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The bathroom battle of the sexes…a true race to the bottom.

July 21st, 2010 · 79 comments

Though your attention might have drifted ever so briefly, I’d like to reassure you that the ongoing debate over which restrooms (men’s or women’s) are the foulest continues to rage on — and yes, it’s as nauseating as ever!

I literally received these two submissions — the first from an EMT school in Massachusetts, the second from a non-profit in D.C. — within minutes of each other. Mere coincidence? Or a cosmic clue from the Internet gods that it was time for a showdown between “Angulated Rectum Guy” and “The Queen of Diahrriah?” Okay, that was a gimme. The real question: who would you rather share a loo with?

Exhibit A) as witnessed by Josh in Fall River, Mass.

Hey...... There is no Excuse for leaving the toilet covered in Feces (that is shit in case you didn't know). So...... Whoever is the guy with the angulated Rectum... Please do one of the following: A. Sit down on the seat... it is clean, we pay a cleaning staff! B. See a Dr. ... You have a problem! C. Clean up after yourself! Non of us should be exposed to it..

Exhibit B) From an anonymous bystander in College Park, Maryland


related: And you thought college students were foul…

FILED UNDER: bathroom · bold-underlined-caps · D.C. · ellipses-crazed · exclamation-point happy!!!! · Massachusetts · obnoxious definition · office · shit · spelling and grammar police · that's disgusting · toilet

79 responses so far ↓

  • #1   shwonline bang

    Diahrriah Queen: Try our soft serve!

    Jul 21, 2010 at 10:52 pm   rating: 66  small thumbs up

    • #1.1   Silver

      Ewww…. comment win, nausea inevitable.

      Jul 21, 2010 at 10:54 pm   rating: 12  small thumbs up

    • #1.2   park rose

      If it’s not too inconvienenicing for you! *

      * I had to scroll about a hundred times to copy that exactly. Hope I succeeded!

      Jul 21, 2010 at 10:55 pm   rating: 17  small thumbs up

  • #2   JeRe

    Holy shit.

    Jul 21, 2010 at 10:54 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

    • #2.1   WMDKitty

      More like UNHOLY shit….

      Jul 22, 2010 at 1:06 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

    • #2.2   Woman on the Verge bang

      No shit. Literally, people. NO SHIT.

      Jul 22, 2010 at 9:14 am   rating: 10  small thumbs up

  • #3   Melodie

    She only won the crown because her people stuffed the ballot box.

    Jul 21, 2010 at 10:57 pm   rating: 19  small thumbs up

    • #3.1   karen

      No way… I say that’s full of shit.

      Jul 22, 2010 at 6:40 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

  • #4   park rose

    It was the inconvienen icing that did her in.

    Jul 21, 2010 at 10:58 pm   rating: 13  small thumbs up

    • #4.1   zenvelo

      don’t they mean incontinent icing? is that shitting across two red lines with the feces untouched?

      Jul 21, 2010 at 11:19 pm   rating: 11  small thumbs up

  • #5   TippingCows

    If I worked at that place in College Park I would probably shit myself silly from my co-workers’ heinous spelling and punctuation.
    So really, I think I commiserate with the offender on that one.

    Jul 21, 2010 at 11:03 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

  • #6   Fridge Pirate

    The feces on the toilet seat was fuckinng delicious.

    Jul 21, 2010 at 11:13 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #6.1   Canthz_B bang

      So, you finally ate shit…now die. ;-)

      Jul 22, 2010 at 12:27 am   rating: 50  small thumbs up

  • #7   Clare

    The second note is just begging for some clip art and a “THX, SANDRA” at the bottom.

    Jul 21, 2010 at 11:28 pm   rating: 23  small thumbs up

    • #7.1   eslinger bang

      And maybe some Comic Sans font to, y’know, keep things light.

      Jul 22, 2010 at 3:47 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

  • #8   AuntyBron

    Note #1 – Do one of the following? WTF? Try Option D – All of the Above.

    Jul 21, 2010 at 11:56 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #8.1   WMDKitty

      Forget ANY option other than SEE A DOCTOR. Dude probably has IBS or something.

