Daddy, why are all the cages empty?

July 15th, 2010 · 122 comments

You’re a zookeeper. You’re sick of answering the same damn question all day long. How do you handle it?

Well, there’s the PC approach…

Our octopus has completed its life cycle. A new octopus will be here soon.

The pedantic approach…

Writes Sarah in Los Angeles:

And then there’s my personal favorite, the German approach.

Why did you feed me to death? Feeding our animals is forbidden! In remembrance of our Pony

(Thanks to Gina in Cincinnati, Sarah in Los Angeles, and Andrea in Berlin for their submissions!)

related: Don’t die; it’s expensive

FILED UNDER: animal welfare · Berlin · Deutsche · Kentucky · most popular notes of 2010 · New Jersey


122 responses so far ↓

  • #1   Jen

    The place where I work just says “exhibit in development”
    We clearly need better signs.

    Jul 15, 2010 at 5:15 pm   rating: 61  small thumbs up

     
  • #2   HandyMarigolds

    No better epitaph than “Why did you feed me to death?”

    I want that on my tombstone!

    Jul 15, 2010 at 5:26 pm   rating: 257  small thumbs up

    • #2.1   The Elf

      You only get that if you also have the nickname “Snowman” included on the stone.

      Handy “Snowman” Marigolds.
      19xx-20xx.
      Why did you feed me to death?

      Jul 16, 2010 at 8:17 am   rating: 34  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.2   beanster

      i plan on living longer than 2099. i find your hypothetical date of death insulting to my optimism.

      Jul 18, 2010 at 11:23 pm   rating: 81  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #3   The Great Joe Bivins

    Little German children wake up screaming, their dreams haunted by vengeful gluttonous ponies.

    Jul 15, 2010 at 5:47 pm   rating: 134  small thumbs up

    • #3.1   Mo®

      I am sooooo sorry pretty pretty Fat pony!!!
      AIEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

      Jul 16, 2010 at 8:49 am   rating: 16  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.2   Amy L. Campbell

      Vengeful gluttonous ponies are the least of German children’s worries. Have you read some of their folktales? They are a messed up (and wonderful) people.

      Jul 21, 2010 at 9:13 pm   rating: 32  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #4   Andi

    Oh yeah, I love the last one. Doncha know humans need blunt to get it through their skulls?

    Jul 15, 2010 at 6:04 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

    • #4.1   mamason bang

      Hmmm… A blunt would be nice.

      Jul 16, 2010 at 12:28 pm   rating: 18  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.2   Gandalf

      Yeah! But then come the munchies. It’s a vicious cycle.

      Jul 16, 2010 at 2:08 pm   rating: 14  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.3   mamason bang

      I have some yummy fattened pony roasting. We can start with the pony foie gras.

      Jul 16, 2010 at 2:26 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.4   Froget menot

      @mademoiselle mamason
      Ratatouille de poney au Pieuvre vert was Dali’s favourite dish.

      Jul 16, 2010 at 2:45 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.5   infant tyrone bang

      Isn’t that pony in the Hansel und Gretel variant where Hansel says to the old witch, “Schrauben Sie Sie und das Pferd, in dem Sie darauf ritten!” ?

      Jul 16, 2010 at 4:26 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #5   infant tyrone bang

    Mommy, can we donate that old VHS tape rewinder to the aquarium ?
    Maybe if they rewind the octopus it can play again.
    Do you think they need seven more to make it work right ?

    Jul 15, 2010 at 7:00 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

     
  • #6   wright1

    “Well, little Billy, are you SURE the cages are empty? Why don’t you lean in and take a closer look…?”

    (foot poised, URBAN PRIMATE plaque held behind back…)

    Jul 15, 2010 at 7:03 pm   rating: 42  small thumbs up

    • #6.1   infant tyrone bang

      Little Billy needs a vuvuzela to play a pretty song for the shy animals.

      Jul 15, 2010 at 9:11 pm   rating: 20  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.2   wright1

      I’m sure the cheetahs in particular would appreciate it.

      Jul 16, 2010 at 3:47 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.3   Froget menot

      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9NL7nP61-hk

      Jul 16, 2010 at 4:19 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.4   infant tyrone bang

      I think Little Billy and his vuvuzela would prove
      the exception to the old myth that “Cheetahs never win”.

