Does your roommate have note-writing diarrhea?

June 7th, 2010 · 59 comments

Our anonymous submitter in Berkeley found this display in the bathroom she shares with her other roommates. “I hasten to add that the Imodium is not mine and the note is not directed at me,” she says. “Admittedly, the probable owner of said Imodium does need to get her shit together.”

So…perhaps the Vaseline was intended to help the the note-writing roommate metaphorically remove the stick up her ass?

Perhaps the Vaseline was for metaphorically removing the stick from your ass?

related: (Untitled) Broken Glass

FILED UNDER: bathroom · Berkeley · p.s. · roommates


59 responses so far ↓

  • #1   brewer1056

    Primero! Heh. Seriously, covered in Vaseline? I think I know where the runs are coming from…

    Jun 7, 2010 at 6:05 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #1.1   Escape Goat

      I prefer sloppy segundos.

      Jun 7, 2010 at 10:48 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.2   H for Toy bang

      Maybe she only assumed it was Vaseline.

      Jun 8, 2010 at 7:11 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #2   SB

    Bleh. A real happy-house, that one. Even someone needing to get her shit together doesn’t deserve such a harpy for a roommate.

    Jun 7, 2010 at 6:07 pm   rating: 22  small thumbs up

    • #2.1   TheOldSchool bang

      Am I to gather from this note that Imodium does not work for diarrhea?

      Yet another one of my most cherished beliefs is getting blasted into the toilet.

      Jun 7, 2010 at 11:17 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.2   infant tyrone bang

      I get the impression that it works on the real thing,
      but not for the metaphorical version.
      According to my synthetic reading of a grammar book and trusty PDR, reliable therapy for metaphorical diarrhea involves, like, Similac.

      Jun 8, 2010 at 5:09 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.3   clumber

      Sadly, as a placebo it may indeed have worked for the metaphorical as well… until the notewriter ruined it by bringing the healing effects into question. Another placebo success ruined.

      Jun 8, 2010 at 8:07 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #3   farcical aquatic ceremony

    I would call the notewriter a smartass, but apparently she elected to grasp and stroke the surfaces of a bottle last handled by someone who was producing fecal mist, so, no, not such a smartass…

    Jun 7, 2010 at 7:07 pm   rating: 29  small thumbs up

    • #3.1   Scribbles the Monkey bang

      Yes, what is up with that? She was apparently fondling and teasing the bottle when she thought it might be covered in vaseline, eh? Then she confirmed her suspicion by smelling and licking it, I guess?

      Jun 8, 2010 at 12:14 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #4   shwonline bang

    You know what does work great for getting your shit together? Dung beetles.

    Jun 7, 2010 at 7:10 pm   rating: 40  small thumbs up

    • #4.1   farcical aquatic ceremony

      …colostomy bags…

      Jun 7, 2010 at 7:42 pm   rating: 11  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.2   Canthz_B bang

      …a coming out party…

      Jun 8, 2010 at 1:44 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.3   jayskinner70

      a centrifuge?

      Jun 8, 2010 at 7:21 am   rating: 11  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.4   Mo® bang

      To get your poop in a group I suggest better aim.

      Jun 8, 2010 at 10:28 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.5   infant tyrone bang

      On the don’t bother list…BP’s Top Kill & Junk Shot*.

      *Although Wm. Burroughs’ claim that heroin addicts
      (and narcotic users in general) do not suffer from diarrhea
      may make “a shot of junk” worth a try if you don’t have
      an Immodium pusher in your neighborhood.

      Jun 8, 2010 at 2:08 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #5   UnclGhost

    Wow, hopefully that was just sitting on the counter and the PAN-writer wasn’t just rummaging around in the medicine cabinet for things to use as a basis for a PAN.

    Jun 7, 2010 at 7:21 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #5.1   Bunnee

      Hopefully, she did rummage around and find that as a basis for a PAN! That would make it MUCH more hilarious!

      Jun 7, 2010 at 7:45 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #6   Quite Contrary

    I don’t think this roommate relationship will last beyond whoever gets kicked out or evicted.

    Jun 7, 2010 at 7:41 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

     
  • #7   Bunnee

    Someone’s bathroom is gonna’ get diiiirty tonight, after reading that note!

