Service with a snarl

August 23rd, 2010 · 77 comments

Fact: Working in a customer service position that necessitates long-term exposure to one’s fellow humans carries a significant risk of developing acute, potentially incurable, misanthropy. And if you’re stuck in the middle of nowhere, treatment is especially hard to find.

Exhibit a) From a roadside store in “the armpit of California, as witnessed on separate occasions by both Dirk and Danielle

We have no choice but to be here. We have already spent a fortune on this business. In order to run this business in the middle of nowhere it costs us a fortune. You have a choice to be a customer or not. Thank you for not complaining to our employees. We are here to serve you.

We have no choice but to be here. We have already spent a fortune on this business. In order to run this business in the middle of nowhere it costs us a fortune. You have a choice to be a customer or not. Thank you for not complaining to our employees. We are here to serve you.

Exhibit b) From a NON-fast food restaurant in the backwaters of Louisiana

Without any further notice: Prices subject to change without notifying the customer, yes you the customer. No refunds or exchange...once you order, once we start cooking,NO refunds or exchange. Includes anything in the store that's for sale. WE ARE NOT FAST FOOD WE ARE NOT FAST FOOD

Exhibit c) From a diner in a speck of a town called Endicott, Nebraska. (Adds submitter Jill: “They also have a stuffed two-headed calf!”)

Notice! This is not Burger King. You get it my way or you don't get the son-of-a-bitch at all

related: How’s that for a low price guarantee?

FILED UNDER: "customer service" · restaurant · retail hell


77 responses so far ↓

  • #1   much to my chagrin

    At least they give you notice about not giving you any notice.

    Aug 23, 2010 at 8:55 pm   rating: 47  small thumbs up

    • #1.1   lolsuz

      i’m glad you pointed that out or i wouldn’t have noticed.

      Aug 23, 2010 at 9:00 pm   rating: 27  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.2   MAMARILLA2 bang

      You have to have noticed that the notice that gives you notice really doesn’t give you any notice at all…OOOh , now I have a headache.

      Aug 23, 2010 at 9:27 pm   rating: 15  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.3   AuntyBron

      I think my brain is leaking…

      Aug 24, 2010 at 11:51 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.4   RebelKnightCSA

      Yeah, I noticed too.

      Sep 6, 2010 at 12:33 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #2   much to my chagrin

    Who is the son of Abitch?

    Aug 23, 2010 at 9:00 pm   rating: 17  small thumbs up

    • #2.1   infant tyrone bang

      Refer to Book of Neuteronomy 2:5 or 6:24.

      Aug 23, 2010 at 11:05 pm   rating: 19  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.2   Canthz_B bang

      Cbitch is the son of Abitch and Bbitch as surely as A+B=C.

      Aug 24, 2010 at 12:00 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #3   Silence

    I’m with Team Note Writers, especially in the first case.

    It’s aggravating & soul-killing as F to hear customers whine all day about policies/prices/products that you have no control over. As if I, the lowly cashier, really sets the price point on gallons of Unleaded and decaf coffee.

    Couple that with a remote location where that job may indeed be the only one available and, yeah, putting up those signs was probably the best thing to ever happen to employees there.

    Aug 23, 2010 at 9:09 pm   rating: 45  small thumbs up

    • #3.1   Meesh

      The problem with working in the middle of nowhere is that you have to deal with people who live in the middle of nowhere. Complaining about the coffee or egg salad sandwich is their break from beating their wives and fucking their cousins.

      Aug 24, 2010 at 8:05 am   rating: 32  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.2   Ndawg

      … and sometimes it’s just their break from peeing behind the salad bar.

      Aug 24, 2010 at 8:08 am   rating: 10  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.3   Joe bang

      I agree, except for exhibit b. I’m not exactly sure what situations they’re trying to cover (a menu that has outdated prices, raising the prices on jackass customers without telling them, etc.), but I can’t imagine a situation where it seems justified to charge a customer more without notifying them.

      Aug 24, 2010 at 9:33 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.4   mystic_eye_cda

      I think its probably not that the prices are wrong, but a la Corner Gas the regulars are used to something being one price and they get all up in arms when the price goes up or the place stops doing free refills.

      The same thing happened around here when they recently changed the sales tax to a new and more convoluted system -some prices went up and many stores put up signs basically asking you not to take it out on the staff… of course in some cases the company was applying the tax code incorrectly but the poor schlub selling you coffee can’t change how much tax the register charges.