      Jul 22, 2010 at 1:08 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #8.2   Wolverine Girl

      Or maybe ARS – angulated rectum syndrome. Hey, that almost spells arse.

      Jul 22, 2010 at 1:45 am   rating: 18  small thumbs up

    • #8.3   Canthz_B bang

      Anchormen nationwide are reporting on ARS (angulated rectum syndrome), and they’re doing it like they do with SARS and AIDS, pronouncing it as a word…

      “The number of ARS incidents increased this week.
      A local maintenance man said, ‘I just can’t believe this crap!’
      That’s a janitor with real intestinal fortitude.

      From the looks of things, this stuff has really hit the fan!

      A spokesperson for the CDC asked that they be given more time ‘to investigate this shit.’
      Apparently, they have a heavy load on their hands, and this is a really big job.
      We here at the anchor desk hope there is positive movement in the short term, but must report that there are limited resources in the bowels of the building where the researchers are working due to the atmosphere this crisis has created.

      Now, the sports report…the Cleveland Cavaliers dropped one in Kansas City…”

      Jul 22, 2010 at 2:20 am   rating: 28  small thumbs up

    • #8.4   Froget Menot

      or Option E- Rest in piss.

      Jul 22, 2010 at 5:13 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

  • #9   Froget Menot


    Anosmia – lack of ability to …..
    Hyperosmia – an abnormally acute sense of …..
    Hyposmia – decreased ability to …..
    Cacosmia – things ….. like feces
    Dysosmia – things ….. differently than they should
    Parosmia – things ….. worse than they should
    Phantosmia – “hallucinated …..”, often unpleasant in nature

    Jul 22, 2010 at 12:03 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #9.1   Canthz_B bang

      Don’t get me started medical coding again up in here.

      I have 300.3 when it comes to that, and I was dong so well dealing with it. :-|

      Jul 22, 2010 at 3:14 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #9.2   Froget Menot

      Well you just lie down here and relax
      when did you first notice the recurrence of this symptom ?

      …uh nah the guilt got me , i wont ever medicalquote again or say 33.

      Jul 22, 2010 at 3:32 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #9.3   Woman on the Verge bang

      CB, good to see you’re “dong well”. I think.

      Jul 22, 2010 at 9:11 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

    • #9.4   Canthz_B bang

      *last time i post while masturbating…* :oops:

      Jul 22, 2010 at 8:41 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #9.5   Froget Menot

      if God is watching you , he s gonna make you a Star !

      Jul 23, 2010 at 12:37 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #10   chrys

    I really like note #1. I like that he gave him options, and I think angulated rectum guy is my new favorite nickname. I thought the hand written note on #2 said shame on you bitch at first. yourself’s is a new low. I can’t remember the last post that had so much to comment on.

    Jul 22, 2010 at 12:22 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

  • #11   Canthz_B bang

    Why is it that people with multiple personality disorder never clean-up after their selfs themselves?

    Jul 22, 2010 at 12:28 am   rating: 11  small thumbs up

    • #11.1   Froget Menot

      Hmm because of their spilt personality ?

      Jul 22, 2010 at 12:36 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #11.2   Canthz_B bang

      Or because thinking of the mess that spilt from their splits puts them in a feedback loop?

      Jul 22, 2010 at 12:44 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #11.3   Froget Menot

      Gotta ask Howard Hughes ..

      Jul 22, 2010 at 1:06 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #11.4   Canthz_B bang

      I’d love to be so rich someone had to wipe my ass for me. HH had fingernails that pretty much made self-wipage impossible.
      Imagine…having Howard Hughes in the palm of your hand!

      Bet that guy got a shit-load in HH’s will.

      Jul 22, 2010 at 2:11 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #11.5   Froget Menot

      yes but HH didnt totally disinherit you

      he bequeoth ? sh..!? you his very own personal slippers.

      2 empty kleenex boxes

      so now you re underwired for life !

