Where’s the button for Floor 3.14?

June 9th, 2010 · 85 comments

Remember: the laws of physics are not to be trifled with. Got that, Pigs Boson?

The pigs Female and male that pi on the Elevator we know who they are. Next time we are taking the police to your house.  Super

Due to the countless people hopping the moment the elevator car stops, we have found it is necessary to install new elevators.  While work is in progress, please remind yourselves that the laws of physics are not to be trifled with, and please use the other two fully functioning elevators.

(Thanks to Luciel in the Bronx and Gina in Wisconsin for their submissions!)

related: Cross-country elevator action

FILED UNDER: elevator · piss · spelling and grammar police · the po-po


85 responses so far ↓

  • #1   Angela

    I had to reread that note like 4 times. I could not figure out why in the world they would call the police on someone for practicing a mathematical theory on an elevator. I was really wondering if there are laws against that! I got it now, though.

    Jun 9, 2010 at 5:08 pm   rating: 27  small thumbs up

    • #1.1   Yikes...

      Perhaps they were hoofing? Maybe that’s why the police are involved. Illegal use of limbs.

      Jun 9, 2010 at 6:14 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #2   infant tyrone bang

    This vicious circle repeats sadly in impoverished neighborhoods
    where the cops can’t even afford patrol cars.

    Little pigs (and kids, too) try to educate themselves away by embracing the radiances of mathematics, only to be reeled in by authority figures who overreach their ambit.

    Jun 9, 2010 at 5:34 pm   rating: 13  small thumbs up

     
  • #3   wheezeew

    Yes, making pies on an elevator is just wrong. But not as wrong as flaming towels.

    Jun 9, 2010 at 5:35 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #3.1   Neeners

      mmmmmmm……trifle, so yummy! I like mine with lots of strawberries and whip cream in it!!! I have never had any in an elevator though.

      Jun 9, 2010 at 8:20 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.2   infant tyrone bang

      If you push/pull the red Stop button, you should have enough time and privacy to get some before maintenance does a manual recall/override.

      Getting whipped cream involved might be pushing your luck though.

      Jun 9, 2010 at 9:37 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #4   HandyMarigolds

    The sentence structure on the super’s note makes me wonder if it was originally composed in another language, and then hastily translated via Babelfish.

    If I’m right, that just makes the hand-lettered, duct-taped construction even more badass.

    Jun 9, 2010 at 5:55 pm   rating: 19  small thumbs up

    • #4.1   farcical aquatic ceremony

      I’m enjoying the thought that the seemingly superfluous use of duct tape could = a subtle threat to use the rest of the roll to seal up the pi-holes of the offenders should they persist in their piglike piddling.

      Jun 9, 2010 at 7:29 pm   rating: 22  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.2   HandyMarigolds

      You’re totally right, now that I think of it.

      It’s like when your stalker leaves a note on your window sill and secures it in place with a bloody dagger. Concrete-threat stationery.

      Jun 10, 2010 at 9:40 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.3   Weewy?

      Yeah my stalker does that frequently. Blood tests found that it was pig blood. Male and female ;D

      Jun 10, 2010 at 4:49 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #5   thrall bang

    Pee, pi, po, pum. I smell….

    Jun 9, 2010 at 5:58 pm   rating: 14  small thumbs up

    • #5.1   HandyMarigolds

      Exactly! If you don’t wanna take the acrid elevator, there’s always the beanstalk option.

      Jun 9, 2010 at 6:02 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
    • #5.2   thrall bang

      Heh. Beans. Heh.

      Jun 9, 2010 at 6:10 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #5.3   park rose bang

      Good point, H-M, but then there’s the problem with the Jack-off.

      Jun 9, 2010 at 6:14 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

       
    • #5.4   infant tyrone bang

      Jack wanna nail the dismount.
      Jack’s Jimnastic.
      Jack be nimble…Jack be quick.
      Jack jump over a candlestick…ouch!
      Jack curse the darkness.

      Nursery giants rule ! Jill out…

      Jun 9, 2010 at 6:35 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #5.5   Woman on the Verge bang

      I am Jack’s annoying mathematical equation.

      Jun 10, 2010 at 7:12 am   rating: 15  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #6   infant tyrone bang

    If Radisson would use elevator music more like Bowie’s Space Oddity and less like The Dovells’ Bristol Stomp or Danny and The Juniors’ At the Hop
    …well, just do the math.

    Smokey, this is not Nam. This is time travel. There are rules.

    Jun 9, 2010 at 6:01 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #6.1   Mark bang

      Mark it 8-o’clock.

