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Dr. Doolittle gets tough

June 28th, 2010 · 70 comments

Jane in Boston says this note appeared on Tomio’s bedroom door, at cat’s-eye level. “Given that I’m pretty sure cats can’t read, it’s the ultimate passive-aggressive sentiment,” Jane says, “but a cat shitting on your bed is pretty passive aggressive, too. What a tangled web we weave.”

Cats- Pursuant to the shit in my bed, you are hereby forbidden from my room until further notice. -Tomio

Meanwhile, a submitter in Cornwall, England spotted this note (again, at pet’s-eye level) on the front door of a house. “It was unclear what the dog had done, how the notewriter expected the dog to read this, or how ‘Diane’ was filming the dog,” our submitter says. “There was no sign of a camera.”

Dear DOG As of tonight you are on camera! You know who you are. Love Diane. Photo No. 1 has been taken!

And yet, it’s this commandment —posted by a neighbor of Marissa in San Francisco — that tickles me the most.

Its [sic] Prohibited for dogs to poop

UPDATE: A bonus note (via Anthonio in Seattle), from…Dirt.

Attention, The flower area is NOT for CAT SHIT. From here on out, any shit found here will be randomly re-located to different places... Get ready for surprises. Love always, Dirt

related: Excuse me, sir? I think you’ve dropped something.

FILED UNDER: Boston · cats · dogs · most popular notes of 2010 · San Francisco · Seattle · shit · signed with love · U.K. · you know who you are

70 responses so far ↓

  • #1   zenvelo

    oh the doggies won’t be able to understand that last one without the apostrophe!

    Jun 28, 2010 at 8:28 pm   rating: 16  small thumbs up

    • #1.1   TheOldSchool bang

      Pursuant to the first notice, I suspect that it was concocted the morning after Tomio had one of his “pooping dreams.”

      The carefully worded signage is obviously just a bit of subterfuge — one of Tomio’s clumsy ploys designed to pass blame, avoid humiliation, and eventually lure Jane onto his feculent mattress of shame.

      Jun 29, 2010 at 12:49 am   rating: 11  small thumbs up

    • #1.2   Mo® bang

      his German Shepard was filming some sheiss porn in his bed.

      Jun 29, 2010 at 9:08 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #1.3   infant tyrone bang

      2 bitches 1 cup ?

      Jun 29, 2010 at 10:37 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #1.4   Woman on the Verge bang

      Is Tomio a lawyer? No wonder the cat shit in his bed.

      Jun 29, 2010 at 3:53 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

  • #2   jinx

    Marissa’s neighbor better be ready to clean up some dead dogs.

    Jun 28, 2010 at 8:37 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #2.1   infanttyrone

      Oh, come on Rover…just one last wafer-thin MilkBone !
      What could go wrong ?

      Oh, jinx…Hi…didn’t notice you amongst the funny.
      Hey, hold my pit bull while I go get some Pup-Peroni for him, huh?
      Nah, he’s so laid back we call him Neville…really.

      Jun 28, 2010 at 8:50 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #2.2   jinx

      Sounds like an experiment to me. Stop shiting and tells us how it goes. ;)

      Jun 28, 2010 at 8:56 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #3   J Smith

    But dogs and cats can’t read.

    Jun 28, 2010 at 8:38 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #3.1   MAMARILLA2 bang


      Jun 29, 2010 at 2:26 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #3.2   Canthz_B bang

      Then how do you explain Mr. Peabody?

      Jun 29, 2010 at 4:01 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

    • #3.3   infant tyrone bang

      There were two Kerwood Derbys.
      Mr. P. kept his in the secret fortress of doggie solitude.

      He even used the Derby to compose anti-military music,
      but he was compelled to switch over to obscure keys…
      because of his sidekick’s tendency to march to the ‘C’.

      Jun 29, 2010 at 5:03 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #3.4   Rubber Chicken

      Cats can read. They just choose to ignore PANs.

      Jun 29, 2010 at 1:57 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

  • #4   Zhuria

    Becoming tired of my hamster getting stuck behind the toilet in her ball, I affixed a sign at hamster-eye level on the bottom of the bathroom door. “NO HAMSTERS”.

    Like I thought she could open the door or something.

    Jun 28, 2010 at 8:49 pm   rating: 14  small thumbs up

    • #4.1   infanttyrone

      How much did that Sharper Image hamster-ball set you back ?

      Something that posh, it should have come with a how-to reading DVD.

      Jun 28, 2010 at 8:54 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #5   mereubu

    oh they know.
    also i love that it’s “love” diane.

