God’s word is…well, a little confusing, at least for a 7-year-old.

July 18th, 2010 · 49 comments

Larissa in Tacoma, Washington recently sent her 7-year-old son, Silas, to a week of Bible camp. When he came home, Larissa says, she wondered if the experience hadn’t left him a bit…conflicted…especially after seeing the pillow he made during craft time.

(“Rouls,” by the way, is not Silas’s last name. That’s the 7-year-old spelling of “RULES.”)

Silas [rules] —  God's Word is Comforting —  DOOM

Meanwhile, I can see how the sign below, from a candy store in Rayne, Louisiana — which I assume was intended to deter this theft — could easily send a particular type of child into a tailspin of religious guilt.

Is God smiling? How do I know if God’s smiling? Does God like chocolate? I don’t think chocolate’s in the Bible. But Proverbs says: ‘My child, eat honey, for it is good.’ So maybe I should get a Bit o’ Honey instead. But a Bit o’ Honey costs more than 50 cents, and Mom said I could only spend 50 cents. So then I’d be dishonoring my parents, and that wouldn’t make God happy. So maybe I should…maybe I should….[bursts into tears]

Remember...God is watching you. Is He smiling or is He sad?

related: What Would Jesus Do for a Klondike Bar?

FILED UNDER: candy · God · guilt trip · Jesus · kids · Louisiana · not so much passive-aggressive · retail hell · Tacoma


49 responses so far ↓

  • #1   Sandi

    Depends if he has candy or not.

    Jul 18, 2010 at 8:49 pm   rating: 17  small thumbs up

    • #1.1   Woman on the Verge bang

      Jesus Christ! He’s watching me. How the hell should I know if he is smiling?

      Jul 19, 2010 at 3:42 pm   rating: 30  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #2   Elisha

    That pillow is so incredibly awesome. I want a replica for the thirtieth birthday

    Jul 18, 2010 at 8:50 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #2.1   The Elf

      I’m gonna sing the Doom Song now!

      Doom doom doo doom doom,
      doom doom do DOOM,
      DOOOM doom do-doom,
      DOOM do-doom doom doooom,
      doom doom dooom, do-do-DOOOM!

      Jul 19, 2010 at 10:46 am   rating: 24  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #3   JetJackson

    Firstly, if you are going to humanise God with facial expressions you are assuming God has a single face and expresses human emotions such as happiness and sadness expressed as a smile or frown. This God would be watching you and everyone else at the same time. Therefore I find it hard to concieve how a God with a single face could simultaneously produce expressions for every person on the planet. My point is that for all I know God is frowning at some kid making a pillow case at Bible camp in Washington and is sufficiently distracted for enough time for me to steal your candy.

    Jul 18, 2010 at 9:26 pm   rating: 82  small thumbs up

     
  • #4   infant tyrone bang

    If Silas says those are guitars at top-left
    and bottom-right, fine…party on, Garth.
    Otherwise maybe check the Rev’s name
    against that registered sex offender list.

    Jul 18, 2010 at 9:44 pm   rating: 23  small thumbs up

     
  • #5   infant tyrone bang

    I like how the letters on the two boxes behind the sign spell “BA-LONEY”.

    Jul 18, 2010 at 9:48 pm   rating: 69  small thumbs up

     
  • #6   larissa

    Silas’s pictures are definitely guitars. Only wieners if wieners now have strings and tuning pegs.

    Jul 18, 2010 at 10:18 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #6.1   infant tyrone bang

      Well, you have the direct info line, so rock on, Silas.
      The strings and tuning pegs don’t show up distinctly on my monitor,
      so I jumped to a worst case scenario, Sunday PAN being something like The Church of the Preposterous Assumption.

      I hope none of those body-modders stick their pierced noses in here tonight and pick up on the wieners with strings and tuning pegs idea.
      If they do, I hope they’re ukulele fans and not mandolin buffs.

      Jul 18, 2010 at 10:41 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.2   The Elf

      This one time, in Bible Camp…..

      Jul 19, 2010 at 10:58 am   rating: 11  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.3   Jonathan

      I don’t suppose that Stryper albums will really help anyone at this point.