      You were over the timeline! Mark it zero!

      Jun 9, 2010 at 6:11 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.2   infant tyrone bang

      Hey, Vern ?
      20,000 league games under the ?

      Jun 9, 2010 at 6:47 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.3   Neeners

      Who are these nameless throngs of people who feel the need to jump the second the elevator stops? Is this some club I don’t know about?

      It must be a real problem, enough so that a ‘special’ sign was made, a high quality sign at that!!! No handwritten crappy cheap notes here, no way. Brass tacks all the way you’ll notice.

      Jun 9, 2010 at 8:23 pm   rating: 20  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.4   HandyMarigolds

      Still a ragged right margin, though.

      I always thought the point was to jump as a descending elevator starts moving. You get that neat extra second or two in the air and all the adrenaline that goes with it.

      Jun 10, 2010 at 9:42 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.5   Weewy?

      It is the point. Whats your point?

      Really though, for some reason I thought the same. That they were jumping as the car stopped ascending : )

      Though technically, it could work both ways. Timing is key!

      Jun 10, 2010 at 4:55 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #7   We will speak anon

    They’re taking the police to my house? Super!

    Jun 9, 2010 at 6:02 pm   rating: 16  small thumbs up

    • #7.1   HandyMarigolds

      Agreed. I love blond guys.

      Jun 9, 2010 at 6:03 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.2   infant tyrone bang

      Careful, it could be a sting operation.

      Jun 9, 2010 at 6:09 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.3   Zsa

      That is totally how I read it too. Super!
      We know who they are – you cannot escape!

      Jun 9, 2010 at 8:01 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.4   Weewy?

      @Zsa: YAY!

      Jun 10, 2010 at 4:56 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.5   Mace Elaine

      Are the police coming for dinner? Are you driving them there?

      Jun 11, 2010 at 2:35 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.6   HandyMarigolds

      Man, now I want donuts.

      Jun 11, 2010 at 4:08 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.7   Dara

      There are no donuts. We are eating pi.

      Jun 11, 2010 at 6:32 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.8   infant tyrone bang

      Then don’t count on the cops showing…
      Although Agent Cooper might drop by for some pi.

      Jun 11, 2010 at 6:59 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #8   Taz

    The Radisson had that sign *engraved*. Wow.

    Jun 9, 2010 at 6:11 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

     
  • #9   park rose bang

    Calling the pigs on the pigs? Oh, the absurdity.

    Jun 9, 2010 at 6:15 pm   rating: 21  small thumbs up

    • #9.1   infant tyrone bang

      Internal Affairs…it’s not just about Sybil’s self-love anymore.

      Jun 9, 2010 at 6:20 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #10   park rose bang

    Lex Luthor, I’ve got your number. 3.14.
    Super.

    Jun 9, 2010 at 6:16 pm   rating: 12  small thumbs up

    • #10.1   infant tyrone bang

      Or I thought I had it.
      Gosh darn it, it’s round here somewhere…

      Jun 9, 2010 at 6:29 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #11   infant tyrone bang

    OK, for all da Higgs boson fans…it first shows up at 2:43…
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j50ZssEojtM&playnext_from=TL&videos=N5TlbIwt6Ww

    Jun 9, 2010 at 6:16 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #12   debkatz

    So, the Radisson attracts the type of people who trifle with the laws of physics? What an interesting lobby they must have…people who levitate…parallel universes…hoppers abounding. Book my room NOW!

    Jun 9, 2010 at 6:20 pm   rating: 23  small thumbs up

    • #12.1   Clumber

      Oh noes, Debkatz! The Radisson had you down for last Thursday and you were a no-show! Your no-cancellation fee will be withdrawn at some time in the past, unless you can go back BEFORE last Thursday and either cancel or show up.

      Goodness what a confusing bookings ledger they must have to keep….

      *note: firefox’s spellcheck insists that instead of Radisson I must mean Dissonant. Clearly there is something to this….

      Jun 10, 2010 at 7:58 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.2   Kimberly

      I used to work at a Radisson. You could people watch for DAYS in our lobby. I wouldn’t put it past a single one of the “locals” that liked to hang out in our lobby to trifle with physics. Freaks, all of them.

      Jun 10, 2010 at 9:17 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.3   infant tyrone bang

      Those locals might have just been trying to conserve energy.
      Or trying to see if a stitch in time saves…Nein!
      Or so it seams.