      Jul 16, 2010 at 5:49 pm   rating: 13  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #7   QuarterRoy00 bang

    That pony must have been a lovely snack for Death during his German holiday.

    Jul 15, 2010 at 7:11 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

    • #7.1   Mo®

      Only after he played a nice game of chess.

      Jul 16, 2010 at 8:50 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.2   Canthz_B bang

      “Have food. Will travel to afterlife.”

      –Paladin

      Jul 16, 2010 at 8:56 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.3   infant tyrone bang

      Wash down that horse with a pony* of (Richard**) Boone’s Farm “wine” ?

      * http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pony_glass

      ** http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7WPWoftenxE

      Jul 16, 2010 at 4:34 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.4   infant tyrone bang

      Only after he played a nice game of chess.

      Or, as Bergman’s mentor, Proctor, would later exclaim:
      Hey, it’s Leftenant Behind of the Seventh Seal Cavalry !”

      Jul 18, 2010 at 10:29 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #8   dixiechick

    That pony was fucking… >sigh< No. I can't do it.

    Jul 15, 2010 at 7:21 pm   rating: 36  small thumbs up

    • #8.1   zenvelo

      the PONY is saying” that feed from the kids was fucking delicious!”

      Jul 15, 2010 at 7:34 pm   rating: 11  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.2   Fridge Pirate

      The pony was fucking delicious!

      Jul 15, 2010 at 7:54 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.3   Jonathan

      Can’t do your job, dixiechick? There’s 100 people in line that’ll do it for ya for less than a nickel an hour. See? So hup to!

      Jul 15, 2010 at 8:14 pm   rating: 23  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #9   Na

    I love the last one, makes people fully realise the consequences of feeding the animals and not obeying the rules.

    Jul 15, 2010 at 7:46 pm   rating: 17  small thumbs up

    • #9.1   farcical aquatic ceremony

      are you sure you didn’t like the pedantic one best?

      Jul 15, 2010 at 10:02 pm   rating: 41  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #10   Fridge Pirate

    The octopus was fucking delicious!

    Jul 15, 2010 at 7:56 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #10.1   JetJackson

      Seriously Fridge Pirate… one more fucking delicious comment out of you and I am going to have to complete your life cycle!

      Jul 15, 2010 at 9:53 pm   rating: 75  small thumbs up

       
    • #10.2   Canthz_B bang

      Jokes are like zoo animals…they grow old and die.

      Jul 16, 2010 at 12:16 am   rating: 62  small thumbs up

       
    • #10.3   Team Me

      That’s what she said.

      Jul 16, 2010 at 10:54 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #10.4   Monkeygirl

      CB- Apparently you are only half right. The good news is that infant tyrone now owes you $2

      Jul 16, 2010 at 12:15 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #10.5   infant tyrone bang

      Monkeygirl,
      OK, I’m happy to pay this time.
      I know CB will use the money for something good.
      But I’m not sure I can continue indefinitely, unless, of course, you happen to know someone who’s in the market for inane babble at a penny a word.

      Jul 16, 2010 at 4:05 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #10.6   Froget menot

      UH .. PAWs are all claws tonite.

      Jul 16, 2010 at 4:30 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #10.7   infant tyrone bang

      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J6gdm-RgqQg

      Jul 16, 2010 at 6:12 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #11   Fridge Pirate

    The ocelot, leopard, and reindeers were fucking delicious!

    Jul 15, 2010 at 7:59 pm   rating: 11  small thumbs up

     
  • #12   ISpy

    Is there anything Fridge Pirate won’t eat?

    Jul 15, 2010 at 9:35 pm   rating: 33  small thumbs up

    • #12.1   The Elf

      German children?

      Jul 16, 2010 at 8:19 am   rating: 11  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.2   Mo®

      Your mom?

      Jul 16, 2010 at 8:51 am   rating: 19  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.3   The Elf

      No, I’d say that would depend upon the quality of his technique.

      Jul 16, 2010 at 9:37 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.4   infant tyrone bang

      Has anyone seen my pet crow ?

      Jul 16, 2010 at 9:40 am   rating: 11  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.5   Froget menot

      I was starving.
      Wouldnt have happened if you had removed the bloody bird from my patio furnature,which you can do now.

      Jul 16, 2010 at 10:30 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.6   infant tyrone bang

      Sorry, don’t think I can help take off that dead bird.
      It might be within my pay grade, but I’m not type rated for ex-animate.

