“I mean, it sucks about your black eye and all, but HELLO — do you see these dark circles under MY eyes?”
This site has seen its share of tasteless notes, but…really? The mind boggles.
related: Don’t die; it’s expensive.
extra credit: When domestic violence erupts, what should a neighbor do? [AP]
159 responses so far ↓
#1
wheezeew
So, wait, domestic violence isn’t cool now?
Jun 24, 2010 at 7:29 pm rating: 57
#2
Will
This note doesn’t even make sense. It should read, “Domestic violence isn’t cool, and ESPECIALLY when it keeps us all awake at 2:00a.m.” That’s horrible, but at least it makes sense.
The person worded it as though they were wanting to write, “Domestic violence is cool and all, but not at 2:00am!!”
It wouldn’t be a true PAN if it didn’t include a little convoluted writing in with the bitter/cold/horrible sentiment.
Jun 24, 2010 at 7:38 pm rating: 29
#3
J Smith
Her husband should smack her. Quietly, of course.
Jun 24, 2010 at 7:43 pm rating: 41
#4
Laura
Beat up your wife a little quieter next time, sir!
Jun 24, 2010 at 7:50 pm rating: 23
#5
PCA
Hey People,
It’s coarse as shit beating your partner at 02:00,than to call the Cops! Oh, please how churlish! I am trying to get some sleep here!
Jun 24, 2010 at 8:21 pm rating: 5
#6
daylightsavingscrime
Guys, I’m so sorry my nightly beating interrupted your usual encounter with ‘sweet’ dreams. I bet the ending was great. I have stitches. 18 of them. But I’m feeling GREAT now. Thanks so much for noticing my every day rigamarole. I’ve tried EVERYTHING to get people to notice me… the strange color of my hair, the pedicure I got, the new puppy I keep tucked away in my purse… It’s so awesome to know that I’m not under the radar, as T-Loc seems to think I am. Wait till I show him THIS!
Jun 24, 2010 at 8:22 pm rating: 16
#7
surrahsurrah
Everyone knows the proper time to be domestically violent is between 9am-5pm, when your cowardly neighbors aren’t home to feign concern.
Some people…
Jun 24, 2010 at 9:16 pm rating: 35
#8
John
It could have been a response to a loud phone conversation someone was having with a friend who’d been battered.
For some reason that actually seems worse to me; as if the alternative is just so horrific as to be absurd.
Jun 24, 2010 at 9:49 pm rating: 2
#9
amocksun
Wow…I hope he makes his way over to this asshole next.
Jun 24, 2010 at 9:50 pm rating: 12
#10
wheezeew
Hey Luka on the 2nd floor. Keep it down!
Jun 24, 2010 at 11:38 pm rating: 39
#11
snokful
Please, karma, humiliate and render homeless the horribly heartless ironic hipster who wrote this note. And I hope the DV victim gets out.
Jun 24, 2010 at 11:57 pm rating: 55
#12
Cordelia
Dear Neighbor,
Even though you don’t give a rats @$$ about the person you married, my twisted logic tells me you’ll have more consideration for the random person living next door. So please restrict beating your spouse to the hours of 9 am – 8 pm from now on. If I miss another night’s beauty sleep I might actually call the police.
Jun 25, 2010 at 12:29 am rating: 32
#13
infanttyrone
Nice if it were just some role playing scenario gone off the rails by rookies.
Signals and safewords gone awry between consenting adults.
Nicer yet if the note were just plain fiction.
Sad to imagine the mental process of deciding not to call.
Sadder to imagine the same process if a child were involved.
Whatever happened to the spirit behind The Gift of the Magi ?
One sells their hair to buy a beautiful, multi-issue leather magazine case.
One cancels their Stockade Monthly to buy a custom bondage helmet.
Jun 25, 2010 at 1:19 am rating: 5
#14
Nack
Wow. I mean.. wow. Rarely am I ever stunned by what a person puts on this site, but I am bowled over by this!
Dude, if you’re kidding about a loud fight being “domestic violence”… it isn’t “cool”. There’s a huge difference between screaming out your partner/roommate/drunk-buddy and hearing someone’s face getting slammed in the daily “learnin’”. If you’re -not- kidding, and this was a real beating session next door, you’re more offended you lost some sleep?! And lastly, the most stunning of all, you DIDN’T call the cops?!? You left a whining note in the hall?!? That’s gonna go over well with Mr. Sensitivity next door, you know, and will somehow become the abusee’s fault. Way to go! You probably caused another beating!
I’m stunned to be amazed that there’s actually something worse than a wife-beater in the world…it’s the by-stander-do-nothing-PAN-writer.
