So, Jen in Ontario, Canada just moved into a new shared living arrangement…with a 50-something lady. “I thought having an older person as a roommate would more peaceful,” she explains. “Turns out I was wrong.” Communication skills, it seems, aren’t one of those things that necessarily improve with age.
Within a week of moving in, Jen says, there were “helpful instructions” taped up all around the house. After that, the notes just kept coming, accusing Jen of everything from filling the dishwasher with soy sauce to sabotaging the tea kettle — always book-ended by a “Pls” and “Thank you,” of course. Because that’s how mature adults act.
related: The Post-it Wars
197 responses so far ↓
#1
Jonathan
Well, well, well! It looks like THX SANDRA has turned over a “new leaf”, and with gusto! Attagirl.
Jul 22, 2010 at 9:28 pm rating: 9
#2
Mrs Rocheter
Pls also the also last note also is my favorite.
P.S. Thank you.
Jul 22, 2010 at 9:32 pm rating: 14
#3
Kat
To be fair, most of the issues addressed in these notes seem fairly reasonable to me. If you’re living in a shared situation and using another person’s items/appliances, they have a right to tell you how they would like them treated.
However, the flurry of notes does seem a bit absurd.
Jul 22, 2010 at 9:33 pm rating: 73
#4
Matt
I like how the note about the water in the kettle has the names blocked out, even though you can clearly make out the names on the reverse side (and we already know Jen is one of the names).
Jul 22, 2010 at 9:35 pm rating: 5
#5
alison
SO many notes…. and apparently so many broken things in that place. seriously, might be time to update appliances!
Jul 22, 2010 at 9:37 pm rating: 21
#6
ClearlyDemented
Sadly, I am mostly angered by these notes because they are a sad glimpse into my future. In 20 years, should I have a roommate, I will be just as annoyingly controlling and anal as this woman. I already understand and completely agree with the Brita note; spraying water directly into the filter makes the charcoal (or whatever’s in there) come out the little holes in the top.
Jul 22, 2010 at 9:47 pm rating: 50
#7
Canthz_B
Jen sounds like “the room mate from Hell” to me.
A slob who half does everything can be a real pain in the neck to have to live with.
Luckily, she has a mature room mate to teach her what her mommy should have about cleaning up after herself.
Jul 22, 2010 at 9:54 pm rating: 30
#8
kat
Honestly, I’m not bothered by these. They seem like reasonable requests. I’m sure I’d have to say similar things if someone new moved into my place. It just seems like an awful lot because Jen has to get used to how everything is used. Cleaning up the surfaces when you’re done, putting away DRY dishes & rinsing before putting in there? Seems obvious to me. Jen sounds like a bit of a slob.
Jul 22, 2010 at 9:58 pm rating: 28
#9
Not Jen
True dat about the Brita. I hate it when those little charcoal things float around in the top.
I suspect Jen is a slob.
Jul 22, 2010 at 10:04 pm rating: 5
#10
Kel
Kat….you make me laugh! There is absolutely nothing about these notes that is reasonable! A person should not be dictated to on how to wash & dry their clothes for goodness sake!
Jul 22, 2010 at 10:07 pm rating: 27
#11
Twez
These notes are in no way unreasonable, unless the woman is writing notes when it is just as easy to speak to Jen. Ok, the one about the kettle is a little wacky, but hell, maybe it’s one of those $50 ones. I am more shocked that someone needs to be told to wipe up after themselves and rinse their damn dishes.
Jul 22, 2010 at 10:10 pm rating: 14
#12
AH
“soya sauce”? SOYA?
I agree about these notes being reasonable, but a bit like being pecked to death by a chicken.
Jul 22, 2010 at 10:41 pm rating: 30
#13
veritybrown
If Jen wants a “peaceful” living arrangement, she should find a roommate who has the same ideas that she does about housekeeping. That’s also a good tip to consider when you’re choosing a spouse. I thank my lucky stars that my husband is comfortable with the same level of housekeeping that I am.
