…then you obviously haven’t been introduced to the Houston, Texas model apparently gunning for the title of “the Dane Cook of household appliances.”
(For that, you can be thankful.)
related: Microwave on the run!
If you thought your microwave was dirty…
August 25th, 2010 · 51 comments
FILED UNDER: anthropomorphism · cleaning · flowers, trees, houseplants & gardens · Houston · microwave · most popular notes of 2010 · thanks (but not really) · touching
51 responses so far ↓
#1
apricoco
Oh, I feel dirty just reading that. I need a shower now.
Aug 25, 2010 at 10:17 pm rating: 90
#2
Melodie
Great. Now I’ve got another kink. Thanks for nothing, Internet!
Aug 25, 2010 at 10:19 pm rating: 90
#3
Nack
I take offense at your comment about my mother, Microwave! You are neither friendly or neighborly! In fact, I think I will bash you ala-OfficeSpaceFaxMachine!
Where my bat? Where my “Good to be a Gangsta” music?!
Aug 25, 2010 at 10:22 pm rating: 90
#4
adam
Oh my goodness…mercy me oh my…sweet mother of microwave pizza pockets…
Aug 25, 2010 at 10:23 pm rating: 90
#5
debkatz
What? “Only your mom likes it dirty” and it was signed “Your FRIENDLY neighborhood microwave”? Did Manson get that parole he’s been begging for? Here! Microwave THIS!
Aug 25, 2010 at 10:25 pm rating: 90
#6
Kel
Seriously….this is passive aggressiveness at it’s finest!
My hometown of Houston is representing! Holla!
(damn it feels good to be a gangster!)
Aug 25, 2010 at 10:32 pm rating: 90
#7
Nahhh
Now my toaster oven is all hot and bothered.
Aug 25, 2010 at 10:58 pm rating: 90
#8
lolsuz
Those no-no squares were fucking delicious.
That’s right. I said it.
Aug 25, 2010 at 10:59 pm rating: 90
#9
MinnKB
Ewww. Yucky.
Aug 25, 2010 at 11:07 pm rating: 90
#10
manz
Where exactly on the microwave are the “no no squares?” Don’t touch me there? What is going on here?
Aug 25, 2010 at 11:30 pm rating: 90
#11
Canthz_B
Once again the power of prayer has failed.
Having asked for the strength to keep its comments clean, the microwave still can’t help letting slip “…only your mom likes it dirty.”
Aug 26, 2010 at 12:57 am rating: 90
#12
Canthz_B
Just in case the exhaust/vent squares on the top are blocked, you’d think that a smart appliance like this one would have a spare square on the side.
Aug 26, 2010 at 12:59 am rating: 90
#13
RunBarbara
It’s true, Microwave, my mom DOES like it dirty. If she could only fully heat a baked potato after I stuff it inside of her instead of just making beeping noises with her mouth and shooting it back out a little wetter than before a few seconds later, I’d have no use for you.
Aug 26, 2010 at 1:22 am rating: 90
#14
ClearlyDemented
This might just be the next great diet plan. I know I’ve lost my appetite…for food anyway.
Aug 26, 2010 at 7:14 am rating: 90
#15
JuneBug
Does the microwave have a safeword I should know?
Aug 26, 2010 at 8:01 am rating: 90
#16
Splint Chesthair
I’d have to be passive aggressive in response to this note and tape a note to side that said:
“OR, for those of use who are over 13: Don’t stack items on the microwave vents and remember to clean up after yourself.”
Aug 26, 2010 at 8:58 am rating: 90
#17
Le Lac
Team Microwave Molester.
Aug 26, 2010 at 9:25 am rating: 90
#18
Pervy
Always wear a trench coat when microwaving that Lean Cuisine.
Aug 26, 2010 at 9:41 am rating: 90
#19
Erin
Micro-depraved.
Aug 26, 2010 at 10:24 am rating: 90
#20
Mo®
Show me on the Easy-Bake oven where the bad man touched you.
Aug 26, 2010 at 10:26 am rating: 90
#21
Other Julie
“Hugs and kisses”? You just said foreplay isn’t needed. Stop sending me such mixed signals, Microwave.
Aug 26, 2010 at 10:28 am rating: 90
#22
Gunderson
Someone needs to put the note inside the microwave and cook it for 5 mins.
Aug 26, 2010 at 10:46 am rating: 90
#23
Limeliberator
I can pretty much guarantee that my mother doesn’t like it.. dirty or otherwise.. but thanks so much for the mental image. bastard.
Aug 26, 2010 at 7:07 pm rating: 90
#24
Cordelia
Another electronic mystery revealed. Now I know why the “finished” beep is so loud at the end of every use…
Aug 26, 2010 at 8:13 pm rating: 90
#25
shwonline
Don’t touch my No No Squares, the delicious new snack treat from Kellogg’s!
Aug 26, 2010 at 8:15 pm rating: 90
#26
Dara
My no-no squares are the no bake kind.
Aug 26, 2010 at 9:19 pm rating: 90
#27
bob loblaw
i’d put my hot pocket inside you and press the time for 69 seconds.
ha ha. take that beeeeeotch!
Aug 26, 2010 at 10:10 pm rating: 90
#28
cw
oh my word… I feel dirty too
Aug 27, 2010 at 1:37 am rating: 90
#29
elorel
Good thing it specifies no foreplay. I hear hugs and kisses from a microwave can leave you.. diseased.
Aug 27, 2010 at 3:54 pm rating: 90
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