    Jun 28, 2010 at 8:52 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #5.1   Auntybron

      Yeah, I’m not feeling the love there.

      Jun 28, 2010 at 10:26 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #6   gladystopia

    Iin defense of the cat in the first one…it’s entirely possible that it was an unintentional deposit. I have a long-haired cat who occasionally gets…well, cling-ons, I guess you’d call them…and they tend to fall off in fairly inconvenient places. Now, if the note-writer had to clean up a gigantic, obviously-deliberate pile…yeah, then I’m Team Note-Writer. Otherwise, Team Cat.

    After all, if you DON’T defend them, THEN they’ll poop in your shoes.

    Jun 28, 2010 at 8:53 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

    • #6.1   Auntybron

      I’ve got a friend whose cat, Sophie, was so upset that my friend got a new kitten that Sophie pooped in the middle of my friend’s husband’s chair. And he didn’t want the kitten either. Now THAT’s passive aggressive.

      Jun 28, 2010 at 10:28 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #6.2   The Elf

      I believe the technical term is “dingleberries”.

      Jun 29, 2010 at 6:40 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #6.3   HappyNat

      I love any story a person tells about their cat. I could listen to Marsha in the office talk about her sweeties all day. But a story about said cat pooping! I’m on the edge of my seat!

      Jun 29, 2010 at 7:25 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #6.4   Meesh

      Happy, I’m picking up on your sarcasm…

      Jun 29, 2010 at 7:57 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #6.5   Canthz_B bang

      I used to have cats, Tut and Cleopatra.

      They were so cute when they used to…never mind…I’ll post this anecdote on a cat appreciation website.

      Where are they now?

      They were fucking delicious! :-P

      (♫ This is how we do it!! ♫)

      Jun 29, 2010 at 8:56 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #6.6   Donna Martin Graduates!

      ^ ye gods, still?!

      Jun 30, 2010 at 12:51 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #7   shwonline bang

    Note 1: When queefs go wrong.

    Jun 28, 2010 at 9:03 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #8   shwonline bang

    Note 3: Triumph thinks your sign is great… FOR HIM TO POOP ON!

    Jun 28, 2010 at 9:03 pm   rating: 18  small thumbs up

    • #8.1   bellabeastie

      Ah, Triumph. Give a cat a microphone and you never know what he’ll do.

      Except POOP ON YOU !

      Jun 29, 2010 at 12:09 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #9   shwonline bang

    Notewriter 2 sounds like she’s actually stalking the dog…

    Jun 28, 2010 at 9:05 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #9.1   MdmeLibrarian

      I suspect note-writer #2 has a peeping tom who is either trying to look through the pet-flap on her door, or who is snooping around her house and making dog noises in an attempt to disguise what they’re doing.

      Jul 1, 2010 at 5:38 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #10   jinx

    Are humans still allowed to piss and shit where ever they want?

    Jun 28, 2010 at 9:05 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #10.1   infanttyrone

      Technically, NO

      Jun 29, 2010 at 12:16 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #10.2   jinx

      So, I can get off on a techicality.

      Jun 29, 2010 at 12:46 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #10.3   infant tyrone bang

      To channel Al Davis, just get OFF, baby!

      Jun 29, 2010 at 1:07 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #10.4   Canthz_B bang


      When you don’t have to work that day because the IT department cannot get or keep your system up.

      ( Tech guys always have trouble getting and keeping it up…but they say it’s you without enough RAM on your hard drive! Personally, I think they need to focus on their task managers.)

      Jun 29, 2010 at 4:07 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #10.5   infant tyrone bang

      When you don’t have to work that day because the IT department cannot get or keep your system up.

      So, it’s kind of like a Snow Crash day ?

      Jun 29, 2010 at 4:50 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #10.6   Meesh

      jinx, I prefer hentai porn, but if technicalities get you off, go with it. No judgement.

      Jun 29, 2010 at 7:55 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #10.7   jinx

      Ick. Now, I remember why I don’t like the posters— Er posting on PA Notes. Yeah, that’s the ticket. *Wonder if one can get a restraining order online*

      Jun 29, 2010 at 11:12 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

  • #11   Aksi

    It’s best for dogs to just slowly build up as much poop as they can. Reduces discomfort for humans, you know.

    Jun 28, 2010 at 9:06 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #12   Wendy

    If you are a cat & you sh!t in a hooman’s bed, you deserve what you get.

    Jun 28, 2010 at 9:46 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #12.1   FeRD bang

      Even if what you get is candy?

      Jun 28, 2010 at 10:16 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

    • #12.2   Wendy

      If you give a cat candy for sh!tting in your bed, you deserve to have cat sh!t in your bed.

