Writes Natalie in Pennsylvania: “My mother (who is unfortunately on Facebook) noticed that some of my extended family had wished my twin sister happy birthday but not me.”
Although Natalie herself couldn’t care less, her mother — “a master of both e-mail networking and Jewish guilt”— took it upon herself to write this e-mail and send it out everyone in the entire family. “And I mean EVERYONE,” Natalie says — “my cousins in Mexico got it!” [Face palm]
(If you can’t decipher the hideous font, mouse over the image for a translation.)
(What would Jessica and Elizabeth Wakefield do? Find out in Sweet Valley High #144: Relative Intentions!)
related: Yet another reason why you shouldn’t be friends with your parents on Facebook
61 responses so far ↓
#1
withing
Makes me glad that neither my mother nor my twin is on facebook
Aug 16, 2010 at 9:50 pm rating: 6
#2
langostino
I must be a loser, because I find this perfectly appropriate. I guess if the person in question is a tween or early teenager, there might be some minor embarrassment, but children that age need to be embarrassed so they can learn to get over themselves.
I heartily approve of this email (except for the font).
Aug 16, 2010 at 10:01 pm rating: 25
#3
pylgrim
“Also, for the ones that greeted them both: Some greetings were shorter in lenght than the one given to the other twin, in such a way that one of them has got in average one and half less characters than the other. Please make sure in the future not to accidentally commit this egregious injustice again.”
Aug 16, 2010 at 10:24 pm rating: 57
#4
Nack
I’m all for saying, “Guys, they’re twins, k? Don’t be rude.”
But the insipid way it’s being presented… “Dear Ones” and …”Gentle Relations”…wow. That reeks of insanity yet to come.
For your own sake, Gentle Relations, please greet the twins the same way! I see hatchets, horse heads, and almond-flavored tea in your futures if you neglect this select endeavor of interest to your Sister, Aunt, or Mother.
Aug 16, 2010 at 11:47 pm rating: 36
#5
Jonathan
I prefer my relations a bit… rougher than that.
Aug 17, 2010 at 12:16 am rating: 17
#6
JetJackson
Your aunt, sister AND mother?
The only way I can see that is feasible is if your father marries his sister and gives birth to you and your brother. Your mother is then also your Aunt. Your mother/aunt then leaves your father and marries your brother (her second son) and becomes your Mother/Aunt/Sister-in-law. So technically not a pure sister.
Aug 17, 2010 at 12:30 am rating: 24
#7
Canthz_B
Yeah, because disingenuous, cookie-cutter birthday wishes are greatly appreciated by one and all.
“This individuality stuff is a bunch of crap. The bilious bastards who wrote that stuff about individuality for the Saturday Evening Post don’t know anything more about real birthdays than they do about fornicating.”
–parody of speech from Patton, the film
Aug 17, 2010 at 12:58 am rating: 5
#8
pony girl
Her mother reads way too much Miss Manners.
Or she is Miss Manners, judging by the Dear ones and Gentle relations.
Aug 17, 2010 at 1:58 am rating: 15
#9
turdbasket
“aunt, sister and mother”
… kentucky?
Aug 17, 2010 at 2:20 am rating: 0
#10
Patti
Mother maybe ignoring the obvious, maybe the other twin is really not liked as much as the “loved twin”
Aug 17, 2010 at 6:26 am rating: 13
#11
anglophile
I shudder to think of how long this mother tried to force her twins to dress alike.
Aug 17, 2010 at 7:50 am rating: 24
#12
park rose
Well, is it special intention, or general intention? When talking relatives, it pays to be specific.
Aug 17, 2010 at 7:53 am rating: 3
#13
Allie
Wow. I’m imagining my mother doing something like this (she never would!) and I’m embarrassed for this girl. Though, really, what the hell were the family members thinking in just messaging one twin?
Aug 17, 2010 at 8:28 am rating: 7
#14
Elmo
Manners Mom has done a passable imitation of the style used by Judith (Miss Manners) Martin but, unlike the real thing, her message lacks Miss Manners’ ability to convey disapproval using only the most approving terms.
Aug 17, 2010 at 8:34 am rating: 11
#15
katiewatie
I feel embarrassed for Natalie at all the belated birthday messages she must have received AFTER this note was sent, knowing they only sent the greetings because they were scolded into it by her mother. What a way to ruin her birthday
Aug 17, 2010 at 8:58 am rating: 22
#16
Pterosaur
“She who hears nothing from her dear ones on the day of her rejoicing must think herself unloved.” WTF?
This note is so sanctimonious it reads like a biblical prophecy. The day of her rejoicing? Really?
“And the wrath of the heavens shall smite those that bestow inequitable blessings upon the glorious twin-born! Repent!”
Aug 17, 2010 at 11:09 am rating: 28
#17
claw71
Traslation:
Mom loves Natalie more. Natalie is the goody-goody who always followed the rules and minded her mother. Natalie’s sister is the lusty harlot who dropped out of college to go on tour with Slipknot, dabbled in porn and now runs a tattoo parlor in Winnemucca.
Naturally this makes her more popular on facebook, a fact which never ceases to infuriate mom.
Aug 17, 2010 at 11:34 am rating: 27
#18
RP
What if the OP and her twin aren’t even FB friends with all the same relatives?
I know my oldest sister is FB friends with more of my extended family than I am.
Aug 17, 2010 at 1:54 pm rating: 1
#19
Nyero6
Hi I feel like creating this topic so.. hi
Aug 17, 2010 at 4:18 pm rating: 2
#20
ErinPatricia
Sweet Valley refrence FTW!!!
Aug 17, 2010 at 8:02 pm rating: 2
#21
April
While I would not pull the whole passive aggresive note thing I do have to say it is a bit of a dick move to only wish one twin Happy Birthday if both of them are on facebook and your friends list and you are close to both of them.
Aug 18, 2010 at 2:48 pm rating: 1
#22
Gina
sounds like my mother wrote this. ha
Aug 18, 2010 at 4:22 pm rating: 0
#23
jane doe
I am a twin, and I friggin’ DIG that note !
Sep 11, 2010 at 10:38 am rating: 0
#24
amber
what do you guys think of this, i am getting friend requests on facebook from my grandmas sisters kids and all kinds of cousins that i have not seen since i was 5, not to be rude, but these are some less than desireable people and i have all of my husbands family as friends, and i dont think the 2 familys would mesh well as far as using language and posting links to rap music as such things, at first i just ignored it but my weirdo cousin who i saw at my little sis graduation a few months ago but before that probably have not seen this druggie in like15 years…so i ignore his request and he sends another so i ignor it , then he send me a letter saying this is brian your cousin accept my friend request…so i was like god whatever and i did now all of the other ones are requesting again. i have like 20 friends and they are family in law, mom, grandparents and close friends…is it rude of me to ignore them and erase my cousin….i am really not snobby or anything even tho it may sound like it.
Sep 13, 2010 at 4:21 pm rating: 0
Comments are Closed