Does your roommate have note-writing diarrhea?

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Does your roommate have note-writing diarrhea?

June 7th, 2010 · 59 comments

Our anonymous submitter in Berkeley found this display in the bathroom she shares with her other roommates. “I hasten to add that the Imodium is not mine and the note is not directed at me,” she says. “Admittedly, the probable owner of said Imodium does need to get her shit together.”

So…perhaps the Vaseline was intended to help the the note-writing roommate metaphorically remove the stick up her ass?

related: (Untitled) Broken Glass

FILED UNDER: bathroom · Berkeley · p.s. · roommates

59 responses so far ↓

#1 brewer1056

Primero! Heh. Seriously, covered in Vaseline? I think I know where the runs are coming from…

Jun 7, 2010 at 6:05 pm rating: 5

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- #1.1 Escape Goat
  
  I prefer sloppy segundos.
  
  Jun 7, 2010 at 10:48 pm rating: 3
- #1.2 H for Toy
  
  Maybe she only assumed it was Vaseline.
  
  Jun 8, 2010 at 7:11 am rating: 7
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#2 SB

Bleh. A real happy-house, that one. Even someone needing to get her shit together doesn’t deserve such a harpy for a roommate.

Jun 7, 2010 at 6:07 pm rating: 24

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- #2.1 TheOldSchool
  
  Am I to gather from this note that Imodium does not work for diarrhea?
  
  Yet another one of my most cherished beliefs is getting blasted into the toilet.
  
  Jun 7, 2010 at 11:17 pm rating: 8
- #2.2 infant tyrone
  
  I get the impression that it works on the real thing,
  but not for the metaphorical version.
  According to my synthetic reading of a grammar book and trusty PDR, reliable therapy for metaphorical diarrhea involves, like, Similac.
  
  Jun 8, 2010 at 5:09 am rating: 4
- #2.3 clumber
  
  Sadly, as a placebo it may indeed have worked for the metaphorical as well… until the notewriter ruined it by bringing the healing effects into question. Another placebo success ruined.
  
  Jun 8, 2010 at 8:07 am rating: 8
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#3 farcical aquatic ceremony

I would call the notewriter a smartass, but apparently she elected to grasp and stroke the surfaces of a bottle last handled by someone who was producing fecal mist, so, no, not such a smartass…

Jun 7, 2010 at 7:07 pm rating: 31

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- #3.1 Scribbles the Monkey
  
  Yes, what is up with that? She was apparently fondling and teasing the bottle when she thought it might be covered in vaseline, eh? Then she confirmed her suspicion by smelling and licking it, I guess?
  
  Jun 8, 2010 at 12:14 pm rating: 5
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#4 shwonline

You know what does work great for getting your shit together? Dung beetles.

Jun 7, 2010 at 7:10 pm rating: 42

reply to this comment
- #4.1 farcical aquatic ceremony
  
  …colostomy bags…
  
  Jun 7, 2010 at 7:42 pm rating: 13
- #4.2 Canthz_B
  
  …a coming out party…
  
  Jun 8, 2010 at 1:44 am rating: 4
- #4.3 jayskinner70
  
  a centrifuge?
  
  Jun 8, 2010 at 7:21 am rating: 11
- #4.4 Mo®
  
  To get your poop in a group I suggest better aim.
  
  Jun 8, 2010 at 10:28 am rating: 7
- #4.5 infant tyrone
  
  On the don’t bother list…BP’s Top Kill & Junk Shot*.
  
  *Although Wm. Burroughs’ claim that heroin addicts
  (and narcotic users in general) do not suffer from diarrhea
  may make “a shot of junk” worth a try if you don’t have
  an Immodium pusher in your neighborhood.
  
  Jun 8, 2010 at 2:08 pm rating: 0
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#5 UnclGhost

Wow, hopefully that was just sitting on the counter and the PAN-writer wasn’t just rummaging around in the medicine cabinet for things to use as a basis for a PAN.

Jun 7, 2010 at 7:21 pm rating: 6

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- #5.1 Bunnee
  
  Hopefully, she did rummage around and find that as a basis for a PAN! That would make it MUCH more hilarious!
  
  Jun 7, 2010 at 7:45 pm rating: 8
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#6 Quite Contrary

I don’t think this roommate relationship will last beyond whoever gets kicked out or evicted.

Jun 7, 2010 at 7:41 pm rating: 5

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#7 Bunnee

Someone’s bathroom is gonna’ get diiiirty tonight, after reading that note!

Jun 7, 2010 at 7:46 pm rating: 6

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#8 Walker, "Tex" (a stranger)

The vaseline is the metaphor. Getting your shit together is a slippery business.