    Jun 7, 2010 at 7:46 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

     
  • #8   Walker, "Tex" (a stranger) bang

    The vaseline is the metaphor. Getting your shit together is a slippery business.

    Jun 7, 2010 at 8:32 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

    • #8.1   infant tyrone bang

      Y= immodiumX + b ??

      itsbe: Thanks to someone…Mr. or Ms. X, whoever you are.
      Yay, Mark ! E unibus pluram.

      Jun 8, 2010 at 1:20 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.2   Mark bang

      Rise / the runs.

      Jun 8, 2010 at 9:15 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #9   damon

    Ohhh…Berkeley. Yeah…that explains a lot.

    Jun 7, 2010 at 8:41 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

     
  • #10   Escape Goat

    Only didactic assholes add an aside such as metaphorically. blah blah blah metaphorically, blah blah blah literally. Geez, Teach, did you want to add some quote fingers, too? Or would I not “get it,” “so to speak”?

    Jun 7, 2010 at 10:46 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #10.1   clumber

      oooh! oooh! Is this where we break out the jazz hands hooves?

      Jun 8, 2010 at 8:09 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #10.2   Escape Goat

      huh?

      Jun 8, 2010 at 8:37 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #10.3   TheOldSchool bang

      Nah…. Let’s swing with the jizz hoovers.

      Jun 8, 2010 at 10:17 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #10.4   The Elf

      Would the vaseline be useful for slipping some quote fingers into those didactic assholes? You know, metaphorically?

      Jun 8, 2010 at 11:27 am   rating: 13  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #11   Xenobiologista

    The Imodium is to help people who are uncontrollably shitting out notepaper after having it rammed up their ass by #2 from yesterday.

    Jun 8, 2010 at 1:24 am   rating: 14  small thumbs up

    • #11.1   infant tyrone bang

      …and since another roomie used up all of the Neosporin under the mistaken impression it was an extract of psychoactive mushrooms,
      the Vaseline is the only available salve for those pesky paper cuts.

      * Does this scenario take the Burroughs/Gysin Cut Up Method down to an atomic level like scatological alphabet soup ? or post-Post Alpha Bits ?

      Jun 8, 2010 at 2:53 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #11.2   TheOldSchool bang

      It’s another shitty day at Camp Coprophilia!

      Jun 8, 2010 at 10:22 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #11.3   infant tyrone bang

      But if they schedule a late-night showing of Pink Flamingos,
      at the end it could very possibly turn out to be Divine.

      Jun 8, 2010 at 1:34 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #12   Wallace

    Ah, even with such a blatant clue, little miss note writer’s missed the point. Pissed off house sharer chooses the irritating target, buys immodium, leaves it on display but unopenable thanks to a lick of Vaseline. Now for part two; the laxatives in the most probably over – labelled food intge fridge. Harpy revenge.

    Jun 8, 2010 at 1:31 am   rating: 12  small thumbs up

     
  • #13   Canthz_B bang

    There’s a great possibility this feud will run for a while.
    A real Super Bowl!!
    Oh, there will be movements towards reconciliation, but they will be irregular in nature as roommate number one and roommate number two play fast and loose with the rules, placing notes everywhere from the rooftop to the bowels of the building.
    Yup, they’re really on a roll.

    Jun 8, 2010 at 1:56 am   rating: 10  small thumbs up

     
  • #14   Splint Chesthair

    I’ve never had a problem with roommates I didn’t get along with. I’ve always had a gym membership and my schedule was getting up early and to the gym. Shower at gym and then find stuff to do until it’s time to get back home and go to bed. Make sure bedroom is locked. As a bonus, no one asks you to clean up because you’re never there.

    Jun 8, 2010 at 6:39 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #14.1   H for Toy bang

      no one asks you to clean up because you’re never there

      You got lucky. Have you read some of the notes in here? Better be careful or someone’s gonna come in and lecture you about how dust is dead skin cells blah blah unless you are skinless blah blah that’s not excuse blah blah blah you lazy mother blah. ;)

      Jun 8, 2010 at 7:06 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.2   Splint Chesthair

      Oh, I’m sure there are people that would do that. To be fair, I don’t talk much and more than few people that I’ve gotten to know have mentioned that I come off as unapproachable. That may have a lot to do with it.