Jul 22, 2010 at 10:43 pm rating: 16
#14
Ann
I hope I never have to take in a younger tenant into my own home if it results in this.
Jul 22, 2010 at 10:43 pm rating: 10
#15
giggleblue
um, did anyone notice the highlighting??? like seriously? you wrote the note AND highlighted the key points? eh.
this reminds me of my mother. i would shoot myself if i were jen.
Jul 22, 2010 at 10:46 pm rating: 24
#16
Meredith
I do find it odd that the lady points out that she works five days straight. Thursday to Monday is not a typical work week, but most work weeks are five days in a row.
Jul 22, 2010 at 10:47 pm rating: 29
#17
Canthz_B
I pretty much think that the least and last thing this woman needs to worry about is Jen using her good dish towel.
Jul 22, 2010 at 10:50 pm rating: 22
#18
Kel
If the 50 yr old has the time to not only pen these ridiculously nit-picky notes, and then to highlight them and go taping them all around the house like a damn scavenger hunt….then she should certainly have enough time to briefly chat in person with Jen about her old, finicky appliances and how they (don’t really) operate!
I just hope that when I’m 50, I don’t have appliances the same age as myself!
Jul 22, 2010 at 11:11 pm rating: 27
#19
notolaf
I just can’t believe that anyone would be foolish enough to think they could live with an older woman and NOT get this result. Silly Jen! I bet she wouldn’t have moved in with her grandmother or an aunt.
Jul 22, 2010 at 11:12 pm rating: 25
#20
Ndawg
I hate to admit that I learned a sh*tload about housekeeping just now by reading these threads. I have always wondered why the little charcoals get in the Brita water. And I definitely need to replace my kettle… I don’t even want to know what kind of hard water crap is deposited down there!
Jul 22, 2010 at 11:37 pm rating: 18
#21
erica rose
This is like my current roommate that we’re renting from. Notes and emails every single day. You can either live alone and have a house that looks like no one lives in it, or you can have the benefit of half the mortgage being paid by roommates, and having a house that looks lived in. As I say to my crazy ass OCD roomie, it’s a house, not a museum.
Jul 23, 2010 at 12:05 am rating: 34
#22
Sheri
I swear I lived with this woman, but in California and not Ontario. I don’t think she moved. Maybe she has a twin.
Jul 23, 2010 at 12:47 am rating: 1
#23
Zoe
I agree that all the requests seem reasonable. However, the number of them seem to suggest this lady shouldn’t be sharing a house. You’ll never get someone else to do everything exactly the way you do, I doubt Jen is actually a slob – I think it’s more that she does things differently.
I cannot imagine sharing a house with anybody but my husband any more. I already get annoyed with guests after a few days
Jul 23, 2010 at 12:53 am rating: 35
#24
KC
This reminds me of the roommate I once had in college who called me at my parents’ house during Christmas break to ask me who left wrapping paper scraps EVERYWHERE in the living room of our college apartment (she and I were the only ones living there, BTW). I had indeed wrapped presents in the living room, and had cleaned up, but evidently left 2 tiny remnants (yes, 2, as she “saved” the mess for me to clean up upon my return) that were literally minute SLIVERS of paper scraps, about the size of an inchworm each.
OCD much?!?!
Jul 23, 2010 at 1:11 am rating: 19
#25
Froget Menot
Giving or accepting abuse is all about the view one has of oneself.
Jul 23, 2010 at 1:33 am rating: 4
#26
snatchbeast
Holy crap. That’s all I can say. Holy crap.
Jul 23, 2010 at 2:31 am rating: 1
#27
Froget Menot
Conflicts amongst women = background differences whether ethnic, educational, generational or occupational and one’s own values.