      Jul 22, 2010 at 2:43 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #11.6   ammali

      @ 11.4 — doesn’t it always make you wonder what these women do, the ones who have the 6-inch long fake nails? You know, they’re usually running a register at the grocery store, hitting the keys with the side of their thumb and/or constantly messing up. I just stare. How do they wipe? Open a door? Insert a tampon? Button their clothes? Do *anything* useful?

      Jul 22, 2010 at 6:43 am   rating: 14  small thumbs up

    • #11.7   Party in my pants

      I also wonder about the “corn chip” nails. How do they wipe? Answer: They probably don’t!

      Jul 22, 2010 at 7:10 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #11.8   Noelegy

      My grand-nephew was born 3 months premature, and had to spend the first 104 days of his life in NICU (he’s nearly 3 years old now, and doing fine). During that time, his parents often remarked upon how very many of the NICU nurses had long, manicured, fake nails, which seems to me to be a terrible obstacle to sanitation. Not only do the NICU nurses have to wash their hands constantly, but I would think those nails would catch on or puncture gloves. I would think that if you were in that particular profession, you would realize that 3″ nails are probably not the best fashion choice.

      And I don’t know how these women can type. I keep my nails very short, for practical reasons and because the “clicking” sound when they get a bit long drives me bananas.

      Jul 23, 2010 at 1:31 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #11.9   clumber

      In a 2-year course, there was another student who had 3-inch+ nails. A computer security course. She sat in the row behind me. Did I mention TWO YEARS??

      Ever seen a heron hunting for fish? This is how she typed. Her hands hovered directly above the keyboard, index fingers slowly waving above them.. searching for her prey… clickSLAM on the W key! hover… hover… clickSLAM on the T key! hover… hover… clickSLAM on the F key! and then gently caress the punctuation key as necessary — click_rub….

      I was nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize solely for not killing her.

      Jul 23, 2010 at 3:49 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

  • #12   Froget Menot

    Do not give in to olfactory fatigue:

    Preventive behavior
    exhibit A : Grow flaps of skin that open and close within the nostrils and use quick, short sniffs.
    exhibit B : Remove olfactory hairs.

    These .. may save Noses.

    Jul 22, 2010 at 12:31 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #13   Canthz_B bang

    “inconvienenicing” must have unlocked the apostrophe safe in her head.
    You can see this for “yourself’s” without any “problem’s”.

    Loose apostrophes love to grab a little ‘s’ if the opportunity presents itself.

    Jul 22, 2010 at 12:35 am   rating: 10  small thumbs up

    • #13.1   Froget Menot

      Loose apostrophes love belly button fluff

      Jul 22, 2010 at 1:15 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #13.2   Froget Menot

      Or tricolonic..

      “Vieni , Vidi , Vicing”

      Obtuse Imperator.

      Jul 22, 2010 at 1:30 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #13.3   jayskinner70

      I think it was loose apostrophes that was the reason for the first note.

      Jul 22, 2010 at 7:16 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #13.4   Froget Menot

      Dumping = the next Global warming issue ?

      Jul 22, 2010 at 7:52 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #13.5   Janellionaire

      I had such high hopes after the first paragraph. The apostrophe in “today’s” was…fine, I guess. “Unacceptable” was spelled right. Then I get blindsided by “inconvienenicing.” I keep trying to pronounce it, but I’m getting a headache. Then, while I’m still reeling from that catastrophe, along comes “yourself’s.” Wha??? The inappropriate apostrophe on “person’s” is bad enough, but are we to believe that the same person who can spell “hesitate” and “management” and “unacceptable” correctly really thought that “yourself’s” was right? Was s/he sick that day in 2nd grade? Yourself’s: this is what is wrong with America.

      Jul 22, 2010 at 1:56 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #13.6   erin

      They should read a dictionary next time they are taking a poo.

      Jul 22, 2010 at 6:34 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

  • #14   Canthz_B bang

    Well, what have we learned today?

    1) If an EMT asks to use your bathroom, just say no.

    2) Women can deal with “acceptable” messes in their restrooms, but will not tolerate “unacceptable” messes.

