← →

Those heirloom tomatoes had sentimental value!

August 1st, 2010 · 87 comments

Frustrated by fridge thieves who continually ignore your polite (or not-so-polite) requests to keep their paws to themselves? Don’t get mad — get creative! You could end up with something so crazy it might actually work…that is, if it doesn’t totally backfire.

You could go for the classic bluff, with the hopes that you’ll inspire just enough self-doubt to encourage the thief to go for the next lunch bag over.

1. Meds in here Don't drink 2. Danger: Rat Poop

My Husband has H1N1 and he made this sandwich

BOB'S URINE

Or you could hold out hope that the thief in question is either very lazy, very stupid…

An excellent theft deterrent...for thieves without opposable thumbs

"No unsecured items allowed in the refrigerator"

…or that he or she appreciates your twisted sense of humor enough to take mercy on your pathetic self.

Please stop eatin my eggs + cheese, Theyre Family Heirlooms.

Or you could just bring this for lunch. (Somehow, I think this would have been safe, even without the note.)

Apparently some sort of pickled fish?

Thanks to Theresa in Birmingham, Alabama; Stacey in Manchester, New Hampshire; Alissa in Memphis, Tennessee; and Marianne in Dublin, Ireland for submitting!

related: That’s breastmilk!

 

FILED UNDER: beverages · cheese · fish · food · most popular notes of 2010 · not-so-veiled threats · office fridge · stealing · tea · water


87 responses so far ↓

  • #1   bazza

    Whoa! Whoa! Whoa…. back up for a minute.
    There’s a brand of cheese in Oz called ‘Coon’?!?

    Aug 1, 2010 at 6:58 pm   rating: 50  small thumbs up

    reply to this comment

    • #1.1   infant tyrone bang

      Maybe made from raccoon milk…
      making it Australia’s testiest cheese.
      Ever try to milk one?

      Aug 1, 2010 at 7:02 pm   rating: 21  small thumbs up

       

    • #1.2   Swiss Miss

      From Wiki:

      The cheese is said to be named after its American creator Edward W. Coon of Philadelphia, who patented a method, subsequently known as the Cooning process, for fast maturation of cheese via high temperature and humidity.[2][3][4][1] Former manufacturer Kraft, and later Dairy Farmers and National Foods, have vigorously defended the trademark.

      Aug 1, 2010 at 7:32 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

       

    • #1.3   FeRD bang

      2!! 3!! 4!! 1!! Gooooooo, Coons!

      Aug 1, 2010 at 8:11 pm   rating: 16  small thumbs up

       

    • #1.4   Canthz_B bang

      This just hurts my feelings. But, with no face to represent the brand, it beats both Uncle Ben’s and Aunt Jemima for political correctness points! :-P

      Aug 1, 2010 at 8:18 pm   rating: 27  small thumbs up

       

    • #1.5   Aussie Patti

      Aussies..as politically incorrect as they come, and very defensive about it too!! I had forgotten about this cheese back home. Gosh we really are insensitive.LOL

      Aug 1, 2010 at 8:54 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       

    • #1.6   Kat

      @ Canthz_B: Interestingly enough, Uncle Ben was a real person. He was a rice farmer in Texas (known as Uncle Ben) whose rice was renown for its quality. His name became a byword for quality rice in the area. Unfortunately, I don’t think he received any compensation for the use of his name. The “face” of Uncle Ben was Chicago’s Tavern Club’s hat check man, Frank Brown. He was paid $500 to sit for the portrait of the mascot (this was 1944). Again, I think that was all the compensation that was earned.

      *The more you know!*

      Aug 1, 2010 at 10:16 pm   rating: 27  small thumbs up

       

    • #1.7   Canthz_B bang

      Um, I never said he wasn’t a real person…he would have been known as “Uncle” Ben because it was deemed inappropriate to call a Black man “Mister”.
      The closest term which could be used to recognize a man of color who happened to have attained a certain age was “Uncle”.