      Use the old Luigi Galvani jump-start-the-frog with DC current trick.
      It may not be kcinematic, but if you just want him off the chesterfield, that’s not very far as the crow fries.

      Jul 16, 2010 at 6:01 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #13   shwonline bang

    Our octopus has completed its life cycle.
    A new octopus will be here soon.
    In the meantime, try our new fried “calamari” appetizer!

    Jul 15, 2010 at 9:39 pm   rating: 73  small thumbs up

    • #13.1   Kay

      Thanks, the calamari was fucking delicious.

      Jul 15, 2010 at 10:52 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

       
    • #13.2   clumber

      I hark back to the days of youth when my Daddy would spin tales about his dream businesses… such as the combination Fish Hospital and Seafood Restaurant…. Fabulous stories and sound business plans.

      Jul 20, 2010 at 1:55 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #14   shwonline bang

    Look, mommy, a talking pony! What are you saying, talking pony? What? Oh, no! Mommy, it’s a talking zombie pony! ZOMBIE PONY!

    Jul 15, 2010 at 9:45 pm   rating: 39  small thumbs up

    • #14.1   seacurs bang

      A horse is a horse of course of course. Unless it’s a zombie pony.

      Jul 15, 2010 at 10:09 pm   rating: 31  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.2   The Elf

      The famous Mr. Dead?

      Jul 16, 2010 at 8:22 am   rating: 38  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #15   Having Fitz

    Okay, perhaps I shouldn’t have fed the octopus, the reindeer, the ocelots, and the leopard to the pony…

    Jul 15, 2010 at 10:42 pm   rating: 51  small thumbs up

     
  • #16   Canthz_B bang

    Nothing like paying an arm and a leg to take your kids to the “zoo”, only to find out that Mom and Pop keep only one of everything (except the vermin in the cafeteria), and half of what they do have is either dead, sick or hibernating.

    Jul 16, 2010 at 12:22 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #16.1   mamason bang

      We don’t have to pay to enter the zoo in DC, and it’s still very disappointing when many of the displays are closed. I started doing impressions of the animals that were supposed to be there the last time we went. It caused a bit of a stir when we got to the chimpanzee exhibit and the poo flinging began. Papa won’t take me to the zoo anymore.

      Jul 16, 2010 at 12:38 pm   rating: 25  small thumbs up

       
    • #16.2   Canthz_B bang

      The Bronx Zoo cost me hardly a finger, but tiny Turtleback Zoo nearly ate into my child support money.

      Go figure.

      Jul 16, 2010 at 10:47 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #16.3   Scribbles the Monkey bang

      You’re telling me! I go to the zoo, not to see just ONE of everything, but to see TWO of everything… Getting it ON.

      Jul 19, 2010 at 9:10 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #16.4   Canthz_B bang

      Noah’s Ark is a great name for a zoo, but (as we learn in comment 18.1 below) wild animals don’t procreate well without Man.

      Or maybe they don’t procreate well because of Man.

      Jul 20, 2010 at 4:02 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #17   Anon in MI

    Leave it to the Germans to turn *everything* into an overly dramatic episode. ;)

    Jul 16, 2010 at 12:25 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #17.1   Scribbles the Monkey bang

      No kidding, first World War II and now this!

      Jul 19, 2010 at 9:10 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #17.2   clumber

      ummm… wouldn’t World War I be first by definition?

      Jul 20, 2010 at 1:57 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #18   Canthz_B bang

    I may not be that bright, but it seems to me that if you start with a boy animal and a girl animal, they tend to make more animals.
    That would both cut down on transport costs to replace old ones, and make for a nice revenue stream selling the offspring to other zoos.
    Zoo keeping really ought to be a pretty sustainable industry…it’s as easy as sex!!

    Jul 16, 2010 at 12:28 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #18.1   Calia

      The only problem with that is that sometimes the animals refuse to have sex (Pandas are notorious for this, as are many kinds of cats)… or are related and not allowed to have offspring due to inbreeding… or are too dangerous to one another…

      Actually, there’s a lot of reasons that “zoo babies” aren’t all that common.
      I volunteered at the local zoo for a summer :)

      Jul 16, 2010 at 1:21 am   rating: 17  small thumbs up

       
    • #18.2   Canthz_B bang

      Yeah, I know the Giant Pandas at most mom and pop zoos aren’t exactly Bonobos in the sex department, but your average Ocelot would appreciate the odd hand job to obtain i.v.f. material.