    Jul 22, 2010 at 12:53 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

  • #15   Grimfool Reluctant

    You can squat, you can wipe,
    Having the dump of your life
    Ooh can I spell, inconvieninicing
    This means you, Diahrriah Queen

    Taco night and you’re about to blow
    Looking out for a place to go
    Where they pee on the seat, for the next rump
    You come in to take a dump

    And , angulated rectum guy
    You’re sitting down but aiming high
    Left a bit of a mess, we put up a sign
    You’re in the mood for a flush
    So don’t be in a rush

    This means you Diahrriah Queen
    And Pee-on-Seat, practice hygiene!
    Diahrriah Queen, Pee-on-Seat,
    Inconvieninicing me, oh yeah…

    Jul 22, 2010 at 1:07 am   rating: 19  small thumbs up

    • #15.1   Froget Menot

      I smell you’re aiming to participate Eurovision .

      Jul 22, 2010 at 1:19 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #15.2   Froget Menot

      Sorry .. aiming AT speaking better english

      Jul 22, 2010 at 1:50 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #16   1948goa

    Can anyone tell me the name of the Internet gods ?
    I will set up an altar for them at my home for making my life so globalized without moving from my chair.

    Jul 22, 2010 at 2:51 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #16.1   Froget Menot

      Well, Uccia ,
      one of them is BLABBOTH who relates to speech
      and incidentally a close friend of our president .

      Jul 22, 2010 at 3:02 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #16.2   1948goa

      My compliments Froget Menot, clever tongue twister !
      But whose President do you mean ?
      Berlusconi (mine) or Mr Obama or who else ?
      Mr Obama seems to be blabbothing a lot
      nowadays : is it him that you meant ?

      Jul 22, 2010 at 10:52 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #16.3   Froget Menot

      Just the little guy with the Eiffel tower like Ego
      and the bad hairdo.

      Jul 22, 2010 at 1:40 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #16.4   Auntybron

      Oh, like THAT narrows it down….

      Jul 22, 2010 at 10:21 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #16.5   1948goa

      What does : Oh, like THAT narrrows it down…… to what ?
      Are there other blabbothing presidents left to name ?
      Yes, I believe every country has its own.

      Jul 23, 2010 at 9:45 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #17   Sarah

    I’m on team notewriter in both cases.

    Jul 22, 2010 at 3:14 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #17.1   Froget Menot

      Trouble-shiiters are necessary and eevil is in all of us .

      Jul 22, 2010 at 3:25 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #18   Wrench

    This is a never-ending saga at my house. My husband is guilty of constantly making a “toilet-paper catcher’s mitt” for every poop; leaving the toilet paper on the vanity, where it gets soaked with water splashed from the sink; peeing on the seat; leaving streaks of poop on the bowl; leaving poop on the seat; sprinkling on the floor; and clogging the toilet to the point that our plumber no longer asks for directions to our house.

    This isn’t an extensive list, and at least one of those things happens on a daily basis. I’m starting to consider whether this constitutes “emotional abuse and negligence” in divorce court.

    Jul 22, 2010 at 5:17 am   rating: 10  small thumbs up

    • #18.1   tinkerbell2

      it does. tell him straight, or get out of there. ugh.

      Jul 22, 2010 at 6:35 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

    • #18.2   HappyNat

      I think it’s time to start potty training your husband.

      Jul 22, 2010 at 7:34 am   rating: 12  small thumbs up

    • #18.3   mamason bang

      I wouldn’t put up with his shit for a minute!

      Jul 22, 2010 at 12:11 pm   rating: 13  small thumbs up

    • #18.4   Froget Menot

      I suggest you send the PAN link to your husband.
      Talk vanishes ,written words linger.

      Jul 22, 2010 at 1:51 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #18.5   Canthz_B bang

      Sharing is caring!

      Jul 22, 2010 at 9:04 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #19   Froget Menot

    It does, Bull(shit)-ying is unacceptable.

    Jul 22, 2010 at 6:45 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #20   Party in my pants

    The mad bomber LIVES!!

    Jul 22, 2010 at 7:12 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

  • #21   oi

    The more important debate is: It it suppose to be whomever or whoever? Cast your vote just here.