      Even if the original rice farmer was White, “Uncle” would have been used for the portrait of the Black man on the product.

      But, of course, he was indeed not White…According to the official Uncle Ben’s, Inc. website (www.unclebens.com), he was “an African American rice farmer known to rice millers in and around Houston for consistently producing the highest quality rice.”

      Live and learn. ;-)

      Aug 1, 2010 at 10:21 pm   rating: 13  small thumbs up

       

    • #1.8   Kat

      Never said he was! :)

      I’m honestly not picking a fight, I just think it’s interesting and important to study the origins of advertising, especially in regards to race in advertising (including Uncle Ben, “African villagers,” “exotic Orientals,” etc.). I only mentioned the Uncle Ben story because it was something I learned not too long ago and was at least peripherally relevant to the discussion.

      (Sorry, I’m a media studies geek. I forget that sometimes things I say can be taken as confrontational.)

      Aug 1, 2010 at 10:35 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

       

    • #1.9   Canthz_B bang

      No fight perceived. Just thought you’d like to know why the name “Uncle” Ben is racist and offensive. Notice it’s not “Mr. Whoever’s” rice, right? Do we even know his surname? Who needed it, when they’d never refer to a man of his social standing by it anyway?
      In the American South, whites once commonly referred to elderly black men as “uncle,” even though they were not blood relatives (cf. Uncle Remus and Uncle Tom).

      I suppose they didn’t teach that part in your media studies course, so I just figured…the more you know! ;-)

      Aug 1, 2010 at 10:41 pm   rating: 13  small thumbs up

       

    • #1.10   Maas

      I think Mister Jones would be a terrible name for a brand of food. Racist undertones aside, I suspect that people would rather eat something that sounds familial, than something from a stranger who won’t even give his first name.

      Aug 1, 2010 at 11:32 pm   rating: 19  small thumbs up

       

    • #1.11   Canthz_B bang

      Tell that to Mrs. Smith’s pies or Mrs. Paul’s fish sticks. Hell, even a peanut in a top hat gets called “mister”!

      Fact is, “uncle” was not a term of respect when applied to a mature black man, it just reflected the reality that you can’t very well call a 60 year-old man “boy” (especially when he’s your elder)…and this particular type of “uncle” probably served up more saliva than his “family” would like to think about. ;-)

      I don’t make the history, I just report it.
      The use of the “good manservant” as an ambassador for their product is based on a very racist time and concept in our country. A time when “our good Niggras were happy to serve us the very best”.
      A time when a black male went from “boy” to “uncle”, but was never referred to as a “man” or “mister” in polite white company.
      Kat might call that “the origins of the advertising”, as that is the actual advertising strategy employed. The hook into the consciousness of the consumer if you will.

      So the real Uncle Ben was a respected rice farmer. Tell me why the mascot on the product is dressed as a butler or waiter, not a farmer in overalls or something?
      You see, this was no racist “undertone”, it was and still is blatantly racist, and overtly marketed as such.
      A very successful marketing strategy, I must admit, but still racist.

      I’m not looking for a fight here either, Maas…just pointing out some historical realities.
      Why it’s so hard for some of us to acknowledge the ugly truths in our society is beyond me.
      And grasping at straws as you did above is beneath you.

      “The truth is out there” does not just apply to the X-Files.

      Aug 2, 2010 at 12:08 am   rating: 37  small thumbs up

       

    • #1.12   Maas

      I don’t trust Mrs. Smith, and I think it’s more than a little suspicious that Mrs. Paul’s fish come in stick form.

      Aug 2, 2010 at 9:08 am   rating: 32  small thumbs up

       

    • #1.13   The Elf

      FWIW, there’s a local hot sauce company that goes by “Uncle Brutha”. Yeah, you read it right. Both Uncle and lost the “er”. But since this is a modern company and the (black) guy behind the sauce decided the name, he’s not politically incorrect as much as ironic. And he makes a damn fine sauce. So there’s that.

