Frustrated by fridge thieves who continually ignore your polite (or not-so-polite) requests to keep their paws to themselves? Don’t get mad — get creative! You could end up with something so crazy it might actually work…that is, if it doesn’t totally backfire.
You could go for the classic bluff, with the hopes that you’ll inspire just enough self-doubt to encourage the thief to go for the next lunch bag over.
Or you could hold out hope that the thief in question is either very lazy, very stupid…
…or that he or she appreciates your twisted sense of humor enough to take mercy on your pathetic self.
Or you could just bring this for lunch. (Somehow, I think this would have been safe, even without the note.)
Thanks to Theresa in Birmingham, Alabama; Stacey in Manchester, New Hampshire; Alissa in Memphis, Tennessee; and Marianne in Dublin, Ireland for submitting!
related: That’s breastmilk!
87 responses so far ↓
#1
bazza
Whoa! Whoa! Whoa…. back up for a minute.
There’s a brand of cheese in Oz called ‘Coon’?!?
Aug 1, 2010 at 6:58 pm rating: 91
#2
RunForTheRoses
Heirloom tomatoes :]
Aug 1, 2010 at 7:06 pm rating: 90
#3
RunForTheRoses
Thank you, PAN. Worth the wait, although I missed you yesterday. This site is tastier than Bob’s Urine and more addictive than Caroline’s Coon.
Aug 1, 2010 at 7:07 pm rating: 90
#4
Aksi
I just spent half a minute trying to wipe the hair next to the E in “eatin” off of my screen.
Aug 1, 2010 at 7:09 pm rating: 90
#5
Allie
lol…no racoons here….fron Wiki “The cheese is said to be named after its American creator Edward W. Coon of Philadelphia”
Aug 1, 2010 at 7:13 pm rating: 90
#6
Canthz_B
They really take that Ziploc® seriously, don’t they?!
Aug 1, 2010 at 7:39 pm rating: 90
#7
pylgrim
I’d have used “Family Jewels” instead of “Heirloom” to add another layer of confusion and hopefully repulsion to my note.
Aug 1, 2010 at 8:29 pm rating: 90
#8
Maas
My preferred means of deterring food thieves is to put an over abundance of very spicy peppers in whatever dish I happen to have brought to work.
Aug 1, 2010 at 11:36 pm rating: 90
#9
Liz
When I was in college, we had a shared fridge in the hall. Things regularly disappeared from there. My parents gave me several steaks to take back with me to school, but I got them to hide them in the commercial-size BRUSSELS SPROUTS boxes they had available. Steaks never walked off in anyone else’s tummy! Another hint: cheesecake tinted off-green can also be efficacious at deterring wandering fridge pilferers.
Aug 1, 2010 at 11:55 pm rating: 90
#10
Splint Chesthair
Food thieves deserve everything they get. I take the time to think ahead and bring my lunch and they feel it’s perfectly ok to help themselves to my stuff. Well, let’s just say that I have made a few Marmite and cat food sandwiches in my day that have mysteriously disappeared from the fridge. I’m not sure if they’re tasty but my lunch bag usually stays unmolested after that.
Aug 2, 2010 at 5:05 am rating: 90
#11
Flaboy2425
I’m curious about what actually is in the box marked “rat poop.” Dare I open it to find out, thereby having one of those heirloom eggs thrown at me?
Aug 2, 2010 at 6:58 am rating: 90
#12
jel
I’m no expert, but that looks like picallili or chowchow in that last pic. Either way, it’s an acquired taste.
Aug 2, 2010 at 7:54 am rating: 90
#13
The Elf
The padlocks are the perfect touch. Nothing says “Get off my lunch!” like a padlock on a fragile plastic bag.
Aug 2, 2010 at 11:30 am rating: 90
#14
GhostWriter
It used to say “Bob’s Wine” until my Sharpie and a little Goo-Gone fixed it.
Aug 2, 2010 at 12:07 pm rating: 90
#15
mamason
“Meds in here” is the exact opposite of a deterrent.
Aug 2, 2010 at 1:11 pm rating: 90
#16
dody
This might have come in handy, unless your roommates have boltcutters…
http://fridgelocker.com/
Aug 2, 2010 at 3:40 pm rating: 90
#17
SeriousOpinion
Urine? Really? I also loved the one with H1N1 sandwich. I will have to use that at my work
Aug 2, 2010 at 5:09 pm rating: 90
#18
Goth Bunnyy
Okay, I’ve done something like this once – but it was real. I was in a show, and the cast was used to me brining some kind of snack for the dressing room. But this production I had tonsillitis – so I wrote on my carton of juice, “I have tonsillitis and drink from the carton. Help Yourself.”
Aug 2, 2010 at 5:18 pm rating: 90
#19
the final solution
I figured it out. I bring my lunch in an insulated bag, which is locked in my desk. I also bring a decoy lunch, stored in the communal fridge.
The decoy lunch often features rancid meat or items which have spent time in the cat box. Let’s give the co-workers some crippling diarrhea or explosive vomiting, and then let’s see how many random lunches they steal.
Now THAT is passive aggressive.
Aug 2, 2010 at 6:13 pm rating: 90
#20
Alexandra
Yes! Memphis represent!
Aug 3, 2010 at 2:01 am rating: 90
#21
mmmm....bac'n
I don’t think any of these notes would have kept my lunch safe at my last job. The only thing that ever worked was writing “Contains Bacon” on it. At least that worked until someone worked really late and decided to pick apart the salad. And then someone actually *read* the shakey bac’n (the fak’n bac’n that comes from a shaker) label and determined it had no bacon in it. Then I went back to losing my food to the doctors in the office. No wonder I gained weight when I started working at my next job. No one was stealing my lunch every day.
Aug 3, 2010 at 6:56 am rating: 90
#22
Wayne D.
I used to put green food coloring in my milk at college. Never got touched, although St. Patty’s day is another issue…
Aug 3, 2010 at 2:46 pm rating: 90
#23
Rob Usdin
Someone kept stealing my milk for my morning cereal at work (probably for their coffee), so I put lemonade in it to get back them. I’m sure that coffee tasted lovely….
Aug 4, 2010 at 6:00 pm rating: 90
#24
Brittany
There’s totally a pubic hair on the yellow sticky note.
Aug 8, 2010 at 9:48 pm rating: 90
#25
TheMortallyWounded
The “Bob’s Urine” has got to be a 3rd shifter, because that has got to be Arizona Stress Rx Tea, and he’s got to be protecting it from the 1st shifters as they infiltrate the lunchroom fridge every morning with their coolers and large pots of Vietnamese food.
Oct 14, 2010 at 10:31 am rating: 90
#26
johntonio
I definetly gotta get me one of those food-grade locks they got there.
Dec 2, 2010 at 12:47 am rating: 90
#27 Funniest (not necessarily passive-aggressive) notes of 2010 | PassiveAggressiveNotes.com
[...] Those heirloom tomatoes had sentimental value! [...]
Mar 6, 2011 at 11:35 am rating: 90
#28
Tim Kramar
I left a note on a drink that said “I spit in this.”
I came back for it, and there was another note attached that said, “So did I.”
Apr 26, 2011 at 6:31 am rating: 90
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