND GIVES BULLSHIT REASONS TO LEGITIMIZE MY EGOCENTRIC BELIEF THAT I AM FREE FROM WRONG. I MOOCH MY ROOMMATES FOOD AND IT TAKES ME 40 MINUTES TO BREAK DOWN AND BUY A PITCHER (YES, WE TIMED YOU)

Adds Alex: “That part about ‘my egocentric belief that I am free from wrong’ actually describes him to a T, I think,” Alex adds. “But what do I know? I’m just a ‘sleezy cheap fucker,’ off to spend my newfound drinking money…probably on a pitcher to share with all my pals.

related: “Communication needed”

extra credit: The Queen as Ronald McDonald ["Defaced Presidents" pool on flickr]

FILED UNDER: money · Ottawa · roommates


89 responses so far ↓

  • #1   Canthz_B bang

    When the Queen calls you a cheap fucker, you really ought to give yourself a good looking over.

    Jun 2, 2010 at 8:38 pm   rating: 59  small thumbs up

    • #1.1   Fridge Pirate

      The twenty with all the whiny bullshit writen on it was fucking delicious.

      Jun 2, 2010 at 10:51 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.2   park rose bang

      We are not amused.

      Fridge Pirate, comment #5 kind of beat you to it.

      Jun 2, 2010 at 10:56 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.3   TheOldSchool bang

      I can hardly wait until Prince Charles’s head is on the Canadian currency.

      Nothing against his mother — it’s just that whenever I go to Canada, I get kinda sick of seeing her face. Silly old moo.

      (I doubt whether she’s even a true Canadian.)

      Jun 3, 2010 at 12:32 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.4   Canthz_B bang

      TOS, Prince Chuck on the currency would be good for the manufacturing industry.
      They’d need to make larger wallets to accommodate bills with those ears of his on them.

      Jun 3, 2010 at 1:32 am   rating: 14  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.5   TheOldSchool bang

      I’ve got a philosophical question for my Canadian neighbors, but they’re not home right now, so I’ll ask it here, instead.

      Let’s say, hypothetically speaking, you were to behead your queen. Now, let’s suppose that, owing to the marvels of modern medical science, she was able to continue living, even though she had no head.

      Would you Canadians feature a woman with a bloody neck stump on your loonies?

      I suppose that it would only be the right thing to do, but I’ve got to level with you here — for me, this would be a deal breaker.

      Don’t worry. I wouldn’t take it to such an extreme that I’d actually boycott your country, but please don’t make the mistake of thinking that I would feel at all comfortable carrying your loonies in my billfold, because I can assure you, I would not.

      All of which brings me to the crux of what would be (for me) a somewhat vexing situation. In a nutshell, do Canadian vending machines and peep show booths accept payment by credit cards? Because, if they accept loonies only, I shall take my custom elsewhere.

      Jun 3, 2010 at 2:45 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.6   Canthz_B bang

      Makes me wonder how many countries feature the visage of a monarch of their former ruler’s nation on their currency.

      That just seems a bit strange…not that there’s anything wrong with that, but can you imagine a U.S. King George III note?

      Jun 3, 2010 at 3:07 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.7   Canuck

      I imagine we’d just put a younger picture of her on newly minted bills and just call it reminiscing. We’re practical like that, and generally anti-putting-zombies-on-our-money.

      Jun 3, 2010 at 7:23 am   rating: 14  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.8   Canthz_B bang

      The great thing about dead presidents is that they can’t do anything embarrassing (like killing their daughters-in-law) while they adorn our money.

      Besides, we like reminiscing too! ;-)

      Jun 3, 2010 at 8:17 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.9   TheOldSchool bang

      It is embarrassing that the U.S. doesn’t have a royal family.

      If we had started one back in 1776, they would have had 234 years of in-breeding built into them, so I can only imagine how strange looking and mentally deranged they would be.

      Now, all we can do is fantasize about the supermarket tabloid headlines we’re missing.

