If I had to choose the one thing I hate most about Facebook, I think it would have to be how it’s normalized the narcissistic idea that the day you were born (and increasingly the entire week/month leading up to it) is somehow an annual event of earth-shattering importance…and (part two), how it has turned into a venue for people who share that idea to host their own pity parties, like so:
Of course, some of those people prefer the prematurely pissy approach — this message, for example, was apparently posted at 10:50 the day before her birthday:
![[redacted] is wondering who would show up to my funeral because obviously my wedding and birthday aren't important enough. Thanks to those who do care though.](http://farm5.static.flickr.com/4122/4743666039_93b36f01b7.jpg "[redacted] is wondering who would show up to my funeral because obviously my wedding and birthday aren't important enough. Thanks to those who do care though.")
But on Facebook, the “proactively setting the bar low” approach (as opposed to proactively setting the bar high) might yield better results…that is, if your friends still pity you enough to put with your juvenile bullshit.
![Because you can't be there, or because you don't care to be, when [redacted] turns another year older. Because it's easier than spending time with her, and you feel less guilty than RSVPing](http://farm5.static.flickr.com/4019/4544849649_e1dd421eb7.jpg "Because you can't be there, or because you don't care to be, when [redacted] turns another year older. Because it's easier than spending time with her, and you feel less guilty than RSVPing \"maybe\" to some form of celebration knowing you're unlikely to show up, and it's easier for her not to have to organise that. Because we have no contact other than via Facebook. Because you're busy, you've got kids, you've got a life, you've got lime [sic] disease.")
related: “I received 25 bday wishes out of 473 Facebook friends.”
62 responses so far ↓
#1
Quite Contrary
We only get to pick one thing we hate about Facebook?
Jul 25, 2010 at 9:29 pm rating: 52
#2
Leah
I have a personal policy – if I don’t remember your birthday without the aid of Facebook, you don’t get a Facebook birthday message from me.
Jul 25, 2010 at 9:30 pm rating: 59
#3
Gunderson
Lime disease?!??! Do you put it with the coconut?
Jul 25, 2010 at 9:39 pm rating: 58
#4
Nack
I have a theory about this, it’s mostly people who haven’t gotten to the part of life where you just don’t give a crap about your birthday, other than you survived another year. If you care about it more than that, you’re seriously vain.
Though, on the other side of that coin, if you “love” someone, you ought to remember the day they were born at the very least. If you can’t take the time to do that in some small way (and FB is a small way…) what kind of loved one are you?
All that said: Whining will just make me remember why I forgot your birthday last year.
Jul 25, 2010 at 9:41 pm rating: 23
#5
Taosaur
I can’t say I see NO drama / whining / attention-whoring among my facebook friends, but shit like this makes me glad for all the people I DON’T know on Facebook.
Jul 25, 2010 at 9:52 pm rating: 24
#6
as
most bday wishes on facebook are from people I don’t know or from people who want an excuse for something to say.
Jul 25, 2010 at 9:53 pm rating: 4
#7
shesajem
Unfortunately a close friend of mine is no longer a friend because the only effort she could muster up for my birthday was a facebook wall post and an email – this is after she forgot my birthday last year and promised me this year she would make me a special present! What a little sh*t!
Jul 25, 2010 at 9:54 pm rating: 3
#8
whatthe?
Being a Facebook “friend” means nothing. I even forgot my real life Mums birthday this year. I also won the worst daughter of the year award as well.
Jul 25, 2010 at 9:56 pm rating: 6
#9
JetJackson
Never underestimate the social political capital built up through wishing random people on Facebook a ‘Happy Birthday’. Personally I am saving for a messy divorce. One day I will appear on someone’s doorstep unshaven and disheveled to exchange my Facebook birthday credits for a couple of nights sleeping on their couch and raiding their refrigerator.
Jul 25, 2010 at 9:59 pm rating: 68
#10
Mo®
“Happy birthday, way to wreck mom’s vajayjay for me and drain my bank account.
Love, Dad”
Jul 25, 2010 at 10:12 pm rating: 30
#11
surrahsurrah
I just become overly concerned with the validity of my birthday in regard to leap years
Jul 25, 2010 at 11:39 pm rating: 3
#12
MAMARILLA2
I think that note number two just guaranteed him/her self a large turnout for their funeral…I know I wouldn’t mind going. The sooner the better.
Jul 26, 2010 at 12:55 am rating: 4
#13
isis
‘lime disease’
LOL
Jul 26, 2010 at 2:04 am rating: 3
#14
Canthz_B
I plan to die on March 19, 2057.
Your presence at my memorial service would be greatly appreciated.
Services will be held on March 23, 2057.
Please RSVP by September 15, 2012 so I know whether or not to waste 45 years being your friend.
Your current and possibly future friend,
CB
Jul 26, 2010 at 2:25 am rating: 52
#15
Froget Menot
” Fee haff weys to make you vish uz err rhappy pirth-day”
Lord Haw-Haw .