      Jun 10, 2010 at 5:06 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #13   Vanessa

    Oh come on! All those highs schoolers on class trips HAVE to hop the moment the elevator stops! It’s a rite of passage and I have great memories trifling with the laws of physics.

    Jun 9, 2010 at 6:44 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #13.1   Xenobiologista

      I can understand why that might break an elevator (and cause the hotels to get pissed off because they probably cost thousands of $ to replace or fix), but I don’t understand why hop? What does it do for the passengers?

      Jun 9, 2010 at 8:42 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #13.2   infant tyrone bang

      Those who know don’t say…those who say don’t know.

      Jun 9, 2010 at 9:44 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #14   farcical aquatic ceremony

    I don’t get it–why does the super need to wait til “next time”? ‘Cause once someone starts to pi…

    Jun 9, 2010 at 7:23 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

    • #14.1   Neeners

      And how does the super know the pee is coming from male and female pigs? I guess the pee must be strategically placed in order for that assumption to be made.

      Jun 9, 2010 at 8:34 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.2   Rubber Chicken

      Either that or he’s got one hell of a nose.

      Jun 10, 2010 at 1:26 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #15   Neeners

    #1-
    Those pigs are geniuses- I don’t know and have not heard of any others who know what pi is …….
    (psst it’s > > 3.141592653589793238462643383279…)

    Well you can go on indefinitely right? Ask just about any human and you’ll only get three decimal places!!

    Jun 9, 2010 at 8:09 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #16   Neeners

    Is there a special unit with the police that takes care of pigs? Wait I thought the police were called “pigs” by some…. this is confusing!!

    Jun 9, 2010 at 8:13 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #17   Zoe

    OMG, who pees on an elevator? And who “hops” on an elevator? And why? I don’t think I’ve ever seen anybody hop (or pee)…is that common elevator behaviour?

    Jun 9, 2010 at 8:14 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #17.1   Neeners

      I enjoy both hopping and peeing at the same time on elevators but at times I just pee as I hop onto the elevator.

      Jun 9, 2010 at 8:29 pm   rating: 13  small thumbs up

       
    • #17.2   Canthz_B bang

      Zoe, I haven’t done this in many years, but if you hop up just before a rising elevator stops, you keep moving at the speed the elevator was carrying you upward.
      Gives the kind of weightlessness feeling of being in free-fall.

      In dance halls it’s called doing the Newtonian Hop!

      Jun 10, 2010 at 2:36 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #17.3   park rose

      Gives you a real lift ;)

      Jun 10, 2010 at 3:10 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #17.4   Woman on the Verge bang

      Sort of an anti-gravity test. My kids LOVE to do this. But we weren’t in that Radisson or anything… really. I promise. *slinks away*

      Jun 10, 2010 at 1:37 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #17.5   infant tyrone bang

      CB,
      Tried that…slipped the surly bonds of earth and all.
      Different strokes and to each their own, etc…but I don’t care a Fig for it, the Newton Hop.

      Jun 10, 2010 at 5:16 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #17.6   infant tyrone bang

      Not that you need any, but…
      If you have more than enough people who pee on an elevator
      does that constitute a who pee cushion ?

      Jun 10, 2010 at 5:38 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #17.7   Zoe

      Thanks Canthz_B, I’ve never done this. Must try soon (and see if I can break an elevator too). Won’t do the peeing thing though, honest.

      Jun 10, 2010 at 8:11 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #18   Silence

    The laws of physics…not to be trifled with indeed.

    They’re also subtle and quick to anger, are never late, nor are they early; they arrive precisely when they mean to.

    Oh no wait that’s wizards. My bad.

    Jun 9, 2010 at 9:36 pm   rating: 18  small thumbs up

    • #18.1   Mark bang

      They also taste good with ketchup.

      Or is that catsup?

      Jun 10, 2010 at 9:20 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #19   ChelC

    Ohhhh… PEE…. I kept wondering what the hell π had to do with anything and why they were referring to cops twice.

    Jun 9, 2010 at 9:51 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #20   pony girl

    That is why I’m a pony.
    I can pi wherever I please.

    Jun 9, 2010 at 10:58 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #20.1   infant tyrone bang

      Hey, PG…LTNL.
      But remember, in a marine environment, you have to use your the head.

      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4evzpIVnMVs
      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rFEdtKoG8zw&playnext_from=TL&videos=sB6ihXFaeyo

      Jun 9, 2010 at 11:53 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #20.2   pony girl

      aloha, it!

      I love riding in boats; I’ll have to watch out for that Lyle guy, though.

