So. We had to share a restroom with customers. And it had a pushbutton lock on it so that customers wouldn’t take product into the restroom and abscond with it. Still, we found nasty little offerings, such as the porn magazine we found on the high shelf reserved for cleaning products, with its pages all stuck together.

If you think that’s “eww,” you should have seen the time we found feces on the wall. Not next to the toilet. On the wall opposite the toilet. Someone had apparently been demonstrating their poo-flinging skills.

Then there was the woman who did NOT ask us to be let into the restroom, but instead informed us that her child had dumped upon the carpet and now she expected us to clean it up. The manager gave her a roll of paper towels and asked her to get the worst of it. In an apparent fit of pique that we didn’t do the job ourselves, she took the paper towels and ground the poo into the carpet. The carpet had to be replaced.

Having worked in customer service for years and years, I thought retail customers were the most disgusting animals on the planet, but I’m starting to think office workers may come in a close second.

Ever seen a heron hunting for fish? This is how she typed. Her hands hovered directly above the keyboard, index fingers slowly waving above them.. searching for her prey… clickSLAM on the W key! hover… hover… clickSLAM on the T key! hover… hover… clickSLAM on the F key! and then gently caress the punctuation key as necessary — click_rub….

I was nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize solely for not killing her.

And I don’t know how these women can type. I keep my nails very short, for practical reasons and because the “clicking” sound when they get a bit long drives me bananas.