Jul 23, 2010 at 3:02 am rating: 0
#28
TippingCows
Seems like Jen is a bit of a slob. A couple of those notes are just going a bit too far. But come on – wipe the counters and shit after cooking – clean up after yourself, it’s not hard. I know when I live with roommates, I am far cleaner than I am when living alone. Why? I try to make sure I’m not leaving messes for others to find and take care of. The “how to fill the Britta” was a bit much … but eh, at least she’s fairly polite and doesn’t seem to mind writing the notes, eh?
Jul 23, 2010 at 3:55 am rating: 15
#29
Zack
Yeah, I’m gonna have to go with the note-writer on this one. The submitter sounds like a complete slob who just moved out from Mommy’s house, where lint traps clean themselves and counters magically get wiped down.
Jul 23, 2010 at 4:08 am rating: 22
#30
Boxstacker
I’m guessing the note-writer is a control freak. Jen might be messy- but it’s also likely that the note writer is making a big deal out of nothing. A bit of water on the counter is seen as an intolerable mess; a little smudge in the bottom of the dishwasher is interpreted as a habitual failure to pre-rinse the dishes.
But it’s conjecture either way, so who knows.
Jul 23, 2010 at 5:27 am rating: 16
#31
Upstater
For all you people sticking up for the note writer, I would direct your attention to the line that reads
“I had to put a really good dishtowel out…”
Seriously, when you start categorizing your dish towels, you have issues.
And can someone explain the problem with the soya sauce in the dishwasher. How much could there have been? Is the dishwasher so old and crappy that it won’t wash away liquids? It sounds like the woman is complaining that Jen had the audacity to put a dish in the dishwasher without first sanitizing it.
Jul 23, 2010 at 6:45 am rating: 36
#32
Bethany
I don’t usually respond but by the end of this one I wanted to invite poor Jen to come live with us. Haha!
Jul 23, 2010 at 7:00 am rating: 11
#33
-k-
It seems like the roommate writes notes because she doesn’t see Jen for days at a time.. and that Jen could probably learn a thing or two from reading them, annoying or not.
Jul 23, 2010 at 7:16 am rating: 9
#34
Yessi
I’m tempted to side with the new roommate. The 50-year-old is so anal, she dated her passive-agressive notes. She put dates on her notes.
Jul 23, 2010 at 7:53 am rating: 29
#35
Rich
These seem reasonable to me. Keep in mind that the teen or twenty-something that chooses to live with a fifty-something has to remember that the fifty-something is pretty set in her ways, and has been doing things a certain way for a long time, and isn’t going to be so open to change. Bottom line – respect the home of the person you came to live with, as you are benefiting from it.
Jul 23, 2010 at 8:07 am rating: 11
#36
Pterosaur
Wow, lady. I get that older homes have their quirks, but it’s a house, not a nuclear reactor. Why not just get it over with and write huge instruction manual for your broken-ass home. That would make New Roommate Orientation & Training Night so much smoother.
“Toaster (p.75):
Do not operate the toaster above setting #2 or it will set off the smoke alarm. Keep it 12 inches from the wall at all times, or the heat will warp the wallpaper. Clean out the crumb tray after every third slice using a paper towel (NOT a GOOD kitchen towel).
See also: Smoke Alarm (p.102), Proper Crumb Disposal (p.68), Wallpaper (p.43), The Good Towels (p.1), and Requisitioning Paper Supplies (p.25)”
Jul 23, 2010 at 8:39 am rating: 70
#37
Emily
Ooooh she had to work 5 days straight…poor lady.
Jul 23, 2010 at 9:48 am rating: 7
#38
Noelegy
The older lady’s requests don’t seem unreasonable, but this reminds me of a past housemate. My husband and I shared a house with two male friends. One was pretty casual about cleaning, but wasn’t a total slob. The other was an anal-retentive neat freak who once told me he thought it was a character flaw that I would sometimes leave the dinner dishes for 30 minutes or an hour while I watched TV. They’d get done, they just wouldn’t get done right away, and he found that very upsetting. He would frequently leave very polite, detailed notes like this around the house. The same housemate once told the rest of us that since he was the only one of us who had two college-educated parents, he might be the only one who could appreciate having nice things and a clean environment.