Jun 7, 2010 at 8:32 pm rating: 9

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- #8.1 infant tyrone
  
  Y= ~~immodiu~~mX + b ??
  
  itsbe: Thanks to someone…Mr. or Ms. X, whoever you are.
  Yay, Mark ! E unibus pluram.
  
  Jun 8, 2010 at 1:20 am rating: 1
- #8.2 Mark
  
  Rise / the runs.
  
  Jun 8, 2010 at 9:15 am rating: 8
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#9 damon

Ohhh…Berkeley. Yeah…that explains a lot.

Jun 7, 2010 at 8:41 pm rating: 5

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#10 Escape Goat

Only didactic assholes add an aside such as metaphorically. blah blah blah metaphorically, blah blah blah literally. Geez, Teach, did you want to add some quote fingers, too? Or would I not “get it,” “so to speak”?

Jun 7, 2010 at 10:46 pm rating: 5

reply to this comment
- #10.1 clumber
  
  oooh! oooh! Is this where we break out the jazz ~~hands~~ hooves?
  
  Jun 8, 2010 at 8:09 am rating: 4
- #10.2 Escape Goat
  
  huh?
  
  Jun 8, 2010 at 8:37 am rating: 0
- #10.3 TheOldSchool
  
  Nah…. Let’s swing with the jizz hoovers.
  
  Jun 8, 2010 at 10:17 am rating: 5
- #10.4 The Elf
  
  Would the vaseline be useful for slipping some quote fingers into those didactic assholes? You know, metaphorically?
  
  Jun 8, 2010 at 11:27 am rating: 13
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#11 Xenobiologista

The Imodium is to help people who are uncontrollably shitting out notepaper after having it rammed up their ass by #2 from yesterday.

Jun 8, 2010 at 1:24 am rating: 14

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- #11.1 infant tyrone
  
  …and since another roomie used up all of the Neosporin under the mistaken impression it was an extract of psychoactive mushrooms,
  the Vaseline is the only available salve for those pesky paper cuts.
  
  * Does this scenario take the Burroughs/Gysin Cut Up Method down to an atomic level like scatological alphabet soup ? or post-Post Alpha Bits ?
  
  Jun 8, 2010 at 2:53 am rating: 0
- #11.2 TheOldSchool
  
  It’s another shitty day at Camp Coprophilia!
  
  Jun 8, 2010 at 10:22 am rating: 6
- #11.3 infant tyrone
  
  But if they schedule a late-night showing of Pink Flamingos,
  at the end it could very possibly turn out to be Divine.
  
  Jun 8, 2010 at 1:34 pm rating: 0
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#12 Wallace

Ah, even with such a blatant clue, little miss note writer’s missed the point. Pissed off house sharer chooses the irritating target, buys immodium, leaves it on display but unopenable thanks to a lick of Vaseline. Now for part two; the laxatives in the most probably over – labelled food intge fridge. Harpy revenge.

Jun 8, 2010 at 1:31 am rating: 12

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#13 Canthz_B

There’s a great possibility this feud will run for a while.
A real Super Bowl!!
Oh, there will be movements towards reconciliation, but they will be irregular in nature as roommate number one and roommate number two play fast and loose with the rules, placing notes everywhere from the rooftop to the bowels of the building.
Yup, they’re really on a roll.

Jun 8, 2010 at 1:56 am rating: 10

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#14 Splint Chesthair

I’ve never had a problem with roommates I didn’t get along with. I’ve always had a gym membership and my schedule was getting up early and to the gym. Shower at gym and then find stuff to do until it’s time to get back home and go to bed. Make sure bedroom is locked. As a bonus, no one asks you to clean up because you’re never there.

Jun 8, 2010 at 6:39 am rating: 4

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- #14.1 H for Toy
  
  no one asks you to clean up because you’re never there
  
  You got lucky. Have you read some of the notes in here? Better be careful or someone’s gonna come in and lecture you about how dust is dead skin cells blah blah unless you are skinless blah blah that’s not excuse blah blah blah you lazy mother blah.
  
  Jun 8, 2010 at 7:06 am rating: 9
- #14.2 Splint Chesthair
  
  Oh, I’m sure there are people that would do that. To be fair, I don’t talk much and more than few people that I’ve gotten to know have mentioned that I come off as unapproachable. That may have a lot to do with it.
  
  Jun 8, 2010 at 7:31 am rating: 1
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#15 Becca

Oh wow… Yet another reason why I’m so glad I stopped house-sharing after my first year of uni!