      Jun 8, 2010 at 7:31 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #15   Becca

    Oh wow… Yet another reason why I’m so glad I stopped house-sharing after my first year of uni!

    Jun 8, 2010 at 7:17 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #15.1   clumber

      …-tard?
      …-cycle?
      …-versity?
      …-corn?
      …-ty?
      …-tarianism?

      damn insolent Americans

      Jun 8, 2010 at 8:13 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

       
    • #15.2   Canthz_B bang

      Um…I’m not sure “uni” came from an insolent American. Not one in my neck of the woods anyway.

      We tend to say “school” or “college”, not “uni”. Just saying…do you have a uni-brow?

      Might want to check with the Aussies…I’ve seen that come from there around here…but I’m not the worldliest guy around here. ;-)

      Jun 8, 2010 at 8:41 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #15.3   clumber

      Hey – I’m an insolent American! I was just answering for Becca b/c I am helpful that way.

      Heritage-wise I am 25% Aussie though, if that helps?

      Jun 8, 2010 at 8:55 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #15.4   Canthz_B bang

      Sarcasm is so hard to read on a page (still not sure what Becca had to answer for in the first place. Or did you mean “responding to”?)…live long and prosper. ;-)

      Jun 8, 2010 at 8:58 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #15.5   H for Toy bang

      You forgot

      …-versal
      …-lateral and
      …-boob

      Jun 8, 2010 at 10:24 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #15.6   infant tyrone bang

      And
      -fried field theory

      Which drove King Darius to exclaim “Damn insolent Scythians!”

      And the incorrect understanding of which explains why Sherman Cigaretellos are tough to find anywhere in the South,
      especially Georgia, where retailers refuse to stock “Damn Yankees”.

      Jun 8, 2010 at 1:56 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #15.7   Clumber

      H for Toy! – nah, i didn’t forget. Just not very creative and a tendency to not complete my thoug

      Jun 9, 2010 at 8:08 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #16   Party in my pants

    I can’t believe no one has noticed or commented on how dirty and nasty the sink looks.

    Jun 8, 2010 at 7:33 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #16.1   clumber

      PimP is buying all the rounds tonight! W00t!

      Jun 8, 2010 at 8:11 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #16.2   Canthz_B bang

      “WOOT”? Now there's the Queen's English for ya!

      “Woot the fok have you done now, Charles? The tabloids are flying oof the presses!!”

      Yeah, something the Queen might be expected to say alright. ;-)

      Jun 8, 2010 at 8:48 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #16.3   clumber

      ya’ think she speaks directly to Charles still or does she have minions for that?

      Jun 8, 2010 at 8:57 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #16.4   Scribbles the Monkey bang

      With very little ado, may I present the Queen’s Tale:

      Masculine, feminine, neuter.
      I went for a ride on my scooter–

      I ran into the Queen and said “I’m sorry, old bean,
      I forgot to ‘toot-toot’ on my ‘tooter’!”

      Jun 8, 2010 at 12:21 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #16.5   Angela

      Can’t you see they have bigger problems to deal with?!

      Jun 9, 2010 at 12:46 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #17   texonza

    Wait, the entire bottle is a suppository?
    I’ve been using this stuff wrong.

    Jun 8, 2010 at 8:32 am   rating: 21  small thumbs up

    • #17.1   Mo® bang

      DOH! Nice one Tex you beat me to it!

      Jun 8, 2010 at 10:32 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #17.2   TheOldSchool bang

      Just make sure that you don’t put it in sideways.

      No one likes seeing “visible Imodium suppository bottles inserted sideways bumps” on the butts of others.

      Jun 8, 2010 at 10:46 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #17.3   infant tyrone bang

      Leave the cap on but slightly ajar if you want timed-release action.

      Jun 8, 2010 at 1:40 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #17.4   Gandalf

      Either way, the problem’s solved.

      Jun 8, 2010 at 2:41 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #17.5   Canthz_B bang

      That’s what they call “plugging away at the problem”.

      Jun 9, 2010 at 8:32 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
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