Entries from July 2010

Sibling rivalry: the rift that keeps on giving

July 8th, 2010 · 41 Comments

Catie in Indianapolis was over at the house of her boyfriend’s family’s house when she spied this adorable-looking note on the fridge. Upon further investigation, she learned it was written by her boyfriend’s 7-year-old niece as a gift to her grandparents. Adds Catie: “I saw these girls in action over the weekend, and I think the fourth line actually overstates her feelings for her sisters.”

I love [Grandma] I love Mommy. I love Daddy. I like my sisters. I love [Grandpa].

I only hope the kid’s family holds on to her note until she’s old enough to be embarrassed/amused by her young self. As it happens, Sarah in Waco, Texas recently had the opportunity to do just that.

While cleaning out boxes after her grandmother passed away, she stumbled upon a thank you note she had written to her grandparents years earlier. (“In my defense,” Sarah says, “my brother never did write his own thank you note.”)

Dear Gramp and Gran, Thank you for the $20 (twonty) [sic] dollars you have me and Scotty. I don't know when Scott is making a Thank you note. Lots of Love, Sarah Lake (Wally's dauter [sic])

related: Dear Mommy, I love you…sometimes.

Tags: family · Indianapolis · nice stationery · siblings · signed with love · smiley · spelling and grammar police · Texas

Thinking outside the box

July 7th, 2010 · 86 Comments

“I have lived in my crappy building for over two years,” says our submitter from New York’s East Village. “It provides great entertainment, as we get a new set of notes built up on the wall every few months about issues such as people stealing Internet or the building smelling like cat pee. Then someone tears them down and we start over. (Though the building does usually smell of cat pee.)”

In the latest installment of note wars, the opening strike was launched by (she thinks) the building super.

Please do not put cardboard Boxes in Front of Building by Garbage. Leave in Hallway Lobby + Super will dispose properly.

Then some other anonymous apartment dweller threw in his or hew own (slightly flashier) take on the matter.

PLEASE REMOVE THIS CARD BOARD RECYCLING IS OUTSIDE. THIS NOT A DOOR-MAN BLDG.

And lastly…

These signs contradict one another. If we can't put the boxes outside and we can't put them in the hallway, where, may I ask, are we to put them? Thank you.

UPDATE: The box weighs in.

And as for that whole “New Yorkers are jerks” stereotype? This cardboard breakdown — spotted by Dianna in Santa Barbara, California — shows that when it comes to condescending rants, East Coasters don’t have a monopoly on rudeness.

For the person who placed this discard in the trash area! Everyone or rather most people sharing this facility are aware at the ELEMENTARY level (as per the sign on the gate) that YOU break the cardboard down and place it in the recycle container. CONCLUSION: People like you will have a visceral reaction as usual and neglect your personal responsibility. You are predictable. Trash personnel and recycle pick up people are not your lackys [sic] nor are your neighbors.

related: Stick this down your garbage chute

Tags: excessive underlining · irregular capitalization · neighbors · New York · note wars · recycling

Cock fight!

July 6th, 2010 · 121 Comments

A friend of Kent in San Diego lives in an unincorporated part of the country where raising backyard chickens is legal, despite how his neighbors might feel about it. And if this anonymous note is any indication, those neighbors’ feelings aren’t exactly baby-chick warm ‘n’ fuzzy. (But of course, there’s no way it’s passive-aggressive. Just neighborly concern. After all, it’s all about the children!!!)

In the interest of neighborly relations, I recommend that you get rid of the rooster. If you don't care about all of us that live near you who have to suffer while you collect the eggs, then maybe care about your family that is embarrassed by knowing what your neighbors are thinking. Thank you for your expeditious handling of this situation. Very sincerely, An affected neighbor

related: My neighbor starves his cows!

extra credit: Urban chicken farming — a burgeoning fake trend [Slate.com]

Tags: horses, cows, & chickens · neighbors · noise · San Diego

Sorry to break it to you

July 5th, 2010 · 101 Comments

The following message is a bit long, yes, but I had to post it because it reads uncannily like what I imagine as the epistolary novel of the future — complete with an unreliable narrator à la the Adrian Mole Diaries (or the sub-par American ripoff, Youth in Revolt).

It comes to us from Helen in Northern Ireland, who gives the following backstory:  ”So, I met a friend of a friend on a night out and he offered to ‘walk me home.’ Seeing right through that clever ruse, I left, only to be bombarded with no fewer than four texts, a Facebook message and a voicemail all saying some inebriated yet romantic things.”

Months later, Helen ran into a mutual friend of this would-be Lothario, and casually said something along the lines of, ‘He tried to walk me home once, but I think he is a bit strange.’ Shortly thereafter, she received this gem of a Facebook message. “Luckily,” Helen says, “he removed and blocked me from Facebook immediately after sending it. Nice chap!”

Don't flatter yourself

related: And women like u wonder why u get judged and labeled shallow

Tags: Facebook · just an asshole · just not that into you · oh no you didn't · spurned lover · TL;DR · U.K.

What’s really wrong with America today?

July 4th, 2010 · 65 Comments

If you had to pinpoint exactly what’s wrong with America, what would you say? Out-of-control debt? Oil-slicked beaches? The KFC double-down?

Well, you’re wrong. All wrong! Luckily, we have Leia in College Station, Texas and Sarah in Ocean Beach, California to spread the word about the real issue plaguing the nation: people leaving stuff places.

To whoever left this cart here: you are precisely what is wrong with America. Take the cart BACK!

This is what's wrong with America: People don't take Responsibility for  Them selves! If you put this here, Please don't have children! Thank you

This is what's wrong with America: People don't take Responsibility for  Them selves! If you put this here, Please don't have children! Thank you

Actually, I take that all back. This might actually be what’s wrong with America today. Happy July 4th, everyone!

related: Do you hate America?

Tags: California · irregular capitalization · misplaced patriotism · Texas

World Cup fans and great cats: together in vuvuzela disdain

July 3rd, 2010 · 43 Comments

From South Africa, a non-passive-aggressive weekend bonus note!

I wouldn’t be surprised if this sign — from Cheetah rehab center near Capetown — was only posted after the recent demise of some hapless Darwin Award candidate. (One who thought blasting one of the most irritating sounds on earth in the face of a large predatory cat was a good idea.)

Please refrain from blowing vuvuzela's [sic] in or around Cheetah Outreach Facility. Kind Regards, Management

Tags: actually totally reasonable · animal welfare · apostrophe catastrophe · noise · South Africa

The joys of teaching

July 1st, 2010 · 99 Comments

Our submitter, an English teacher in Thailand, received this letter from a parent so notorious at the school for notes like this that she has her own nickname among the staff — “SS, as in nuttier than squirrel shit.” The exasperating part, our submitter says, is the mother’s uncanny ability to “correct” non-mistakes in her daughter’s essays. (“As you may guess from reading, the daughter’s English is better than her own,” she says.)

And as tempted as she was to correct the mother’s grammar in her note, “I had to stop, for fear of my head exploding.”

Hope we are on the same direction

If that note left a bit of a bad taste in your mouth (or you’re one of those short-attention span “TL;DR types,”) not to worry: enjoy this end-of-the-year note written to a first-grade teacher in Atlanta. No, it’s not passive-aggressive…just adorable.

Dear Mr. [Redacted], You were the best teacher a student could ever have!  I love my class too!  I am sad that I'm going to second grade.  If I had a choice between you getting killed and my favorite tree getting chopped down, I would choose my favorite tree getting chopped down.

related: Sympathy for the Devil

Tags: Atlanta · kids · schools & teachers · Thailand · TL;DR