The living arrangement lasted a year.
Jul 23, 2010 at 9:59 am rating: 13
#39
oi
oh! psaw! Old people are crazy. everybody knows that. I used live with a lady in her 50s. She had a one note in each room about something and she would have at least one advice about something everyday. She started with I should not put spoon head down in the dish drainer(?) after rinsing it, then to I should turn the nob of the gas in very particular manner, I should not walk too fast in house because that wakes her up! We had wall to wall carpet in each room, stuff like that. Once I did everything of her liking and she told me that I clean the bathroom way too much clean! I am like is that a problem? She says yes because than she can’t use it when I am cleaning it! We had two bathrooms. apart from her habits of goading people around she was very nice and helpful. So I kinda choked it up to old age. I was there for three months anyway.
Jul 23, 2010 at 10:18 am rating: 8
#40
aaa
I bet Jen is kind of messy, 50-year-0ld roomie is kind of anal retentive about her house, and they shouldn’t be living together because they’re just not compatible as roommates.
Or, let’s just make this easier. They both suck. Everyone sucks. Except for me. Because I’m awesome. Team aaa.
Jul 23, 2010 at 10:32 am rating: 20
#41
Julie
And this is why you pay extra to live alone. If I ever live with roommates again, I won’t survive.
These would be much better if she’d spoken in person. They wouldn’t sound as crazy then. However, I’m Team Jen on this one.
Jul 23, 2010 at 10:33 am rating: 13
#42
Edwina the Defrocked Nun
I never knew that hard water ruins a tea kettle before – and I’m 55!
Jul 23, 2010 at 11:28 am rating: 6
#43
GG
It’s not about who is “right” on any of these issues — it’s about the fact that leaving notes is just a passive-aggressive way to communicate. If their work schedules don’t permit them to see each other face-to-face very often, she could set up a time to talk by phone. She can step out of work for a few minutes to make a call if these issues are so important to her.
Jul 23, 2010 at 11:29 am rating: 17
#44
eepah
Jen is TOTALLY in the wrong. 6 notes out of, say, 6 months (lease length?) is pretty reasonable considering this poor lady is obviously having to clean up after Jen on a daily basis. If she wanted to do that, she’d get a husband, not a roommate.
Jul 23, 2010 at 12:23 pm rating: 4
#45
clumber
My reading comprehension must have gone to shit. I am floored by so many the comments today being in favor of the note-writer. I have read them through a couple times and still do not see where we can presume that Jen is or is not a slob. There are enough archived PAN with photographic evidence of a windex smear or a single crumb in a sink setting off an OCD PAN. I also don’t see that these are the only notes posted during her
sentencestay with the older roommate. This could just be a recent collection – 2 of the notes are July 7 & 8. She may leave 1 note a day, how do we know?*shrug* I guess I don’t usually notice so much invented information… Or maybe I tend to give the submitters a couple extra thumbs-up since they contributed to my amusement for the day. Happy Friday, all!
Jul 23, 2010 at 1:13 pm rating: 35
#46
Mbay
Holy cow, I think I lived with the SAME lady! She deducted from my security deposit when I moved out because there was lint in the dresser drawers. Expect the same!
Jul 23, 2010 at 1:18 pm rating: 11
#47
mamason
As long as you live in my house you will follow my rules, thank you, and if you don’t like it, you know where the door is, but please don’t let the door hit you on your way out because it’s an old door. I’m looking in to having it replaced.
Jul 23, 2010 at 1:31 pm rating: 26
#48
Maggie
I wouldn’t feel comfortable living in that situation…I would feel that every move I made wouldn’t be the right one and would never feel like it was my home. Common courtesy and common sense should prevail without having to be instructed on every little detail.