      Jul 16, 2010 at 1:41 am   rating: 10  small thumbs up

       
    • #18.3   infant tyrone bang

      Thanks to the media’s soft spot for big, cuddly-looking subjects and their sex shortages (Dr. Phil, Oprah) we’re all hip to the Giant Panda problem.

      But please tell me you got that ocelot fact somewhere on the internet…

      Jul 16, 2010 at 9:47 am   rating: 14  small thumbs up

       
    • #18.4   Sarah

      For gorillas, there can be only one adult male that’s not related to the females in the group. So when the leading male gorilla dies, the group needs a new male gorilla from a different zoo. Usually they exchange it for a related-to-the-females male gorilla from their own group.

      Jul 16, 2010 at 10:25 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #18.5   Froget menot

      Usted tiene evidencias de los Gatos “pajeros” !!!
      y usted tambien es sordo ?

      Jul 16, 2010 at 1:17 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #18.6   Mo®

      Es gibt in meinem Aale aufgedunsen hose!

      Jul 16, 2010 at 1:49 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #18.7   Canthz_B bang

      Guess you didn’t get my point, which is…this sign was obviously not posted by a major zoo.
      Exotic or rare isn’t their specialty, though they were able to acquire a few back in the good old days when all you had to show was a locked cage to qualify. (Frankly, I felt more sorry for than awe inspired by, Turtleback’s lone Mountain Lion some years ago. She looked so sad in her pen even my young daughters remarked about it.)
      Probably just a step or two above above petting zoo status, so if they can’t breed what are probably mostly farm animals, fuck ‘em. ;-)

      Jul 16, 2010 at 11:27 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #19   meri

    life cycle…like Logan’s Run? That octopus never had a chance.

    Jul 16, 2010 at 1:44 am   rating: 16  small thumbs up

     
  • #20   Froget menot

    .. Coming to getya …

    G.W Octopony.

    Jul 16, 2010 at 4:25 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

     
  • #21   wfa

    I worked at a zoo and caught people feeding fries to the otters; signs are not enough, I suggest savage beatings.

    Jul 16, 2010 at 6:46 am   rating: 49  small thumbs up

    • #21.1   HappyNat

      I could never condone beating a otter, savagely or otherwise. Well, maybe if it ate the last onion ring.

      Jul 16, 2010 at 8:55 am   rating: 37  small thumbs up

       
    • #21.2   The Elf

      It didn’t eat it. It hid it under the couch.

      Jul 16, 2010 at 2:30 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #21.3   TippingCows

      Aw poor animals. I guess it doesn’t surprise me that people would a) ignore signs and b) have no idea that feeding animals human food would be harmful to them. Heck, it’s harmful to us.
      Poor Snowman!

      Jul 17, 2010 at 6:33 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
    • #21.4   clumber

      why I otter….

      Jul 20, 2010 at 1:59 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #22   Christine

    I love that the Germans have a single word that means “to feed to death.”

    Jul 16, 2010 at 7:05 am   rating: 61  small thumbs up

    • #22.1   Canthz_B bang

      They have one for “to starve to death” too…starts with an H.

      Jul 16, 2010 at 8:40 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #22.2   HappyNat

      Clearly the pony wasn’t Jewish.

      Too soon?

      Jul 16, 2010 at 8:55 am   rating: 10  small thumbs up

       
    • #22.3   Canthz_B bang

      Maybe so. They fed him Zyclon B.

      Jul 16, 2010 at 8:58 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #22.4   Vivi

      You can make up new compound words in German as you need them.
      i.e. “tot” (dead) + “gefüttert” (fed) = “totgefüttert” (fed until dead)

      Technically, it should be two words, like:
      “blau” (blue) + “gestrichen” (painted) = “blau gestrichen” (painted blue). But that rule only applies for adjectives that have a comparative form. And since you can’t feed a pony deader than dead…

      Seriously though, it’s just colloquial German. “to feed to death” would be better translated as “zu Tode gefüttert”.

      Jul 16, 2010 at 1:17 pm   rating: 37  small thumbs up

       
    • #22.5   Canthz_B bang

      Teachers get really bored during the summer months, huh? :lol:

      Jul 20, 2010 at 4:09 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #22.6   Vivi

      Possibly, but Germans read this site, too. :P
      (And I hate to spread half-truths to the world. It’s the scientist in me.)