      Jul 19, 2010 at 2:46 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.4   Noelegy

      You just made me flash back to my one experience at this uber-Baptist retreat weekend in OK (very famous, Southern Baptists would recognize the name immediately). I was not a Baptist, but many of my friends were and I was invited to go on this retreat. It was about a five-hour drive. Someone had a jambox on the bus and it was playing Petra (an 80s power-pop Christian band). One of the chaperones told us that we could not listen to rock music. The rebuttal was made that it was Christian rock music and therefore okay. The chaperone replied that since it SOUNDED like rock, it was not acceptable.

      Jul 22, 2010 at 9:12 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #7   Party in my pants

    The candy was fucking delicious!! Stolen or not!

    Jul 18, 2010 at 10:18 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #7.1   park rose bang

      Stolen fruit is the fucking deliciousest.

      Jul 19, 2010 at 5:13 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #8   drgrlfriend

    This is the candy shop in my hometown! They’re notorious for following everyone around the store & being seriously overpriced.

    Jul 18, 2010 at 11:12 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #8.1   Jill

      You’re from Rayne?? Were you as surprised as I was to see it mentioned here? Who would’ve thought?

      Jul 19, 2010 at 8:09 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.2   Jen Jen

      I was so shocked to see Rayne!! Who would have thought a town from down here would be on this site? =)

      Jul 19, 2010 at 10:52 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.3   Wolverine Girl

      If God is watching, then why the hell are they following you around? And isn’t there something in the Bible about not provoking children to wrath? If there was one thing in the world that made me wrathful when I was a kid, it was overpriced lollies. That, and being stalked around a shop by a creepy shopkeeper.

      Jul 20, 2010 at 3:01 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #9   shwonline bang

    If he’s watching me, he’s yawning and reaching for the remote.

    Jul 18, 2010 at 11:34 pm   rating: 41  small thumbs up

     
  • #10   Canthz_B bang

    Silas isn’t saying “DOOM”. That’s the 7-year-old spelling of “DOME” (as in “…of the Rock”).
    After a whole week of Bible Camp, Silas has converted to Islam.

    Jul 19, 2010 at 1:34 am   rating: 23  small thumbs up

     
  • #11   Canthz_B bang

    Why are they teaching Hopi(?) symbols and pirate flags at Bible Camp?
    Oh, how I miss that old-time religion!

    Jul 19, 2010 at 1:39 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #11.1   Jonathan

      Especially strange, considering that one Hopi prophecy indicated that white man arriving with a crucifix (without a wreath) was a harbinger of… wait for it… DOOM!

      Jul 19, 2010 at 3:03 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #12   Canthz_B bang

    Yeah, guilt me with threats of God’s disfavor, while simultaneously tempting me with handy shoplifting bags.
    Someone here’s going to Hell, and it ain’t me, Bub!!

    Jul 19, 2010 at 1:49 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #12.1   Froget menot

      “And how much for these disposable vomiting bags ?”

      Linda Blair.

      Jul 19, 2010 at 5:30 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #13   Canthz_B bang

    I think we should take Silas’ word on the prediction of Doom.

    After all, he’s seen the future firsthand. Why else would he show us that he’s come back through Irwin Allen’s Time Tunnel?

    jfgi

    Jul 19, 2010 at 1:54 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #13.1   infant tyrone bang

      Silas mighta actually gone to heaven.
      Check out the design about 40 seconds into the clip.
      Of course that design might be copying the Time Tunnel swirl,
      Which all leads us up and back to heaven ?

      They say that heaven is like TV
      A perfect little world that doesn’t really need you
      And everything there is made of light
      And the days keep going by
      Here they come

      http://www.livevideo.com/video/60B5714ACDFB4753AA117FA2F1C1FC16/laurie-anderson-strange-ange.aspx

      Jul 19, 2010 at 10:27 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #14   Canthz_B bang

    I’ve tried God’s Word as a pick-up line.

    Did you know telling a woman “Love me or suffer my wrath.” results in a pretty hefty fine eight times out of ten? 8-O

    Jul 19, 2010 at 2:27 am   rating: 22  small thumbs up

    • #14.1   FeRD bang

      Um, yes. In fact, I’m gay (and male), yet I pretty much assumed that was the case. :)
      I guess some people just gotta find out first-hand! *sigh*

      Jul 19, 2010 at 4:52 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.2   Jessica Sideways

      Mmm hmm, if you want to love a woman like a god loves her, you’re definitely earning yourself some stalking and domestic violence charges, along with restraining orders galore.

