For the folks who found yesterday’s “do not come in” post a bit too “kids say the darndest things” precious, I figured I’d better even things out with a look at what happens when those neglected jealous siblings grow up…and get armed.
Exhibit A, spotted by Heather at a gas station in Gastonia, North Carolina
Exhibit B, which Steve found pinned to a tree in Athens, Ohio (where, while visiting friends, he stumbled upon the property of the local necrophiliac farmer)
And lastly, Exhibit C, spotted by Dex outside a “fairly dilapidated” house in Raleigh, North Carolina
related: The right to bear fruit
84 responses so far ↓
#1
Punkypower
Ohhh, Rottweiler DOG…thanks for the clarification.
Jul 27, 2010 at 11:10 pm rating: 20
#2
Wade
Wait. He has 8.5 inch Southern California barrels?
Jul 27, 2010 at 11:17 pm rating: 28
#3
crumplet
In case you didn’t know Tom’s Rottweiler DOG f**ks dead people too, just makes it a whole lot easier if it’s a male.
Jul 27, 2010 at 11:36 pm rating: 19
#4
JetJackson
Well now we all know a place to go in Ohio if we get a bit toey and strike out at the bar…
Jul 27, 2010 at 11:57 pm rating: 5
#5
strangelove
I dunno … Tom may just be socially awkward, and this is his clumsy attempt to make friends:
1) He invites us to guess which nights he sleeps here. That sounds friendly!
b) He let’s us know he’s a gun enthusiast, which is a fun hobby, and has a mean rottie, which could be like sick, or kick-ass, you know – vernacular for a sweet dog.
All this is here to great you! He might be reaching out to thieves, rogues, and no work scum because the first have flexible hours, and the latter two have all the time in the world. And who hasn’t been a rogue, or imagined themselves as one?
I think Tom is a romantic (esp. with his choice of the word “rogues,” that’s a clue, and “scum” too, it signals that he’s down-to-earth, a little jeux de mots). But signing it with love? Who signs with love but those open to new relationships?
I’d suggest to anyone near Tom to show up with a six-pack, or a nice pinot noir, and take the evening from there.
Jul 28, 2010 at 12:47 am rating: 56
#6
Nack
How is any of this passive aggressive? I find this full on, 50 caliber aggressive!
And I fully support it.
Oh wait, maybe that part about no-work-scum is passive…
Jul 28, 2010 at 12:53 am rating: 4
#7
TheOldSchool
There must be a mistake. All three of theses signs seem North Carolinian.
Jul 28, 2010 at 1:17 am rating: 6
#8
Froget Menot
Dear Tom,
Thank you for your numerous contributions to our litterary contest.Your ode is a gas ! but may i suggest you fuel in a few rhymes to impregnate and ignite the essence of your poem ? Something like
Thieves rogues and no work scum
Coming all the way from Rhum
This oak is my alter home
Stranger i love to welcome,
Taste this gun/dog epithome
Sincerely,
Edna Grotowsky, editor.
Gastonia’s Weekly .
Jul 28, 2010 at 3:15 am rating: 4
#9
Froget Menot
Due to impaired vision + disabling frenchitude
i have trouble identifying the twin blue things at the bottom of sign 3 , after a sleepless night,i came up with
Kids socks size 33 ? baby blue
Suppositories ? Brand 33
Upside down dead Pluto’s ears ,1933 ?
Finger-baseball bats , lavender glazed.?
This is nerve racking.
Jul 28, 2010 at 3:33 am rating: 4
#10
Froget Menot
Sign 2
This one is the tree thats hides the forest !
Jul 28, 2010 at 3:50 am rating: 3
#11
team sass
Sign 2 is almost kind of tempting. It’s been a while since … uhm… *shame* I can’t finish that lol.
Jul 28, 2010 at 6:08 am rating: 6
#12
mamason
Sign number two sounds like the trailer for the porno version of The Sixth Sense.
Jul 28, 2010 at 6:57 am rating: 21
#13
Canthz_B
Boy, they’re not very forgiving of those who trespass against them, are they?
Makes you wonder what tempted them to post the signs.
Jul 28, 2010 at 6:59 am rating: 6
#14
BennyD
Thanks Heather for sharing a sign that I have come to love for years! I frequent this gas station and am always curious what Tom has to say…
Ben
Jul 28, 2010 at 7:18 am rating: 2
#15
Pterosaur
My rogue has a passive Stealth of 26 and a +2 Challenge-Seeking Dagger. I bet that I could take him. His mean male Rottweiler dog looks like a minion, too.
Jul 28, 2010 at 7:19 am rating: 6
#16
Froget Menot
and this corpse was fucking deadlicious.
Jul 28, 2010 at 7:19 am rating: 6
#17
Karnivax
I’m glad to see Tom take aim at those shiftless unemployed folks. Talk about a drain on society!
Jul 28, 2010 at 8:14 am rating: 1
#18
Mindfield
Could someone explain that last sign to me? I get the one on the support beam, but on his front door is a No Tresspassing sign underneath which is a handwritten sign that appears to say, “Ignore this if you want to…”
So … what, if you DO make it past that first sign, you are now free to ignore the sign and trespass as you please? Well thank you neighbor, don’t mind if I do.
Jul 28, 2010 at 8:41 am rating: 7
#19
Ann
The last one is creepy, in a Silence of the Lambs way- what’s s/he got to hide so badly?
Jul 28, 2010 at 9:13 am rating: 1
#20
Froget Menot
The guy s name is Tom Smith
he adopted his dog Wesson as a baby.
Jul 28, 2010 at 9:28 am rating: 0
#21
GhostWriter
It’s easy to guess which two nights he sleeps there.
The non-stop sound effects from NES Duck Hunt can be heard a half mile away.
Jul 28, 2010 at 9:54 am rating: 19
#22
aaa
Can I loiter and trespass on the other side?
Jul 28, 2010 at 1:35 pm rating: 5
#23
Shannon
I think we’re missing the big issue. Why the crap is that guy sleeping at a gas station for 2 nights a week?
Jul 28, 2010 at 1:44 pm rating: 7
#24
Froget Menot
I think it may be his idea of playfulness
Constantly switching his 2 days of presence
in order to mindfuck the enemy.
Cat/mouse trip ? Ubiquity ?
Honk ! honk ! ..fill er up Lucifer ?
Jul 28, 2010 at 2:17 pm rating: 0
#25
mamason
Testosterone-fueled Wackjobs… my new band name.
Jul 28, 2010 at 2:58 pm rating: 5
#26
claw71
These wouldn’t be in Mel Gibson’s neighborhood would they? It seems that a recurring theme in his movies is a desire to fuck the object of his anger. In the director’s cut of Lethal Weapon 2 he actually butt rapes Gary Busey for 10 minutes in the final fight scene.
Jul 28, 2010 at 3:04 pm rating: 5
#27
Neeners
I think Tom is sweet. He clearly is seeking companionship as he invites us to love him at the end of his blathering, murderous, threatening note.
I feel strangely closer to him and if I wasn’t trying to break in and steal him blind, we might have been close friends.
Jul 28, 2010 at 7:15 pm rating: 7
#28
Wrench
The other sign on the last one: “Ignore this if you want to.”
Sooo… it’s only trespassing if I’m there against my will? Gotcha.
Jul 29, 2010 at 8:57 am rating: 0
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