      Jul 20, 2010 at 12:23 pm   rating: 11  small thumbs up

       
    • #22.7   Canthz_B bang

      Ha! Talk about stereotypes…a German scientist?
      You must be mad! :-P

      Jul 22, 2010 at 1:01 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #23   Froget menot

    C ‘mon lets play Toys r’them!

    Team Santa and The Serengeti Allspots.

    Jul 16, 2010 at 7:19 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

     
  • #24   Angela

    They should sell the first signs to people trying to explain death to their kids. “Grandpa has completed his life cycle.”

    Jul 16, 2010 at 7:46 am   rating: 32  small thumbs up

     
  • #25   Zapakh

    The octopus was excellent.

    Here is an external photo that epitomizes the great circle of life.

    http://www.google.com/maps?ie=UTF8&hq=&hnear=Cincinnati,+Hamilton,+Ohio+45206&ll=39.094926,-84.49711&spn=0.005604,0.010364&z=17&layer=c&cbll=39.094926,-84.49711&cbp=12,0,,0,5&photoid=po-18568340

    Jul 16, 2010 at 8:35 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #26   Helena

    You know you’re PMSing when … you start to cry about these random zoo animals being dead. Not so much for the octopus (sorry, little—big?—fellow!), but that reindeer bit really got me. This seems like a clear indication that it’s time to pop another Midol.

    Jul 16, 2010 at 8:42 am   rating: 11  small thumbs up

    • #26.1   Froget menot

      Oooooh you mean that s how they select new critters for the zoos in america!
      and.. are there Tapdancing zebras on Pop Midol ?

      A concerned french citizen.

      Jul 16, 2010 at 2:09 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #27   nebraskawhit

    That is terrible about the pony. People do really need to be told things like this bluntly or else they will never get it. At our local children’s zoo, they lost one of their seals because kids would throw rocks at it and it would eat the rocks!! WTH is wrong with people? Can’t parents teach their children the difference between right and wrong?! “Come on Jimmy, now aim for it’s head.” SO WRONG.

    Jul 16, 2010 at 9:08 am   rating: 15  small thumbs up

    • #27.1   mamason bang

      Clearly, that seal committed suicide. You never hear of seals dieing in the wild from eating rocks and there are way more rocks available outside of the seal enclosure than inside no matter how many little Jimmy has managed to chuck in. Or, the seal was just dumber than, let’s say, little Jimmy’s bag of rocks. It all comes down to natural selection either way. Weakness will not be tolerated.

      Jul 16, 2010 at 12:57 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

       
    • #27.2   Froget menot

      and otterance is bliss..

      Jul 16, 2010 at 1:46 pm   rating: 15  small thumbs up

       
    • #27.3   wright1

      I’ve seen a few wild otters; the well-fed ones seemed fairly blissful. Who knows though, maybe that was their one good day…

      Jul 16, 2010 at 3:56 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #27.4   infant tyrone bang

      Otters have to stay blissed out.
      Otherwise they go ape and do stuff that winds them up in jail.
      They’ll even get convicted on what would otherwise be hearsay.
      You haven’t heard of the exception in the case of an excited otterance ?

      Jul 16, 2010 at 6:08 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #27.5   Froget menot

      “Otters to undergo pathos surgery to remove logos and straighten ethos ”
      Blue otterskin shoes ..they re expensive.

      Jul 16, 2010 at 6:39 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #27.6   park rose bang

      You might be getting otters mixed up with beavers, ty.

      Jul 16, 2010 at 7:39 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #27.7   Froget menot

      @Parkrose Hi :)

      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cJFB0roVxaM

      you can.

      Jul 17, 2010 at 6:36 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #28   oi bang

    and here I was wondering how come death missed me three times? Now I know! Death is aging and needs others to complete his job.

    Jul 16, 2010 at 10:41 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #29   Froget menot

    Braten Sie sie mit Knoblauch und Petersilie, mein liebe …

    Jul 16, 2010 at 1:54 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #29.1   Mo®

      Mit Knoblauch und Speck ist alles besser.

      Jul 16, 2010 at 3:49 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #29.2   Froget menot

      Diese Aale Geruch von Domino Pizza! Aufruf des Chefs!