      Jun 3, 2010 at 9:56 am   rating: 20  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.10   Woman on the Verge bang

      Is anyone concerned that the Queen’s face is green on that bill? Her lips are especially garish. Has she gone punk? Goth? Or is she quite ill?

      Jun 3, 2010 at 9:58 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.11   TheOldSchool bang

      Furthermore, America should be more imaginative with its currency. We should be replacing the presidents on our bills with more appropriate people.

      Johnny Cash.
      Eddie Money.
      The Pillsbury Doughboy.

      Remember how stifled, smothered, and suffocated you used to feel looking at postage stamps?

      Licking. Always licking. Locked in that room. Licking. It was gross.

      By nightfall, you weren’t just tired — you were tongue-tired.

      Jun 3, 2010 at 10:05 am   rating: 10  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.12   Squeaks bang

      @ Canthz_B

      She IS Canada’s head of state, she just has no involvement with its government. The Governor General is the Queen’s representative in the Canadian Parliament, and even that office is largely a ceremonial one.

      Jun 3, 2010 at 10:22 am   rating: 12  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.13   infant tyrone bang

      1¢ Vera Atkins
      5¢ Mike Nichols
      10¢ Dime Breed
      25¢ Gary U.S. Bonds
      50¢ Curtis James Jackson III
      1$ Buck Owens

      The Jolly Green Giant ?
      Dean(ero) Martin ?

      Jun 3, 2010 at 10:46 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.14   TheOldSchool bang

      I.T., your list is good, but don’t you feel that it is time that America paid tribute to the six original cast members of “Friends”?

      Jun 3, 2010 at 11:08 am   rating: 10  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.15   infant tyrone bang

      TOS,
      I never saw the show, but I’m sure most of us, via purchases of soap, coffee, and other products, have con-tribute-d handsomely to the actors, not directly, but through the intermediaries of NBC and its sponsors.

      I’d be more interested in the plight of Ernie Kovacs’ DuMont archives
      and not a little guilty that I never once bought a Muriel cigar.

      Jun 3, 2010 at 12:41 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.16   GhostWriter bang

      One substitute:

      Mike Nichelle Nichols

      Jun 3, 2010 at 12:50 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.17   infant tyrone bang

      Don’t know if Mike is the self-effacing type.
      If not, too bad for him…Nichelle’s in.

      Jun 3, 2010 at 3:02 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.18   Neeners

      The queen looks better on this bill than she ever did in real life. I would love to commission an artist who can make me look that good, even with green skin tone!

      Jun 3, 2010 at 7:23 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.19   Neeners

      Hey, forgive the stupid question, but what in the hell is that a boat load of on the back??? Looks like something out of my bad dream the other night.

      Oh sorry, I guess it was Bill Reid’s nightmare!!

      Jun 3, 2010 at 7:25 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.20   Canthz_B bang

      @Squeaks…see #19.1 ;-)

      Jun 3, 2010 at 8:47 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.21   F Saunders

      @Neeners
      It’s called The Spirit of Haida Gwaii, you philistine. There are sculptures of it in the Vancouver Int’l Airport and at the Canadian Embassy in Washington D.C.

      Jun 4, 2010 at 4:47 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.22   Maas

      I think the U.S. should do a line of commemorative currency in honour of all its citizens. Something like 300,000,000 one dollar bills, each with the face of a different person, and a catchy jingle suggesting that we try to collect them all.

      Jun 4, 2010 at 6:33 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.23   Neeners

      @ F Saunders,

      Calm down everything is going to be ok! Even us ‘philistines’ have our backward opinions. I think it’s a ‘lovely’ sculpture and far superior to our pyramid with an eyeball on it!!! At least I looked up who the hell made it right? Ya gotta give me that at least!!

      Jun 5, 2010 at 12:37 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #2   Wade bang

    The note on the note makes it Canada’s most expensive “loonie.”

    Jun 2, 2010 at 8:39 pm   rating: 17  small thumbs up

    • #2.1   AuntyBron

      A “loonie” from “whino” … Never saw that coming.