      Jun 29, 2010 at 11:04 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

  • #13   TippingCows

    Its prohibited foredogged two poops.

    But if it’s prohibited to poop, then is the dog allowed to explode instead? Because if you don’t allow either, you’ve put the dog in an unfair predicament.

    Jun 28, 2010 at 10:49 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #13.1   Hypothetical

      I think this was a case of Engrish.

      I’m a Human, and I have to crap at least once a day. Sometimes twice. Dogs live 7 times as fast as Human’s. If they are forbidden from crapping, things are going to get messy real quick.

      Jun 29, 2010 at 3:13 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

  • #14   Canthz_B bang

    Why do people with loose bowels always blame the damned cat?
    It’s so much more believable to adopt a senior citizen and blame them.

    Jun 28, 2010 at 10:50 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

  • #15   ??

    extra credit: Dear literate dog,

    Jun 28, 2010 at 11:20 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #15.1   FeRD bang

      LOL! That’s a hoot. :)

      I’m certain it’s the handwritten note that’s keeping the dog from climbing the stairs, not the barricade it’s attached to! (Altho, I do wonder where he got a spare board that perfectly matches the wood his stairs are built from.)

      Jun 29, 2010 at 1:19 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #16   1948goa

    Can anybody suggest how can I tell my 17 year old blind and deaf cat that she must stop peeing and shitting on my bed ?
    No aggressive suggestions, please !

    Jun 29, 2010 at 2:38 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #16.1   Canthz_B bang

      Tell her to sniff out the litter box. Not usually very hard to do.

      Jun 29, 2010 at 4:19 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #16.2   1948goa

      Canthz B,
      thanks for your suggestion but Tiger, my poor old cat, never had to sniff out a litter box as she was free to roam about in the garden & all.
      I placed a litter box near her “territory” a couple of months ago but she doesn’t know what to do with it.

      Jun 29, 2010 at 6:32 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #16.3   The Elf

      Poor kitty! Probably arthritic too. There are several things you can do. One is you can start limiting her territory so that it doesn’t include your bedroom. Use baby gates to enclose part of the living area and leave food, water, litterbox, blanket there for her. Gradually expand her territory once she has remembered about the litterbox. A litterbox near the bed, like in the master bathroom, might be more attractive than going all the way to wherever out of the way corner you’ve stashed the box.

      Take her to the vet. Her elimination behavior might have a physical reason that can be treated.

      You also need to wash your sheets and mattress thoroughly and with an enzyme based cleaner to completely eliminate the odor of cat poop/pee. You may not be able to smell it, but she can. Then pile random stuff on the bed to make it a less attractive area for pooping.

      Lastly, take a good hard look at her quality of life. If she is blind, deaf, and truly incontinent, then she may not be long for this world anyway. Do not feel guilty about euthanasia when your pet is at the end of her life and in distress.

      Jun 29, 2010 at 6:36 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #16.4   The Elf

      Just read your update. So she’s never been trained to a box? Seed the litterbox with her poop. That will give her an idea of where to go.

      Jun 29, 2010 at 6:37 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #16.5   1948goa

      Thanks to
      The Elf, You are healing my “Bad Conscience” (that is Italian litterally translated into English= feeling guilty whatever you do), as I think that she is really at the end of her life and in total distress as she has been “running after her tail” for the last couple of days.
      Today I will ring my vet and arrange an appointment so that she may fall asleep in her surroundings.
      Thank you, you are very kind and understanding

      Jun 29, 2010 at 6:45 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #16.6   The Elf

      You’re welcome, Uccia. I’ve been there. Too many times.

      Jun 29, 2010 at 6:51 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #16.7   Canthz_B bang

      Sorry you thought I was serious. It was just a joke about litterbox odor.
      I couldn’t care less about cats…unless we’re talking chow mein. :-|

      Jun 29, 2010 at 8:39 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #16.8   forest_rose

      Uccia, I’m sorry about your kitty – it’s so difficult when they get old and ill.

      Jun 29, 2010 at 1:13 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #16.9   FeRD bang

      @Uccia: I’m sorry, as well, about your cat. I think Elf’s advice is spot on. It’s never easy to lose a beloved pet, but when they’re no longer living comfortably sometimes it’s the best thing.

      You absolutely shouldn’t have a “guilty conscience”, as we say. (Your English is excellent, BTW, you have no reason to be concerned about that!)