      Aug 24, 2010 at 4:21 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #4   RunBarbara bang

    That last note is actually a rip off from the custom made panties I wear…except my “kitchen” never closes.

    Aug 23, 2010 at 9:14 pm   rating: 27  small thumbs up

    • #4.1   FeRD bang

      …Sharon Stone, is that you?

      Aug 23, 2010 at 9:22 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.2   mamason bang

      And there’s always extra cheese.

      Aug 23, 2010 at 9:36 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.3   RandyinReno

      And brownies.

      Aug 23, 2010 at 11:26 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.4   TheOldSchool bang

      RB, you may own panties, but no one has ever seen you actually wearing them.

      Aug 24, 2010 at 12:35 am   rating: 11  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.5   Woman on the Verge bang

      Last I saw them, they were stuck to the unitard.

      Aug 24, 2010 at 8:12 am   rating: 10  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #5   catburglar

    We are not fast food! No! No!! Why are you squirting me with that packet of ketchup?! Get your hands off me! No! Noooooooo!

    Aug 23, 2010 at 9:21 pm   rating: 12  small thumbs up

     
  • #6   Kat

    I love the last sign. I don’t know why, but I picture this big, greasy frycook who smokes his stogies in the back and hasn’t cleaned his apron since 1980 carefully penning this sign with all the rage in his withered, blackened heart.

    Aug 23, 2010 at 9:24 pm   rating: 44  small thumbs up

    • #6.1   MAMARILLA2 bang

      And the Waitress who chews gum constantly, with the starched pink uniform and the lace hankie pinned under her nametag. She would have brassy orange hair done in a over-sprayed beehive.

      Aug 23, 2010 at 9:30 pm   rating: 14  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.2   RunBarbara bang

      Mom <3

      Aug 23, 2010 at 9:31 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.3   mamason bang

      Kiss my grits!

      Aug 23, 2010 at 9:41 pm   rating: 17  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.4   Canthz_B bang

      Mamason got into the Flo of this one before me.

      Aug 24, 2010 at 12:03 am   rating: 12  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.5   EARL HAMSHER

      Mel from Alice. (old people will know what I’m talking about)

      aw shizz i didn’t see the other replies

      Aug 24, 2010 at 1:06 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.6   Meesh

      Withered blackened heart is probably also on the menu.

      Aug 24, 2010 at 8:08 am   rating: 12  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.7   wright1

      Cajun cuisine in Nebraska! At least until 1 PM…

      Aug 24, 2010 at 12:01 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.8   pony girl

      I’m more concerned with their closing at 1 P.M.
      When the hell do they open?

      Aug 24, 2010 at 7:19 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #7   spoko

    I live a couple hours away from Endicott. It is truly, truly BFE. But now I really want to visit, just to eat at that restaurant.

    Aug 23, 2010 at 9:38 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #7.1   jason

      BFE?

      Aug 24, 2010 at 3:37 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.2   mamason bang

      Big fucking eels.

      Aug 24, 2010 at 5:24 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.3   mamason bang

      Butt fucking elitist.

      Aug 24, 2010 at 5:25 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.4   mamason bang

      Bobby Flay eatery.

      Aug 24, 2010 at 5:26 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.5   pony girl

      Road trip!! I”m waiting until fall though, too dang hot for a pony in a convertible right now.

      Aug 24, 2010 at 7:20 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.6   ak

      BFE = Butt Fuck, Egypt
      i.e. in the middle of nowhere

      Aug 24, 2010 at 8:33 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.7   MAMARILLA2 bang

      Butter Flavored Enchiladas?

      Aug 25, 2010 at 6:46 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #8   mamason bang

    Hold the pickles hold the lettuce?
    Special orders DO up set us.

    Aug 23, 2010 at 9:40 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #8.1   MAMARILLA2 bang

      Bobby: I’d like an omelet, plain, and a chicken salad sandwich on wheat toast, no mayonnaise, no butter, no lettuce. And a cup of coffee.
      Waitress: A #2, chicken salad sand. Hold the butter, the lettuce, the mayonnaise, and a cup of coffee. Anything else?
      Bobby: Yeah, now all you have to do is hold the chicken, bring me the toast, give me a check for the chicken salad sandwich, and you haven’t broken any rules.
      Waitress: You want me to hold the chicken, huh?
      Bobby: I want you to hold it between your knees.

