Amanda in Charlestown, Mass. lives in a three-story home with an apartment on each floor and a shared patio out back. “Our downstairs neighbor is notorious for leaving us notes — ‘Don’t slam the door,’ ‘The patio is not a storage area,’ etc. — but this note topped them all,” Amanda says. ”Oh, and she clearly cannot spell.”
![Just wanted to let you guys know that I bought all the furnature [sic] out back. It is not for you to use. Thanks [redacted]](http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2710/4517371051_01b9eab35a_b.jpg "Just wanted to let you guys know that I bought all the furnature [sic] out back. It is not for you to use. Thanks [redacted]")
related: Thank you for not using my grill again
75 responses so far ↓
#1
Lauri
sounds like the other people need to buy a ton of cheap chairs and fill up the patio with them so it’s nearly impossible to move around.
Jul 14, 2010 at 10:31 pm rating: 107
#2
Zinia
Better put a dictionary on that list of things to fetch.
Jul 14, 2010 at 10:32 pm rating: 35
#3
Ianthe
“Observe, as the Suburban American marks her territory, using a few choice pieces of IKEA furniture and a passive-aggressive MINEMINEMINE letter.”
I’d be sorely tempted to move all of her patio furniture into her room, put a folding chair and poker table in its place, and be all “What now, wench?”
Jul 14, 2010 at 10:33 pm rating: 75
#4
John
Well, she already said not to store things on the patio, so really, she shouldn’t be keeping her furniture out there. You’d be doing her a favor by moving it…
Jul 14, 2010 at 10:39 pm rating: 90
#5
Roundredhead
If this same neighbor has also left a note telling them that the patio is not a storage area, I think they should remind her of that policy and point out that she has no right to store her personal patio furniture on the communal patio. She should be required to haul it back up to her apartment when she isn’t sitting on it.
Jul 14, 2010 at 10:41 pm rating: 103
#6
SB
How can a dog person be such an asshole?
Jul 14, 2010 at 10:46 pm rating: 25
#7
la
oh, dog people are frequently assholes…as evidenced by the mounds of dog shit in my front yard on a regular basis (I don’t have a dog).
Jul 14, 2010 at 11:07 pm rating: 33
#8
wright1
“Furnature”? Ooo, hope Amanda doesn’t have a closet Furry as well as a passive-aggressive cast-iron b*tch to deal with…
But yeah; Ianthe, John and Roundredhead have the right idea: get all that clutter off the communal patio and IN HER FACE.
Jul 14, 2010 at 11:25 pm rating: 8
#9
TippingCows
I think you’d be doing everyone a favor if you came out with a note of your own.
“The shared patio is not a storage area. Please take all belongings/furniture to your apartment after each use.
And don’t forget our WET ‘N’ WILD BBQ we’re having next FRIDAY! Bring your own food, utensils, and drinks. Please sign up on the sheet below and let us know what you’ll be bringing for yourself! Also, bring your own water balloons.”
THX SANDRA
Jul 14, 2010 at 11:43 pm rating: 98
#10
Andi
Yup, I woulda told her to get her shit off the patio unless she wanted to share nicely.
Jul 15, 2010 at 12:14 am rating: 10
#11
strangelove
Great suggestions, all. But too much work. I’d just use the patio furniture at will, and liberally. It’s a communal space, after all, not some storage area. Meh ~ if it comes to it, who knows what the hell *furnature* is? Is it furnace related? Too confusing to bother with.
Jul 15, 2010 at 12:16 am rating: 28
#12
snatchbeast
Burn it in the communal fire pit!
Jul 15, 2010 at 1:41 am rating: 5
#13
Wolverine Girl
So basically she’s saying leave the furnature alone. On the other hand, feel free to use the furniture whenever you want.
Jul 15, 2010 at 1:46 am rating: 20
#14
Canthz_B
I’d hate to be invited to stay the night…
“Hey, nice couch.”
“Don’t sit there, I bought that couch!”
“What’s on TV?”
“Don’t watch that, I bought that TV!”
“Guess I’ll turn in then.”
“Not there, I bought that bed!”
“Wanna fool around instead? ♥”
“We can’t…you bought those tits!”
Jul 15, 2010 at 1:47 am rating: 28
#15
Froget Menot
A dingo ate all my furnature !
Jul 15, 2010 at 1:52 am rating: 0
#16
Froget Menot
“Thy neighbour furnature thou shalt covet not , nor thy ox, nor thy ass”
Remuve, expal and binish your very eyes
Eeeets Miiiiinne …(head spin)
Jul 15, 2010 at 2:54 am rating: 4
#17
Wallace
I like the fact that the black-inked ‘thanks’ was added as an afterthought, as if that made the note ok…
I suggest taking as much stuff as possible to the patio and labelling it all; ‘Mine. Do Not Use’. Items such as tents, old mattresses, sofas, collection of old clothes, kitchen utensils etc would be perfect. Afterall, it has now become a storage area. Oh, and buy her a child’s book on how to share.