      Jun 2, 2010 at 11:55 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.2   Canthz_B bang

      At the very least the note on the note is Canada’s most expansive “loonie”.

      Jun 3, 2010 at 3:14 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #3   infant tyrone bang

    Note to self:
    Canadian hamburgers…avoid ‘em like the plague,
    unless they consist of old roommates sandwiched
    between a cable bill and an electric bill.
    If they’re up to spec, wash ‘em down with a pitcher of Molson’s.

    Jun 2, 2010 at 8:42 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #4   C.S. Harmonikah

    eh?

    Jun 2, 2010 at 8:47 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

     
  • #5   Cnecomicz bang

    That pitcher was fucking delicious.

    Jun 2, 2010 at 9:00 pm   rating: 11  small thumbs up

     
  • #6   shwonline bang

    Hey, now the Queen looks like a Maori warrior!

    Jun 2, 2010 at 9:03 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

     
  • #7   The Great Joe Bivins

    I’m just pleased this F-bombed 20 is now presumably circulating its way across Canada.

    Jun 2, 2010 at 9:16 pm   rating: 42  small thumbs up

    • #7.1   tiomela

      Totally. I will post if I get it!

      Jun 2, 2010 at 10:26 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.2   Nack

      What I wonder is if it’s illegal to deface currency in Canada like it is in the States. That’d be the coup de grace, having him arrested for it.

      How’s that for “cheap”?

      Jun 2, 2010 at 11:21 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.3   Jon

      With English money you can deface the note but not the queen’s image (which this guy’s done here).

      Do they have a Tower of London in London, Ontario to haul him off to?

      Jun 3, 2010 at 4:30 am   rating: 10  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.4   Mark bang

      Technically, you are free to deface all the US cash you want to. You’re just not allowed to spend it once you deface it.

      Jun 3, 2010 at 10:21 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.5   TheOldSchool bang

      Mark,

      Are you allowed to trade your defaced bills for clean ones?

      For instance, let’s say you know some little kids with lots of cash and not many street smarts. Or maybe your wealthy grandmother is afflicted with early onset alzheimers.

      Jun 3, 2010 at 10:50 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.6   Woman on the Verge bang

      TOS, I’m pretty sure the whole thing can be fixed right up with a little money laundering.

      Jun 3, 2010 at 4:39 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.7   Maas

      Maybe it’s not defaced, maybe all new banknotes will have this on them.

      Jun 5, 2010 at 11:16 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #8   zenvelo

    is that bill registered with the Canadian version of Where’s George? maybe in Canada they call it “Where’s Cheapfucker”.

    Jun 2, 2010 at 9:54 pm   rating: 14  small thumbs up

    • #8.1   Jon.

      FYI, the Canadian version is called Where’s Willy (www.whereswilly.com) because our smallest bill is the $5, with a picture of Sir Wilfred Laurier on it.

      Jun 3, 2010 at 1:38 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #9   zenvelo

    Do notes written on Canadian currency count as PA if they’re not written in both English and French?

    Jun 2, 2010 at 9:56 pm   rating: 45  small thumbs up

    • #9.1   Rubber Chicken

      Maybe the french version is on another 20.

      Jun 4, 2010 at 8:16 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #10   Laura

    Beautiful. Just beautiful.

    Jun 2, 2010 at 10:02 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #11   Denny DelVecchio

    It’s hard to believe that the value of that monopoly money didn’t go up when it was scrawled upon.

    Jun 2, 2010 at 10:21 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #12   tiomela

    I’d be so excited if I got this! I’m Canadian.

    Jun 2, 2010 at 10:26 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #12.1   zenvelo

      tu est un habitant?

      Jun 2, 2010 at 10:42 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #13   park rose bang

    Now, that’s some hard currency.

    Jun 2, 2010 at 10:57 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #13.1   Canthz_B bang

      You sure? I think it’s funny money.

      But it could be seen as cold cash.