      Aug 23, 2010 at 9:49 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.2   Woman on the Verge bang

      Pretty sure Bobby would have ordered a half caf skim latte with one and half squirts of sugar free mocha.

      Aug 24, 2010 at 8:14 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #9   Canthz_B bang

    Of course it’s not Burger King. It costs a fortune to run a fast food place in the middle of nowhere…or so I’ve heard.

    Aug 24, 2010 at 12:07 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

     
  • #10   Canthz_B bang

    I read somewhere that California is experimenting with alternative sentencing in their criminal courts, but had no idea they could sentence someone to a career running a roadside store without any choice.

    Given a choice, I’d take San Quentin.

    Aug 24, 2010 at 12:13 am   rating: 19  small thumbs up

    • #10.1   Noelegy

      Oh, I firmly believe that everyone ought to be required to work a few months serving the public before they are allowed to be considered an adult. We’d have a lot nicer people in society, or fewer rude people anyway, because they’d get themselves killed. Same difference.

      Sep 2, 2010 at 8:13 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #11   oskar bang

    Delicious glass of Coke on the clock but only a Pepsi fountain – no wonder customers complain…

    Aug 24, 2010 at 12:58 am   rating: 13  small thumbs up

     
  • #12   newbuffalomom

    I have a sign in my kitchen.

    Dinner Choices
    1. Take it
    2. Leave it

    Aug 24, 2010 at 3:53 am   rating: 23  small thumbs up

     
  • #13   Kelly

    According to the last note, the kitchen closes at 1 in the afternoon. They are really going after that money meal.

    Aug 24, 2010 at 5:28 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #13.1   HappyNat

      But it doesn’t say when they reopen. They could reopen at 2:00 PM, I think I’ve heard of those 23 hour diners.

      Aug 24, 2010 at 6:42 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #14   Woman on the Verge bang

    Is that a jug of moonshine under the last sign?

    Aug 24, 2010 at 8:15 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #14.1   The Elf

      That’s why it closes at 1pm.

      Aug 24, 2010 at 10:23 am   rating: 10  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #15   ivbeenthere

    I’ve been to that first place, it’s a gas stop in the middle of the Mojave. The prices are high, but its true, there really isnt anywhere else, and yes, they are in the middle of the desert, so, suck it up.

    What I am surprised at is, that when I was there, the place was also littered with Jesus stuff and Jehovahs witness pamphlets. No pictures of that? Maybe it isn’t anymore, but I was there in 08.

    Aug 24, 2010 at 8:57 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #15.1   wright1

      Speaking as a 4th-generation Californian, the joke used to be, “Fresno is the armpit. Just go south and you’ll find Bakersfield.” Then Bakersfield got all popular…

      It’s a big place; everyone no doubt would have their favorite nominee for State Armpit. Still, the Mojave… yeah. A certain degree of bitterness is understandable.

      Aug 24, 2010 at 12:10 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #15.2   jason

      Is it Amboy?

      Aug 24, 2010 at 3:38 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #16   Edwina the Defrocked Nun

    Why didn’t Jill send a picture of the stuffed two-headed calf?

    Aug 24, 2010 at 9:13 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

     
  • #17   Pterosaur

    A cranky short-order cook and a two-headed stuffed calf?!

    Road trip!

    Aug 24, 2010 at 9:53 am   rating: 13  small thumbs up

     
  • #18   Other Julie

    Welcome to Martyrs’ Oasis. We have no choice but to be here.

    Aug 24, 2010 at 10:46 am   rating: 15  small thumbs up

    • #18.1   Splint Chesthair

      They could be indentured servants.

      Aug 24, 2010 at 11:06 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #18.2   mamason bang

      That’s why it’s so important to take care of your teeth.

      Aug 24, 2010 at 5:27 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #19   Sarah Ashley

    Wait, so you can order something for $10, and then once they start cooking it they can jack up the price and not tell you?

    That’s ……… odd.

    Aug 24, 2010 at 2:21 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #19.1   MAMARILLA2 bang

      Sounds like Denny’s to me..

      Aug 25, 2010 at 6:51 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #20   Lurker

    Die.

    Aug 24, 2010 at 3:27 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #21   jason

    Yes, do permanently stop breathing, please.

