The following message is a bit long, yes, but I had to post it because it reads uncannily like what I imagine as the epistolary novel of the future — complete with an unreliable narrator à la the Adrian Mole Diaries (or the sub-par American ripoff, Youth in Revolt).
It comes to us from Helen in Northern Ireland, who gives the following backstory: ”So, I met a friend of a friend on a night out and he offered to ‘walk me home.’ Seeing right through that clever ruse, I left, only to be bombarded with no fewer than four texts, a Facebook message and a voicemail all saying some inebriated yet romantic things.”
Months later, Helen ran into a mutual friend of this would-be Lothario, and casually said something along the lines of, ‘He tried to walk me home once, but I think he is a bit strange.’ Shortly thereafter, she received this gem of a Facebook message. “Luckily,” Helen says, “he removed and blocked me from Facebook immediately after sending it. Nice chap!”
related: And women like u wonder why u get judged and labeled shallow
101 responses so far ↓
#1
rebecca
Read ‘Spud’ the South African version of Adrian Mole…..love those books
Jul 5, 2010 at 6:00 pm rating: 2
#2
Ellie
Mwahaha
Jul 5, 2010 at 6:00 pm rating: 1
#3
liddy
me thinks he doth protest too much..
Jul 5, 2010 at 6:08 pm rating: 58
#4
SS
“you’re not attractive enough to merit it”
What a frakking douche.
Jul 5, 2010 at 6:12 pm rating: 49
#5
Kat
What an insecure little boy of a man.
“I didn’t want that toy anyway! It’s lame and ugly.”
Jul 5, 2010 at 6:13 pm rating: 97
#6
Melodie
“All the best” is the “no offense” of kiss-off letters, hey?
“I hate you and everyone hates you and Jesus hates you and you’re ugly and you smell and you look dreadful in that shirt and you’re a horrible monster who should pray for death and I hope you die in a fire, and I never want to hear from you again! All the best, Gary.”
Jul 5, 2010 at 6:16 pm rating: 118
#7
Erica
Think he was right! Team “passive aggressive”guy!
Jul 5, 2010 at 6:43 pm rating: 8
#8
Boad
At least he can spell. Which sort of sucks– that’s generally something that helps weed out the psychos. Maybe he spells *too* well… hmm..
Jul 5, 2010 at 6:58 pm rating: 21
#9
Nack
Hrm, I have a sense “Helen” said a bit more than the guy was strange. A person doesn’t just rant off including friends in the issue on just a “thanks but no thanks” kind of tone, even if he is passive aggressive. Which I don’t really get from this note. I get a mocking wit here. I’m Team Conspiracy.
Jul 5, 2010 at 7:24 pm rating: 24
#10
aaa
What’s up with the old tactic of “Oh, you don’t want anything to do with me. Well, um, I wasn’t interested in you anyway. And you smell. And everyone hates you. Now that I’ve been rejected, I’m too good for you. So there.”? DAMMIT PEOPLE, BE A LITTLE LESS TRANSPARENT. YOU’RE MAKING IT TOO DAMN EASY TO MOCK YOU. YOU’RE TAKING ALL THE FUN OUT OF THIS. JEEZY CREEZY.
Jul 5, 2010 at 7:25 pm rating: 45
#11
Wade
I suggest that ere Helen enters a pub for a pint, she first offer up this blessing:
May those who love us, love us
and those who don’t love us, may God turn their hearts
and if He doesn’t turn their hearts may he turn their ankles
so we’ll know them by their limping.
Sláinte!
Jul 5, 2010 at 7:42 pm rating: 38
#12
zenvelo
I love the”oh I wasn’t hitting on you, but I heard you sleep around so I was hoping to hit on you, and I wouldn’t have sex with you except that I wanted to have sex with you.”
Put this guy in urban dictionary under Douche Bag. (yes, capitalized).
Jul 5, 2010 at 7:49 pm rating: 80
#13
Silence
Somethin’ in the milk ain’t clean with this one.
His lack of contact after the fact coupled with her description of his 4 texts, FB message, and VM as “inebriated” seem to point to him really *not* having much of a memory of it, and having been content with not contacting her…
…which would indicate that, yeah, he wasn’t really that interested. It was the booze.
And telling a friend of his that he’s strange? Yeah, pretty much warrants a Fuck You, Ya Daft Slag message, however nicely worded.
Team Fishy Backstory, I’m afraid.
Jul 5, 2010 at 8:01 pm rating: 30
#14
infant tyrone
OK, as the Devil’s Advocate (El Abogado para el pendejo may be better):
Memo to Helen:
Mr. X may be an unsympathetic rakeheel, or lower.