Jun 25, 2010 at 1:35 am rating: 44
#15
Janak
This incredibly offensive note was also a good chance for Kerry to put in an incorrect “it’s” without being spotted.
Jun 25, 2010 at 4:59 am rating: 12
#16
Splint Chesthair
Maybe this notes is from a woman who was being abused at like 1:30 A.M., and having heard a fight, people came by the door and knocked at like 2:00 A.M. but the abuser and the abused had both gone to bed by then and were annoyed that they were woken up at like 2:00 A.M. So they put a note on the door that says, “Yeah, yeah, we know domestic abuse isn’t cool, but don’t try to save me in the middle of the night, we’re probably done and sleeping by then.”
Jun 25, 2010 at 6:31 am rating: 18
#17
kate
Wow, I actually feel for this note writer. I had some neighbors who were beating each other up one night, keeping myself and my roommate up until all hours. But a more effective response probably would have been to call the police, like we did. And then you get a snotty note from the violent neighbors saying you should have just knocked on their door and asked them to be quiet in the middle of the rumble instead of calling the cops….Riiiight…like I wanted to get pummeled too.
Jun 25, 2010 at 8:01 am rating: 19
#18
H for Toy
I’m giving the note writer the benefit of the doubt and assuming lack of sleep replaced “domestic dispute” with “domestic violence”. Its too sick to think of any other way.
Jun 25, 2010 at 8:37 am rating: 11
#19
Neek
They need to make more soundproof apartments.
Freedom of speech/yelling.
Jun 25, 2010 at 9:15 am rating: 1
#20
jaywalke
Please don’t be so self-centered. Remember that your pain annoys me.
Jun 25, 2010 at 9:22 am rating: 34
#21
HandyMarigolds
Poor NW. That’s worse than when ambulance sirens drown out your iPod, or the TV station preempts the hockey game to broadcast a missing-child alert.
Jun 25, 2010 at 11:10 am rating: 8
#22
LordOfThePants
I agree, Domestic Violence isn’t cool. After their 2nd album they started to totally phone it in…
Jun 25, 2010 at 11:11 am rating: 21
#23
Karaboo
I used to be tempted to write this note. My neighbor’s Bob and the Screamer. Are always getting drunk and yelling at each other at 2 am. Yes, its domestic and yes, its violent, but in some cases both people are to blame. My neighbors are in their 60s and they still haven’t figured it out. Drinking + A Bad Relationship= Domestic Violence. I feel for the note writer. Living next door to these types makes you just as much of a victim as those involved. Its not just losing sleep, its losing your sanity. No one wants to listen to two people yelling at each other in a drunken stuper at 2 am. Luckily for me they have been given one more chance by the landlord and then its bye bye maniacs.
Jun 25, 2010 at 12:14 pm rating: 11
#24
Gladystopia
A partner and I once had our sleep interrupted by some cops pounding on our door. We both went to the door together–he wouldn’t let me answer the door alone, and I was just nosy like that–and were informed that the neighbors had reported a domestic dispute and they wanted to make sure that everything was all right and nothing was hurt. (I’m sure the cops were ESPECIALLY interested when they saw us in person–Chicago cops in general tend to make assumptions about what goes on with interracial couples.) We were completely mystified–although there HAD been some, erm, sounds which could have been misinterpreted, those were OTHER evenings. So we just blankly looked at them and attempted to reassure them that no, there was no beating going on; that no, I was not saying that under duress; and that no, the neighbors had clearly got SOMETHING wrong.
Our denials and our sleepy faces were apparently enough to keep them from noticing all the heroin-related paraphernalia on the table a few feet behind us, as well; after that, we generally remembered to put the gear away at night, just in case.
Jun 25, 2010 at 1:56 pm rating: 21
#25
amy d
If abusers had any consideration of others, they wouldn’t be abusers. It’s ridiculous to write a note asking them to be considerate.
Jun 25, 2010 at 3:35 pm rating: 17
#26
jinx
Domestic violence pisses me off. If you let someone beat your ass and you’re grown, you deserve it. So, if you’re gonna let some beat on you, keep it down. Selfish!
Jun 25, 2010 at 5:34 pm rating: 2
#27
TheOldSchool
Maybe apartment living actually causes domestic violence.
Notes like this rarely appear in places where folks live in secluded homes.
People need space!
Jun 26, 2010 at 10:50 am rating: 4
#28
appleecho
What do you tell a woman with two black eyes?