    Aug 24, 2010 at 3:40 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

     
  • #22   David

    “we are here to serve you”

    …enjoy your self-serve soda ;)

    Aug 24, 2010 at 5:14 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

     
  • #23   pylgrim

    That twice-repeated “WE ARE NOT FAST FOOD” claim comes as desperate -a shout of self-deafening denial against the crushing weight of evidence- rather than angry, when written amidst old stains of grease and ketchup and the lulling glare of the Coke display beneath.

    Aug 24, 2010 at 7:36 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

     
  • #24   RebelKnightCSA

    What is the address of that Nebraska diner? I sooooo want to go there – I admire the owner’s spirit.

    Aug 25, 2010 at 12:45 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #25   sandra

    I have also seen that sign in california!!

    Aug 25, 2010 at 1:37 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #25.1   Alexandra

      Me too!

      At least, I’m pretty sure.

      I drove out of there in I-40 and I could’ve SWORN I saw this at that gas station/restaurant/roadside oasis that has the huge “G A S” letters.

      Aug 25, 2010 at 6:08 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #26   Isuck

    I can add a video of me kicking your ass, spammer. Go chug a cock.

    Aug 25, 2010 at 2:09 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

     
  • #27   Diane

    The place is called “Hi Sahara Oasis”, it’s in Essex, CA, and you’ll love this from their website, http://www.hisaharaoasis.com :
    “More of a resort than a rest stop, we are dedicated to providing you with a safe and convenient place to stretch and recover before getting back onto the road.”

    I made the mistake of getting a bit too low on gas and pulling in there a couple of weeks ago. The signs are still there, at least three by my count. The combination of the one on the door and the one below it that said the restrooms are for “paying customers only” scared the piss right back into my 12 year old son. He went up to the door after I had come back to the car and wouldn’t even enter the store.

    BTW, the gas was $4.05/gallon, while all the other stations “in the middle of nowhere” were charging $3.10 or less. I got just enough gas to get us into Arizona and made a mental note to never stop there again – unless it was just to take a snap to send here. As soon as I saw the sign I thought about Passive-Agressive Notes, but I was afraid the shotgun might come out if I went back to take a picture!

    Aug 27, 2010 at 12:33 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #28   The Judy

    Has Pops confirmed Earl’s death yet?

    Aug 28, 2010 at 12:01 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #29   Angela

    Is the first sign from Dante Hicks?

    Aug 28, 2010 at 9:06 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #30   J

    There was a neighborhood tap I used to frequent many years ago. One of the signs on the bar was a “Burger King” sign similar to the one shown here. One of my favorite ones too.

    Up in Madison there’s a Marathon station that has a sign above the cash register – which was behind a glass wall – that basically said that if you were in the store without in the judgment of the guy behind the counter a good reason the police would be called and you would be arrested for trespassing. On one hand I can understand why an owner would put that up. On the other hand that station was giving off all the wrong vibes. It wasn’t in a bad area of town by any stretch, and the guy behind the counter was kind of creepy. I haven’t been back to that station since.

    Aug 29, 2010 at 11:11 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #31   Herschel

    And the STUPID thing about it is that people will read those notices and still give them their business.

    Why would you want to get into a “People” business IF YOU HATE PEOPLE?

    Sep 1, 2010 at 2:42 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #32   Noelegy

    To my sorrow, getting out of retail did not end (or even really diminish) my daily exposure to rude, stupid, clueless, lazy people who make me want to stab my eyeballs all the time. I totally understand the sentiments behind these signs!

    Sep 2, 2010 at 8:10 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #33   mira

    Thank you so much for having this website! I was recently on an RV trip and we stopped at the “we Have no Choice” gas station. That sign fascinated me so that I googled it and that is how I stumbled upon this site. I was dying to ask the clerk what it meant and what people complained about so profusley that they had to make a sign but of course I was way too scared.

    Sep 30, 2010 at 5:14 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

     
  • #34   Mille

    I’ve been to the place in California. It really is the middle of nowhere. There are no other places for a really long time. We saw the signs and said, screw you and left. I’d rather drive another hour and give my business to someone who appreciates it. And you made the choice to open a business in the middle of nowhere, so stop complaining.

    Nov 1, 2010 at 3:04 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

     
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    Nov 22, 2010 at 8:03 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
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