Jun 8, 2010 at 7:17 am rating: 1

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- #15.1 clumber
  
  …-tard?
  …-cycle?
  …-versity?
  …-corn?
  …-ty?
  …-tarianism?
  
  damn insolent Americans
  
  Jun 8, 2010 at 8:13 am rating: 9
- #15.2 Canthz_B
  
  Um…I’m not sure “uni” came from an insolent American. Not one in my neck of the woods anyway.
  
  We tend to say “school” or “college”, not “uni”. Just saying…do you have a uni-brow?
  
  Might want to check with the Aussies…I’ve seen that come from there around here…but I’m not the worldliest guy around here.
  
  Jun 8, 2010 at 8:41 am rating: 1
- #15.3 clumber
  
  Hey – I’m an insolent American! I was just answering for Becca b/c I am helpful that way.
  
  Heritage-wise I am 25% Aussie though, if that helps?
  
  Jun 8, 2010 at 8:55 am rating: 4
- #15.4 Canthz_B
  
  Sarcasm is so hard to read on a page (still not sure what Becca had to answer for in the first place. Or did you mean “responding to”?)…live long and prosper.
  
  Jun 8, 2010 at 8:58 am rating: 0
- #15.5 H for Toy
  
  You forgot
  
  …-versal
  …-lateral and
  …-boob
  
  Jun 8, 2010 at 10:24 am rating: 4
- #15.6 infant tyrone
  
  And
  -fried field theory
  
  Which drove King Darius to exclaim “Damn insolent Scythians!”
  
  And the incorrect understanding of which explains why Sherman Cigaretellos are tough to find anywhere in the South,
  especially Georgia, where retailers refuse to stock “Damn Yankees”.
  
  Jun 8, 2010 at 1:56 pm rating: 1
- #15.7 Clumber
  
  H for Toy! – nah, i didn’t forget. Just not very creative and a tendency to not complete my thoug
  
  Jun 9, 2010 at 8:08 am rating: 2
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#16 Party in my pants

I can’t believe no one has noticed or commented on how dirty and nasty the sink looks.

Jun 8, 2010 at 7:33 am rating: 4

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- #16.1 clumber
  
  PimP is buying all the rounds tonight! W00t!
  
  Jun 8, 2010 at 8:11 am rating: 2
- #16.2 Canthz_B
  
  “WOOT”? Now there's the Queen's English for ya!
  
  “Woot the fok have you done now, Charles? The tabloids are flying oof the presses!!”
  
  Yeah, something the Queen might be expected to say alright.
  
  Jun 8, 2010 at 8:48 am rating: 4
- #16.3 clumber
  
  ya’ think she speaks directly to Charles still or does she have minions for that?
  
  Jun 8, 2010 at 8:57 am rating: 2
- #16.4 Scribbles the Monkey
  
  With very little ado, may I present the Queen’s Tale:
  
  Masculine, feminine, neuter.
  I went for a ride on my scooter–
  
  I ran into the Queen and said “I’m sorry, old bean,
  I forgot to ‘toot-toot’ on my ‘tooter’!”
  
  Jun 8, 2010 at 12:21 pm rating: 2
- #16.5 Angela
  
  Can’t you see they have bigger problems to deal with?!
  
  Jun 9, 2010 at 12:46 pm rating: 0
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#17 texonza

Wait, the entire bottle is a suppository?
I’ve been using this stuff wrong.

Jun 8, 2010 at 8:32 am rating: 21

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- #17.1 Mo®
  
  DOH! Nice one Tex you beat me to it!
  
  Jun 8, 2010 at 10:32 am rating: 2
- #17.2 TheOldSchool
  
  Just make sure that you don’t put it in sideways.
  
  No one likes seeing “visible Imodium suppository bottles inserted sideways bumps” on the butts of others.
  
  Jun 8, 2010 at 10:46 am rating: 6
- #17.3 infant tyrone
  
  Leave the cap on but slightly ajar if you want timed-release action.
  
  Jun 8, 2010 at 1:40 pm rating: 5
- #17.4 Gandalf
  
  Either way, the problem’s solved.
  
  Jun 8, 2010 at 2:41 pm rating: 4
- #17.5 Canthz_B
  
  That’s what they call “plugging away at the problem”.
  
  Jun 9, 2010 at 8:32 am rating: 1
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#18 Don’t touch my…stuff, you little piece of…stuff. | PassiveAggressiveNotes.com

[...] Does your roommate have note-writing diarrhea? Share0mail [...]

Sep 6, 2010 at 10:31 pm rating: 0

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#19 Dear coworkers: I’m sending this e-mail while sitting on the john! Just thought you’d want to know. | PassiveAggressiveNotes.com

[...] related: Does your roommate have note-writing diarrhea? [...]

May 3, 2011 at 4:13 pm rating: 0

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