Jun 26, 2010 at 3:27 pm rating: 1
#29
modernmoron
I totally feel for the note-writer. In more than one instance I lived in a situation where neighbors were engaged in domestic violence. Seriously scary domestic violence… but guess what, call the cops and they give you shit. Woman bails the guy out of jail, gets beat up more, gives you more shit for calling the cops. AND IT DOESN’T STOP. And its not like it something that’s easy to ignore when guys are beating the shit out of their girlfriends and locking them in closests and screaming at each other, and seeing the bruises later… but both will treat you like a scumbag if you call the cops, and she’ll bail him out of jail anyway. it’s fucked up. Unless I honest to God see someone about to die in front of me from domestic violence, I don’t even fucking bother anymore.
Jun 26, 2010 at 7:58 pm rating: 10
#30
Beds
Frankly. I think we can’t deny helping someone can be a difficult decision to make.
Aside from the bystander effect, there are many more factors to consider.
For instance, what if the victim turns against the helper because they didn’t want help. I once saw a guy in a wheelchair wait for a minute in front of a closed door. I hesitantly offered help and since the guy wasn’t replying I opened the door. The guy waited there silently and I was starting to wonder if he was OK, but then he just started yelling at me for treating him like he couldn’t take care of himself. Needless to say, thanks to this experience I’ll think twice before offering to help a disabled person next time.
Then you have the situation of shy/introverted people, or people who aren’t comfortable with social interactions. I know people like this and they worry A LOT about what people think of them. They really try to avoid any interaction with anyone as much as they can, except for a few close relatives they feel comfortable with.
I’m sure these people would simply be unable to overcome their discomfort and help in case of an emergency.
And lastly, in the case of assault, people will worry about their own safety. I think of myself as brave enough to defend someone if needed, but I would worry that the attacker could just pull a knife out of his pocket and stab me before I even realize it. That would result in me getting killed for the sake of someone I don’t know and don’t care about. And it’s not just me I’m worried about, but I think I have a duty to my relatives, especially my family, not to die on them.
A knife is concealed easily, pulled out quickly, and vital organs get stabbed before you realize it.
On top of that, when the assault looks like a guy beating his girlfriend, I think of the emotional state of the attacker: if someone intervenes, he’ll see it this way: a) the victim is HIS girlfriend and b) the defender is interfering in their private business. This can lead to strong over-reaction from the attacker.
On the other hand, a guy assaulting a random victim probably wouldn’t have such a strong, emotional reaction if someone stepped in.
But then again, if I felt the attacker was likely to kill or seriously injure his victim, I would be more likely to step in.
It’s really a matter of three things:
1) What’s the relationship between attacker and victim?
2) How serious is the threat?
3) Is it safe enough for me to step in?
And if I stepped in (or was involved in any physical altercation) I have one basic rule: I fight only to kill.
I would warn the attacker that any future attack would be considered a murder attempt and I would use deadly force in defense.
I would never engage in a fight just to hurt or knock out someone: my concern is my safety, which is most assured by quickly disabling my opponent. I either back off from the fight or, I fight for my life.
Perhaps another reason people do not help is because they don’t feel like killing/seriously injuring an attacker, and thus they think the fight that would result from stepping in would be a long exchange of blows instead of the attacker going down fast.
All of this aside, people would be more likely to step in if they knew they would not be the only ones. I mean, if ten guys came to the defense of the victim, the attacker would be harmless. But we know (or assume) that this will not happen if we do step in.
Jun 27, 2010 at 2:10 am rating: 9
#31
Canthz_B
♫ Knock three times on my cheekbone if you want me,
Twice in the gut, if the answer is no. ♫
Jun 27, 2010 at 6:55 pm rating: 4
#32
eriu
Yea, at my old college, a girl was raped in her dorm’s communal bathroom. In response to her cries for help, some b*tch came into the bathroom and told them to keep it down.
Sometimes I really want to punch humanity.
Jun 28, 2010 at 6:07 pm rating: 5
#33
monika
Yeah, I know women who chose to leave an abusive relationship. Some of them get killed. Why is it that we tend to downplay this?
My mom’s best friend was murdered by her husband after she “chose” to leave him. He went to her work and shot her. Left behind a teenage girl.
Jun 30, 2010 at 3:24 am rating: 12
#34
monika
by the way, I usually love the banter as much as the notes. This one went a really bad place and hurt people.
Jun 30, 2010 at 3:26 am rating: 11
#35
Lisap
Using that note as entertainment on this site is just a shade less insensitive than the note is in the first place.
Pointing out the note writer’s obnoxiousness does not absolve this site of its responsibility.
Jul 10, 2010 at 4:08 pm rating: 1
#36 If there were ever a time to hold your red pen…
[...] “Domestic violence isn’t cool but neither is keeping us all awake. [...]
Aug 6, 2010 at 5:40 pm rating: 0
Comments are Closed