      Aug 2, 2010 at 9:27 am   rating: 12  small thumbs up

       

    • #1.14   Kat

      I want to high-five Canthz_B against a background of rainbows, explosions, and history-related texts. Is that wrong?

      Aug 2, 2010 at 10:34 am   rating: 17  small thumbs up

       

    • #1.15   mamason bang

      Yes.

      Aug 2, 2010 at 1:00 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       

    • #1.16   Wench bang

      Yep, there is really a cheese here in Australia called Coon.

      Aug 2, 2010 at 8:00 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       

    • #1.17   JW

      We Australians also have a candy called Redskins. I was shot absolute looks of horror when I asked where I could buy Redskins in Canada…

      Aug 2, 2010 at 11:19 pm   rating: 21  small thumbs up

       

    • #1.18   Janellionaire

      @kat 1.14: Every time I high-five someone I imagine us freeze-framed at the moment of impact, with a rainbow displaying the word “Shazam!” appearing over our heads. I also usually say it under my breath. This might be why I don’t get many high-fives.

      Aug 3, 2010 at 1:31 am   rating: 33  small thumbs up

       

    • #1.19   The Elf

      JW, try that in Washington DC. We might actually help you if it meant getting the Washington Redskins away from Dan Snyder……

      Aug 3, 2010 at 5:55 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       

    • #1.20   Alifus

      Yes, it is produced in the Coon Valley.

      Seriously

      Mar 4, 2011 at 8:18 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       

    • #1.21   amazed

      Yes my friend….there is a brand of cheese in Oz called Coon.

      I’m originally from New Zealand but now live in Aust. Everytime I buy it from the supermarket not only do I feel guilty…but I hide it in my shopping bag so you can’t see it through the plastic bag…

      If fact I was walking down the street the other day and saw someone else’s Coon branded cheese through their shopping bag and I was embarrassed for them…after all of these years I can’t get used to it….

      (even as I write this postIi feel the need to write Coon “branded” cheese….)

      ….*shakes head

      Mar 13, 2011 at 1:00 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       

    • #1.22   JumbleJumble

      You know what’s awful (or awesome, depending on how you look at it)? I’m a black American and I didn’t know that ‘coon’ was a racial epithet for ‘my people’ until just a few years ago (I’m 22). Hooray for progress (or ignorance)?

      Mar 31, 2011 at 4:28 pm   rating: 22  small thumbs up

       
    add to this thread
     

  • #2   RunForTheRoses

    Heirloom tomatoes :]

    Aug 1, 2010 at 7:06 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    reply to this comment
     

  • #3   RunForTheRoses

    Thank you, PAN. Worth the wait, although I missed you yesterday. This site is tastier than Bob’s Urine and more addictive than Caroline’s Coon.

    Aug 1, 2010 at 7:07 pm   rating: 14  small thumbs up

    reply to this comment
     

  • #4   Aksi

    I just spent half a minute trying to wipe the hair next to the E in “eatin” off of my screen.

    Aug 1, 2010 at 7:09 pm   rating: 23  small thumbs up

    reply to this comment

    • #4.1   That One Girl

      I did the same thing!

      Aug 1, 2010 at 7:39 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       

    • #4.2   infant tyrone bang

      Unless you’re stocked up on paper towels, y’all probably want to avoid http://www.everythingyoualwayswantedtoknowaboutbukkake.com

      Aug 1, 2010 at 8:53 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       

    • #4.3   ~/semaht\~

      Yeah, the hair really makes it for me. I’m not normally squeamish, but even my own hair + food starts the gagging. Maybe I’m part cat …

      Aug 1, 2010 at 9:29 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       

    • #4.4   Kat

      The fact that it appears to be a pubic hair is better deterrent than the note itself.

