Entries from August 2010
At Nat’s office in York, England, one of his coworkers has been trying to bully everyone into coughing up some cash for an (admittedly worthy) charitable cause.
In Nat’s opinion, however, her guilt-heavy fund-raising techniques might benefit from a little fine-tuning…especially given that all seven of those special “charity pens” were nicked from the office supply closet.
related: Starve on!
Tags: "accidental" "borrowing" · a matter of taste · bar · confusion??? · guilt trip · Miami · MYOB · not wrong · office · office supplies · rebuttals · U.K.
In one of my clearest memories of first grade, I distinctly remember my teacher telling us, on the first day of school, that the bathroom in the back of the classroom was only for emergencies. For non-emergencies, we’d have to wait until lunchtime. In my six-year-old mind, however, “emergency” meant only one thing: “throwing up.” And so, when I had to go, I held it. And held it. Until…well, I wasn’t holding it anymore.
That’s right: It actually took wetting my pants for me to learn that the word “emergency” means very different things to different people — a concept some people apparently still haven’t figured out.
It’s unclear, for example, what might constitute a “citrus emergency” at this Pleasanton, California optometrist’s office. (Perhaps a masochistic mandarin peeling itself?)
You might think people would be a little more precise in their language on a military base. At Arizona’s Fort Huachuca, you’d only be about half right.
At Gustavo’s new office building in Seattle, it only took about a week — and about a bazillion false alarms— before someone decided a little clarification was necessary. (Sorta sounds like something you’d expect from a classroom of first-graders, no?)
Meanwhile, Andrew in Cirencester, England only noticed this sign after pushing open one of his office’s alarmed fire doors (triggering a sudden and unforeseen occurrence — i.e., ear-shattering noise).
related: Gee, thanks for the clarification
Tags: Arizona · California · CAPS LOCK · clip art catastrophe · obnoxious definition · office · Seattle · U.K. · WTF?
These notes — the first from on office in California, the second from an office in Arkansas — both seem like they’re following the same not-quite-finished flowchart for acceptable office paper usage.
Really, you’re in for a scolding no matter what. And as our submitter Hannah noticed — in this bizarre exchange from the copy room at a school in Spartanburg, South Carolina — contrition only seems to further incense the office Paper Nazis.
related: Nothing fosters community like shared networked printers!
Tags: Arkansas · California · confusion??? · exclamation-point happy!!!! · office · recycling · South Carolina
What’s frightening, of course, is that these things needed to be stated in the first place.
(Thanks to Jill in Des Moines, James in the U.K., and Heather and Eric in New York for submitting…and the kid from The Squid and the Whale for the, uh, inspiration.)
related: Apparently every office has someone with an insatiable need to spread the contents of their nose on the wall
Tags: actually totally reasonable · bodily fluids · hygiene · most popular notes of 2010 · piss · vomit · WTF?
…then you obviously haven’t been introduced to the Houston, Texas model apparently gunning for the title of “the Dane Cook of household appliances.”
(For that, you can be thankful.)
related: Microwave on the run!
Tags: anthropomorphism · cleaning · flowers, trees, houseplants & gardens · Houston · microwave · most popular notes of 2010 · thanks (but not really) · touching
Hey, look — it’s almost the entire 12-step program in one note! I especially like the abridged version: “To the idiot who stole: the world is your oyster.”
related: Is your washroom breeding Bolsheviks?
Tags: "helpful" advice · heart · Orange County · stealing · TL;DR · toilet paper
Fact: Working in a customer service position that necessitates long-term exposure to one’s fellow humans carries a significant risk of developing acute, potentially incurable, misanthropy. And if you’re stuck in the middle of nowhere, treatment is especially hard to find.
Exhibit a) From a roadside store in “the armpit of California, as witnessed on separate occasions by both Dirk and Danielle
Exhibit b) From a NON-fast food restaurant in the backwaters of Louisiana
Exhibit c) From a diner in a speck of a town called Endicott, Nebraska. (Adds submitter Jill: “They also have a stuffed two-headed calf!”)
related: How’s that for a low price guarantee?
Tags: "customer service" · restaurant · retail hell
Elana in North Rustico, Canada spotted this tart exchange inside her friend Shannon’s fridge.
Shannon, no doubt hoping to avoid getting called out for interfering with her roommate’s yogurt supply, wrote the first note. Her roommate Michael, perhaps taking issue with the note’s mildly patronizing tone, fired back with his own written retort. And as for the yogurts? Yup, still in the fridge.
related: Who’s the smartass?
Tags: Canada · fridge · most popular notes of 2010 · rebuttals · roommates · smartass · yogurt
While sorting through some old papers, Christina in Natick, Massachusetts was about to throw away this childhood note she had written to her Mom (and Dad too!), when her husband, Aaron, intervened. (Apparently no amount of coaxing could tease out exactly what horrible sin Paul committed, so feel free to speculate wildly.)
P.S. Hope you enjoyed it, you know.
related: Be sure to say goodbye forever
Tags: heart · kids · Moms & Dads · p.s. · siblings · signed with love
When Sal spotted this notice at an athletic clothing store in San Diego, he says that while he couldn’t quite picture how a tissue would get the job done in this situation — not to mention how this policy came to be — “I figured it was best not to ask questions.”
Meanwhile, when I first read this sign — from a club in Vancouver — my first thought was, “Well, that seems like a reasonable enough request.” Our submitter, Cherisse, begs to differ. “Sadly, there is no bathroom backstage,” she explains, ” wnd when a girl’s gotta go, sometimes the other end of the club is a long ways a way.” She adds: “If it wasn’t for the used paper towels being left outside, no one ever would have known.”
So… like Sal, I’m gonna say it’s probably best not to ask too many questions about this one.
related: “Who leaves their panties in the bathroom at work? Who does that?”
Tags: actually totally reasonable · bold-underlined-caps · hygiene · piss · retail hell · San Diego · Vancouver · WTF?