(and I’m an almost 50 yr old woman)
Jul 23, 2010 at 4:12 pm rating: 9
#49
wicked opinion
Gotta go with Team Jen on this one… If you are this set in your ways, you need to consider your own OCD-ness before you start finding roommates. 50ish lady, know thyself! This was a bad plan from the start… I lived with a “friend” for a few months after being friends for 10 years. She wanted my rent payments but couldn’t handle living with another person. Every day was a new lament on how I was messing up her house and costing her money. I moved out and we are no longer friends. Now her house is 10 times dirtier and messier than it ever was when I was staying there.
Jul 23, 2010 at 4:25 pm rating: 16
#50
Chris
If Jen doesn’t like having to actually take proper care of things and clean up after herself, she should move her spoiled butt back to Mommy’s house, not troll for sympathy on PAN.
Team note writer.
Jul 23, 2010 at 8:07 pm rating: 8
#51
Cordelia
These notes seem reasonable to me, although it would have made sense to discuss the dryer and how to fill the Britta pitcher when Jen first moved in. General house rules are usually the sort of thing you cover before moving in or when the person first arrives. Still, it sounds to me like Jen’s using “peaceful” as code for “motherly” – maybe she thought the older roomie would clean up after her. Not gonna happen!
Jul 24, 2010 at 12:40 am rating: 4
#52
Madrias
I have to go with Notewriter on this one. I dealt with roomies who would do all sorts of fun crap.
Examples of what I had to write:
“Don’t leave the fridge door open while you’re taking a number two!”
“Please don’t hide the remotes, others need them too.”
“The toilet is not a garbage disposal. Cardboard doesn’t flush well.”
“Does it kill you to replace the roll!?”
“Tools go back in the tool box, not left all over the work table. Also, projects are not to wander all over the house to be left where I can step on them.”
Roommates are a pain in the fart.
Jul 24, 2010 at 1:24 am rating: 2
#53
LS
I’m glad to see that people don’t see the older lady as a nutbag of some sort. She works a lot and she has a lot of things she wants to impart to a new roommate. It makes sense to write these things down. Having to go and tell someone again and again how things are to be treated would be offensive, but there are bound to be a lot of things that are forgotten. If they are in writing, it’s a lot easier to refer to the notes the first few times.
I think the notes are polite and are a good way to pas along information respectfully and without frustration on either person’s part. Once you get to a certain age, you can see how to avoid trouble before it starts. Being irritating all the time because of the way your things are treated is a volcano waiting to explode.
Jul 24, 2010 at 2:12 am rating: 10
#54
Nicole
I’m going with submitter on this. I rented from an older woman (not a roommate though) and while she initially seemed very pleasant, by the end of the lease period I wanted to kill her and these are exactly the type of notes that she would leave. She got to the point when she came over to check on the house (every…freaking….month…for…three…hours each time) she would mention that we need to dust more because there was some dust in the cold air return vent. I went over and looked, thinking it was clogged and I saw nothing. I mean, it’s a vent, it’s not going to be spotless. Anyhoo, the notes seem nice, but I bet that below the surface, the lady is a total control freak.
Jul 24, 2010 at 7:10 am rating: 13
#55
sydney
What the hell is a 50-year-old woman doing taking on a roommate? Seems like a bad idea from the start. Know thyself, woman.
Jul 24, 2010 at 9:49 am rating: 2
#56
Mell
Team Jen on the cleaning, team roommate on the washer/dryer instructions. People have different definitions of clean, and this woman’s sounds absurdly anal. One drop of water on the plate you put away? You obviously didn’t wipe it at all. There’s a scrap of lint in the dryer trap? Please clean it out! You don’t want to cause a fire, do you?
Of course, Jen could be a total slob, but I’m basing this on my experiences living with similar PAN-writers. IMO, you take on a roommate, you have to compromise on the cleaning. Not everyone is going to be willing to sort your dish towels in alphabetical color order.