Jul 26, 2010 at 4:24 am rating: 2
#16
Canthz_B
Fuck all the philosophizing…kneel before CB on October 10th, lest the world stop turning.
Know my power, or risk my wrath!
Jul 26, 2010 at 5:06 am rating: 7
#17
DanielMac
Lime disease sounds fucking delicious.
Jul 26, 2010 at 5:38 am rating: 4
#18
Guy
We never celebrated my parents birthdays when I was a kid, but in the 30+ years since I left home, I think my sisters have started making a bigger deal out of them.
One year, I called my Mom on Sunday (like I have for years) and she mentioned that two of my sisters had brought her flowers. I said, “Did someone die?” and she said, “No. It’s my 75th birthday.”
In my defense, I did feel like crap about it, but I’d just gotten in the habit of the family not celebrating.
Jul 26, 2010 at 5:54 am rating: 7
#19
Froget Menot
If you go by the face (value), the Book shall close .
Draft dodgers Unite !
Jul 26, 2010 at 7:51 am rating: 1
#20
MasterProp
Ironically, I removed my birthdate from Facebook so I *didn’t* get my wall cluttered with birthday wishes from people I hardly know IRL.
I don’t get why people get so pissy about it… crazy.
Jul 26, 2010 at 8:35 am rating: 10
#21
Rachet
I have lime disease!
Oh…no…wait, I’m just allergic to limes.
Doesn’t make me anti-social, either. Just careful about my alcoholic drinks.
So…never mind.
Jul 26, 2010 at 10:56 am rating: 2
#22
RP
Gawd, I hate it when people whine for attention on FB! Have any of you seen that “Let’s see who’s paying attention…re-post this to your wall” bullshit that’s been floating around?
Jul 26, 2010 at 12:13 pm rating: 7
#23
HandyMarigolds
I’m especially fond of the new trend, wherein grown men and women gloat about “my birthday weekend!” or “my birthday week!” Thus commences several days’ worth of posts about “I love birthdays! Not gonna lie!” followed by what I can only assume is obsessive reloading to see if anyone has paid any attention yet.
Jul 26, 2010 at 1:51 pm rating: 5
#24
Citric
Hell, I didn’t even look on Facebook on my own birthday. I was too busy diggin’ ditches and bangin…you know.
Jul 26, 2010 at 2:04 pm rating: 6
#25
seacurs
Someone with lime disease should marry someone with lemon disease. Then they should name their children Sprite, 7-up, and Sierra Mist.
Jul 26, 2010 at 2:35 pm rating: 18
#26
T.U.M.
Now he’ll have to remember their birthdays, so he’ll know what day not to wish them a happy birthday on.
Jul 26, 2010 at 3:15 pm rating: 3
#27
TeacherLady
Dear PAN,
Thank you so much for remembering my birthday. Oh wait a minute, you didn’t. I know you don’t know my name or where I live or anything other than I might be a teacher, but you should really understand how important December 1st is in the grand scheme of things. I’m not trying to be a bitch or anything, but I’m putting you all on notice until my next birthday. If I don’t get any wishes then, that’s it, I’m done with all you losers!
Love,
TeacherLady
Jul 26, 2010 at 6:57 pm rating: 8
#28
Meisha
Hilarious. I share the same sentiments. I’ve never considered a birthday as anything more that just the day you were born. Facebook makes people feel like they are obligated to tell each other happy birthday. After all, the reminder is right there. They cease to realise that if you are important to someone, they will call or send a text, and if you are not important then they could just as easily overlook the reminder. It won’t kill them, or you, if they don’t. I’m sure of it.
Jul 27, 2010 at 12:05 am rating: 0
#29
FibberMcGee
Two things…
a) I agree FB places TOO MUCH pressure on us re: birthdays. A wall full of meaningless HB’s just depresses me. I think, “All these people wouldn’t have said happy birthday if FB didn’t tell ‘em to!”
b) Generally, the FB Birthday “Birthday Fest” posts irritate me. But, a friend was out of work for a while and all last December his FB page was filled with the Month of James stuff that linked to a web site he made (http://monthofjames.com). It’s pretty funny. I’m sure he wouldn’t mind me posting it because he’s a radio guy and made it to poke fun at people that think their birthday is the end all be all of birthdays.
Or because he’s an attention whore.
Jul 27, 2010 at 9:44 pm rating: 2
#30
Fanboy Wife
Aren’t posts like these a good reminder it’s time to prune one’s “friend” list?
Jul 28, 2010 at 10:46 pm rating: 3
#31
Baubo
According to the attention seekers of this PAN, I should really be pissed as my own husband did not take the time to post a Happy Birthday on my FB. I should definately unfriend him and put him on ignore. I guess he was too busy telling my Happy Birthday in person.
Jul 28, 2010 at 10:53 pm rating: 3
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