      Friends of mine recently lost a cat they’d had practically since his birth — also 17 years old, and very overweight. He’d been getting sick and requiring more and more trips to the vet, and clearly wasn’t living comfortably. When persistent gum & tooth problems robbed him of his one great love, eating, they finally decided it was more compassionate to spare him any more pain and have him “put down”. They called a vet who was willing to come to their apartment, so they could say goodbye without the trauma of bringing him to the vet once more, and he was at least relatively comfortable at the end.

      They said it was one of the hardest decisions they’ve ever made — but the only thing harder would have been letting him continue to suffer the way he was.

      Jun 29, 2010 at 1:29 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #16.10   mamason bang

      17? Isn’t that what euthanasia is for? That would stop the pooing and peeing in the bed.

      Jun 29, 2010 at 1:31 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #16.11   1948goa

      Thanks forest rose, Ferd & The Elf for the compassion.
      The vet came to my home and, sooner than I could realize it, he had already given a jab to Tiger to send her “to sleep”. As we were waiting for Tiger to be totally asleep, I asked the vet how things were going with his family……. one of his girls got a very bad rare pediatric (!!!!!) tumor a few months ago : she is 33 and just married. Arent’ these the really aggressive things that turn your life upside down ?
      I dug a grave for my Tiger under a beautiful rhododendron in my garden and I wished her “che la terra ti sia leggera” (my the earth be light upon you) and then I buried her. She is now resting in peace & next spring she will be a beautiful violet rhododendron flower an I already miss her pee and poo on my bed.

      Jul 2, 2010 at 9:50 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #17   Rillion

    I think I love Tomio. Between his (?) handwriting, his language, and his use of italics on the word “in” (would it be less egregious if the cats had shat on, around, or adjacent to his bed?), he sounds like a person I’d like to know. While the note might be a passive-aggressive statement to someone other than the cats, to me it reads like a simple venting of cat poop-inspired anger.

    Jun 29, 2010 at 2:59 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

  • #18   The Elf

    I have been shat on by a kitten. It’s not as much fun as it sounds. If my cats could read, I would have left a passive-agressive note too. Maybe his cats are smarter than mine.

    Jun 29, 2010 at 6:29 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #18.1   1948goa

      You seem to have a long experience with cats.
      How many cats did you have so far ?

      Jun 29, 2010 at 9:11 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #18.2   The Elf

      Almost enough to be the crazy cat lady. Just one more….

      Jun 29, 2010 at 10:38 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #18.3   1948goa

      Perfidiuos girl !

      Jun 29, 2010 at 10:47 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #19   Natalie

    This kinda reminds me of one time I was walking my dog, carrying a bag of her recently deposited poop. She was sniffing in a neighbor’s yard and the neighbor leaned out her door and called the equivalent of “hidy ho, neighbor!” I thought she was being friendly and said hello back. Then she said “I hope he’s not going to, um, go in my yard!” I waved the bag of poop at her and said no, she already went.

    While I totally respect what she’s saying, I still felt slightly odd about the whole interaction.

    Jun 29, 2010 at 11:46 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #19.1   FeRD bang

      You sure it wasn’t “Howdy ho”? Perhaps it was the poo that was talking. :)

      (You sure do smell an awful lot like flowers!)

      Jun 29, 2010 at 1:31 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #20   Tiffany

    Love the dog note!

    Jun 29, 2010 at 1:31 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #21   Jen

    Did anyone else notice the extreme filth on Tomio’s door? Ew!

    Jun 29, 2010 at 11:30 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #21.1   FeRD bang

      If that’s “extreme” filth, then you’re never getting invited anywhere I live. :)

      Jun 30, 2010 at 7:10 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #22   April

    My husband once left the most awesome passive aggressive note to someone over this type of stuff! He got some pic of George W Bush flipping the bird with a pissed off look on his face then typed under it “Thanks for letting your giant dog take a giant shit in our yard.”

    He did this after the dog was running loose which is a big no no in our city and came into our yard and took a huge steaming stinky crap. Then my husband followed the dog back to their house and he was going to talk to her about it and she slammed the door in his face when she saw him coming. Then he knocked on the door for several minutes and she would not answer it.

    So he made this note and taped it on her door. The funny part was her little boy might have seen it before she did. Good enough. Sure enough after that she never let her dogs run loose again! I about vomited cleaning up the dog poop. It was so nasty! I have twins and not once did their poop ever make me almost vomit like that dog’s did. So gross. I also called animal control on the bitch because not only did her dogs poop in our yard, they have also growled at us. Not cool.

    Jul 2, 2010 at 8:38 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #23   My cat-shit crazy neighbor |

    [...] Got that, kitty? [...]

    Sep 2, 2010 at 7:02 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up


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