Jul 24, 2010 at 10:09 am rating: 6
#57
Flip-Flappin'
Anyone on Team 50-year old, I’ve got to reinterate “too much soya sauce in dishwasher!” This is so far past the line that the line is a dot to her. Sure, if it were something like, “too many corn cobs left in the dishwasher,” it would be one thing, but soy sauce?? It’s a liquid. It’s clean within the first 10 minutes of even the most ancient dishwasher’s cycles. I have visions of her not even needing to put anything in the dishwasher, but checking it anyway, to see what crimes against cleanliness Jen has perpetrated in there. It’s just too much.
Jul 24, 2010 at 11:03 am rating: 19
#58
butt
I’m Team Jen on this one, only because I feel that the owner should have been more careful in choosing a tenant, and clear in her expectations beforehand.
My roommates and I are very casual about cleaning, so when we advertise for an empty slot in the apartment, we make it clear that we’re not sticklers about washing your dishes and taking out the trash right away, and if you are then you will not be happy here.
50-year-old was probably under the impression that everyone has the same standards of living as her, but she should have advertised that she keeps a very clean home and expects the same of tenants. Hopefully she learned her lesson and Jen’s replacement will be better informed, in person. And if Jen is messy, well then she needs to ask her next potential landlord beforehand if it’s a problem if she doesn’t rinse her dishes before loading them etc.
Jul 24, 2010 at 5:57 pm rating: 3
#59
Jessica_Iowa
I’ve lived this hell twice!
I moved into a house and moved out as soon as I could, the woman who owned the place was nuts-o!
I moved into an appartment with another crazy 50 year old lady! She was rude, and left notes around all the time.
Jul 24, 2010 at 7:03 pm rating: 1
#60
Ariana
Aaahaahaha
I lived with a lady who left notes like this on everything. She was in her 60s, lived in a trailer in the back yard, and there were 3 of us living in the house. She’d come in to use the shower and the kitchen, and she’d always freak out over something, like the recycling having been full for 3 hours but not having been taken out yet. And then, if anybody forgot to do something the way she liked it, she’d throw a fit about how we refused to ever help clean or do anything around the house. It was pretty much the worse thing ever.
Doesn’t sound like Jen’s situation was quite that bad, though.
Jul 24, 2010 at 9:10 pm rating: 2
#61
Edwina the Defrocked Nun
I looked at house-sharing a couple years ago. The lady who wanted to rent to me had 29 cats (I am not making this up) and 2 very large dogs who she had to physically restrain to keep from jumping up on me. She told me it was okay to bring my 2 cats but they would have to be segregated from the larger cat population, cooped up in my large room; asked if they could go out in the yard, she lectured me that this wasn’t healthy for cats and would probably decimate the bird population, but maybe she would allow it… oh and “my” job in the house was to be thus-and-such, never mind a rotation or how did I feel about it… and the cats were all over the kitchen counters.
Some situations, a sane person doesn’t get into in the first place. She called me when she didn’t hear from me, and I tactfully told her the location was too far from my job … rather than “Hell, no! You’re batshit crazy!”
Jul 25, 2010 at 1:03 pm rating: 2
#62
macmommy
Huh. I thought MOST people worked five days straight.
I can see both sides on this. Jen is not exactly fastidious, but her roommate is overbearing. Quite simply, they are NOT a good match. They both need to be more considerate or find a new living situation.
I’m not quite 40 and I can definitely say that I have a particular way I like things done and I would have a hard time living with someone new…it’s a good thing I’m married. I can’t imagine how much of a hard-ass I’ll be in ten years.
Jul 25, 2010 at 2:03 pm rating: 1
#63
Sarah Ashley
This is why, when I moved out of my parents house, I got an apartment all by myself. No one to tell me what to do, and only myself to blame for dirty dishes, or crumbs on the counter.
Of course, my boyfriend recently moved in … and since he’s not my “roommate,” he’s my significant other, I get to clean up after both of us. My theory is that he wouldn’t do a good job anyway … oh, denial.