      Aug 1, 2010 at 10:17 pm   rating: 28  small thumbs up

       

    • #4.5   jadefirefly

      I hate you a little, infant tyrone. I couldn’t resist the urge to actually click on that. XD

      Aug 1, 2010 at 11:11 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       

    • #4.6   Liz

      Do you really think they’re planning to weave the eggs and cheese in with the pubes when they fire up the hair loom? What kind of garment does one make with such a concoction? Bleh.

      No, I don’t think it would be *fucking delicious*!

      Aug 1, 2010 at 11:48 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       

    • #4.7   infant tyrone bang

      @4.5 Sorry, I couldn’t (didn’t) resist the urge to push the envelope there.

      @4.6 A chic quiche hair-shirt for the penitent who has everything ?

      Aug 2, 2010 at 3:40 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       

    • #4.8   The Elf

      ~/semaht\~ , if you were part cat you’d just eat the hair and save the gagging for when your person has left you alone AGAIN when all you wanted was to be adored all evening and you’ve noticed their favorite pair of shoes has been left outside of the closet. That’s when you get the gag thing going!

      Our house is decorated in a cat hair theme. At least that’s what I tell myself when I have to use the lint roller on the couch.

      Aug 2, 2010 at 11:26 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       

    • #4.9   Janellionaire

      That is totally a pube. I was wondering if anyone else noticed.

      Aug 3, 2010 at 1:35 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    add to this thread
     

  • #5   Allie

    lol…no racoons here….fron Wiki “The cheese is said to be named after its American creator Edward W. Coon of Philadelphia”

    Aug 1, 2010 at 7:13 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    reply to this comment

    • #5.1   Noelegy

      Does “Coon” have the same racist overtones in Australia that it does in the US? Remember, some slang does not translate too smoothly, after all, in the US “fanny” is a perfectly harmless slang word for “posterior.”

      Aug 2, 2010 at 9:32 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       

    • #5.2   ISpy

      I would love to add some naughty foreign (yet covert) vocabulary to my repertoire. So, Noelegy, how about a definition and sentence using “fanny” in the Australian vernacular? Does anyone else want to play?

      And kids, let’s keep the racial slang out of the discussion. I much prefer covertly offending people using scatological language and references to body parts.

      Aug 2, 2010 at 12:34 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       

    • #5.3   mamason bang

      Coon only has racist overtones if you use the word in reference to a person, not if you are speaking of a cute, furry woodland creature, although we apparently can no longer use the word uncle.

      Aug 2, 2010 at 1:07 pm   rating: 19  small thumbs up

       

    • #5.4   meatpopsicle

      Thank you, mamason. This discussion was getting just a little too preachy and politically correct for my tastes. Then again, I am Australian.

      Aug 2, 2010 at 4:51 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       

    • #5.5   Scribbles the Monkey bang

      ISpy: I gotcha’ back.

      (To be read in my Australian accent)

      The girl’s magnificent fanny glistened in the comforting sun. The day seemed to slow down when we had our butt naked arses out, and the afternoon remains in my mind an eternity. An eternity of butt naked arse fanny in the sun.

      At once, my hands lurched forward to awkwardly grasp the titties and my hips and pecker made a humping move that gained only air — not the sweet fuckfanny that I targeted innately.

      After a while, I flipped her over on her arse so that her fanny kissed the clouds. I thrust my fannyfucker in at last. It did not gain purchase immediately, but with some fucking around it was finally plunged deep within the broad’s fanblaster, and I came instantly.

      Love,
      Scribbles

      Aug 2, 2010 at 6:47 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       

    • #5.6   WelcomeSinners

      I used to know a Belgian chap called Coon. Calling him across a crowded pub was fraught with difficulty.

      p.s.
      fannybatter (n) : Lady garden secretions

      Aug 2, 2010 at 7:41 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       

    • #5.7   Raincheck

      @ISpy:
      I doubt many Americans know that ‘root’ is used as a funny/rude word in Australia. Let’s just say that rooting the local football team has a very different meaning from (U.S.) rooting FOR them. So have some fun asking people where their roots are, or if they can’t find something, suggest they root around under the bed. Maybe you could start saying ‘just root yourself here for a moment’ as a quirky alternative to “please wait here”. Just be sure you don’t say that to any Aussies!