But he’s not that into you, not in that way.
Of course, there’s a one in a million chance he’s a super-slow-playing (months later !? other girlfriends) sleazeball who has a bash-em-
in-the-head-and-play-with-the-ones-who-say-ThankYou sort of system.
But that’s not what the smart money’s saying in the London betting shops.
Interpret Mr. X’s message as you choose, your takeaway action is clear.
Get hold of your “friend” Lewis.
If he’s talking shit about you, drop him.
If you are a slag, tell him to stop trying to do you favors, as his profile regarding the kind of guy who might work for you is waaay off.
I’d love to say more, but Mr. X is a cheap bastard and for any more advice, I’d have to dun you. So, I’m off to court to file an appeal for this bloke named Judas. It’s an old case, but I think we have a chance this time.
All the best
Jul 5, 2010 at 8:14 pm rating: 7
#15
SB
Sigh. What a punk.
Jul 5, 2010 at 8:17 pm rating: 5
#16
anglophile
Is he implying with his “lack of… other girlfriends” and his “record of this with old Matt”what he seems to be implying?
Not that there’d be anything wrong with that.
Jul 5, 2010 at 8:20 pm rating: 20
#17
Jim
Yeah, nothing says “not interested” like a novella.
Jul 5, 2010 at 8:43 pm rating: 94
#18
RampartWoman
She shouldn’t have said anything to the mutual friend. I’d be pissed, too. The guy is just letting her know she’s not worth his time, and that she crossed the line, and in a passive-aggressive way, but warranted. She’s sucks worse than him.
Jul 5, 2010 at 9:02 pm rating: 14
#19
THF
In this whole exchange there just seems to be a hell of a lot of bitching and shit stirring going on.
Helen said this to the friend, the friend relayed it to the would be Lothario, who went back to Helen with accusations of Matt and Lewis, and Helen no doubt went to confront Lewis.
It’s all a bit childish really…
Jul 5, 2010 at 9:02 pm rating: 14
#20
watwat
This reminds me of that douchebag voicemail recording that went around the Internets a while back….
Jul 5, 2010 at 9:58 pm rating: 4
#21
cunning linguist
Fionnuala?
Jul 5, 2010 at 10:10 pm rating: 6
#22
Z
He hassled the hell out of her and she mentioned it to someone he know…I am baffled as to how that is such a horrible bitchy thing to do. He is a loser, and if you can’t see that, I don’t know how to explain it.
Jul 5, 2010 at 11:33 pm rating: 60
#23
Limeliberator
blow-hard /ˈbloʊˌhɑrd/ [bloh-hahrd] –noun Slang .
an exceptionally boastful and talkative person.
Origin:
1850–55, Americanism
:O
Jul 5, 2010 at 11:46 pm rating: 5
#24
snokful
What. A. Creep.
Typical male reaction, when rejected by a woman as is her self-protective right, to accuse the woman of being a disgusting ugly slut.
Jul 5, 2010 at 11:50 pm rating: 69
#25
Canthz_B
This is what’s really wrong with Ireland today.
Jul 6, 2010 at 3:47 am rating: 26
#26
Canthz_B
This all could have been avoided if she’d have just “put out” in the first place.
Come on ladies, spread your legs with reckless abandon to protect your Facebook reputations.
No one will post that you’re easy… I promise (almost).
Jul 6, 2010 at 4:25 am rating: 7
#27
gyaku_zuki
He’s gay. Essentially admits to it in the message (the lack of other girlfriends, and the ‘business’ with Matt).
Plus he is articulate. A clear sign of a gay dude – I would know
Since I live in Northern Ireland, maybe some day I will run into him…
Jul 6, 2010 at 6:21 am rating: 9
#28
wicked opinion
What a tool. I had a similar (but WAY less complicated) thing happen to me years ago. Guy approached me in a club, I politely declined to dance with him, he stage-whispered “fat bitch” and stomped off. 15 minutes later he was spotted across the room talking to a girl even heavier than me. My friend and I laughed so hard we cried. Guys CANNOT take rejection.
Jul 6, 2010 at 7:40 am rating: 32
#29
Splint Chesthair
First off, this guy is a douche, plain and simple, the classy and mature thing to do would be to ignore it. Regardless of whether the woman did more than just call him “strange”.
However, I have been on the end where I’m just being nice to a female, offering a ride, offering to walk someone home, etc. and you literally cannot do these things without being accused of having ulterior motives. That’s fine, you just deal with that because you’re a nice person. But then someone the next day tells you they heard you were trying to sleep with this girl and now you know she’s telling stories about you and, well, it gets frustrating.