Jul 25, 2010 at 4:36 pm rating: 3
#64
MysteryGuest
#1 Do you really have to be told in this day and age not to put recycleables in the lint bin? Do as she asks. Problem solved.
#2 Use the laundromat. Problem solved.
#3 See above. Problem solved.
#4 See above. Problem solved.
#5 Who doesn’t have their own tea kettle? Buy one. Use it how you please. Problem solved.
#6 See above. Problem solved.
#7 I don’t see this as a problem, unless you were expecting maid service with the rental of that room.
#8 I’ve been wondering why the new Brita kept giving me charcoal with my water!
Seriously, these are reasonable requests. Some of them she shouldn’t have to make.
I advise you to find new roommates. Find ones whose ages you won’t be able to use as a permanent floating excuse to ignore any reasonable requests.
I’m definitely opposed to the idea that renting out a room in one’s home entitles the tenant to wreck your stuff, although I’ve seen plenty of roommates, tenants and guests act as if it does.
Team Fifty-Something
Jul 26, 2010 at 6:56 am rating: 9
#65
laura
These notes sound like they could have been from my first roommate, who thought I was a slob.
My second roommate thought I was a neat freak. Go figure.
Jul 26, 2010 at 10:00 am rating: 5
#66
J
Oh man, all of you people calling this poor girl a slob without knowing the whole situation. One could say that the 50 year old woman is completely overbearing and apparently doesn’t trust that her roommate will clean up after herself.
I’m going to side with the people who say, “hey why don’t you just TALK to her instead of leaving semi-condescending notes all over the place?” It’s much quicker and the homeowner won’t have to worry about aggravating her arthritis. Maybe these things should have all been addressed upon move-in or even prior to. “Hey, I have a shitty house with crappy appliances that I can’t afford to replace. Here’s how to use them. P.S. I’m anal as hell. Are you sure you want to live here?”
Jul 26, 2010 at 12:59 pm rating: 8
#67
infitsnow
Wow, With the amount of people siding with the batty old bag*, I am starting to wonder if the majority of posters come to this site to laugh at the absurdity of the notes, or if they come here to re-affirm their passive aggressive nutbag selves.
* Yes, it is ageist, yes I am probably a douche canoe.
Jul 26, 2010 at 2:31 pm rating: 10
#68
donkey
Lord knows I hate to side with kids today, but I have to agree with those who wonder why this woman can’t have a five minute discussion with her roommate. I absolutely refuse to believe that there has never been or never will be 45 seconds that these women are together in the kitchen when she can share her nightmares of tea kettle decay. Unpleasant confrontation is an ugly part of sharing a living space, but is far more polite than covering the house in passive aggressive notes (believe me, my husband and I still argue late into the night over bath towel use) Notes automatically come off as hostile, condescending and accusatory rather than helpful.
And yes, I’m sorry, some of these are unreasonable.
a) what constitutes a “small” load and who gets to be the arbiter of that?
b) I got married almost 16 years ago. We got a tea kettle for a gift. I use water from the tap and sometimes….SOMETIMES the water stays in there for days. So far the kettle is still intact, none of us have died from drinking from it, and the world is still turning.
c) How does she know how hard the faucet is on and what direction it’s pointing in when Jen fills the Britta unless she’s standing there while she does it? And if she was, why didn’t she say “oh here, this is a more efficient way” instead of a note?
d) In short, I believe this woman is being unnecessarily praised when you get to the last sentence of the last note: “please make sure the dishes are ABSOLUTELY dry before you put them away”. Right there I’m getting the feeling that this gal has issues. What exactly will happen if one dish has one drop of water on it? E bola? SARS? The cupboard will fall down? I mean come on.
Jul 26, 2010 at 3:28 pm rating: 18
#69
quietmarc
I’m sure I had this landlady, except mine was crazier and had partial custody of a pre-teen child who she liked to verbally torment (but only on comercials).