      Jun 2, 2010 at 11:09 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #13.2   park rose

      . . . to read.

      Jun 3, 2010 at 4:32 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #14   Jett

    I’m going to take a wild guess that Alex is the freeloader, but these guys don’t mesh as roommates. Standard.

    Jun 2, 2010 at 11:07 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #15   CherylT

    How cold. However, it seems to me that if Alex was the generous type, none of this would have ever happened.

    Jun 2, 2010 at 11:32 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #16   shwonline bang

    “roomates”? They share a kangaroo?? In Canada???

    Jun 2, 2010 at 11:59 pm   rating: 31  small thumbs up

     
  • #17   Hayley

    Does anyone else find nothing wrong with not buying a pitcher in the first 40? You share with people and happen to be the last to buy one it would be that much time…

    Jun 3, 2010 at 12:41 am   rating: 13  small thumbs up

     
  • #18   snatchbeast

    I kind of love this note.

    I hate splitting pitchers with more than one person. Forty minutes can be a very long time.

    Jun 3, 2010 at 1:48 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #18.1   Canthz_B bang

      I hate splitting pitchers period.

      Geez, what kind of wimps are these guys?

      This pitcher is MINE, what are you guys having?

      Jun 3, 2010 at 2:04 am   rating: 18  small thumbs up

       
    • #18.2   Splint Chesthair

      I’ve always bought rounds of pitchers, not just one pitcher, how drunk are these people actually getting? Sounds like a conspiracy.

      Jun 3, 2010 at 9:23 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #18.3   TheOldSchool bang

      SC, I’m pleased to see that you’re starting to see the big pitcher.

      (There is a conspiracy. Those of us who are in the know, have been immersed in it for years.)

      Jun 3, 2010 at 10:59 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #18.4   Rubber Chicken

      The whole point is to get everyone else so drunk, they don’t realize you haven’t bought a pitcher yet. Then when they try to call you on it, you insist you bought the current one.

      Jun 3, 2010 at 12:29 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #18.5   park rose

      I agree. I think it is a royalist conspiracy. Ever seen the ears on Prince Charles? Ears on him like a pitcher. I know this was mentioned before, though we were talking about a picture of Prince Charles’ pitcher-like ears at that time.

      Jun 3, 2010 at 12:51 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #18.6   infant tyrone bang

      rose,
      Ewer just kidding around about the Prince, eweren’t ya ?

      itsbe: There was a conspiracy…we won…pass it on.

      Jun 3, 2010 at 2:52 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #19   riss

    @ Canthz_B

    it’s cos canada’s part of the commonwealth/. boring, but true…

    Jun 3, 2010 at 6:03 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #19.1   Canthz_B bang

      @riss…no fucking kidding. :-P

      Jun 3, 2010 at 8:23 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #19.2   gigglebraxed!

      Oh dear. riss, don’t forget to make an offering to the Gigglebrax gods tonight.

      They’re waiting.

      Jun 4, 2010 at 12:13 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #20   Splint Chesthair

    Oh yes, I had a roomate similar to this. Always tried to insist that he didn’t use as much electricity, or water, and since he didn’t use the telephone (back when people actually had land lines) much shouldn’t have to pay for that either. But take one of his beers and suddenly you’re expected to go halfsies on the whole case.

    Jun 3, 2010 at 6:32 am   rating: 17  small thumbs up

    • #20.1   eslinger bang

      I had a roommate who took the only window a/c unit in the apartment out of the living room, put it in her bedroom, and kept her doors shut so that only she and her live-in boyfriend (who was not on the lease) could enjoy the nice, cold air. I, however, was still required to pay half of the electricity bill (and rent, for that matter).

      Just one of the many reasons I will never again have a roommate.

      Jun 3, 2010 at 9:19 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

       
    • #20.2   gigglebraxed!

      My sister had a roommate who made her tally each time she flushed the toilet in order to mete out the water bill appropriately. Keep in mind that the water bill was about $20 a month.