      Jul 16, 2010 at 4:14 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #30   Xenobiologista

    THE GERMANS KILLED THE OCTOPUS!!!
    .
    .
    .
    .
    ^ in case any clueless US Americans are reading this, please Google “paul the octopus world cup semifinal”.

    Jul 17, 2010 at 8:46 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #30.1   Canthz_B bang

      As a US American, I must ask…How do you Google?…we’re clueless, you know? :lol:

      Jul 19, 2010 at 2:04 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

       
    • #30.2   Russian

      They Did Kill The Octopus!!!!! RIP Paul

      Nov 5, 2010 at 2:22 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #31   RunForTheRoses

    The poor pony… Tried to be an international supermodel but they laughed her off the catwalk. Forced to move out of her mod flat, and reduced to life in the confines of a German zoo, she drowned her sorrows in carrots and cheap grain. A vicious binge-purge cycle commenced, and the zookeepers tried to stop it with signs. Despairing, jacked up on coke, and dreaming of taaaaaasty apples, she escaped and ate the octopus. It’s all a big coverup. And the octopus was fucking delicious…

    Jul 17, 2010 at 11:06 am   rating: 14  small thumbs up

     
  • #32   pilgrimchick

    Incredible–really. The last one literally renders one speechless.

    Jul 18, 2010 at 10:43 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #33   saint gobnet

    The last one just looks like someone made bubbles and typed it in via Photoshop. Am I the only one who thinks this?

    Jul 18, 2010 at 12:10 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #33.1   Kerry bang

      Um, yes, I did add the English-language bubbles. Assuming that most readers of this website aren’t fluent in German, I figured a bit of translation would be helpful.

      Jul 18, 2010 at 8:33 pm   rating: 31  small thumbs up

       
    • #33.2   clumber

      And t’was, Kerry. T’was indeed and I thank you.

      (I can only recall my HS German when I am trying to remember my college Spanish. Yeah, my brain is a fucking laugh a minute….)

      Jul 20, 2010 at 2:02 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #34   sunshynegrll

    (sob) You killed Buttered Stuff!

    Jul 18, 2010 at 9:29 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #34.1   Meesh

      BUTTERCUP!!

      Jul 19, 2010 at 11:37 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #34.2   Kimmypie

      I didn’t know that horse was a diabetic!

      Nov 2, 2010 at 8:45 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #35   patrick

    I agree that summer is the worst possible time to acquire a new critter. Any new critter.

    Jul 19, 2010 at 1:01 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #35.1   Meesh

      Except scabies. Man, they LOVE hot weather and sweaty clothes!

      Jul 19, 2010 at 11:38 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #36   orinoco womble

    Yes, sometimes animals do grow old and die. Sometimes, they are fed too much and die.
    But sometimes, just sometimes, the park owners don’t know how to take care of the animals….or run out of money…and they still die.

    Jul 19, 2010 at 2:04 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #37   Brooklyn Jim

    Well, no sense letting a perfectly good pony go to waste. [drool!]

    Jul 19, 2010 at 7:44 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #38   Jolie Krystova

    Try showing them something spectacular! http://mytape.com/tbremmer/albums/1041/12233

    Aug 6, 2010 at 6:24 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #39   itsazoo

    Most zoo visitors consider it their right to do whatever they want in the name of their children having fun. The German sign would not have phased anyone at the zoo where I worked and the zoo frowned on negativity in its signage. It’s difficult, sometimes, not to call visitors dolts, ot worse.

    Aug 6, 2010 at 10:37 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

     
  • #40   Krissy

    what zoo is the german one?

    Aug 9, 2010 at 3:01 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #41   The most pitiful folk song never written | PassiveAggressiveNotes.com

    [...] couldn’t help but think of poor Snowman, the ill-fated pony from the German petting zoo (and as I see it, kindred spirit to this old lady in [...]

    Sep 25, 2010 at 12:33 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #42   Funniest (not necessarily passive-aggressive) notes of 2010 | PassiveAggressiveNotes.com

    [...] The saddest zoo in the world [...]

    Dec 31, 2010 at 12:41 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #43   Engagement Rings

    Well, at least the German’s used pictures to soften the message a bit. I think the second note, though, was the most PC. Although, I’m sure then a child would ask where the animals who died went…

    Mar 11, 2011 at 3:49 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     

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