IMO, 1 note/request is reasonable. 8+ in a short amount of time is crazy and is exactly why I will never have a roommate again unless they are a spouse.
Jul 27, 2010 at 10:54 am rating: 0
#70
Anon Man
Jen’s roomie clearly has OCD or something. Everything must be done exactly her way (turn the filter to the side, only wash on medium, wash your plates completely before you put them in the dishwasher, etc.) Everything must be done her way or she will kill Sue.
Jul 27, 2010 at 4:50 pm rating: 3
#71
Mitzibell
Ha! Ya know, the person who cares passionately about the correct way to do things is not necessarily a person who actually DOES them that way themselves. I’ve had housemates who wrote notes like this. One who insisted the recycling had to be organized *just so* or else you were a slob and an uncaring friend, was also the one who left the water in the kitchen sink running for hours because they got distracted while washing dishes and then realized they were late for an appointment and ran off. She left a stove burner on all by itself one day too. Another gem I lived with for a few months was in the habit of accusing all the other housemates of wanting to attract cockroaches because once in a great while a dry breadcrumb or two would be on the kitchen counter for a few hours. Meanwhile the laundry in his own room would go unfolded for days at a time.
We really can’t tell whether Jen is a slob from these notes. All we can tell is that the other lady is VERY VERY CONCERNED. But, you know, the oxygen in the air may not be the right shade for her, either.
Jul 27, 2010 at 7:25 pm rating: 7
#72
Nomi
I think Jen is lazy and sloppy, and the other woman has every right to tell her to clean up after herself.
It would have been nice to say it personally though, the notes make everything so much more.. dramatic.
Jul 28, 2010 at 8:32 pm rating: 1
#73
LLL
So you were her roommate after me, huh?
Jul 29, 2010 at 12:45 pm rating: 1
#74
r2p2
These notes sound exactly like my MIL, who has been diagnosed with OCD. I am not a slob and my house is certainly not a pigsty. Still, I could easily see her leaving notes like this around the house (and have seen it to some degree when we visit her home) simply because the way we clean things is not the way SHE cleans them (both in method and frequency).
These notes scream passive aggressive for a number of reasons.
1. THEY ARE NOTES. This woman could EASILY just say to Jen next time she sees her, “Hey by the way, I prefer we do X around here.” If she’s older and forgetful she can leave notes to remind herself to tell Jen. Not leave it for Jen.
2. The oozing of “pls” and “Thanks!” sounds nice but then certain phrasing (e.g. reminding us that Thurs to Mon is 5 days straight) and highlighting key points conveys nothing but belligerence.
3. One or two notes for a new housemate who doesn’t know the idiosyncrasies of the appliance, I could understand. 6+ is just wimping out of what could otherwise be a harmless confrontation.
Ultimately, I think older lady needs to clarify certain household rituals with Jen face-to-face. Jen could then attempt to appease this woman, who will in turn learn to compromise in living with another person.
Jul 29, 2010 at 7:06 pm rating: 5
#75
M S
I FUKIN’ HATE THAT BITCH!!!!!!!!!
Jul 30, 2010 at 1:54 am rating: 2
#76
Steph
I’m on the fence here – my mother is an absolute neat freak who thinks things are messy when by everyone else’s standards, they are immaculate. The 50-year-old sounds a bit anal about things, like my mom, but Jen sounds like she’s a bit sloppy too.
Aug 2, 2010 at 12:58 am rating: 0
#77
hd
control issues….
Aug 4, 2010 at 1:06 am rating: 1
#78
Mike Pooposterous
All of these notes are pretty reasonable though I’d back off of the “absolutely dry” on the dishes. Almost absolutely dry is fine. Hard water crusts up kettles, large loads can break a weak washing machine, food areas should be clean, dishwashers aren’t perfect, towels shouldn’t get stained (wash your hands a little maybe?). Sounds like Jen needs to live in her own place where she can be as messy as she wants.
Aug 4, 2010 at 7:50 am rating: 0
Comments are Closed