    Jul 22, 2010 at 9:13 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #21.1   Noelegy

      “Whoever” is the correct word in this case because it was followed by an action: “Whoever made the mess…” I hate it when people incorrectly substitute “whom” or “whomever” in an effort to sound edu-ma-cated. And don’t even get me started on the improper use of “I,” as in, “if you have any questions, please see him or I.”

      Jul 22, 2010 at 9:24 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #21.2   jakeneff

      There’s no debate. It just depends whether it’s the subject or not. Simple test is to replace “who” with “he” and “whom” with “him” and see which phrase sounds right.

      Obviously “he pees on the seat” is better than “him pees on the seat”. Therefore you use “whoever”.

      Lesson over.

      Jul 22, 2010 at 9:25 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

  • #22   Noelegy

    I work in an office where the messes in the bathroom are unacceptable on a daily basis, and I’m not talking about bodily functions. This is a nice new office building, and the bathrooms are the nicest I’ve personally experienced in a workplace, with tile floors and granite counters. I have yet to go to wash my hands and not find puddles of water all over the countertop. Seriously, what are these women doing that they need to deposit so much water all over the place? Splashing in the sink like it’s a birdbath?

    P.S. New to this website. English major. Grammar Nazi. Hi! ;)

    Jul 22, 2010 at 9:22 am   rating: 14  small thumbs up

    • #22.1   MyssAnthrope

      The sink at my work is like that too! Jeez, people! If you splash a bit accidentally, wipe it up. If you splash half a sink’s worth of water, wipe it up and learn how to use a sink better!

      Jul 22, 2010 at 12:22 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #22.2   Froget Menot

      Women sometimes get that sinking feeling…

      Jul 22, 2010 at 3:53 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

  • #23   Z

    Grammar Nazis, people with nothing interesting to say.

    Jul 22, 2010 at 10:31 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #23.1   Mo®

      Hi Noelegy

      Jul 22, 2010 at 11:21 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #23.2   Noelegy

      Watch out for those broad brushes. They are notoriously unreliable and messy.

      Jul 22, 2010 at 1:18 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

    • #23.3   Jonathan

      They are great for cleaning the potty.

      Jul 22, 2010 at 9:32 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

  • #24   se

    Either of the people referenced in these notes qualify for “ignoranus” status.

    Jul 22, 2010 at 12:12 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

  • #25   Matthew

    Something I used to enjoy doing at work:

    Jul 22, 2010 at 12:41 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #25.1   LittleSprout bang

      Dude. We can all imagine what the scene looked like. That was far too “inconvienenicing” for me…. *shudder*

      Jul 22, 2010 at 1:36 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #26   Noelegy

    I realize this isn’t, but in the 90s I worked at a chain book/music/video store in which there was one restroom, shared by customers and employees alike. At one point there had been an employee restroom, hidden safely away in the stockroom where customers could not get to it, but our district manager, who spent all of one or two days a month at our store, inexplicably decided that the store manager’s office wasn’t good enough for her to do her paperwork, and she had the employee restroom converted into an office.

    So. We had to share a restroom with customers. And it had a pushbutton lock on it so that customers wouldn’t take product into the restroom and abscond with it. Still, we found nasty little offerings, such as the porn magazine we found on the high shelf reserved for cleaning products, with its pages all stuck together.

    If you think that’s “eww,” you should have seen the time we found feces on the wall. Not next to the toilet. On the wall opposite the toilet. Someone had apparently been demonstrating their poo-flinging skills.

    Then there was the woman who did NOT ask us to be let into the restroom, but instead informed us that her child had dumped upon the carpet and now she expected us to clean it up. The manager gave her a roll of paper towels and asked her to get the worst of it. In an apparent fit of pique that we didn’t do the job ourselves, she took the paper towels and ground the poo into the carpet. The carpet had to be replaced.

    Having worked in customer service for years and years, I thought retail customers were the most disgusting animals on the planet, but I’m starting to think office workers may come in a close second.

    Jul 26, 2010 at 11:07 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up


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