      The roommate herself did not flush the toilet ever, as she instead chose to do her business at the Jack in the Box down the street to avoid paying a fair share of that rampantly high water bill.

      And no, this isn’t a joke.

      Jun 4, 2010 at 12:16 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

       
    • #20.3   Erin

      LOL at your username!

      Jun 4, 2010 at 1:23 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #21   Bunnee

    Something tells me that if they actually went to the trouble to time him to see how long it would take for him to buy a pitcher, he might be a cheap fucker. Then again, not just saying, “Hey, it’s your turn to get a pitcher” and then timing him is pretty PA in itself. Oh, the conundrums these roommates get themselves in just for our entertainment!

    Jun 3, 2010 at 8:55 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

    • #21.1   Splint Chesthair

      Yeah, it’s kind of like, he who smelt it dealt it. If, after a night on the town, you know that I bought 5 rounds and you bought 6, and you’re pissed about it. Then you are the cheap one, not me.

      Jun 3, 2010 at 9:22 am   rating: 14  small thumbs up

       
    • #21.2   GhostWriter bang

      …which, upon afterthought, is not at all like, “he who smelt it, dealt it” unless one of the parties craps their pants.

      Jun 3, 2010 at 12:45 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #21.3   mamason bang

      … which, after 5 or 6 pitchers, is highly likely.

      Jun 3, 2010 at 1:37 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #21.4   Splint Chesthair

      It’s exactly like “he who smelt it, dealt it” , people who are always pointing out the cheapness of others and the ones who are always keeping track, and thusly the ones are actually the cheap ones. My friends and I never kept track of who owed what. We bought drinks for each other based on our collective money totals.

      Jun 4, 2010 at 6:38 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #21.5   Rubber Chicken

      Well, come on now. Do you have any idea how hard it is to say “Hey, Alex, you wanna get the next round?” It’s impossible I tells ya. So much easier to write a PAN on some cash.

      Jun 4, 2010 at 8:23 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #22   GhostWriter bang

    I do love me a fresh $20 Hamburger

    The speed at which Alex consumed it determines how much he owes his roommate.

    Jun 3, 2010 at 9:11 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #23   Terminal

    Reason #457 I’m glad I’m married and don’t have to deal with roommates anymore.

    Jun 3, 2010 at 9:50 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #23.1   Rubber Chicken

      What are the other 456?

      Jun 3, 2010 at 12:31 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #23.2   Neeners

      That is the real reason people get married!!

      Jun 3, 2010 at 7:20 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #24   GhostWriter bang

    What is a hydro bill? Are you running your appliances off of a cold fusion generator?

    Jun 3, 2010 at 12:56 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

    • #24.1   The Elf

      Hydroponics. That equipment is expensive!

      Jun 3, 2010 at 1:19 pm   rating: 16  small thumbs up

       
    • #24.2   mamason bang

      Grows the best weed, though!

      Jun 3, 2010 at 1:38 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #24.3   park rose

      That shit is expensive! (can be).

      Jun 3, 2010 at 10:46 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #25   xindi

    It looks like the roommate didn’t have enough space to write what he wanted to say…. Alex should be gracious enough to accept a few more 20′s of rage off his hands….

    Jun 3, 2010 at 2:11 pm   rating: 12  small thumbs up

    • #25.1   Neeners

      Or Alex should pop him in the mouth out of the blue for being ignorant enough to write it instead of saying it to his face but then…..what would we have to make fun of???

      Jun 3, 2010 at 7:21 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #26   anonymous public

    I’m actually going to say that Alex sounds like a jerk and by virtue of them living together this note was much less PA than one would think- the act in itself is forward, aggressive, and respectable. Alex’s sending this note in kind of shows he’s a bit of a punk too.

    Jun 3, 2010 at 3:58 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #27   Pers

    Hydro bill = Canadian for electricity bill, eh?

    Jun 4, 2010 at 10:24 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
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    Jun 8, 2010 at 3:59 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
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    Jun 8, 2010 at 4:01 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
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