      Aug 2, 2010 at 9:21 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       

    • #5.8   ISpy

      @ Scribbles: Um, yeah. Maybe I will pass on the body part references after all.
      @ Raincheck: I have always found the word “root” amusing. Thanks for adding more reasons to smirk when I hear it.

      Aug 3, 2010 at 1:27 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       

    • #5.9   Janellionaire

      Scribbles, I still don’t know what body part “fanny” actually refers to, so your soft-core was unhelpful. Interesting, yes, but I’m left with more questions than answers.

      Aug 3, 2010 at 1:44 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       

    • #5.10   Raincheck

      @Janellionaire: Front bum. Lady garden. Twat. Furburger. Vajayjay.

      Aug 3, 2010 at 2:46 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       

    • #5.11   Canthz_B bang

      Sorry :-(

      Didn’t mean to get “preachy”…just meant to enlighten (probably got a bit carried away while at it too, LOL). Holocausts come in all shapes, sizes, degrees and colors. Just thought we should recognize that.

      Apologies to anyone I offended, but I take the history of my people seriously, because those who do not learn from history are doomed to repeat it.

      Forgive me my awareness. :-D

      Aug 4, 2010 at 1:41 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    add to this thread
     

  • #6   Canthz_B bang

    They really take that Ziploc® seriously, don’t they?!

    Aug 1, 2010 at 7:39 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    reply to this comment
     

  • #7   pylgrim

    I’d have used “Family Jewels” instead of “Heirloom” to add another layer of confusion and hopefully repulsion to my note.

    Aug 1, 2010 at 8:29 pm   rating: 14  small thumbs up

    reply to this comment
     

  • #8   Maas

    My preferred means of deterring food thieves is to put an over abundance of very spicy peppers in whatever dish I happen to have brought to work.

    Aug 1, 2010 at 11:36 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    reply to this comment
     

  • #9   Liz

    When I was in college, we had a shared fridge in the hall. Things regularly disappeared from there. My parents gave me several steaks to take back with me to school, but I got them to hide them in the commercial-size BRUSSELS SPROUTS boxes they had available. Steaks never walked off in anyone else’s tummy! Another hint: cheesecake tinted off-green can also be efficacious at deterring wandering fridge pilferers.

    Aug 1, 2010 at 11:55 pm   rating: 23  small thumbs up

    reply to this comment

    • #9.1   articulett

      This is worth remembering! (I used to wrap chocolate chip cookie dough in foil and label it “liver loaf” to keep it safe.)

      Aug 2, 2010 at 5:25 am   rating: 17  small thumbs up

       

    • #9.2   Scribbles the Monkey bang

      The simplicity… The brilliance…

      Aug 2, 2010 at 7:05 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       

    • #9.3   Risha

      If I were a food thief in your dorm, I’d totally have broken into your brussel sprouts box and have been terribly disappointed. Those things are incredibly delicious.

      Aug 3, 2010 at 8:49 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    add to this thread
     

  • #10   Splint Chesthair

    Food thieves deserve everything they get. I take the time to think ahead and bring my lunch and they feel it’s perfectly ok to help themselves to my stuff. Well, let’s just say that I have made a few Marmite and cat food sandwiches in my day that have mysteriously disappeared from the fridge. I’m not sure if they’re tasty but my lunch bag usually stays unmolested after that.

    Aug 2, 2010 at 5:05 am   rating: 32  small thumbs up

    reply to this comment

    • #10.1   The voice of... James Mason

      Marmite and cat food sandwiches!!! LOVE it! I wish I had thought of that when I was living with my very own Michelle. I just wound up buying a gigantic box with a lock on it and putting all of my food inside… It took an annoyingly long time to open when I wanted to eat something, but it did the trick!