Jul 6, 2010 at 7:57 am rating: 4
#30
H for Toy
The whole “Lewis said something mean about you but I defended you” reminds me of a guy who literally used to ask me out every time he saw me from the time I was 16 to about 24, when I guess I finally got through to him. He actually told me that I should go out with him because he thought I was a slut, but was willing to defend me if anyone else said so. As generous as the offer was, *eye roll* I still wasn’t interested.
Frankly, I don’t think I’m attractive enough to warrant that kind of long-term attention
Jul 6, 2010 at 8:04 am rating: 29
#31
oi
hmm. All he wanted to say is that he was not interested in her, it was just an alcohol acting. Boy! does he go off on a tangent! What’s with Fionoaulla ( No I am not gonna correct that, persons with stupid names should expect their names to be spelled wrong.) Lewis, and Matt? Did he try to lure all those people too with his “clever” ruses? He was rejected by them all, so he sent a letter calling them ugly and sluts? “Telling too much truth leads to chaos?” I did not know that you can actually weigh the truth and break it down into manageable quantities. Live and learn I guess.
If the guy talks like this when sober then I am not surprised that everybody sees through his ruses and rejects him when inebriated.
Jul 6, 2010 at 10:59 am rating: 9
#32
Courtney
It would be interesting to know whether or not she still has the “evidence”, i.e., the Facebook message and the text messages and could present them to this douchebag as “proof” of his hitting on her, not the other way around.
Jul 6, 2010 at 12:10 pm rating: 2
#33
StopDaveDaveStop
You had me at Fionnuala.
Jul 6, 2010 at 2:11 pm rating: 5
#34
Toya
I would have laughed off this note if I were the girl. If she truly was ugly then that he was about to hook up with an ugly chick while in the middle of a drunken haze. And really what does that say about when the supposed ugly chick rejects you?
Although I do wonder how he was behaving. Was he being really touchy feely or was he staying at a distance.
Jul 6, 2010 at 2:59 pm rating: 1
#35
Duncan
Message continues; I should add, moreover, that not only am I not interested in any way but in fact I entirely failed to notice you. I thought I’d write you this long message to impress upon you how singularly you failed to penetrate my into my consciousness. If Briege told you that I had a small-to-medium sized shrine set up in my back garden, centred around a plinth upon which sits your likeness, she was entirely making it up – she doesn’t know anything about the shrine. Lewis tells me you have big feet. And bad breath. Did I mention I’m not interested in you?
Jul 6, 2010 at 3:49 pm rating: 38
#36
Crisp Flows
“Too much truth leads to chaos…”?
I get the feeling that the writer is a habitual liar
Jul 6, 2010 at 4:06 pm rating: 7
#37
Finisterre
Oh-so-familiar scenario, as others have said.
I predict that the next time he meets a girl who shows even a polite interest, he’ll be telling her just what a Nice Guy(TM) he is and how he always gets crapped on by nasty women like Helen.
Jul 6, 2010 at 4:08 pm rating: 27
#38
Reibear
haha oh wow, what a huge fucking child. oh, internet~
Jul 6, 2010 at 7:08 pm rating: 0
#39
eslinger
Well, here’s DoucheLord #3. Numbers 1 & 2 are John Mayer and Scott Disick, respectively.
This guy needs to fly to Arizona, find a cactus, and sit on it. What a cockfag.
Yeah, sure, some chick doesn’t accept your tacky come-ons, and mentions the fact that you were a bit “strange” (instead of taking the low road and saying what a creeper you were), and suddenly she’s a “slag.” Despite your failed attempts at wooing her, she’s the bad person here. Yep, classic rejection behavior at its finest.
Helen, you’re better off. What if he’d gotten aggressive when he walked you home? Better to get a PAN from this jerk than … well, something worse, for sure.
Jul 6, 2010 at 11:21 pm rating: 4
#40
Charles
It’s all to do with how she, herself, looks. Mr X may have reacted the way he did simply because she wasn’t quite as attractive as her label promised. This would be my bet.
All power to ya buddy! Unless someone offers me pictoral evidence otherwise.
Jul 7, 2010 at 9:06 am rating: 0
#41
RP
The OP dodged one seriously douchey, pretentious bullet there.
Jul 7, 2010 at 12:24 pm rating: 8
#42
arby
He can spell, but he can’t use paragraph breaks.
Definitely always a sign of a nutcase
Jul 21, 2010 at 1:09 am rating: 1
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