Jul 15, 2010 at 3:02 am rating: 11
#18
Canthz_B
Really, is it so hard to spell “fernacher”?
Jul 15, 2010 at 3:03 am rating: 29
#19
Froget Menot
The legend of the Furnature song
(School of Mock)
Well there’s just one problem there
It was me that first got here
Just you behave and walk the line ,
because its miiiiiiiiiiiiiiine
Only gods own such a furnature
plastified n’made to measure
Read my lips, my Ouija board
Of zee Outback ,i am the Looord !
Dont you touch the plastic covers
get your paws off my eezy recliner
i get my kicks out of seein them sitting there
Ich bin ein Berliner Mauer hemlichen Verehrer !
Jul 15, 2010 at 3:50 am rating: 4
#20
Splint Chesthair
This is easy to solve. Leave a note that says:
Since the patio is shared between the three apartments, please remove your patio furniture from the patio when you are not present.
Or just deal with people using your furniture.
Jul 15, 2010 at 7:11 am rating: 28
#21
jayskinner70
OMG – I can’t believe I get to be the one to say it…
That furnature was fucking delicious!
Whew, that was much easier than I had anticipated.
Jul 15, 2010 at 7:58 am rating: 5
#22
me
Maybe you should stop slamming the door, I have neighbors who do and it is very annoying.
Jul 15, 2010 at 8:17 am rating: 1
#23
HandyMarigolds
Where can I get custom “Things to Suck” stationery, with pictures of body parts in the margins?
Jul 15, 2010 at 8:46 am rating: 17
#24
Froget Menot
…And no prowling around my fakir sunbed either..
I see yore awry move(s) from behind my iron shower curtain.
Jul 15, 2010 at 9:21 am rating: 0
#25
Loosyanna Man
Sounds like time to break out the plinkin’ gun and some skunk scent.
Jul 15, 2010 at 9:46 am rating: 6
#26
debchasteen
It seems to me that then the residents of the other two apartments should inform her that space on the patio will now be allotted in thirds, so she needs to remove any furniture from the two thirds that are not “her” space. Or, of course, she could pick up a pro-rated part of the rent for her use of the entire space…
Jul 15, 2010 at 10:06 am rating: 17
#27
oi
I don’t think anybody has thought of it this simple comeback yet. If she thinks patio is not a storage place then she should remove her personal furniture every time she is done with it. It’s that simple! Why nobody has thought of it yet?!
Jul 15, 2010 at 10:54 am rating: 16
#28
oi
May be she comes late from work thinking that she will sip her coffee in the patio but always finds that her furnature is occupied by others.
or could be just like my other roommate who valued her earthly possessions more than her life. She would seriously have heart attack if I had used her scrubbing sponge to clean my dishes.
Jul 15, 2010 at 10:59 am rating: 1
#29
PeeDee
This is easy. Super glue + $20 in pennies = Vengence Folk Art
Jul 15, 2010 at 11:13 am rating: 14
#30
Dr. Kristin
I hope the tenants print this post and nail it to her door so that she may learn the error of her ways!
You can’t go through life being nasty to other people.
Jul 15, 2010 at 12:05 pm rating: 6
#31
Nack
A note back “Communal Space, you don’t want us to Use It, Move It.”
The other stuff though, slamming doors and junking up the patio…not so crazy with three apartments to deal with.
Jul 15, 2010 at 12:37 pm rating: 5
#32
John
Hey neighbor,
Your furniture was not approved for storage on the patio. Please remove.
Thanks!
Jul 15, 2010 at 1:34 pm rating: 7
#33
TeacherLady
I would take my big ol’ golden retriever out there and brush him right next to the furniture. When everything was coated in his undercoat, I’d leave her a note, “Sorry, it’s the nature of fur.”
Jul 15, 2010 at 2:08 pm rating: 13
#34
H for Toy
I need to get glasses. I read $20 in penises. Then again, that could be some interesting art as well.
Jul 15, 2010 at 3:25 pm rating: 7
#35
Canthz_B
I wonder if this is a three-family house like my sister owns. If so, the homeowner may live in one apartment and has placed some patio furniture on her patio.
If not, maybe the tenant whose apartment opens onto the patio pays extra rent for the deck.
The other tenants misunderstand that they were rented an apartment only, not including the patio and backyard.
Can you imagine “the people upstairs” hanging out on your patio, outside your apartment, lounging on your furniture?
Jul 16, 2010 at 2:01 am rating: 2
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