      Aug 2, 2010 at 7:55 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    add to this thread
     

  • #11   Flaboy2425

    I’m curious about what actually is in the box marked “rat poop.” Dare I open it to find out, thereby having one of those heirloom eggs thrown at me?

    Aug 2, 2010 at 6:58 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    reply to this comment
     

  • #12   jel

    I’m no expert, but that looks like picallili or chowchow in that last pic. Either way, it’s an acquired taste.

    Aug 2, 2010 at 7:54 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    reply to this comment
     

  • #13   The Elf

    The padlocks are the perfect touch. Nothing says “Get off my lunch!” like a padlock on a fragile plastic bag.

    Aug 2, 2010 at 11:30 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    reply to this comment
     

  • #14   GhostWriter bang

    It used to say “Bob’s Wine” until my Sharpie and a little Goo-Gone fixed it.

    Aug 2, 2010 at 12:07 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    reply to this comment
     

  • #15   mamason bang

    “Meds in here” is the exact opposite of a deterrent.

    Aug 2, 2010 at 1:11 pm   rating: 20  small thumbs up

    reply to this comment

    • #15.1   Mo® bang

      Anyone for more meds?

      Aug 2, 2010 at 4:43 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       

    • #15.2   mamason bang

      “Thanks a lot! That was my baby’s meds for the day.”

      Aug 2, 2010 at 7:14 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       

    • #15.3   Scribbles the Monkey bang

      Meds for what ails ya! Unlabelled meds are like chicken soup. For the soul.

      Aug 2, 2010 at 7:16 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    add to this thread
     

  • #16   dody

    This might have come in handy, unless your roommates have boltcutters…

    http://fridgelocker.com/

    Aug 2, 2010 at 3:40 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    reply to this comment
     

  • #17   SeriousOpinion

    Urine? Really? I also loved the one with H1N1 sandwich. I will have to use that at my work :)

    Aug 2, 2010 at 5:09 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    reply to this comment
     

  • #18   Goth Bunnyy

    Okay, I’ve done something like this once – but it was real. I was in a show, and the cast was used to me brining some kind of snack for the dressing room. But this production I had tonsillitis – so I wrote on my carton of juice, “I have tonsillitis and drink from the carton. Help Yourself.”

    Aug 2, 2010 at 5:18 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    reply to this comment

    • #18.1   Raincheck

      That reminds me of the guy in the bar who had to go to the bathroom and left a note stuck to his beer saying “I have spat in this”. When he returned, someone had added “So have I”.

      Aug 2, 2010 at 9:27 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    add to this thread
     

  • #19   the final solution

    I figured it out. I bring my lunch in an insulated bag, which is locked in my desk. I also bring a decoy lunch, stored in the communal fridge.

    The decoy lunch often features rancid meat or items which have spent time in the cat box. Let’s give the co-workers some crippling diarrhea or explosive vomiting, and then let’s see how many random lunches they steal.

    Now THAT is passive aggressive.

    Aug 2, 2010 at 6:13 pm   rating: 25  small thumbs up

    reply to this comment

    • #19.1   Scribbles the Monkey bang

      TFS, but ya know, you might have some culpability there, if you’re feeding poison to your coworkers. I’m no lawyer, though.

      Aug 2, 2010 at 7:20 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       

    • #19.2   Wench bang

      But who would ‘fess up to eating someone elses lunch? It’s hardly feeding poison to someone, they CHOSE to take something they knew didnt belong to them.

      Aug 2, 2010 at 8:10 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       

    • #19.3   Splint Chesthair

      Yes, but you still have intention, and it would be argued that your intention was to make people sick. It’s the same reason you can’t rig your car to blow up if a thief tries to steal it. Yeah, the thief was in the wrong but you can’t booby-trap your car.

      Best bet is to make the most disgusting thing you can think of, like chocolate pudding and olives, or canned salmon and watermelon jello, or blue cheese cookies.