      Dec 26, 2010 at 3:11 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #15   Canthz_B bang

    God’s Word is comforting.

    Man’s Church is too cheap to print that on a comforter.

    Jul 19, 2010 at 2:36 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #15.1   FeRD bang

      Wouldn’t that be sort of redundant? Like going to a concert wearing the t-shirt of the band you’re going to see? “Don’t be that guy!

      Jul 19, 2010 at 4:58 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #15.2   Canthz_B bang

      Don’t you mean “preaching to the choir”?

      Bible camp in a nutshell. ;-)

      Jul 19, 2010 at 9:08 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #16   Froget menot

    If Silas thinks God’s word is a doom-doom bullet
    he’s got a hollow point there..

    Jul 19, 2010 at 2:37 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #16.1   Canthz_B bang

      Bang up job!
      You certainly shot from the hip on that one!
      Keep it up. Don’t go off half-cocked, and you won’t be a flash in the pan around here! :-)

      Jul 19, 2010 at 2:40 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #17   Froget menot

    Thanks CB , i can try ..
    my full mental jacket s got impacts in the back though .. Drycleaners are not what they used to be.

    Jul 19, 2010 at 4:08 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #17.1   Canthz_B bang

      Try wearing a Gigglebrax brand vest.
      Real high caliber protection! LOL

      Jul 19, 2010 at 4:28 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #17.2   Froget menot

      Touché (e)! MDR = french lol :)

      Jul 19, 2010 at 9:07 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #18   Canthz_B bang

    I wonder what comforts Silas more while he’s away at “camp”, a “God’s Word” pillow, or his AT&T cell phone tucked under it?

    ♫ Hello, Mudda, Hello Fadda, Here I am at, Camp Doubt Nada…♫

    Jul 19, 2010 at 4:46 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #18.1   FeRD bang

      If it’s a contest between an AT&T cell phone and God’s Word, I’d say Silas really is DOOMed — he’s got about the same chance of getting a signal from either of them!

      Jul 19, 2010 at 5:00 am   rating: 18  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #19   Froget menot

    Kids..these are CFA s
    Unique , chewy & Everlasting

    *****Candy from Above*******
    The only genuine guilt laden bon-bon .

    Jul 19, 2010 at 5:44 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #20   Meesh

    Man, it’s going to be SO ironic when Silas’s stepdad smothers him with that pillow! DOOM is right!

    Jul 19, 2010 at 11:54 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #20.1   park rose

      Silas’ stepdad is Chief Bromden? Silas is Randle Patrick McMurphy?
      My pug is making more sense than me at present, but I’ve had a merry band of pranksters playing at my conscious and otherwise ever since I saw this comment. By the way, the pug is trying to get me to play squirrel with him (a stuffed toy he throws about with gay abandon – that one’s for you, FeRD). Two yummy beers to the wind. Might leave it there.

      Jul 19, 2010 at 11:26 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #20.2   FeRD bang

      *LIKE* Gay pugs are the best!

      Jul 27, 2010 at 12:08 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #21   Froget menot

    And that very last serpentine line conveys a subliminal message i presume..
    Crawl , little sinners ?
    Snake on the loose ?
    Venomously yours?
    Help needed ..

    Jul 19, 2010 at 1:51 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #22   The voice of... James Mason

    Well… God WAS watching you… but he was fucking delicious…!

    Jul 19, 2010 at 3:09 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #23   mamason bang

    Well, Silas. Isn’t that special? Where ever did you get your design idea? Hmm? Could it be… SATAN? 8-O

    Jul 19, 2010 at 3:18 pm   rating: 12  small thumbs up

     
  • #24   AorD

    Silas, your Doom pillow has made my day. I enjoyed writing that sentence. That is all.

    Jul 21, 2010 at 8:27 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #25   Chris

    Not sure, but I can tell you he’s masterbating furiously

    Aug 4, 2010 at 4:57 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #25.1   SarahWoopWoop bang

      Actually it’s “masturbating”. Just saying.

      Nov 30, 2010 at 10:42 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     

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