      Jun 10, 2010 at 1:06 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #20.3   Splint Chesthair

      Hey there pony girl,

      What are you doing Saturday night?

      Jun 10, 2010 at 6:12 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #20.4   infant tyrone bang

      PG,
      Wouldn’t worry about Lyle…it’s jest a naughtycal fantasy with him.
      Yew know them sangers hardly ever even leave the chorale.

      Jun 11, 2010 at 12:00 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #20.5   pony girl

      I’ll be avoiding the ROT rally tonight, and for the next few days. As I do each year.
      ;)

      Jun 12, 2010 at 8:25 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #20.6   infant tyrone bang

      Ever the prudent pony…if los cyclistas get too close you can always hop on Lyle’s boat and take refuge in the middle of Lake Travis or Lake Austin.

      Jun 12, 2010 at 9:59 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #21   Canthz_B bang

    The manufacturer of the elevator is from Mayberry.
    Everyone knows Otis gets pissy drunk, but there’s no need to take Andy or Barney to his house.
    He always turns himself in after his third sail is hoisted.

    Jun 10, 2010 at 2:21 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #22   Canthz_B bang

    What kind of a person, male or female, feeds their pigs pi on an elevator?
    Sloppy, very sloppy.

    Jun 10, 2010 at 2:46 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #23   The Elf

    You canna’ change the laws of physics, Radisson guests! If you keep hoppin’ on that elevator, she won’t be able to take much more! The panel is bypassed like a Christmas tree, so don’t give me too many bumps. Repairs could take weeks.

    Jun 10, 2010 at 6:58 am   rating: 16  small thumbs up

    • #23.1   Clumber

      Dammit Jim Elf! I’m a doctor not a physicist!

      Jun 10, 2010 at 8:01 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #24   Woman on the Verge bang

    Super Duct Tape Man,

    Please let me know what time you will be bringing the police to my house so I can fill the troughs with some fresh decimal places.

    The Piggies

    Jun 10, 2010 at 7:18 am   rating: 10  small thumbs up

     
  • #25   Anon Man

    Presumably the jumping on the elevator thing are a bunch of kids. If the elevator can actually be broken by kids jumping up adn down on elevators, then maybe you needed new elevators anyway.

    Jun 10, 2010 at 9:24 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #25.1   HandyMarigolds

      Sadly, the best elevators for jump-related physics trifling are always the super-old rickety ones.

      Jun 10, 2010 at 9:35 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #26   Mo® bang

    I iz in your elevator dividing by zero! :razz:

    Jun 10, 2010 at 11:03 am   rating: 14  small thumbs up

    • #26.1   Woman on the Verge bang

      Mo, have I told you lately how much I love you?

      Jun 10, 2010 at 11:18 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #26.2   infant tyrone bang

      As long as it’s a Radisson elevator, x/0 is OK.

      I was wondering where the Radisson got those “countless people” from…
      But for Wiki on Infinity, this would be a much less crowded place.

      A point labeled ininifty can be added to the complex plane as a topological space giving the one-point compactification of the complex plane. When this is done, the resulting space is a 1-dimensional complex manifold, or Riemann surface, called the extended complex plane or the Riemann sphere. Arithmetic operations similar to those given below for the extended real numbers can also be defined, though there is no distinction in the signs (therefore one exception is that infinity cannot be added to itself). On the other hand, this kind of infinity enables division by zero, namely z/0 = infinity for any nonzero complex number z.

      Jun 10, 2010 at 4:12 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #27   aaa bang

    Can pigs do math with those hooves of theirs?

    Jun 10, 2010 at 11:17 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #27.1   Mo® bang

      Spiderpig spiderpig does whatever a spiderpig does. (including math!)

      Jun 10, 2010 at 12:33 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
    • #27.2   TippingCows

      Pigs don’t need digits to count their numbers – it’s all done in their head – duh! The smartest pigs make the best bacon.

      Jun 10, 2010 at 5:40 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #28   Varsuuvius

    Don’t bother me, I am busy telling the laws of physics to sit down and shut up.

    Jun 10, 2010 at 1:02 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

     
  • #29   c_m

    That Radisson signage is great. One of my favorite memories as an young punk is when my cousin and I visited San Diego, stayed at a Radisson with two elevators and, after just a few ‘races’ to see who could get to the upper floor first, put one of the elevators out of order. Good times!

    Jun 11, 2010 at 12:08 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #30   wheezeew

    I don’t like the way the first guy glosses himself as “Super.” What, he thinks he’s better than me?

    Jun 14, 2010 at 3:11 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

     

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