      Aug 3, 2010 at 7:47 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       

    • #19.4   infant tyrone bang

      And for the frozen section, tuna-fudge-swirl ice cream…

      Aug 3, 2010 at 8:37 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       

    • #19.5   the final solution

      Splint, I have made blue cheese muffins, with extra stinky blue cheese. They were for a “mandatory” potluck we had once. I guess great minds think alike.

      In the future I will concentrate on merely disgusting rather than harmful. But, as other posters have said — who is going to admit that they got sick from a stolen lunch, and how will they prove whose lunch made them sick?

      The people I work with don’t have a habit of leaving leftovers. They just chow through everything like human versions of The Langoliers. They could get sick from something at work or, judging by the condition they leave the communal kitchen in, something from their disgusting homes.

      Aug 3, 2010 at 4:40 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    add to this thread
     

  • #20   Alexandra

    Yes! Memphis represent! :)

    Aug 3, 2010 at 2:01 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    reply to this comment
     

  • #21   mmmm....bac'n

    I don’t think any of these notes would have kept my lunch safe at my last job. The only thing that ever worked was writing “Contains Bacon” on it. At least that worked until someone worked really late and decided to pick apart the salad. And then someone actually *read* the shakey bac’n (the fak’n bac’n that comes from a shaker) label and determined it had no bacon in it. Then I went back to losing my food to the doctors in the office. No wonder I gained weight when I started working at my next job. No one was stealing my lunch every day.

    Aug 3, 2010 at 6:56 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    reply to this comment

    • #21.1   The Elf

      Were all your doctors (who presumably, could afford lunch) Jewish, Hindu, or Muslim? ‘Cause a notice of bacon will probably have most people very much interested in your lunch! Mmmmm….. Bacon…… sweet, sweet, bacon…..

      Aug 3, 2010 at 7:41 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    add to this thread
     

  • #22   Wayne D.

    I used to put green food coloring in my milk at college. Never got touched, although St. Patty’s day is another issue…

    Aug 3, 2010 at 2:46 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    reply to this comment
     

  • #23   Rob Usdin

    Someone kept stealing my milk for my morning cereal at work (probably for their coffee), so I put lemonade in it to get back them. I’m sure that coffee tasted lovely….

    Aug 4, 2010 at 6:00 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    reply to this comment
     

  • #24   Brittany

    There’s totally a pubic hair on the yellow sticky note.

    Aug 8, 2010 at 9:48 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    reply to this comment

    • #24.1   Tana

      Oh my God, I saw it too!
      Gross.

      Aug 14, 2010 at 2:06 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    add to this thread
     

  • #25   TheMortallyWounded bang

    The “Bob’s Urine” has got to be a 3rd shifter, because that has got to be Arizona Stress Rx Tea, and he’s got to be protecting it from the 1st shifters as they infiltrate the lunchroom fridge every morning with their coolers and large pots of Vietnamese food.

    Oct 14, 2010 at 10:31 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    reply to this comment

    • #25.1   James

      What’s worse is that Bob is a supervisor, not third shift. (I submitted that back in 2008)

      Feb 12, 2011 at 7:48 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       

    • #25.2   Bob

      I am Bob. No one ever drank me tea again!! I did seem to poop a lot more. Maybe someone added some exlax??

      Feb 13, 2011 at 6:38 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    add to this thread
     

  • #26   johntonio

    I definetly gotta get me one of those food-grade locks they got there.

    Dec 2, 2010 at 12:47 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    reply to this comment
     

  • #27   Funniest (not necessarily passive-aggressive) notes of 2010 | PassiveAggressiveNotes.com

    [...] Those heirloom tomatoes had sentimental value! [...]

    Mar 6, 2011 at 11:35 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    reply to this comment
     

  • #28   Tim Kramar

    I left a note on a drink that said “I spit in this.”

    I came back for it, and there was another note attached that said, “So did I.”

    Apr 26, 2011 at 6:31 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    reply to this comment
     

Comments are Closed